FALLEN GODS
by Eris-92
Summary: The fic starts from chapter185.My idea is to imagine how D.gray-man will go on and how it'll end.No yaoi,at least for now.Pairings:KandaxOC;CrossxMaria;AllenxRoad for now. Go on, give this story a chance!REVIEWS OF ANY KIND ARE WELCOME!
1. Chapter 1

**INTRODUCING " FALLEN GODS"…**

**Hi, everyone! I'm a fan of -man so when I heard that the story was stopped for a while because of the author's health I really panicked, anxious**** to know how the story will end… Who is the Heart? What's the secret behind Kanda's past? What the Noah will do now? Too many questions without answer that began to drive me mad, so I started to imagine how I'd like the story to continue… and from this was born a story that I'm still writing and that I decided to upload here. I'm still no sure of this being a wise choice for many reasons: **

**I'm Italian, English isn't my language and I seriously doubt to have the skills to write a story in this language, still I won't know this until I try and, anyway, this is an exercise which will improve my knowledge of English. Please, don't be too harsh with me, but if my writing is so poor that make me ridiculous let me know it! If I use the wrong expression, tell me! You can wonder why I've decided to write in English if that's so difficult for me… I could say that the matter is that until now I've only see English fanfictions here and that this is the only way I have to make my work comprehensible for anyone, but this is only a part of the truth… the real reason maybe is simply that this is a challenge for me and that I can't resist the temptation to try ^^'**

**Someone would believe me full of presumption for trying to write the continuation of -man. It's no presumption, is that I've thought so much about this story that I couldn't help, but wrote it. I hope you'll understand what I mean.**

**Waiting for the great Katsura Hoshino-sensei to get better, I hope I'll succeed to entertain you a little! **

**The soundtrack of this tale is Yiruma's music. For the first part of this chapter I used to listen to " Kiss the rain", to the piano and violin ver****sion exactly. If you can, listen to this song while you're reading this chapter. **

**I hope you'll like this first, short, chapter, I really tried very hard so I'd like all the readers to comment, no matter if they think that this story is terrible. Please, ****leave comments!**

**Eris**

_**FALLEN GODS**_

FIRST CHAPTER - **ANOTHER SLEEPLESS NIGHT**

Night, Dark Religious Headquarters

The boy started to turn everywhere during his sleep. He was acting like he was upset; maybe he was going to wake up or, most probably, he was having a nightmare. It wouldn't have been strange since he did have them very often.

"_It's inevitable. "_ said someone in a whisper from the other side of the room, _" Everyone would be persecuted by nightmares if they were you…"_

It was a low, acute, young voice, a female voice. She looked at the boy with a melancholy look on her face. The boy turned again and again while he was sleeping as if he was in pain.

He was sweating a lot so that his white hair were glued on his forehead, but he was still very handsome with his pretty face and his muscular body, maybe too developed for a fifteen, but not too much for someone who had been living like him.

His face… it still had a gentle look, even when it was contorted with anguish as in that moment. Who could have known what his dreams were showing him?

The girl moved on towards him and gently pushed aside his hair from his forehead.

" _Allen…" _she whispered. Now the light of the moon was falling on her face so that an intruder could have recognized her features: she was very young and looked pretty, despite her golden eyes and her spiky hair.

She bowed, she kissed his sleeping face and murmured: _" Please, don't let him win, or I'll seriously have to kill you, Allen". _

After this she moved some step behind, and then Road vanished without a sound.

A few moments later Allen woke up, all of a sudden, gasping: his nightmare had finally reached its end. He observed the room carefully, but he found nothing. Strange, he had had the feeling that there was someone else near him. That's why he had woken up.

At the end he relaxed and fell on the bed. He was thinking about his last nightmare. He could almost hear the voice of the level four resounding in his ears.

" _**This sword hurts only evil things? So, why are you suffering? "**_

He shook his head, but those words were too true to be ignored.

" _**Stupid child, did you really belie**__**ved that the host body for the Fourteenth could be without sin? "**_

Even this was just too true, that's why it hurt so much. The Fourteenth… His existence had become quite an heavy burden for Allen, an obsession he could not reject because he was inside him. Yes, that was what drove him mad: the Fourteenth wasn't an enemy he could face and destroy with his Innocence, to be exactly, it wasn't an enemy he could face at all! He was a phantom who was taking possess of his body and Allen couldn't fight back. This was what was driving him mad, this and… Mana…

When Mana said that he loved him, who did he meant? Allen or the Fourteenth, his dead brother? And of whom did he take care? Allen or the host body which was waiting to be used for the resurrection of the Noah?

Allen felt like if he was going to fall into pieces. His Master had tried to console him, how unlike him, he said that Mana: _" kind of lost it when the Fourteenth died" _and that probably _" he didn't remember the past anymore" _ , but for Allen it wasn't so easy. He couldn't possibly believe that were all coincidences: Mana taking care of him, Mana teaching him that strange alphabet which made the arc move…

He couldn't avoid the feeling of having been manipulated all the time and this hurt him more than anything else. In every difficult moment he had always thought of Mana, of the promise he made to him and so he had always found the strength to keep on walking. But what if someone had planned everything from the start?

"What should I do? " he asked to himself, unable to accept such a reality. What would have done the master if he were Allen? No answer came to his mind but, instead he remembered his voice saying:

" _I can't laugh at Tiedoll anymore…"_

Allen smiled at the memory, but his smile didn't reach his eyes.

He watched out of the window, his eyes searching for the moon, and when his gaze finally met it, he murmured:

" That's going to be another sleepless night."


	2. Chapter 2

The third exorcists rule in this third chapter and I'm happy of this… I like them after all and I'm going to give them a lot of space if I can. I'll do my best to make you love them too!

PLEASE, COMMENT AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK! I'm really curious…

For this second chapter I used to listen to " Solitude" one of the soundtrack of the" Vampire Knight" anime. Listen to this song while you're reading!!" I believe that listening to the music which had inspirited the author while you're reading his/her work is really important, that's why I'm insisting so much about this.

SECOND CHAPTER- **THE HALF-AKUMA FAMILY**

Night- Malcolm C. Leverrier's Office

Commandant Leverrier was anxiously waiting for someone.

He took another glance at the watch in front of him. They were late and he was getting angry until someone knocked against the door. Five knocks. It was them.

" Enter." Leverrier ordered with his usual cold voice despite the excitement.

Six people entered. Five of them were wearing red clothes, but not the one who seemed to be their leader: it was a woman with a muscular body and an aggressive, wild, look on her face under the short blond hair. Her expression made her look like an eagle.

Leverrier observed her while she was taking seat in front of him, then he said:

" Well, Renee, I see you've taken a few people with you. I suppose they're the group of the third exorcists, aren't they? "

" They are, indeed." She answered with a proud smile, " They're the result of the experiment you ordered us to do."

"No! " Leverrier interrupted her "_The experiment the Pope ordered us to do_." He clarified

" I'm sorry, forgive me, I meant : the experiment the Pope ordered us to do. " She repeated, obedient. Leverrier smiled: " Go on. "

Renee sighed with relief: " We have interfered on their DNA and transformed them into half-akuma. Like you surely know there are only three ways to destroy akuma: self-destruction, innocence, cannibalism. We aren't able to provoke the first condition, so until now we have fought only by using innocence, but now things are going to change: by transforming people into half-akuma we can make use, to our advantage, of the third way: the cannibalism. We have created five super-exorcists who re able to defeat akuma by eating them and that can absorb the powers of their prey! " She pointed at the five guys behind her, her face distorted with joy ad pride.

But Leverrier was ready to destroy that sort of satisfaction: " And what about their mind? Can you assure they will remain loyal to us? "

Renee blushed for the shame at the rudeness of Leverrier, but the group of exorcists behind her didn't show any reaction. Only the younger, a cute girl named Kiredori, betrayed a sudden gesture of anger, but she recovered very quickly.

After a moment of embarrassment, Renee decided to answer: " Our group of third exorcists are completely loyal to us. Though their body were modified, their mind are absolutely human as before."

A wild smile appeared on Leverrier's face: " Well, " he said, " if that's so I have no other questions. I hope to see your puppets at work very soon, Renee. "

The scientist blushed again asking to herself how can a man be so rude and so hopelessly stupid, then she took leave as soon as she could.

" Madarao, Tevak, Kiredori, Tokusa, Goushi," she called out once they were alone, " we'll take action soon and I want you all to be ready for everything. Do you understand what I mean? "

The exorcists nodded.

" Well," concluded Renee, " and please, don't mind what he had said. For him all exorcists are puppets , so there is no prejudice against you in his words. The only thing he wants is to win this war, no matter how, so, please, be careful." She said, then she moved out of the building leaving the others alone.

Tevak, a beautiful woman with long, blond, hair turned towards her companions: " Madarao, " she asked, " what do you think about this? "

He shrugged his shoulders: " There is nothing we can do. We have no choice, but to obey our superiors."

" I don't like him!!!" cried out Kiredori " That freaking bastard…"

"Kire-chan! " Tokusa interrupted her with a mischievous smile " Since when have you started to use that kind of words? "

"That's none of your business! "she replied " And stop calling me Kire-chan! I hate it! "

" You always hate everything…" Goushi detected

" Why do you always agree with him? And why are you always against me? I can't bear all this anymore, I… I… " she gasped

"… hate you? " concluded Tokusa smiling

" Oh, damn you, Tokusa! " she cried out in despair and then tried to went away, but Madarao's voice stopped her: " Kiredori, remain here, we must remain together."

" It's late. Let's return home. " Tevak's quite, low, voice broke the tension. Madarao looked at her and smiled softly: she had always been like this, so quiet and beautiful, able to make everyone calm down with a single glance.

Long time ago, when they were still human, they're engaged, but now…

" _Does it have any sense anymore? " _he thought_ " What meaning can have an engagement for people who are less than beast, for people who are half-demons and, this was the very worst, that have accepted to be like this? Do we have the right to have human feelings anymore? " _

He knew Tevak didn't agree with him:

" _there is nothing right or wrong, but what you believe to be so. Then don't worry about those things and don't stop to love me! " _She had said once.

" Let's go home. " repeated the present Tevak. Three of her companion nodded and immediately followed her, but Kiredori protested: " I still can't believe that we have to call home that place! " she cried out with rage, but then she followed them too.


	3. Chapter 3 Newcomer

Now it has finally come the time of showing you the Noahs! I simply adore them all!!! I'm so happy of having the opportunity of talking about them! Hoshino sensei has only showed six of them until now… Where are the other seven? In this chapter I'll introduce to you a new Noah… I hope you'd like him even if he's quite mad( after all, they're all mad! )

Please**, as always, leave a comment! I'm curious to know whether you like or not this new character and why, or if you find that Road has become too serious… **I'm really scared by the idea that I'm making her act a bit out of character…

Soundtrack for this chapter was **" Seinaru Toki Eien no Inori" by Malice Mizer**. I suggest you to listen to this song not only because I think that it fits the Noahs, but because this song is really beautiful, one of the best of Klaha age. For people who didn't read my profile: Malice Mizer is my favourite band, I simply adore them, especially Gackto-sama.

CHAPTER THREE- **NEWCOMER**

Dinner at Noah's house

Two heads showed themselves from behind the back of the big, red, sofa

" Jasdero! Debitto! You're late." Road observed closing her book with a smile. The twins snorted.

" You're lucky that the Earl hasn't come yet. "

" it's not our fault! " they cried out " It's that Cross Marian. No matter what we try, we can't catch him!"

" That's true… the only thing you succeeded to catch until now are his debts…" she noticed " Anyway, haven't the Earl ordered to let him stay? He said that he is going to catch him by himself. "

" He said so… and he was so angry despite the smile…" the twins confirmed trembling with fear " But we can't let Cross go! We hate him, we want revenge on him!!! "

" Still, you should obey the Earl." Road suggested

" We don't care! We don't care! We don't care! " the twins began repeat those boring words like little kids. For the first time, Road's eyes narrowed and she seemed quite angry. The twins silenced at once.

" Stop joking already." She ordered " Things are becoming pretty serious. If you don't obey, you'll risk to destroy Earl's scenario and if this will happen I may risk to end killing you. "

Jasdero and Debitto snorted again: " You have become so serious Road-chan… You were funnier once…"

" It's not that I'm serious, it's you who are acting as if you were little kids." She replied after regaining her usual calm.

" Haven't you got some homework to do? " Debitto asked hopeful.

She didn't care to answer or to look at his face: her gaze was lost, gazing at something far, far away out of the window.

" What happened to you, Road-chan? " Jasdero asked

" I'm worried for Tyky… " she whisper, but it was only an half- truth

" Tyky? He's still under the care of the Earl, isn't him? "

" Yeah. But the Earl seems to be worried: after the second metamorphosis Tyky has become …unstable. He's not always himself, it seems that sometimes the Noah's power inside him takes possession of his body and he can't control himself. It's as if the powers he holds are too much for his mind. The Earl said that it's only a matter of time, but I don't believe it."

" Where is Tyky Mykk now? " Lulubell finally made her voice to be heard

" He's always with the Earl, but when he loses control he is imprisoned by my power. That's why I was saying that I can't believe the Earl… I know how his mind is in that kind of moments."

The twins started to cry: " Is he going to die like Skin? "

" I hope not! " Road shouted with anger, " But I don't know what will happen to him." She added, her words mixed with real anguish.

" We have to believe the Earl," Lulubell commented with her usual emotionless voice, " he is our master, we have no choice, but to follow him. So you shouldn't be so worried about Tyky." She added turning towards Road. " We exist to serve the Earl. If our sacrifice can help his plan, then we have no right to worry about death." She declared forcefully but no one listened to her speech: Jasdero and Debitto were playing with their guns and Road was reading the same book she had before he twins' arrival.

The silence fell between them, but it didn't last long: soon they heard a crack and the Earl appeared with Tyky Mykk behind him.

The Earl hadn't changed at all since their last meeting if not for his hatter: no more roses, now it was decorated with a theme of butterflies, read and white butterflies.

The Noah behind him, instead, had changed a lot: Tyky Mykk, the Noah of pleasure, was still handsome, but it was hard to recognise him. He had lost weight and his cheeks had become hollow, he was pale and his eyes were looking down, as if he didn't dare to raise them. He was the portrait of a defeated man. Those signals told Road that another crisis was coming and that soon there would have been need of her imaginary cage.

" Well, " said the Earl with his usual empty smile, " should we sit down? "

Everyone took place at his seat, in silence. Even the twins didn't dare to do one of their usual jokes, like make vanish all the chairs they had made before, or things like that: Tyky's conditions mixed with the presence of the Earl had the power to made everyone silent for a little while.

" There are only six of us… Where are the others? " Lulubell asked

" Oh, unfortunately the thirteenth has to carry out some tasks, you know, he is making preparations for the new war and the second… well, he can't come here obviously."

" It has passed many years from the last time we have seen him." Debitto observed

" How can this be? He's always on TV! " Road replied cheerfully

" Who cares about that human stuff! Anyway, we mean that has passed a lot since he came here last time." Debitto clarified along with Jasdero.

The Earl smiled: " Don't worry children! If my scenario go on like I've planned you all will see him quite soon. However, today you should be happy because one of your brothers is going to return home! "

" Eeeeeeh?" Curiosity and astonishment filled the Noahs.

" Don't tell me that… _"he"_ is coming back now?!? " Road cried out

" My, my…" the Earl made a sad face, " Road you shouldn't talk like this of your brother! He is coming back, indeed, and you all should welcome him as heartily as you can! You know, it's so rare of him to want to come home…"

" Thank goodness that he rarely return! He really is a pain in the a…"Debitto and Jasdero started, but they were interrupted by the Earl: " Stop with this kind of speech already! He is coming. I'll leave you alone for a while, I don't want to interfere with this touching reunion of brothers! " he said and vanish. In the same moment the door was opened with a slam and a man entered with a proud pace:

" Have you missed me, brothers? " he asked with a mean smile.

Nobody answered, but Lulubell would have sworn that she had heard Jasdero observe in a whisper : " He is as detestable as usual…"

The newcomer moved some step forward under the light of the candles. He was the handsomest man ever seen, every beauty would appear loathsome next to him. He appeared very young, almost twenty, yet his deep blue eyes looked mischievous even on such innocent features. Long, curly, blond hair covered shining part of his face and of his shabby clothes: a large, white, shirt torned on the chest, blue jeans and a pair of boots which seemed to be his only tidy clothes.

Even like this, he still appeared like a shining angel, a fallen angel perhaps, inevitably lost, but still so lovely that you would easily forgive him everything.

He was standing in the middle of the room, enjoying his theatrical entrance and waiting for the others to admire and welcome him.

Tyky suspected that he rarely returned home to enjoy better that kind of moments and decided to gave him no satisfaction. The others probably thought the same because they too gave no sign of having noticed him.

" Lulubell, can you pass me the wine, please? " Tyky Mykk asked looking away from his brother

" We too, Lulubell! " the twins protested

" No, " Road replied, " children shouldn't drink that kind of things!"

" We are no kids anymore! "

The newcomer watched this scene feeling a little pissed off and soon exploded: " Hey, everybody, what's with this? Where are all the: "_oh, I've missed you so much!" _and the: _" Please, sit near me! " " No, near me!!! " _and all that kind of stuff??? " he asked furious with them.

Everyone looked astonished towards him for a moment, in silence, then the twins raised their guns against him and shot. The guy went thrown against a wall and while everyone was laughing Jasdero and Debitto started to sing: " Jasdebi did it, Jasdebi did it, Jasdebi did it! "

" Soooooo funny…" the victim replied angry, " but you should watch well what you're doing if you don't want me to destroy your bond! "

" Baaaaaka! " Debitto said " No one can destroy our bond! "

" So it is! " Jasdero echoed

" Shall we bet? " the newcomer asked

" Wanna try? " the twins challenged him

" Stop it already." Road declared seriously.

Her brothers looked at her resentful, but put an end to their quarrel.

" So lucky that Road is here…" Tyky said with a mischievous smile " or who would have stop those spoilt kids…"

" Who are the kids here? " the three asked with one voice

" Stop, my children." The Earl said. This time no one dared to reply.

" Well, then, Amatus," he asked towards the trouble-maker newcomer, " why did you come back all of a sudden? "

The so called Amatus turned serious: " I felt that Skin Boric died and I came back to better understand how this happened. You know, between all the Noahs he was the only one I could say to truly understand. Hatred and anger are not so different." His eyes turned icy cold while he was saying this.

The silence fell again in the room until the Millennium Count broke it: " I daresay that Road and Tyky will tell you the whole story later… Now let's eat! "

" Itadakimasu!!! " The Noahs' yell echoed in the room and they began to eat almost like a normal family.

Then, people, what do you think about Amatus? Of course he is egocentric and theatrical… and selfish, full of hate towards everyone but his friend Skin Boric who died… What will he do now? I'm waiting for the reviews…

Eris92


	4. Chapter 4 Who is she?

**At the end**** the fourth chapter! I have waited to upload this for a while. This is my favourite chapter until now, even though it has a lot of errors in the narrative structure. In this chapter not only I'll finally introduce my beloved Kanda( I love this kind of character: terrible, unsocial, annoying, but somehow handsome and irresistible…), but we'll see Amatus again and…a new character that I really hope you would like. I settled this scene in Rome since I live there so it's a sort of tribute to my dear, beloved city. I settled this chapter there for this and because I think it is a city that has something in common with Kanda. Don't ask me what because I don't know. I just see him well in it ^^. **

" **The end of the beginning" by Hans Zimmerman, from ****" The last samurai" soundtracks.. I think this theme can introduce the new character of this chapter better than I can ever do with words. Listen to this and let the music pierce your heart as it did to me. Let me know what you think, I really care a lot for your reviews!!!**

FOURTH CHAPTER- **WHO IS SHE?**

Kanda Yuu was wandering for the streets of Rome. It was the second time in two years that Komui had sent him in that city for a mission and he wandered if it was going to be an habit.

Not that he disliked it, he quite liked that strange city where ancient and modern buildings coexisted without being out of keeping.

When the night came, the contrast was more visible than ever: those places that during the day had seemed magnificent and full of dignified decay, those same places when surrounded by the darkness appeared like a ghost town, a cursed city proud of his glorious past and unable to accept a mediocre present.

Kanda couldn't help but felt a kind of love and respect for Rome: even if his mind wasn't fixed upon the beauty around him, but on the presence of a possible enemy, still the dark aura of the city was overwhelming.

Even so, he unfortunately didn't have the time to admire such a melancholy beauty.

Lately the finders had found out an abnormal number of akumas in that area and there were only two way to explain this: the first was the presence of innocence near the city, and it seemed improbable because innocence had been discovered there only an year before. The other was that the Millennium Count must had something to do in the city and, if it was true, the Dark Religious was resolute to find out what it was and to obstacle him.

So, they had sent Kanda to see how the situation really was, but until that moment the exorcist hadn't discovered anything at all and it was four hours since he had started wandering the desert streets.

He had met only few people and no one of them had showed signs of being an akuma despite the fact that Kanda was alone, an easy prey. He was thinking about that when he heard he noise of people coming. It was a group of men singing out of tune, probably drunk.

They passed next to the exorcist as if it was nothing, but at the last moment they turned against him, they transformed and attacked him. Kanda was ready. Being an exorcist means to never let your guard down, to think of everyone as an enemy and he had learnt this class many years ago in the hardest way.

The enemies were fifteen, all level one except one.

" Mugen, activate! " Kanda ordered " First Illusion, insect of Hell! "

Two minutes and all the akumas were destroyed.

The exorcist stood for some moment with Mugen still activated, waiting for other enemies, but nobody came. He was going to sheathe his sword when someone began to clap politely at his back.

Kanda turned suddenly and saw a man leaning himself against a wall. As soon as the stranger rose his eyes to meet exorcist's, Kanda saw the stigmata on the forehead of the man and immediately realized his true nature. The Noah made some step forward and the light of the moon made his long, curly, blond hair shine.

It was Amatus, the Noah who had just returned from a long absence, but obviously Kanda couldn't know since he had never seen or heard of him. Still, he stood preparing himself to attack, but his enemy surprised him: " You are Yuu Kanda" He said and it wasn't a question.

" How do you know? "

" That has nothing to do with you, but maybe you'd like to know _why_ I know this and why I'm here. " He replied slowly trying to make Kanda curious, but the exorcist didn't gave him this satisfaction: " Not really. Like you said before, that has nothing to do with me. My only concerns is to beat you."

Noah's face suddenly changed and became contorted with anger, but it was the matter of a second, then his expression turned angelic again.

" How harsh…" he observed " I was thinking of talking with you about some few things before I kill you, but it seems I have no choice but to kill you now. A question only: how did you kill Skin Boric? " he asked while his voice was changing becoming always more deep and savage.

" I don't have any reason to tell you." Kanda smiled and ran against his enemy wielding Mugen with both hands, but the Noah soon put an end to his charge: mysteriously the roots of the great tree near them moved, caught Kanda and immobilized him.

" Shall we talk now? " the Noah asked with a grim painted on his angelic features. " I am Amatus, the one who brings with him the memory of hatred. Maybe you have never realized it, but everything around you has a soul and emotions, I can interfere with those emotions and manipulate every living being, even this tree." He said in a polite tone, like if he was speaking about the weather. Kanda just looked back at him and say nothing for what he could have done since he couldn't move?

" But you," Amatus added, " You're only a normal exorcist, without particular powers, even your synchronisation is only about 80%. Then, tell me, how did you killed Skin Boric? "

Kanda tried to free himself from the tree's morse, but he only got to make the hold even tighter.

" Why are you so curious to know? " he gasped " Or it's the Earl the one who really wants to know it? "

" This has nothing to do with the Earl." The Noah replied showing a sing of disgust " But Skin Boric and I were close friends so I want to avenge him. Does it appear so strange to you? "

" What seems strange to him is that someone can care about an idiot like him… but maybe you are an idiot tooafter all…"

At those words Amatus angelic look changed into one of a madman, he advanced and slapped Kanda on his very face.

" You can't understand! " the Noah murmured " Even if we are a family, since we have different memories we are so distant from each other that we can hardly coexist, but my memory of hatred and his anger were not different… We could understand the suffering of the other, we comprehended better than anyone else the pain of the burdens that were placed upon us. "

The Noah's face seemed quite upset, but Kanda still forced himself to laugh at him: " Pain? Burden? How can you really understand those emotions? If you had ever experienced those feelings, then you would have never helped the Millennium Count in his plan! So stop with this absurd scene, you won't make me pity you! " he shouted with all the strength he had left and then he prepared himself to die.

He was completely in Amatus' power and there was nothing he could do to release the hold of the huge tree. The exorcist saw the face of the Noah became contorted with hate and thought: " I'm going to die and still this is my only chance: to let the bastard do as he pleases and make him believe that I really died. "

So it happened: Amatus gave the order to kill him and the tree tightened his hold until the exorcist was crushed by his force. Kanda screamed out in pain and lost consciousness. Believing him dead, Amatus finally let him go and the lifeless body fell on the ground.

The Noah laughed and laughed again like a madman, not knowing that his enemy was immortal, or as near to immortality as an human being can be. If Amatus had been not so self-confident, he would have noticed that Kanda's injuries were quickly recovering and that he was about to regain his consciousness. That was his secret, that was why he had been able to kill Skin Boric some month ago.

Under the curious and astonished eyes of Amatus, Kanda rose up with Mugen tightly wielded in his hands.

" You should have died." Amatus observed regaining his polite tone.

" I'm not. " Kanda replied with a cruel grim. He wasn't going to let Amatus have his way again: he was planning to attack him before he could have the opportunity to use his strange power again, but the swordsman was stopped by a voice coming from his back.

" Stop." The voice ordered with imperious manner. Both Kanda and Amatus turned towards the voice and saw a woman coming near them.

She was tall and slim, elegant in all her movements, beautiful as an angel, sparkling in the darkness of the night as only a goddess may do, but the way she was walking, the fierce look on her face, everything, made her appear so threatening that few would have dared to look at her in the eyes. She seemed to be more a miracle than a real person, maybe a phantom, but definitively not a normal human being.

Kanda observed both the woman and Amatus: though they both were shining of a beauty that had nothing to do with the human world, still they were different like light from darkness, or ice from fire. Amatus with his sudden changing of mood and his madness gave the impression of being a rare, wonderful, savage beast to admire and fear, but she… her manners were all pride and dignity, she was more similar to an ancient, terrible, goddess than to a savage beast.

Amatus was clearly enchanted by her: his gaze was the same of a predator that is observing a wonderful prey. The woman surpassed Kanda without even looking at him and stood between him and Amatus.

" Exorcist," she began with the same imperious voice of before, " stand back. That's no mach for you. "

" And then who is he a match for? " Kanda asked with sarcasm.

" Me." She answered serious " I looked for a Noah for so long and now I've finally found one! " A smile of satisfaction appeared on her face.

Kanda didn't know what to do. How could she knows about Noah? And what was she going to do since she was no exorcist? How could she hope to beat him without the power of innocence? She didn't seem to worry about this kind of things.

" I'll beat you half-dead, " she said to Amatus in a low, calm, voice, " so that the Earl will surely come to save you and I'll finally have my chance to fight against him. "

The Noah laughed, that creepy laughter again: " Are you sure my lady? See, I'll make you become part of my collection. I love to collect the beautiful things I see, but you're the most enchanting… I'll build a wonderful cage for you, you'll see…"

The woman didn't seem to notice those arrogant words nor she gave the impression of feeling anything when the roots of the tree began to move against her like the walls of a prison.

Kanda tried to move and help, but as soon as he made a step towards her, he felt his strength abandoning him all of a sudden and he fell again. In the same moment the woman rose her left hand and all the trees that were attacking her became ashes at her simple gesture.

" See? " she asked to Amatus " You can't absolutely kill me with those jokes. Maybe it would be you the one who will become part of _my_ collection. Don't you know that I love mummies? " she asked rising her left hand again. At the same time Amatus fell on his knees gasping and taking his hands at his throat. He couldn't breathe and this was not all: his luminous skin was becoming wrinkled exactly like one of a mummy. It was an horrible scene.

This slow agony continued for a minute at least, then there was a crack and the Millennium Earl finally appeared. The woman immediately stopped to torture the Noah and turned all her attention to him.

" So you've come." She whispered: " I was waiting for you. All those years I have thought nothing but you."

The earl seemed to smile even more than usual:

" Good evening Cassandra. I should be delighted to have been the only thought of such a nice lady, but I fear your intention wasn't to honour me…"

"You're right, for once." She exclaimed fiercely " I'm here to kill you and nothing else."

" Ohoh ! 3 " The Earl cried out " I'm deeply sorry, but I can't allow you to kill me yet, sweetheart." he said and unsheathed his sword preparing himself to fight. It was only then that Kanda first noticed how similar the Earl's sword and Allen's innocence were, but he didn't have the time to think about it much longer since the battle immediately began.

The woman that the Earl had called Cassandra rose both her hands to the sky and an huge water sphere appeared surrounding the Millennium Count.

" Now you can't breathe." Cassandra observed " Would you simply die like this, Earl? " She wondered, but her beautiful features didn't show nothing like worry or anxiety, only an unselfish curiosity, like a scientist in the middle of an odd experiment.

A matter of few moments and the water sphere exploded with a great light, without any noise, and the Earl reappeared exactly were he was before as if nothing had happened.

Cassandra seemed a bit annoyed by seeing him unhurt, but she did not comment. She had expected this to happen. The count, instead, was slightly surprised: " How much power you obtained, my dear… That could be dangerous… I'm so sorry that someone like you has to be my enemy and not my faithful servant! "

Cassandra was really angry this time: " It's not that I have to be your enemy, I chose it myself! My power will never be at the service of anyone, but myself. "

" You're wrong," the count observed, " You have just used it in front of an exorcist and that means that the Dark Religious would never let you alone until you'll join them. That's why I have to kill you."

" How naïve you are, Earl! " she said, a mischievous smile of triumph on her lips " You don't understand anything, as usual. " The Millennium Count frowned.

" Can't you realize" she added " that all this is nothing but a part of my plan? I'll join the Dark Religious because I want to! And not to serve them, I have no interest in this, I'll join to accomplish my own purpose. You'll see, Earl." She said and rose her left harm again and a water wall suddenly appeared in front of her so that she wasn't knocked down by the attack that the Earl directed against her in that very moment.

What was going on between them wasn't a real battle: the two opponents seemed to observe each other very closely instead, as if they were trying to understand what the other could have in mind.

Cassandra extended her fingers, then she slowly drew them back in a first while the Earl was wrinkling like Amatus did before him. For sometime the attack seemed to work fine, but then there was a bang and a second later the Earl was there, awfully fat as before. Cassandra sighed: she was starting to get bored, this fight was more like a ping pong match that a battle.

The Millennium Count moved towards her with his huge sword, but the water shield appeared again and he was pushed away. Until the water was there to protect her, there was no way that the Earl could hurt the young woman and he was too strong to be damaged by her. They could have continued like this forever without winner nor loser and they clearly understood this.

The Earl was the first to spoke: " Very well… 3 " he said " If I had believed you'd have become this strong I would have killed you that time."

" I'll make you regret you didn't! " she growled showing for the first time something like an emotion.

" I already do. " the Earl replied smiling as if this was a sort of compliment." What do you think about putting off our fight to our next meeting? So that meanwhile I can find a way to destroy you? "

" Fine by me, but do not overestimate yourself: next time we meet I'll definitively kill you. Meanwhile I hope you won't mind if I go to sleep. "

" And what if you won't be able to awaken again?"

" I'll face this chance. " She answered emotionless and the Earl smiled even more.

Kanda frowned. " Go to sleep"? " Awaken"? What were those two talking about?

" Good night then, dear Cassandra…" the Millennium Count said in a sweet voice, then he vanished bringing Amatus, still unconscious, with him.

The woman instead stood there for some seconds before turning towards Kanda . She snapped her fingers and as soon as she did so the swordsman felt all his strength coming back. He rose immediately on his feet, unable to turn his gaze away from her.

Who was she? Of course he had understood nothing of what the woman and the Earl had said. Surely the two had already met each other before and obviously she wanted to kill him with her strange innocence, but that was as far as he could guess from what he had seen and heard. That strange innocence… He had never seen anything like that before, it seemed more similar to Noahs' abilities than to the innocence power. Still, the light surrounding her… it was innocence, no doubt of it.

There were so many things that Kanda would have liked to ask her, but the woman was quicker:

" Exorcist, listen to me carefully." Kanda arched his eyebrow in curiosity and did as she ordered.

" I'm your ally since I want to destroy the Earl, just like you, though for different reasons. " she continued " I have been fighting him for many years, but now I'm tired, I've used my powers just too much, and I need to sleep for awhile. While I'm unconscious take me at the Dark Religious' Headquarters, right? Would you do this? " she asked in the sweeter way.

Kanda didn't know what to do, somehow confused by the sudden change of her behaviour ,but nodded feeling himself as a puppet in her hands. He just couldn't say: no.

" Would you really do this for me? " she asked again. He nodded slightly and she smiled in return, a sad smile though . Then the young woman closed her eyes, her heart stopped beating, and she fell .

Kanda somehow managed to reach her before she'd hit the ground, but she did not show any sign of life. Her face instead displayed a peaceful expression as if she was really sleeping. But she wasn't breathing, her hearth was not beating. She was dead and still the swordsman could not possibly believe it: he was sure that one day, who knows when, she would wake up, like one of those princess of the fairy tales.

Kanda observed her carefully. So beautiful and so distant…

It was as if she was frozen in the ice, near, but still forever out of reach for everyone. There was no way to touch her heart, to understand her, no matter how near her body could have been.

" _Ethereally beautiful and powerful like a Goddess… no wonder she seems so distant. It's as if she doesn't belong to this world. Like a miracle, she appeared out __of nowhere and she can vanish at any moment, something that has nothing to do with us, still we can't help but love her even if she would never see us as her equals. _"

He remembered the sad smile she had given to him before falling. There was a trail of kindness in her eyes in that moment but even then, even if she was standing in front of him, so near that he could have brushed her cheek with his fingers, even so, she could not have been more far away from him in every possible way. Exactly as if frozen in the ice, surrounding by it, shielded from every possible human feeling as from every attack.

In the few moments Kanda could have seen her face he had noticed an unbearable sadness, an unspoken pain that was piercing her heart. Still, she smiled to him…

" Who the hell is she? " Kanda asked to no one while they were embraced by the gentle darkness of the night.

**Then? What do you think of Cassandra? I put all my brain in the attempt to describe her as I imagine her… I can see her in front of me now as if she is real, but unfortunately this doesn't help me to find the right words… What a pity… I tried to drawn her and to post the image under this chapter, but it doesn't work… I'm really sorry of this… I had already drawn something like all the character that appear until the eighth chapter and then I found out that I can't post them! I was so bloody angry that you can't imagine! Anyway, speaking of Cassandra, she is a particular character and I have a lot of surprises in store for her… you'll see XD I hope you like her at least the half of me, it would be far enough! **

**REVIEWS AND TELL ME EVERYTHING THAT CROSS YOUR MIND ABOUT THIS STO****RY: WHAT YOU LIKED, WHAT MADE YOU BORED, HOW DO YOU IMAGINE THE CHARACTERS I'VE SHOWED YOU, WHO IS YOUR FAVOURITE AND WHY!!!! **

**Thank you for reading…**** and thanks to ****Knux33**** who correct my grammatical errors! He really is a big help… **

**Eris92**


	5. Chapter 5 What's going to happen now?

**So, I have finally introduced Cassandra… Is she really dead? Kanda seemed kinda interested on her, but… in which way? If you want to know****, go on reading the fic.!**

**I promise you all one thing: from now on I'm going to make this fic always more interesting! To tell the truth, it isn't simple at all to find a way to put together all the clues that Katsura Hoshino-sensei left behind throughout the manga, but I'm doing my best and I have a lot of funny ideas… Please, support me if you like what I've been writing until now! **

**Soundtrack of this chapter is " Somewhere" ****and the instrumental version of" Memories" by Within Temptation. They're not exactly my favourite songs of theirs, but I found them just right for this part of the story.**

FIFTH CHAPTER**- WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN?**

Morning- Dark Religious Headquarters

" How is she, Bookman? " a voice asked from the corner of the room. It was Komui's voice.

" I don't know yet," the old man answered, " she doesn't respond to my treatments, no matter what I try. Actually she's dead, she is not breathing, her heart doesn't beat at all, but there is something strange about her corpse… Ten days has passed since her arrival here and her body doesn't show any sign of decay. And that's not all: though her body has been ceasing every vital function, I can still perceive life throughout her. Her aura is changing, but it's not vanishing. Do you understand what I mean? "

" Maybe…" Komui admitted " You're saying that she should be dead but that she's not really so? "

" Something like that." The old man sighed giving up to Komui's ignorance about chakras and their rules " Anyway, I'd like to know something more about this interesting creature."

This time it was Komui's turn to sigh: " There is no much to say. She appeared out of nowhere saving Kanda from the Noah he was fighting, a new one who called himself Amatus, and she beated him in no time by turning him into a mummy, but this probably was only a way to have the Earl's attention focused on her. He did came, indeed, she challenged him to a fight and he accepted, but they exchanged only few strokes since none of them seemed able to hit the opponent. More than a duel it appeared as if they were studying each other… At the end they put off their duel until their next meeting. They said they were not able to kill each other at present. After the Earl and the Noah were gone she said to Kanda to take her here and lost consciousness saying something about going to sleep. She is like this since then. Oh, I forgot, the Millennium Earl called her Cassandra. I suppose this is her name."

" That's really all you know about her? " Bookman asked a little surprised

" Yes, this is all." Komui confirmed " We're searching for more information, but we have no clues: we don't know who she is, nor where she did come from, nor where her family may be, we don't even know how does she know about the Earl, nor if her powers come from some type of Innocence…and that's what I'd really like to know! " he sighed again.

" Anyway, the very moment before she lost consciousness she said that she was going to sleep in order to restore her powers. Could she mean this through " sleep" ? Do you think she is ever going to awaken? ".

Bookman stood silent for a few moments gazing at the dead girl, wondering what he should say, then he answered the truth:

" Yes, I think so, and I think she is going to wake up very soon too. "

" I hope…" Komui said doubtfully.

Dark Religious, Cafeteria

" Have you heard anything about the newcomer? "

This was the question that was echoing in the huge room and the answer was always the same too:

" I tried to ask to Kanda, I had heard that he was there when the newcomer arrived, but he nearly killed me! He showed me that scary sword of his, that Mugen, and said something like: _" Are you speaking with me? ". _So scary!I'll never ask anything to him anymore! "

" You're right, he's so rude… Look at him, he is always there, alone, no wonder of it… "

Everyone in the room was saying something like this since all the members of the Black Order were anxious to see their new companion and curious to know why their superiors didn't want them to know anything about it. It was strange: usually newcomers were welcomed with a great party , but this time instead…

" Do you think someone new has really come? " Lenalee asked to Allen

" Why not? " He replied " It would surely raise everyone's spirit and all this people is far too excited for it to be only a rumour. I think that something really happened. Why don't you ask to your brother? ". At these words Lenalee hesitated:

" It's not as if I can see him very often lately… He is working very hard, I've never seen him so busy: he is always wandering from a place to another and he often talks with Bookman. "

" With Bookman? " Link asked ( like always, he was following poor Allen) " I thought he had been sent out with Lavi for some mission. "

" He wasn't, but no one has seen him lately. I suppose he is doing some strange work here at the Headquarters along with Komui-san. " Allen guessed " I only know that he took care of Kanda's injuries when he returned form his mission in Rome. "

" Now that I think about it, everything has started when Kanda returned home! Maybe we should ask _him_ if he knows something… " Lenalee suggested

" Ask him if you dare! " Allen challenged her with an half smile "Meanwhile, I'll put between you and me as much distance as I can: I don't want to see when he will slaughter you! "

" Allen! You shouldn't talk like this of him! And he won't slaughter me! " she cried out

" I wouldn't bet on it…" Link murmured

" You two are so annoying! " Lenalee exploded " I'll go and ask him right now! " she rose on her feet trying to reach Kanda, but someone else got in before her: Komui went near the swordsman and say something in a low voice. A moment later they were leaving the room in an hurry.

" Where are they going? " a voice asked at Allen's back

" Lavi! " Everybody turned to gaze at the red-haired exorcist that was smiling at their backs.

" Hi, everyone! I've just returned and what I find? Komui and Yuu-chan acting in such a suspect way… What's going on? "

" You first: where's Crowley? Wasn't him with you? " Lenalee asked

" He was. Now Kuro-chan is at the infirmary, just a small scratch, no need to worry. Now it's your turn: what's going on? "

" We really don't know anything. Last week a lot of rumours occurred relating Kanda and a new exorcist who should have just arrived, but they're only rumours, as I said. " Allen explained.

Lavi didn't even have the time to reply that a finder called them:

" All the exorcists must come with me to the infirmary. Komui-san wish to se you all. "

Ten minutes later…

" Kanda, hurry! She has awaken! " Komui's voice reached Kanda with the intensity of a shot even though he uttered those words in a low voice.

The swordsman would have never admitted it, but since the day he had met that woman he had continued to think about her every moment, unable to concentrate on anything else. Still, he had not thought of her with any liking. Not that he could say that he completely disliked her, but there was something strange about that woman, he could almost perceive that she kept some important secret and he simply could not trust her. No matter how ethereally beautiful she may appear, there was no way he could put his trust in her, there was no way he could really think of her as an ally.

Still, he had been captured by her, by her sad smile, and he wanted to know her, he just wanted to understand her, the ice goddess, so proud and distant in appearance, but behind her cold mask, he could feel an ocean of emotions, hidden, but so deep that he could easily imagine of drowning in it. She was a mystery, the most enchanting mystery of the world, and he could not stand to not know, even if she was a danger, even if he couldn't trust her, even if she was something very close to an enemy, he wanted to know her more than anything else.

Was it just curiosity because she had just saved him? He doubted, but it still was a comfortable excuse. So, as soon as Komui had called him, he had risen up from his seat and followed him.

" What do you mean by awaken? "

" Her vital function returned all of a sudden. Just an hour ago she began to move and a few minutes ago she awakened, as if she had really been asleep. But there is something strange about her…"

" What do you mean? "

" She is not as you described her at all. Well, now you'll see it with your own eyes, we're almost arrived. " Komui opened the door and, as soon as he entered, Kanda saw a young woman seating on her bed, looking back at him with wide eyes.

At first he failed to recognise her, but then he noticed that she had the same long, curly, brown hair, the same light brown eyes, almost yellow, the same angelic features… but something about her was dreadful wrong: she did not appear like a goddess anymore, but like a frightened, helpless girl. Then he realized what was wrong: it was only her expression, nothing more.

Her features were the same of before, but the emotions behind them had changed and this had completely transformed her face. It was frightening to see the difference it had caused: her eyes seemed bigger and this made her appear naive and innocent, like a child. Now Kanda was even more suspicious about her.

" Where am I? " she asked " Who are you? ". Her voice was low and slow, as if she was hesitating, she seemed to be surprised even by the sound of her very voice. Even if the two shared the same body, she had anything in common with the woman Kanda had met ten days before.

" Don't you know where you are? Don't you remember his face? " Komui asked gently pointing at Kanda. The young woman shook her head surprising the Japanese man always more.

" Don't you remember when you met me in Rome and asked me to take you here? ". She shook her head again with a strange confused expression on her angelic face.

" How can this be? " Kanda murmured

" I don't know…" Komui replied with a thoughtful expression " Are you sure of what you have seen that night, Kanda-kun? "

" Of course I'm sure, no doubt of it." He answered still too surprised to get angry for the insinuation. He was going to add something when the door smashed open and the other exorcists entered. They stood in front of the girl's bed with a shocked look on their faces.

" _Could it be that it's her the one people are gossiping about? "_ Allen thought

" You're here, finally! " Komui welcomed them " I'm happy to introduce you a girl that will probably become your companion! " he said with enthusiasm while everyone was staring at the woman in disbelief without saying a word. The only sound to be heard was an _"unknown"_ voice whispering: " Strike… "

After some moment, Allen tried to break the awkward silence: " Well, it's great to know that there will be a ne w exorcist! " he said smiling. To tell the truth this girl didn't seem completely alright to him, but maybe she was only surprised like them all. " Tell me, what's your name? " he asked encouraging her, but she did not answer immediately and the silence fell again.

Allen had just started to wonder what he had done wrong when she answered with a very low voice: " I don't know what my name is. What did you mean when you said that I'm going to be your companion? What's an exorcist?..." she hesitated "… Who am I? " she asked.

Everyone looked at her in shock and then they turned towards Komui searching for an explanation. Only Kanda and Bookman continued to observe her carefully and they both notice d the same thing: there was no fear, nor confusion in her, she was perfectly calm, she only seemed curious as a newborn child anxious to discover the world around her. Yes, her big, sparkling eyes were just like those of a child: innocent and fearless.

While Kanda and Bookman were lost in their reasoning, Komui explained once more the situation to the others telling them how Kanda had met the girl and revealing her what the exorcists were and the way they're fighting the Millennium Earl and his allies, the Noah's family and the akumas.

" From what I heard, you fought them too that night, but I can't still say how or why. Actuallly, the only one who could know this it's you, but you said you don't remember anything at all. " he stood for a little while in silence, then he added: " If you fought the Earl, you had to use Innocence, but I can't see any equipment-type weapon near you, nor do you look like a parasitic-type. Maybe you used a new type of Innocence that we have never met before, or maybe you're not using Innocence at all and your powers are something different, though this is highly improbable. The only way we have to know the truth is to ask Hevlaska. If you will let her examine you, we'll find out if and what kind of Innocence you have. "

At these words the young woman stared back at him for a while, then she said: " Take me to her. " Her voice was calm and determinate, it surprised everyone.

"… Good…" Komui hesitated, then he added " Lenalee, would you mind to come with us and help her stand? After ten days of immobility she must have the muscles all numb. "

Lenalee immediately nodded and went near the young woman offering her an hand, but Cassandra ignored her and rose up with her own strength alone.

" Well…" Komui repeated looking doubtful " Everyone follow me." He ordered to the exorcists and so they set out to Hevlaska's place.

On the way, despite Komui's fears, Cassandra did not show any emotion, but curiosity. Even when she met Hevlaska's gaze, that Allen had thought so scary at first, she was completely calm. She advanced towards the strange exorcist as much as she could and stared at her with a dreaming look, fascinated, and when Hevlaska embraced her to examine her powers she didn't change her neutral expression.

" She's incredible…" Lavi commented "… The first time I saw Hevlaska I shouted and tried to run away. She doesn't seem even frightened instead! "

" That's true. I remember that I tried to attack her. I was really scared." Allen confirmed. That woman was definitively strange, she never acted like the others expected her to do and she didn't seem to fear anything, she was only observing what was around her with infinitive curiosity as if everything was new to her. As the other exorcists would have discovered later, the most common objects, like a pen or a piece of glass, had the power to obtain her full attention for hours. As if everything was new to her…

" That's strange, " Hevlaska admitted once the examination was over, " I've never seen anything like this before. "

" Explain yourself " Allen asked

" There is Innocence or not? " Komui added

" Yes, there is Innocence _within_ her, no doubt of it, but it's not an equipment-type, nor a parasitic- type, not even a crystal-type like Lenalee's. It's more as if she _is_ the Innocence herself. "

" What do you mean? " Komui was surprised the most and a bit worry, Lenalee could guess that from his voice.

" I don't know exactly…" Hevlaska appeared doubtful "… Usually the Innocence is concentrated in an object or is some part of the body of the compatible person, but that's not her situation: the Innocence seems to spread equally in every part of her body. it even surrounds her like a shield. The concentration of Innocence in her is incredible, and that's why all the matter is even more strange than how it appeared at the beginning: though with such an amount of power she should be stronger of all the other exorcists together, her synchronization values are of the 5%. This means that she can't use the Innocence at all. Still, I can't absolutely believe that she is not compatible. She must be so, anyway else she wouldn't have survived until now. The innocence would have eaten her alive: _she would have become a fallen._ "

" _She would have become a fallen."_ Everyone trembled at these words and looked towards the girl. What secret was she hiding? Everything about her was just so strange…

" Can it be something similar to what happened to me? " Lenalee asked " When I wasn't able to activate my Innocence anymore… ? "

Hevlaska was uneasy: " I thought of it too, but I can't be sure of that. Her Innocence is different from yours, completely different from everything I've seen and not only for what concerns the form. The way it acts an thinks is different too, but I don't know why. Remember what I'm saying: she is the Innocence herself, you can't compare her to anything you know. You all must be ready for everything. I don't know why she lost the ability to activate, so I can't say if and when she will regain it, but when the moment will come, you can be sure it won't be for nothing. "

The silence fell and everyone looked again towards the girl that now, for the first time, seemed a bit scared… and sad.

At last, she spoke: " I can't remember anything about what happened before this morning. I can't even remember my own name. I guess it's awful… Do you think this can be related with the loss of my Innocence? " she asked slowly in a low, shy, voice.

" It can be. " Hevlaska answered gently " Probably there is a connection between your Innocence and your memory. "

" Then, if I regain my Innocence I'll regain my memories too and vice versa? " she asked with a greedy look on her face.

" Probably. " Hevlaska confirmed smiling.

At these words the girl turned towards Komui and spoke with a resolute gaze that almost frightened him: " You all want me to fight that Millennium Earl or whatever-is-his-name, right? "

" Y-yes…" Komui nodded surprised by her quick change of behaviour.

" And I want to regain my memories." The girl continued " So, let's make a deal: you'll help me to get my powers back and then I'll help you to fight that Millennium guy, ok? "

Komui smiled in a mischievous way, almost the same smile he usually did when he could hurt one of Lenalee's suitor, then he said: " Fine by me."

" Do you have any idea of what we can do to make your Innocence come back to work? " Lavi asked her.

" None at all! " the young woman admitted with an innocent, cute expression that made Lavi's heart make a jump.

" Striiiiiikeeeeee…." He whispered again with a dreaming look, but she didn't even noticed his strange behaviour, her mind was lost in other thoughts.

" Anyway, " she said " it's not as if my Innocence went away fore some reason… If what Hevlaska says is true, it's more as if it's sealed, as if it's sleeping…"

" What have you said? "Komui shouted suddenly interrupting her, " Sleeping… was this then what you meant that time? When you said that you were going to sleep in order to recover your strength, we thought you were talking about that sort of apparent death in which you had fallen, but… maybe we were wrong…"

" Maybe you were talking about sealing your Innocence for sometime. " Bookman completed for him.

" It can be…" she conceded, " But now, even if I want to, I can't break the seal." Her voice was very sad now.

"Probably the time to do so hasn't come yet… Cassandra, that night you said that you were going to awaken one day, so you shouldn't worry. Everything will work fine." Komui said gently trying to reassure her, but he didn't succeeded. " You only have to relax, believe me, and I'm sure that when the time comes you'll be yourself again. "

" And what if we are wrong? " the girl asked " What if I don't just have to wait and see? What if I have to do something about it, instead? I can't simply wait for things to happen, I have to fight to obtain what I want! " she exclaimed with passion. Komui observed her in silence for some moment. He knew very well the resolute gaze she was showing him: it was the same look Lenalee had when she was pleading for him to implant forcefully the Innocence into her body.

Komui felt the anger rising inside him: why were they all so determined to regain their powers when they made them suffer so much? At least, now he though he had understood it: people who are used to be powerful and fight for what they care about, this kind of people simply can't bear to have to endure adversities in silence and do nothing. Even if they can't help being useless, they would never be able to accept it because they're warriors and fighting is their whole life.

After many years between the exorcists, Komui had understood it and had accepted it, but even so he couldn't let her do as she pleased: " Cassandra, " he said in a serious tone, " things are not so simple. If I could decide freely I would let you do whatever you want, but that's not the situation. There are a few things you must know, and the first of those is that the high hierarchy of the Order has no scruples at all. They want desperately to win this war once for all and we don't have exorcists enough to destroy the Millennium Earl and the Noah family. If our superiors will find out _who _you really are they won't hesitate and they will send you to some battlefield even if you can't fight right now. Do you understand now? No one must know who you really are, but the people in this room in this very moment. We must act secretly. That's why if there's a chance that you will awaken by yourself we have to confide in this. Officially, you'll be a supporter who was badly injured by an akuma's attack and you, Allen, please tell to Link-san that I called you because I had a new mission to give you, ok? "

" Sure, Komui-san" Allen answered

" And what about me? " Cassandra asked in disbelief " I'll simply have to wait and see how things will turn out? " Her voice was low, but it was clear that she was furious. Kanda believed that she could have cried for the anger.

" Yes. For now at least. Until Link-san will leave the Head-quarters you must be invisible! If he'll know the truth about you, then Leverrier will know too and this would be your end. Cassandra, I'm begging you to understand. I don't want another death n my conscience. Please." Komui was actually pleading her. The girl looked away and snorted, but said nothing. She was still very angry, but she didn't want to be a trouble for Komui.

So the meeting ended with the agreement that everything they had said must be kept secret and Cassandra was trusted to Lenalee's charge.

**-- Author's note****s --**

**How is it? Wow, Cassandra is becoming always more interesting to write about because she is impulsive, she easily get angry and easily forgive and forget and, though she surely is self-centric, at the very bottom of her heart she is kind… you can guess it from how she acts towards Komui. If you have any question about the characters, please ask, I'll be glad to answer you in these free spaces so that everyone can read the answer!**

_**Please, review! No matter what you think of this story, write it! Even if you think that's nothing special and that it doesn't deserve the time of writing something upon this, please, said it!**_

**A special**** thanks to everyone who has read this fic, to everyone that encouraged me to go on, to everyone who criticized me because they helped me doing better, and finally a special thanks to myself ^^ who has been passing every night awake trying to write this fic because I have no time to do so during the day! You won't believe me, but reading the reviews is the best part of my day, so leave a comment!**

**Eris92 **


	6. Chapter 6 The reasons of the exorcist

**Hi, people! Here I am, as always, trying to entertain you! I was very doubtful when I started this chapter, I didn't have any idea of what I was going to write, but then it turned out very well( I shouldn't be the one to say this though… ^^')… I hope you'll like this too!**

**I'm a bit ashamed of how short this chapter is, but don't worry, I'll redeem myself with the next one… XD**

**From the reviews I received I can guess that you readers liked Cassandra, am I right? I'm so glad of this… ****She is the first character I create of this fic, she was born a lot of time before I had even the idea of writing this.**

**Soundtrack for this chapter: many, in particular Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven is dedicated to the new character of this chapter. I know I'm introducing a lot of new characters, but in DMG there are almost all males… it's time to bring a bit of femininity! ^^**

**Don't forget to review if you don't want to make me cry in sadness!****( yes, I'm ready for everything for a comment…even to blackmail you! XP ) **

**Eris92, the mad author**

SIXTH CHAPTER- **THE REASONS OF THE EXORCIST AND THE CUTE WITCH**

Evening, Allen's and Link's room

" What? A new mission? " Link shouted in surprise

" Yes. " Allen stated with a wide smile.

" _He is lying! "_Link thought, but said: " B- but you haven't completely recovered yet! "

The inspector remembered very well the last fight Allen had gotten into: he had to combat alone against a bunch of level three and Link could do nothing but see while the exorcist was hurt by the enemies. The blond one was still lost in his thoughts when Allen's words brought him back to the real world: " Do you think someone cares about me being still hurt? I'm an exorcist, we exist in order to defeat akumas, no matter how many of us must be sacrificed for it. At least, that's what our superiors think and I thought you agreed with Leverrier". There was no bitterness in Allen's voice, it was perfectly emotionless, but Link didn't dare to answer. He hated when the exorcist talked in that way, as if Link and Leverrier were a single person and mind.

" Anyway, " Allen continued, " I won't be alone this time: Crowley-san and Tokusa-san will come with us."

" Tokusa? One of the third exorcists? "

" Exactly. I have to say that I'm pretty curious to see him fight."

Again, there was no answer. Then Link took courage and asked: " Why did Komui called all you exorcists this morning? "

" He wanted to inform us about our new missions. "

Link snorted: " You won't fool me, Allen! There must be something more! "

" You're wrong."

" Allen! " Link said in a severe voice " If I have the feeling that you're hiding something, I'll have to tell this to Commandant Leverrier and you know what this means! "

At these words Allen sighed pretending to give up: " Akumas are killing a lot of supporters these days. Many of them are badly injured and there is no place where we can treat them without risks but this. Obviously to take them here means to break the rules because only the exorcists and the finders along with the science section are supposed to know where the Headquarters are, for a matter of secrecy. Still, anyway else this people would die and we can't abandon them after they risked their life for us! " Allen made a break to give more effect to the speech, then he added: " Please, Link, if Leverrier would know this Komui-san would be in troubles when he was only trying to help our companions! " He paused again, then he murmured with pleading eyes: " Would you tell this to Leverrier? "

Link stubbornly stood in silence for a while, his face emotionless, then he answered with nonchalance: " My duty is to watch after you and inform Commandant Leverrier if you're doing something strange. Supporters injured carrying out their job is none of my business."

Suddenly Allen showed a big smile and embraced Link with enthusiasm: " Thank you soooo much, Link! You really are a friend! "

" I'm not your friend so let go of me already or I'll change my mind! " Link threatened him doing his best to hide a smile.

" Sorry, sorry, forgive me! " Allen excused himself immediately

" Speaking about the mission," Link asked after having regained his usual emotionless calm, " where are we going? ". Allen smiled. Link was always like this: every time he said something that could have appeared a bit out of character he always changed topic talking about trivial things.

Allen really wanted to tell him something like: How annoying you are! " but he gave up instantly and decided to answer seriously: " We are going to the United States! Have you ever seen the U.S.A., Link? " the boy asked joyfully.

" Of course, many times, as Leverrier's assistant." He said with his usual pompous manner, destroying Allen's enthusiasm. Now the exorcist couldn't hold himself back: " You're really annoying, you know, Link? "

" What are you saying, beansprout? " Link smirked imitating Kanda.

" Shut up! It's Allen!!! "

( Author's note: 1- 0 for Link O_o but Allen has fooled him before, so, should I say 1-1 ?)

Evening, U.S.A.

The three exorcists and Link had just come down from the ship which had taken them from Europe to the United States and now they were searching for a place where they could rest that night.

The travel had been quiet and somehow surprising. The surprise didn't come from Crowley, who, as usual, had gotten lost all the time, nor from Link who was focused on making himself appear as disagreeable as he could, and this too wasn't exactly a surprise, but from Tokusa, instead.

Despite his scary appearance, once the ice was broken, he proved himself to be an easy-going fellow. Sometimes in their relationship there was a bit of embarrassment because of his half- akuma nature, especially from Crowley's part, but at the end they all got along better than what they had expected. With Allen in particular, Tokusa seemed to have built a strong friendship though they had known each other for such a short time.

" Tokusa, " Allen asked him once, " why have you become an exorcist? If you don't want to answer it's okay, don't worry, I was just wondering…"

" Do you mean: why have I decided to become an exorcist at this condition? " he replied with a bitter smile, showing himself with a gesture. Allen nodded.

" People like you who was chosen by Innocence would never understand. No matter how much you try, Allen, you won't ever be able to realize the feeling of being completely useless." At this point he stopped for some moment, lost in his thoughts, then he continued:

" My family was destroyed by akumas. I'm alive because my big sister gave her life to save mine. She hid me just in time, then she was killed in front of my very eyes. That day I've sworn that I would give up my life to hunt down those monsters, so I did researches to find out what they were and how I could destroy them. It took me years to discover the Dark Religious' existence, but as soon as I found out that, I understood that my dream was unreachable: I wasn't compatible with any Innocence. The only thing I could do to help was to become a finder. So I did, but I hated what I had become: I couldn't help the feeling of being useless. I've seen hundreds of my companions dying and being replaced as if nothing happened, so, even if I was working far more than the other finders, my heart was still unsatisfied. I felt clearly that whatever I could have done I would have never obtained my revenge that way, that no matter how many of us could have died, we would have been easily replaced and nothing would have changed without us. I could have died at any moment and sacrifice my life in the noblest of the ways, still, nobody would have missed me, nobody would have thought of me as someone important, nobody would have ever thought that my sacrifice would have been of any help. I was completely useless, I knew this, and I could not bear it. Helping the exorcists wasn't enough for me. I wished for fighting in the first line, I wished for glory and respect and, most of all, for revenge. Tortured by those emotions I wasn't able to find peace until…" he stopped again " Until I heard of the " Third exorcist project". I found it out for a mere coincidence and sometimes I wonder what would have happened of my life if I hadn't overheard that speech… Anyway, the following day I introduced myself to the scientist who was the leader of the project, Renee, and I offered myself as a guinea pig for the experiment. They took me and so… here I am."

" So you accepted to become an half-akuma for revenge? " Allen asked shocked.

" Revenge is only one of the reasons which made me take this choice, but yes, I guess it's correct to say that I accepted to take my revenge on the Earl and the akumas for what they took away from me. "

" Have you thought that your sister wouldn't have ever wanted you to live like this? "Allen asked with an annoyed face. Tokusa sighed:

" Allen, don't take me wrong. When I say that I want revenge, I mean for myself, not for her, nor for my parents. They're dead and no matter what I do, they'd never come back, but akumas took away from me every opportunity I had to have a normal life and that's why I want revenge. I want revenge so that there won't be another life destroyed by the Earl as mine was, and for the sake of this I won't stop at nothing. I don't care if the path I've chosen is hard, no matter if I'll have to split blood. Even if what awaits me is an ocean of suffering and death, I'll swim across it until I'll succeed or I'll drown. Do you understand what I mean? "

There was a moment of silence and then: " …Yes, I understand…"

Allen had understood very well the second part of his speech: it was exactly like the promise he had made to Mana. Never stop walking, follow your path until its end, whatever it would be.

From that day Allen did never felt the impulse of asking Tokusa how could he bear being an half-akuma, because he had understood: Tokusa and himself belonged to the same kind of person. They had made a promise to themselves and the rest of the world and now they were going to fulfil it, no matter what, because that promise was their reason for living.

After having wander for half an hour in the town, the exorcists finally discovered an inn where they could stay for the night. They were welcomed by an old woman who showed herself as pleasant as her daughter was disagreeable. In fact the young woman, almost twenty, though she was very pretty, had a stern look and she gazed at everyone as if they were some strange, funny animals that didn't deserve any attention from her part.

Pretty soon the exorcists found out that she was famous in the city as a witch and an heart-breaker. With her slender body and her deep blue eyes crowned by bushy eyelashes and short, luminous, black hair, she was the object of the desires of every man who knew her, but she didn't seem to care at all.

She always kept distance between her and the others, she never spoke to anyone if she wasn't questioned and she always treated everyone as if they were dirt.

She obviously was full of hatred and anger towards people, but nobody knew why and nobody ever dared to ask her and not only for her terrible character: lately she had gotten the habit of taking with her a whip that she somehow wore on her leg.

Women said that she was an evil witch and that she should have left the country, if she found so horrible to have to deal with other people, and that was not all: many men, mortified by her refusal, hated her.

Every time she was to be seen, she could have been sure that glances of hatred would follow her everywhere, like a curse, but of this too she didn't seem to care at all. She was emotionless, uncaring till the edge of cruelty, unsocial. The worst combination ever.

At the beginning, Allen didn't want to believe such nasty things about her, but Link soon reminded him of the rude attitude she had showed to them the evening they reached the inn and Allen had to admit that there was at least one reason for people to dislike her.

Anyway, the exorcists didn't had time to spare on the mystery of a disagreeable, young woman and, after a first day of relax, they started searching for akumas and Innocence.

The first three days they didn't met anything of the kind, only a lonely level one which was wondering across the woods, so they started to relax. Maybe there wasn't Innocence in that place and the akumas that the finders declared to have seen were just passing by… That's what they thought.

They couldn't even imagine how much they were wrong.

**---Author's notes --- free thoughts in a free space…**

**This chapter is so short!!! Please, forgive me!!! That's because in my original plan the VI and VII chapter were only one, but then, since it was far too long for my standards, I decided to cut it into two parts… **

**Originally this chapter should have had Allen as the main character, but at the end I completely failed… I mean: the main character of DMG is Allen, so it should be the same for this fic, but I am not able to do that way! It's not that I dislike Allen or something, I like him a lot, but I can't say to completely understand him. My personality is more near to Kanda's, Amatus's or even Cross' so I can't get exactly how the likes of Allen usually act. You will ask: what does Kanda, Amatus, and Cross share? I answer: they all are, more or less, selfish people. If they are pissed off, they will say it, they will threaten people who annoys them and resolve the situation. I'm like this. I never make a mystery of my feelings for what concerns anger, or sadness, I think of myself first and I don't care of how the others may feel. I'm not saying that this is right, this is only the truth. Allen, instead, is something completely different. He smiles when he would like to cry so that people won't get worry for him, he is ready to sacrifices himself even for people he doesn't know at all, he always knows what's the right thing to do and he is so optimistic… He is a real hero. I'm not. That's probably why is so difficult for me to write about him, this and the fact that we know him pretty well. There aren't great mysteries about his past, only the fourteenth matter, and that's why strange characters like Tokusa has my attention more than him. I simply love Tokusa. He is another selfish person who made of his desire of revenge his reason to live. I have already planned the past of the others third exorcists too, but I don't know when I will have the chance of writing about them… Anyway, I'll try to upload the new chapter soon, so wait for it! XD**

**I like to write this comments at the beginning and at the end of the chapters so, please, even if they're boring, try to deal with it. It's an attempt to make the readers understand a little about me, as if someone could be interested in it…^^ but I often wonder what the authors of my favourite stories think…**

**As always I've written too much… forgive me…and, since here are the three a.m., I wish you all a good night… A thousand thanks to everyone who is reading this fic and especially to Knux33 who corrects my grammatical errors.**

**Please, ****REWIEW!**

**Eris92**


	7. Chapter 7 The witch and the saviour

**Hi people, here it is, for you all, the seventh chapter!!! I'm sorry to have made you all wait this long, but school is killing me, literally… I beg you all to understand…**

**Writing this chapter, I realized that I've never written what's the name of the daughter of the mistress of the inn ^^'' Well, I'll say it now: her name is Sara. Lately I'm drawing**** her often… If someone knows how to post an image in this site, please tell me! I'd like so much to post my drawings of the characters…**

**Anyway, this is an important chapter to understand the character of Sara so, please, read it carefully. I've worked quite a lot on this, I've changed it many times, and I'm not still satisfied by the result, but… Well, I was tired of rewriting it so I decided to upload it as it was. **

**As always, please, I beg you to LEAVE A REWIEW! **

**Soundtrack for this chapter was " Redemption" by Gackto-sama ( listen to this song!!!! Absolutely!) and " Moonlight Sonata" by Beethoven, again. I simply love this music and I think it suits Sara… Let me know what you think of her! It's very important for me. **

**Reading the traffic of the story I found out that there are a lot of people reading this fic, but then… why nobody leaves a comment??? Please, help me to keep on writing!**

**P.S. does someone know that's the difference between the visitors and the hits of the story? **

**CHAPTER SEVENTH- THE WITCH AND THE SAVIO****UR**

Evening, U.S.A.

It was the tenth and last day of the exorcists' permanence in the town. Since they had not found out anything of what they had come for, there was no reason to extend their stay.

It was evening and Allen, as usual, was eating almost everything that was to be seen in the room under the astonished looks of his companions that were still unable to accept that such an insatiable monster could hide himself behind such a cute face. Only Tokusa seemed to find it very funny and in fact he was trying to convince Link and Crowley to have a bet on how much their companion would have been still able to eat. Fortunately, nobody took him seriously.

Anyway, Allen was still eating when the signs of an imminent calamity were showed.

Suddenly a man entered in the inn shouting: " Everyone, listen to me! It's going to come a hurricane! The sky has become dark all of a sudden and the winds are raising! We have to bar doors and windows and… to prepare ourselves for a terrible night."

" How can this be?" the old mistress of the inn cried out: " The scientists said that for this year we wouldn't have had other hurricanes! "

" It seems that they were wrong, mother." A cold voice answered, " You really should bar the doors and the windows as this man suggested." She continued " I'm going out. See you later. "

" What does this mean? " her mother replied " Aren't you going to help me? An hurricane is coming and you want to go out: are you mad? "

The young woman did not show any reaction: " I'm sure that someone will say so, but there is something I have to know before the hurricane arrives." She said and left.

" Sara! " her mother cried out, but her daughter had already vanished in the mist and the rain.

" Sara!" she kept on shouting uselessly. She seemed so desperate that Allen and Crowley offered themselves to go out and search for her daughter. Initially Link protested, but after a little while he was moved too by the tears of the old woman( he had a great heart even if he didn't want to admit it) and accepted to join the others. At this rate Tokusa was forced to join too.

Now the danger was coming always nearer to the exorcists without any suspicion from their part.

The group ran under the rain, fighting against the raising violence of the winds, searching for Sara, but no matter where they were looking or how much they were shouting her name, they couldn't find her. They were thinking about doing the researches separately when Allen yelled: "Everyone, remain here! My eye is reacting to something near us! "

" Do you mean that there are akumas around us? " Tokusa asked

" Yes, " was the simple answer, " and they're quite a lot " .

" Allen is right, " Crowley added " I can smell the scent of their blood. They're almost fifty."

" Good, at least, I'll make myself useful. Link, please, remain behind me; they're coming always nearer." Tokusa commented.

The inspector obeyed in silence.

The tension became palpable.

Though they could sense the presence of akumas filling the air, the exorcists could not see them and this was the problem. How can you face an enemy you can't see? How can you fight a presence that has no body? The stress before the fight had always been the worst part for Allen. During the battle he had never had problems, fear or anguish had never paralyzed him, but he could not say the same of the moments that preceded the fight. The feeling of danger and uncertainty had always disturbed him. He hated when he didn't know what he had to do.

Then, suddenly, many things happened in the radius of few seconds: the akumas left their shelter among the trees to attack the exorcists who activated instantly and then the enemies threw on them an huge attack. They were almost all level one and to guide them there was a level three which ( A.N: which or who? After all akumas do have a conscience, even if their puppets of the Earl…) was observing the battle a few metres behind them. It was the special power of the level three that was provoking the hurricane. Then, in the middle of the fight, the exorcists heard a voice shouting: " Stop it! ". It was Sara.

" Run away! " Allen yelled as soon as he saw her " They're akumas, there is nothing that you… can… do…against…them." The last words died in Allen throat while he was ending his speech at the sight of Sara who was destroying the akuma in front of her with a single hit of her whip.

In that moment the exorcists realized both what the Innocence they were searching for was and why they had not found akumas around the city: the power trapped inside the whip had already found its master in Sara and it had been her the one who had protected the city until then. It seemed incredible that she could have done it without any training. Anyway, even if she was almost too good to be true, fifty akumas were just too much for her alone, so the other exorcists came to help her.

Tokusa had just absorbed his first prey when Sara raged at him: " Stand back! I don't need your help! ".

She seemed very angry and she even found the time to glare a threatening look at him while she was jumping from a spot to another in order to avoid the explosions of the akumas she had defeated.

" Stand back! " she repeated and Allen would have bet that she was crying while she was saying this, if it was possible to cry for a stern and proud being like her. She was fighting with all her will and strength, but it was obvious that she was in pain. Not a physical pain, but still something that was making her heart shutter. Every time she destroyed an akuma it seemed that a piece of her was dying with it, Allen could just read it on her face.

Her way to fight was something impressive to be seen: like a fury, she ran towards her enemies without any concern of what could have happened to her, she jumped and slashed her target quickly, suddenly, as if the pain she was feeling could give her the strength to fight. Then she fell on the ground with elegance and ran against another enemy, again, and so she kept on fighting, without showing any sign of tiredness.

Meanwhile the others were trying to be nothing less than her. Allen slashed every akuma he could see with his Crown Clown, Crowley drank as much as he could, Tokusa was so happy to be useful that seemed a boy at Disneyland and Link… Link did his best not to be killed and this was all he could hope for since he was a normal human being.

With four exorcists at work the akumas were soon exterminated and the survivors started to congratulate each other, as always after a fight, because no matter how many battles you can get into, there is something that would never change: the relief seeing that your comrades are all right.

Sara did not join them. She stood at some distance, showing them her back, in silence. But when Allen touched her shoulder to compliment her, she quickly turned and slapped him in the face moving some step aside.

She was breathless for anger and tears were coming down from her eyes. Allen watched her speechless as she raged: " Why didn't you stop? " She was a fury, Link wouldn't have been surprised if she had tried do kill them too.

" I told you to stand back so, why did you fight?" There was so much pain in her voice that it seemed to fill her completely. It gave Allen the same impression of before, the idea that it was her sufferance that was giving her the strength to fight.

" This is mine battle, MINE ALONE! " She continued " This is nothing of your business, so, now, get lost! I don't want to see any of you ever again, VANISH FROM MY SIGHT!!! " The others stared at her trying to understand what was going on, but they couldn't.

" This is my battle," she repeated regaining a bit of calm, " this is the only way I have to atone my sin. " Even through the fury and the tears, there was a dignity in her that was impossible to ignore.

She seemed calmer now, but no one dared to speak: they didn't know what to say, for what could they say to this young woman, so proud and strong, but still so fragile at the same time? She didn't deserve their pity, pity is something you can feel for helpless, weak people and she was not like this, but they didn't know how to felt about her either.

Anyway, tough the winds had stopped, the rain was still falling so they simply helped her to rise on her feet (she didn't protest this time) and took her back at the inn where her worried mother was waiting for them. Sara didn't say a single word to anyone and went straight to her room, closing the door behind her, refusing any sort of communication.

The exorcists weren't of the same idea: " I'm sorry, Mrs," Link told to Sara's mother, " but I think you have something to tell us."

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Few moments later they were in the old woman's chamber, the only place where they could be sure that no one would have tried to overheard their speeches. The woman looked carefully before closing the door to see if someone had been chasing them, then she sat down on her chair and sighed:

" I always knew that this moment would have come, sooner or later. I imagine you want to know something more about my daughter. Since you have returned her to me, I can't refuse you anything. Go on. Ask." She seemed sad and resigned.

Tokusa was the first to talk: " How did she take possess of that whip of hers? "

If the old woman was surprised by such a question she didn't show it: " So, after all, there really is a connection between her and that terrible thing. I thought she wanted to bring it with her as a memory of her grandfather, but it seems that my hopes were vain." She sighed again.

" Please, Mrs, explain yourself." Allen asked her forcing himself to be polite.

" Well, " the woman hesitated, " it's a strange, long story."

" And we are strange, patient, people." Crowley replied with sternness. The woman looked at him for some second, then she began her story:

" That whip belongs to my family since I can remember, it was my family heirloom of which my father, Sara's grandfather, was very proud. It was told to belong to one of our ancestors, the man who, according to the legends, saved this village when it was still a very small place. We're talking about facts of almost two centuries and an half ago. Anyway, the legends say that once there were monsters attacking the city every two weeks, until one of my ancestors destroyed them with a magic whip, the same whip you are so interested in, to be exact. The legends say that he just had to hit those monsters with the whip to make them explode.

Obviously no one believes the legends anymore, but my father did and he had always preserved the whip as the most precious of the treasures. My husband died when Sara was still very little and I had to work all the day to maintain myself and her, so my daughter has grown up with my father who told her everything about the ancient legends and she obviously believed him as only a child can do. My father and Sara were deeply attached to each other and I suspect that he was for her more a father and a mother that I have ever been. Still, when Sara was twelve, my father got a fever and he was bound to a bed for many days. At that time Sara divided herself between him and the inn where she was helping me with the customers.

One day, while she was here, we met a strange woman. She was very beautiful, indeed, elegant, with long blond hair, but her gaze was just so cold that she scared me. I remember Sara to say that the stranger was giving her a creepy feeling as soon as she saw her. My daughter was right. The woman came here and pretended to be a weapon-lover who had heard of the legendary whip. She said that she would have liked very much to see it and I let her do as she pleased since I did not believe that there was something wrong in it. My daughter didn't agree with me, but she hadn't any valid reason to oppose, so the strange woman entered in the room where the whip was preserved and, as soon as she saw it, she smiled. I'll never forget her smile for it was cold, cruel, emotionless. It made a deep impression on me. She suddenly offered to buy the weapon. Sara blanched, I remember it as if it was yesterday, and then she yelled at me saying that I would have been a madwoman by only thinking to accept such an offer. Meanwhile the strange woman told me something like: " The price isn't a problem. I'm ready to pay as much as you want, you just have to tell me how much."

I have to confess: I was really tempted by the offer, because at that time we were really poor, the inn wasn't going as well as I had hoped and I was alone with a daughter and a father to take care of. I was going to accept when Sara told me something that made me change my mind: " Mother," she raged with real fury, " if you sell the whip, grandfather will surely die! He can survive the fever, but he won't ever be able to survive to this!" .

She was right, I knew it, so I refused, even if my heart was full of regret, not only for the money, but because I've always hated that whip and I would have been really happy to rid myself from its demon-like presence. There is something strange in that weapon, I've always knew.

Anyway, after my refuse, the woman did not show any changing in her expression, but said that I should have sold the whip to her when I was in time. Then she went away without even saying goodbye. She seemed to vanish as soon as she reached the door, but that time I didn't noticed it, I realized it only two days later when… Good God, I'm going too fast, forgive me." Sara's mother excused herself to the exorcists and then went on:

" After that woman left, my daughter began to say something that I didn't completely understand like: " I can sense it. That woman is not human and she wants the whip! It's as the legends say: the monsters will attack us again and now that day is coming! That's why she wants the whip: she knows that it can destroy the monsters! "

My daughter was just so sure of what she was saying, but how could have I believed to a twelve years old child who was telling me the legends of three centuries ago where true? I simply couldn't do that, but I was wrong, as always, and, as always, she was right instead.

Two days after the meeting with the blonde frightening woman, a tragedy happened and since then our lifes changed completely.

It was night, but I was still working at the inn, like always. Sara wasn't with me; she was taking care of her grandfather and had the whip with her: since the day that strange woman had appeared she had refused to let the weapon alone for even a second. As I said, it was night when some of the men of the town hurried into the inn shouting that a great fire was reducing the whole town to ashes and that everyone had to help if we didn't want to burn along with our houses. You can't imagine my surprise, my pain, my anguish when I went out and I saw that the fire had started from my own house! I ran towards it, in the middle of the fire, calling for my daughter and my father, but all I could find was Sara, sitting on the ground in front of what had been her home. She was calm as if there was no fire around her. Her clothes were burnt as her beautiful long hair, and tough she was crying, she wasn't sobbing at all, nor she seemed worry or in pain, she was just sitting there, with an astonished look on her features. In her right hand she was holding the whip, in the other…" the old woman stopped for a while as if she was not able to continue, then she finally found the strength to end the sentence: " In her left hand she had my father's clothes, but there was no trace of where he was, as if he had turned to sand, sand indeed, as the one I found on those clothes.

I'm sure my father died that day, but how it happened I don't know still and I never dared to ask Sara. Whatever happened that day it changed my daughter completely. Once she was a happy girl who was always joking, a normal girl as many others who loved to tell horror tales and to listen to the old legends, but after that day nothing of these caught her interest anymore. Since that day she is always alone wearing that horrible whip on her as if it was her own life. She never speaks to anyone and she seems to hate everyone, so people slowly began to hate her too and to say that she is an evil witch. They murmur that it was her the one who set the fire ten years ago… I'm scared, I'm just so scared…" the woman was shaking with fear and anguish. Allen could have almost felt sorry for her, if his mind hadn't been already occupied by the thought of Sara. Now he understood, poor girl, how much did she had borne in silence trough all those years…

Meanwhile, the mistress of the inn kept on telling her story: " Two years ago she started to vanish in the woods for long periods of time and when she returns she is always hurt as if she uses to fight against someone. She is still like this, and she never gives me any reason for her disappearances. I don't know what to do with her, I don't understand her anymore! Please help me! " the woman was crying now " Is as she said that time: I can sense it, whatever my daughter is, she is the same of you guys, I know this!"

" And you're right, " Allen said gently coming near her, " Don't worry, your daughter isn't a witch, she has been the saviour of this town throughout these years, instead. Even if no-one ever noticed, she has saved you all. You should be proud of your daughter: she is a strong woman, as her mother." Allen declared with a kind smile. At these words the old woman started to sob releasing all the worries and the fears she had held inside her heart for years.

The exorcists relaxed. Now everything was clear.

They left the old woman alone and went to meet her daughter, but they found her waiting for them just out of the door. She had obviously overheard everything.

Tokusa was the first to talk: " So Lulubell tried to take revenge on you because you had refused to sell her the Innocence."

" What's Innocence?" she asked emotionless

" It's the power inside your whip which allows you to destroy akumas." Crowley explained

" Ah." Was her only, emotionless, comment. Then she added " I didn't know that her name was Lulubell. She sent against me and my grandfather those monsters which you call akumas. I fought them with the whip."

" We know."

" I had never done anything like that before, still I knew what I had to do, it was as if my body was moving on its own free will. But I could not save my grandfather. He just turned into sand," she said and though her face was still emotionless, now her hands were shaking and there was a shade of pain in her voice. "

" We know." Link repeated

" But that's not all!" she added more animatedly widening her eyes " When the whip reached the akumas, they exploded and the house got burnt! It was really me the one who caused the fire that killed so many people that day!" she shouted, completely upset for pain and anguish.

" We know this too, " Allen said, " and we can understand you because everyone in this room has a story similar to yours. We all have something to atone for and that's why we fight akumas and Noahs like Lulubell! " Sara did not seem to believe his words, but he continued: " I have transformed my father into an akuma," Allen confessed, " Crowley found out that the woman he loved was an akuma and had to destroy her, Tokusa's family was killed by akumas and he is searching for revenge. As you can see, no-one here fight by chance. Even if you don't want to, you're an exorcist, you were somehow chosen so you have the possibility to atone. If you really want to redeem yourself, join the Dark Religious! Our only duty is to kill akumas in order to save humans."

" _As much as the akuma's souls…" _ Allen thought, but he did not say it.

" If you come to the Headquarters you'll be instructed on how to use your Innocence at the best." Link added with his serious, professional, voice. At this words Sara's emotionless eyes shined, but she said: " All this years… akumas never stop coming . How can I leave? "

" They came here because you were here too. If you go away they won't come anymore. Probably." Crowley replied.

" _Probably_ is not enough." She said stubbornly. Tokusa sighed: " We'll leave here some finders, if you want, so if they find some the scent of the akumas they'll call us back. It's ok? "

She stood in silence, staring back at him sternly for some minutes, but then she nodded: " Let's see how your Headquarters are, then I'll decide."

**---Author's notes--- the comments of the devil…**

**I've decided to give at this free space a different name every time… For this chapter it is " THE COMMENTS OF THE DEVIL" … Well, with the devil I mean myself… This title was suggested by a friend of mine who always says that I'm very cruel with my characters. " You're a devil! " she always says to me and so… the comments of the devil… Muhahaha… I'm terrible and proud to be terrible… It's too funny. Anyway, I don't make my characters suffer 'cause I want to! **

**I'm not that sadist, I love them all as if they were my children, especially those I created by myself, but if nothing happens to them there will be no story! I really suffer with them when something bad happens to them. I know it's strange to say so, but for me they are almost real: I know Cassandra and Amatus and Sara just so well that I ****can see them in front of me this very moment. Maybe I'm mad… but sometimes I have the impression that it's not me creating the characters, but them coming to me, waiting for someone to make them known in the world. **

**I imagine very easily Kanda, Link and Cross too... I like the unsocial, stubborn, threatening type. **

**Anyway, let's comment THIS chapter. It is quite strange, is it not?**** Sara has overwhelmed everyone else and claimed herself has the main character… Sorry, I didn't mean to do this, but… well, it ends like this… When I began this chapter I didn't plan to make her an exorcist, but the more I was writing, the more I started drawing of her, seeing her everywhere… Well, I seem mad to talk like this, but it's true! I liked how she came out; she had such a cute face in my drawings… I guess I can say she has style. I would like to post the images!!! My drawings of Kanda, Allen, Cassandra ( very few of her because her face is just so complicated…), Sara and Amatus, I'd like to show you them all… **

**Please, if you like this story even a little bit, or even if you don't like it and you're reading this just 'cause you're bore, please, LEAVE A REVIEW! **

**A GREAT HUG TO EVERYONE WHO READS THIS! **

**-Eris 92-**

**Rome, 16 October 2009**


	8. Chapter 8 Deal

**At least I can finally write this chapter! I've planned this since the first time Cassandra appeared in the story! Still I had to wait to introduce a bit of Allen's adventures, or Cassandra would have easily become the main character of this fiction!!! Unfortunately, even if Allen should have been the star of the sixth and seventh chapter, I got so interested on Tokusa and Sara that I almost forgot him… I humbly ask forgiveness to those who loves Allen! I wanted so much to upload this on my birthday, the 24****th**** of October, but for many reasons I couldn't… Well, anyway, now I can finally publish this… It describes what happened at the Headquarters when Allen and the others were dealing with Sara. **

**DO NOT FORGET TO REVIEW!!!**

**Soundtrack for this chapter was " the merry go round of life" of " Howl's moving castle". This song really suits Cassandra in this moment even if I usually associate her to the first movement of the " Appassionata" of Beethoven( op. 57). If you have never heard this music… then listen to it. You won't regret it.**

**P.S. This is the second time I upload this chapter because in the first version there were too many mistakes… ****Thanks to Knux33 for the corrections!**

EIGHT CHAPTER- **DEAL**

Morning, Dark Religious Headquarters

Allen and the others had just left for a mission which would have brought them to America and Lenalee, once she had told them goodbye, was trying to get Cassandra involved in making coffee for the science division.

" Cassandra, would you help me to bring this to them? " She asked pointing at the cups.

" Of course." The young woman immediately answered, but there was no sign of enthusiasm in her words.

The truth was that she found Lenalee very boring. The first day with her somehow passed because everything around her was new and exciting, but as soon as she began to know the place she had already started to get bored.

Lenalee's routine was always the same: she woke up early, something that Cassandra could not understand at all; she helped Jerry to prepare breakfast for everyone, then she went to the infirmary to see how the hurt people were going; she chattered with people; she prepared coffee for the science division and got hugged by her mad brother; she had dinner; she went to sleep and that was all.

She was an exorcist, how could she lead such a boring life??? She must have been something like a warrior, right? Then why didn't she do any training?

Cassandra had asked to her so many times to take her to the training room, but Lenalee seemed to not want to offer her any chance to ask for training. But that was exactly what Cassandra wanted!

She had heard about both Allen and Lenalee had regained their innocence by fighting and she wanted to try too, but Komui wouldn't ever let her and his sister always agreed with him… So boring…

Of course, during those days she had met other people, but they all were so annoying, just like Lenalee, they all gazed at her with that strange look in their eyes, a look which clearly showed admiration and… desire. She hated when people, most of all men, looked towards her in that way: it made her feel as if she was a thing, a bird that needed to be caged. She was scared and bored by those people at the same time.

The only person that until now had never gazed at her in rapture or in a possessive way was the swordsman who pretended to have known her in Rome. If she had understood Linalee's speech well, his name was Kanda.

Since the day she had met him in the infirmary, Cassandra never had the chance to talk with him again, but she had noticed something that gave her the impression that he was trustworthy.

He was always alone and it seemed that no one but some exorcist dared to speak to him, but though he didn't appear quite sociable, she couldn't help, but think of him with some liking. Maybe it was because he was so different from the others in every possible way, even more strange than her, maybe it was because when they had met he didn't look at her like the others did. Somehow, she always felt better when she thought that existed at least one person like him.

Komui and Bookman saw her as a strange, funny experiment, a riddle that had to be solved; Lenalee treated her like a doll making her wear some cute dress she had chosen for her; Allen and Crowley seemed to pity her( exactly what she hated the most…) and Lavi was always trying to flirt in such a way that she didn't know if she was scared or rather amused by him. Concerning Link, she found him pretty creepy with his emotionless face and Tokusa had a mean look in his eyes that she didn't like.

Still, she knew everyone too little to properly judge them and she rarely had the chance to talk with them since everyone was always very busy.

The only person who appeared to have plenty of time to dedicate her was Lenalee… that girl seemed to be so innocent and naive that she could have easily start to hate her. Really.

That's way she was always trying to escape from her to explore the Headquarters alone, like that afternoon. While Lenalee was chatting with her mad brother, she found the door and ran away as fast as she could, far away from the science division.

She already knew where she was going: she wanted to explore the out limits floor where Komui always did his experiments. She did not know what she was going to find there, but she was really curious. She had almost reached the object of her desires when something, or better someone, changed all her plans: a finder was coming towards her. At the beginning Cassandra tried to avoid him, but when he stopped in front of her asking in he could be of help she couldn't do anything, but to answer him that she was fine and needed nothing. The guy did not give up that easily and kept on asking until he rose his hand to brush Cassandra's cheek with a smile. She took some step behind scared.

" I've already told you. I don't need your help or whatsoever so I'll be obliged if you'd be so kind to leave me alone." She said out loud with a proud tone: the only thing she could do at the moment was to act brave. But as soon as she met the man's eyes she knew that he'd have not let her go.

So she turned and ran away shouting that she had a meeting with Supervisor Komui and she was late. Obviously he did not believe her.

She ran until she reached the second floor where all the personal rooms were located, soon she found an unlocked door and entered quickly closing the door behind her.

A moment later she was hoping that she had never done that.

________________________________________________________________________________

Locked, or so he believed, in his room, Kanda was sleeping, but still his slumber was restless.

Everywhere around him there were flowers, and flowers, and flowers again, of every possible colour or shape. He was going to suffocate because of their smell, that piercing smell that was overwhelming him.

" _Stop it…"_ he murmured to someone invisible, _" please stop it… I know you're here… I'm sorry… I didn't want this to happen…"_ he was begging someone that he knew was present, but he couldn't see him/her.

Was he aware that it was only a dream? He seemed quite anxious…

" _I'm begging you, stop it! I can't take this anymore! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, please STOP IT! HEIKO-CHAN! "_ He shouted and fell on his knees almost crying, his face hidden between his own bare hands.

Suddenly, the flowers surrounding him vanished and only one remained, the one which was hold by the figure that was sitting in front of him. It was a little girl, about six, with long, black hair, just like his. She was smiling gently, but tears were still falling from her eyes.

Kanda rose his eyes to meet hers with an astonish look on his face.

" _Heiko-chan…" _he murmured softly, stretching out his right arm to reach her, but the girl never answered, nor did she even move. She kept on smiling as before and crying while Kanda's arm went straight through her. Only then the swordsman realized that he couldn't touch her because she was only an illusion, _" just like the flowers…"_

He observed with a deadly sad expression the girl and didn't say anything anymore until the shadows of many people appeared behind the girl. The figures became always more clear and vivid and soon he was able to recognize everyone.

He looked down at the ground saying something like: _" Go away. I'm tired of you people always here…"_ but his voice betrayed his real emotions.

If someone could have seen him like that, he would have bet that the swordsman was going to cry.

" _I know that it's my fault. I know that no matter how much I can be sorry, this won't change things, but still… Would you ever forgive me? "_ he asked

" _Not that I really care…"_ he added half-smiling, a bitter smile.

Slowly the people began to vanish and only the little girl remained. She had big, dark eyes, full of kindness, that made her shine of a melancholy beauty. Once she was alone with Kanda, she stretched her little hands and offered to the swordsman the flower she was still holding, but as soon as he took it the flower disappeared along with Heiko-chan.

Kanda stood silent for a little while, and then he heard a noise and awakened.

________________________________________________________________________________

Cassandra was terrified: the room she had entered wasn't empty! Someone was sleeping on the bed, embraced by a gentle shadow so that the young woman could not recognise him. Still, she was overwhelmed by shame and fear at the idea that the man could wake up when she was there. Cursing herself as she stood, without moving: she did not dare to go out for fear of meeting again the horrible guy of before, nor she wanted to remain in the room alone with a stranger!

So, once she noticed that the sleeping man wasn't giving any sign of awakening, she turned and slowly opened the door trying to escape.

She had almost succeeded in her "task" when the lights were turned up and a deep voice at her back let her know that she had failed:

" What are you doing in my room? " Kanda's harsh voice asked

" Nothing, I'm sorry, I've only taken the wrong door. Please, forgive me! " She tried to be persuasive, but her voice was still trembling a little and Kanda didn't miss it: " You're a bad liar. What happened? " There was a sadistic grim on his face.

" I've already told you: it's nothing."

" What happened? " he asked again.

At this point, seeing no way out, Cassandra turned slowly towards him fearing to discover in his eyes the same kind of gaze the others had always offered her, but she was wrong: there were no signs of pity or desire in the swordsman deep, black, eyes. His gaze was quiet and inscrutable. He was a mystery and the truth appeared to be so deep that she actually feared that she could get lost in those eyes. She loved the way he was observing her because though he was indecipherable, he didn't seem emotionless, not at all.

She stared back at him for a moment, but when Kanda started to put on his face an annoyed expression she finally spoke and quickly told him everything had happened to her since she had left Lenalee.

" So you've entered here to escape from a finder who was bothering you, isn't it? " He asked seriously at the end. She nodded and Kanda rose on his feet sighing. He surpassed her and opened the door. The stalker was still outside, probably wondering what he could do, but as soon as he saw Kanda he turned pale under the exorcist's gaze an made some step behind.

" What are you doing here in front of my chamber? " Kanda asked in a cold, threatening voice.

" I-I… I was just passing by and I thought I had seen a friend of mine entering here."

" She did, but she said that she isn't a friend of yours. What do you have to say about this? "

" That probably I was wrong, Kanda-sama."

" You surely was wrong. Do not ever attempt to get near her anymore if you don't want to be killed, ok? "

" Of course! I'm deeply sorry exorcist-sama. Goodbye." The stalker almost shouted those words and then ran away.

Cassandra watched him go, then she turned to thank Kanda, but she didn't have the time to do this that he was already pointing at the door: " Now, outta my chamber! I have to rest. " he ordered and slammed the door on her very face. She looked at the close door for some second, astonished, then she murmured: " What a strange man…"

Usually she would have got angry for such harsh words, but despite this he had helped her when he could have just thrown her out of the room, he would have had all the rights to do so… but he didn't. So, at the end, she was more amused than angry towards him.

" He really is a strange man…" She repeated and then she began to wander searching for Lenalee even if she wasn't sure at all that she wanted to tell her what had just happened.

________________________________________________________________________________

_A day later…_

" Please Lenalee-chan! Take me to the training room; I only want to take a look… I've seen every place of the Headquarters but this… That's not fair! "

" Cassandra, I can't take you there. My brother ordered me not to let you go, please, don't give me any trouble."

The young woman sighed: " Cassandra, Cassandra… The only thing you can do is to scold me! And stop calling me like this, that's not my name." she cried out looking back at Lenalee with an annoyed look. The exorcist stood speechless as if she was hit by those words. Cassandra knew that she had hurt her feelings, but she couldn't help it.

Her adventure with the finder had taught her one thing at least: she could not accept being helpless, she could not bear being an easy target. She had to become strong and the only way she had to gain strength was bringing her powers back.

During those few days at the Headquarters she had learned that Allen too had lost his innocence once, though not voluntarily, and that he subjected himself to a strict training. She wanted to do the same. She had decided, but there was no way that Komui or Lenalee would approve this and she did not know to whom she could ask.

She needed a strict teacher, someone who would not have pity of her for her to be a woman, someone strong, someone able to train her in secret without telling anything to anyone.

She had wondered for a few days, and then the obviousness suddenly struck her: Kanda would have been perfect! He was strong, very strict and so asocial that there was no fear he could tell anything by mistake.

" I only have to find him alone and to persuade him! " she thought in deep excitement believing this the easier part. Now she only needed a plan and she soon imagined something that would have work. If she was very lucky.

The same night, almost at ten o'clock, she escaped by Lenalee's surveillance pretending to go in her room because she had an headache, but, instead, she went straight to the training floor, in the room where she knew Kanda used to meditate until late at night.

She entered the room as silently as she could and took a look inside.

" Luuucky!" She thought seeing Kanda standing in the middle of the room, eyes shut, completely motionless. She advanced quietly until she was in front of him.

He did not move and Cassandra started wondering if he was really meditating or if he was simply asleep. Whatever he was doing she didn't want to disturb him( it wouldn't have been good since she was going to ask him a favour) so she sat next to him trying to remain silent.

She would have wait for him to finish, whatever it was what he was doing, she promised to herself.

She waited one minute, two minutes, five minutes, ten minutes, then she started wondering again: what if he as going to be like this for all the night?

Too much curious to resist the temptation, she shook her left hand in front of his shut eyes; she was almost sure that he was asleep.

" What the hell are you doing? " Kanda asked surprising her, his eyes still shut. Cassandra blushed with shame, her face clearly telling: _" I've really done something bloody stupid this time…"_

" Then? Are you going to answer or not? " the swordsman asked again and the young woman noticed that he seemed slightly amused. Strange. She thought he would have gotten angry.

" I thought you have fallen asleep." She confessed regaining her confidence.

" Ah. Really? " he asked, his voice still amused. Now he was almost smiling and this was too much for Cassandra to bear.

" Yes." She answered clearly annoyed. Kanda returned serious:

" What are you doing here? Does Lenalee know that you're here? " He asked finally straight to the point.

" Lenalee doesn't know anything at all, she believes me in my room, so I'd like you to say nothing to her. Please. " Now it was her turn to smile. " Anyway I'm here for you. "

" I've guessed it. What do you want? " he asked even more stationary than before.

" You don't need to worry, so relax." She suggested " I want two things. First: I just want to say thank you for what you've done for me yesterday. Second: I've realized that I can't go on like this, I have to get my memories and my innocence back, so I'd like you to train me. "

This time Kanda could not pretend to be unmoved anymore: he opened his eyes and turned towards her with an astonished look.

" You want me to do what? " the young woman didn't show any reactions

" I've heard about Allen and Lenalee. They both lost their innocence, though in different ways, and they regained it by fighting. I want to try it too. " She explained. She seemed confident and her gaze was clearly saying that she was not going to give up. Kanda was still surprised: he had known that she was going to do something, but he would have never expected this!

" Why are you asking to me? "

" Many reasons." She answered with an arrogant voice " First of all because I think that you won't tell anything to Lenalee or Komui, whatever you are going to choose to help me or not; second because I think you would train me seriously, you won't go easy on me; third because I like the way you look at me." She admitted. Now Kanda appeared even more surprised: " What do you mean? "

" I mean that since I came here you're the only one who wasn't always around me, the only one who doesn't look at me in rapture expecting me to do I-don't- know-what. Everyone see me like a cute doll, a sleeping princess to conquer, but you're different. You treat me like everyone else and sometimes I see a glimpse of disliking in your eyes. That's why I'm asking you. " her face was shining with sincerity and innocence.

" Wait! Are you saying that you like me because I seem to dislike you? " He was so confused that he didn't know how to explain himself.

" Yes! " the young woman nodded vigorously with a great smile. Kanda stared at her for a minute in confusion, as if he was just wondering how stupid she was, then he regained his usual unsocial mask.

" Tze, " he said looking away from her, " You don't have any idea about how much trouble you've gotten yourself into. "

" Does this mean that you will train me?" she asked smiling always more

" Something like that, " he admitted, " but if you think that it will be easy, you 'd better change your mind right now. "

" Do not worry, Kanda-sama! I'm ready for everything. " she said with a determinated look on her face. Kanda looked back at her and thought that maybe she was right, _" maybe she will really succeed. Or maybe she is only an hopeless stupid. Everything is up to her. " _

" Then let's start now, Cassandra! " Kanda ordered raising on his feet.

Cassandra nodded, but replied: " Ok, but only if you promise me a thing: that you won't ever call me Cassandra again. " She was serious.

" Why? " the swordsman was surprised again. He cursed himself a moment later: why was he asking all this things to her? " _Who cares about why she doesn't want to be called like this? "_

Anyway the young woman answered immediately: " Because Cassandra was the name of the woman you met in Rome, she was the one who fought the Earl, she was strong and knew what she had to do. I'm a different person, nothing like her, so I can't bear to be called like this. She knew everything while I… the only thing I know is that I want to have my memories back." She seemed certain of what she was saying, strong, determinate, but definitively sad even if she didn't want to show it.

" _Yes, she is another person." _Kanda thought. The woman he had met in Rome was powerful and frightening, a crying goddess who didn't care to hide her pain for what could she had to fear? Instead the young woman in front of him was definitively human, a normal, exceptionally beautiful girl, with normal fears, not frightening, nor powerful, but with a strong will: the will to find her place in the world.

" That's right, apprentice. Now let's train. "

________________________________________________________________________________

**--Author's notes--- The jokes of the vain angel…**

**Then, w****hat do you think about this??? What will happen to Cassandra and Kanda? What if Komui or Link found out what they're going to do?**

**One question: did you like Cassandra?? I adore her, both in the goddess-like version and in the human-version, even if it's hard to underline the differences between the two personalities. In particular, the Cassandra I'm introducing now it's difficult to describe… She is innocent and naive, very naive, like a newborn child, but she has a very strong personality, she is stubborn and proud, egocentric and a bit selfish… but at the bottom of her heart she is very kind. Yes, it's really funny to write about her after all… especially when she interrupt Kanda's meditation XD I can see that scene in front of me in this very moment, imagining the shade of Kanda's amused voice… Oh, I'm going to have so much fun with those two! **

**Please tell me what do you think about Cassandra and Kanda!!! I want to hear your opinions more than anything else!!! **

**Thank you all for reading this nonsense…**

**Eris92**

**Rome, 24 October 2009.**


	9. Chapter 9 Sudden revelations

**I'm soooo happy!!! In this chapter I'll have the chance of talking of almost all the characters that I love the most!!! **

**To be honest, one of them won't appear, but the others will talk of him!!! Oh, I'm just so glad… I hope I can introduce him soon… Who is this mysterious character? Read the chapter and you'll find it out! XD**

**Still, evidently, I was in a bad mood when I wrote in this chapter… you see, when I'm in a bad mood I'm evil to those I dislike, and infact I'm simply naughty to Lenalee in this… Well, these things do happen XD **

**WARNING: I have written this chapter while I had the fever (you see, I don't stop at nothing) so you're kindly requested to leave a review, at least this time... ****Maybe you've noticed that I'm a bit obsessed with the reviews… It's that this is the first time I publish something and I'm so curious to know what the others may think of my work… **

**Soundtrack for this chapter: " Bois de merveilles" by Malice Mizer **

NINETH CHAPTER- **HARD TRAINING AND SUDDEN REVELATIONS**

Seven days had passed since Kanda had secretly started to train Cassandra, who he usually called _"apprentice_" or _"hey, you!". _

She had never complained, not even once, even if Kanda was pretty cruel with her. There was a lot of work to do…

The young woman was slow, she had not real strength and she easily got tired, but she had a strong will and she was intelligent, so, despite all her lacks, she was quick at learning. Still, there really was a lot of work to do before she could become an acceptable warrior.

Seeing her trying to attack him and fail, Kanda wondered why he accepted to train her.

Was it because her speech moved his heart? Of course not, he wasn't that kind of person.

Was it because she was so determinate and sad? Kanda thought about it. No, it wasn't. He surely admired her strong will, but this would have never been a valid reason to help her despite Komui's orders and his own security. Now that he was thinking about it… he had never disobeyed to the orders before. Then, why was he helping that girl?

In the bottom of his heart, he knew the truth: she was his obsession.

It was all because of that night when he first met her. The longing… that unbearable desire to know her, to understand her… that sad smile she showed to him… he just hadn't been able to forget that! He was obsessed with her, with the Ice-Goddess full of sadness and kindness that had saved him just to fall between his arms a moment later.

He wanted desperately to come near her, to understand the reasons of her sadness, he wanted to break the ice that was imprisoning her and to reach the truth beneath her heart.

He wasn't used to this kind of emotions at all, still that longing was stronger than anything else.

That night, when he had seen her for the first time… he feared he was losing his mind. She was just too strange, too unnatural, something that had nothing to share with the hopeless world he knew. To him, she was the holy guardian of some ancient truth. He wanted to understand her, to understand that hidden truth and to train that girl was the only way he knew to come closer to the Goddess-like Cassandra.

Besides that, the woman who fell between his arms had asked him to help her. Even if the young girl in front of him was nothing like her, even so… he couldn't help it, but thought of training her as a part of the promise he had made to the "Goddess".

Yes, that's why he was helping her, he thought. A moment later he was capturing the young woman and then he threw her against the nearer wall.

" You're too slow." He shouted at her. She fell on the pavement and seemed unable to rise again, but not a sound escaped from her lips.

" You sure are pitiless…" she murmured after a while.

" I thought this is what you wanted from me." He replied challenging her.

" Indeed. " Cassandra smiled though she was completely sore. Every part of her body just ached like Hell, but she wasn't going to stop. She had to become stronger and to get her memories back, and if, for the sake of it, she would have to suffer or even to see her own body turned to ashes, she didn't care, she would have endured it without complaints.

She rose on her feet and attacked Kanda again. The swordsman was waiting for her.

* * *

" Eih, Cassandra, what's wrong with you? " Lenalee's voice echoed in the corridor and caused the head of her companion to hurt.

" Please, can you not shout at me? " Cassandra pleaded

" I'm not shouting, " Lenalee said in disbelief, " are you ill? " she added worried.

" Of course not! " the other woman exclaimed " It's only an headache." She added then in a sweeter voice.

Ten days had passed since her awakening and during this time she had learned one thing at least: that she had not to get angry at Lenalee. Of course the girl was annoying in a way that was almost unbearable thanks to her being just so innocent, naïve and… stupid, but Cassandra knew that she didn't have to get angry at her, and not only because otherwise Komui would have killed her.

If she had shouted at Lenalee, the girl would have surely become depressed and then everyone would have known that it was her fault and would have come to hate her. It had already happened once and she didn't want to repeat the experience. She couldn't get why everyone thought Lenalee so dear, but so it was. Maybe she was the mascot of the Order…?

Anyway, as I've just said, Cassandra knew she didn't have to get angry at Lenalee, but there were mornings, like this one, when this task became very difficult to accomplish.

That night, obviously, she had trained with Kanda for more hours than usual and all her body was full of bruises everywhere, not counting that she had slept less than five hours ( Author: almost the same hours I can sleep… but that's not fair! She is trained by Kanda, while I have to study!!!)_. _She was completely exhausted.

" _In the end, summarizing, I have to sleep, because I'm too tired even to prepare a coffee, my body is all sore and to hide all the bruises I have to wear long trousers and blouses when it's August! Oh, God, it' just to__o warm… I'm melting like ice under the suuuuun!!!" _ she thought, desperate, but said nothing.

" _That's the path I've chosen on my own free will! " _She said to herself and followed Lenalee in her usual routine, encouraged by the fact that, at least, she was doing always better at the training. Even Kanda had to admit it once and this was enough to cheer her up.

Cassandra and Lenalee were in the infirmary when someone entered almost singing Lenalee's name with a voice full of love and care. As you can easily imagine, it was Komui with a great smile printed on his face. With time Cassandra had started to believe him rather funny thought all his lacks, or maybe because of them, but she was still annoyed by his obsession for his sister. It was something morbid.

Anyway, this time Komui had something far more interesting to say than: _" Oh Lenalee, how beautiful you are! ". _He had important news:

" Allen and the others are returning and with them will come a new exorcist, a young woman named Sara. She will be General Cloud's disciple and will soon left with her. After her welcome party, obviously! She will arrive this evening and she will left tomorrow, we hare to hurry! Lenalee, take care of the preparations!" he ordered.

His sister obeyed him with all the enthusiasm she was capable of and soon involved everyone in the preparation of the party, to Cassandra's displeasure.

The young woman actually thought of pretending to be ill, but a glimpse from Lenalee made her clearly understand that, unless she would have died before the evening, she would have to attend at the party. You can imagine, with a brother like Komui, Lenalee had learned very well how to distinguish a true illness from a false one (because Komui always pretends to be ill to avoid work, but Reever catches him every time…).

Even if she still didn't know this Sara, Cassandra thought she could have easily hate her…

* * *

Only one person succeeded to escape from the welcome party that night and it was Kanda who would have left the Headquarters the following morning for a mission.

Before the party started Cassandra managed to wish him something as: "Take care!", but he didn't even replied. The swordsman simply put a strange grim on his face and murmured: " Tze".

So, as I said, except Kanda, everyone at the Headquarters was obliged by Lenalee's enthusiasm to join the party, but things went in a rather odd way…

Usually newcomers were surprised and glad when they found out what their new companions had prepared for them, but Sara didn't seem to feel the same way: she was surprised, yes, but also scared by all the people gathered in the room shouting her name and when Lenalee came forth to embrace her friendly, Sara almost threw the poor girl against a window( Almost… It would have been funny to see Komui's face though…XD).

The newcomer obviously was on her guard and there was need of Allen's help to explain her that she had nothing to fear and calm her down. At any rate, this little accident made a slightly changing on Cassandra's opinion about Sara: now she can almost look at her with some liking.

Then, finally, General Cloud Nine joined the party and she was briefly introduced to her new disciple by an embarrassed Reever. The two women looked at each other carefully for a while, which made everyone worried, but when they started talking it became obvious that they would get along well.

That wasn't exactly a surprise since General Clod Nine had the unbelievable ability to be friend with every kind of person: she was even able to bear General Cross and Sokaro's attitude…( Author: She must be a saint… No doubt…). She was a quiet woman, powerful and wise, determinate and full of compassion both for her allies and her enemies; maybe she was the only one of all the Dark Religious' members who really understood Allen's decision of fighting to save humans as much as the akumas.

There were many mysteries surrounding the female General: one day, many years before, she had reached the Headquarters all alone with her little monkey as her Innocence. She said that she was an exorcist and added no other explanation about her coming or her past, but since then she had fought with the Black Order.

No one knew more than this about her, she had never given any confidence to anyone, but after so many years spent fighting side by side, everyone just trusted her.

So no one suspected that something strange was going to happen when she met Allen in the room and asked him to follow her where nobody may hear them. Allen obeyed her without questions in the big, and deserted, cafeteria, then he asked: " General, what's going on? What is this for? "

" I'm sorry Walker-kun, but I have to tell you something and I can't allow anyone else to hear this. I've a message from your master." She declared. Allen was clearly astonished:

" My master?"

" Yes," she confirmed, " Marian Cross is alive, though he was seriously hurt, and he asked me to tell you that you have to stay on guard."

" My master asked you to tell me that he is alive?"

" Not exactly… To be honest he suggested me to tell you that he was dead and then to report him if you had cried, but I didn't thought this to be opportune."

" Well, to this I can believe," Allen sighed, " This is the typical way of acting of my master."

Cloud smiled, then she turned and tried to return to the party before someone could notice their absence, but the boy stopped her:

" Please, don't go! I've a lot of questions! Who tried to kill my master? And why didn't he send any message to inform us that he was alive? ( Author. Maybe it's just because he is Marian Cross… Since when does he care for others?)" . At this words Cloud frowned:

" You're more naïve than I expected you to be. He couldn't inform you because it was the Central who tried to kill him."

" The Central?"

" Yes. As you can easily imagine, the Dark Religious is not in charge of the Pope himself, but of a narrow group of men very loyal to him. They are called Central, as if they were a single identity. Maybe you've seen them when Hevlaska tested you for the first time." She explained

" You mean those men all cloaked in black? "

" Yes" . Silence.

Allen hesitated: " Why should they want to kill my master? He is an exorcist after all, though a very strange one…" Allen exclaimed blushing at the memory of his master's usual behaviour.

" You're too intelligent to ignore this part. Probably you know even more than me of the _other side_ of this war."

Allen stood, glaring back at the female general with a strange look in his eyes, but said nothing. It was like he had imagined: his master had happened to know too many things.

" There are secrets that the Central is trying to hide from years, secrets that can't be revealed, no matter what's the cost."

"What secrets?" Allen asked anxious

" I don't know," Cloud admitted, " but maybe your master does, even if he doesn't want to tell them to me. Search for him and ask him yourself if you want to know."

Allen sighed both in relief and anguish. He was truly happy that Cross was alive, but he had just discovered it and he was already sinking in troubles and mysteries, though he shouldn't have been surprised because this was just how his master was. He guessed that it was unavoidable.

" Why are you helping him? " Allen asked to the female general, fearing that even she could have fallen in love with Cross Marian.

" Because I owe him a lot." She said simply, smiling and gently refusing to explain more, " and, besides that, I don't like the Central's way." She admitted. Allen remained in silence thinking over what she had just said when Cloud spoke again: " Let's change subject! Tell me: what kind of person is my new apprentice? " she asked while they were finally walking back to the party. Allen smiled.

* * *

Allen was lying on his bed, trying to catch some sleep, but it was useless: no matter how much he wanted to rest, his mind was too excited to loose consciousness.

His master was alive!

Not that he could have ever really believed that a demon like Cross could have been killed, but when he had heard that his master was no more the host for Judgement… Well, that time Allen felt his certainties to fall. It had been a hard hit to endure.

But now he knew that his master was alive and he was so happy that he could hardly hold himself by telling it to everyone!

The truth was that he had always believed to find Cross a jerk and he had been almost certain to hate him for all he had to bear because of him . That's why Allen was really surprised to discover he had been upset by the new of his master death.

After all, even if Cross really was a jerk, it had been him the one who gave to Allen a reason to live when the boy had believed that all was lost; it had been him the one who had taught him how to use his Innocence transforming a little, useless, boy into a great exorcist. Allen owned a lot to his master, and that's why he had almost forgiven him for having used the boy as a slave in the better times, and as I decoy when things got worse and he had to run away from his creditors.

" _How to say…__ nobody is perfect_." The teen thought smiling.

If Cross had heard him he would have surely said something like: " Stupid apprentice! After so many years with me, you haven't realized yet that perfection does exist? You have it under your eyes, you idiot!"

Allen frowned: yes, he would have surely said something like that and probably he would have even knocked Allen down…

The boy sighed with relief: he was happy that his master was alive, but he also appreciated the fact that he wasn't there to hit him. ( Author: Cross is terrible… I love him for this…XD)

**Author's notes: The heart of a saint and the tongue of a demon, that's all I need**

**Hi, everyone, I hope you've appreciated this chapter… I know, it's not exciting at all, but I finally had the opportunity to say that Cross is alive!! **

**- ****He can't be dead, he MUST NOT be dead! He is my favourite character along with Kanda and Allen, he must not die! And I don't believe that Hoshino-sensei would have made him die too… To me it's pretty obvious how Cross was saved from certain death… but you'll still have to wait a little bit to find it out! Wait for the XI chapter! XD **

**- ****I still don't know what will be Cross' rule in the story, but I already have something in mind… something that will surprise you, I hope…**

**- I was happy to introduce General Cloud… I like her and I'd like to show her often... the problem is that there are too many characters I want to show and the result is that the plot is blocked at this point… Anyway the next chapter will be almost all about Cloud and Sara. **

**- What I'm sorry about is that I had only a little space to reserve to Cassandra and Kanda… If I hadn't so many other characters to write about I would write about these two only… They are so interesting that the most part of my ideas concern them: I've already planned everything about them: Cassandra's true nature, Kanda's past and the secret of his immortality and so on…**

**I've already introduced a bit about Kanda ( do you remember his nightmare with Heiko-chan?), but I fear that far too many things still have to happen before I can explain everything clearly… For Cassandra is easier… You won't have to wait so much…if you'll have the patience to bear me for some other month… ^^ **

**- I have the intention of publish three chapters any month… but I don't know if I'll succeed…. **

**Still the reviews always make me want to write, so if you want me to update soon ****leave a comment! just say everything that cross your mind!**

_**One last thing: I noticed that new chapters of -man were published on One Manga!!! Oh, I'm **__**so curious, but I won't read them, not still. I won't go beyond chapter 186 until I'll end this fic. Otherwise I would lose the enthusiasm of writing this! It's painful, but this is it… **_

**Goodnight to you all!**

**Eris92**

**Rome, 06.11.09**


	10. Chapter 10The man on the edge of madnes

**Here comes the X chapter!!! This is my first fic. and I have to admit that I didn't thought it would have gone this far... but it has! Soooo happy… **

**First of all I want to thank Knux33 for the kind support!**

**Second, I want to apologize for having made you all wait this long, but school is really a pa… well, I can't think of an educate way to put it, so I'll said nothing, I'll let this sentence to your imagination… XD**

**And now some info about this chapter… **** First of all the music I've used to describe Cloud's character. **

**At first I wasn't sure about what kind of woman she would be, we know so few about her, but then I happened to listen to one song of Within Temptation and hearing this I decided that she would have been like that song: **_**" The truth beneath the rose". **_**For the part about the Noahs I've used, instead, "**_**Requiem for a dream" b**_**y Clint Mansell and "**_**Born to Darkness" **_**from the soundtrack of **_**Interview with the vampire.**_

**Pl****ease, if you can, listen to these three while reading! I think it's really important… everything changes meaning with the right music…**

**Now stop with the nonsense and let's go on with the fic! ^^ **

_**CHAPTER X**_**- THE MAN ON THE EDGE OF MADNESS**

The morning after the party Kanda left the Headquarters as soon as the sun rose so that no one could have the time to wish him "good luck". He hated this kind of moments, he didn't know how to react in this circumstances without breaking is I-m-a-terrible-guy mask.

Some hour later, two other exorcists left: they were General Cloud Nine and her disciple Sara.

Cloud knew that Sara was able to use her Innocence already, but from what Allen had said the night before she could also guess that the young woman had still not reach her limits.

That was why Cloud wanted to take her in an area which she knew was full of akumas. Her intentions were to test her new disciple in order to understand how many power she could be expected to gain under the propter training.

Unfortunately, things became far more intricate than how she had planned…

After four days of trip, which had led the two women in Greece, Cloud took Sara to Crete. Few years before the citizens had started an insurrection that had been put down in blood with many, many victims and now the whole area was full of akumas.

Cloud had thought this as the perfect occasion for Sara to show what she was capable of, and so it seemed at first until something unexpected happened.

It was night and the full moon was shining above the two while they're walking for the streets of the asleep city. The akuma's epidemic was destroying everything so it was strange to see people out of their hiding places at such a late hour. The surrounding was terrible: the ancient buildings that once had been the pride of the citizens were now rotting away, but nobody seemed to care about it anymore; the whole city, once famous for its vivacity and for the kind hospitality of its inhabitants, was now reduced to slums were the survivors were crawling, desperately trying to keep on living. Though she couldn't see them, Sara could clearly perceive the presence of hidden akumas.

Cloud decided that they would have fought at night so that there would have been less chances to involve innocent people in the battle. That's why the two women had hidden themselves in the church during the day, expecting for the sun to set. They dared to come out only when the darkness of the night gently covered everything.

Wandering for the desert streets was giving a creepy feeling to the two women: they could almost see akumas appearing everywhere behind an ancient column or laughing at the exorcists from the shadows. Sara believed she was going mad.

Although she had always been fighting, there was something she had never gotten used to: the fear, the feeling of adrenalin rushing inside her body until the edge of madness. That feeling, even if a bit unpleasant, made her forgot everything, but the battle, it made her felt alive: in those moments she could almost believe that living had a sense, that fighting could be the right thing to do.

She had never asked for nothing, but oblivion and redemption and the Black Order offered her both, so why should she had to run away from the battlefield? Still, in that very moment she was almost ready to leave everything behind her and run away from that horror.

The tension was palpable.

Then, exactly when she was going to give up, she noticed a slight movement at the end of the alley. Without thinking, she followed the moving shadow, Cloud coming right beside her. She lose sight of the "thing", then it appeared again turning left and the two followed it, running this time, until the exorcists found themselves in front of a dead end.

" It's a trap." Cloud whispered with a calm voice. Then, the shadow the two had been following moved towards them, it's silhouette becoming clearer at any pace, and finally it stood in front of them. Well, maybe I should say that _she_ stood in front of them. Sara's eyes widened.

Long, straight black hair flowing on an emotionless, beautiful face that seemed the one of a marble statue: Lulubell.

Cloud looked at her enemy, and for the first time there was a glimpse of doubt in her eyes. Allen had told her that it had been Lulubell who had destroyed Sara's family and future, twisting her life, and her apprentice seemed to have recognised her sworn enemy, though she had appeared in her Noah's shape.

" Sara," the female general said in a worried voice, " Sara, please, calm down. Don't lose your temper if you want a chance to win." She declared, but the young woman wasn't listening to her anymore: she threw her whip against the ground near Lulubell's feet with a threatening, sudden, gesture, and then she ran towards her enemy mindlessly. She didn't even hear Cloud shouting at her to stop, she was completely unaware of the surrounding, her mind focused on Lulubell, on how to kill the Noah in the most painful of the ways.

If Sara did think about Lulubell being a human as her, and not an akuma, I don't know. Maybe the young woman was simply unable to think anymore, overwhelmed with rage and pain as she was, or maybe she knew even too well what she was doing and she didn't care about that. Whichever nature Lulubell had, she probably couldn't care less: for her she was only the heartless demon of lies who had destroyed her family and her happiness, the one who had fallen upon her life, stealing away from her heart every light and throwing her on the dark path she now had to deal with.

Sara knew that she'd had never forgiven the Noah, no matter what, but what she did not know were his enemy abilities. As Lulubell had already done many times in the past, she transformed her own hands in whips and directed them against Sara.

The female exorcist avoided easily the first attack, but was slightly hit by the second on her left arm. She fell on the ground to catch her breath and then, before Lulubell could hit her again, she jumped in the air and threw her weapon upon the Noah, who received an injury on her right side. The woman barely held back a scream of pain and withdrew quickly.

Now Sara was smiling openly with satisfaction, an evil smile though which transformed her cute face in a monstrous mask of sadistic pleasure. Her left arm was bleeding a lot, but she didn't seem to care: she was far too excited to even notice that she was hurt.

Sara looked at her enemy: the Noah's face was emotionless as always, but there was a glimpse of rage in her eyes and that was enough to encourage the exorcist to attack again. She tried to hit her again, but Lulubell didn't want to be a target for the second time, so she quickly turned on one side, avoiding the attack, and hit her opponent with the left hand.

Sara was thrown against the wall of what once should have appeared as a house. She was deeply injuried at the stomach. In such a situation, General Cloud Nine decided that it was time for her to join the battle.

" Lau Jimin," she called out, " activate!"

The little monkey on her shoulder suddenly transformed itself in a giant beast at her words and stood between its mistress and the enemy in a threatening pose.

" You, Noah," Cloud declared with dignity, " You've dared to rose your hands on my apprentice. She's under my protection, so, now I can't let you go without punishment, you understand this, don't you? "

The general had just ended her speech that Lau Jimin was already attacking Lulubell: the beast tried to jump on the Noah in order to crush her, but Lulubell quickly transformed herself in a cat and ran away avoiding the monkey. Then she transformed again and shoot Lau Jimin with the gun that her right arm had just become; the beast moaned in pain and directed a first against the woman. It missed her, but it caused the near building to fall and some of the rubbles reached Lulubell.

When the Noah finally managed to free herself from the ruins she was covered in her own blood.

" Now, Lau Jimin, attack again! " Cloud's voice echoed among the streets and her Innocence obeyed her: it ran against the enemy, but this time Lulubell was ready. She transformed herself in a giant red dragon and spat out flames the immediately surrounded the poor Lau Jimin.

The Noah was going to give it the "coup de grace" when she was interrupted by a strange, baroque door that had appeared out of nowhere, a few metres from her. The door opened all of a sudden and Road showed her head:

" Lulubell," she called, " I need your help, he is losing his mind!"

Lulubell hesitated.

" Hurry!" Road cried out in alarm. Her sister quickly returned to her original form and followed her throughout the door, vanishing.

Meanwhile, General Cloud had extinguished the flames that were killing her Innocence and she was now walking towards her apprentice, still unconscious. With no ceremonies, Cloud threw a pail of freezing water on Sara. The young woman regained consciousness gasping.

" Are you okay?" Cloud asked with concern.

" Yes, where is Lulubell? " Sara tried to rise on her feet while her eyes where already searching for the enemy, but as soon as she ended to speak, her mistress slapped her on the face. Sara fell back on the ground in disbelief, too shocked even to complain.

" What did you think you were doing? What are you still trying to do?" Cloud asked harshly, her voice filled with suppressed rage and disgust, but Sara was as angry as her:

" I was fighting, that's what we exorcist exist for! "

" Wrong! " Cloud shouted surprising her apprentice " Exorcist exist in order to protect innocent people from akumas and the other allies of the Millennium Earl! "

Sara's eyes widened. How could she had forgotten this? To protect innocent people, as her grandfather had been, that's why she had accepted to become an exorcist. How could she possibly have forgotten this for even a second? The woman lowered her head in guilt.

" What did you think you were doing?" Cloud repeated with fury, " You engaged a fight with a powerful enemy in the middle of the city! Do you have any idea of how many people could have died for your stupid desire of revenge? " Sara blushed with shame.

" Sara, listen to me: you must never, never, lose consciousness of what and _who_ is near you during a fight." The apprentice nodded, not daring to raise her gaze for the shame. Cloud's voice softened:

" Do you know why are you able to synchronize with the Innocence? "

Sara shook her head in silence.

" It's because of your heart, your feelings are what makes the Innocence wishful to help you. You must never forget your feelings because it's thanks to them that you have the strength to fight, but you must also control them. Otherwise there will be only ruins around you. Look at what you've done! "

Sara rose her eyes and saw the ruins around her. It had really been her the cause of such destruction? During the fight she had completely forgotten her surrounding and those were the consequences? She was terrified.

" I've seen how you fight." Cloud declared and there was no accuse in her words: " You attack in an impudent way, careless of yourself and of what's around you. You fight by rage and disdain. I was like you once: I fought because I believed that the akumas were sinful beings which deserved to be destroyed, and I thought the same about the Earl and the Noahs. I was stupid." The last statement of her mistress left Sara speechless.

" Year after year I've learnt that akumas are only pitiful creatures that we have to destroy because this is the only way we have to save them from their cursed destiny, not because they're sinful or whatever else, and through years of experience on the battlefield I've understood that Noahs deserve to be pitied too." The voice of the female general was that of a mother talking to her daughter, teaching her an important lesson of life. " I've lost my faith in holy wars, Sara, but I still fight the Earl, not for revenge, nor for God, but to break this endless chain of pain and desperation. I don't know if I'm right, Sara, I don't even know if Heaven's door will ever be open for me since I ceased to adore God long ago, I can't respect him anymore, but I believe deeply in my own idea of justice and I won't ever regret what I'm doing in order to reach this idea. I don't care what God will think of me, nor what he will do of me, I only want to do my best to put an end to this sufferance." Cloud paused for a long moment, her gaze lost in the horizon, then she added: " Are you with me, Sara? "

Her words pierced her apprentice's heart infusing in her a new respect towards the female general. It was with a soul full of hope and the certainty that she had found someone worthy to follow that Sara exclaimed: " I'm with you, my mistress."

* * *

Meanwhile Lulubell was following Road throughout the corridors of the vault of the Noahs' manor.

" _Lulubell, I need your help! He's losing his mind! "_

As soon as the blond Noah had heard those words she had known of who Road was walking about.

" Where is him? " Lulubell asked, calm as ever.

" For now he is locked up in one of the dungeons, but it won't last long. I have to seal him with my power, this is the only way to calm him down, but I can't do this alone: I need your help! You have to distract him while I concentrate, otherwise he would hit me before I can even try to seal him."

Lulubell nodded in understanding.

Finally the two sisters reached their destination: it was a dark, small, dungeon with golden bars on which were engraved Latin words and other sentences written in many languages even more ancient. Inside the dungeon there was Tiki Mykk. He wasn't himself anymore, the Noah's madness had overwhelmed him and now he was berserk.

He hit the bars several times, trying to escape from his prison, and then, seeing that it was useless, he started to knock his head against the walls. They trembled, but they didn't collapse.

Lulubell observed him carefully and though her face remained emotionless, she felt her trust in the Earl's judgement fell into pieces: whatever it was, what Tiki was facing was nothing that would be cured by time alone.

Tiki Mykk was unrecognizable: his face was almost invisible under his long, curly hair and his handsome gaze, that once had caused every woman to fall for him, was now frightening, hollow, his eyes were shining unnaturally in the darkness like those of a demon.

He was exactly as he appeared to General Cross in the ark, after that Allen stabbed him with his Crown Clown.

" What has happened that day? " Lulubell wondered in amazement. The Crown Clown had the power to exorcise evil things so, when the young exorcist had stabbed Tiki, he should have killed the Noah inside him and free the human soul within him. If that was so, then why was the Noah stronger than ever? Why had it overwhelmed the human part of Tiki Mykk?

Not only Lulubell, but everyone in the family was actually wondering about it without finding any acceptable answer. The most worried of all was Road. As the oldest between the Noahs, she knew that, sooner or later, everything was fated to perish, but her family. Her family was the only exception: it would have lasted forever, she had been sure of it until that day, when Tiki was stabbed in the Ark. That day all her beliefs had fallen as she realized that immortality was just an illusion. Maybe their memories were really fated to live forever, but their hearts could die as easily as their bodies did, so many times…

" Let's do it, Lulubell." Road spoke in a worried voice, unusual for her, " The spell on the bars won't last long." Lulubell nodded in silence and transformed herself in water, so that she could slip between the bars, while Road was using her ability to manipulate dimensions to enter.

As soon as the two women were in, Tiki attacked them. Lulubell shielded Road with her own body and was thrown against the wall behind her, but she didn't give up and ran towards Tiki.

"Quickly Road! I can't hold him back for long! "

" Give me a few seconds!" Road cried out, forcing herself to concentrate on locking Tiki Mykk inside one of her imaginary cages.

" Road!" Lulubell yelled as Tiki 's hands began to hold her throat tightly.

" I've done it!" the girl exclaimed with triumph as the mad Noah slowly let go of Lulubell and fell on his knees. The blond one sighed with relief trying to catch her breath. A strange silence fell on the two.

" Now we can only wait for our Tiki to regain consciousness. " Road stated after a little while. The two Noahs stared a each other for a moment, then the older added: " What kind of monsters are locked inside us? "

Lulubell lowered her gaze to the ground, but said nothing.

* * *

**Author's notes: ****Sadness is the joy of the poet, or is it not? **

**As always, the title means nothing if not in my own head, so don't bother it… Let's talk about more entertaining arguments. **

**There is something I want to explain. As you'd have surely notice, in this fiction I'm using very much the dialogue form. It's something I didn't realize at first, something that upset me because usually I don't use dialogues at all when I can, but this time it seems that I changed style… Well, it's not that I changed style, it's more that… DMG is a manga, it's all made of dialogues! So I thought opportune to maintain this form when it's possible. The strange thing is that I realized it only now…^^'**

**In this chapter we've seen Sara and Cloud together as "master and disciple", so, then, what do you think of them? I thought that Cloud was just perfect for Sara. She'd have hated Tiedoll and I can't imagine her with Sokaro either (Sara and Sokaro? He would have made her a psychopathic!!!). Do you agree? **

**A question for you readers, let's do a poll: if Cassandra regained her power, **_**who would be the perfect master for her**_**? Cross? Cloud? Sokaro? Tiedoll? **

**I already have an idea,**** but I'm curious to know what you think… Give me a reason for your choice if you want, please!**

**4- The insurrection of Crete I talked about in this chapter is part of the Greek war of Independence (1821- 1829) I put this here, but this has nothing to do with the story, don't worry. I only needed a place that could be the right background for a great number of akumas in that period and I found out this… If something of what I wrote about it isn't right, I'm deeply sorry and, please, tell me! **

**5- In this chapter I've also introduced a bit about the Noahs feelings towards Tiki's situation. They're frightened, of course, and they don't know what's happening and why. Does the Earl know something instead? Something he doesn't want to reveal? You'll know more about this in the XIII chapter! XP**

**6- I want to thank you all for reading this fic. With the last chapter I had 194 visitors in two days. It's a record for me and it really made me happy! I'm only sorry that there isn't much people who reviews…**

**Hoping that you liked this new chapter… I wish you good night ( here are the 23.06)**

**Eris92**

**Rome, 21. 11. 09. **


	11. Chapter 11 Nightmares of madness

**THANK YOU ALL FOR READING THIS FIC!!! WITH THE LAST CHAPTER I HAD 114 VISITORS IN TWO HOURS!!! THANK YOU SOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!**** I EVEN GOT TWO NEW READERS WHO ADDED MY STORY TO THEIR FAVOURITES!!**

**Oh, that's the second chapter which has the word " MADNESS" in the title... It's not by chance: from this moment on insanity will fill the Headquarters always more driving mad our beloved exorcists… My evil side is singing in joy… XD **

**In this chapter we'll finally see Cross… He is my favourite one along with Kanda and Allen. To tell the truth, this fic started as the story of Cross, his past, his bound with the fourteenth and so on. So, what you're reading now is one of the first things that I wrote this summer. Hope you enjoy it! **

**Soundtrack for this chapter: "Almost Lover" by A Fine Frenzy for the part with Cross, and " Kaname Kuran theme" from the "Vampire Knight" anime**** for the rest. **

**XI CHAPTER-** NIGHTMARES OF MADNESS

Afternoon, place unknown, day unknown

Marian Cross, once general of the Black Order, was now a normal person like many others since his Innocence, _Judgement_, had abandoned him. He, that once had been the dream of every woman, was now avoided by everyone as "the madman". He, that once had been so handsome, was now a living corpse agitated by a merciless fever that was destroying him.

He had survived to the unexpected attack that the men of Central had directed against him, an attack that would have been fatal if someone hadn't saved the dying general. Still, the injuries he got that time caused a fever that was eating him alive.

" _If she won't find a cure soon…"_ Cross thought in one of his rare moments of clearness of mind.

" Don't leave me alone, please, don't abandon me again…" he whispered to someone invisible. Nobody answered to his plea: he was alone in the ancient, abandoned building. The place was no much more than an amount of slums, but showed clearly the signs of a magnificent past.

" Like me." The ex-general murmured to himself chuckling weakly in irony. He felt a sort of familiarity with the palace, as if he had already been there before, maybe when he was very young, but he still had no idea of where he was. So strange.

" _You are no longer the host for this Innocence, traitor." _

These words were echoing continuously in his head, They were the words that the killers from Central told him before shooting him. Did Judgement really abandon him? They had fought together for so many years…

" _How can this be really happening?"_He thought. When the compatible person betrays the Innocence he becomes a fallen, but what happens when it's the Innocence the one which betrays his compatible? Cross had never heard of such a thing before, but it happened. It happened to him. Judgement didn't obey him; it refused to shoot when he pressed the trigger. Why? The ex-general didn't know, but as soon as he realized that something was wrong, the killers had shot him. Four times.

The woman that was taking care of him had already extracted the bullets, but he could still feel them piercing his flesh, going across him, killing him… The memory sent a chill down to his spine.

When he fell, the killers escaped letting him on the floor, still alive, but doomed to die soon for blood loss. But then, when everything seemed lost, she appeared, his angel, his long-life saviour and his eternal curse.

She was the only one who really had every right to kill him, she should have let him die, but she had never been the kind of person that does what the others expect her to do. She loved to astonish, to say memorable things and act as the heroine of an epic poem.

Maybe, it had been this the reason why she had saved him by hiding his body from those who were searching for him and then nursing him, and taking him away from the Headquarters in a place where nobody would have ever found him, but she. Whichever was the reason, Cross was glad she saved him, she and nobody else. She was the only one allowed to see him in such a pitiful condition.

The thoughts in Cross' head were not clear at all, the blood loss was making him have hallucinations and his mind was just wandering from a thought to another, aimlessly and painfully. Still, he could not stop thinking. He had to keep his brain at work, or he would have lost consciousness again and he didn't absolutely want this.

He thought again about his killers. He knew why Central had sent assassins to kill him: it had been the fear. Once they had the certainty that he knew far too much, the fear had overwhelmed them, he could easily imagine it, and at this rate it had been a joke for his enemies to persuade them that Cross had to be eliminated.

The ex-general sighed. He had never liked Central's work, but now they had surpassed every limit: becoming the puppets of that guy!? How could they be so hopelessly stupid? Why weren't they able to face the truth, not even when it was under their very eyes? They preferred the eternal embrace of an illusion to the astonishing truth of an instant, so, could he really blame them? They were common human beings after all, despite their way to act as if they were God's apostles.

Disciples should be led by their masters. But God had never told them which way to follow. He had abandoned them to fight against their doubts and fears, as if it could be a fair match.

" _Maybe God, if he does really exist, if he really is perfect… if all this is true, maybe__, He can't understand our feelings, maybe things as fear and anguish, things as death and pain, are so far away from him that he can't understand these kind of things and that's why he left us alone. "_

Lost in the middle of his thoughts, Cross heard the sound of paces approaching. It was her; no one else could walk in that way.

Through the pain, he smiled to the woman when she sat beside him in silence. Cross observed her with admiration as she started to change his bandages. Her face was calm, her features perfect, maybe just a little too arrogant, her unnaturally, long, blond hair were like liquid gold, hiding her body as a cloak.

" You really are a fairytale's princess…" Cross whispered to her, but the arrogant beauty did not reply. Not that the ex-general was expecting anything of the kind: he knew her far too well to be so naive.

" My woman," he murmured proud, " my Maria, forever beautiful, no-one will ever touch you if I can't. "

" I'm not yours, Marian. I never was."

" But you are." The man smiled, " You've always been and you'll always be, you know this." He put an happy confidence in these words.

" You're hopeless as always, Marian, you can't admit the defeat." Her voice was stern and seemed annoyed somehow, but the man chuckled at her words in a strange, hysteric way. She didn't made an answer of any kind, mute as a statue, and Cross fell asleep with the feeling of being embraced by that golden hair of hers.

* * *

Meanwhile, as Cross fell asleep, a boy awakened in the middle of the night, gasping.

He had made the strangest of the dreams: everywhere around him was utterly black, he couldn't see anything at all, but the woman in front of him.

She was almost shining in the darkness, but Allen couldn't see her face. She was showing him her back; she was silent and immobile, seated on her knees. The only thing Allen could see was her long, blond, shining hair, so long that they covered completely her whole figure and the ground around her.

She didn't even care to answer when Allen started to call her. She was a living statue.

The boy kept on calling her, things like: "Excuse me, Miss… May I help you?" and, finally, she answered, though not the way Allen expected her to: " Allen Walker…" she said clearly. The exorcist stood surprised, in silence. How did she know his name? He really wanted to ask, but she was quicker:

" Allen Walker," she repeated. Allen knew that voice very well, he was sure of it, but he wasn't able to recognize whom it belonged.

" your master and you are in great danger." The woman explained with calm.

" My-my master and me?" Allen asked hesitant " That's nothing new: we are always in danger, me because I'm an exorcist and he because he's a womaniz…ehm… a particular person."

" This time is different." The woman replied. She had such a beautiful voice, so clear, it had the power to relax the others. Allen definitely knew that voice, but who was she?

" There are enemies waiting for you: people you trusted… and people who was supposed to be your ally. Stay on your guard, Allen Walker, don't trust anyone and find Cross-sama. He will need your help. "

The teen wanted to ask her where his master was, but at this rate he had awakened in shock.

Who was she? He knew her voice, he was sure of it, but her hair didn't help him to find out who she was. He knew nobody with such long, golden hair, he was sure of this too.

And what about all those speeches of dangers, new enemies and betrayals? She had frightened him, but he couldn't still understand what the Hell she was talking about. It was so annoying.

Allen observed his reflection in the mirror under the pale light of the moon. The teen that looked back at him was almost unrecognizable: he was thinner, more muscular, somehow older, with a strange, cold light shining in his eyes. Allen brushed the deep scars on his chest with the fingers.

What the Hell was happening? Someone inside the Order, he suspected Leverrier, had tried to kill his master who had, somehow, miraculously survived and was now pretending to be dead with the help of another general, Cloud Nine; the fourteenth inside him was becoming stronger each day and the teen could actually do nothing to fight him back; meanwhile he had to face the trial for heresy that sooner or later that bastard of a French Commandant ( author: he's speaking about Leverrier) would have surely put him through.

Allen snorted thinking that he had really had enough of all those plots and sighed (: "what is that idiot of an author doing?" Sorry Allen!!! XD). At the same time another voice broke the silence. It was Link:

" Are you okay, Allen Walker?" he asked

" Yes, it was only a nightmare."

" Are you sure?" Link insisted " You look frightened."

" I told you already: it was a N-I-G-T-H-M-A-R-E!" the teen raged " Or are you going to start thinking that I can plot with Cross against your beloved Leverrier even in dreams? Are you going to denounce me for a nightmare? " Allen regretted these words as soon as he ended to pronounce them, but Link didn't answer. Not that he was mad at Allen or something, he was only secretly hurt and he knew it was no use talking to the teen when he was like that. The Inspector knew that there was something tormenting Allen, something that the boy could not reveal to anyone, and less than all to him, his guardian, but still it hurt to be described as an enemy by a person he had secretly gotten affectionate to.

" I'm sorry, Link." Allen murmured slowly and pretended to return to sleep, but the Inspector knew that the young exorcist would have hardly caught any sleep that night.

* * *

Link was right: Allen didn't catch any sleep that night, so the next morning he woke up very early. The teen decided to go downstairs in order to take a huge breakfast to rise up his spirit, but though he tried to be as silent as he could, Link heard him and woke up.

" Hi, Link…" Allen said, feeling guilty and embarrassed for his behaviour of the previous night.

" How are you?" the teen asked trying to begin a conversation. Link ignored him.

" _Better to make Allen feel guilty for a little more…" _the Inspector thought revengefully, hiding a grin from the sight of the worried boy.

" _He really seems sorry…" _he thought, _" maybe I can return to speak to him for the end of the week." _Link decided evilly, enjoying his opportunity to have Allen's attention focused on him.

The young man was amazed by how much he had changed since the day he had been assigned to Allen Walker as his guardian.

When Leverrier had given him the mission of baby-sitting a young exorcist he had been annoyed to no end. It was true that the exorcist was suspected of being an ally of the Noah's family, but it still seemed a stupid mission to him, the best member of the task force of the Black Order.

Leverrier was completely sure of Allen being guilty, so, when Link had met the teen for the first time, he had imagined him to be a criminal, a clever spy, a traitor. You may even say that he hated the boy.

Then things slowly started to change. It was true that Allen was strange, it was obvious that he was hiding some secret and the Inspector could not deny that there was a connection between the teen and the Millennium Earl, but following the young exorcist everyday he had discovered other things too.

First of all, Link had been struck by the trust that everyone at the Headquarters put in that boy. Everybody simply adored him and even those few, like Kanda, who said to find him annoying, in reality trusted him more than anyone else. Link was astonished, but soon came to think about it as a part of the clever plan the spy was working at. Yes, it had to be like this.

Then Link had discovered why everyone trusted Allen so much: the teen was always the first to help when someone was in troubles and it was impressive to see him fight. When he activated the Crown Clown and destroyed akuma it was easy to see that he wasn't doing it because of his duty alone: Allen put all his heart and his strength in his "job". Fighting was all his life. He didn't fight for the Order or for himself, but for the sake of his friends as much as for his enemies.

There was such purity in Allen's way to live that couldn't be misjudged, there was something in him that made people want to help him, the little boy who had to be strong to help the others.

Generous, that was the right word to describe Allen, and generosity in him had nothing to do with ingenuity. The teen knew how cruel the world may be, he knew what pain and sufferance is, and yet this knowledge hadn't turn him into a selfish bastard, but in the most good person Link had ever known. And it was because of the goodness in Allen's soul that the Inspector had begun to care for the boy before even realizing it.

" _I am really stupid, am I not?"_ Link had started to think about it very often lately because, though he knew he would have never disobeyed Leverrier's orders, he was still determinate to do whatever was in his power to save Allen. Why? Because Allen was the most innocent, genuine, generous person he had ever known and he didn't want to see him condemned by one of those unfair trials of the Inquisition.

Still, Link would have never confessed out loud even a word of all this.

While the Inspector was lost in his thoughts, he and Allen reached the Cafeteria. It was very early in the morning and the room was almost desert, but by the time the teen finished ordering his food, the whole place was far more lively and they were still eating when an unknown golem reached them.

It had a message for Link: Leverrier was at the Headquarters and wanted the Inspector to report on the result of his inquiry.

Link listened to the message emotionless, and then he left the room without saying a single word to Allen.

* * *

" I'm here, Commandant." These were the first words Link pronounced in front of his superior.

Leverrier… that man was a mystery: he was cruel, merciless, stubborn till the idiocy, arrogant and fanatic too, but that was just the way he appeared to people. After many years at his side, Link knew that it was only a part of the truth about that complicated man.

" Link Inspector!" Leverrier welcomed him with something very similar to a smile: " How is the inquiry going?"

" Very well, Commandant, very well, indeed." Leverrier smiled at these words and Link went on with his speech: " The suspect never tried to contact Marian Cross, nor did he gave any sign of knowing something about the General's present location, if he really is alive as you suspect."

Link kept on talking before Leverrier could have the chance to stop him: "There hasn't been any attempt from his part to contact the Noah family either. During my surveillance time, Allen Walker has done nothing, but fight the enemy, exactly as he was supposed to do as an exorcist and during the missions he has showed nothing, but loyalty to his duty and to his companions. Even if rumours had been spread about him being a spy, the other members of the Order never doubted him and I have to say that I have no reasons to suspect him either."

Link did his report briefly and denying any support to his superior's accusations.

Leverrier wasn't pleased at all by these news.

" That's all you've discovered? " he asked serious.

" I've found nothing that can be used to support the accuse." Link answered, returning to the emotionless mode. He had exaggerated when he said that he didn't suspect Allen anymore. Anyway, Leverrier didn't comment that, but stated: " It seems that Allen Walker is loved by everyone and that's strange. It's unnatural. Inspector Link, I want a reckoning of everyone who has ever had a fight with our suspect."

" Now?" Link asked in disbelief. Why was Leverrier interested in such a thing? What was he plotting?

" Not now. Do researches and show me the result at our next meeting."

" As you order, my Commandant." Link bowed

" You can go." Leverrier ordered in a pompous manner.

The Inspector was already leaving when his superior added at the last moment: " Link-kun," his subordinate turned towards him, " You would better not get affectionate to someone who is doomed to fall." Leverrier pronounced this sentence slowly, a sadistic smile on his features.

Link nodded trying to remain emotionless and went away quickly. Now he was certain: Leverrier was going to destroy Allen and he didn't care if the exorcist was guilty or not. He had decided to crush the teen and nothing would have made him change his mind, for he was so stupidly stubborn!

Link was shocked and yet he knew that this was only one of the many mysteries about Leverrier that he could not comprehend. The Inspector was only a helpless child, caged in an orphanage, when he saw the Commandant for the first time. Since then, he had always followed him with loyalty and so he knew that his superior had never been afraid of breaking the rules in order to get what he wanted, but still Link had kept on believing in him, he had always followed him faithfully. He was sure that Leverrier couldn't be that bad to condemn an innocent without many valid reasons.

But then, why the idea was upsetting him all of a sudden? It was because it was Allen the innocent that had to be sacrificed? Or was it Link the one who had changed? Was he going to have to make a terrible choice? Or was there a way to keep himself loyal to both Leverrier and his own feelings? If Leverrier was really going to kill Allen, even if he was innocent, what side would Link choose?

The Inspector tried to calm down himself: first, he couldn't be sure of what the Commandant intentions were, and second, the moment of choosing hadn't come yet. He still had time to see and decide. Yes, Link sighed, he still had time. Meanwhile he would have done what his superior had requested.

* * *

**Author's note****s—the angel is tired and the devil dances**

**I swear**** it, I'm tired to no end. To study during the day and to write at night is killing me. But I won't ever renounce to this fic! I'm proud of this story!**

**Go on, guys, I want reviews!!!! **

**Finally Cross has appeared… oh, divine joy!**** I was waiting to upload this chapter since such a long time! How was it? Did you find it interesting? Do you liked the way I described Cross and that woman? I have a lot of things to say about them, but I fear you'll have to wait for a very long time to find out the truth…**

**I made Allen a little hysteric in this chapter… I wanted to represent a young teen who is consumed by a world far too complicated and cruel for a boy of his age and he end up like this. I think Allen is feeling terribly alone in this moment of this life, more than ever. I'd like to give him more space, but it's useless: no matter how hard I try, the other characters always win on him! In this case the guilty one is Link… XD He was ****really terrible at the beginning of the story and now he's becoming one of my favourites! I hope it'll be the same for you all!**

**And Leverrier becomes more interesting at any word I make him said, he really has my attention now! Really, I can't believe him to be all bad… there must be something good in him, even in him… I'll have to work hard to do a decent portrait of this chapter… =( **

**I'm sorry for the delay I've made in this chapter ( I guess there's something wrong in this sentence, but I don't know how to say it in a different way… Sorry…), but I couldn't do otherwise… in this last two weeks I had so many work to do related to school! But I wrote some interesting thing that will make happy the fans of Road… Wait for this!**

**I'm sorry for the many grammatical mistakes, I'm working hard to reduce them, but you have to consider that English is not my language and that to work at late night doesn't help. Forgive me! **

* * *

**BONUS SPACE**

**Link reviews this chapter: " You, stupid author! You're making me too emotional! Don't you know that I'm a proud, serious guy? Yes, you knew? Then why are you describing me in this shameful way!!!**

**Author response: "Shut up. If you don't want to admit things, it's not a problem of mine! "**

**-- They fight--**

* * *

**See you in the next chapter!**

**Rome, 4.12.09**

**Eris****92**


	12. Chapter 12 Building a friendship

**WARNING: I've posted a poll on my profile and all those who reads this fic are gently requested to vote! It would take you only 5 sec, I swear, and it would mean a lot for me. So, pleeeeaaase…**

**If I don't see readers liking this story I can even end it, you know…??? **

**Twelfth chapter to you all, people! Hope you'll enjoy it… Final****ly I can make Lavi appear! I like Lavi, then why am I writing such nasty tings about him? I don't know, it ended up like this, so, please, try to deal with it… I wanted to show how he can be annoying even though his intention is good…**

**I never laughed so much as while I was writing this chapter… I hope you'll enjoy this too… The idea of the conversation between ****Kanda and Cassandra came to me one night: I couldn't sleep and I was thinking about the fic and so I started to imagine the episode of the training room… The part in the Cafeteria, instead, was written almost a week later, but we're still talking of months ago!**

**I did my best to write something funny, but I fear that I failed completely… Let me know what do you think!!! **

**!!!REVIEW- REVIEW- REVIEW!!! **

**Soundtrack for this chapter… boh, honestly I don't know which music I used… it has been such a long time since I wrote this… I guess it was something funny and joyful, maybe a little clumsy…**

**And now go on with the fic!**

**TWELFTH CHAPTER****- BUILDING A FRIENDSHIP**

Morning, Black Order Headquarters

It had passed two days since the terrible Commandant Leverrier's departure from the Headquarters, but the terrible feeling that had filled the place while he was there hadn't left, it was still floating upon the building as a curse.

Cassandra had seen the Commandant only for few seconds and had a very bad impression of him, but after two days she had almost forgotten him already. She was completely overwhelmed with boredom, to tell the truth.

Since the day Kanda had left the Headquarters for some mission she hadn't had their usual training to distract her from the tedious tasks that Lenalee always assigned to her.

It was true that during those days she had made some friend, but it simply wasn't enough to keep her from being bored. She longed for open spaces, for adventures, but what she really missed where the lessons of self-defence with Kanda. When the swordsman provoked her and made her fight she felt alive. It wasn't exactly the kind of emotion she could feel while doing coffee for the science section…

It was true: to train with Kanda meant to be always sore and tired, but she was ready to this and much more, no complaints, in order to feel alive. That emotion was worth all the pain of the world.

Unfortunately, Kanda wasn't always there at the Headquarters, so she had to find something else to do in his absence.

First of all she had made of Lavi something like a faithful dog. Not that she did so willingly… To be honest it was him, Lavi, who always followed her everywhere, asking if there was something, everything, which he could do for her. At the beginning she had found him very annoying: he was always chatting about nonsense and he gazed at her with such dreaming eyes that she couldn't help it, but feel uneasy.

Then, one day, she decided that she hated Lavi the most.

Since he had discovered that she didn't like to be called Cassandra, Lavi decided that he had to find a new name for her. Where was the problem with this? No problem at all if it hadn't been for the name he chose… Angel…

Good God, it was so silly, insane, fatuous, _( the author ask for forgiveness if someone between the readers is called " Angel", I was simply searching for a name that Cassandra would have hated for her character being what it is…)_, that she thought she could feel sick, but the worst part came when Lavi had to explain his choice:

" Because you're just beautiful as an angel…" he said( and here Cassandra really felt sick XD). She pleaded him to change his mind, but Lavi insisted and started to call her like that continuously.

Well, you won't believe it, but after a week everyone was just convinced that her name was really "Angel" and called her by that. Now the poor woman had to deal with that stupid name everyday. Her only hope was that Kanda would keep on calling her: " Hey you! ".

This was the first impression she had of Lavi and it wasn't positive at all, as you can imagine, but, as I said, it was only the fists impression, because though she had considered him a useless idiot at first, then she found out that he was very useful. Yes, very useful indeed, when she had to escape from Lenalee's guard: he was a wonderful decoy. Usually Cassandra used him to distract her baby sitter while she was paying a visit to Hevlaska, whose company she really liked, until she started to change her mind about Lavi.

She didn't know how it began, but day after day his presence became always less intrusive, until it became an habit for her to walk through the halls with Lavi chatting at her side and so, little by little, she began to appreciate his good qualities: he was always cheerful in the presence of others and, though sometimes he appeared distant, he was always ready to help.

Most of all, it was impossible to hunt down his spirit. No matter how bad you can treat him or offend him, he will always be at your side, smiling and teasing you.

Lavi was an antidote against depression, so, even if sometimes he was really annoying, she couldn't help but forgive him everything.

Cassandra still didn't knew how it happened, but after only two weeks she found herself obliged to admit that Lavi was one of her dearest friends, maybe even her best friend, since she wasn't sure she could think of Kanda as a friend.

That's why that morning she was waiting for him, surprised because it was strange for Lavi to be late when he had to meet her. Then, when she was thinking of going to search for him, he finally appeared, breathless, as if he had been running.

" Great news, Angel," he shouted, " Kanda's back!"

The woman couldn't hide a smile, but then she remembered that she was supposed to know Kanda just by sight and so she held back her excitement.

" Do you mean that strange, creepy guy with long, black hair?" she asked pretending not to know him.

" Yes!" Lavi seemed even more cheerful than usual.

" When did he return?"

" This night, so Komui said at least, but I can't find him."

" Have you searched in the training room?"

" But, Angel! He has just returned, he can't be already in the training room!" Lavi seemed shocked by such a suggest.

" _Want to have a bet?"_ the woman thought, but said nothing. She only smiled mischievously.

* * *

Half an hour later, Cassandra entered in the training room alone.

The room was desert, but for one person, a young male who was sitting on the ground, meditating. Obviously, it was Kanda.

" _I've won my bet!"_ Cassandra thought while she was observing him. Only now that she saw him, she really understood how much she had missed him. The woman smiled and came near.

Only when she was a few paces from him, Kanda noticed her.

" What are you doing here?" the swordsman asked her, confused by her appearance.

" Since I was bored, I obtained Lenalee's permission to meditate with you. She thinks that this will calm down my nerves, I'm a bit hysteric lately, and she trust that you won't let me do anything stupid. She's really overestimating you, isn't she?" she provoked him with a broad grin.

Kanda sighed with resignation: " So you've found a way to torture me even during the day…"

" Of course! Living here is soooo boring… torturing you is the only funny thing! " she joked throwing open her arms dramatically. Kanda hoped that this could be her strange, sadistic way to say: "I've missed you", but he had some doubt about it.

The silence fell and the swordsman believed for a moment that he would have finally have the opportunity to meditate in peace, but she soon showed him how much he was wrong.

" Kanda-chan," she asked innocently, " have you ever thought about cutting your hair?"

The man sighed: " No."

" Never, never?" she insisted

" Never, never." He confirmed.

" _But what am I saying?" _he wondered a moment later in disbelief. That woman had the power to make him say nonsense. And she wasn't going to stop with her ridiculous questions:

" How would you react if, by chance obviously, I cut your hair?" she questioned him with a cautious voice.

" You would better never try." He answered trying to appear the most frightening he could. Whatever the result was, it didn't seem to work on the young woman, because she asked innocently: " Why?"

" And why should you cut my hair?" he asked in response, regretting it the very moment he was saying it.

" _Who cares of why? She must not do it and that's all!" _he thought, but unfortunately it was too late to hope he had never spoke. The woman answered without any embarrassment:

" Because I think you'd be more handsome." She said and after a brief pause she added: " And I'm not the only woman who thinks so." ( the author agree with Cassandra.)

Now Kanda really did not know if he was more angry or embarrassed.

" _That's why you asked her something, you fool!" _ He remembered to himself.

" I'm speaking seriously," the woman continued, " It would make you appear more adult-like, Kanda-chan.

" May I know why the Hell do you call me 'Kanda-chan'?" he asked exasperated.

She widened her eyes in innocent surprise: " Because Kanda-kun is too serious and cold. And you hate to be called Yuu-chan, so…"

The swordsman felt a chill down to his spine at hearing her calling him by his first name and gave up.

She was hopeless.

He would have easily killed everyone who'd have dared to say such things to him, but he wasn't able to get angry with her. Well… not that much at least.

" Listen… to me… carefully..." He pronounced slowly with the last scrap of patience he had left, " I don't know what your intentions are, but if you are going to come near me with a pair of scissors, know this, I'll surely kill you, right?"

She stared at him in silence for a moment, disappointed, then she said:

" Then you're a traditionalistic type, aren't you, Kanda-chan?"

" What does this mean now?" he asked in disbelief.

" I've heard that people that doesn't love to change their look, and in particular their hair-style, usually are deeply attached to tradition." She explained with calm. Kanda face-slapped himself.

" _Good Lord, this woman has the power to exhaust me…" _he thought refusing to answer.

" Then, Kanda-chan?" she went on "Why are you so silent?"

" Shut up and meditate!" he ordered harshly. He wasn't exactly famous for his patience.

" Ok, ok…" the woman declared theatrically hiding a grin, " I don't understand why are you always angry though, Kanda-chan…"

The swordsman wisely decided not to answer.

* * *

The same day, at lunch, Kanda and the-now-called-Angel joined the others in the Cafeteria.

Well, if I have to be honest, it was Angel who forced the swordsman to join the others, but let's tell the facts as they happened.

Kanda was already going to reach his usual table, the one that was placed in the darkest corner of the room, the one where nobody ever wanted to sit but him, when Angel held him back:

" Where are you going?" she asked

" At my table, of course." Kanda stated a little surprised.

" You mean that dark one which seems at least cursed? Go on, Kanda-chan, you're acting like a monk! "

" We ARE monks at the Black Order." He declared calm, arching his eyebrows.

Angel silenced with disappointment, but she soon regained her spirit: "Whatever. You can't sit there alone, or you'll become some unsocial, disagreeable guy! "

" I AM an unsocial disagreeable guy already." Kanda confirmed with the same calm voice of before.

" I know, but I'm going to make you change, so come with me!" she declared, hugging his right arm and dragging him away, but the swordsman made resistance:

" What are you gonna do?" he started to get angry " And how, if I may ask?" he questioned her sarcastically. She turned towards him to stare at him in the eyes, a severe/angry look on her gorgeous features:

" Kanda-chan," she said as if he was a disobedient child, " you can't be always alone all by yourself!"

" Why not? I like to be alone."

" But you will fall ill one day if you go on like this!"

" Why should I? Really, I only want to eat my soba in peace."

" Then, if you don't want to do it for yourself, please, do it for me! I don't want to remain alone with them… And you've been away for so long…" she pleaded and it was partially true: with Kanda everything was funnier…

He was the only one who didn't treat her as if she was an angel or a goddess, he was the only one who had believed in her and had been helping her, and even if he was always complaining, at the very end he always pleased her. As he was doing in that moment: he looked away, he snorted, sighed and said that she was a pain, but he followed her to the table where all the others were already sitting.

Everyone stared at the swordsman in disbelief as he took place next to Angel.

" Yuu-chan…" Lavi called him in shock, " You're eating with us today? "

" Can't I?" Kanda asked hopeful

" OF COURSE YOU CAN!!!" Lavi, Lenalee, Angel and Marie answered immediately with one voice. The swordsman sighed giving up. There was no way to escape from that Hell and since he couldn't escape, Kanda decided that he could remain in silence at least and so he did.

He ignored Lavi all the time, holding himself back to not kill him every time the stupid rabbit called him "Yuu-chan", and answered with monosyllables when Angel or Lenalee were asking him something and only when it was strictly necessary.

Still, his patience didn't last long.

When Lavi asked him whispering what he had done to catch such a beautiful girl, the swordsman decided he had had enough and, though he was very tempted to answer something as: " I hit her every night until she splits blood" ( he's referring to their training… he is pretty hard on her, do you know?), he remained silent.

So, Kanda rose and went away ignoring Angel's complaints.

" Kanda-chan, please, come back! Lavi! What have you told to him?" she asked threatening.

" Nothing, nothing, Angel, I assure you!"

" I don't believe you! I know it's your fault if he's angry!"

" Angel, sweetheart, believe me…"

" Don't dare to call me like that!"

" How? Angel?"

" Yes! I mean, no! The other one!"

" So you don't' like me to call you sweetheart… But you like the name "Angel" after all!"

" Wrong! I hate it, stupid rabbit!"

Meanwhile, Kanda left the room, secretly enjoying the view of Lavi being hit by Angel who was uncaring of Lenalee's attempts to stop her from killing "the poor rabbit".

* * *

That night Kanda and Angel restarted their training. The first words that the swordsman told her were: " Now, prepare yourself, because I'm going to take my revenge for what you made me bear this morning. " He said and showed a mischievous grim that caused the poor victim-to-be to tremble.

It was going to be a very long night for Angel.

* * *

**Author's notes___"**_**The sleeping clown"___**_

**As always, the title has no meaning to anyone, but me, so ignore it**** XD**

**I wrote this chapter quite quickly, maybe because it's funny but I still wonder if I did a good job with it****… It was some month ago and at that time I was completely in another spirit. If there's something that I have in common with Cassandra/Angel is that we change character very easily.**

**Speaking about the chapter****, I know, it's a little shorter than the usual. I'm sorry for this, but I couldn't do anyway else. **

**Think of this as a filler or something of the kind, it has the function of explaining a little more about how Cassandra interacts with the other exorcists and in particular with Kanda. I think that those two together are dynamite XD **

**What do you think of them? Let me know, let me know, let me know!!!**

**Now I'm going to say something that has nothing to do with this fic., so you're allowed to skip this part, if you want. I just wanted to tell you all something that happened to me. **

**Yesterday I went to theatre to see " Macbeth" interpreted by ****Lavia****… It was wonderful, the most beautiful play I've ever seen… I'm enchanted… He was very faithful to the Shakespearian text, but he changed completely the setting and the customs so that he could actualize the play. I swear, it was wonderful. Though I do not love Shakespeare particularly, I adore "Macbeth", the better plays of every time for my tastes, and to see it represented like this… Oh… It was dream-like… And the music!**

**I love the theatre… I've always dreamed to perform Lady Macbeth a theatre one day… She's a wonderful character, even better of her husband, I dare say… I love Lavia! And the three witches! They were amazing!!! **

**Now, stop with my nonsense.**

**Goodnight to everyone (here are the 23.07)**

**--****Eris92--**

**Rome, 11.12.09**


	13. Chapter 13 Party

**It took years to write this chapter, I've worked on this for almost two months… It's annoying, but I didn't want to write this, I didn't had clear ideas of what I wanted to represent and how… but with time, through many, many hours, the ideas finally came and the chapter turned to be like this. I hope you'll like this and that you'll leave some review… It's terrible not to know what the readers think of my work! **

**Anyway... Soundtracks for this chapter were:**

"**The revenant choir" and " Aristocratic Symphony" by ****Versailles.**** I've just this discovered this visual key band and, I swear, I love them. Kamijo's voice is amazing, believe me!!!**

**GO AND VOTE THE POLL ON MY PROFILE!**

**XIII CHAPTER****- PARTY**

In one of the houses of the Earl, London, Evening

" Lord Kamelot, my compliments for this wonderful party you've organized! As always you're proving yourself to be up to the situation." Cheryl smiled politely at the words of his main guest: Lady Charlotte.

That woman not only had great influence on her husband, Sir Travor, but on every political event of the country. She was a proud and stubborn woman and no one ever dared to move a finger without her consent, so, if she had found the party well organized, nobody would have disagreed and Cheryl knew how important such a trivial matter could become for the Earl's plans.

" I'm deeply honoured by your presence here, tonight, Madame. I couldn't have imagined a better reward for my work."

" Oh, you're embarrassing me, Lord Kamelot! And you knew that I would never missed the party after all you've aid to me!" she protested.

" All I've said to you, Madame?" Cheryl pretended to hesitate.

" Oh, don't joke with me, Lord Kamelot! You told me that if I was going to come I'd meet another of your mysterious brothers. So how could you doubt that I would come?"

In front of this accuse, Cheryl excused himself with an handsome smile:

" My brother, Amatus, did he meet your expectations?" he asked.

" My expectations? Lord Kamelot, you surprise me continuously this night: have you eyes? Can't you see that all the ladies have fallen in love with him at first sight? His angelic features, his polite manners and those shining blond hair! He seems an angel who has fallen from the sky to confirm us that miracles do exists!"

At this words Cheryl gave a small laugh, then he excused himself and vanished. He surpassed Amatus and Tiky that were dancing with the most beautiful ladies of the room. For once, Amatus had decided to wear something decent and he didn't even seem the same person with those elegant clothes on him. Even his face didn't report any trace of his usual madness, his features were relaxed and he could be easily mistaken for an angel, or a fairytale prince. For the first time, his long hairs were clean and well managed, tied in a long, curly tail. No wonder that the ladies had fallen in love with him.

" _An angel who has fallen from the sky…"_ Cheryl thought of the words which Madame had said before, _" A fallen Angel… ahah… really, she doesn't know how near to the truth she has been…"_

The Noah thought reaching the table where the remaining of his family was already sitting.

" Earl, " he began, " everything is going fine."

" Good work, Cheryl. With the new war approaching, we were in need of a ball to distract the high society from the miseries that wars always cause…"

" The idea of introducing Amatus to the ladies was great. They are all astonished by him and Tiky Mikk now, just look at them! My beautiful brothers always conquer everyone… " Cheryl said with a satisfied voice.

" You're right!" Road chuckled, " Those two are in the middle of everyone's attention. I'm becoming jealous. Aren't you jealous too, Lulubell? "

" I? Why should I? If they fall for someone is nothing of my business, but it could be of help for the Earl's plan if they married with a lady of some influence." Lulubell replied, as cold as ever.

" It could be," the Earl confirmed, " but I'm not going to force them to marry."

" Why shouldn't they marry? Cheryl questioned " To be married is such a funny thing! It's thanks to this that I could adopt my little, beloved, adorable, Road-chan!" he tried to kiss his sister/daughter, but the girl avoided him easily and came near to the Earl:

"Speaking seriously, Count, what's happening to Tiky? Now he seems normal, but only a week ago…"

The Lord of Millennium sighed: " The Innocence of Allen Walker tried to destroy his Noah side, but it failed. The result was that it could eliminate only the bounds that were keeping the Noah's power under the control of Tiky Mikk's will.

As you all know, though you have the strength of the memory of Noahs beneath you, you're still human. What keep you human are those bounds that make you able to use only a part of your original power, but otherwise you wouldn't be able to control it properly and our human part would be easily overwhelmed and consumed by the Noah's power. You would lose your consciousness forever.

Tiky is surprising me: though his bounds were broken, he's still able to remain himself most of the times. If it wasn't ridiculous from my part to say such a word, I'd call this a miracle."

The silence fell for some moment, then the Earl added:

" Obviously this doesn't mean that this Allen Walker isn't a terrible nuisance. He must be eliminated immediately!" The Millennium Earl ordered " And I'll do it myself." He added.

Road widened her eyes along with Cheryl in surprise.

Only Lulubell remained unmoved as a statue, perfect in her silver dress, while watching Amatus and Tiky Mikk far away in the other side of the huge ball room. The two males, unaware of what was being discussed, were challenging each other to see which one would have conquered more ladies that night.

* * *

_Few minutes later…_

" Road, what's wrong with you?" Cheryl was worried.

" The Count has decided to kill Allen…" she said, her gaze lost somewhere, in a place far, far away from there. Cheryl observed her carefully:

" You're always putting such a face when you talk about Allen Walker… He's an exorcist, it's normal for the Earl to want him dead, isn't it? He's even the Host for the fourteenth… it's more than normal, it was obvious that this day would have come." He declared. Road nodded, but her gaze was still lost I the distance.

" Why are you so interested in him?"

" I like him." She said simply to a shocked Cheryl, " He's just so cute with that determinate innocent face of his…" If she had stabbed Cheryl she wouldn't have surprised him more:

" Y-Y-You're saying that you're in love with an exorcist because he's _"cute"_?!?"

Road laughed briefly seeing the upset face of his adoptive father:

" I could say that, but it wouldn't be true. It's that he's… he's strange. I've lived a long life Cheryl and I never met someone with a gaze such as his… so honest…Well, I can say two thousand reasons why I love him, but none of them would be the right one. I just love him, that's all. The others are all excuses." She smiled satisfied while she was looking at a shocked Cheryl who meanwhile was going to have heartache as he realized that his little Road wasn't so little after all… She wasn't a child anymore ( Author: he easily forgets that she is older than him actually XD ).

Then he regained his usual temper and gazed at his sister/daughter sadly.

He'd have wanted to say something intelligent, something beautiful and touching, something that could have solved the absurd paradox of that situation, but Road preceded him:

" I love Allen. That's why I want to kill him myself." She stated

" W-What?"

" Yes, I want to kill him myself and I won't let anyone else to get in my way, not even the Earl. Allen is mine." She made a brief pause and then she added:

" That's right, I'll talk to the Earl and then I'll kill Allen myself." She said smiling with enthusiasm.

Cheryl smiled too: " That's just the way a Noah does love, isn't it?"

" Yes, it is, daddy."

" Repeat it again! "

" What? Daddy?"

" Yes, say it again!"

" Cheryl, are you ok?"

" No, call me 'daddy'!"

* * *

Meanwhile, the Earl had remained alone with Lulubell and, since none of them was exactly the talkative-type, they stood in silence.

…_Silence and emptiness…_

Those were the things the Earl feared the most because when there is silence and you have nothing to do it's hard to hold memories back and, having lived for seven thousand years, he had a lot of unpleasant memories. Still, those which frightened him the most were all concerning recent events and a certain person in particular.

Since he had nothing to distract him, the Earl's mind began to wander, lost in the memories of the past, and, as always, he ended up thinking about _'him'_.

_________

_A young man was laying on the bed. He had handsome features and he seemed to shine in contrast with the poor room he was in. _

_He was too beautiful for such a place, even if he was wearing torned clothes and his face was contorted in pain, even so, he was far too beautiful not to be noticed._

_His head was bleeding and the blood mixed with his black, lucid hair made him appear dirtier than he really was, and yet his face was so handsome that he couldn't be nothing less than a prince. _

_For some strange, pervert reason, the Noah's memories always took beautiful people as their host. Maybe they hoped that the offence towards God would have been greater if they had acted that way._

_The stigmata on his forehead didn't stop bleeding, his eyes were shut in an useless attempt to avoid sufferance. He must have been seventeen, more or less._

_The Earl's voice broke the silence: " Pitiful child, your memory has awaken. The pain is terrible, isn't it? It's unbearable, am I right?"_

_The teen nodded vigorously in silence, his eyes still shut. There was the smell of sweat and grief in that room. Yes, grief too has his own smell and the Earl could perceive it as clearly as he could see the young man in front of him._

" _I know that it's painful, but everything you see it's true, absolute true. You can't pretend to have seen nothing, can't you? And yet this causes you sufferance, isn't it?" the Earl asked again and the teen nodded again breathing hard. _

" _If you suffer it's because you're fighting the memory back." The Earl explained: " Then, stop fighting and come with me, my brother and my child. Obey me and all your sufferance will end."_

_The teen nodded again in acceptance and the Earl brushed the male's forehead with his right hand and so two things happened in the same moment: the stigmata stopped bleeding and the eyes of a new Noah flashed open. They were of the colour of gold._

_Immediately, the teen started speaking: " I'm ready my good Lord." _

_Those were the first words ever pronounced by the Fourteenth. _

___________

" No, I mustn't think about this!" The present Earl in the ball room imposed to himself, but sometimes the power of memories is just unbeatable.

_________

" _Then, big brother, why are we waiting? Can't we sweep the field of that filthy Black Order right now? Why are you sparing them?" _

_The voice of the Fourteenth was excited as one of a child at the Lunapark._

" _Let's go destroying them, big brother, it would be funny!" he insisted. _

" _Not still," the Earl replied smiling tenderly at the beautiful teen, " even the Black Order is a part of my plan. It has to live for now in order to become useful to me, when the time comes."_

" _What time, big bro?"_

" _The day of the Armageddon."_

_The Fourteenth stared at the Earl for a moment, then he asked: _

" _Why are you crying?" his voice was low and tender_

" _What? I'm not crying?" the Earl replied astonished_

" _And yet I can see tears washing your heart deep inside." He made a pause while coming near. _

" _If what you're planning is for the good of the world, as you say, then why are you crying big brother?" _

_The Earl didn't answer. _

_He was speechless._

_The Fourteenth embraced him gently as to console the Earl: " Shh… You don't have to cry, big brother, you do not have to worry, I'll always be there, right beside you. _I swear_."_

______________

The Earl was abruptly brought back to reality by Road.

" Millennium Count," the older of the Noahs began with her acute, joyful voice, " I've something to ask you! "

" Tell me, tell me, my gracious Road, what's the matter?" he asked, grateful for the distraction she was offering him.

" It's for what you've said earlier about our _" destroyer of time"_." She admitted and at those words the Earl frowned suspiciously:

" Is there anything to say about him? I've already declared that I'll kill him and I' m not going to change my mind. As you well know, he's…"

" …very dangerous for us all." Road ended for him. " I know this and I'm not going to ask you to save him." She declared with decision, " But I have to ask you a big favour. I'm begging you, please, allow me to be the one who will kill Allen Walker!" She pleaded hugging the Earl whose eyes narrowed in doubt:

" But, Road, I've understood that you got affectionate to the boy… Are you sure the you'll be able to kill him? There is the possibility that you'll suffer because of this." He wasn't sure of what was best for Road.

" Please, Earl, I know what I'm doing! It has been 40 years since the stigmata appeared on my forehead and I became a Noah. In those years, at least, I've learnt to know myself and what I want, and know my heart is telling me that I have to be the one to kill Allen Walker!"

" Why?" The Earl asked gently, still not convinced.

" Because I love him, Millennium Count," she twittered happily, " I want him to be mine, absolutely, he'll be mine, he must be mine, and yet I can't have him! But I don't care: if I can't have him alive, then I want to be the one who will take his life, stealing away every light from his eyes, reducing him to nothing! I'll kill his body and steal away his soul, I won't let God have it, it will became my puppet in my world!" Road's eyes were shining of a strange, greedy light.

" Are you going to cage his soul into your world?" the Earl asked astonished and Road nodded with vivacity.

" But you haven't done this to no-one, but _"that person"_ before!" the Count protested, but the Noah frowned, annoyed: " And then? She is so annoying lately… I've got bored of my ancient puppet, now I want Allen to play with me and only him!" She declared stubbornly , " He's irresistible, there is such a light in his eyes… He must be mine! Let me have him, Earl, so I'll be happy and he won't be a nuisance for you anymore!"

The Millennium Count stared at his companion with blank eyes. She seemed so determinate and he knew she would have never forgiven him if he had failed her.

" I don't think it's a good idea," he said at last, " but I'm not going to forbid you anything, my dear. Do as you please."

" Thank you so much, Earl!" The little one replied with enthusiasm as a child who has just received her birthday gift. She hugged the older for a moment and then she ran away dancing and singing.

Now that evening seemed much more interesting to her…

* * *

**REVIEW-REVIEW-REVIEW-REVIEW-REVIEW-REVIEW-REVIEW-REVIEW-REVIEW-REVIEW-REVIEW-REVIEW-REVIEW-REVIEW-REVIEW-REVIEW-REVIEW-REVIEW-REVIEW **

**Author's notes****__ Waiting for a moment of peace__**

**Hi, everyone, welcome to my nonsense space! **

**From now on, Road will appear more, I hope… Well, at least, that's what I'd like to do, I don't have clear ideas about what will happen next, I'm adding ideas to ideas and I'll see what will come out. If you keep on reading and start reviewing. Otherwise I do not know if I'll go on. **

**I mean, I like this fic and I'm putting my very soul into it, but there are many other things that I'd like to write and if this story isn't appreciated maybe I should think about trying something else. There are a lot of things I'm thinking about lately and I'm dying for the desire of writing them. Still, I like this fic… I guess that the future of this story will depend by the number of the readers, so if you want me to keep on writing leave a review of any kind! And obviously vote the poll on my profile! ^^**

**Now ****I want to thank Knux33**** for his reviews and corrections because he/she (?) is really helping me a lot since the beginning of this fic!**

**Good night to everyone ( here are the 23.34) **

**THIS IS MY CHRISTMAS GIFT TO YOU ALL!**

**-Eris92-**

**Rome, 22.12.09**


	14. Chapter 14 Prelude of ruin

**Here we have the XIV chapter! **

**Wow, I still can't believe that I'm going so far with this fic… I thought I wouldn't be able to keep on writing with school and all the rest, but instead… somehow I'm going on!**

**I didn't plan to make this an important chapter at the beginning, I imagined this as a filler or something of the kind, but then things changed: I happened to have some strange intriguing idea and I put them into this. The story becomes creepier and more complicated at any chapter… Everytime I start writing I add something and the whole tale takes a different direction than that I've planned… Sigh… **

**With my big disappointment, there is only a little of Kanda and Cassandra here, but the fans of Link and of the third exorcists, if they do exist, will love this chapter, I hope ^^ **

**The title of this chapter was actually taken by the name of one of the FFVII themes by Takeharu Ishimoto. **

**Soundtracks for this chapter were**** the songs of the Arc-en-ciel, in particular:**

" **Drink it down" **

" **Driver's High"**

" **Daybreak's bell"**

" **Ready steady go".**

**This band is awesome and Hyde's voice is so particular… You MUST listen to them, really!**

**XIV CHAPTER-**** PRELUDE OF RUIN**

Headquarters of the Black Order, Leverrier's office, morning.

" I'm here, my Commandant."

As always, those were the firsts words Link pronounced in presence of his superior.

" You're finally here, Inspector Link! Is the reckoning that I requested ready?"

" Yes, my Commandant, it is." Link answered with a bow giving him a closed letter. Leverrier took it immediately and asked: " Where is now our suspect?"

" He's still sleeping. After all it's the six of the morning."

" Do not trust him, Inspector Link. A spy is full of surprises and I dare say that they wouldn't be pleasant for us." Leverrier warned him while opening the letter.

" Of course, my Commandant." Link answered. Meanwhile his superior had frowned:

" What does this mean? There are only two names here!"

" The names I wrote are those of the only two persons in the Order who ever had a fight with Allen Walker."

" Are you sure?" Leverrier asked staring at Link in the eyes.

" Have I ever failed you, my Commandant?"

"No, Link-kun, you have never failed me." His superior said and smiled warmly. It was a real smile that showed affect, a rare thing from his part.

When he acted in that almost-friendly way towards Link, the Inspector remembered why he had decided to follow that man until his dying day. Leverrier was the one who had given him a reason to live, he had been a master for him, a father, a hero, everything! There was no way Link could fail him, and the Commandant knew that and trusted him like no one else.

When he was only a boy between the hundreds that were trained hoping that they would become part of the task force, Link would have died for the slightest sign of recognition from Leverrier's part. All his adolescence had been a continue training in order to become the best, to be recognized by that man who had saved him, the man who had showed him that his life could have a meaning.

Of course, now things were a little different, Link had learnt to see many of the vices and faults of his 'hero', and yet his devotion towards him hadn't changed. He would have still died with a smile upon his lips in order to get Leverrier's affection.

He, that had always been alone, no family, no friends, wanted that strange man to think of him as a son. It was his lifetime wish, the only thing for which he had lived when he was young, and all the rest: the Order, the Noahs, the Millenium Earl, the exorcists, even God, to all this he didn't give any significance.

But now? Now something was changing inside him and Link didn't like this. He hated not to be sure of his only belief.

Meanwhile, Leverrier was staring at the list blankly. His brain was at work.

" Well, " he finally said, " two names are few, but they'll be enough. Fortunately, the Inquisition needs only two testimonies to condemn someone."

" Wh-What, my Commandant?" Link hesitated " Are you going to put Walker under a trial and to use those two I reported as the testimonies of the accuse?"

" Oh, you've understood me immediately, Link-kun!" Leverrier complimented him " Yes, that's exactly what I'm going to do."

" But, Commandant, even if those two have things of some importance to say against Walker, even if they agree to testimony against their companion, even if the Inquisition will condemn him, what's the meaning of doing so, now? Until now, Walker hasn't showed anything that can make us think of him as an enemy and we are in need of exorcists! It isn't… stupid… to kill one of our better exorcists now, without a valid reason?" Link asked trying to appear reasonable and objective.

" Without a valid reason?" Leverrier frowned " Link-kun, don't you think that the mere fact that Walker can manipulate the Ark means that we can not trust him? Even if he's not spy, we must not forget that there is the Fourteenth, a Noah, inside him, who is waiting for his moment to awake. No, Link-kun, exactly because we are so week, we can't allow spies and dangerous elements between our disciples. That's why General Cross was eliminated and that's why his disciple will suffer the same end." Link had to do his best not to tremble at the idea.

" Besides that," Leverrier added in a lighter tone, " we are not so weak as you think, Inspector Link. We have the third exorcist with us, and the second too. They are not indifferent in the balance of this war." He stared at Link in a meaningful way and the Inspector nodded obediently.

Then the blond added: " My Commandant… May I ask you something? You've not to answer me, I just want to say it out loud. May I?"

" Of course Link-kun. You're my best subordinate after all." He said in a puzzled tone. Link bowed deeply at the compliment.

" I have the impression, my Commandant, that you're hiding something. Though all the reasons you've listed are true, I have the impression there is something more, a reason far more dangerous and important, that made you act with such haste against Walker. Who wants Allen Walker dead, my Commandant?" Link dared to ask, at last. He remained bowed; he didn't want to meet his superior's gaze.

There was silence after the Inspector had ended his monologue, complete silence, full of anxiety and tension. Link began to think that he had done wrong asking so directly. He had been too brave.

Then, to his surprise, Leverrier started to answer him, but he didn't seem himself: his voice was lower than usual, there was no trace of arrogance: his voice was shaking!

" As always, you've guessed well, Link-kun. Since you have understood so much, I'll answer you, but do not ask anything more, nor now, nor in future. It's for your own safety. The less you know about these things, the best it is for you."

At those words, Link rose up his gaze, but Leverrier was looking away, out of the window, at something that was not there.

" It is the Pope himself that wants Allen Walker dead, Link-kun, the Pope himself. Do not ask me why, I do not know, but so it is."

The inspector eyes flashed open at hearing such a thing, but said nothing. He couldn't trust his tongue to speak. Then, after a while, noticing that it would have been rude to leave without a word, he said:

" Thank you, my Commandant, your trust his honouring me more than I ever dared to hope." He bowed again and left, adding nothing more.

Meanwhile, Leverrier had kept on looking out of the window. In his hand he still held the letter Link had given him.

The two names that were written upon it were:

_Chaoji Han_

_Yuu Kanda _

* * *

Headquarters, training room, morning.

" Kanda-chan! I knew I'd find you here!"

" Hi, Angel…" the swordsman sighed with resignation. Now he could say goodbye to his idea of a peaceful morning spent meditating. And infact…

" Why are you sighing so? Aren't you happy to see me?"

" Oh, yes, so happy…" he replied with sarcasm.

" You're cruel, Kanda-chan! I've come there to spend a little time with you and you chase me away like this! That's ok, I'm leaving!"

An hand held her back: " Did I say that you could leave?"

" Kanda-chan," Angel raged, " you insulted me and showed clearly that you don't want me around, so, I'm leaving." Her expression was so determinate and her face was even more beautiful when she was angry. Kanda made a grin:

" I've changed my mind. Remain here." He asked and it wasn't an order. Angel shuddered with rage.

" _Is he making fun of me?"_ she thought while she was sitting down beside him, still angry.

" That's why you don't have a girlfriend!" she commented

" What makes you think I don't have a girlfriend?" He provoked her. Angel's eyes widened in surprise:

"Do you have one?"

" Why do you want to know?" Kanda began feeling a little uneasy now.

" Just answer!"

Silence.

" Kanda-chaaaaan…" she singed childishly.

" What do you want?"

" Answer me!"

The man sighed: " No, I don't have a girlfriend."

Silence again.

"That's strange…" Angel commented after a little while, " Wherever you go, girls always look at you, but you don't have a companion… that's strange… I fear it's my fault." She added finally and Kanda blushed. What the Hell was she thinking?

" Maybe girls are afraid you're already mated seeing you always with me…" she said and the swordsman relaxed. He sighed with relief: he had feared she had strange ideas in mind.

He didn't know hat the worst part hadn't come yet.

" But I'm happy of this!" Angel exclaimed all of a sudden making Kanda yell a loud: " WHAT?"

" I'm glad that you don't have a girlfriend and I devilishly like the idea of girls being scared by me."

" WHY???"

" Because I'd hate you thinking about other women and forgetting about me." She declared innocent, her voice a bit sad as if she really feared that to happen.

" Oh, that's impossible." Kanda assured her with a serious expression.

" Really?" she asked hopefully with wide eyes.

" Of course. How can I forget you if you're always here pissing me off?!" he smiled, but…

" Kanda-chan!" the woman raged and hit him making him loose balance, " You're always naughty to me!"

" It's not that I'm naughty with you, it's only that I'm a bastard with everyone."

" You've said it!" she confirmed

Kanda smiled devilishly, then, suddenly, his expression changed completely becoming serious and painful. If Angel hadn't known him so well, she would have bet he was going to cry.

" Kanda-chan," she asked, " what's wrong? You're so pale, all of a sudden…"

" That's nothing."

" Kanda-chan." She warned him wearing her most threatening expression. He gave up:

" It's only that I had forgotten it."

" What?"

" The words you said to me… I've already listened to them, from another person, long ago."

" Who was she?"

" How do you know it's a _'she'_?" he asked surprised

Angel rolled her eyes: " You may call it female intuition."

" She was my sister." He confessed at last. " You know, sometimes you resemble her a lot, not in the appearance, but… the way you act, the things you say…"he smiled slightly

" Where is she now?" Angel asked with a dreaming look. She was not ready for the answer that Kanda gave her:

" She is dead." He said and there was something hard and fierce in his painful voice, but he didn't even blink. Angel was shocked: she hadn't expected such an answer.

" I- I'm sorry" she whispered and didn't dare to ask more. Kanda didn't move a finger.

" She was very jealous and protective over me. You shouldn't act like her. Do not affectionate to me." He said looking straight in front of him, his eyes closed again.

" Sorry," Angel tried weakly to smile, " but it seems that I can't do otherwise." She rose on her feet and surprisingly kissed his forehead before leaving the room.

" Don't dare." Kanda whispered to her while she was going away. She heard him and said nothing.

* * *

North America Headquarters of the Black Order, Laboratory, afternoon.

Renee Epstein, Supervisor of the North American science branch, was worried.

In front of her, bound to special elettronical technologies were her last creations: the third exorcists. It was a control of routine, nothing more, and yet Renee was worried.

The third exorcists were half- akuma beings whose DNA had been altered, so they needed uninterrupted controls to verify that there hadn't been any strange reaction to the new genome.

Until then, nothing serious had happened, nothing that could put at risk the life of the specimens, but yet Renee wasn't sure, she couldn't calm down that strange anxiety: examining all the data she had got from the controls, she had discovered something unique in the mutation of the nerves. It was something without precedents and no one could tell what would have happened when this umpteenth mutation would have ended.

Rene gave the signal and the computer started to absorb data from the specimens and to analyze them. The scientist studied them carefully: the mutation was going on with its course, but there were not signs of this in the external appearance of the specimens. They didn't seem to react in any way to what was happening within their bodies.

" _I'll say nothing of this for now, there is no reason to do so," _ Renee thought observing her subordinates who were freeing the specimens, _" But I'll ask to Madarao and the others if they noticed anything strange about their fighting abilities. That's all I can do for now." _She concluded.

She went straight to her personal office and the third exorcists followed her in silence, as they always did after the controls.

" How are we going?" Kiredori asked, an annoyed look on her childish features. She was only fourteen when she had been transformed and now she would have kept that young aspect for as long as she would have lived. Renee found this frightening, but it seemed that the little one didn't notice this; she hadn't ever seemed upset by that fact.

…_Forever young…_

Maybe someone could find beautiful this idea, but Renee couldn't help, but be terrified of what they had done to Kiredori: her body wouldn't have grown, no matter how many years could pass, but her brain, her conscience… that was another matter. What would happen if she ever realized how terrible her fate was? For now, she seemed uncaring of it, but she was so young, she couldn't understand completely what they had done to her, not still… but one day she would.

Lost in these thoughts, Renee forgot to answer to Kiredori's question and she remained in silence until the young half-akuma shouted: " Are you ignoring me? Don't dare, or I'll…"

She was so quick at anger. Renee interrupted her:

" I'm sorry, I was just lost in my thoughts. There is nothing wrong with you guys, don't worry, nothing abnormal."

"Nothing abnormal except us." Tokusa tried to joke with a half-smile. No-one laughed, but Renee gave him a weak smile in reply. She really didn't know how to act.

" Anyway, I have to ask you," the scientist went on, " only to be sure, if you have noticed anything strange lately. Is everything going as usual or do you felt something changing?"

The third exorcists gazed at each other, then Madarao answered for everyone: " We didn't notice anything strange. Maybe the data don't agree with our report?"

" No, no," Renee answered quickly, " it was just to ask." The answer had come too quickly, she was hiding something, and this was obvious to everyone, but the scientist who didn't realize how ridiculous her behaviour had been.

" Can we go to our rooms now?" Kiredori asked with the same impatience of before. She too seemed to hide something, but she would have never admitted it. Anyway, Renee didn't notice this and answered:

" Yes, of course, you may go." She pointed at the door with a tired gesture and the third exorcists left in a hurry.

* * *

"Goushi, why didn't you say anything? She may help you, you know?" Tevak asked to her giant companion who was laying on his bed, trembling.

" You know perfectly well why he didn't say anything!" Kiredori scolded her, " For the same reason why we all kept our mouths shut!"

" Kiredori's right," Tokusa said, " Renee may decide to help us as well as to destroy us, you know: she would declare that we are putting the Order in danger with our very existence and then they would sent exorcists to destroy us."

Kiredori looked at both surprised, then she directed her sad gaze towards Goushi and knelt beside him, brushing tenderly his hair away from his face. If she hadn't appeared so ridicusly small against the enormous figure of her friend, she would have seem a mother worried for her ill son.

But Goushi was actually ill and nobody knew why or what to do.

It had begun as a strong headache, nothing to worry, _"just sleep and it will pass away"_ they had said to him, but it hadn't passed. It had become stronger, instead, at each day, driving him into the confuse land of madness where nothing seems right or wrong, where nothing is certain, not even your very existence.

He had been like this for a month now and nothing had changed, the pain Goushi felt was only more unbearable and he was always weaker, always nearer to madness. There were moments when somehow he seemed to manage it, but there were other moments when pain was too intense for him to pretend that he was all right. And now the crises were always more frequent: this was the second in a week.

Madarao looked at his ill companion. They had been friends, once, when they were still human, before Tevak had entered in their life. Then everything had changed: they had become rivals, both trying to conquer her love, no matter what. Tevak… so beautiful and gentle, she appeared so weak in that slender, little body, and yet she was the strongest among them. She had her certainties, her values, she believed in them and this gave her the strength to face all the horrors she had seen since she had become a guinea-pig for experiments.

Madarao remembered very well the day when he had discovered that his parents had sold his sister, Kiredori, to the Black Order and when, the same day, he had found out that Tevak had chosen the same destiny on her own will. His sister and his lover were condemned. There was nothing that Madarao could have done for them, but to follow them on that sinful path. He had worked in the Black Order, he knew what they would have done to them, and he couldn't leave those two alone since he loved them both, though in different ways.

Yet, he couldn't thought of himself as someone "good": if Tevak and Kiredori were obliged to become _"monsters"_, as everyone called them, he and Goushi had chosen it on their own free will for one selfish reason: to remain near to those they loved. If something even worse had to happen to one of them, it was right that it would happen to him or Goushi: they were the only sinners, the only real monsters, or so Madarao thought, at least. That's why he couldn't feel any pity towards his suffering companion laying on the bed. They had chosen it freely, knowing what they were getting themselves into, and now they had to face the consequences. It was only normal, there was no need for pity.

But Tevak didn't thought this way: to her everyone in the world needed to be pitied, even them, and that was why she was crying for Goushi now, knelt beside him, but the giant exorcist couldn't notice her tears. The headache was driving him literally mad, he felt that he was loosing control of his own body.

Then he screamed.

* * *

Renee was analyzing the data she had gotten from the control. Everything seemed normal, but the mutation which was spreading always quicker across her specimen. Madarao and Kiredori was contrasting pretty well the new genome integrating it with their own, but the others, and Goushi in particular, weren't reacting so well. Was it possible that the mutation was having no consequences?

The answer to her question came a minute after when Kiredori slashed open the door of her office crying out in alarm: " Please, come! Goushi's ill!"

Renee didn't thought a second about it, but followed the little exorcist to the room where the specimen was.

* * *

Meanwhile, in the room, Tevak was pleading: " Goushi, calm down! It's nothing, doctor Epstein will come soon and she'll cure you! " she tried to say to him, but the big exorcist wasn't hearing her at all.

He was no longer able to control himself.

Madarao and Tokusa were forcing him on the bed, immobilizing him, but it required all their strength. It was a painful scene to look at and Tevak was secretly happy of her choice of sending Kiredori to Renee for help. At least, the little one wouldn't have to witness to this new horror.

She had just thought this when the door was opened and Renee entered in the room gasping, Kiredori behind her. The scientist opened her mouth to speak, but said nothing. She wasn't able to. The scene in front of her was worse than she had thought and there was nothing she could do in that moment to stop Goushi's delirium. She needed to take him in a place where he couldn't hurt himself and the others and where she could study him with calm to find a remedy.

She told so to the third exorcists and immediately Madarao used his cannibalism ability to suck out Goushi's energy while Tokusa and Tevak were keeping him unmoved on the bed. Their companion protested, tried to activate and to run away, but it was useless: little by little, as his energy was sucked out, his protest became always weaker and at last he finally fell on the bed, asleep, or so it seemed.

The men of the security came and took Goushi away, following Renee's instructions.

" It's over…" Tokusa whispered in such a low voice that Kiredori could hardly hear him. What was over? She asked to herself: _" Is he talking about this fight, about Goushi, or did he mean that this is the beginning of the end for us all?"_ She wondered, bus she didn't dare to give whatever answer.

It was too painful.

* * *

**Author's notes--- **_**Here starts the metamorphosis…**_

**The title of this free space has a meaning this time XD**

**It's referred to almost all the characters because this is a turning point for them all: Link, Leverrier, Kanda, Cassandra, the third exorcists… nothing would be the same for them after this, they've started to change. For some of them this changing will be positive, for others it will turn out dramatically, but there would be time to explain all this if you readers will keep on reading this story!**

**I enjoyed writing this chapter because I found it interesting from the beginning to the end and I'm happy that I could make the third exorcists appear again… I gave some other hint about their past too…**

**Now, as always, ****I beg you to REVIEW! I want reviews, I want reviews, I want reviews!!!**

_**Trailer of the next chapter**_**: **

**I tell you only that it's all Kanda/Angel centred. If there is some fan of this mad-possible-couple then tell me!!! I love them…**

**Someone maybe has noticed that now I call Cassandra "Angel". I've been obliged to do so to distinguish the two personalities that share her body. Cassandra is the "goddess", the beautiful and powerful woman Kanda had met in Rome, Angel is the childish, annoying, helpless one. The funny thing is that Kanda is deeply touched by both these two though in different ways… Poor Kanda, since next chapter life will be a Hell for him…**

**VOTE THE POLL!**

**LET ME KNOW EVERYTHIG THAT CROSS YOUR MIND ABOUT THIS STORY, THIS CHAPTER, THE CHARACTERS… EVERYTHING!!!**

**AND VOTE THE POLL ON MY PROFILE****!**

… **Next upload on 15.01.10…**

**Love you all…**

**--****Eris92--**

**Rome, 20.12.09 **


	15. Chapter 15 Past hunts you down

**VOTE THE POLL!**

**This is one of my favourite chapters, you know?? All Kanda and Angel centred…XD Hope you like it! **

**While writing the last part of the chapter I got inspiration from the first manga I ever read: Hana-kimi ( Hanakazari no kimitachi e) by Hisaja Nakajo… It was so fun****ny! Writing these pages, I was continuously thinking about it… So don't be surprised if the end of the chapter reminds you of that manga…**

**Soundtrack for this part**** were:**

" **Are you the one" by Within Temptation**

" **Forbidden lover" by Arc-en-ciel**

" **Freesia" and " Mirror" by Gackt **

**XV CHAPTER**- **PAST HUNTS YOU DOWN**

Headquarters, morning.

It was ten o'clock in the morning, and Kanda was still sleeping, trying to recover from the exhaustion of a sleepless night, when the sudden sound of people shouting awoke him. Between the voices he recognised those of Angel, Komui and Lenalee, but why were they arguing?

He was curious to know and uncertain on how to act until he heard Komui asking harshly:

" Last night you weren't in you room! I'm ordering you to tell me where you were! What have you done? "

" Who told you that I wasn't in my room? "

" Don't joke with me, Angel! You are in a very suspicious position! "

" I've asked you who tells that I wasn't in my room? "

" I say it! I came to your room with Lenalee last night because we had things to communicate you some news and we couldn't find you! I'll ask you one last time: where were you? "

" That's nothing of your business! "

" That's nothing of my business? Do you understand that you're under suspicion of treason?"

" Fortunately I'm not stupid, but thank you for clarifying it! "

" Angel, if you don't tell me the truth I'll be obliged to imprison you."

" Do it."

At this point, Kanda emerged from his room and said: " Stop with this already, Komui. She is innocent. She was with me last night. "

As soon as he said it, everyone in the corridor blushed with embarrassment, but Angel who sighed in annoyance. Kanda had not thought that his words would have been misunderstood by the others.

" I mean… " He stammered out blushing slightly, "She was with me in the training room. I'm training her to self-defence! " At these words every male in the room sighed with relief, but Angel seemed annoyed and worried at the same time: did she put Kanda in troubles with the training-matter? She thought so and infact…

" Kanda-kun, what do you mean by this? " Komui began to scold him " I ordered that she had to stay calm, I commanded that she had to do nothing, but relax, and not only she disobeyed me, but you helped her too, against the orders? What's happening to you, Kanda-kun? " Komui was astonished. Meanwhile, a lot of people was coming to see the unusual show of Kanda breaking the rules and being scold by Komui in front of everyone.

" Yes, I did it." Kanda replied with calm. He wasn't going to make a show in front of everyone.

" She was unhappy and in danger, helpless as she was, and I was tired of seeing her in trouble, that's why I decided to train her so that she could defend herself from humans, at least."

" What did you mean by being in danger? We are inside the Order: who can threaten her here?" Komui asked confused.

" I mean exactly what I've said. There was always someone stalking her wherever she was going and she asked me to help her, since you didn't want to." He said accusing the Supervisor, " Now, if you excuse us, Komui-san, we'd like to go. Angel hasn't slept much this night and she has to rest."

Kanda said this and took Angel away, guiding her to her room.

* * *

Without expecting an answer from anyone, Kanda took Angel's arm and carried her away. He didn't even look at her in the face.

He just wanted to take her away from the gaze of all the people who had gathered in the corridor to gossip about her and judge them.

He wanted to take her away from that idiot of Komui who was now too used to give orders to understand human nature anymore. It was easy for him to give orders as: " Stay calm, just relax and everything will turn out good", but what did he know of what it meant for strong people to be helpless? How could he want to protect the exorcists then he didn't understand them? Stupid Komui. Yes, Kanda thought, he would have taken Angel away from this useless people who knew nothing.

The swordsman was so concentrated on his purpose that he hadn't even look at the woman to see if she agreed with him, until she raged: " Let go of me! ".

Only then he realized what he had done.

The scientists and Komui were stupid and arrogant because they believed that they could control her and give her orders, but he had been more stupid than them, because even knowing how strong and proud she was, even knowing how bad she felt at being controlled, even so, he had done the same of that stupid Komui: he had taken her away from her "battlefield" without her consent, pretending that it was for her good.

" WHO AUTHORIZED YOU TO TAKE ME AWAY IN THAT WAY WITHOUT EVEN ASKING? " she shouted at him with fury as soon as they arrived in her room. He didn't answer. He didn't know what to say. Would it have had any meaning if he had asked her to forgive him? No, it would have been useless and, besides that, he had sworn to never ask for forgiveness to anyone.

" WHY NO-ONE EVER LETS ME DECIDE FOR MYSELF? " she went on, " WHY DOES EVERYONE CLAIM THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE FOR ME? I'M NOT YOUR DOLL! "

It was all true, too true for Kanda to deny it. In his blindness, he had been so sure of what would have been the right thing for her that he had completely forgotten her feelings. He had wronged her. He had hurt her. Maybe he should have felt sorry for this, but the truth was that he wasn't feeling anything. Regret? Pain? These emotions were unknown to him. For all his life, the only thing he had known was his duty and nothing else; after all he was a machine, a weapon created in laboratory. A weapon doesn't need emotions: it has its duty to carry on and that's all.

Now Angel was shouting at him and he was feeling nothing. Absolutely nothing.

" DO YOU UNDERSTAND? I'M NOT YOUR PUPPET; YOU CAN'T DO WHAT YOU WANT OF ME! "

He was feeling nothing.

" DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT I'M A CUTE DOLL THAT YOU CAN MANIPULATE AS YOU PLEASE? I HATE YOU! "

Oh, she was crying now. How strange, he had never seen her crying before. It was interesting to see how tears could make her even more fascinating. But he still felt nothing. Her tears, her beautiful, desperate face, they wouldn't work on him. Because he was a weapon and a weapon doesn't need emotions. A weapon doesn't need a heart.

" I HATE YOU ALL! YOU ARE SO ARROGANT, JUST SO SELFISH, BUT THE TRUTH IS THAT YOU UNDERSTAND NOTHING AT ALL! " she fell on her knees, sobbing and shouting at the same time:

" I HATE YOU, I HATE THIS PLACE, THIS ORRIBLE BUILDING WHICH SEEMS THE MAINOR OF A VAMPIRE! THERE ARE GHOSTS HERE, THEY TALKS TO ME AT NIGHT, BUT I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THEM! THEY SCARE ME! I DON'T WANT MEN LOOKING AT ME WITH THOSE GREEDY EYES, I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO LOOK AT ME! "

Kanda observed her shouting all she had suffered since her arrival at the Headquarters and said nothing. He wouldn't have comforted her. After all, he was feeling nothing, wasn't he? Why should he have cared for a troublesome woman like her? He wasn't feeling pity for her, wasn't he?

" THIS LONG HAIR, I HATE THEM TOO! THEY'RE NOT MINE; THEY BELONG TO YOUR CASSANDRA, AS EVERYTHING ELSE, NOT TO ME! "

She took a pair of scissors and cut her hair with violence, in the most cruel of the ways, the shorter that she could.

" DO YOU SEE? I'M NOT A BEAUTIFUL DOLL, I'M NOT _YOUR_ DOLL! " She cried out with a mad look on her face

" I HATE EVEN THIS VERY BODY WHICH IS NOT MINE! IT BELONGS TO HER! IT'S HER THE ONE YOU ALL WANT, NOT ME! "

She raged scratching her own bare arms with the long nails of her hands until they were almost covered in blood. Kanda observed her. He wasn't going to stop her from hurting herself, wasn't he?

Then, why was he kneeling beside her? Why was he embracing her tightly to avoid her to move and to hurt herself? Why was he desperately trying to find something, everything, to say so that she would have stop crying?

She sobbed within his arms for a while, enjoying the warm feeling of being embraced by someone you love, an emotion that she had never known, dreaming that at the end everything would have been all right, as for magic.

" Kanda-chan? " she asked

" Yes? "

" I don't hate you."

" I know." He smiled " Now calm down. I won't ever decide for you again. I promise".

A promise was far much better than an excuse. She nodded.

They remained like this, in silence, for a while, and then Angel excused herself:

" I'm sorry, Kanda-chan."

" Don't worry."

" It's not only for what I've done now. I'm sorry because I've only deceived you until now." At these words Kanda let her go:

" What are you saying?" He asked astonished.

" I was terrified and I didn't dare to confess what I had discovered to anyone, not even to you. I feared you would have told this to Komui and the others. I've been hiding a very important thing to you." She confessed with shame.

" What?"

" Two weeks ago, while we were fighting, I realized that I've regained my powers back. The first time I'll use them I'll regain my memories too."

" But that's wonderful! Why didn't you tell me?" Kanda was still astonished

" Because… because I don't want them back!"

" Y-You don't want them back?"

" Kanda-chan, when I realized that my powers were back I understood another thing too: when I'll use them, when I'll regain my memories, in that moment, I'll VANISH!" she cried out in horror.

" What do you mean by "vanish"?" he asked. He was feeling as if something was missing, he couldn't understand her words.

" I mean that this body will return to its righteous owner, the woman you met in Rome, and this personality of mine will vanish forever, as if I never existed. The soul within this body in this very moment, my soul, will disappear! It will be eliminated and replaced by Cassandra's."

Kanda was too confused and amazed to say something and kept on gazing at her with an astonished look. He fought to regain his self-control and then he slowly asked:

" Angel, are you sure of what you're saying? How can you be so sure of your powers having come back if you have never tried to use them? And how do you know that your soul will vanish? You said that you've realized it, but how?" he asked rationally. She gave a small laugh without any trace of happiness and then said:

" Kanda-chan, I can sense the power run through my veins, trust me, it's impossible not to feel it, and, besides that, would you believe me… would you believe me if I told you that '_she_' speaks to me?" She hesitated.

" It's frightening… Sometimes I hear _'her'_ voice in my head. _She_'s driving me mad! _She_ wants to drive me mad, _she_ hates me because I'm occupying _her_ body."

" Calm down!" Kanda ordered, " Who is _'she' _? "

" She is the real owner of this body, the one you all call _'Cassandra' _, but she said that I can't call her by that name, she said that I can't call _her _at all. It's _her_ the one who appears in my head all of a sudden saying nasty things to me."

Kanda blinked. When he thought about Cassandra, the goddess, he thought of a harsh woman full of sadness. He couldn't imagine her saying nasty things to an innocent girl as Angel.

" So she told you that you can use your powers, but that this will cause your disappearance?" the swordsman asked.

" Not my powers, _hers_." Angel answered depressed.

Kanda sighed: " Well, then I guess that this can't be helped."

" Will you tell this to Komui-san and the others?" she asked as a child who fears to be scolded by her parents.

" No."

The girl gazed at Kanda doubting of what she had heard, " Even if I told them," the swordsman explained, " it wouldn't change anything, so why should I? If they knew this they would probably force you to evoke or abandon you if you refuse. Do you want one of this two to happen?"

Angel shook her head with a childish, innocent gesture.

" Then we won't say nothing to them and we'll wait for what will happen next." Kanda declared with a stern voice. " Now you have to take care of these brushes. Come, I'll take you to the infirmary."

" I won't come." She stated stubbornly.

" Angel!" the swordsman warned her, but she soon replied: " If the nurse sees me like this, she'll ank a lot of question. Please, Kanda-chan, can't I cure my arms by myself?" she pleaded him.

The man nodded sighing: " I'll take the bandages. Meanwhile do something for your hair!" he ordered and went away.

Angel turned towards the near mirror: her hairs, once so long and beautiful, were now so short that there was nothing she could do about them. The only thing was to cut those locks that were a bit longer, so that they would seem all of the same length.

Angel gave a hopeless look to her silhouette reflected in the mirror. Her body was still perfect, even though the bloody scratches on her arms, it was the most beautiful thing she had never seen. She hated that body. Her hairs instead were now terrible, as if she had just come out of the jungle. She liked them.

When she had told Kanda that she hated that body she had said the truth: she couldn't think about that amount of bones and flesh as her own, she could not recognize herself in the perfect features reflected in the mirror.

She felt like an intruder in that body: it was too beautiful, too perfect, unnatural, with that two devilishly eyes of different colours. She had heard people gossiping at her back of that strangeness, saying that she must have been a devil. Stupid superstition! Yes, her eyes were one green and the other gold, and then?

She hated that body: it made her felt as if she wasn't human. That's why she had been so satisfied to scratch that arms and destroy that hair: It was _her_ revenge on that evil body and its real owner. She would have liked so much to destroy it completely, to burn it into ashes, but if she did so she would have died and she absolutely didn't want to.

Then Kanda returned with he bandages and his presence put an end to her morbid thoughts.

* * *

That night Kanda didn't catch any sleep. He had clarified things with Komui, calmed down Angel and sent her to her room, but he couldn't sleep.

He kept on thinking over and over about what Angel had told him that morning and he couldn't help, but felt anguish at the idea of her vanishing. A little part of him started to hate Cassandra for being an eternal treason to Angel.

That girl… sometimes he felt for her as if she was a little sister, so naïve, so helpless, annoying and adorable at the same times, but other times his feelings were completely different, a little too much different, not brotherly at all.

He was still thinking about this when heard someone knocking at his door. He rose up, opened the door, and Angel literally fell between his arms.

" Kanda-chan!" she cried out in horror, " Look! Just look!"

At the beginning the swordsman didn't notice anything, then his eyes widened in surprise as he realized what was wrong: her hair! They were just as long as they had been before she had cut them! Her silky, brown-reddish hair was long again till her knees. They had grown again in half a night.

" How can this be?" the swordsman whispered more to himself than to her.

" It's _her_!" Angel cried out, " _She_ hates me, I've told you, she wants to drive me mad!" her eyes were wide in terror, her entire body was trembling. She had never been that frightened.

" Come inside before you wake up the whole Order." Kanda ordered her looking around to find out if someone had seen them.

There was none.

Angel entered in the desolate room. The only furniture was a single bed of red wood and a chair which seemed on the point of breaking. On the chair was placed a sphere with a big, pink lotus flower inside. It was such a strange thing for Kanda to have, but Angel didn't even notice it, upset as she was.

She was frightened, as frightened as she had never been in her short life, it was a hard task even to hold the tears back. Anyway, if se had expected Kanda to comfort her, she had been wrong.

He observed her for a moment with absolute calm and then he ordered:

" Stop sobbing already or I'll throw you out of here."

Those were cruel words to say, especially to a frightened woman who had come to ask for his help, but somehow they worked: Angel didn't seem able to raise her gaze to meet his, but she stopped trembling immediately. Slowly her breathing returned to normal levels.

" Good. Now sit on the bed and calm down." Kanda ordered again. She obeyed in silence and the swordsman took place on the chair in front of her with nonchalance, but is eyes were cold and cruel as when he was on the battle field. Angel didn't miss it.

" What happened?" Kanda asked harshly. Angel didn't answer; she only kept on staring at him with wide eyes. The swordsman lose his patience: " Answer me!" he raged and she shuddered as if he had awaken her from a nightmare.

" Kanda-chan…" she murmured again observing him as if it was he first time that she saw him.

" Tell me exactly everything that has happened." he ordered

" I was sleeping, I was having a nightmare," she confessed with a dreaming-like expression, " and in front of me there was _her_ inside _this_ body and, Kanda-chan, both her eyes were green! I was trapped somewhere, I don't know where, but I couldn't move, nor see in what kind of body I was. I was terrified and _she_ was laughing at me saying that I was a fake, a body thief, something useless that soon will be returned to the place it belongs to: the nothing. And then…" she stopped and looked towards Kanda, unable to speak.

" And then?" the swordsman asked harshly for the anxiety. There was no response from Angel's part. He took her for the shoulders and shook her a little:

" What, Angel? What happened?"

" Let go of me!" she shouted freeing herself from his hold, " Don't look so fierce on me!" she pleaded. Kanda was surprised and a bit shocked: she had never been upset by his harsh attitudes before.

" Angel," he began more gently, " what has happened then?"

" Then you appeared beside her and you looked down at me with the same disgusted look of before. You said that I was useless and that the only reason why you had helped me was that you wanted to please '_her'_ . You said that you hated me, that the only one who mattered for you was Cassandra." She murmured with slight embarrassment.

Kanda sighed with relief: he had thought something serious to have happened and instead it was only a matter of childish jealousy.

" _She really is something like a child," _he thought, _" just look at her, a lonely child that fears to be abandoned! She wants to e free and independent and yet, here she is, searching for comfort and love. What a stupid child!"_ he smiled slightly without noticing and said:

" It was just a dream. I don't think that you're useless, nor I'd abandon you, ok?"

" But it seemed so real…" she protested, depressed.

" Only because it represented your biggest fears." He explained and this time Angel didn't deny it.

" And then," the swordsman added, " if you really thought that I despite you, why did you come here?"

" I had to see you with my own eyes to know the truth. And, besides that, I didn't have any other place where I could go."

" That's not true: you could have gone to Lenalee's room." Kanda stated simply. At this words Angel made a terrified face:

" To Lenalee? Are you mad?"

" Why?" he asked surprised.

" She is just so… suffocating with all her attentions!" she tried to explain. Kanda almost laughed at such a truthful portrait o their "friend". They both smiled and the tension vanished.

"Are you still frightened?" the swordsman asked.

" A bit," she admitted, " fear never leaves me completely because I know that it's only a matter of time. I know that it wasn't only a dream, I'd like it to be so, but it's not. I know for when I awoke my hairs were like this. That's no coincidence: that's a sign, _she_'s regaining control of this body and soon _she_'ll make me vanish. _She_ wants me to know that she hates me and that she will be the one to destroy me." Angel said and, though her voice was neutral, Kanda could perceive the fear within her gaze.

" I fear everything," she confessed, " I think that every moment may be the last, I can't even sleep anymore. This time were my hairs, but what will happen next time?" she asked as if she was really hoping him to have a reasonable answer, but Kanda stood silent. What could he say or do? He wasn't used to this kind of situation! A beautiful, frightened woman with a sexy-dynamite body and the mind of a child was in his room, in the middle of the night, asking for his help. What was he supposed to do? ( Author: Poor Kanda… I'm tormenting him…XD)

Fortunately, Angel's words came to help him: " Kanda-chan, may I sleep here tonight?"

Ooooopssss…. Did I say that her words would have helped him?

Kanda blushed violently, his mind wandering on forbidden dreams, then he ordered himself to calm down. The idea was just so tempting…

He could not say: "No", but he wasn't calm at all at the thought of having her sleeping in the same room. If he had had some doubt before, now he knew for sure that he wouldn't have caught any sleep that night.

" That's ok," he sighed at last, " I'll sleep on the chair." He stated simply, not expecting the protest which followed:

" No, no! That's your room, Kanda-chan, you can't sleep on the chair!"

" Do you have any alternative?" he challenged her clearly annoyed. He shouldn't have said this, he realized it as soon as he ended the sentence, but it was too late:

" Of course," she declared, " I'll sleep on one side of the bed and you on the other." Her voice was natural as if what she had said was obvious. Kanda stared at her searching for any sign that could reveal that she was actually enjoying her chance to torment him, but there was none. Her gaze was clear and innocent.

Could it really be that she was unable to realize in which kind of situation she had gotten herself into? If there had been anyone else at Kanda's place she would have been in serious troubles, did she understand this? The swordsman doubted.

He was going to plead her with words as: " Please, for the sanity of my mind, let me sleep on the chair!" , but he gave up before trying, knowing that it was useless: she wouldn't have understand and, besides that, it was a speech too uncool to say for his pride to bear. She really was a child, even too much for his liking…

It ended with the two exorcists sleeping on the same bed, one turned right, the other left.

Obviously, in less than ten minutes Angel was sleeping soundly, but Kanda couldn't say the same about himself. He was paralyzed: he didn't dare to move in fear that he could wake her up.

" _What a situation…"_ he thought, " _That's just absurd! It's absurd that I have to fear that woman, I can't be frightened by her, I absolutely can't. Now I'll turn and…"_ His thoughts were stopped by uncertainty: he would do what?

Kanda shuddered in annoyance: _" I'm losing my mind. I don't have to think about her. Though her body being what it is, her mind is that of a child."_ He mentally said trying to convince himself, _"Someone helps me…"_ he pleaded in his thoughts looking at the wall in front of him.

In that moment, Angel spoke in her sleep: " Kanda-chan…" she whispered.

Thinking that she was awake, the swordsman turned towards her to see what was wrong, but he found her face dangerously near. He tried to draw back, but only to discover that she had hugged his arm. Now she was so near that he could feel every form of her body against his. Her lips seemed so soft, her face so innocent in the sleep…

He panicked; he was loosing control, and drew back so violently that he fell off of the bed. He rose up with pain cursing himself and sat on the chair, his back still aching. He had known it would have ended like this since the very start!

He sighed. That woman… She wasn't simply complicated; she was an ocean of troubles! There was something evil in her, she was his personal nightmare!

He mentally shouted some insult of the kind towards her, and then he fell asleep, exhausted, cursing all the women of the world, especially those who were able to be sexy even in their sleep.

* * *

**Author's notes__ ****My dark side is singing its evil song****__**

**Sooo??? **

**There would be a lot to say about this chapter ALL Kanda and Angel centred … Obviously I love this even if I fear I have exaggerated in the end… I wanted to portrait a Kanda who is not that good with women, tough he's handsome… He doesn't know how to act in their presence, he's uneasy… Especially when THIS woman is around. XD It was funny to write this, but let's comment this chapter from the beginning: **

**-the first two scenes with Kanda taking Angel away from the others with a paternal/ jealous instinct and her exaggerated reaction. I wanted to represent a fragile Angel who knows that she's helpless and yet she doesn't want to run away from troubles, as the others always make her do. **

**She believed Kanda had understood it and instead he takes her away ignoring her will: in that moment he fails her and make her feel more alone than always. When she explodes it's because of all the pressure she has borne until that moment: Cassandra's threatening presence, her weakness, the solitude, the feeling she was betraying everyone with her silence about her other personality behaviour, the ghosts speaking to her ( this fact will be explained one day…)…**

**I fear I haven't showed well all this and that she may have appeared to the readers as a madwoman and a masochist. Hers it's desperation! **

**And what about her confession to Kanda, when she declares that if she uses the Innocence her soul will be annihilated by Cassandra? I'm making the goddess play the villain role…XD The triangle Kanda-Angel-Cassandra is very interesting to write about! But do you like it? **

**TELL ME WHAT DO YOU THINK, PLEASE!!!! **

**For what concerns the last part I've nothing to add… I'm becoming a fungirl, noooooo!!! But it was soooo funny to put Kanda through such an unusual situation… Next time it'd be Allen's time! **

**--PREVIEW OF THE NEXT CHAPTER—**

**The Noah family appears again and guess what? There's a new member… XD**

**And then be ready for a wonderful match: Kanda VS Leverrier… What will these two say to each other?**

**VOTE THE POLL ON MY PROFILE IF YOU WANT THIS STORY TO GO ON!!!**

**AND REVIEW!!!!!! **

**After all, if you have read this fic so far, you may review as well… ****I want to know exactly how many people reads this, so, please, leave a review, even if only to say: " I've read this."**

Goodnight to everyone…

--Eris92—

Rome, 15.01.2010


	16. Chapter 16 Choices

**Hi, people! Here we have the XVI chapter!!! ****It took me three days to write this, but I guess this is one of the chapters on which I worked the less, maybe because I enjoyed writing all this, and not only one part… Anyway… **

**After so much time, I decided that it was the right moment to introduce some new character and so we have two new-entries! I hope you'll like my version of those two… I love them, they came just as I imagined them ^^. Anyway, let me know everything that cross your head, ****I want REVIEWS!!!**

**Soundtrack for this chapter are, again, the Versailles with:**

" **Ascendead Master"**

" **Aristocrat's Symphony" ( This song always make me think about Noahs…)**

" **After Cloudia"**

" **Episode" .**

**Hope you like this! ^^**

CHAPTER XVI – CHOICES

_A desert street of London, Evening. _

Two dark silhouettes were advancing among the mist.

The first belonged to a tall man about forty. Though he wasn't young anymore, he was still handsome and his gaze shined of an intelligent light that made him appear a smart and sharp person. His clothes were elegant and probably expensive, but there was no sign of luxury in his appearance.

The same couldn't be told of his companion: she was only a little girl and yet she was far more noticeable than her companion with her silver boats and her blue cloak with jewels set upon it. On her hair rested a diadem of white gold. She was the perfect image of luxury and excess; whoever saw her walking proudly that night, among the streets of suburbia, couldn't help but think of her as a little spoilt princess.

And, indeed, so she was, a girl who didn't know the meaning of the word: "no". One could guess it just by her expression: self-confident, proud, satisfaction spreading all over her face when people looked at her with puzzled looks. Her features were regular and probably very beautiful, but there was something else about her, maybe the evil, acknowledged, light in her eyes, that made her appear ugly. People couldn't stand to look at her face.

And so, she and her middle-aged companion were walking slowly among the streets being barely noticed. At the end, they stopped in front of a villa: it was an ancient baroque building of three floors. The little girl made a gesture of agreement, as to say that the place was in her liking, and came forth, passing over the golden gate; it seemed to open by itself to let her pass.

Her companion followed her with a blank expression on his face; it was as if he wasn't really there, as if his mind were somewhere else. He didn't speak, he didn't give any sign of acknowledgement of the place, as his companion had done, but followed her blankly as a puppet.

It started to rain cats and dogs.

The little girl raised her face to welcome the sky's tears that were falling upon her face and smiled tenderly at the few stars still visible with rapture. She had always been surprised by how beautiful the nocturne sky could appear, but her ecstasy didn't last long because her companion shielded her from the rain with his own cloak. This brought her back to reality.

"We're finally here, Wise, aren't we?" she asked to him with a determinate, and yet anxious, expression.

" Yes, we're finally at home." He reassured her with a gentle smile, ruffling her reddish hair. Now his gaze was focused on her, tender and… amused?

The little girl threw his hand away with an annoyed gesture and took a deep breath before advancing. The door slashed open and she entered, his companion always following discretely her triumphant, arrogant, pace. Inside the entrance there was no-one to be seen, but this didn't surprise the two that kept on walking towards the big, heavy door at the end of the corridor. The way was illuminated by enormous crystal chandeliers. The little girl pointed at them:

" They weren't here last time!" she protested.

" Two centuries has passed, Lovely, you can't claim that everything had to be left as it was." Wise remembered her with his calm voice. This silenced her, but her expression was still annoyed.

The two passed over the main door and entered the living room and there they finally found what they were searching for.

" Good evening, everyone," Lovely began, " do you have some chair for two tired travellers?"

_Noahs' Manor, London, evening _

Road and the rest of his family were dining when Amatus began:

" Ehi, First, where are all the others?"

" Don't speak in that disrespectful way to the Millennium Earl!" Lulubell whispered angrily to him.

" I speak how I want to, don't tell me what I've to do!" the man replied and it would have ended in a fight if the Millennium Count hadn't stopped them:

" Calm down, calm down, my children, there's no need of fighting! Amatus' behaviour meant no offence and I'm not angry at all. Now, please, stop arguing." He asked with a great smile painted all over his face, but it was too late since the twins Jasdero and Debit had already started directing plates, and everything else they could get, against their blonde brother.

" What the fu** are you doing?" Amatus answered raising the whole table with a gesture to shield himself and throwing a glass against the twins which hit Jasdero on his forehead.

Meanwhile Lulubell had taken the Earl away to protect him, Tiky had joined the twins and Road had started laughing as if she was mad, supporting now Amatus, then Tiky.

In the middle of all this, the great door was slashed open and two newcomers made their entrance. They were Wise e Lovely.

The little one advanced triumphant in the room and exclaimed with confidence: " Good evening, everyone, do you have some chair for two tired travellers?".

The Noahs didn't even heard her voice above all the fuss they were doing, but Lovely got a least one of the two chair she had requested, even if not in the way she had expected to… Infact the chair Amatus had thrown against the twins had mysteriously avoided the target and hit her, instead. Lovely fell against Wise behind her and the two were literally thrown out of the room.

" Ouch…" Wise cried lowly under the weight of his companion, trying to understand what had happened.

" DAMN THEM!" Lovely raged raising on her feet and shouting the worst injuries she was capable of, " WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY DOING?!?"

She raised and walked towards the dining room furiously, leaving Wise on the floor complaining about his " old bones".

" Is this the way to welcome your brothers?!?" she shouted gazing terribly at the Noahs, but, again, they didn't heard her and Lovely wasn't a patient person: as we've already said, she was a little spoilt princess and if there was a thing that she couldn't tolerate was being ignored.

" You'll see! That's your punishment for having ignored me!" she raged forging blades from nowhere and directing them against her unconscious brothers and sisters.

Then, just when the first blade was going to stab Tiky, the weapons vanished in the air as they had come and everyone suddenly stopped fighting. To be exactly, everyone was immobilized the way he was by an unknown force and then the Earl advanced in the middle of the room with a quiet pace. The usual smile was still on his face, as always, but there was something in his eyes that betrayed that appearance of calm; indeed, he was very, very, angry.

" **Why can't I leave you alone for more than one second, my children? WHY are you always fighting? It's no good to try to harm your brothers, you know? Now I shall punish you… I'm very sorry of this, but I shall punish you all…" ** He paused and the very air seemed to be frozen by his voice. The twins shuddered as well as Road; Tiky and Amatus tried to pretend to be calm, but they failed.

" **You too, Lovely…" **The Earl turned towards the little Noah, **" You've just come back and you're already trying to stab your brothers? That is… unacceptable…"** Lovely shuddered in fear: her panic in front of the Earl's rage was the main reason because she left the family and decided to wander across the world with Wise. She seemed to be even smaller under the threatening gaze of the Earl, until someone spoke in her favour:

"Millennium Count, as you said, Lovely has just come back after a very long time of separation… She still hasn't got used to the rules. Please, forgive her for this time." Wise ended his speech with a deep bow, his left hands posed on the girl's shoulder in a reassuring way. There was a strange, quiet, dignity in his whole figure and in his way of act that remembered an English butler of the old times.

The Earl stared at him in silence for a moment.

" **For this time only…" **he declared,** " For this time only you all are forgiven, but next time you'll be punished, do you hear me?"** His voice echoed on the tall ceiling of the room and made him appear even more frightening and unnatural, and yet all the Noahs sighed in relief at the news and bowed their heads with submission and understanding. 

" **Since our supper is ruined,"** the Earl went on, **" I'll leave: I have more important things to do. Lulubell will come with me. You'll be alone this night: try not to stab each other in your sleep, if you can."** With these words the Count vanished bringing Lulubell along.

The Noahs were left alone in the dark room lightened only by Road's candles. Lovely was still trembling and she stopped only when Wise embraced her and she could hide her face in his chest. All her braveness and her arrogance were gone in front of the fear; her companion, instead, was as calm and firm as always, a protective brother completely subordinated to the desires of her little sister, or maybe a faithful servant.

Road observed them with a bit of envy: Lovely had Wise and vice versa, Jasdero and Debit were a single person in every sense, Tiky had his human friends, Lulubell was completely absorbed by her blind devotion to the Earl as Amatus was by his own perfection and his admirers.

Could it be that she was the only one who really was alone? The only one without an aim nor a light in her obscure life? She followed the Earl because she loved her family and because it was in her DNA to hate humans and Innocence, but she didn't had a deep relationship with anyone. No-one depended by her, no-one really needed her and so… she was alone, she was meaningless.

It hurt to have such thoughts, but she couldn't avoid them, they were there, just under the surface, always waiting for their chance to torment her, as they were doing in that moment.

" _I too want someone completely devoted to me, I too want someone to care for me and only me as Wise does with Lovely. I want someone that I know I can love freely and completely because he's __bounded to me with unbreakable bounds, yes, bounded to me, only to me… I want someone to be mine!" _ She thought desperately tightening her hold on the chair not to cry openly.

" _And yet it can't be just 'someone', he must be someone worth to love me and to be loved by me, someone exceptional, someone beautiful…" _She thought and her mind was suddenly filled of images of Allen Walker. Yes, that boy could work, Road nodded mentally at the idea, he was exactly the kind of person she wanted.

And she would have him, no matter what.

_Headquarters of the Black Order, Evening_

Someone knocked at the door of Leverrier's office.

Two knocks, briefs and regulars, severe.

The French Commandant smiled mischievously: he already knew who it was and he was waiting for that moment since the morning before.

" Come in." he said with a strange voice, almost gentle.

The door was opened quickly and Yuu Kanda entered in the room.

The swordsman advanced in the room until he was in front of the Commandant, then he stopped and remained unmoved, an emotionless expression painted all over his face. His dark eyes were unreadable and somehow threatening till their very essence.

" You may sit." Leverrier offered friendly, but the coldness in Kanda's gaze didn't change as he answered: " If you don't mind, I'd prefer to remain as I am."

Leverrier frowned, disappointed: Kanda's refusal meant clearly that he wasn't going to let the Commandant do as he pleased; he wasn't going to be his ally. Leverrier was very disappointed by this, and yet it would have been more than useless, it'd have been dangerous, to show anything that wasn't kindness to the swordsman, so he managed to smile.

After all, he still had an ace up in his sleeve…

" It's has been a long time since our last meeting isn't it?" Leverrier tried to begin, but Kanda didn't answered, he just kept on staring at him with those dark eyes.

" When it was?" Leverrier tried again.

" When it was what?" the swordsman answered coldly

" The last time we spoke to each other." The Commandant explained. He felt so uneasy: something in Kanda's behaviour suggested him that it was the wrong question, and indeed…

" It was nine years ago, when you gently informed me that my sister had been killed by the Order."

A lightening of rage and hatred passed across the black eyes of the exorcist and disappeared immediately, but Leverrier had seen it, he hadn't missed it, and he remembered very well that day when he told to the only survived guinea-pig of the second exorcist experiment that his twin sister had to be killed because she had lose her mind and she had become a threat for the others and for herself. The boy had cried, he had pleaded and pleaded the Commandant to tell him that it wasn't true, to let him see his sister's corpse, but he hadn't been allowed: _" It'd be too much a shock for you", _ he had been told.

Now the crying-baby of that time was in front of him, again, with the same black eyes of that day, and yet he didn't seem the same person. He had grown, he was a tall young man now, and his gaze was limpid, harsh, and unreadable.

Leverrier loved that kind of gaze: they were the eyes of that kind of strong people who doesn't let themselves to be struck by adversities, they go on, uncaring of misfortune and pain, struggling for what they think worthy, fighting in silence until they reach their aim.

Yes, Leverrier loved that kind of people, and yet he knew that they were the most dangerous for an organization as the Black Order because they will never be able to dedicate themselves to an idea. An idea can't be touched, an idea doesn't suffer, an idea doesn't love, and those as Kanda would have never been able to sacrifice themselves in the name of an empty, cold, unfeeling idea ( Author: quite a lot of quotations from " V for Vendetta" here… Sorry, but I couldn't stop myself…).

They long for passion, for love and strong emotions though they show none. An idea would never satisfy them, they can't believe in something so abstract and unreliable; their lust for passion and deep attachment can't be placated by something as ethereal and distant as an idea.

But ideas, beliefs, distant traditions and faith were the pillars of the Black Order, it had been founded on this kind of things, they were its mainstay, and those as Kanda were its worst enemies because they may be an ally today and an enemy tomorrow.

Yes, Leverrier liked Kanda, but he didn't trust him, he would have been a fool to do so.

" Oh, yes, I remember now…" The Commandant commented, " So, it was nine years ago, wasn't it?" . The exorcist didn't care, or maybe he didn't trust himself, to reply.

The silence fell for a long moment and nor Kanda, nor Leverrier seemed wilful to break it.

Then, at the end, the swordsman decided that he didn't have time to spare in his superior's office:

" Please, Commandant, don't think me so stupid as to believe you've called me to remember our dear past memories together…" Kanda's voice was sarcastic and a bit irreverent, but Leverrier was deeply amused by it. The swordsman was exactly as he had imagined.

" Infact," he confirmed, " I called you here for others, more important, reasons." He declared and stood in silence again, refusing to explain more until Kanda asked:

" And what are those _"more important"_ reasons?"

" You've surely heard of the Allen Walker affair," Leverrier began, " I'd like to hear your opinion about it."

Kanda arched his eyebrows holding back the instinct of laughing. The _Commandant_ wanted to hear _his_ opinion about_ Allen Walker_? It was just ridiculous.

" And what would you like to hear from me?" he asked and Leverrier smiled: finally the conversation was going in the right direction.

" You know, everywhere I go, people only talks about how kind and dear Walker is, but I don't trust them. It'd be strange for anyone to not have enemies and it's even stranger if this someone is suspected to be… a spy. And yet, I know that you use to argue frequently with Walker. May it be that you wasn't fooled by Walker's false mask and that you recognized the evil soul behind it?"

Now Kanda was really tempted to laugh. This was the most absurd, stupid, annoying speech he had ever heard.

How did he say? _" Walker's false mask"_? Ahahah…

Could they really have sunk this low? They had reached the rock-bottom now, no doubt of it.

" I don't see "masks" in the beanspro… ehm, in Walker's behaviour," the swordsman began, " but it's true that we do argue very often. I guess this is due to the great difference of our characters."

Leverrier frowned: " Are you sure? You never had a fight with him for what concerns the missions and Walker's way to acting during them?"

" No." Kanda lied. The beansprout surely wasn't his best friend, but, of course, he didn't want to be his hang man!

" No? Someone told me the opposite…" Leverrier commented in a casual tone.

Kanda stiffened a little, but his face remained emotionless. Who had told Leverrier about the mission at Martel? Link couldn't have told this to him, he didn't know anything about Martel! His confusion lasted only a few second and he soon decided that it didn't matter who else had been a spy for Leverrier, now for Kanda the problem was that he couldn't pretend anymore: he had to confess the truth or, at least, a part of it, and this wouldn't have had nice consequences for the beansprout.

" We had a fight at the beginning, it was our first mission together and we had different ways of thinking, but it was the first and last time that we argued for something concerning the missions. It was Walker's first task, it was natural for us to argue since he is an idealist. He couldn't accept that sometimes sacrifices are necessaries." Kanda explained.

" And that's all you have to say to me?" Leverrier asked, his voice growing irritated, " This is all you have to say against Allen Walker? I thought he was an enemy to you!" He shouted

" He's a companion." Kanda answered looking straight back at the Commandant. He was surprised to hear his very voice say such a thing. He was defending the beansprout? Definitively, there must have been something wrong with him, in the old times he wouldn't have ever said such words.

" A COMPANION?" Leverrier asked sarcastically, " A SPY, A TRAITOR, A NOAH: IS THIS WHAT YOU THINK AS A _COMPANION_?" Leverrier was shouting, clearly out of control, but Kanda's face remained unmoved, he didn't answer, he didn't even attempt to. It would have been useless: whatever he could say would have never been accepted by the Commandant. To eliminate Allen Walker was Leverrier's obsession or… or maybe there was something more behind it?

The Commandant directed towards the swordsman a murderous glance and silenced, his breathing slowly returned to normal levels.

" That's it," Leverrier said, regaining his self-control, " I've understood: you don't want to help the Order to get rid of a traitor."

" You're wrong, I simply don't want you to eliminate an innocent companion."

" In this case it's the same thing! As you said before, sacrifices are necessaries sometimes!" he shouted and then added, whispering: " I won't forget his, Yuu Kanda. Your unfaithful actions will be punished."

" I'm ready to bear every punishment." Kanda declared fiercely.

" Are you sure?" Leverrier smiled mischievously, " I said that your action will be punished, not your person. What if the one who will have to pay for it would be a certain woman we both know?" Kanda frozen and the Commandant smile became even wider. " I noticed some resemblance between your dead sister and that woman… what's her name? Angel?" He paused and then added evilly:

" Do you think she will be ready to die for you as your sister did?"

Kanda didn't answered, he turned without a single glance in Leverrier's direction and left, slamming the door behind him with force.

The whole office trembled, but the smile didn't left the Commandant's face. Yes, he really liked those as Kanda, they were the funniest.

The swordsman literally ran away from Leverrier's office. His face was distorted by rage and hate as he descended across the deserted corridors. He was unconsciously directing his paces towards his own room.

Leverrier… that man was the devil incarnate! Kanda hated him, of course, he hated the whole Order, even Allen, they were just… nothing to him, less than nothing! He hated them all.

They had taken away from him his sister nine years before and now they were going to kill Angel, his Angel, and why? Because he had protected Allen Walker? No way, he would have betrayed the beansprout three thousand times before seeing Angel being killed for his faults!

There was no way that he would have let her die! No way he would have seen and accepted this again thinking simply that _"sacrifices are necessary sometimes"_.

He had said these very words, the same that Leverrier had told to him, to Allen once, at Martel, and the thought of it made him feel sick.

Kanda remembered very well the answer the beansprout had given to him:

" _To make sacrifices all the time in order to win a war… it's futile!"_

Those had been the words of Allen, Kanda remembered them as if he had them branded on his mind, and he remembered his own reaction to these words too. He had hit Allen with all his strength, even if he was hurt and the effort made him loose balance and fall, he couldn't hold himself back.

He had shouted to Allen then, he had called him naive, he had asked him if he had nothing important in his life. He hadn't understood the boy that time; he hadn't realized that it was because of this, because he _had _something important, that he couldn't let it go.

Allen had his pride, his integrity, his hope in the mankind, these were his ideals, these were the things important to him, the only ones he had left, and he couldn't betray them. If he had done so, all his life, all his efforts would have been useless.

Kanda understood this only now, only when he, himself, had seen his own hopes and illusions fall. Sacrifices, pain, sufferance… they were useless, they held no truth, they were not necessaries to people, they were not necessaries to him, and so he wasn't going to suffer in silence anymore, he wasn't going to let Angel suffer for Leverrier's selfish desires anymore since it was completely useless.

**Author's notes – Time for choices –**

**I guess the title of this chapter is clear to everyone: choices are, infact, those which both Road and Kanda have to make in this part of the story! **

**Road has decided that she wants Allen to be hers ( how does she want to reach her aim is still unknown though ^^) and Kanda has decided to protect Allen! This is an epic moment, guys! Kanda who protects Allen putting himself at risk? I guess this is something you can see only in a fanfiction XD. **

**There are other important choices Kanda has done in this chapters and there will be others that he will be obliged to make soon, but we'll see it in the next chapters, I'm not going to spend other words about Kanda here. **

**I want to talk about Wise and Lovely instead, especially about Wise. **

**He's very different from the one portrayed by Hoshino-sensei, wasn't he? That's because I still haven't seen him, and I'm not going to do so until I'll end this fic. **

**As I said three thousand times before, this story starts from chapter 185 of the manga and after having started to write this I haven't read the new chapters and I refuse to do so. Otherwise I would never be able to write something original!!! **

**I know of the existence of a Noah called Wise though, because a friend of mine said some spoiler about him before I could stop her, but I know only his name and that he can read through minds. On this basis I created ****my own version**** of Wise and, if I may say this, I love him! And I like the little, spoilt princess too, Lovely. The bound between these two is very strong, they need each other, and I guess that this is why I like them. **

**While I was creating them I was inspirited a little by Louis and Claudia from " Interview with the vampire", but they ended to be very different from Wise and Lovely; now the only thing these pairings share is this ambiguous relationship as similar to a father/daughter bounds as to a lovers bound. I don't know if I explained myself clearly… Anyway, no more of my ramblings!**

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter… ****REVIEWS!!!!**

**Title of the next chapter : ****" Forbidden lovers"**

**Goodnight…**

**--Eris 92—**

**Rome, 25****.01.10**


	17. Chapter 17 Forbidden Lovers

**Here I am with the XVII chapter!!! I've written this all in a day a lot of time ago…but I can finally upload this!!! AllenxRoad spreading all over this part, people, enjoy!**

**Before leaving you to the chapter, I only wanted to suggest a beautiful DMG fic I'm reading lately: it's called: " Diamonds in wine" by and it's a wonderful fic! Go read it if you like Kanda and Tyki. Her characters are never OC… **

**Now let's stop with this and read the chapter! **

**I'm waiting for REVIEWS! **

**Soundtrack for the chapter:**

" **Le ciel" by Malice Mizer which I always associate to Road and Allen. **

_**XVII CHAPTER**_- **FORBIDDEN LOVERS UNDER THE PALE LIGHT OF THE MOON**

Cafeteria, Black Order, dinner time

Kanda entered in the Cafeteria with a speed pace, as he always did every evening, and, as he always did, he ordered soba to Jerry. But that evening he was going to do something that he usually wouldn't have done: he went towards the other exorcists and seated next to Allen under the shocked eyes of everybody.

Still, nor Lavi, nor anyone else commented his strange behaviour. The swordsman was acting strange lately, but they were not going to made him notice both for their own safety and his. If he was starting to be a little more sociable they would not stop him.

Anyway, Kanda said nothing for a while; he simply ate his soba in peace, slowly, not talking to anyone.

Then, once he had finished he turned slowly towards Allen:

" Moyashi?" He whispered

" It's Allen, Bakanda!" the teen yelled in response. The swordsman gritted his teeth in annoyance.

" Shut up and listen carefully to me, for once. You won't ever believe me, but what I'm going to say is for your good so shut the fuck up and listen to me. Try to remain emotionless." He warned him. Now Allen was really interested: Kanda had never told anything of the kind to him and the teen had always thought he never would either.

" Run away from the Black Order when you still can. It's dangerous for you to remain here any longer. Run away, or you'll be killed as your master was."

" Thanks, but I already know that I'm in danger. I'll stay on guard." Allen replied I disbelief.

" No, stupid, you have no idea in which troubles you are. Leverrier is going to kill you, he will act soon and there'd be nothing you can do to stop him. Just for once, listen to me and run away. That's nothing you can face."

" You know something I don't, and you don't want to say it clearly. You know what Leverrier has in mind? Tell me then, if you really want to help me!"

" I can't tell you anything else. Just believe me and run away at the first sign of danger."

" I won't run away! It would be as if I confessed that I'm guilty!"

" Then remain here and get killed, stupid moyashi! But do not reveal to no one what I've said, or I'll be in danger too, and not only me." Kanda made a pause sighing and then:

" How can you be so stupid to not understand? They don't care if you're guilty or not, for them you are dangerous and that's all they can think of! Do you really think you can remain here and save yourself?"

" I have to believe it!" Allen replied.

" Do as you please, then. Tsk."

With those words, the swordsman rose on his feet and went away. Everyone thought that he and Allen had just argued as they always did and barely noticed what had happened.

Only the teen seemed upset. What had discovered Kanda to make him act in such an unusual way? He must have been really shocked to want to help Allen in such a direct way. It wasn't in his style. And what did he mean when he said that he couldn't tell him anything more?

Allen was confused the most, he felt paralyzed, and when Lavi asked him what was wrong, he realized he couldn't remain there with the others any longer. He rose up and left, heading to his room.

He had just closed the door behind him when an acute, joyful voice welcomed him from some dark corner of the room: " Hi, Allen."

The teen felt a chill down to his spine at hearing that: he would recognise that voice between thousands.

He turned slowly towards Road Kamelot.

The teen stood for a moment in silence: how was he supposed to act in such a situation? A Noah, his enemy, was in the Headquarters, no, worse, in his own room and she was… she was wearing a _nightgown_, seated on _his_ bed!

Allen felt as if he was going to have heartache. What the Hell was he supposed to do?

He was on the point of starting hyperventilating: if Link had have entered in that moment… and yet he could not just cry out something as: " Alarm, there's a Noah in a nightgown here!".

The poor teen stood in silence not knowing what to say, but probably his face was very easy to read because Road started to laugh hard: " Do not worry, Allen, no one will find us. If someone will happen to enter, I'll just vanish through my door!"

Allen looked at her in disbelief, but somehow he was relaxed by those words. Road gave him a lovely smile and the teen blushed slightly, but finally he found the strength to ask:

" Why are you here, Road? This is my room, did you know?" he asked feeling stupid. She chuckled.

" Of course I know, otherwise I won't be here."

" Road, these are the Headquarters of the Black Order, you shouldn't be there." He insisted.

" I know this too, Allen." She answered looking away, her face suddenly sad, but she soon regained her usual enthusiasm: " But I couldn't sleep and suddenly…"

" Suddenly…???"

" Suddenly I thought of you and of all the questions I'd like to ask you. I became so curious that I couldn't wait and I came here to see you!"

" W-What kind of questions?" Allen asked hesitant, feeling uneasy in front of her excited eyes. Sure, that girl was really strange.

" Simple questions," she answered with a passionate voice, " as: _what's your favourite colour?_;_ what kind of place would you like to visit?_; or _what kind of girl do you like? _And then serious questions as: _Do you think of us Noah as monsters?_ ;_ do you hate us?_ ; _do you hate __me__?_" she asked coming near, the intensity of her voice increasing word by word.

For when she had ended her speech her face was a few inches distant from Allen's. The teen blushed again at the remembrance of what had happened in the Ark, when Road had kissed him all of a sudden. She was probably thinking the same thing because she chuckled and gave him a mischievous look.

" Then, Allen, would you ever answer to my questions?" she asked

" Where would be the point in telling you?"

" And where would it be in not doing so?" she answered quickly.

" Road, you're my enemy, I'm not allowed to give you any kind of information. Now, please, go."

She pretended to have been hurt by such harsh words: " That's not gentleman-like, Allen, really! You're always so polite with everyone; can't you do this with me too? And that cruel, cold word you've used, 'enemy'… do you think I've come here as an enemy tonight?" she asked showing her nightgown with a languid gesture as if it explained everything.

" It doesn't matter with which intention did you come, Road, you're still my enemy."

" You're terrible this night, Allen. I'd be hurt by those words if your gaze wasn't telling me to remain here." she laughed.

" My gaze isn't telling you anything at all! And I don't want you here!"

" I've already told you, Allen, if someone enter I'll vanish in a moment. I'm not interested on fighting the whole Order, not tonight, at least." She said coming nearer.

Allen was exasperated: " Can't you understand? It's not a matter of tonight or tomorrow, it's not even a problem of the others finding you here!" he lied " It's that I don't want to see you here like that! You confuse me…" he admitted at last. Road chuckled:

" You're being ruder at any word, Allen… Would you prefer my candles to stab you? Would this make you less confused?" she joked

" NO!" Allen was getting angry, " It's not this! It's…"

He could not end his speech because Road suddenly hugged him and kissed him.

Allen was astonished and his surprise kept on growing as he confusingly realized that there was something different in that kiss.

It wasn't as in the ark.

That time had been an innocent kiss, as innocent as something between an exorcist and a Noah may be, but now… this time there was something completely different. Without realizing it, Allen embraced Road's waist, hesitant and gently.

Road pushed her lips on his again and there was nothing kind or romantic in it. There was real greed, instead, in the way she didn't want to let him go, as if she was hoping she could imprison him through the kiss.

Then, a noise from another room awakened Allen, who finally realized what he was doing, and he suddenly took a pace behind, rejecting the girl.

To say that he was confused wouldn't be enough, to say that he was upset wouldn't give the idea either, it was more as if he was lost in some dream where he could act only by impulse and understand nothing. Allen took some other pace away from Road and seated on his bed, trying to understand what had just happened.

" Please, Road, go away." He asked with a hoarse voice.

She didn't answer, but she took seat beside him and, taking his face between her hands, forced him to look at her in the eyes. Allen was reluctant, but though her touch was gentle he couldn't oppose.

" You haven't answered to my questions yet." Road noticed.

" What do you want to know?" Allen gave up, his mind strangely numb. Her fingers on his face were so warm that they were confusing him even more. Road smiled and let him go:

" What's your favourite colour?" she asked with her childish voice.

" White." Allen replied immediately.

" Why?" Road asked with genuine curiosity

" I don't know," he admitted, " I guess it's because it is so absolute. White can not come out by putting two other colours together: It's unique, you may say."

Road frowned: " I never thought about it that way: white has always made me think of death. It gives me the idea of nothing and it's something creepy: all the passion, all the joy and pain reduced to nothing. How can someone bear this?" she ended and noticed that Allen was staring at her with curiosity as if he was trying to understand a complicate riddle. She quickly passed at her second question:

" In what kind of place would you like to live?" Allen thought this question to be pretty innocent and so he allowed himself to answer:

" I never thought about it… To be honest, I never thought of how and where I would like to live when all this will be over, but I guess I've had enough of cold places… Probably I'd like to live in some hot country where the sun shines all the year, maybe near the sea."

Road didn't comment and passed to her third question: " What kind of girl do you like?"

Allen blushed and she smiled mischievously, entertained by his reaction.

" Once I had answered to this question you'll go away, won't you?" he pleaded

" Four questions still, then I'll go away, I promise!" she chuckled slightly. Allen was surprised by the sound of her laugh: it seemed so normal, so human… He sighed and tried to answer:

" What should I say… There's not a particular kind of girl that I like…" he hesitated, blushing at every word that was escaping from his lips.

" I want an answer, Allen!" Road ordered

" I guess… I'd like a brave girl, with a strong character, and yet she should be always nice to the others… she should be kind, with a beautiful smile..."

At these words Road sighed: " I knew it! You've fallen for that cry-baby of Lenalee! I never liked that one!"

" I'm not in love with Lenalee!" Allen protested annoyed.

" But she has! She loves you."

" That's not true!"

Road sighed: " Next question…" she paused a little while: " What do you think of us Noah? Do you think of us as monsters? Be honest!" she warned him.

Allen wondered for a moment, then he answered: " No, I don't think of you as monsters. You Noahs and we exorcists, even if people keep on calling us that way, we are just human beings. Particular beings, maybe, but still humans; we have the same emotions, haven't we? That's why I can't understand how can you kill humans: they are sensible beings as you, they suffer as you do, so why…" He couldn't end the sentence because Road interrupted him:

" You say you don't understand. Try to ask to the Fourteenth inside you, Allen." She suggested looking away, a sad light in her eyes, but Allen didn't even notice it, there was something much more important to understand:

" How do you know about the Fourteenth?"

" We know everything, Allen, we just know everything." She said looking away as if the matter was of no interest for her. The teen still hadn't recovered from the surprise when she spoke again:

" The final question finally: do you hate us? Do you hate _me_?"

Allen took his time before speaking: " I don't hate the Noahs. I hate what you do to humans though, and I'm ready to destroy you in order to save an innocent life."

" You would kill me to save humans?" she insisted. Allen answered with decision:

" Yes, I'd do it."

Road laughed hard at those words: " Oh, Allen, I really love you when you're so determinate! Your eyes are so firm and yet they hold such honesty! It's all due to your naivety… You're irresistible!" She tried to kiss him again, but Allen rejected her:

" Please, stop acting this way." he pleaded politely, but his face was so serious to appear almost threatening. Road chuckled again: " That's another of the reasons why I do love you, Allen… you never acts as the others expect you to!"

She gave him a look full of tenderness and longing at the same time. The poor teen was feeling always more uneasy. He didn't trust Road and he was right since her next words were:

" I love you, Allen, I want you to be mine…And you'll be mine, won't you?" she asked passionately.

" W-w-what do you mean???" Allen was almost upset by the sudden, strange, request.

" Exactly what I said." She explained, " You know, I'm a greedy, spoilt being that has always had everything he could ever desire, and now I want you, Allen!" She paused to caress his cheek, then added:

" You're the perfect union of everything I love… I want you Allen, I want your body, your mind, your memories, your very soul! I want your eyes to look only at me, your heart to be my kingdom.

I love you with an intensity no-one else will ever give you, so, please… come with me, escape with me!" Allen looked puzzled at her, noticing the strange intensity which surrounded her and her words. Her pleading eyes were just so cute that for a moment Allen thought he could say " yes". But he didn't say anything and Road went on:

" Escape with me! Let us go far away from all this, away from the war, away from all the horrors it brings along. We'll find a land where exorcists and Noahs don't exist, a land where no-one will call us monsters and where we'll be free to love each other!

Allen, please, be mine…and I'll be completely yours as well… Allen, come with me!" she asked to him joyfully, her eyes shining for the excitement at the idea, they were honestly full of hope; and yet, deep, deep inside her, Allen could still perceive the sufferance that had made her ask him something so childish and sweet as: _" let's escape together"._

For the first time, Allen felt real pity towards the Noah.

He leaned forward and embraced her gently as if she was a child who needed to be reassured.

On his face there was that sweet, false, ugly smile of his.

" Allen…" Road asked hesitant, pressed against his chest, " is it a yes? Will you come with me?"

Her voice was so full of hope and genuine joy that Allen felt terrible guilty while he was shaking his head in sign of deny.

" Why?" she asked lowly, her voice almost shaking. She was not surprised, she had always known she wouldn't have had any hope, but then, why did it hurt her so much to see Allen smile in that kind, pitiful way?

" You know why, Road, " he answered, " It would be useless to run away and, besides that, the choice to escape is always the worst for everyone." He declared slowly, staring at her in the eyes with kindness and determination at the same time. He went on:

" We all must face our nightmare and put an end to it. Now, can I ask you something?" he said, finally letting her free from his embrace. Road laughed:

" I already know what you're going to propose me and it's impossible, you know." She declared with the same kindness and yet there was something bitter in her words, her voice was still shaking slightly.

Now was Allen's turn to ask: " Why?"

" Because I can't join the Black Order, I'll never do this, do you hear me? Never! I'm a Noah, your enemies are my family and though they are strange I love them as dearly as you do with your friends, maybe more. They were the only ones who accepted me, the monster, and they loved me! They raised me and gave me whatever I could ever need. How can you expect me to betray them?" she cried out in horror.

" And, besides that," she continued, " as you said before, I'm a Noah and I like what I am! Killing, being sadist, hating humans, these things are all written in my DNA and I love them!" She paused staring back at the amazed teen, a strange and mad light appeared and immediately disappeared in her eyes.

" I was ready to renounce to all this for you, Allen, but you don't love me. You don't want to be mine." She said and lowered her gaze, appearing terribly sad.

There was silence and then she stared back at him again:

" If things are like this, if you don't want to be mine, then I have no other choice, but to make you my puppet. This is the only way I have to get you."

She tried to kiss Allen again, but he pushed her away gently:

" Stop it." He ordered to her, but Road didn't redrew.

" Please, Allen, this would be the last time." she pleaded in a low voice, " Next time we'll meet I'll come as a Noah and there won't be space for kisses. I'll have to kill you. Let me kiss you one last time." She murmured slowly and pushed her lips against Allen's.

Road was more passionate than ever: Now that her last attempt to save the teen had failed, she knew that she couldn't avoid the unavoidable anymore and the exorcist felt his head going numb again under her touch. Her tongue suddenly slipped in his mouth and Allen felt as if he was her slave.

" _Is it always so when someone kisses you?" _he wondered. After all, he had never kissed anyone, but Road.

Allen didn't want to admit it, but it felt good, the warm body of the Noah pressed against his, the tender way she had put her arms around his neck, her lips on his, yes, it felt good.

The teen imposed to himself to forget this kind of thoughts, she was his enemy after all, but it was hard and his determination was becoming lighter at any moment. Allen felt hot, he knew he was going to loose control again, but then Road finally let him go:

" They're coming," she said, " and I have to go, but remember, my dear, next time I'll have to kill you and, you can swear on this, I'll do it."

At these words the boy's eyes flashed open, but she had already vanished through that strange door of hers.

Her perfume was still wafting in the air.

Suddenly, Allen desired she hadn't gone. Road was such a strange person: she was creepy, frightening, while she was with him the teen desired her to vanish and now that she was finally gone, he missed her so much that it hurt, as if it had become difficult to breathe.

Still, he didn't like her. Of course, he was sorry that she was suffering because of him, but that was all. She was cruel and selfish and he didn't like those who acted like that.

Besides that, she was really scary and the way she had said:

" _I want you to be mine__..."_

The memory made Allen tremble.

Then, someone knocked at the door.

" _It must be Link." _ Allen thought and opened the door, but the one who was waiting for him was nothing like the Inspector.

Tall, slim, elegant and very pretty with her innocent face, Lenalee Lee was in front of him with a worried look.

" Hi, Allen." She greeted him with the same words Road had used less than an hour before, but the emotion behind them was very different. The teen blushed at the memory of what the Noah had said of Lenalee.

She had fallen in love…with_ him_?!?

Allen immediately decided that it had to be impossible and asked something very stupid to his friend.

" Aren't you going to let me in?" Lenalee asked in response with a tiny smile.

" Sure!" was the embarrassed reply.

" Allen…"

" Yes?"

" There is the smell of woman's perfume in this room." Lenalee noticed immediately. The teen froze. What was he going to say now? How was he going to justify the presence of a woman's perfume in his room?

He argued with himself for a little while to decide what was best, if it was better to tell the truth, or to put all the blame on Link actually, but Lenalee prevented him:

" I must be in error," she said, " maybe it comes from outside."

" Oh, yeah!" Allen replied faster than usual, " It surely comes from outside!" He sweatdropped in relief for the avoided danger.

" Well, Lenalee, why are you here?" he asked trying, and failing, to seem natural.

" Why am I here? Allen, you left the Cafeteria with an upset face, you hadn't even finished your lunch! I'm worried for you, of course!" She declared with passion, blushing slightly, but the teen decided he had had enough of blushing for that night:

" I'm sorry that I've shocked you, Lenalee, but you don't have to worry for me, believe me, I'm fine. Really. I just happened to have a headache and I needed to relax a little in my room." He justified himself, but Lenalee knew him too well:

" You won't fool me, Allen," she said, " What did Kanda say to you to provoke such a reaction? Did he confess his love for you?" She joked, upsetting poor Allen( Author: he had had enough of declaration of love for that night too, I guess… XD) :

" Lenalee!" he scolded her, " Don't joke about these things, please! Believe me, I'm just tired and my head does hurt like Hell. Can you let me rest, please?" he pleaded.

" O-of course." Lenalee was surprised by his friend's strange behaviour and left without questions.

" Good night, then…" she tried to say, but the door was immediately closed behind her with no response from Allen's part. The girl stared at the closed door with a puzzled look.

What was happening? Allen had never been so rude to her and she had believed he felt something for her. So, why ha had acted so strange as if he didn't want to have her in his room? Was he only shy? She didn't believe so, there must have been something else.

Woman's perfume in Allen's room and strange discussions with Kanda…?

Could it be that…?

Could it really be that Allen was having a story with Kanda??? Lenalee froze at the idea: she was going to loose Allen to… _a man_??? No way!

Lenalee had realized long ago that she had feelings for the teen and she wasn't going to leave him to no-one, but herself. So she went away, shocked, mumbling about the thousand ways she was going to use to make Allen fall in love with her the sooner.

**Author's notes— Romance…--**

**So??? Did you like this chapter? I never wrote any romance before, this is my first attempt… how did it go? Was it good? Did you feel Road passion? ****REVIEW!!!**

**I enjoyed a lot writing this chapter since I was a little tired of plotting, murders, etc… This was something new for me, I never write things with romance usually because I fear to be banal, I don't want to write common things! **

**But Road and Allen intrigue**** me since she is a mad, sadist, almost immortal, girl obsessed with a kind, perfect boy. They're not exactly a common couple, aren't they? **

**The same is for Kanda and Cassandra/Angel: her double personality makes everything more interesting, you'll see! XD**

**Now I want to talk about the last part of the chapter, the one with Lenalee. I made her act as a fangirl!!! I had a lot of doubts writing that part, I thought it to be ridicule, and maybe it is, but it was funny!!! And I wanted to laugh a bit at all those yaoi fanfiction including pairings as KandaxAllen, LavixTiky and so on… Some of them are well written, but I usually don't like them. I have nothing against yaoi when it already is in the manga, but those pairings as Yullen and Laven… I think them to be not very realistic… **

**Yes, I know that now the greater part of my readers will hate me, there are a lot of supporters of yaoi on this site, but that's my opinion. I didn't offended anyone, I just said what I think 'cause I'm a very honest/stupid person. Those who don't agree with me can leave a message or a review, whatever, and explain me their reasons. I'd be very happy to open a civil discussion ^^. **

**Anyway, tell me what you think, please, leave ******

**AND VOTE THE POLL ON MY PROFILE, PLEASE!**

**Goodnight to you all…**

**--Eris92—**

**Rome, 05.02.10**


	18. Chapter 18 The demon and the saint

Hi, people! Do you believe me if I say that this chapter was ten pages long in the old program Microsoft word? XD Yes, you've heard well, ten pages! The longest chapter I've ever written until now, as you can easily see… I should be happy of this if it wasn't that this part is unbelievably sad… Link and Allen are the main characters of this chapter and well… What happens now to them is really interesting… Read and review!

**Last week I uploaded a DMG one-shot called POKER… It should be a parody. If some-one is interested go and read it, it's very short, something as a page or so written all in one night when I couldn't sleep. Can you imagine wht sort of mess it is…^^ But I had 11 reviews in two days! Wow O_o I never got all those reviews with Fallen Gods.. I wonder why since I actually put all my brain in this when I never considered the other to be appreciated… Saaaaad thing… **

**Do not forget to review and to vote the poll!!!**

**Soundtrack for this chapter: **

" **Sinfonìa numb 5" by Beethoven **

" **The Tempest sonata" by Beethoven**

**And, yes, Beethoven is my favourite one! ^^**

CHAPTER XVIII—THE MONSTER AND THE SAINT

_Allen's room, afternoon._

" Where are we going now?" Link asked with his professional voice to Allen.

" Australia." The teen answered briefly.

" What are you two talking about?" Another voice asked from the door. Obviously, it was Lavi with his eternal smile upon his face, but now, for some reason, he seemed even more cheerful than usual.

" Komui has assigned us a new mission in Australia." Allen explained, " We have to investigate about the possible presence of Innocence around the city of Sidney."

" Whoa, Allen, you are so serious today. Are you feeling well?" Lavi asked.

" Of course." Allen confirmed without raising his gaze from the suit-case. Honestly, he felt physically well, it was the emotional side that worried him: after the visit of Road he had been a bit distracted and actually he didn't want to speak with anyone, he didn't felt the need to, he just wanted to be alone and think.

Yes, he wanted to think.

But _what?_

There was nothing to think about, there was nothing to decide, nothing. No matter how much time he could have spent reasoning about the Fourteenth, Road, the Earl, Leverrier, Kanda and so on, he wouldn't have found any answer for the simple reason that there were no answers he could give in that moment.

" _Why does everyone give me hints and explain nothing?"_ the teen thought annoyed.

" _It's just unfair!" _he kept on thinking, ignoring Lavi's questions until the exorcist left a little pissed off.

An awkward silence fell in the room, but Allen didn't even notice it, lost in his thoughts as he was.

" Walker," Link began. The Inspector voice brought the teen back to the real world.

" What's wrong, Link?" Allen was feeling uneasy: could it be that Link had guessed what had happened? He had such a serious expression on his face…

" Walker," he repeated, " I know that if you really have a problem I'll be the last person on the Earth whom you'd confess it, but I still want to say it: if I can be of any help, ask me." His voice was as calm and severe as always, but the words he had pronounced were something almost unbelievable form his part. Allen stared at him for a moment trying to understand if he was sincere. Kanda before, and now this. What had the world turn into? Why were his sworn "enemies-friend" declaring that they wanted to help him?

" Link," he asked at last, looking away, " can you tell me what Leverrier has in store for me? What does he want from me?" Link stiffened a little and answered:

" I can't say anything about what the Commandant's plans are and, honestly, I don't really know what he's thinking. But I can tell you one thing: Leverrier is sure that you ad the Fourteenth are a danger for the Order and that's not all. There are important persons who want you dead and Leverrier has to deal with those persons."

" Who?" Allen asked greedy

" This I can never tell you. I've already said more than I should."

" Thank you, Link," Allen said, giving up, " at least you've been more useful than baKanda..." he murmured and immediately regretted it.

" What has Kanda told to you?" Link asked threatening. If the swordsman had betrayed the Order and told to Walker what Leverrier had in store for him… It was a serious matter.

" Almost nothing," Allen answered cursing himself, " He just said that I was in danger and that I should be prepared to everything. I guessed it had something to do with Leverrier's hate towards me, but Kanda said that he couldn't tell me anything more."

Link relaxed a little and then declared: " Allen," he said using the teen's first name, " Leverrier doesn't hate you. I know that, being in your position, you can't like him, but do not hate him. He doesn't deserve it." Link voice had a shade of sadness.

" He doesn't deserve to be hated by me?" Allen asked a little surprised and annoyed: the Commandant was allowed to do everything to him without reasons and he, Allen, shouldn't have hated him for trying to kill him?

" Link, can you really believe this? He has imprisoned Lenalee when she was still a child and obliged her to fight, he has imprisoned her for years because she just wanted to return to her home and her brother; he send us to suicide missions as if we're mere puppets; he tries to kill me because he has stubbornly convinced himself that I'm a traitor, and he has killed my master. Tell me, now, Link, that I've no reasons to hate him since it's this what you want to say, isn't it?" Link hesitated for a moment.

" No, that's not what I wanted to say. I understand that, from your point of view, you can only think of him as a monster, but that's only a side of him. I'm sorry that that's all you have seen of him. Maybe, during our trip in Australia, I'll tell you something more about the Leverrier _I_ know."

" Why not now?" Allen asked, honestly curious, even if he was sure that whatever Link could have said to him it wouldn't have changed anything.

" There is no time to do it now" the Inspector said briefly " We have to prepare our suit-cases. I'll tell you only one more thing for now: he has nothing to do with your master death. He knew nothing."

And after these words the silence fell again.

* * *

Two days later, on a ship directed to port Jackson of Sydney…

Link, leaned on the window-still of the ship, was cursing himself: why the hell had he promised to Allen to told him what he knew of Leverrier? Really, he couldn't understand why he had done such a stupid thing. He was Walker's guard, not his baby-sitter, he had to control him, not to tell him his story.

And yet a part of him really wanted to talk with Allen and to explain to him what kind of man there was behind the monster Leverrier; he really wanted the teen to understand, as if it could matter. Allen was a lamb soon to be sacrificed, did it really matter what he thought of his killers? And yet, since he loved them both for different reasons, Link couldn't bear the idea of the Commandant and the exorcist hating each other.

That's why he had made that promise to the teen and still he wondered if he would ever be able to make him change his mind: after all, it was natural for him to hate Leverrier, just natural. What truth could Link told him to make him change his mind?

In that moment the subject of his thoughts showed himself:

" Oh, you're here, Link." Allen exclaimed coming beside him. " Well, we have some day of sea trip to face, so, what about telling the story you promised me?"

Link sighed and began:

" _First of all, I've to say that I don't know everything about him, he's still a mystery for me, and that I can't tell what I saw of him without telling my own story."_

Allen stared at the Inspector attentively. Now he was becoming really curious.

" _Tell me, Walker, how do you imagine my childhood? Why do you think I'm so attached to my Commandant though he can be so evil sometimes? I guess you don't understand it… but think about this: if Mana had been a killer, and still he had adopted you and loved you as no-one had done before, if things had been like this, what would have you done? You would have rejected him because he was evil to others? I don't think so. _

_When you're alone in the world a__nd find someone who cares about you, you can't care less about what he is, you love him no matter what. That's what happened to you with Mana, and for me and Leverrier was the same. _

_You have noticed that there are always guards surrounding the Commandant, guards as those who controlled you and General Cross during your conversation? You've noticed them, haven't you, those masked guys of almost superhuman strength… From where do you think they come from? _

_Most of them are orphans who were taken away from a life of misery in the streets and were raised and trained by the Order to become the guards of men of high rank of the Church. As you can easily guess I'm one of them. _

_I was born here, in Australia, in the suburb of Sydney called Ryde.__ It was one of the more ancient towns of the island, but also one of the poorest, or so it was at that time at least._

_I was abandoned in front of the local church__ twenty years ago and raised by the priest and his wife along with some other orphan. The priest was an old, fanatic man. He had decided to raise us children because of a strange, perverse, sense of duty: he believed that if we had been abandoned it was because of a punishment sent by Heaven; to him we're damned beings that had to be corrected by him. And so he used to close us inside the church for hours and hours, because we needed to pray a lot if we wanted to redeem our souls. Sometimes he used to wake us up even in the middle of the night to remind us what we should have never forgotten: that we were the worst kind of sinners, that we needed to suffer and pray, nothing else. After this he would take us to the church to pray again, in the middle of the cold night, and if someone was caught in the act of sleeping, or complaining, he was severely punished._

_It was Hell, we all hated the old priest, we all dreamed to escape, no matter where, and I remember that I used to think that I'd have liked to die and to be taken to the real Hell for it couldn't be worst than living there in the church with that man. _

_Then, one day, I really escaped. It was me and my best friend of that time, a child called Juliàn who was just a year older than me. We forced the window of the room where we children used to sleep and we escaped without a noise. Our plan was to reach the harbour and to hide ourselves on one ship directed to Europe. _

_We never reached that __ship; we never reached even the harbour, because that night the priest had left the dogs unrestrained by chance. The beasts felt our smell and caught us. Juliàn died there, in the garden, because of the bites. I was saved, but soon I regretted that I hadn't died with my friend: the old priest imprisoned me in the crypt of the church without food, nor water, in the dark, he didn't even tell me if I was to be ever freed. He just threw me in that loathsome hole, his murderous gaze on me, saying that I'd have been severely punished so that I wouldn't have tried to escape from the embrace of God ever again. In that moment I was so frightened I could not even feel the usual hate towards him. You must know, at that time there were corpses in the crypts and, obviously, mice that lived eating them. I remained there for four days, fighting against the mice that tried to devour me, against the natural fear I had of the dead corpses and so on. I was seven years old. _

_At the beginning of the fourth day I couldn't remember who I was, nor how did it felt to be illuminated by the warm light of the sun. I had forgotten who I was, I had forgotten the priest, the church, Juliàn, the dogs, and most of all I had forgotten what there was out o__f that dark crypt where I couldn't see anything. The only things I remembered where the prayers the old priest had taught to me and so I prayed and prayed for it was the only thing I could do, the only thing which could keep me from going definitively insane. And yet they were not prayers of hope told by a believer, but empty formulas which came from a desperate mind. _

_Then, suddenly, the light fell upon me and someone descended n the crypt using a ladder. It was a tall man with brown hair and a severe look on his face; that's all I could see at first as he was advancing towards me, my left hand in front of my face to shield my eyes from that light to which I wasn't used anymore. I remember I thought that he had to be the devil himself who had come to take me to Hell, as the priest had always told me. Instead, the man stopped in front of me, examining me with his piercing eyes for a moment, and then he knelt beside me smiling with a satisfied expression on his face:_

" _You're a strong, brave boy, you know?" he said and took me between his arms and brought me out of the crypt. The first thing __I saw was the light of the candles of the church and then the old priest. He was kneeling in front of the man who had rescued me and that was still holding me between his arms in a protective manner. _

" _Commandant," the priest protested, " this child tried to escape, he must be punished…" _

_He could never end the sentence since my saviour slapped him in the face, so hard that the nose of the priest began to bleed._

" _Shut up." The man ordered " I don't want to hear your voice ever again." The priest nodded in silence and the man took me away from the church. _

_This was my first encounter with Malcolm C. Leverrier."_

Link paused to stare at an astonished Allen.

" _In that moment I thought that I didn't care if that man was a devil or a saint, he was my saviour and I would follow him to whatever end. And so it was. Leverrier took me away from that nightmare to a clean room near the see, I could see the harbour from the window, and ordered a maid to cure me and to wait after every need I could have. Then, once I had healed, he said to me that I could choose between remaining there with a the new priest who was soon to come, or come with him in Europe where I'd have been trained to become a Crow, a member of the task-force of the Black Order. Obviously I answered that I'd have followed him and when I asked if I __was going to see him during my training he answered: _

" _You'll see me again only if you'll become the strongest and most intelligent of all your companion."_

" _I'll do it!" I swore and so I did. Leverrier has been the man who saved me and gave me an aim when I had nothing in my life."_

Link paused again and Allen took his opportunity to talk:

" But, Link, I understand that he became your hero because he saved you, but now you should realize that he did nothing exceptional: he just did what was right to do. Only a demon wouldn't have helped you that time! What he did was only natural."

" Do you really think so? Maybe you're right, but still he was the only one who helped me and I'll remain faithful to him forever."

" I understand." Allen said and they weren't empty words, but all truth. It had been the same for him and Mana after all: even knowing that his foster father had been the brother and the ally of a Noah, even knowing that probably he had helped him only because he was the host for the reincarnation of the Fourteenth, even so, he loved Mana for the simple fact that the clown had cared for him when no-one else had.

Allen really understood Link ,ad yet he could not forgive Leverrier, he just couldn't forgive him and told this to the Inspector.

" I know." Link answered, " But I wanted you to know that there is something else behind the monster-mask he wears. Please, do not tell these things to no-one."

Allen assured him he would have never revealed those things to anyone and so they remained in silence, gazing at the sea.

_Three days later, in the suburb of Sydney…_

Link and Allen were trying to gather some information about the Innocence. From the sustainers, they happened to know that there had been strange movements of akuma around the city, though they seemed to have harmed no-one. This had made the Headquarters think that there could be Innocence near Sydney.

The exorcist and the Inspector decided to remain in the city for some time to control the situation, but at the fourth day they hadn't still noticed anything strange, not even the slightest sign of the akuma's presence. It was then that Link proposed to Allen to go visiting the church of his childhood and the teen agreed with the plan, since they hadn't still explored that area.

They didn't know that it was a trap.

When they arrived, they found the old church abandoned, but Link didn't seem to care about it, though he was surprised, and went directly to the yard behind the building.

" Here," the Inspector declared pointing at a tombstone, " Here is the proof that I hadn't lied when I told you my story." On the cold stone was carved just one word, "_Juliàn", _ and a date: 12 october 1823. It was the tomb of Link's unfortunate friend.

" I never thought you had lied to me." Allen said, " Is for this, then, that you wanted to come here?"

" In part," Link admitted, " but there are other reasons…"

" What are these other reason?" a childish voice asked from Link's back as two delicate arms were hugging his neck. The Inspector freed himself from the hold with a violent gesture and Allen turned suddenly towards the voice. So they both discovered that it belonged to the strangest of the girls.

Covered in a rich, baroque, silver dress, Lovely was staring back at them with an entertained expression on her face. She could have been mistaken for one of those fairytale princesses, if it hadn't been for the cruelness of her smile and the threatening light in her eyes.

" So," she asked again, " why did you come here, you exorcists?" she smiled and it was a cold, false smile, the smile of a beautiful doll, unfeeling, uncaring.

" How do you know that we're exorcists?" Allen asked to her: a twelve years old girl wasn't supposed to recognise a disciple of the Black Cross.

" I know everything." Lovely answered and in that moment Allen understood:

" Hide behind me, Link, she's a Noah." He said to an astonished Inspector who obeyed in silence. The girl smiled again:

" _We are_ Noahs" she corrected and another figure appeared all of a sudden. Wise had come with her, as always.

" Are you sure of this?" The older asked to Lovely, " It's fine for me if you kill the Inspector, but Walker is Road's prey, you know. She'll make a fuss if you kill him."

" I don't care! Everyone is always talking about this Allen Walker and I became curious. It's their faults for having told me of his existence in the first case, they can't blame me for his death." The little girl exclaimed stubbornly, her eyes always focused on Allen.

" And now that I see him, I don't want to let him go…" she added coming near. Allen activated, but she didn't even blink; when the Crown Clown fell on her she just stood where she was and a giant, gold cage surrounded her, protecting her from the Innocence. Allen drew back studying her as she advanced again. She kept on advancing and suddenly the exorcist's mind went numb: he left the hold on the Crown Clown and it fell at his feet.

What was happening to him? The teen was only vaguely conscious that there was something wrong, he couldn't hear Link's voice who was yelling at him to wake up and fight. Lovely advanced until she was in front of Allen:

" Do you see him, Wise? White hair and silver eyes: he's so particular; I've never seen someone as him, so, how can I let him go? I want his eyes…I'll take them when he'll be dead."

" I don't agree, Lovely, you know, we'll have to fight with Road afterwards, and the Millennium Earl…" At that name Lovely shuddered and Wise didn't dare to say more. The silence fell for a moment, then the girl said proudly:

" I don't care, they means nothing to me. If they obstacle me, we'll leave again… Because you'll come with me, won't you Wise?" she pleaded turning towards her companion, uncertain for the first time.

" Of course I will." The older Noah reassured her and the little princess smiled. This time there was something near to a real emotion in her eyes.

" Then, let's kill the exorcist! Free him from your spell, darling!" She ordered and as soon as she pronounced these words Allen regained his conscience. He fell back on Link who was still shaking him trying to wake him up.

" Walker," the Inspector warned him, " stay on your guard! The other Noah, the old one, can manipulate your will!" Allen nodded in response and rose on his feet noticing Lovely in front of him; the teen tightened his hold on the Crown Clown and attacked her. This time Lovely didn't shield herself with a cage, but forged a sword from the air which she opposed to Allen's innocence.

The exorcist was thrown back by an unknown force and fell again. He felt so weak, all of a sudden, and he didn't know why. Then, he raised his gaze and noticed that Wise was staring at him: he was the reason of Allen's weakness, again! The teen would have liked to stop him, to press the Crown Clown against his neck and oblige the Noah to free him from the spell, but he was too weak to do that… his will had been reduced to nothing…

" _I don't want to give up…" _Allen thought, and yet that numbness was so sweet, as if it was easier to breathe, and the teen didn't want to wake up form that moment of beatitude… He wanted to fight, something inside him was telling him that it was the right thing to do, and yet he couldn't remember why, there was something else that was pleading for sleep and oblivion. So Allen remained unmoved while his will was fighting against the spell of Wise.

But it wasn't the same for link. Free to act since all the eyes of the enemies were focused on the exorcist, the Inspector could reach the old Noah unnoticed and then he attacked him with the knife he always brought with him, hidden under the uniform.

Then many things happened in a few seconds.

The blade cut the throat of the old Wise in less than a second and the Noah fell on his knees.

Lovely felt the noise and turned towards her companion, she saw him, she screamed.

Link raised his gaze to search for Allen, to see if the spell had been broken, and saw the teen as he was rising on his feet, trembling. The exorcist had his right hand covering his face so that the Inspector couldn't observe his expression.

Then, slowly, very slowly, the teen lowered his hand so that his face was now visible and what Link saw froze his blood inside the veins: there was a smile upon that face, but he… that thing… it wasn't Allen! The Fourteenth stared back at Link with a savage smile upon the teen's lips.

It was absurd how the changing of personality may distort the features of one's visage and yet Link hadn't time to spare with such a futile thought, though he gazed at that face for what seemed an eternity.

Meanwhile Lovely war crying and yelling around Wise though his wound had already healed. She was shocked. Then, as soon as she finally convinced herself that the old one was all right, she turned towards Allen and Link, determinate to kill them both, but stopped when she noticed the Crown Clown abandoned somewhere near the teen. She observed the exorcist's face and understood immediately that there was something deadly wrong with him: he wasn't the same person anymore, the dark, murderous aura that came from him was different from the determinate and calm one he had before.

She observed the new enemy as he was advancing towards her with a mad smile on his face and then, a moment later, before she could even realize it, he was attacking her. A punch reached the stomach of the twelve years old girl and made her fall on the ground. The Fourteenth gazed at her body laying at his feet for a moment, a surprised, satisfied expression painted all over his features; and then he started to kick her figure, sadistically, without a very reason, only because he seemed to enjoy doing so.

Link stared at this view feeling powerless and hurt. It just hurt to see Allen in that way. The worst nightmare of all, the terrible truth predicted by Leverrier, had become reality: the Fourteenth had awakened and overwhelmed Allen's spirit. Now, no-one could tell what would have happened: they could have lost the teen forever, or maybe, with time, Allen would have found a way to regain control over his body. It didn't really matter because, whatever would have happened, from now on the teen would have been considered as an enemy by the Order.

In that moment Allen's dream of becoming an exorcist had fallen into pieces.

The Inspector felt his legs abandoning him and fell on his knees, unable to take off his eyes from the horrible scenario he was witnessing to.

Now the Fourteenth had taken the little Lovely for the neck and was throwing her away against one of the trees of the yard. She didn't move anymore, she was probably unconscious, and the monster began to advance towards her. He had almost reached the little one when a tall figure put himself between the Fourteenth and Lovely.

Wise stared at the _thing _in front of him with real disgust reflected in his eyes:

" You weren't like this last time we met, weren't you, Fourteenth?" the calm voice of the Noah seemed to echo in the air and the monster stopped walking, but stared at Wise with a blank expression: he had fallen under the Noah's spell.

Then, suddenly, the Fourteenth hit Wise throwing the old Noah away.

Link observed as the monster was coming near his new victim and started to hit Wise again and again until he stopped: he had noticed something on the ground. It was Link's knife.

The Fourteenth took the knife and observed it and then he stared at Wise. There were no doubts on what he was going to do and something inside the Inspector made him shout:

" Allen, don't do this!"

Link knew that the _thing_ wasn't Allen anymore, he knew that it was useless to shout and that there was no reason for him, a member of the Crow, to want to spare a Noah's life, but still he couldn't hold himself back. He didn't want to see it happen; he didn't want Allen to become a killer. Link himself was a killer, he knew this, a priced killer that covered his actions with an appearance of duty and false justice, but he had never regretted it for it was his path, but Allen… Allen wasn't like this, to be an assassin wasn't _his_ path. Allen was more as a saint, he didn't have to make his hands dirty with blood, he didn't have to!

Link felt his sight being obscured by a single tear and immediately dried it away, just in time to see the Fourteenth let the knife fall on the ground. For unknown reasons, the _things _was now shaking violently, unable to move, and Wise took his chance to rose on his feet and to leave, bringing the unconscious Lovely with him.

Suddenly, Link realized that he had been left alone with the Fourteenth who was now knelt on the ground, shaking and spitting blood. The Inspector didn't even have the time to feel fear that an hoarse voice came out from the monster's mouth:

" _Link, please, help me…"_

The Inspector ran beside him and saw, with unbelievable relief, that the face he was looking at was Allen's. The exorcist had come back.

" … _Link…"_

" I'm here, Walker." The Inspector replied trying to remain emotionless and failing. Before he had thought that it didn't really matter if Allen would have returned himself or not. He had lied to himself.

" _I'm sorry, Link…" _Allen whispered through the tears, his face hidden on the ground,_ " I'm so sorry, I couldn't hold him back… I swore I'd have done so and I couldn't. I'm so sorry." _The pain in the teen's voice was so intimate and intense that the Inspector felt as an intruder.

" You don't have to worry about these things, not now at least." He tried to cheer him up, " You have won over him at last and that's all that matter." Link lied. Allen probably felt it because he kept on hiding his face on the ground and crying tears of rage he wasn't able to stop.

Why? Why his will was never strong enough?

_**Author's notes- **_**Here the battle begins…**

**Are you wondering what battle has begun? My battle against the sleep, obviously! XD I'm dying for sleep-loss, I assure you! This chapter was finished at the three of the night… Yes, I know that ****this explains many things…^^''**

**Such a sad chapter, wasn't it? I was crying at the end but I guess it's normal since I'm the author… Poor Allen-kun… I'm sorry for him, but the Fourteenth had to come out, sooner or later, and this was the perfect moment for his appearance. **

**I described the Fourteenth as a savage beast, haven't I? It's because I still don't have a clear idea of what kind of person he's and I liked the image of him going berserk under the eyes of Link. Has it been a good idea??? **

**TELL ME WHAT YOU THIK, PLEASE!!!**

**And what do you think of Link's past? I tried to imagine for him a horrible childhood from which Leverrier had saved him… it was the only thing that could explain such an attachment to the Commandant from my point of vie****w. I fear I exaggerated, but I wanted to create such a situation that would make Link have no trust whatsoever in the Church or anything else, but Leverrier. Maybe I exaggerated… I don't know… Please review and tell me your opinion!**

**NOW, PLEASE, ONE LAST THING: VOTE THE POLL AND REVIEW THIS CHAPTER! If you want to vote the poll, please do it, you have to be quick for I'll soon have to close it for plot's reasons.**

…**.Thanks**** for reading this story…Goodnight**

**--Eris92--**


	19. Chapter 19 Uncertaincy

**I**** warn you, this chapter is pretty boring, but I couldn't do anything else, there were things that needed to be said before the story could go on, and so… here we are! This chapter is all about psychological analysis, so it was more difficult than usual to write it, especially the section about Link, but a part of me enjoyed writing this since it's a bit different from usual… ****Let me know what you think! ****I want to know if it's really boring, or not! **

**Soundtrack for this chapter:**

**A lot of songs by Within Temptation and in particular " Overcome" for what concerns Allen. He's pretty depressed here, but, I mean, who wouldn't be depressed with all what has happened in the previous chapter???**

CHAPTER XIX- **UNCERTAINCY**

_Headquarters of the Black Order, morning_

Allen was finally alone in his own room; even Link had thought that he needed some moment alone to reflect on what had happened in Australia and, honestly, solitude was everything the teen could desire in that moment.

He felt useless, he felt stupid, for he had failed. He had failed being an exorcist, he had failed the promise he had made to Mana, and he had failed the aim of his whole life. His self had shattered into pieces the very moment when the Fourteenth had appeared. He felt as if he didn't have the right to be Allen Walker anymore.

And yet, the teen knew that he just couldn't let himself go, he could not give up because… because he had never given up in his whole life and he didn't knew the meaning of the word "surrender". Really, somehow it was easier for him to fight than to give up since he was used to face every possible problem that may occur, from akuma to Cross' debts, and not to remain unmoved in front of the misfortunes of life.

Still, Allen couldn't convince himself to wake up and to come out of his room. He couldn't get himself to face the others, his companions, who were surely disappointed and disgusted by him. He had promised them that he would have protected everyone, that he wouldn't have let the Fourteenth have his way, but he had failed to keep both these promises: he had allowed the Noah to overwhelm his spirit and now how could the teen claim to protect everyone if he wasn't even able to defend himself?

Allen felt ashamed of himself as a child who makes a lot of promises and then, once he has grown up, realizes that he has sworn to do what's impossible. The idea of having failed everyone was just too much for his pride to bear and it wasn't even the worst. There was something far more painful that was torturing him and it was that a part of him had liked to be the Fourteenth, a part of him had enjoyed the feeling while he was hitting Lovely. He had felt strong, so strong that no-one would have ever been able to stop him, and he had liked it. That was the reason why he hadn't been able to return to his real self until Wise had remembered him…

" _You weren't like this last time we met, weren't you?"_

Those words had brought back to him memories Allen hadn't known to possess, strange, warm memories about a family, happy times, laughs and smiles, something sweet and painful at the same time. Those memories had made the Fourteenth hesitate, but only the Noah's decision to kill Wise had woken up Allen's conscience, remembering him that he had to fight back, to regain possess of his body.

The teen buried his face in the pillow to hide tears of shame. Why was he still crying? It was three days that he was crying no-stop, unable to come out from that room which had now taken the form of a prison in his thoughts, a blessed prison.

Three days of complete isolation and he still didn't have the courage to face the others. It surely was a stupid way of acting, Allen knew that he was behaving as a broken-hearted little girl, and yet he couldn't help it.

All his certainties had fallen.

What was he going to do now? Everyone trusted him, everyone loved him and thought him to be a good exorcist and, instead, not only had he let himself be overwhelmed by a Noah, but it had even enjoyed the feeling of being powerful. He was really the worst, he didn't deserve to be there, at the Headquarters, he should have entrusted himself to Leverrier and accepted the death-sentence. This kind of thoughts were appearing and disappearing continuously from him.

He thought about what happened after he had returned. He remembered clearly to have busted into tears in front of Link. To think about it now, the teen felt ashamed of the weakness he had shown, but in that moment he couldn't have cared less of what the inspector may have thought of him; it had been an explosion of genuine grief, and, while he was lost in that grief, Allen had forgotten every scrap of dignity and control.

" _Now the Earl know that you're the __Fourteenth…"_ Link had said the day before, trying to distract the teen from his depression and to provoke a reaction whatsoever.

" _They already knew…"_ Allen replied with a gloomy voice surprising the Inspector.

If the teen had been in his normal faculties, he would have never said something that in theory he shouldn't have known, but, upset as he had been, he hadn't thought of the meaning of his words.

" _How do you know this?"_ Link obviously asked him, but Allen had refused to answer, he just said that he knew it and that was all. Now the Inspector probably suspected him to be in contact with the Noahs at least, if not with the Earl himself, but for some, strange, reason Allen didn't care.

The teen was still lost in his depressed thoughts when someone knocked at the door. Allen rose unwillingly from the bed and went to open.

_Meanwhile…_

Link was advancing towards Leverrier's office.

It gave him a strange idea of déjà-vù. How many times in the past had he directed his paces across that corridor? Thousand, hundred of thousand, he thought, and yet he felt always the same mixture of yearning and fear filling him upside down. It was simply the effect Leverrier had over him, the fight between the wish to please him and the fear he may fail and loose the esteem the Commandant had for him.

Again, Link thought: how many times had he heard the echo of his quick paces, wondering why was he so afraid of the man he had sworn loyalty to. Usually you should be happy to see someone you love, shouldn't you? You shouldn't fear him, isn't that so? But Link feared Leverrier, it was undeniable.

_Why?_

The Inspector didn't have a clear answer to give to himself, the question was still there, after years of wondering, after all the hundred of thousand times he had walked across that corridor. Maybe it was due to the unpredictable behaviour of the Commandant, or maybe to his lack of ethic that sometimes made him appear like a selfish tyrant, or maybe… it was useless to make hypothesis over hypothesis, Link didn't have the answer, he never had. Only he had always known that despite his fear of that strange man, despite all his lacks, the Inspector loved Leverrier in such deep a way that it excluded every idea of betrayal. And yet it wasn't a love based on esteem, it couldn't even be called love maybe, because, actually, it was something else, something more tragic and pathetic, something almost morbid.

Of course Link was grateful to the Commandant for having saved him when he was a child, surely, he had been his saviour, his angel, he had loved him for this, but with time things had changed. Leverrier had become a model to him in his empty, unsatisfied, life. In an existence lived inside the walls of a religious institute, where things as right or wrong were so rigidly defined, and divided, irreconcilable, Link had found in Leverrier the model of human nature, a frightening mix of good and evil, something that had nothing of absolute and certain.

The Inspector could not believe in saints of unbreakable faith, or in devils of utter evilness, he just couldn't do it for he had never known someone as such, but this man who was always trying to keep balance between sanctity and damnation, who had never denied his nature, yes, in this man he could believe. It was something he could see and trust, that mixture of goodness and evilness, something Link could taste even in his own soul.

Leverrier had been chosen by the Inspector as a model even knowing that he wasn't a good man, even thought Link had always desired to be good, always. This was the astonishing fact; this was the mystery without answer. He didn't really esteem Leverrier as a person, he was disgusted and scared by the Commandant, and yet he loved him.

Link loved him in an almost protective way, because he knew that Leverrier's malice didn't derive from evilness, but from a strange ingenuity. Yes, he knew that it was something as a paradox to call the Commandant, the master of plotting, an ingénue, and yet he was, because Leverrier was a dreamer in his own way and he usually didn't realize completely the consequences of his actions. This had always caused him to perform acts of unimaginable mercy as deeds of unbelievable cruelness.

" He doesn't know what he does" was the excuse Link had always used to justify his Commandant, is favourite one because it was such an human excuse! Hadn't used it Jesus Christ himself speaking about men?

" _Forgive them, because they don't know what they do". _No sentence could define human nature better than that: humans do not know what they do, and why should them, if knowledge always brings pain and a desperate shade of resignation? Think about Faust and all those men who were said to possess an infinite knowledge: were they happy? Did knowledge really help them through their life? Or did it bring only silent desperation and a desolate solitude? No, it was better to know nothing and, especially, not to know what you're doing. Ignorance brings a blessed peace and a cursed innocence that men can not reach in any other way.

A part of Link envied the Commandant for his "ingenuity", but most of all, Link felt that he had to protect him from the others and from himself. Yes, the Inspector couldn't help but thought that he was a sort of guardian angel of Leverrier, a black-winged angel maybe, but still something with a mission in this world and he felt comforted by this childish thought.

Of course, the idea of the Commandant needing Link's protection was ridiculous and the Inspector would have never said it out loud, but it existed, somehow the young man really believed that Leverrier needed him. And yet, this pervert form of love was only one of the thousand bounds that tied him to that obscure character.

Finally, Link reached the door of the Commandant's office, he knocked and entered.

Leverrier was there, seated in front of him, a long letter in his hands, but he wasn't reading it, his eyes were focused on his subordinate. The Inspector knew what was written on that letter since he was the author of it. It was a report on the last mission he had been sent in with Allen and it included the changing of Walker into the Fourteenth. Link didn't had the courage to tell all this to Leverrier by voice, so he had sent that letter and now he was there, he had to speak in front of him. He panicked and tried to hide it.

" So, Link Inspector, everything went as it was predicted. It is a relief for me to know that Walker has surrendered to the Fourteenth, now I can condemn him without feeling any remorse since there's no doubt about his being guilty."

" Now there are no doubts about _the Fourteenth _being guilty, my Commandant. About Allen Walker we just know that he actually fought the Noah back and won at last." Link noticed and Leverrier sighed:

" It's true, and yet we can no trust someone who holds such a beast inside him, Inspector." Link silently gave up. If it was true that he loved Allen deeply, he also couldn't deny that he agreed with Leverrier's reasoning. Link lowered his gaze feeling beaten, but Leverrier stared at him intensely:

" I don't understand why everyone is so attached to that Allen Walker. Even you, Link-kun, seems to love him: why?" there was no accuse in the Commandant's voice, but a strange anxiety, a genuine curiosity which Link had never seen on his face. The Inspector hesitated: what could he answer? At the end he decided to speak honestly and the words he pronounced came straight from his heart:

" Commandant, all the compatibles with the Innocence are called saints, people say that they're chosen by God and someone maybe even believe so, but the truth is that they're just human beings, we all know that." Leverrier open his mouth as to answer that it wasn't true, but Link spoke first: " Please, Commandant, let me finish. I know that it may sound disrespectful, but so it is: they're human beings, they do suffer and love as everyone else, they're not better than the others, they're no saints of unbreakable faith, some of them do even hate God and the Black Order! Some fought with us for money, others do this to live, and few of them really fight to save the Earth.

But Allen Walker is different from all these, he fights to save the human race because he loves them, this cursed, hopeless people who don't know anything, who don't understand him. He doesn't care if people do hate him because he's strange or because he thinks that akuma are to be pitied, he just cares for everyone. And people feel this, these very persons that don't understand him, feel that they can trust him. That's what makes Allen Walker special, that's why everyone loves him. If there is a saint in the Black Order, it's him and, honestly, it's painful to hear that he has to die, that he will be killed by those he's desperately searching to save!"

Link made a pause to catch some breathe:

" Commandant, are you sure that there is no way to save him? No way to exorcise the Noah inside him? No spell that may seal the evil inside him?" Link's voice was severe and controlled as always, but his words were a plea! He was actually pleading Leverrier to save Allen!

The Commandant stared back at him as if he was a phantom, then he closed his eyes and abandoned himself on the chair with a tired gesture. Suddenly he seemed older than he actually was, as if the worries had added the weight of many other years on his shoulders. It was a gesture strangely human and intimate from the part of a man who had always cared for looking severe and invincible. Link had never seen him this vulnerable.

" Link," Leverrier said calling the Inspector by his first name, a thing that he rarely did, " I had told you not to get affectionate to that boy…" Again, there was no accuse in these words, it was more the kind of thing a father may say to a stubborn son.

" I know, Commandant" Link answered and then silenced. What else could he add? He had said the truth, all the truth he knew, but one last thing: when Link had been a child he couldn't believe in the saints and demons the teachers always spoke about, he could not understand them, he could not trust them, because he knew no-one as them, but he had loved Leverrier because it seemed so human to him, because he was something he could believe in, with all his faults and virtues, something real.

But now Link had found his "saint" in who he can believe, someone that he still couldn't understand, but that he could trust, because he knew him: Allen. To him Allen was the living proof that good people does really exist, and he wasn't going to let him be killed for the obscure desires of a stranger, not even if that stranger was the Pope.

_Meanwhile…_

Someone knocked at the door. Allen rose on his feet and opened it slightly, as old people do in films. He meant to see who it was and to close the door again, but as soon as he opened someone slashed the door open.

Two voices echoed in the room together: " Go on, moyashii, it's time to come out from this filthy hide-out!"

Kanda and Lavi rushed into the room literally shouting these words. The former seemed angry and threatening, as always, and the latter cheerful ( and this isn't a surprise also…).

Allen tried to protest, he made them notice that it was _his room_, and not the hide-out of a outlaw, but the two exorcists came near him and took him out of the room by force. While fighting against the two, each of them was actually taller and stronger than him, Allen noticed that there were Lenalee, Marie, Miranda, Bookman and Angel too, all around him, inciting Kanda and Lavi to not have pity of him. The teen was a bit scared as they were taking him away.

Then, finally, they reached the Cafeteria and Lavi obliged Allen to seat at the table while all the others where surrounding him to prevent his escape. The teen raised his gaze to stare at each of them, and he shuddered noticing how threatening their faces were.

" H-H-Hello…" he tried, in a pitiful attempt to smile.

" Allen Walker," Lenalee said solemnly, " have you any idea of why you're here?"

" No, I mean, yes, maybe…" Allen stopped feeling more stupid that always. Lenalee had the same expression she had had when she had slapped him in the face during their first mission together in the rewinding town. She was frightening, Kanda was as threatening as always, and even Lavi wasn't smiling anymore.

Allen felt like dying. He hadn't imagined them to be _so_ angry with him. He had thought that they would have avoided him, that they would have looked at him with disgust, not that they would have scolded him like this. It was the worst.

" Allen, we can't forgive you this!" Lenalee yelled angry.

" Of course," Lavi confirmed, " we can't absolutely forgive you for trying to exclude us from your life. I mean, you've passed three whole days avoiding us! Three days refusing to talk with us, refusing even to see our faces! Have you any idea of how much Lenalee has cried?" Lavi asked annoyed and the Chinese exorcist behind him nodded in agreement.

Allen stared at them unable to understand what was happening. His friends were obviously mad at him, but it was the reason of their anger which he could not get… They were mad because... because he had refused to see them in those last three days? Only this? Obviously there was something wrong; maybe they hadn't still understood what he had done. The teen tried to explain this, but Kanda stopped him:

" We know everything, stupid moyashi. The Fourteenth overwhelmed you for some moment and then? Do you think this to be a valid reason to hide your face for the rest of your life? You asshole… COWARD! Stand still and face what will come instead of hiding yourself! While you were spending your days crying in your room as the heroine of a gothic romance, it was me who had to suffer these two idiots!" Kanda pointed at Lavi and Lenalee with the most annoyed and disgusted of the gestures.

Allen stared at the swordsman for a moment, wondering if it was the case to answer to his challenge, then the teen exploded and started laughing. He laughed and laughed for what seemed hours.

" Here we've lost Allen…" Lavi commented, " I told you that it wasn't the case to be so harsh with him, Yuu-chan…"

" Shut up, you stupid rabbit!"

" Please, can you stop arguing for once? We have a more important problem now." Angel tried to pacify Kanda, but the only answer she was able to get was an annoyed: " Whatever".

" S-sorry guys," Allen tried to stop the fits of laughs, " It's only… I don't know myself why I'm acting this way, I just can't stop." He said and kept on laughing.

" I said it, we've lost poor Allen…"

" SHUT UP, LAVI!" Angel and Lenalee voiced together.

Finally the white haired exorcist regained control of himself:

" I can't believe that I'm really saying this," he began, " but Kanda's right: I'm acting as a coward." He sighed " I'm sorry of that, but I feel like I haven't the right to face you all anymore." Allen admitted in an outburst of sincerity. The others exchanged worried looks and at the end Lenalee spoke:

" Allen, you don't have to blame yourself like this. We're all sure that you did your best and, besides this, at the end you won over the Noah, didn't you? That's all that matters."

" Can't you understand it? That's the point: my best was not enough! No matter how much I fight him, I can't beat him completely; he's always here, waiting for his moment."

" Then become stronger." Marie stated simply. Allen stared back at him in confusion, but Marie kept on talking, explaining:

" Other people has said _"my best was not enough"_ before, but what was the result of this? They gave up and lose. Once I knew someone else who said these very words, but this person didn't give up: he held on his aim and became stronger, far stronger than he had ever hoped to become, and he survived." Marie gave a look at Kanda while saying this, as to declare that it was the swordsman the one he was talking about. The Japanese man didn't confirm the allusion, but looked away.

Anyway, Allen had understood what Marie meant: he could not stop and cry on his present misfortunes; if his actual strength was not enough, he would have become stronger and hold on his dream. Yes, Allen thought, he liked that solution. The teen smiled at Marie and then at all the others.

Yes, now he felt that he could manage it. He could even beat the Fourteenth, and not because of some stupid ingénue idea as "because my friends are with me", but simply because now he could see that there was no other way: he had to beat the Fourteenth, he couldn't allow himself to betray the trust of the others another time.

Next time he would have showed to that Noah where his place was!

Allen smiled more widely, and in the same moment someone shouted: " Who wants Jerry's mitarashi dango???"

After this in Allen's mind there was no place for the Fourteenth anymore. ^^

**Author's notes— Trapped inside the chaos---**

**Then? How was this chapter? I know, It's short and it's boring, isn't it? If you do agree, or if, instead, you think this to have been interesting, please, let me know! **

**From the "story traffic" service I can see that there is a lot of people reading this fic and I always wonder: why almost nobody leaves a review? Is that difficult? Do you know how much of a satisfaction it is to see reviews, even if they just say: "This story is a terrible mess"???**

**Pleaaaaseeeeeeee, review!**

**Goodnight to everyone, ( sorry, but I write at night and so this is my way to say "bye")**

**Eris92**

**Rome, 26.02.10**


	20. Chapter 20 Checkmate at the Black Order

**Chapter XX!! This's a record for me… **

**I've died waiting to write this chapter, I swear! Finally a bit of real action and, obviously, ****RoadxAllen! **

**I'm sorry for having made you wait so long before uploading this chapter but I returned last night from a school trip in Greece. I do love that country!!! Athens is a very beautiful city and I have been conquered by the Delphi's site! The tomb of Atreus at Mycenae, instead, terrified me. I entered there alone and… well, I felt a strange atmosphere there, so aggressive… It was only a feeling, but it was so creepy that I had to come away from there after a few minutes. I couldn't stand that atmosphere. It was terrible. Besides this, the architecture of the building is impressive, fascinating… I assure you, it felt incredible to see those places after having studied those things for four years…( I actually study at a Liceo Classico, I don't know how this can be translated in English, but I study ancient Latin and Greek language and literature, history of the arts and so on…). Now, stop with my ramblings! Go and read this strange chapter!**

**Soundtrack:**

" **Le ciel" by Malice Mizer**

" **Noesis" by Gackt**

CHAPTER XX—**CHECKMATE AT THE BLACK ORDER**

…_Noah's house, morning…._

Road was more worried than she had never been in her long life. She had heard the hysteric tale of Lovely, who had described Allen as a monster, a savage beast, and from her words the disciple of dream understood that the Fourteenth had come back.

The Fourteenth… he was a sort of nightmare to her: thirty years before that madman had tried to destroy the Millennium Earl, her "father", and now he wanted to take over Allen. This was unforgivable. To try to destroy those she loved the most, she couldn't allow this, she wasn't going to let him do as he pleased with Allen. The teen was hers; no-one could dare to lean a finger upon him!

With these thoughts in her mind, Road closed the book she was trying to read and went towards a big door with the word " First" carved upon it. She knocked two times.

" Come on." A familiar voice called from inside. Road breathed deeply and opened the door with a false, big smile painted on her face.

" Hi, Earl!" she said, forcing herself to appear joyfully.

" Road," he called out in surprise, " what takes you here at this hour? It's an half past six, you know?"

" Yes, Millennium Count, but I took a decision and I thought that you have to know this." She answered, polite for the first time since her birth as a Noah.

" What kind of decision? Is it related to the Allen Walker problem?" He asked suspicious.

" Yes sir," she confirmed, " I thought you have to know that since this evening he won't be a problem ever again." She forced her smile to be even wider.

" Are you going to attack him today?"

" I'm going to attack the whole Order for the lunch-time. I'll bring some akuma with me so that the other exorcists won't be able to bother me as I'll focus on Allen."

" Allen… You always call him by name, Road, that's inopportune since he's an enemy of us all. This confidence you give to him… it may cause some problem." The Earl said hesitant and Road pretended to be offended:

" What? You're scolding me, Earl? Though I've just declared that I'm going to kill him today, you're still scolding me for calling Allen by his first name? That's the most stupid thing you've done in years, you know, Earl?" she joked, but under the joke the Millennium Count felt something odd and dangerous, at least from Road.

" Do as you please, then, my child." The Earl gave up, " But be aware that I won't tolerate any failure!" he warned her: " We've already been far too indulgent with this exorcist. We can't let him alive anymore."

" I know, Millennium Count." Road said in a tone of agreement and yet her gaze was so serious… so unlike her… like the forced smile she gave him before leaving.

Road closed the door behind her, another thing she had never done in thirty-six years during which they had shared the same house, and the Earl noticed it. Something inside him, maybe a fatherly intuition, told him that Road was taking too seriously this "Allen Walker matter", but he didn't call the Noah back, he just stared at the door for an instant before re-starting decorating his new hat( Author: He had chosen a theme of candies and red ribbons XD).

_Cafeteria, Headquarters of the Black Order, lunch-time._

If there was a moment in the whole Black Order which was thought holy, it was lunch-time, when everybody (exorcists, scientists, finders, supporters and so on…) gathered together to eat the divine food cooked by Jerry ( Believe me, after hours and hours of hard work everything restoring may seem divine ^^).

Between all the people who was crowding the Cafeteria there were, obviously, our exorcists: Allen, Lavi, Lenalee, Kanda, Chaoji. They all, except Kanda, seated all together at the same table with Angel and Link.

" Ehy," Lavi declared, " today finally seems to be a peaceful, normal, day without akuma, nor Noahs, nor strange Commandants around. Really, it's a pity that the old Panda and Miranda were sent in mission… Otherwise we'll be all here together by this time…"

" Marie is missing too." Lenalee noticed.

" And Kanda-chan is here at the Headquarters and yet he doesn't seem to have any intention of joining us…" Angel added depressed, directing her gaze towards a certain black haired exorcist who was ignoring them from the other corner of the room.

" Go on, Angel!" Allen tried to reassure her, " Ba-Kanda is like this, you know! He has never joined us in years! What you did last time, when you convinced him, was a miracle, not a common thing."

" I'd like to believe so, but it's a week since he started ignoring me… He avoids me and last time, when I actually forced him to answer me, he said he doesn't have time _to play with me. _Yes, you've understood well, he didn't have time_ to pay with me_! I mean: is he joking, or what? I didn't do anything to deserve this rude behaviour from him! Nothing worst than the usual at least…" The woman seemed angry now, all of a sudden. Lavi gazed at her amazed: it wasn't the first time he had the chance to notice how impressive it was the speed with which Angel was able to switch from the depressed-mode to the angry-mode and vice versa.

Allen's thoughts were not so different:

" _Women,"_ he thought, _" They're a mystery! They do change their mood so easily! Lenalee, Angel, Road, they all… wait… Am I comparing these two to Road? Oh, please, someone shoot me! I'm going insane…"_

Yes, Allen thought he was going insane and his doubts about his own sanity only increased when he imaged to have seen his personal torment, Road, among the crowds in the Cafeteria.

" _That's the worst… now I'm imagining things!" _He was thinking as a girl very similar to Road kept on advancing. Allen knew that she couldn't really be the Noah he feared, the girl was wearing the uniform of the supporters after all, but for some strange reason he couldn't take his eyes off from her.

The girl smiled to him and Allen shuddered. Was she really smiling to him? To Allen?

" _Impossible."_ The teen thought and yet she seemed to advance exactly in his direction. Her face was so similar to Road's… and yet she couldn't be the Noah, she absolutely couldn't be her! They were in the Headquarters after all, there was no way a Noah could enter there unnoticed!

Then the girl seated beside him and lowered the hood of her coat as she was saying:

" **Hi, Allen." **

That voice could not be mistaken.

The teen froze until his very bones.

He opened his mouth and shouted: " IT'S HERE! A NOAH'S HERE!" But he couldn't even end the sentence that he had been already sucked in another world.

" **It's here****! A Noah's here!"**

At these words everyone in the Cafeteria turned towards Allen hoping that it was all a bad joke, the memory of when Lulubell had attacked the Headquarters was still too vivid for them, but unfortunately it was not. As soon as they directed their gazes towards the exorcist, they saw a big, baroque door floating in the air and akuma coming from it.

Many of the finders, the older ones, immediately reacted at the attack using their talismans, the younger instead were overwhelmed by panic and tried to hide themselves or to run away. It was useless: whatever they could try to do was useless against akuma of third or fourth level. And, indeed, there were five level four, one for every exorcist present in the Cafeteria, or so it'd have been, if only Allen had been able to fight, but he wasn't: he had been eaten by Road's trap…

_Somewhere, in another world…_

When Allen opened his eyes, he was no longer in the Cafeteria with the others, but in what seemed a no-place. There were no other words to describe the strange surrounding he was in: in that place there was no space, nor limits, nor time, he couldn't see anything, but strange spots of colours everywhere. Wherever he was, Allen realized that that place wasn't real, nothing was real there. It was another dimension, another world.

After this, Allen realized that he was kneeling on the ground (if a ground existed in that kind of place), his hands were tied behind his head by cords, but when he tried to move his arms or to shake his head, he couldn't do this at all. His whole body was paralyzed.

Allen panicked. His body was frozen-like! He had been imprisoned in another dimension by Road and he couldn't do anything to save himself from such a situation, he couldn't react in any possible way! Allen felt the adrenaline and the fear rise inside him, his heart started racing faster, but nothing, his body didn't move. Of course he could see what was in front of him and his ears could hear, but he couldn't get his muscles to work. The teen tried to open his mouth to shout, but he failed, he couldn't do even this.

He was imprisoned inside his own body. It was horrible, it was frightening. Was this a consequence of Road's powers too? He wondered and as soon as he thought that, the voice of the Noah answered him from nowhere:

" Of course that's because of me!" She chuckled " And now you'll finally mine, Allen, as I promised. I always keep my promises, I told you this…"

The silhouette of Road appeared from the shadows and she advanced slowly, lightly, as if she was dancing, coming always nearer, her hands behind her back, a big, sweet smile of happiness upon her lips. Allen would have liked to shout at her, to ask what had happened to his friends, to question her on where they were, but he couldn't force his lips to open, his mouth to speak. His body didn't obey to _his_ will anymore.

Road came in front of him and bowed so that her face was a few inches distant from his. Allen would have wanted to draw back and say to her to stop with a threatening expression, but he couldn't: his body obliged him to keep on staring at her with an emotionless face. He couldn't change his facial-expression; he couldn't show his disappointments in any possible way. So horrible.

" I'm sorry that you have to stay in that uncomfortable position, Allen, but otherwise you would never stay quiet… Do you remember? I offered you the possibility to join me freely, but you rejected me. It's your fault, my beloved exorcist; it's your fault for having rejected me…" She said sadly and then added:

" And I know that you would reject me again if you had the chance, that's why I had to freeze you body: if I hadn't done so, now you'd be staring at me with that angry, disgusted look of yours, and I don't want to see it, I wouldn't be able to bear it…" She murmured, her eyes focused on his, with a desperate expression on her face. She acted as if a word from Allen's part would have been enough to destroy her; she seemed to plea him to understand her.

Allen would have wanted to answer many things, he yearned to say that he had never looked at her with disgust, that he had never rejected her, that he had just done what he had to, that there was no other way out, that… No matter how many things he was hiding in his heart, he couldn't show them, for he couldn't talk. He just kept on staring at her with that emotionless face of his.

Road smiled sweetly and leaned her body against Allen's:

" Your eyes are so beautiful, my beloved… Silver eyes, I've never seen anything like them…"

She brushed tenderly his hair with her fingers, smiling and chuckling. She seemed to love doing so, caressing him as if he was a beautiful doll, and yet there was something seducing and mischievous in the way she was touching him. She smiled again while kissing his cheek:

" I love you, Allen," she murmured in his ear, and the teen felt her warm breath on his skin, " even if you don't want to, I won't ever let you go for I need you…"

The teen heard all this, he could feel her hands on him, but he couldn't escape her pitiless fingers, he couldn't plea her to stop or tell her how cruel she was to torture him like this. He would have wanted to be free to move, to avenge himself on her, to make her feel how it was to have another's hands on you without being able to react, but they were all intentions and dreams since he couldn't move at all. Allen was her prisoner, her slave, and he could do nothing to change it: even when Road kissed his lips and let her hands slip down his neck and under the coat, he couldn't reject her, he couldn't free himself from the spell she had casted upon him. Allen felt her warm hands on his shoulder at first, and then lower, across the backbone.

It was something perverse, the mix of pain on pleasure that her touch could cause at the same time, and the male nature of the teen felt again the impulse to punish her for the shameless freedom she was showing touching him so, against his will. He would have wanted to push her back on the floor and do the same to her, he wanted to imprison her and abuse of her to his liking as she was doing with him in that moment.

And yet, though his pride made it all so painful, though his duty as an exorcist was imposing him to reject her, Allen couldn't deny anymore what he had always known, deep inside: a part of him was attracted by Road, it had always been, and that part of him longed for her hands to caress him again and again, for her lips to kiss him as she was doing now. That part of him desired her more than anything else and was actually enjoying that moment of blessed powerlessness.

" _But, even so, it shouldn't had been like this, Road shouldn't be doing this by force…"_ Allen thought desperately.

" But, Allen," she said, answering directly to his thoughts, " you wouldn't ever agree to be mine on your own will! I tried to convince you, but you refused me, we've already spoken about this." She declared and then added, murmuring sweetly in his ear in a seductive way, the voice full of regret: " You just had to hold me tightly between your arms, you just had to say that you loved me, and I'd have given you a sweet, eternal, dream where we would have been together forever, and you would have been the master of it, everything would have followed your wishes… you'd have been able to do whatever you wanted of me…" she whispered slowly.

" _But it would have been just a dream, nothing real!" _ Allen protested in his thoughts.

" Nothing real? And what is real, Allen? And what is not? Why shouldn't this world be as real as the one you've lived in until now? It's only a matter of point of views… Look at me: compared to the Road you see here, the one you've know in the normal world is only a pale shadow of the real Road! I'm far much real than anything you've known before, Allen…" She said and kissed him with tenderness:

" So? Doesn't this feel real enough to you, my dear?" she asked him smiling sweetly: " I've always dreamed to have you in my power as you're now, you know? You're just irresistible, even now, even when your soul is actually parted from your body, even now you're just irresistible to me, Allen. I can't live without you anymore." She stated, embracing him tightly, her head hidden in his bare chest.

" _Then she won't kill me?" _Allen thought, _" She said so, she had said that she would have killed me!"_

" You may say so…" Road declared staring at him, " Your mortal body will die, Allen, but your soul will live forever inside me, in this dreamland… I will steal your soul from your body and take it here to live with me forever… You just have to accept, Allen, and you'll be immortal with me!"

" _Never!"_ Allen thought desperately. Now more than ever, he wanted to run away from her, but he could not.

" What?" Road asked with a mad light in her eyes, " You want to run away from me, Allen? Me who does love you more than anyone else in this world? Look back at your past: Mana cared for you only because he believed you to be his brother; Cross had pretended to train you, but he was only using you, he was interested only in fulfilling his promise to the Fourteenth; your "friends" exorcists say to love you, but all they do love is the mask of goodness you show them! No-one of them tried to understand the real you, no-one went beyond your fake smiles, Allen, accept this, I'm the only one who loves everything of you, the real you!" She raged rising on her feet, breathing hard as if saying those words had sucked out every energy from her. Road stared at Allen as if he had stabbed her, then she hid her face behind her hands and slowly fell on her knees:

" Why can't you accept me?" she murmured, trying to hide the tears, " Why are you trying to run away from me? No-one can run away from me, Allen, no-one." She declared.

" Now I'll show you what happens to those who abandon me, my dear." She said in a cold voice the teen had never heard from her; and then, suddenly, her tune of voice changed and became half-dreaming-like:

" No, I've a better idea, Allen, I want to tell you my story. Do you want to hear it? Yes? Good boy, but before I began I have to introduce you to my mother!" she exclaimed joyful, exploding in a small laugh, caught in another of her sudden changing of mood that made her act as a madwoman.

Road made a gesture and a figure appeared from nowhere. It was a woman, or so Allen thought at first, but then the being came nearer and the teen understood that it was a doll of human size, a doll which could walk and speak with a human voice! And indeed, it was a human voice the one which came out from that imitation of a body and called out:

" Road, where are you? My daughter… I've lost my daughter… Where is she? Where is my daughter?"

Allen stared at the doll shocked: could it really be Road's mother? A laugh brought him back to reality. It was Road, she was laughing, as if there was something terribly funny in the painful voice of the doll.

" Have you seen her, Allen? She was my mother, she tried to abandon me, and see? Now her soul is imprisoned here and she searches for me always, day and night, but she can't see me, she can't hear my voice and so she'll never find me! That's her punishment. A right punishment, don't you think so, my dear?" she asked.

Allen didn't know what to think, he couldn't understand… Why? The voice of the doll kept on resonating in the space: " Where is my daughter?" she was asking, " Where is my Road?". And Road was there, almost beside her, but she couldn't see her. It all was just uselessly painful and the teen couldn't understand: why?

" Oh, Allen, I see that you don't understand. Don't worry, it's normal, since you don't know the whole story! But now I'll explain you and everything will become clear…" the Noah declared.

Road came near again and once her face was a few inches from Allen's she began to speak in a half- dreaming voice:

" _Do you want to know what she has done to be punished like this, Allen? Do you want to know my story?" _She asked again, and then, before he could even formulate an answer, she began to tell her tale with the same dreaming, unnatural voice. Allen could do nothing but hear what she was saying and see the images she was sending to his mind. And so the tale began:

" _Once upon a time,_

_in a land far, far away from here, _

_lived an happy family._

_This family was composed by a handsome man, his beautiful wife,_

_and their little daughter._

_They were very fond of each other, so, _

_though the misery of their life, they were very happy._

_But one day, while he was working, _

_the man died in an accident._

_It was the beginning of the end._

_His wife couldn't accept his death and she started to drink. _

_She became an alcholist, she lose her work,_

_and, at the end, she became violent._

_After this she started to drink all the day and so, in those desperate days,_

_she found in her daughter the perfect victim for her violence._

_She was not bad,_

_she was only a weak woman._

_That's why when she was drunk she used to hit her daughter until the little was half-dead, _

_but then, in the rare moments of clearness of mind, she used to cure her and to cry_

_asking for her daughter to forgive what she had done. _

_A__nd so the girl always had to comfort her weak mother _

_and to say that, yes, she had already forgiven her. _

_After all, she was her mom, she loved her and couldn't bear to see her suffer._

_But then, one day, as her mother was crying excuses,_

_the girl realized all of a sudden that _

_she hated the woman in front of her from the bottom of her heart._

_The strange thing was that she didn't hate her mother because she had beaten her for years, _

_but because she was begging to be forgiven._

_Do you understand what the girl was feeling, Allen?_

_If her mother had hit her because she thought it to be right, _

_the little one would have never hated her, _

_but her mother's violence didn't come out from a lucid reasoning,_

_but from the weakness of her mind, instead. _

_The girl hated her mother because she was weak, _

_s__he would have liked so much to torture the woman to show her how it had to be done…_

_ Do not repent, just act and love what you do! _

_That's what the girl would have liked to shout at her._

_And then, one day, the little one saw her worst nightmare and her most beautiful dream became both reality._

_Stigmata appeared on her forehead and they began to hurt like Hell;_

_Her mother called her a "__little wretched monster" and abandoned her._

_Her worst nightmare had become true._

_But then a strange, sweet, man,_

_Who called himself the Millennium Earl, _

_c__ame for her._

_He saved her; he adopted her and gave her new powers;_

_h__e explained that she was no monster, _

_h__umans were the monsters, instead._

_And so the little girl could realize her dream:_

_s__he returned to her birth town and went searching for her mother._

_She found the woman in the middle of a desert street._

_She was drinking._

_Now the girl was more powerful of her mother and she could finally took her away from that cruel world_

_a__nd gave her a new home in a magic place where everything was subdued to the will of her daughter._

_There the little one could finally stay with her mother as long as she pleased_

_a__nd she could torture her to show her _

_w__hat's the right way to destroy someone."_

So Road ended her tale, her sweet eyes horribly in contrast with her frightening story. She slowly licked Allen's tears from his emotionless face; and then she stared at him with wide, calm eyes and asked:

" _Why are you crying, Allen? Do you think this story to be so sad? After all, there is a happy ending, am I right? Don't you like the happy endings?"_

Allen would have wanted to answer, to shout, to move and show his disagreement somehow, but there, in Road's world, his body didn't respond to _his_ will anymore. It was hers and the only reaction he was allowed to show were his tears. Tears of sadness for Road, for her mother, for their distorted, unhappy, life.

The Noah felt it and declared:

" Do not dare to pity me, Allen! I know what you're thinking: even now, even now that you're in my power and that I'm using you, even now that I'm showing you how cruel and perverse I may be, even now you're _pitying _me! Don't dare, don't dare! If there is someone here who should be pitied it's you, not me! I have a family, I have people who do love me, I have an aim in my life, but what do _you_ have? Nothing!" She shouted as if she was trying to convince herself more than Allen. She couldn't bear the idea of the exorcist pitying her: Road wanted Allen to love her, or at least to hate her, but that useless, wretched, pity… she didn't want it, for pity is something you can feel for someone you think weak or miserable, not for someone that provokes in you strong emotions.

This was one of those moments when the teen could feel how fragile and lonely Road was, how desperately she was searching for warmth, for someone to love her in an absolute way. Allen knew all this, he understood it, but, even if a part of him would have liked to, he couldn't be that person, he couldn't be the one to save her and to comfort her.

He was an exorcist, she was a Noah: they were enemies and no matter how much the teen would have liked Road to become his ally, she would have never been so, she would have never betrayed her family. Allen respected her for this, but it didn't change the way things were.

" How naïve you are, my dear…" Road said answering to his thoughts, " You live in a world where everything is black or white, you don't know shapes… Somehow, the world you live in is falser than my dream." She stated, "Allen, now your soul is inside me, you don't have any other choice left: you can follow your inner desires and remain here with me, or you can reject me and be destroyed. Don't you think me able to destroy you? Do you think that my love for you will stop me? No, my dear, if you hurt me, I'll destroy you surely." She declared fiercely as a single tear was falling from her big eye on her dark cheek.

Allen loved the contrast between her golden eyes and her dark skin, but he wouldn't ever say it to Road. The teen hesitated, getting lost between the two choices he could make, and yet he already knew what answer he would give, he knew it and it hurt: that's why he was hesitating. He didn't want to see Road cry more tears and, of course, he didn't want to die, but there was no other way. Finally Allen realized that he had never been free in his whole life. He had always thought to have chosen his path, but it was really so?

" Oh, I see" Road commented acid, " You're going to abandon me too, Allen. You choice to die instead of remaining with me… Tell me: I'm so horrible? I'm so disgusting that death seems pleasant in comparison?" she asked. The teen would have liked to say that no, it wasn't like this and that she knew it, but her spell had denied him the gift of speaking.

" I'll show you what happens to those who reject me!" She declared solemnly and turned towards the doll which was her mother:

" You," she ordered to what remained of that woman, " DIE!" Road shouted and, as she was shouting it, the doll's body exploded in a thousand pieces.

The head slowly rolled on the ground and stopped against Allen's left leg.

The teen felt the urge to shout, he tried to convince himself that what he had seen wasn't true, but it was. She has just killed her mother, and she hadn't even blinked. Only the tears that were keeping on falling from her eyes showed that somehow she was suffering.

" Now it's your turn, Allen. Are you afraid?" Road asked harshly. The exorcist thought about it: was he scared? He was sad, of course, he felt that it was a pity to die there; he thought bitterly that he couldn't allow himself to die now, but he wasn't scared.

" I knew it. That's one of the reasons why I do love you, Allen." Road declared, her expression turning sweet and sad again, " This is the last time I'll see you and I don't want to remember you like this, with an empty gaze and an emotionless face: this isn't the real you…" she murmured and clapped her hands. Allen recovered the use of his body.

His eyes widened in surprise taking the innocent look everyone adored in him, then his expression changed and he stared at Road with decision and anger.

" Oh, that's the Allen I love!" she exclaimed chuckling.

" You're so arrogant, Road," Allen said in response, " you believe that everything have to go according to your will, that everyone should love you, but love must be earned! You can't oblige people to love you if you don't open your heart to anyone!"

" That's no true. I've opened my heart to you, and yet you rejected me." She contradicted him.

" You're so used to tell lies, that now you think yourself that you're saying the truth, but everything that escapes from your mouth is a lie: the words you say, the emotion you pretend to feel, all lies! All lies that you've invented to deceive yourself and the rest of the world!" Allen declared. This was the last chance he had to open her eyes, to make her realize the truth about herself she had always refused to acknowledge, but what surprised even the teen was that he wasn't acting so to save his life. He was doing it for her, for Road, because it just hurt him to see her so desperate.

The Noah dried away her last tear:

" I'm sorry, Allen, but this can't be helped, you know this even better than me: I have to kill you."

Road's golden eyes met Allen's determinate gaze and she felt like dying at the thought that she wouldn't have seen it anymore. She would have lost him and the only one to blame was her.

" _No," _she corrected herself in her thoughts, _" it's his fault for rejecting me!" _

Road narrowed her eyes and raised her hand: she was ready to kill her beloved one.

_**Author's notes—**_**Fallen Angels**

**Here I am, guys, after this problematic chapter… How it was? I fear that it's a failure… Please, I'm really depressed… comfort me! **

**Writing this part presented many problems: **

**-first: have I exaggerated? This is the question I made to myself throughout the entire chapter. I feared I was making Road too perverse and adult-like at the same time… The part in which Road "tortures" Allen is full of sexual hints and I seriously thought of changing the ratings from T to M… Then I thought: the T ratings wants the readers to be older than thirteen; if you're thirteen and this few scandalizes you, well, it's not my fault!**

**- I haven't given to the figure of Road's mother all the space I'****d planned at the beginning… She's been reduced to a shadow… this saddens me, but I couldn't do anything else considering the little time I had for writing this chapter… **

**I know, I'm a failure as I writer and I'm deeply sorry for this: I've a lot of good ideas in mind, but at the end the time and my low ability oblige me to write so bad… shit… I'm seriously depressed…**

**So, I'm not asking you to lie, but if someone of you readers found this part interesting, please, review and let me know… if no-one reviews I'll took it as a: " you've failed". (It's not a blackmailing…). But even if you think so, please, let me know! Just write**_**:" This chapter was terrible"**_**.**

**Anyway, it's time to go sleeping…**

**Goodnight to you all,**

**-Eris92- **


	21. Chapter 21 The pawn's sacrifice

**Wow.. This chapter was actually a big problem… it took me a month to write it! But, I've finally finished it… **

**It may appear boring at the beginning for it simply tells what happened to the other exorcists wh****ile Allen was dealing with Road. It's the same moment described by four different points of views, and yet I think it can be interesting… If not the first part with Lenalee and Chaoji, the second surely is with Lavi and… you'll see. **

**What happens in this chapter is more than important to understand what will happen from now on, so, pay some attention, please. **

**Anyway, enough with my ramblings and go read the chapter! **

**Soundtrack:**

"**Bittersweet" by Within Temptation for the part with Chaoji**

"**Lies" by BIGBANG for the part with Lavi (it has nothing to do with what happens, I just used to listen to this song while writing…) **

"**Sayonara" by Gackt for the last part. In this case, the lyrics of the song DO reflect the situation. Please, listen to this song while reading. **

_**XXI CHAPTER- **_** THE PAWNS' SACRIFICE**

_The attack at the Headquarters from Lenalee's point of view_

While all the others were staring powerlessly to the akuma which were breaking into the Headquarters, Lenalee, instead, was searching for Allen: he had vanished just a moment before…

" Allen! Where's Allen?" The female exorcist cried out in alarm.

" He's here." Road chuckled from the opposite side of the room. The teen's head was resting on the legs of the Noah. He seemed simply asleep, and yet to Lenalee was clear that he had fallen under Road's spell.

" Give him back." The exorcist ordered to Road with a calm, threatening, voice.

" To you? Never." The Noah stated with the same calm.

" Then I'll come and take him myself!" Lenalee stated and activated the dark boots, but as soon as she tried to advance towards Road, a level four put himself between her and the Noah. She was furious:

" Wait for me, Allen!" she shouted, " Because I'll surely come and save you." She murmured lowly these last words as if she was saying them to herself, then she jumped into the air. The level four followed her and the battle began.

The akuma fired, but Lenalee avoided the attack easily and fell on its head. Initially the demon yelled in pain, then he succeeded in freeing itself and, after taking the exorcist for her left leg, it threw her towards the ground.

Lenalee stopped the falling when she was only a metre or so from the floor. She sighed with relief and avoided the new attack.

Moving too fast for the akuma to notice it, she appeared in front of the demon all of a sudden and kicked it with all her strength. The akuma fell opening a crater on the floor, and it didn't even have the time to rise again that Lenalee was piercing his head again with the dark boots.

The akuma shouted and shouted, it insulted her in every possible way, but the exorcist didn't care about that for she had one single thought in mind: Allen. Her friend, her companion, the one she loved, had been captured by Road, a Noah or, more exactly, the Noah who was obsessed by him in a perverted way that Lenalee could not understand. She was worried, of course, and a bit jealous too.

She realized that a single hit wasn't enough to destroy the level four, so the exorcist jumped again in the air, catching a deep breath, then she started falling again, her intention was to hit the demon's head once more, but meanwhile the akuma had moved and now it was at her back. She hadn't noticed it.

The level four punched the female sending her against one of the tables of the Cafeteria. Lenalee felt the hard wood of the table in the middle of her back and the sudden pain made her breathless. For a moment she thought she had her backbone broken and cursed her life as an exorcist, the Order, the akuma, and everything she knew.

When she reopened her eyes, the akuma was already in front of her, ready to give her the coup de grace. She closed her eyes again, surrendering to the pain and the desperation: she wouldn't have been able to react in time. She was going to die. She was just seventeen and she was going to die.

She stiffened waiting for the final hit that would have destroyed her body, but it never came.

She slowly opened her eyes and blinked one, two times, then she finally recognized the familiar figure that had saved her putting himself between her and the akuma.

" Lavi…" she murmured

" Yo, Lenalee!" he smiled back to her, " it still isn't time to sleep, ya know?" he joked after having rejected the akuma. The female found herself smiling in response and answered:

" Don't worry for me, Lavi. Give me ten minutes more and I'll destroy this one."

" Good thing to hear," the redheaded smiled even wider, " since I already have my own friend to face and, I assure you, it's not simple to handle it…" With these words the exorcist left, or so Lenalee guessed at least, as she was flying again towards her prey.

The female hit the akuma in the middle of the stomach, hard, so hard that she felt her whole body shake.

" That arrogant bastard of an Innocence…" the demon murmured. This was the last statement it ever pronounced, since he exploded in a thousand pieces a moment later. Lenalee jumped away just in time to avoid the explosion.

The girl sighed, trying to stop trembling for the tension of the fight, then she narrowed her eyes in the mist, searching for Allen and Road. She was completely indifferent to the rest of her companions, in that moment she didn't care about the others, only Allen mattered, Allen and nobody else.

Then she heard Kanda yelling and it changed everything: she turned towards him and what she saw made her forget Allen completely.

… _From Chaoji's point of view…_

This was his first real fight and Chaoji was frightened, very frightened.

Of course he was! Until now he had fought only beside General Tiedoll, and it was very different to face an enemy alone, all by himself, with no-one else on who he can relate. If he committed a mistake whatsoever, he would be dead. The mere idea of dying had the power to terrified Chaoji, he couldn't stop trembling, and the level four in front of him guessed it for it started laughing and pointing at him:

" You exorcists are no different from those filthy humans!" the akuma declared while opening the fire against a brunch of powerless finders who had hidden behind a column.

Chaoji saw the bullets come out from the monster's hand as if the time had stopped. His mind remembered unwillingly the death of Anita-san, Mahoja-san and all his old friends. At that time he couldn't do anything, he couldn't save them, since he had been a simple human beings, but now things were different: now he was an exorcist! An exorcist as those he had always looked up in awe. Chaoji felt the pride fill him upside down: he had been chosen by Innocence, he was not a simple human, now he could do something more that just stare at the catastrophes!

He ran towards the finder, his speed increased by the Innocence, and rejected the bullets with a single hand. The holy substance had given him the power to increase all his physical faculties, from strength, to even the endurance of his skin, so it was no problem for him to do something as to reject bullets. Yet, his weapon allowed him to fight only at close distance, and this scared Chaoji.

The fear immobilized him for a moment and the akuma took advantage of it and hit him on the stomach.

Chaoji found himself knelt on the floor, spitting blood.

He was angry with himself: he was an exorcist; things shouldn't have gone like this. He should have been able to destroy that monster, he shouldn't had been hit by him. He had been chosen by God! Everybody had kept on telling him this: that he was an apostle, protected by God, but then, if that was true, why the akuma was beating him? Shouldn't he had been invincible?

These were Chaoji thoughts as the demon was firing against him again and again. The exorcist stopped the bullets another time, but became an easy prey for the akuma because of his immobility. The monster hit him again.

Chaoji felt a crack.

His head was broken.

More blood.

He felt his mind going numb for the pain and the blood loss, but before he could remember who he was and what he was doing, the akuma had already hit him again.

Chaoji lost consciousness.

…_From Lavi's point of view…_

As soon as Lavi saw Lenalee flying toward Road and being stopped by an akuma, he tried to follow her, but the exorcist was opposed by another level four.

" _There is one of them for each of us…" _ He noticed immediately, _" Is this a way to avoid our interference, so that Road may do as she pleases with Allen?" _ Lavi wondered.

The exorcist saw the akuma approaching and when the monster tried to kick him, he simply extended his Innocence and avoided the attack.

" Jika hi-ban!" Lavi ordered and the usual seal of fire surrounded the akuma, but he already knew that such an attack would have been useless against a level four: his act had been just a way to take time and try to work out a better plan.

Lavi didn't have the strength of the evolved Innocence of Allen and Lenalee, nor the ingénue presumption of Chaoji: he knew that he wasn't strong enough to destroy a level four, and yet he had to deal with it.

When the akuma appeared in front of him, Lavi smirked nervously: if he couldn't win, he had at least to survive and wait for someone of his companion to come and help him, but who? Maybe Lenalee was strong enough to destroy her enemy, and maybe Kanda would have actually been able to be up to a level four thanks to his special abilities as a "second", but Lavi and Chaoji surely were in big difficulty.

" _Damn it, it's difficult to fight using only the left eye!" _the redhead thought annoyed. _" But I can't get rid of the blindfold here or my days at the Black Order are finished…"_

The exorcist tried to hit the akuma with the hammer, but failed. His enemy took advantage of his blind spot to punch him and sent him against a wall that was a good ten metres behind him.

Lavi felt his body all sore, but somehow he managed to move and avoided the new attack the akuma had fired against him. He took shield behind one of the many columns of the Cafeteria, unseen thanks to the mist that had came out from the explosion. Maybe, just maybe, he could he could hope to gain the time to catch his breath before the level four would find him.

Then he saw, from his hideout, Lenalee being punched by the enemy.

She was trapped between the tables she had fallen on, and she was surely hurt.

The akuma was flying against her, too fast to allow her to react in any way.

In that moment, all the hiding-plans of Lavi shattered into pieces.

" _If the old panda will ever know that I'm risking my life like this I'm a dead man…"_ He thought while running towards Lenalee. The exorcist put himself between his friends and the level four and managed to reject the akuma catching it by surprise.

" Yo, Lenalee!" he exclaimed loudly, " It still isn't time to sleep, ya know?" He was too tired even to formulate a correct sentence, his body was so sore that even speaking was a big deal. Yet he smiled widely with relief when she finally opened her beautiful eyes and stared back at him blankly. Slowly, she composed her expression in a smile and said:

" Don't worry for me, Lavi. Give me ten minutes and I'll destroy this one." She said with a tired and yet determinate voice.

" Good thing to hear," he replied, " since I already have my own friend to face and, I assure you, it's not simple to handle it…" Lenalee didn't answer and took flight towards her enemy. Lavi kept on watching her to see if she needed help enjoying the sight of her slim figure dancing across the air. It was a big mistake.

While thinking about Lenalee, the redhead had forgotten his own enemy and didn't notice it approaching. All of a sudden Lavi was caught by surprise and went kicked by the level four. He hit the ground. A small part of his mind prayed that Lenalee had witnessed to the scene and would have come to help him, but it was a vain hope for he knew perfectly well that his friend was surely too occupied with her opponent to notice what had happened to him.

The exorcist saw the level four firing against him just in time to activate his Innocence and to use it as a shield. Then the rain of bullets stopped and Lavi, whose sight was obstructed by the hammer, heard an acute, hateful laugh near his right ear. He immediately turned towards the sound and find himself staring at the akuma's face.

Lavi's eyes widened in surprise and fear and almost in the same moment he was punched by the level four. One, two, three times, the akuma hit him before throwing him away. The pain filled his whole being; he couldn't think about a single bone of his without feeling overwhelmed by sufferance.

Pain. Pain. Pain again: it was the only thing he could think of, as if someone in his mind was shouting that word so loud that everything else paled in comparison.

When Lavi managed to open his eyes, he found the level four in front of him, staring at him as if he was some funny beast, as if it was him, Lavi, the monster to be destroyed and not the akuma. The redhead looked for his Innocence, but the hammer was nowhere to be seen. It had probably fallen out of his hand when the monster had hit him.

" So weak…" The level four declared while it was kicking the exorcist away. Again, Lavi felt himself drowning in pain. He prayed that it was all a bad dream, he wished for the world to be a peaceful place where nor akuma, nor Noahs did exist, for himself not to die there, in that moment, without having accomplished anything in his life.

He didn't want to die, he didn't want to vanish from the world, form the only world he knew, the only one he could believe in and love.

_Love._

He wasn't supposed to love anything. He was a Bookman after all; he had to observe with impartial eye the world without loving anything nor anyone for the sake of the historical truth. A Bookman with feeling just wasn't trustworthy, that was why the redhead should have watched over everything with perfect absence of emotion. But Lavi couldn't do that, he couldn't pretend not to love that crazy world anymore!

Ha had pretended for years, trying to convince himself that he really hated the human race, all this to please his grandfather, to obtain his approval, because the "Old Panda" was the most important person to him.

For how many years it had been just the two of them, travelling across the world under the disgusted look of the normal, human, people? He couldn't even remember it anymore…

Who had raised him? Bookman.

Who had cared about him when he was alone in the world? Bookman.

Who had taught him everything he knew, telling him how to survive in the world? Bookman.

And yet, at the beginning, Lavi had hated his grandfather: he was too severe, too harsh, too conceited of his being a Bookman, so snob towards the human world… The redhead remembered even too well those days of his childhood when he yearned desperately to be human, a common human being with a normal life, a normal family and so on. At that time he couldn't understand his grandfather's point of view: his excessive pride had seemed insufferable to the little one, his disgust for the humans childish and unjustified.

For a long time Lavi had thought that the "Old Panda" was raising him only because he needed an heir, someone who would have inherited the cursed burden of the Bookmen.

_Always living in the human world, but never being part of it_: this was their destiny, the unavoidable curse that his grandfather was going to leave to him, and Lavi had hated him for this. How many times had he watched with pure envy the common, ignorant, humans he had happened to meet everyday?

Then, slowly, as the feeling of loneliness was increasing inside him, devouring his heart, he had understood that it wasn't just the need of an heir that had made Bookman care for him, but the solitude, the same horrible feeling that crawled inside Lavi himself, the longing for someone who could see and appreciate him for what he really was, and not for the mask he had to wear everyday.

This burden was what Lavi and his grandfather shared, and it had been this to bring them near.

Once the redhead had understood the loneliness that "the Old Panda" felt, he realized that Bookman was the only person he could really trust, the only one who could understand him and his need of being loved, the only one who could return his feelings. It was just the two of them, as it had always been and as he thought it would always be.

That's how Lavi had found a sort of balance, of stability: he had stopped to envy humans and had accepted his destiny, his role in the Great History of the world; at last he had recognized himself in the part of a Bookman. The "Old Panda", as he affectionately called his grandfather, was the only person he had allowed himself to love for he was the only one he was sure would have never left him behind, as his parents had done. Bookman would have never abandoned him, because he needed him, as Lavi did, to alleviate his solitude, because it had always been just the two of them.

If his grandfather had died, Lavi knew that he would have perished with him, for Bookman was the only person who belonged to his world, the only one from who he wasn't naturally and unavoidably separated. Lavi's world would have been shattered by the old man's death and he would have never been able to live on, all alone. It wasn't vain rhetoric, and it wasn't even because he was particularly affectionate to his grandfather, he actually wasn't, but Bookman was the only firm point in his life and without him everything would have become meaningless. Without his grandfather always giving orders and scolding him, Lavi wouldn't have known what to do of his life. He was like this: passionate, caring, love-needing, but he didn't had that coldness that allow you to observe things with detachment, indifferently, he wasn't one of those persons who can live on following an ideal, as his grandfather was.

And yet, Lavi knew that Bookman would have been terribly hurt from his death as well for he was old, he was lonely, and he had gotten used to have the annoying grandson with him at every moment. Yes, Bookman would have surely been hurt by his disappearance for it had always been just the two of them. Just the two of them… always… to be separated from each other was unbearable, they needed to be together for they were two shipwrecked who had landed on a world that didn't belong to them: no matter how different they could be, or how much they could dislike each other, they needed to be together. They couldn't live on alone.

That's why Lavi thought that he couldn't allow himself to die there while the level four was punching him, breaking his left shoulder against a column. The pain he was feeling was terrible, it made his mind numb, but a single thought still reigned above the chaos:

" _I can't give up, I don't want to die and be separated from the Old Panda… he's everything I have… I don't want to die and be alone… I don't want to leave him alone."_

The level four hit him again, it was joking with him now that the exorcist was too seriously hurt to represent a danger. The akuma wasn't going to kill him anytime soon: it would have played with him before, slowly torturing him, before proceeding with the coup de grace.

Suddenly Lavi felt his head strangely clear, no more numbness floating across his mind: he just knew what he had to do, the only thing that was left for him to try.

" Innocence…" he whispered out loud, using all of his remaining strength, " Innocence…"

" Are you raving already?" the akuma laughed at him " Who are you calling? Your Innocence? Look, exorcist, it's over there. You can't use it and, without it, you can't fight: you're useless. That's why you exorcists are so weak… " the level four kept on laughing at him, but Lavi couldn't possibly care. He heard those words, he understood them, but he didn't care. The only thing he did was keep on calling his Innocence. He wanted to beg it, to say that he was too young to die like that, that there were things he wanted to understand before leaving the world, that there was a person he wanted to remain with, but he didn't have the strength to pronounce those words out loud with his broken lips. He just thought all this with all his will: he wanted to live!

" _Let me live," _he pleaded his Innocence, _" let me live and I'll follow you everywhere. Until now I've used you only when it turned out to be useful, but, I swear, if you'll let me live I'll serve you and do whatever you want me to. You've accepted Lenalee's prayer, so, you can accept mine too, can't you? Let me live, let me live, LET ME LIVE!" _

His mind was focused on this simple thought, on this natural instinct, as if his whole being was screaming his right to live.

In the middle of it, Lavi felt a voice in his head asking:

" _You'd really do anything to serve me? Would you be ready to die young for me, if I save you this time?"_

Lavi seriously thought about it for a moment: would he? Then he answered with all his will and strength, crying out loud: " YES, I'D DO IT!"

One would ask where was the point of pleading to be saved if he was ready to die young anyway, but life is precious, it really is, and another day, another hour, another second, to live is worth everything. That's all Lavi knew, that's more than I'll ever know, and, honestly, can you disagree?

Lavi saw the akuma approaching, it was going to shoot and to kill him once for all, but the exorcist barely noticed it. He felt something warm surrounding him. it was a pleasant feeling and he was tired. Lavi closed his eyes relaxing unwillingly. Then he heard a crack and a scream.

Lavi's eyes flashed open and what he saw surprised him in a strange way: a part of him had already known that it would have happened, yet he had not really believed his feeling until he had seen it…

In front of him, two metres distant, there was the level four, surrounded by flames. Obviously it had been the akuma to scream.

" Why?" the monster yelled in pain, blood tears running down its face, " WHY? Why am I affected by those flames? I'm an akuma, a machine, my body shouldn't be hurt by such a thing!"

Lavi smirked in response: in the space of a moment, everything had become clear to him, as if all the mysteries of the world had given up their secrets. He felt relieved and saddened at the same time, but the smirk was still painted on his face as he answered to the soon-to-die akuma:

" Those are holy flames produced by Innocence, you idiot, of course they can affect you…"

After these words, Lavi lost consciousness, lulled by the sound of the akuma's screams.

…_From Cassandra's point of view…_

" Stay behind me!" Kanda's harsh voice seemed furious. She had never seen him so angry and it startled her so much that for a moment she actually forgot that this was the first time he was talking to her in two weeks.

She would have made him notice it, if his deadly voice hadn't scared her. It wasn't the right moment to be vindictive and, besides that, she was too happy and relieved by the fact that he was acknowledging her existence again to try to annoy him. There would have been enough time to scold him if they succeeded to survive, Angel thought, even if she wasn't sure at all that they would.

A level three stood in front of them, but Kanda attacked it and the akuma was destroyed in no time. Angel looked baffled at the swordsman: God, he was amazing! She had seen him fight before, during their lessons of self-defence, but this was another story: to see him jump in the air and cut the akuma in two before falling elegantly on the ground, his handsome face tensed in concentration… it was a sight that couldn't left anyone indifferent.

Angel was going to tell him how amazing he was, but Kanda rudely grabbed her left right arm and ran away, obliging her to follow him. He stopped only once they had reached one of the corners of the room which was surprisingly intact.

" Hide here and don't dare to move a muscle! If they found you, you're dead, clear? Do you hear me? Angel, do you hear me?" he insisted as he noticed that she was staring blankly at him.

" What about you?" she replied. She didn't want to be separated by him. Not that she feared for him, she had seen enough of his skills to know that he'd have been fine; it was for herself that she feared. Now Kanda was staring back at her in the eyes, speaking with her, as he had never done in the last weeks; it was a precious moment. She feared that if she had let him go now, he would have returned to ignore her once the fight had ended.

" What about you?" she repeated when he didn't answer to her. Kanda groaned in annoyance:

" We don't have time to spare with these stupid things. Don't worry, I'll be fine." He tried to reassure her, but there was no need of _that_, she already knew that no-one would have ever been able to hurt him, because he was Kanda-chan, he was invincible to her eyes. What she really wanted to hear was him saying that he wouldn't have returned to ignore her, but he didn't say it. Still, she listened to him as he told her:

" Hide here and stay quiet until I'll return." At least now she knew that he would have returned…

He was still staring at her with his black, onyx eyes, when an acute laughter at his back pierced their ears.

" Try to run away, exorcist?" the level four scoffed him. Kanda smirked nervously: this wasn't how he had planned things to go.

" I was waiting for you, you freak." He replied arrogantly to the akuma.

" Good…" The monster said and fired against the two. Kanda pressed Angel against his side and moved, avoiding the attack. She felt her heart racing faster when the bullets went by near her head, realizing what it really meant to find yourself in the middle of a battle. And yet she could hear Kanda's heart beating as slow as usual, as if he was in the middle of a common training, and the sound relaxed her, for she trusted him the most. Kanda-chan would have always been there to protect her, wouldn't he? She thought childishly.

Then the swordsman pushed her away and attacked the level four.

" Second Illusion, Nigen!" she heard him say as Mugen divided itself in two shining blades. Kanda started fighting seriously under her amazed eyes, but it was only when he was hit for the first time that Angel realized the awful truth: until she was there he wouldn't have been able to fight at the best.

It was unavoidable, she couldn't expect him to use his full strength if she was in the way. At the thought Angel panicked, not only because she felt responsible for the injuries that Kanda was suffering in that very moment, but because she had finally understood, or so she believed, why he had been avoiding her in the last two weeks: he had thought her to be a burden, an unnecessary burden he had to get rid of.

The sudden realization hurt her the most because even in that moment she was proving herself to be nothing better: she was just an obstacle which was putting him in danger.

Angel felt tears of rage rise up to her eyes and down her cheeks as the level four hit Kanda again throwing him against the nearer wall: why was she such a good at nothing? Why wasn't she strong? Why the only quality she had was the beauty? She didn't want that, she wanted, no, she _needed _to be strong! But she wasn't.

If she had been stronger, then she would have been able to help Kanda, but, for how she was now, the only thing she could do to help him was to die and free the swordsman form the responsibility of protecting her useless self.

No wonder that he had decided to left her behind and to ignore her, she thought.

Of course she was wrong, obviously it wasn't this the reason why Kanda had been avoiding her, but she knew nothing about Leverrier's threats, she couldn't guess that it had been to protect her life that the swordsman had decided to hurt her feelings. Ignoring her was the only way he had found to keep her safe, but, of course, Angel knew nothing about this and the only excuse she could find for his behaviour had been her uselessness.

She had never been so disgusted of herself as in that moment when she could do nothing, but watch as Kanda was being killed for her fault.

" _Oh, but there is something you can do, instead…" _a musical voice said inside her head, _" You just have to return this body to me, to its real owner, and I'll save your Kanda-chan." _ The voice was now mocking her, scoffing her attachment to the swordsman.

" Shut up, Cassandra," Angel replied to the voice, " I won't die, I won't surrender this body to you." She declared determinate.

" _Not even if th__is is the only way to save him?" _Cassandra asked, cruel,_ " Are you _that_ selfish, Angel? He's sacrificing his life for you and you won't help him? You won't save him though you have the opportunity and the means to do this?"_

Angel closed her eyes stubbornly, hoping for the voice to fade away. She didn't answer, she didn't know what to answer. She didn't want to die, but she didn't want Kanda to die either. It was a question without solution for she didn't know about the curse upon him, she didn't know that he couldn't die until the curse had its hold on him.

So she stood there for a while, unable to take a decision, but when she saw Kanda fall near her and the akuma pointing its arm at him, ready to shoot, she understood that there was no choice left for her, it never had.

She put herself between the two enemies and turned her tears-streamed face towards the swordsman.

" Goodbye, Kanda-chan." She smiled.

The level four fired.

Kanda screamed.

The last thought Angel had was that, once in her short, pathetic, life, she had been useful. For once she had been strong, somehow.

**Author's notes—"Sayonara"**

**So, how was it?? ****A pretty intense chapter wasn't it? At least, this was the intention I had writing… I wonder if I fulfilled my goal and since the only one who can tell me this are you readers, please, review! Review and tell me everything that crosses your mind about the chapter!**

**I enjoyed a lot writing this chapter, especially the part about Lavi's relationship with Bookman that I wanted to explain a little. Their bond is strong, as that between Leverrier and Link, yet it's very different. **

**Loyalty, trust, desire to protect him, that's what ties Link to Leverrier, but for Lavi is different: it's just need. Bookman and Lavi need each other because they're the whole world of the other, not because they like being together or something like that. This doesn't need that there's no love between them, obviously, it's only a subtler and more complicated kind of relationship. Don't you think so? What impression did you get from the chapter?**

**For what concerns Kanda and Angel/Cassandra… From now on there will be a lot of space reserved to the three of them! I won't say nothing, you'll find out more in the next chapter, so I'll just post the lyrics and the translation of the song "SAYONARA" by Gackto-sama which always makes me think of this moment of the story. ****The translation isn't mine****, I found it somewhere some time ago… Sorry… I don't even know if it's correct…^^''**

**Sayonara...aishita taisetsu na hito  
Koboreta namida ga yuki ni kawaru  
Sayonara...naiteta kinou made no boku  
Shizuka ni me o tojite**

Sarigenaku kata o yosete  
Madobe ni motareta  
Sokoshi tereta shigusa de  
Boku wa waratteita  
Karuku hoho ni kisu o shite  
Aruiteyuku kimi o  
Zutto miteta

Sayonara...aishita taisetsu na hito  
Koboreta namida ga yuki ni kawaru  
Sayonara...naiteta kinou made no boku  
Shizuka ni me o tojite

Chiisame no teeburu de  
Futari dake no yume o  
Mienai mirai sae mo  
Kowaku wa nakatta  
Hajimete no arubamu ni  
Ureshisou na kimi o sotto miteta

Sayonara...aishita taisetsu na hito  
Kimi e no omoi dake wa kitto nokoru  
Sayonara... naite ta kinou made no boku  
Shizuka na yoru da ne

**Sayonara...my beloved, precious person  
Spilled tears change into snow  
Sayonara...myself who was crying until yesterday  
Quietly close your eyes**

You casually brushed me aside  
And leaned against the window  
Acting like a little bit of shy  
I was laughing  
I light kissed your cheek  
And always watched you  
As you walked away

Sayonara...my beloved, precious person  
Spilled tears change into snow  
Sayonara...myself who was crying until yesterday  
Quietly close your eyes

At a small table  
It was just our dreams...  
We weren't afraid of anything  
Not even the unseen future  
I softly looked at you in the first album  
You look so happy

Sayonara...my beloved, precious person  
Only my feelings for you will surely remain  
Sayonara...myself who was crying until yesterday  
It's a quiet night, isn't it

**Every time**** I do listen to this song I can't help, but imagine Kanda singing the refrain and Angel answering with the other strophes… I have such a terrible imagination, do I?!? ^^ **

**Thank you for reading…Please, review! It is so important for me to read your comments…it breaks my heart to see that no-one reviews…**

**Good night…**

**Eris92**

**Rome, 26.03.10**


	22. Chapter 22 The return of the queen

**Here there is a veeery sad chapter which took me a lot to write, as you'd have noticed… I'm sorry, but I can't keep on uploading every ten days, I just don't have the time to write, especially now that the chapters have become pretty long… So I'll upload every fifteen days, for now at least… Excuse me for being late with this chapter and REVIEW!**

**Soundtrack for this chapter:**

"**Ice queen"**** by within Temptation **

"**What hurts the most" by (unknown)**

"**All fall down" by One Republic **

* * *

**CHAPTER XXII****--- THE RETURN OF THE QUEEN**

_Headquarters of the Black Order, afternoon…_

"**Goodbye, Kanda-chan." **

Angel's sweet voice echoed in Kanda's ears as he slowly realized what she was doing.

" STOP IT!" He shouted and tried to rise on his feet, he wanted to push her away, who cares if he had been injured, he would always heal, but it was too late: the akuma had already fired.

The bullets went towards Angel and then, just before they could pierce her skin, they stopped as if some magnetic force was rejecting them. Kanda stopped breathing and the air suddenly became very tense, so much that the time seemed to stop; then the bullets fell on the ground having done no harm whatsoever to the woman.

Kanda stared at her in amazement: she was calm, awfully calm, unmoved, he was so near that he could hear her slow breath, too slow for a normal human. There was something wrong with her, though the bullets hadn't reached her, something had changed in Angel.

The akuma noticed it too and observed her carefully as well, its head slowly inclined as if it was trying to solve some complicate riddle.

" Disgusting." it declared with the same annoyed expression a human may have in front of rubbish, " What kind of Innocence is this?"

" You don't need to know." The woman replied and her voice was cold, completely unfeeling, as she raised her left hand and clenched it into a fist. The level four looked at her blankly at first, then its eyes widened in an expression of pure horror. It opened its mouth as if it wanted to say something, but it didn't. A patina of rust slowly began to cover it, until the akuma turned into sand and vanished.

" Angel…" Kanda murmured in disbelief and the woman turned towards him at the sound of his voice. Kanda shuddered in fear: that woman wasn't Angel, she couldn't be! Her gaze was as cold as her voice had been before, and her eyes! Her eyes weren't of different colours anymore: now they were both sea-green. The swordsman tried to remember if Cassandra's eyes had been like this, but he couldn't remember. Yet, he didn't have the courage to call her again.

Then the woman turned and walked away, as if she hadn't seen him at all. Kanda followed her, but stopped at the sight of a high circle of flames. The swordsman could notice the silhouette of someone lying in the middle of them: it was Lavi. He tried to come nearer, but the cold voice of the woman before him ordered him not to move:

" If you'll try to reach him, the flames will kill you." She warned him with the same cold voice of before, avoiding his eyes, " Don't worry, he's fine, the fire will protect him until he'll recover consciousness." She added.

The swordsman would have liked to ask more, but the sound of a yell a few metres distant distracted him: Lenalee was trying to defend an unconscious Chaoji from a level four, but she was failing miserably. It probably wasn't the first fight she had been withstanding that morning.

Again, Kanda was going to go helping her, but the woman was quicker: as she had done before, she raised her left hand and the akuma quickly rusted and turned to sand. Both the swordsman and Lenalee gazed astonished at the woman who was supposed to be Angel as she came towards the flames which surrounded Lavi and extinguished them with which seemed her bare presence.

" _As a goddess from the ancient times…__ She has fallen from the sky into a world of miseries and she puts an end to all evil, to all sufferance…" _ Lenalee thought, charmed, and, by all means, the woman she had known as Angel really seemed something as a goddess in that moment, ethereally beautiful, a turquoise blue light surrounding her gently, her face emotionless.

Kanda had the impression that the air inside the room had frozen for he felt suddenly cold. He looked at Lenalee and saw her tremble: it wasn't just an impression of his, the air had really cooled.

Then, the Chinese exorcist seemed to wake up from a dream because she suddenly shuddered as if she had just remembered something and ran at Lavi's side. Kanda could hear her voice claiming the redhead's attention and his weak responses, but didn't bother to observe them anymore. His eyes were focused on another woman.

"Angel" was advancing towards another figure who sat unmoved in the opposite side of the room. Road was observing her and waiting for her to come, her yellow eyes narrowed with suspect, curiosity and disgust. Yes, there was real disgust on the Noah's face as if the woman was something so repulsive that she could barely bear to look at her. Kanda remembered Hevlaska words, when she had said that Angel was the Innocence itself: was this the reason why the akuma and the Noah were so upset by her mere presence?

" You make me sick." Road declared as "Angel" came near.

" I can say the same of you." The woman replied with a smirk.

" And why should you? I'm not a hypocrite who has sold herself to the devil for power."

" Oh, you're right, after all, you are a demon yourself, no need to… how did you say? _"To sell your soul"_." The woman's cold voice was ironical now. Road growled in response:

" The Earl will be happy to know that you've come back. So now he can kill you and your loathsome Innocence once for all."

" Deceive yourself as much as you want, Second Disciple, but you can't destroy me, you know, as much as you can't destroy my Innocence. Until one of us, be it me or my Innocence, is alive, we won't be annihilated."

" The arrogance…" Road said with disgust, " That's why I always liked you less that any other exorcist."

" I may say the same of your will of deceiving yourself, of denying reality. That's what is really disgusting. Now, hand that exorcist over." The woman said pointing at sleeping Allen.

" I won't!" Road declared furiously, " He's MINE! I'm not going to leave him! He is mine, mine, mine, MINE!" Road shouted with fury, shaking her head as a child who was throwing a tantrum.

" He belongs to the demon inside him, you know." The woman replied.

" NO!" Road raged, tears in her eyes, " He loves me and I love him, I won't let him go! I won't return him to the Order."

" He loves you? You're deceiving yourself again." the woman said with cruelty, " If he loved you, he would have joined you on his own free will, you wouldn't have to hold him back by force." She was lying, she knew it, that things were not so simple, but this was a sure way to hurt Road, so the woman didn't care about lying. What she couldn't foretell was the Noah's reaction:

" Then I'll kill him." She exclaimed with dreadful determination. Kanda's eyes widened in horror and he attacked the Noah at the same time the woman beside him did. Road shielded herself from the first attack, but couldn't avoid Mugen's blade. The Innocence sword cut of her head which rolled on the floor, but no blood came out of the cut. Her body transformed itself in butterflies and she disappeared, but her voice from nowhere still echoed in the room:

" _You'll die soon, Cassandra…"_

Hearing the Noah saying _that_ name sent chills down Kanda's spine, but he didn't have much time to think about it for as soon as the Noah vanished, Allen opened his eyes wide and screamed in horror with all his voice, as if he had just awakened from a nightmare. The swordsman stared at the teen who had stopped screaming and had started to gaze frenetically at everything around him, searching for any possibly danger, his breath heavy. It made quite an impression on Kanda: he'd never seen the bean sprout so scared.

" Shut up, moyashi, it's all ok, she's gone." He said harshly to the teen and Allen stared blankly at him in response without really seeing him. This reaction annoyed quite a bit the swordsman, but he didn't had the time, nor the will, to snap at him now that he was worried about Angel. The other exorcists reached them.

Now she would have said something, wouldn't she? And her reactions would have confirmed or destroyed his worries once for all, wouldn't they? Kanda thought.

" Angel!" Lenalee and Lavi ran towards her cheerfully, followed by some finder " You've done it! You've beaten two levels four and a Noah! You're great! "

" You've finally regained your powers!" Lavi congratulated her and tried to embrace her friendly, as he was used to do, but he was threw away by an unknown, invisible force before he could even touch her.

Everyone looked back at Angel's face and redrew in disbelief. Only Kanda, some pace behind them all, stood where he was with a mixed look of horror and anguish upon his handsome features. He knew far too well the ice-cold expression which was painted on Angel's face, that stern, cruel gaze was unforgettable. He had denied the evident truth until that moment, but now he couldn't hesitate again: there was no doubt, his fear had become reality.

Cassandra was back.

His beloved Angel had vanished forever, he had known it for sure the moment he had seen her throwing Lavi away.

The face he was staring at was definitively the one of the ice-goddess he had met in Rome months ago.

"Angel!" Lenalee shouted "What was this for?" Kanda would have liked to snap at Lenalee: why couldn't she see that that woman wasn't Angel anymore? Wasn't it evident? How could she call that _thing _with the same name of their sweet friend? How could anyone mistook her for Angel? The two of them had nothing in common, absolutely nothing.

" Angel?" an ice-cold voice answered to Lenalee " Of who are you talking about? My name is Cassandra."

At these words Kanda's world shattered into pieces. Not that he hadn't known it already, but to have the confirmation from Cassandra herself was different. It was definitive. And it hurt him surprisingly.

" Angel, " Lavi exclaimed again " What are you saying? " he advanced and took her hands between his in a gentle way " Please, Angel, return to yourself! " he said.

He shouldn't have done, nor said, it. As soon as he touched her hands, the woman's eyes narrowed with rage and she hit him again, more violently.

"Where does all these liberties come from? Don't treat me as if I was a friend of yours, I don't know you!" She said with a threatening voice, and then she raised her left hand. Lavi fell on his knees, unable to breathe anymore. Kanda knew what would have come next and didn't want to see it. He advanced shouting:

" Stop it, Cassandra! ".

Surprisingly, she really stopped and looked back at him. She inclined her head slightly as if she was examining him, then she spoke with that cold voice he'd almost gotten used to:

" I've already seen you… Yes, you're the one to whom I asked to be taken to the Headquarters of the Black Order…"

Kanda knew that she would have said so, that she would have forgotten everything that had happened between them, no, between him and Angel, but it hurt him anyway.

" So I did, _heartless one_. " he answered. He didn't know why he had said so; he simply couldn't help but call her like that. She frowned with curiosity and then she smiled slightly in a bitter way.

" I don't know what happened since I fell asleep, but I guess I deserve to be called "heartless". She said and released poor Lavi who was going to die at any moment. While he was gradually returning himself, she turned towards him and said:

" I've spared your life because I owned a favour to that one over there, but take this as an advice: I'm not the person you knew and I won't allow familiarity from anyone of yours, am I clear? "she exclaimed slowly and fiercely. Everyone nodded, except Kanda, and then she added:

" Tell me where I can meet your boss, now. " she ordered and she appeared very annoyed too.

" T-this way…" Lenalee managed to say pointing at the corridor that would have taken her to Komui's office.

" Thank you." Cassandra answered sternly and she was going to left, but Kanda asked her:

" Who are you truly? "

At these words she stopped abruptly and, not caring to turn and look at him in the face, she answered:

" I'm a chosen one, I'm one of the Hearts, I'm an avenger and many other things." She said and left, but not before Kanda could guess a tune of sadness in her voice that no-one else noticed.

As soon as the echo of her paces vanished, Lavi asked:

"What has happened to her? " He didn't seem hurt or angry for what she had just done to him; he was only confused and a bit frightened: he hadn't understood the meaning of what had just happened.

" It's very simple." Kanda answered: " Cassandra has awakened. The woman we all knew does not exist anymore. " he declared, and then he left too, taking the opposite direction to Cassandra's, unable to remain there with the others a minute longer.

* * *

…_Through his eyes…_

Kanda almost ran away from the room, searching for someplace where he could rest and think. The problem was that he didn't know where to go.

He just wanted to be alone, no matter where, he just wanted complete silence, complete solitude.

In the past he would have headed without any hesitation to the meditation room, but now his memories had banished him from that place for it was full of memories of her and he didn't believe he could bear the sight of it, not now at least. The same was for the training room where they had spent so many hours together.

"_Too much memories…" _

Kanda had always hated having memories; he thought them to be useless, as the past was, for they made him unable to focus on the present, as in that moment.

He could see her everywhere, she _was _everywhere, haunting him as a phantom would do with his murderer and Kanda couldn't help but feel as if he was really guilty for Angel's disappearance. If only he had been really honest with her, if only he had told her the truth about his lifespan, then she wouldn't have ever thought of sacrificing herself to protect him. It had been a useless sacrifice, that's what was driving him mad more than anything else: it could have been avoided.

But then he couldn't escape the thought: why the Hell had she done such a thing? Why had she felt obliged to save him? What had he meant to her? After all, in the last two weeks he had done nothing, but avoiding her and hurting her on purpose, being as cruel as he could, so, then, why had she whished to save him? Why had she put herself between him and the level four? Kanda couldn't help, but feel angry at her for her childish behaviour, so stupid…

He directed his paces towards his room.

He could almost hear Angel's voice asking him:

"_Where are you running, Kanda-chan?"_

" Far away from you!" he replied out loud without realizing that her voice existed only in his mind now. If she would have been there she would have surely smiled and said that he was a liar. She'd have been right, Kanda knew it.

" _The truth is that you were important to me, but I couldn't accept it, I couldn't accept you and now… now I've lost you."_ He thought as he entered in his room.

He closed the door behind him with too much force and it cracked as he sat on his bed, hiding his face between his hands to regain his composure. But it was useless.

How could he avoid the memory of that night, when she had come to him, asking for his protection and comfort? That night he had been annoyed by her presence for all the embarrassment that it caused, and yet to see her needing him had given him a strange satisfaction. He had been useful to someone, someone who needed him and no-one else. To her he had been necessary and this had given him a strange, warm feeling he hadn't felt since his childhood when his sister was still alive.

Angel had meant many things to him: she had been the one to give him a new kind of life, to make him remember that there was something else in life than empty ideals to follow, that there were things much more important than the orders.

After Heiko's death Kanda had forgotten all this, frozen in the shell he had withdrawn in. He had willingly forgotten how it was to love and be loved by someone, he had closed his heart to everyone, until she had come in his life all of a sudden, making a breach in his heart thanks to her resemblance with his sister.

Angel had the same determinate gaze, the same innocence Heiko had, but it wasn't for this that Kanda had grew affectionate to her. Honestly, he didn't know why she had made such an impression on him, but it was a matter of fact that he couldn't get angry at her, he couldn't say "no" to her, that he had felt the need of protecting her.

Kanda couldn't resist: she had become indispensable to him before he could even notice that he had let her in in his heart. But even if he had realized the danger, how could he have rejected her when she was so beautiful and innocent that she'd have made an angel blush with envy, so strong and determinate…

Kanda would have never forgotten her gaze.

He had loved her in his own way, with masquerade tenderness, and now she was gone, she had disappeared, she was worst than dead. The person he had protected until that moment had vanished, forever, and what remained was only an empty shell and a character somehow corrupted and soulless. He couldn't recognise anymore the woman he knew in that features, not when they were distorted by Cassandra's grim. The feeling of loss was filling him, the emptiness…

Kanda felt so angry and abandoned.

Angel's disappearance had left an empty space inside him that he could physically felt, and it hurt, it hurt so much that it was really hard to breathe, as if his lungs couldn't inhale any air anymore because of that painful pressure on them.

It hurt.

It hurt.

It hurt and that's why he was so angry. Yes, he felt very angry: with her, because she had left him alone, but mostly with himself because he let had her take such importance in his heart or whatever it was that thing that was aching in his chest taking his breath away.

Anger had always been the favourite emotion of Kanda because it was easy to hide behind it every strong feeling he could happen to feel, be it sadness, pain, or pity, so, even in that moment, the only emotion towards her that he could allow himself to show, without hurting his own pride, was anger.

He loved her, even if he wasn't sure which kind of love his was, and yet he hated her, he despised her, because she had dared to become important to him and then she had disappeared. Willingly.

He felt used by both Angel and Cassandra as if the two women had plotted against him to hurt him. It was a ridiculous idea, yet Kanda clanged to this thought to make his anger increase, so that there was only rage inside him, so much rage that there was no space left for any other feeling.

But then what was that creepy emptiness that was still crawling inside him, devouring ever scrap of peace he had been able to obtain in the last nine years?

Solitude. He missed her. Without realizing it, she had become a constant presence in his life: she was always there, meditating with him, joking with him, making him laugh and often pissing him off too…

Suddenly Kanda got even angrier when he realized that all his memories of the last months at the Headquarters were concerning her. He would have liked to shout out whatever was coming to his mind(maybe it'd have made the pain easier to bear), he would have liked to destroy everything his gaze may ever fall upon, but as soon as he thought of wielding Mugen he felt horror and disgust.

Innocence. It had been the Innocence the one which had turned her in that…_thing. _

He hated that _thing _that was possessing her body, so he hated Innocence too. It had been the Innocence to turn Angel in Cassandra, in that unnatural monster! If Angel had been more fascinating than any woman he had ever seen, Cassandra was even more shining, unnaturally beautiful, so much that she seemed a miracle, something that was obviously not human. She was monstrous.

That was one of the reasons why he had thought her unreachable when he had seen her for the first time: she was too different form humans, she evidently belonged to some other world. She was a goddess.

But then had come Angel, so similar to a child in her behaviour, so week, all the opposite of Cassandra, and Kanda had been attracted by her as a magnet may be, he had been near her, he had thought to understand her, to have conquered her affection somehow.

And now it was all gone.

Cassandra was back, the person he had known had vanished and he was at the start point again. He was alone, again. He had been hopelessly stupid to hope that she would have remained to his side, that she wouldn't have let him sink in the darkness of his mind again.

In the gloomy atmosphere of the Headquarters, where talks about dead people and war were almost the only kind of conversation available, she had been a ray of light, her optimism and ingenuity had been his relief, his only hope in a dark world dominated by hatred and disillusion. Somehow her naivety hadn't been annoying as the moyashi's was and Kanda had actually started to think, without realizing it, that she would have remained beside him until the _end_.

That's what made even harder for him to accept that she was gone: it hurts when you think that what you want is unreachable, but it hurts even more when you get it and then you see it escape from your fingers, you can't hold it back, like water. And when you know that you have lost it forever, well, then the pain becomes unbearable.

Kanda's fist hit the wall behind him with a muffled sound.

He didn't want to think about her, he didn't want to realize how important she had become to him!

But his memories were merciless. No matter where he could turn his thoughts on, sooner or later her face would have come out of the memories, smiling, or looking back at him with an angry expression and she would have inevitably said: _" Go on, Kanda-chan! "_

The man held tightly his head between his own hands. It was an obsession. _She_ was _his _obsession, no matter how he looked at it, she was his weak point.

He felt exposed, week, vulnerable, and this brought him back to a feeling he had thought to have forgotten: fear. It seemed centuries from the last time he had felt like this, and yet he remembered very well the bitter taste of having no way out, unable to react, of being afraid.

" I can't go on like this…" Kanda thought and the idea made him advance towards a drawer and open it. He took a few pills and ate them all at once. The nurse had given them to him some time before when he had been tormented by nightmares; she said they were just sedatives.

" Well, I guess I need them now…" Kanda thought and fell asleep as soon as he reached his bed.

* * *

_Meanwhile, in the infirmary…_

After Cassandra and Kanda had gone away, the other exorcists were taken to the infirmary to be treated. Lenalee and Lavi were almost fine, somehow the injuries on the redhead had healed in a miraculous way; the worst conditions were those of Chaoji and Allen. The fat one had hit his head and had fallen in something similar to a coma, though the nurse had made it clear that it was nothing to worry about: he would have awakened soon.

For Allen, instead, things were different. His body hadn't been hurt at all, but it couldn't be said the same about his mind. Since when he had opened his eyes and screamed, the teen hadn't pronounced a single word to anyone, he had been just staring blankly in front of him.

Actually, he was still acting in this strange, creepy way when Lenalee seated beside him with tears at the corner of her eyes:

" Oh, Allen, I'm so happy that we could save you from the hands of that witch!" she murmured and hugged him. The teen shuddered in fear and tried to draw back, but he didn't give sign of understanding what had happened, he didn't even look at her. Lenalee let him go, but stared at him as if he had slapped her.

" What's happening to you Allen?" She asked tenderly trying to obtain his attention, but the teen's eyes were wandering somewhere far away from her face, he didn't even see her. His mind hadn't completely recovered from the effects of Road's power and his brain was still focused on the Noah.

Well, I can't say that he was actually _thinking _about her, for his state of mind allowed him to feel a lot of strange, contrasting emotions, but not to elaborate them. We can say that his mind was possessed by his emotions in an absolute way that precluded him every rational thought; he couldn't even realize what was happening around him.

Many images rushed violently trough his mind taking his breath away: they were something like pictures taken from those moments when he had been Road's prisoner. He could still saw the Noah's tears-streamed face in front of him and feel those waves of anger and sadness she had directed against him, piercing his heart with the intensity of her emotions.

He could still hear her voice saying:_" Don't dare to pity me!"_ and her rage, her solitude, her inability to be alone. But she was right, Allen had no right to pity her and he didn't, for pity is something reserved to weak people and she wasn't weak at all. She had the inner strength to keep on following the path she had chosen for herself, no matter how cruel solitude and pain could be. She had the same strength he had, so Allen didn't pity her, but he couldn't avoid the regret. Why did they have to be enemies? Why couldn't they be on the same side being sure to fight for the righteous ones? Why everything always had to be so difficult?

Allen couldn't avoid regretting that their life was doomed to end in bloodshed and he felt pure rage towards those who had condemned them to that destiny. But, really, who was to blame for what had happened, and was still happening, to them?

Who should he have accused: the Millennium Earl for his plans about humanity? The Innocence, for having chosen them as their apostles? Or that God he couldn't honestly say to believe in? Wasn't his the fault for having allowed all those terrible things to happen? Or the only guilty ones were the humans, instead, because of their weakness?

Allen's heart yearned desperately for someone to blame, someone guilty to hate and punish for the pain _they all_ were suffering. No matter if humans, exorcists, Noahs or akuma, they were _all_ suffering. Allen couldn't help, but see them all as victims. They were all to blame, in a way or another, but there was no-one guiltier than the others and no-one was really innocent. Nothing absolute. It was terrible.

He was thinking about this when a sweet, worried voice finally reached his ears. Lenalee's voice.

Allen was called back from that world of nightmares by the voice of the Chinese girl.

The teen blinked one, two times, desiring to return to the real world, and finally he saw her, his companion, crying in front of him. The sight of her startled him for a moment, but then he recovered his usual, false smile:

"What's wrong, Lenalee? Why are you crying?"

She stared back at him with a surprised look on her face, her eyes red for the tears, her cheeks wet. Normal women would look terrible while crying( red nose, upset eyes, et cetera… ), but not her, she was still adorable, or so Allen thought, at least. Adorable: the perfect word to describe Lenalee.

" Oh, Allen, you've come back!" she exclaimed with joy and embrace him once again. This time Allen didn't draw back. It felt strange and horrible to have hands on him after what had happened with Road only a few hours before, but this was Lenalee, the sweet, caring, Lenalee. No way that he could rudely reject her, no matter how uneasy he may felt.

The teen brushed her hair in a reassuring way, smiling softly to make her understand that it was all ok.

" Allen, you scared us!" she almost shouted in his ear, " We all were so worried! Even after the witch was gone, you didn't say anything, you didn't even seem to recognize us!"

Allen stiffened instinctively: " The witch?" he asked surprised.

" Yes, I mean that Noah…that Road… She is obsessed by you, the monster." The female exorcist replied, her voice annoyed.

" The monster?" Allen arched his eyebrows, " Don't you think you're exaggerating?" He asked again, remembering Road's words of some night before. The words of that time echoed in his ears:

" _Do you think of us Noahs as monsters? Do you hate us? Do you hate __me__?"_

" No, I think it's the right definition for her and her monstrous family." Lenalee replied decisively making Allen felt even more uneasy. He couldn't blame Lenalee, after all it was because of the Noahs that her life had been a real Hell, but he couldn't agree with her. He had never thought about Road as a monster, never, not even when he was his prisoner. There was something that forbade him to forget that she was as human as they exorcist were.

Lenalee noticed that Allen was worried by something and thinking that he was suffering because of the memories of his last shocking experience in the hands of the Noah, she tried to distract him:

" It seems that you're better now, Allen, you'll be dismissed soon, won't you? You're not hurt after all…"

" I guess that I'll be out for tomorrow." He agreed.

" Then, tomorrow we'll spend all the day having fun together!" Lenalee said and it was an order.

" What?" Allen cried out, surprised: it was so un-Linalee-like to say such a thing.

" It's only that lately we never had time to spend alone, as normal humans… We do meet and talk only on the battlefield… And I hate it: it make me feel as if we are only colleagues and not friends." Her voice was sad and Allen perceived it.

" Go on, Lenalee, don't be that sad, you make me feel guilty…" He tried to say, " Tomorrow we'll spend a day all together, right? We'll invite everyone: Lavi, Bookman, Crowley, Miranda, Marie, Chaoji, and maybe Angel will convince Kanda to join as well!" The teen tried to cheer her up, but Lenalee's eyes widened painfully in response.

" Allen, you don't know?"

" I don't know what?" The exorcist asked surprised. He suddenly felt worried: had something happen to one of their friends?

" Allen…" Lenalee began biting her inferior lip, " Angel is no more. Cassandra has regained possess of her body and our Angel has disappeared."

Allen looked at her baffled without saying a single word.

* * *

**Author's notes— **_**My beautiful, cruel queen**_

**Hi, everyone! How was this chapter? It seems ages to me since I imagined this chapter. I desired to write this for so long… So long that when the time finally came I had lost all inspiration! The writer's work is so cruel sometimes...**

**Well, I put all my brain in this chapter, especially in representing a sorrowful Kanda that could appear credible, so you're all kindly requested to leave a review of any kind!!!****! Go on, does it cost so much to you to leave some word as a comment and make me happy? I always try to leave a review to every story I read and I'm sad that the others doesn't do the same with me… It is no right: one puts so many efforts in writing a story and no-one reviews… it's unfair… Anyway, **

**I wish you Goodnight…**

**Eris92**

**Rome, 01.03.10**


	23. Chapter 23 Interview with the goddess

**Hi, everyone, here we have chapter XXIII, a big step towards the truth! **

**I'm sooooo sorry for uploading this late, but I couldn't help it!!!!**

**Honestly, I'm so tired that I'm almost sleep-writing, but that's beside the point. I wanted to ask something: where has Knuxx33 gone? I miss her reviews and her help!!! Anyway, I ****thank her very much for everything she has done for me until now: her advice has been precious. **

**Soundtrack for this chapter:**

"**Ice queen" and "Aquarius" by Within Temptation.**

_**CHAPTER XXIII**_**- ****INTERVIEW WITH THE GODDESS**

_Headquarters of the Black Order, Komui's office, afternoon…_

Having left all the other exorcists behind her, Cassandra headed towards the Supervisor's office.

She felt quite confused: according to her last memories, she had asked to an exorcist to be taken to the Black Order and after this she had lost consciousness. Now that she had awakened she had found herself at the Headquarters, no surprise here, but something had shocked her: It was the familiar way everyone had treated her with. It was something she had never been used to, being close to someone, and the familiar attitude of the other exorcists had disturbed her. She had felt the need to make it clear once for all the difference between she and them. "Angel", that's how they had called her. What kind of name is "Angel"?

The whole matter was pathetic, just pathetic.

Cassandra could guess that some month had passed since she had fell asleep, yet she couldn't make a precise valuation and this disturbed her even more. She was used to have everything under her control; it made her feel uneasy and vulnerable to not know exactly where she was and how and when she had come there.

" _I have no time to feel weak or to show it,"_ she thought fiercely, _" I've to focus on my plan right now. The plan: that's all that matter. You'll see, Earl."_

Cassandra reached the door of the Supervisor's office and opened it without knocking. She had no time to spare with useless politeness.

" Good afternoon, Miss Cassandra." Komui welcomed her, seating behind his desk, " I was waiting for you."

There was a strange, determinate look on the Supervisor's face, so serious, so out of character, that it was almost funny. To the woman it seemed obvious that he didn't trust her: he thought her to be a danger. It took all her self-control not to laugh at him in the face. Things were going to be funnier that she had expected.

From his part, Komui wasn't amused at all by her. That woman was a threat, it had been evident since the very beginning, and that's why he had done everything in his power to avoid her return. But he had failed, they all had failed, and now they must dealt with her.

" I guess you've recovered your memories and your powers." Komui began. Cassandra smirked in amusement:

" It'd be more exact to say that I've regained myself."

She had the dangerous and satisfied expression of a cat that is going to eat a mouse as she stared at him. Komui moved uneasy on his chair. That woman frightened him.

" Go on, Supervisor," She said with a small, charming, laugh which seemed everything but sincere, " don't be so tense! I swear that I'm not going to cause any problem to the Order." She put a hand on her heart as she swore scoffing him with her mocking grin. Komui didn't relax himself, not even a little:

" Then why did you ask to Kanda to be taken here? What's your connection with the Earl? _Who are you_?" His behaviour had been surprisingly rude and aggressive, but Cassandra didn't seem to notice it for she sighed and fell on the chair in front of him with a languid movement. She stared at him with an inquiring look:

" How many questions, Supervisor… Do you really expect me to answer to them all at once? Why don't you offer me some whisky before? I seriously doubt that the other me has ever drunk alcoholics during my absence and I like so much to have something to warm myself with…"

" We're not joking here, Miss Cassandra!" Komui answered angrily, but all the response he could get out of her was the umpteenth sigh:

" You all are so serious here… If I think of all the efforts I made to get here to help you… With all the important information I have to give you, I expected a kinder welcome…"

" What kind of information???"

" My whisky first, please." She smiled again and, as before, the smile didn't reach her eyes. Komui raised his gaze towards the sky and ordered to a finder to bring what the woman had requested.

" The drink will come soon. What about starting our conversation meanwhile?" The Supervisor tried.

" Fine by me." Cassandra replied, " Just tell me what you want to know."

" Everything." He answered immediately and she rolled her eyes in response:

" You say it as if it was easy… Tell me from where should I start at least."

" Who are you? When and how did you meet the Millennium Earl?" Komui asked immediately. She thought about it for a moment:

" It's not as easy as it may seem to answer since I don't exactly know who and what I am myself. I think I should start telling you about my life and my family, though it is so meaningless to talk about them… Still you said you want to know everything and, since I want you to trust me, I'll tell you the whole story with so many particulars that you'll grow bored." She sighed again in annoyance and then she began, her face serious once again:

" My name, as you know, is Cassandra and as far as I know I never had a surname, not that I've ever needed it anyway. I'm twenty, I guess, and I don't remember of having ever been normal. I don't remember my parent's names for I don't see them since the age of five. They're not dead, I imagine, I just don't know who they are and where they live.

Anyway, I was born in Italy, in a little town near Rome, the capital, and there I lived, with my parents and my grandmother, until _he _arrived. As you have surely guessed, I'm an accommodator for Innocence, a very particular type of Innocence which is even stronger that parasitic, so my life has never been "normal". I've always been able to hear things the other couldn't even imagine, but my parents always laughed when I said it to them: they thought it to be the joke of a child.

I was happy: my parents loved me, everyone always praised my beauty, and my grandmother used to told me many stories about the past that she knew. I loved this all, but what I loved the most were the voice that I alone could hear: every night, when I couldn't sleep, the voices used to sing for me strange lullabies in foreign tones. I couldn't recognize the words, obviously, but I could _feel_ the meaning. They told me that I was special, that I'd been chosen, that there was nothing to fear for they would have protected me always. To summary everything in three words: I was happy. Nothing could have been better, couldn't it?" She asked looking away, her gaze lost somewhere far away from the Supervisor.

Cassandra's voice sounded tired and nostalgic to Komui's ears, but he didn't really care: whether her story was pure fantasy or it was all true he discovered that he wouldn't have minded to listen to her until the end of time. There was something in her that made every word important and charming, a spell that captured those who listened to her; her movements were so expressive that you could just imagine what she was going to say from the way she moved her hands. As Komui was lost in observing everything he could about her, Cassandra went on:

" But then _he_ arrived and _he_ ruined everything, the Millennium Earl. I was five at that time, only I child, but his appearance is not something I can forget, nor forgive. He came to me in an autumn day. I still remember the red colour of the fading leafs on the ground. Red, orange, yellow, they were everywhere painting the sky itself with their melancholy beauty. I was out for a walking in the wood with my family, it was an habit we did have, when he appeared out of nowhere.

He startled me, the sight of him sent chills down to my spine and I felt something inside me react at his presence, rejecting him, every muscle of my body stiffened and I suddenly became strangely aware of everything surrounding me. It's not a feeling one can describe at words… so I'll just say that I still remember my grandmother's comment: _ He surely has no style… _She said as soon as she saw him."

Cassandra stopped again and gave a brief laugh without happiness before continuing:

" We thought him to be a foreigner and imagined that he would just pass by us, but he didn't. He stopped in that clownish way of his and bowed in front of me: _ Good morning little miss._ He told me. My parents ad I thought that he had to be just the umpteenth stranger who had stopped to praise my surprising beauty, but then he added: _You possess quite a strange Innocence, don't you, little miss? _ He brought his ridiculous face near to mine and my memories of what happened after this are very confused. I only know that in that moment the voices started shouting in my head and my Innocence awakened once for all. It rejected the Earl, but even after this, the voices didn't stop singing. They never stopped singing. They're still here, in my head, whispering sweet lullabies and ancient truths. This was my first encounter with the Millennium Earl."

Cassandra stared at Komui in the eyes intensely and for a moment the Supervisor didn't know what to say. Her eyes, of a strange shade of green, blue and yellow all mixed together, were just too particular, too beautiful, her gaze was that piercing that Komui felt subdued to her. At the end, he spoke:

" The voices you hear… Is it your Innocence?"

" It is." There was a strange seriousness in those two words.

" And you may _speak_ with it? You can dialogue with it?"

" I can, but it answer me only when it wants to."

" And…" Komui hesitated.

" Yes?" she encouraged him.

" What happened after you met the Millennium Earl? You said you hadn't seen your parents since the age of five…"

" After this, it was evident that I wasn't human, that I had strange powers which had made the stranger vanish and I started to have many problems: I couldn't separate reality from the images that my Innocence were sending to my head, I couldn't distinguish the voices I heard from the real ones. I thought to have gone crazy and my parents were frightened by me, they could barely stand the sight of me without become hysteric, so my grandmother sent them away: _" If you can't be strong, then go play the idiots somewhere else."_ She ordered them. She was wise, and she took care of me while they were away." Cassandra's voice was plain and emotionless as she was saying this, as if the story wasn't related to her, as if it wasn't her the victim of that cruelty.

Komui hesitated again before asking: "Where is she now?"

" When I was fourteen an akuma killed her while I was away. After this I realized that I couldn't be close to anyone without putting them in danger, so I left my birth-town and I wandered across many countries."

" It must had been hard for you to left that place to go in foreign countries…" Komui asked sympathetic. It had happened the same to him and his sister, he could understand that pain, but Cassandra surprised him once again:

" Not really. The voices and my grandmother had always been my only home; once she was gone that town meant nothing to me. I have no regrets. "

" Where did you go?"

" I visited France, Switzerland, Germany, Greece, Malta, Spain, everywhere. I've followed the wind and the voices. They always spoke to me, even now they do, and they told me in which direction I had to go, they guided me on the path of the exorcist forcing me to devote my whole existence to the extermination of akuma, to free those miserable souls." Once again her voice was plain and emotionless, but when she spoke about akuma a strange light appeared in her eyes. Komui couldn't help, but be surprised by her behaviour, he wanted to ask more about her private life, about her feelings, but he had his duty to deal with, so, instead, he asked:

" Did you met the Millennium Earl again? What do you know about him and the Noahs?"

" I know what my Innocence told me which is more or less what you all, inside the Order, know already. The voices told me about his plan of destruction for the world, of the sufferance of the souls imprisoned inside the akuma, of the existence of cavaliers protecting the Earl, the Noahs, and that's all. In this way I got to know about the Black Order's existence too. I met the Earl and his protectors several times during my travels and I fought against them, but I succeeded in killing a Noah only once, two years ago. His name was Fortune, if my memory is correct."

" You succeeded in killing a Noah?" Komui was surprised though it was only to be expected from someone who had been able to be up to the Earl in a fight.

" Yes, I did." She replied with calm, rolling her eyes in annoyance. Why had she to repeat everything two times before this man could understand her words? Her English pronounce wasn't that bad after all…

Anyway, Komui recovered quickly from the surprise:

" I guess you already know what I'm going to ask you…"

" You're going to ask me what kind of Innocence is mine and why is it so special? Do you wonder why my Innocence does speak to me while all the others don't? Why is it that strong?"

"Exactly."

Cassandra smiled with satisfaction as if she had done nothing, but expecting that moment until then and infact:

" I was wondering when were you going to brought up this matter…" She smiled again, "These are the _"important information" _I wanted to reveal you." She declared slowly, smiling. She was clearly enjoying the sight of the anxious Supervisor.

After several minutes she finally put down the empty glass and stared at Komui directly in his eyes bringing her face too near to his, the confident smile still on her lips. The man swallowed feeling uneasy.

" Tell, me, Supervisor," she began, " what do you think Innocence is?"

" It is an holy substance which God gave to humans to help them fight the Millennium Earl"

At his words Cassandra rolled her eyes and drew back suddenly giving a deep sigh:

" How ignorant and fanatic can you be at the Black Order? How stupid are you to award everything to God? Do you really think that he cares for us? Do you really think that he wants us to win?"

" Yes, I do!" Komui replied indignantly, " That's the reason why the Black Order exist!"

" That's why the Black Order is _weak_!" she replied furiously, " What meaning there is in fighting for a God you've never seen or hear, for someone distant and emotionless who can't care less about us? It's for themselves, for humans, that you all should fight, instead! Idiots." She raged. Komui remained at a loss of words in front of her fury. He didn't know how to reply and, honestly, he didn't even want to.

" Innocence," Cassandra kept talking angrily, " you've studied it for a century and you don't have a better definition than that miserable one? You really think it's only a _"thing"_? A "holy material"? Would you be so kind to explain me what _"holy material"_ means, please?"

Again, Komui remained silent and Cassandra sighed in annoyance before starting to explain:

" The 109 pieces of Innocence that do exist in the world are _spirits_, they are the nature's souls, if you want a metaphysical definition, they're the will and the strength of this world, this material world that the religion has always condemned as the kingdom of sin." She declared with despise. She obviously wasn't a fanatic of religion…

" Well, listen to me carefully from now on because I'll say it only once. As I said, Innocence is a _soul_, but it yearns for a body and for company, so it searches for an accommodator who has a soul and a body compatible with its. In other words it searches for another soul similar to itself." She paused to give to Komui some time to regain his composure.

" Do you mean that every piece of Innocence has an independent will?" The Supervisor asked.

" Of course it has! I thought you had understood this at least!"

" We guessed it," Komui confirmed with embarrassment, " but to hear you confirm our suppositions in another matter…"

" Let's imagine that I can understand what you mean…" She interrupted him, " Now let me finish my explanation, please." She declares and went on with her speech without leaving him any time to reply:

" As you can imagine, you're supposed to be intelligent since you're the Supervisor after all, the more the soul of the accommodators and the Innocence are similar, the more the synchronization is high. Obviously, the more the synchronization levels are high the more the accommodator is strong."

" We had already understood it." Komui confirmed trying to regain a little bit of his lost dignity, but she mercilessly destroyed his attempt:

" Thanks God!" she replied ironically.

" You still haven't told me what makes your Innocence so special. Are you trying to say that your level of synchronization in absurdly high?"

" No, well, yes, my level of synchronization is probably higher that anything you've seen until now since my Innocence and me are more or less the same thing, but that's not all. There is a hierarchy even among Innocences. The weakest are those which usually assume an equipment-type appearance, but Innocence may have this form if its bond with the accommodator is weak too. The parasitic-type is stronger for many reasons: first of all its physical connection with the compatible makes it easier to communicate intentions and will, and this way the Innocence may drain some of the accommodator's life to increase its potential. That's why parasitic-type usually don't last long. You surely know all this already, but I guess you know nothing about the elemental type, don't you?" she asked with a conceited smile.

" The _elemental-type_?" Komui asked in amazement.

" Exactly." She confirmed, "It's the most powerful kind of Innocence and there are only four of them which incarnate the fundamental elements of materia: water, earth, fire, air. They're very different from the other Innocence, you may even say that they're not Innocence at all. But you really didn't know anything about it?" She asked genuinely surprised.

" Never heard, nor suspected it, but tell me more about this kind on Innocence, tell me everything you know." Komui stared at her with anticipation and curiosity, his eyes wide and Cassandra couldn't help but think that he wasn't so bad a person after all. Yes, she decided, she would have told everything to that strange scientist, in part because the Order would have used her knowledge to destroy their common enemy, the Earl, and in part because she just wanted to reveal her dark secrets to someone who would have understood her words after so many years of desperate silence.

You may say that she just wanted to say it all out loud and prove to herself that she wasn't mad, that she hadn't imagined everything. During her long years of travelling, she had never had the chance to reveal all the truth to someone, both to protect the people she had entered in contact with and not to be believed crazy. Now, finally, she could say it, she could hear her voice saying clearly the truth she had kept locked inside her until that moment, she could speak without using any kind of deceive or metaphor, without lying. It was refreshing. It felt good.

She felt lighter at any word as she went on with her speech:

" As I told you before, the Innocence, being a spiritual thing, desires flesh, it desires a body, and the only way it has to get it is fusing itself with a human being. For the elemental-type is the same, only that this desire is even stronger."

" But why does the Innocence desire to have a body?" Komui interrupted her.

" Have you ever desired immortality for yourself, or for someone you love, Supervisor?" She asked in response. The look on Komui's face spoke for him.

" Can't you see?" She went on, " Human beings desires immortality for they have never experienced it. It's something they can't ever have so they feel attracted by it. For the Innocence is the same: it is immortal, the elemental-type lives since the beginning of the world, it has lived for so much that it can't even conceive the idea of time or death. That's why it feels naturally attracted by what's temporary and is born and lives and dies. The Innocence has lived for so much that it can't even imagine what the meaning of life is, so it tries to understand it trough humans." She explained with measured gestures. Komui nodded in agreement: he had started to understand.

" As I was saying," Cassandra continued, " this desire is even stronger in the elemental-type because they live since the beginning of the world and since then they're alone. Besides this, the more the Innocence is strong, the more it is conscious of its identity and desires. The emotions the elemental-type feels are as strong as human's, probably even more intense, while equipment-type usually doesn't even realize what its desires are, it just acts.

For all this reasons, Innocence searches for someone who has a soul similar to its to fuse with him/her, it's a natural instinct, but if the weak types are easily satisfied, elemental-type is not: it doesn't want _someone similar _as it's personification, it wants a perfect one, someone identical to it in mind and soul." Cassandra made a pause thoughtfully:

" Actually, what I'm saying is not completely right: I'm speaking of the four of them as if they were a single beings, but in reality their characters are very different, even opposites sometimes as the Dark matter proves."

" What has the dark matter to do with this?" Komui asked all of a sudden, but a part of him had already started to guess the truth.

" The Dark Matter is an elemental-type Innocence, it's the fifth element, but it has been at the Earl's service since my Innocence can remember, which means a lot of time." Cassandra explained simply. An awkward silence fell in the room.

" The Dark Matter is… Innocence?" Komui repeated in a faint voice trying to accept the news.

" Innocence is a name _you_ invented and the same is for Dark Matter. You gave to them different names and decided that one was good and the other bad, but this doesn't mean that they're different things as you'd like to believe." She reminded him. Komui nodded weekly. Cassandra really was an interesting source of information for him, more than he had dared to imagine.

" So," she restarted, " the element-types are very different from each other, and their differences can be noticed even in the way they choose their host: if Fire and Air are quite easy satisfied and it's no rare for them to have an human personification, for Earth and Water things are different. This two are very strict in their choice. I don't know how many times Earth has chosen an host, but for what concerns Water I can assure you that before me there was only another human who had been claimed as its personification and it happened seven thousands years ago." She made a pause and smiled with that arrogance which was one of her main features.

Meanwhile Komui was more or less surprised. What had upset him wasn't her confession of being the host of Water, he had since long guessed it, no, what had struck him was the coincidence: seven thousand years before the element had chosen a personification and the Earl had been beaten. Was it time for the legend to repeat itself? He couldn't help, but wonder.

" So, you really are the host for an important piece of Innocence." Komui declared slowly at last. Cassandra assumed a fierce expression as she answered:

" I've been claimed by Water as its personification since my birth. I've never been anything, but a goddess." She declared with all the authority and the confidence a living being may have.

" I-I understand." Komui replied weakly, shocked by her intensity.

" You understand?" she mocked him, " Don't make me laugh, please. A scientist, someone who has worked for an invisible God for all his life, a person like you can't possibly understand."

Komui didn't know what to reply, so he remained in silence and the same did Cassandra who had felt insulted by his last statement. There was no way he could possibly understand it, the pain with no way out, the endless curse of solitude, madness always walking beside you…

" How can we recognize an elemental type?" Komui asked at last.

" There are many ways," Cassandra began to answer, but there was no light in here eyes anymore, the confidential atmosphere which had existed between them for a little while had vanished, " but there is only one method which gives you the certainty: you have to put the accommodator in mortal danger. If the Innocence tries to protect him on its free will, then he surely is a compatible, if he dies, instead, he's not."

Komui shuddered at the idea of Leverrier hearing her words: he wouldn't have hesitated a moment to transform her suggestion into action, but the Supervisor had different ideas in mind.

"It's simple," Cassandra went on with her explanation, " Usually the Innocence chooses an accommodator so that he can serve it, but with the elemental-types it's a different matter: the bond between them and the accommodators is very strong, stronger than any relationship that can be established between two persons. If the accommodators usually serve the Innocence, in the elemental kind happens the opposite: it is the Innocence which serves the human it has chosen, even if normally there are conditions that the accommodator has to respect for this to happen."

" What kind of conditions?"

" It depends. Every Innocence has its own claims that the accommodator has to satisfy."

" What terms did you have to accept?" Komui asked quickly.

" This is something that concerns me and my Innocence, Supervisor. It's nothing of your business." She replied immediately and her gaze made it clear that she wouldn't have tolerated further questions on the matter.

" And if…" Komui began and stopped. Cassandra looked at him with a questioning look.

" … If an exorcist has a vital organ gravely damaged and the Innocence repairs it, do you think there is a possibility that it is…"

" Then that Innocence surely is an elemental-type. No other kind of Innocence would do something like that for its accommodator." She stated.

" And if the Innocence changes its form to protect the compatible against his will?" Komui hesitated.

" It's the same of before."

A strange silence fell between the two. Then Cassandra spoke again:" From your questions I deduce that you've already found two element-types… You're talking about the white-haired boy and the Chinese girl, aren't you?"

" You noticed them already?" Komui was more than surprised. The woman smiled with arrogance as she explained:

" My Innocence reacted to theirs, so I immediately recognized them for what they really are. And that's not all. The red-headed imprudent man who dared to touch me… he's a chosen too. "

" LAVI?" Komui asked rising from his chair for the excitement.

" I don't know his stupid name," Cassandra declared arrogantly with an annoyed look on her beautiful features, " but he surely is the chosen one by Fire. When the level four was going to kill him, the flames saved him and healed his wounds."

" That's amazing…" Komui sit down again, staring blankly in front of him. So much revelations at once… he needed some time to absorb them, but the woman in front of him was impatient:

" So, Supervisor, do you have other questions for me, or can I just leave?" she seemed bored as she was gazing at the top of the room, her expression annoyed.

" Only one, for now." Komui said after a second.

" Speak then. Why the hell are you always hesitating?" she asked making it clear that she had changed her mood once again.

" Does the Heart we're searching for have something to do with all this?"

At this question the woman stared at him blankly:

" I mean, are you _idiot_?" she asked, rage spreading from her as poison, " Why do you think I've told you all this? OF COURSE IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE HEART!" She was almost breathless for the shouting and the annoyance while Komui was staring at her, terrified by her behaviour: " The four elemental-type together ARE the Heart, you moron!" She declared and made her way towards the door to left the room, murmuring something about _"stupid idiots who ask so many questions and understand nothing"_.

" Oh, please, Miss Cassandra," Komui tried to calm her down, " I'm sorry, but it didn't seem so clear to a normal human being!"

The praise seemed to sort some effect. Cassandra stopped and looked towards him. Komui was tempted to smile for he had found her weak point: her vanity and her arrogance. She was convinced to be superior to every human being, that's how she was, and if he was clever in using this knowledge of her faults, then he would have been able to manipulate her and, well, the idea of being able to control her actually made him feel very proud of himself.

But then Cassandra surprised him once more. She went towards him, she put her hands on his desk and, coming terribly near to his face, so much that Komui was left breathless by her inhuman beauty, she whispered in a seductive way:

" Do you think you can control me with such petty compliments Supervisor? You've surely underestimated me if you really believe you man manipulate me. I AM the one controlling you, for you'll fall for me as everyone does. It's unavoidable." She said, as if she had read in his mind, and the conceited smile reappeared on her face replacing the threatening expression of before. Yet that smile made her seem even more dangerous. Komui didn't have the spirit to reply to her arrogant statement and Cassandra turned once again towards the door.

Still the Supervisor knew he couldn't let her go like this without saying a word about _him_.

" Cassandra-san?" He called her back again. She stopped and turned towards him without a word. Once again her eyes had turned colder than ice and Komui wondered for the umpteenth time if it was okay for him to say what he had in mind. After all, he didn't want to make things even more complicated than they already were.

" What's the matter _now_, Supervisor?" She asked with a very annoyed voice and the sound of it sent chills down to Komui's spine. What was that feeling that was making him shiver? Fear, worry, attraction? He didn't know, but his mind went suddenly numb and he spoke forgetting any scruple:

" Ehm, it's just that, when you were there as _"Angel"_, you were very close to one of the exorcists… He was really affectionate to you, he's always protected you… he must have been shocked by Angel's disappearance…"

" So what?" Cassandra interrupted him, her eyes cruel and her voice emotionless.

" I just thought that it would have been nice from your part to go visiting him. As an exorcist you'll soon have to leave for a period of training under the protection of one of the generals and, well, it would be very kind from your part to go visiting him. His name is Kanda and…"

" Supervisor," she interrupted him, " I'm going to clarify this misunderstanding once for all, now. I'm not Angel, and I can't care less about her and her friends. I'm NOT Angel." She spelled every syllable with particular care as if she was speaking with an idiot and then she went away, closing the door behind her with decision.

Komui sighed with resignation.

So, that was the real Cassandra… Interesting, but dangerous. She was a strange woman, a terrible mix of passion and cruelty, of pity and indifference. From his part, the Supervisor couldn't say that he hadn't been charmed by her, he had surely been, but he didn't trust her. Now he understood the diffidence Kanda had had towards Angel at the beginning, when the innocent girl had declared to know nothing about herself. Having seen the real Cassandra, it was only natural that he hadn't been able to trust Angel at first, even if with time things had changed, of course.

Kanda… Komui knew him since he was a ten years old child and he had never seen him growing affectionate to someone though he had a strange sort of friendship with Marie. It had been strange to see him becoming protective and caring around someone, but he had: Angel had charmed him too.

And now she was gone, replaced by the cold-hearted Cassandra. Komui couldn't help, but feel worried for him. How was the swordsman going to react to the strange course of events that were taking place around him?

**Author's notes—"**_**Yes, my goddess"**_

**Hi, everybody! How was this chapter? It has been very difficult to write this for the large amount of information I had to put in it and I'm not sure at all that it went fine. Maybe I'll rewrite it in a better way… Should I? ****Please, I need your opinion****, so, please, review! It would be very appreciated…**

**I wanted to portrait Cassandra as a strong, particular character who always rules above the others, no matter who they are, thanks to her determination and her charm. She is cynic, she's proud and loves to drink and to be admired. Can you imagine how ****many troubles can create someone as her??? I think it will be very funny to write about her. **

**Tell me your opinion about this character and the information she has revealed!**

**Goodnight to you all, **

**Eris92**


	24. Chapter 24 I loved you

**Hi everyone, here there is another chapter**** all about Kanda and Cassandra. I love these two, isn't it clear?^^ But what do YOU think about them? I wonder…**

**Anyway, enough with the ramblings and go with the chapter! **

**Soundtrack:**

"**Wake me up when September ends" by Green day .**

_**CHAPTER XXIV**_**- ****I LOVED YOU**

_PART ONE: THE DREAM_

Cassandra's paces echoed in the dark corridors of the Headquarters. She didn't exactly know what she was going to do, nor why she was actually obeying to the perverse plan which had come out of her mind just a moment before, but it was a matter of fact that she wasn't resisting to her instinct in any way.

But what was the idea that had started to crawl in her mind?

She had decided that she wanted to see the exorcist Komui had mentioned to her: Kanda Yuu. Actually, she hadn't really _decided _to go visiting him, she had just felt the impulse to do so and there she was, walking towards the room of the exorcist.

She hadn't a clear idea of why she had felt that sudden desire, but after being told that she was going to leave the Headquarters in the space time of two days, she had immediately, and surprisingly, thought of that exorcist. Curiosity had overwhelmed her and she had decided to go seeing him before leaving.

It was a good choice after all, maybe, it would have been a good deed and she would have finally been able to solve the misunderstanding once for all: she was going to make it clear that she was not Angel in order to avoid any problem in future. It was so annoying when people kept on calling her by that hateful name! _"Angel"_: what kind of name was it? Really, she hated it, and even more she hated the idea of being misunderstood for that weak creature that had occupied her body for some month. She was nothing like that useless _thing_; she was Cassandra, the chosen one! No way that she could be mistaken to be someone else, especially if that someone else was a weak and stupid being without character.

Cassandra's paces kept on echoing in the deserted corridor.

She had no idea of where Kanda Yuu's room could be, but every room had his tenant's name carved on the door, so it was only a matter of time before she would find him. And, infact, after a ten minutes research she discovered in front of her exactly the room she was looking for. The words "_Kanda Yuu" _written in silver on the wood suddenly appeared threatening as if there was life in them and for the first time Cassandra hesitated: she had no idea of who this exorcist was, but there was a strange aura around that room which gave her a creepy feeling.

All of a sudden, the woman drew back with caution: she didn't want to enter there, she had the premonition that if she would have knocked then something unavoidable would have happened, something that would have changed her life completely.

Cassandra stared at the door for some moment in doubt, then her pride resurfaced and reminded her that she wasn't the kind of person who's afraid by shadows and premonitions. As the thought crossed her mind, the woman's expression changed in a determinate and fierce look, she took a step forward and knocked.

At the beginning nothing happened and she thought with relief that maybe, just maybe, he wasn't in his room in that moment, but then she felt the sound of a handle being turned and the door opened.

The face which appeared surprised her in a strange way and yet she felt that it had been unavoidable, that Kanda Yuu couldn't be anyone else but him, and for a brief moment everything made sense.

_Meanwhile…_

Kanda was there, alone in his room, when he heard someone knocking. He went towards to the door and he opened, but if he had known who it was he would have never done so.

Still, when he raised his face and his eyes met Cassandra's, he couldn't say to be surprised for he had always known that such a moment would have come. It was unavoidable. It was destiny that he and Cassandra would have met once again and it was destiny that they would have faced each other as a sort of enemy: he had known this since the very first time he had seen her, he had always known that there was something in that woman that mirrored him, so it was unavoidable for him to be the one to face her, one day. It just couldn't have gone in any other way.

The woman, instead, seemed surprised for her eyes widened for a moment, but she soon regained her usual composure and in was a matter of a second for her gaze to turn ice-like once again.

Meanwhile Kanda did nothing, but stared at her, trying to find some evident, monstrous difference between her and Angel, but there was none: the big sea-green eyes were exactly the same as Angel's, from the form to the last eyelashes, the little nose, the brown-reddish hair which descended in waves till her knees, the seducing small lips, they were all the same of before, nothing had changed. Nothing, unless the soul which animated them.

For the umpteenth time in his life, Kanda felt as if it all wasn't real, as if everything was just one of those dreams where you're terrified, but from whom you'd like to never wake up because, mixed with fear, there is a odd feeling of beatitude, of finality, that one rarely has in real life, one of those moments when you think you've understood perfectly the reason why of everything around you.

Yes, it was like one of those dreams: as he was staring at Cassandra's face, and her at his, there was a frightening tension between them, and yet there was something comforting in that hostility, something definitive and reassuring.

It was as if they had expected that moment for their whole life, as if the two of them were born and had lived just to wait for that brief instant, not knowing what they'd been longing for until then that they were in front of each other. In that moment Kanda could have actually believed that he had born for this reason only, to see Cassandra staring at him, that he had always been destined to her, but his rationality and his pride immediately fought back the idea: it was just an illusion, it was no dream, it was reality, and they were not two lovers from a fairytale that longed to be reunited, they were not even friends, they were…

Kanda didn't know what they were: enemies? No. Allies, then? Neither.

The swordsman would have wanted that instant to last for another while so that he could figure out what they exactly were, but Cassandra had never been the kind of person who loves silence and reflection, so she quickly destroyed the magic moment:

" So, it is you after all." She declared rudely moving her gaze away from him, " I should have imagined it though…" She added in a bored voice. Kanda felt annoyed and insulted from her behaviour:

" You should have imagined what?" He asked showing no sign of courtesy either.

" When Komui told me that there was an exorcist who had grown very affectionate to that Angel… I should've imagined that it had to be you." She explained, still looking away, her back leaning against the jamb of the door.

" Komui told you this?" Kanda asked feeling the anger raising inside him, " He should learn to refrain from saying stupid things to others."

"Definitively." Cassandra agreed without thinking before looking at Kanda's face again. An awkward silence fell between the two and the swordsman wondered why the Hell she was there if she just had to remain there looking at him in silence.

" So, why did you come here?" He asked using the ruder tone he knew. He didn't want her to stay there because he hated her, he surely hated her, but the mere looking at her face had the power to confuse him and all of a sudden he wasn't sure of how he felt anymore.

Obviously, he got even more confused when she stared at him with those cold eyes of hers.

He couldn't hate her when she was like this, magnificent and thoughtful, staring at him in the eyes.

Kanda tried to hide his confusion under the shield of anger:

" Why are you here?" he repeated through gritted teeth.

" I just wanted to see the man Angel died for." She stated, shrugging with nonchalance.

If she had stabbed him it wouldn't have hurt that much. Kanda closed his eyes shut: he didn't want to see _that_ face telling _those_ things at him, it was unbearable, as if Angel herself was accusing him of her death.

" Komui told you this too?" He asked, his eyes still shut.

" No, I just guessed." She answered with the same hateful indifference, " Now I understand the ridiculous words you told me before…_"Heartless one"_… Such childish, passionate words couldn't come from anyone but a betrayed lover."

" Shut the fuck up!" Kanda raged hitting the wall beside him with the left hand and making the whole room tremble: " I'm not a fucking, betrayed lover, don't speak about things you don't know at all!" There was a mad light in his eyes, the natural result of all the grief and the anger he had tried to suppress until then. He was scary, but Cassandra didn't even blink:

" Do you know what I think? I think it was a waste. You're not worth her sacrifice." She declared with cruel severity, " I mean," she added, "you're quite a beauty, but beside this you're easy to manipulate, rude, the worst when it comes to concealing your emotions… She had much more potential than you, I've to admit it, though I hate her, it was really a waste for her to die at your place and…" she would have continued to remark it with her hateful, indifferent voice, if Kanda hadn't stopped her:

" I've got the point!" he raged through gritted teeth. Cassandra saw that he was shaking evidently, but she didn't care.

" No, I don't think you got it at all." She replied furiously. Kanda finally turned to look at her face and what he saw scared him. That woman really scared him: she was unrecognizable. The sudden anger which had possessed her had altered her whole appearance: her face seemed an unnatural livid mask more than ever, and the aura surrounding her… it was frightening, cold and instable as a mine ready to blow up from a moment to another.

" _So, that's how an angered goddess looks like…"_Kanda thought as he was feeling chills down to his spine.

She was obviously not human, but she had never been that beautiful before.

He had always known it and now it was more evident than ever: she was not human, she was a goddess, and she was far superior to him. He felt useless and weak, subordinated to her as he had never felt in front of another being. During his life he had fought against other exorcists, against akuma, against Noahs, most of the times he had won, sometimes he had lose, but he had never felt inferior to anyone, never but in that moment that he was in front of an angered woman. It was ironical in a way.

" _You were not worth not even an hun__dred part of her."_ She declared and though her voice was low, there was such a threaten, mortal rage in every word she had pronounced that the calm was far worse than if she had shouted.

" _You, selfish, useless, mortal being,"_ she continued, _" you did nothing but hurt her, you used her, you destroyed her, you MONSTER!"_ She shouted at last and her voice was higher and stronger than any human voice. Kanda was obliged to cover his ears, and then an unnatural wind began to blow violently against him. He closed his eyes, but as he was doing so he could notice one, single, tear falling from her eyes.

Then, all of a sudden, the wind increased his violence and he was literally thrown away. His back hit the wall beside him and the wind immediately stopped.

Slowly, Kanda opened his eyes to discover himself alone in his room, seated on the pavement, no trace of Cassandra's presence, the door closed. The swordsman sat on his bed feeling strangely tired and wondering if it hadn't been all a dream.

_PART TWO: MEMORIES_

" _You're weak and slow." Kanda declared looking at the figure of a girl breathing hard, seated on the pavement. _

" _How can you expect me to react? You're giving me not even a second to recover!" She complained, pointing accusatively a finger at him, but the swordsman didn't react__ he just said:_

" _Your enemies won't give you half a second. You _must_ be prepared for that or you won't survive your first fight." He scolded her and the young woman rolled her eyes in response:_

" _I lost the count of all the times you've been saying that, Kanda-chan…"_

" _But it seems you still don't understand it." He replied arrogantly._

" _I'm just tired!"_

" _Tell it to an akuma." w__as the annoyed response. Angel sighed:_

" _That's ok, you're right, I've to train much more, but I can't do this right now, Kanda-chan! We've worked out for two hours already today and I can sense every muscle of my body aching!"_

" _Go__od sign." He declared in response with a mocking smile upon his lips._

" _It's not!" She replied angry, " I can't move a finger right now!"_

_Kanda's smile became even wider at her words: "Are you suggesting that I should carry you till your room?" He could see her face becoming red for the embarrassment and he had to try hard to suppress a chuckle as she babbled:_

" _O-of course not, that's…that's not what I mean, I…" She could never end the sentence for Kanda took her between his arms bride-style and started to carry her out of the training room. _

" _Put me down!" Angel protested, her cheeks flushing, but his quick answer left her no hope: _

" _No way, it's too funny to see your arrogant face embarrassed once in a while."_

" _Liar! I should be the one saying that: it's you the one who is arrogant, you indifferent brat!__ And stop making fun of me. They're all excuses: if you wanted to hold me you could just ask!"_

_At these words Kanda stopped all of a sudden and put her down. Angel smiled evilly._

" _That's not true." The swordsman declared seriously with a strange expression upon his features._

" _If that's so, then, why are you blushing, Kanda-chan?" She scoffed him._

" _I am not blushing!" he denied, suddenly angry, but Angel laughed innocently at his reaction:_

" _You're rude, arrogant, easy to manipulate and a liar," she started, " but I love you the same because Kanda-chan is the one who will always be beside me, won't you?" She grabbed his shirt and hid her face in his chest surprising him. Then she murmured:_

" _That's why I'll always belong to Kanda-chan, no matter what. You can hold me whenever you want, no need for blushing. It feels good to be embraced by Kanda-chan." She said sweetly. The swordsman face had never been that red in his whole life. _

" _Don't say such embarrassing things!" He ordered, but the only reaction he got from her was a curious: "Why?" as her eyes seemed to become even bigger for the surprise. She appeared so cute, so innocent…_

" _Because when you say these things it appears as if we have a relationship…" he tried to explain, blushing at every word which escaped from his mouth._

" _But we do have a relationship, Kanda-chan! Aren't we best friends?" she asked innocently._

"_Yes… I meant another kind of relationship…"_

" _What kind?" She asked curious. Kanda gave up. _

_He refused to explain her what it means to have a love affair. Really, he couldn't tell her what sex was! _

_I mean: can you imagine Kanda explaining such things to a naïve, innocent, girl? Well, maybe you can, but he surely couldn't, so he just gave up:_

" _It's nothing. Just don't say things as _"I love you"_ or _"you can hold me whenever you want"_. It's embarrassing."_

" _Ok, Kanda-chan, I won't say these things in front of other people," she accepted obedient, " but you know that I love Kanda-chan the most, don't you?"_

" _Shhh!" he replied " Don't say it, someon__e may hear you!" he scolded her and looked around searching for someone invisible. _

" _Who? We are in the middle of the night, Kanda-chan, everyone's sleeping, but us." She declared rolling her eyes and the swordsman sighed:_

" _Let's hope so… Now, you've embarrassed me enough for this night, let's go to bed." He ordered. Angel grabbed his arm in response and, as they started walking, she asked:_

" _Would you sleep with me this night?" _

_Errata corrige: it was no question, it was a _plead_, to which Kanda answered immediately with decision: _

" _Absolutely not!"_

" _Uff…" Angel sighed disappointed, " but for me it's easier to catch sleep with you beside me!"_

" _Lucky you. For me is impossible." He replied with bitter sarcasm, his memories going back to a certain night (chapter15)…_

" _How strange…" Angel commented with her usual naivety._

" _Yeah, really, I wonder why…" Kanda concluded with the same dark sarcasm of before. _

_Now they were in front of the door of Angel's room. _

"_Here you are. Goodnight." He said, ready to leave her, but Angel surprised him by kissing his cheek._

" _I love you Kanda-chan" She murmured before vanishing inside her room. The swordsman remained still in front of the closed door for some moment, trying to figure out what had just happened. He brushed the cheek Angel had kissed with a confused expression painted on his face. _

_At last, an annoyed expression found its way on his features: that troublesome girl! Why did she have to say, and do, such things which confound a man's mind? He wondered. Of course the love she had been talking about and the one he had in mind were completely different. _

_At the end Kanda sighed and headed to his room with a strange, stupid, grim upon his lips. _

Three days later he'd have talked with Leverrier and he would have started to ignore her, believing of acting for her good.

Three days later the beginning of the end would have come.

**Author's ****notes—****Crystalline tears**

**Hi, everyone, sorry for the short chapter, but really ****I wasn't in the mood of writing and this part of the story is difficult to manage: too many things happening at the same time. **

**Originally chapter 22, 23, and 24 had been planned to be one, but I found out that it was impossible…^^'' Too many things to say, Cassandra sure is domineering… When she is o****n the stage there is ****only**** her! Sigh… I guess this can't helped, for she's a very important character. People like her are never the walking-by type.**

**In this chapter I put near two scenes referring to the present and past relationship between Kanda and Angel/Cassandra. I wanted to make more evident how different, and how similar, Cassandra and Angel are and how her "friendship" with Kanda is influenced by this fact. **

**Besides this, I have always regretted to have had so little space to reserve to Angel. I'd have liked to write many funny scenes with her and Kanda, but the plot obliged me to neglect those parts and now that I had the opportunity I was happy to write about this mad couple. **

**The second part should have been funny, but I failed, forgive me. It's just that this is not a good period for me and I have some difficulties at writing funny stuff. Honestly, I have problems writing. More honestly, I have problems with everything lately. Unfortunately these are not things I can do much about, so I don't know when I'll be able to solve my problems with "everything". I guess that the only thing I can do is to rise up on my feet and keep on walking, as Allen says ^^ That's the most powerful weapon human kind has: determination, the **_**"courage never to submit or yield and what is else not to be overcome?" **_** as Milton said. Go people, and use your determination in life because sometimes is the only thing you've got, but as long as you have a strong will everything is possible. That's my way!**

**Anyway, again, sorry if this chapter ****was short, I'll try to remedy with the next one! **

**See you in the XXV chapter!**

**Love you all guys, even if you don't review! XP**

**Goodnight…**

**Eris92**


	25. Chapter 25 The red diary

**Hi everyone! Here comes a chapter all dedicated to Lavi****, Bookman and a still unknown member of the Leverrier family… Enjoy it! ^^**

**Soundtrack for this chapter:**

" **Houki Boshi" and "Will of the heart" from Bleach's soundtrack. I found out this manga just two weeks ago and I've already finished the manga…Now I'm trying to watch the anime, but school is killing me… As soon as I end FALLEN GODS I'll probably start something on Bleach…I'd like to, at least. My favourite is Renji, don't you agree, bleach's fan out there? XD**

**DISCLAIMER: Obviously I don't own DGM, if I had I would be drawing some awesome manga instead of writing. But I own Cassandra who's my ideal godmother. We would be great friends if only she was real.**

_**CHAPTER XXV**_**- ****ECHOES FROM A LOST TIME**

_Headquarters of the Black Order, morning, two days after Road's attack…_

"Where is that brainless idiot?" An annoyed voice mumbled through gritted teeth. The owner of the voice was advancing pretty fast towards the nursery, not noticing that everyone in the corridors was staring at him. After all, an eighty years old Chinese man who runs across corridors as if he's possessed can't expect to act so and remain unnoticed.

Still, Bookman didn't care: he just wanted to find his stupid disciple, that idiotic grandson, and take him away from the Headquarters. If what Komui had told him was true, if Lavi's Innocence had really evolved, then he couldn't allow himself to waste time joking around: he had to take his heir away from there.

In the last years the idea that Lavi's Innocence could grow stronger had become a sort of obsession for Bookman, a constant fear he couldn't wipe off. He was afraid that the holy material could actually become stronger that its accommodator and control him, he feared that the Innocence could take Lavi away from him, _his_ Lavi, his _heir_, his grandson, the child he had raised all by himself in order to make him his successor one day.

That's why he had advised the young man: _"If you get the feeling that your Innocence is evolving, tell me immediately. If such a situation occurs we'll have to leave the Black Order."_

Oh, yes, he had warned him, he had told him to watch out, but it had been useless: despite all his efforts, his stupid grandson had noticed nothing, or so he had pretended, and now his Innocence had evolved. It had really evolved! It was a tragedy.

Bookman tried to calm down his nerves, but he didn't succeed at all. He was too scared.

Finally, the infirmary's door appeared in front of him. Bookman advanced, opened the door violently and rushed inside the room. He looked around nervously until he found what he was searching for: sleeping in one of the last beds there was Lavi.

Bookman reached him with what seemed a single pace and in the moment he appeared beside his grandson, the young man opened his eyes all of a sudden, as if he had felt the old man's presence.

Lavi was going to say something as_: " Oih, old Panda, is this the time to come back home? You've lost all the fun!",_ but then the young one noticed the expression painted all over his grandfather's face and the voice died in his throat. There was something deadly wrong with the whole situation.

Without saying a word, Bookman slapped him on his very face, hard, reducing him breathless. Lavi didn't ask the reason why of that punishment: he had understood that his grandfather's reaction had something to do with the evolution of his Innocence. Bookman had put him on guard against it, and yet he hadn't been able to foretell it, he hadn't even really tried to avoid it. Why should he had done it? If its Innocence hadn't spoken to him, if it hadn't evolved, Lavi would have died! He knew that for sure: he would have died.

The young man would have liked to explain this all to the old man who was looking sternly at him, he would have wanted to make him understand, but he didn't even try: it would have been useless. When Bookman decided something, that was, there was nothing that could make him change his mind. He never listened to anyone, he never cared for someone else's opinion, and he surely wasn't going to listen to Lavi's explanations.

The young exorcist knew for sure that if he had tried to say something, Bookman would have just hit him again and ordered him to shut up. He would have gazed at him with that angry, disappointed, scornful look of his and Lavi just wasn't strong enough to bear it. It had always hurt him right at the centre of his soul when his grandfather happened to stare at him in that way and with time the young man had learnt how to avoid that kind of situation, no matter what.

He preferred to be shattered to pieces than to have Bookman looking at him in that way once again, it made him felt useless, unworthy, miserable.

" Get ready immediately." The old man's cold voice pierced Lavi's ears as a blade, "You have one hour to gather your things. We're leaving. Don't dare to tell a soul."

With these words Bookman left the room without glancing at Lavi, not even once, without giving him the chance to reply something. But it didn't matter because, after all, the young exorcist preferred when the old man's gaze was focused on something else, and he wouldn't have had the courage to reply anything anyway, even if he had had the chance to. It was all useless.

Lavi inhaled a big breath: what was he going to do now? Of course he had to obey to the old man's order, but he couldn't tolerate to leave like that, without saying goodbye to anyone, without giving a last look to Lenalee, Allen, Kanda and all the others. Such behaviour sounded as a betrayal to him, but did he had any choice?

Those last years in the Black Order had seemed a dream to him. He, the homeless boy without a real name, nor a conscience, had had the opportunity to taste how it felt like to have a place he belong to, to have friends, people who knows you and with who you can be sincere. Obviously, all this had been a dream for him, just a beautiful dream, and yet it had lasted long enough for him to really hope that it was all true.

And there, there the illusion lied: there was nothing true, in his whole life there had never been anything true. He was doomed to lie for as long as he'd live, chained to the burden of being a Bookman, separated from the rest of the world, condemned to a solitude no-one could comprehend, but his grandfather, the same man that now was ordering him to leave behind him the artificial paradise which the Order had been for him.

It had been so beautiful to divide some of his secrets, as the existence of the akuma, with other people, it had felt so good to be united with these persons by the secret… But there, there his world was shattering.

Lavi slowly rose from the bed and directed towards his room, casting away with a resigned gesture the angry nurse, ready to abandon everything to follow his grandfather.

_Meanwhile…_

_Leverrier's office, Black Order, morning_

Malcom C. Leverrier was pretty annoyed at the moment. He had just received Komui Lee's report about Cassadra's interview and he couldn't say to be pleased with it. First of all, he didn't trust that Cassandra woman, she was far too complicated for his liking, and then he was very disappointed by the Heart.

The Heart: it was the most powerful weapon the Order could gain to destroy the Earl, and yet it was very fragile since the death of just one of the elemental-accommodators would have been enough to make it useless. So disappointing, especially considering that one of them was Allen Walker. If the woman's confession was true he couldn't lay a finger on Walker anymore. Yes, those news were very, very disappointing.

He was still focused on these thoughts when a man entered in his office and bowed in front of his superior.

" Commandant," he excused himself, " It has just arrived a package from your home. There was this note with it. Should I bring it to you?"

Leverrier took the note and read it in a few seconds. It came from the butler and advised him of the discovery of a secret room in the house, hidden by a false wall at the end of the corridor of the third floor. The place had been identified as the bedroom of a woman and, between many objects of no particular interest, there was a diary. This thing had appeared noticeable to the butler who had given instructions not to open it and had sent it to the Commandant, instead.

Leverrier appreciated the wise idea and gave order to his subordinate to give the package to him.

Once the messenger had left, the Commandant opened the _"thing". …_

It was small and, indeed, it was a diary, a very, very old diary. It must have been a century old at least.

A hidden room inside his own house? And inside it they had discovered that thing… Leverrier was curious. He had known nothing about it and yet that house had been built by his family almost one century and a half before. How could it be that there were rooms of which he did ignore the existence?

He opened the diary.

On the first page, with scarlet ink, someone had written the name _" Christine Leverrier"._

" _Mph," _Leverrier thought, _" at least this thing belong to someone of the family."_

He turned the paper.

The second page had been fully written by a clever, ordinate, elegant hand.

The date was:_ March 23, 1743._

"Exactly one century ago." Leverrier thought, struck by the coincidence, and began to read that casket of lost memories:

" _Oh, I'm so happy! Today, for the first time since I was born, I finally felt part of the family. Dad has always been so mean to me, he has never directed not even a glance in my direction for what I can remember, but today… today my dream has become true, today they finally told me what was going on since the August of the passed year._

_It seems that__ an Order of I-do-not-know-what was formed in order to fight a certain Millennium Earl, or something like that, through the power of a miraculous substance called "Innocence" which descends from God himself! _

_Oh, I'm so excited! We are in the middle of an eternal fight between good and evil and me and my family are involved in all this! We'll be the guide of the apostles of God in order to win this holy war! We've been chosen in order to carry this sacred burden, we're special, we must be something similar to saints! The mere idea is so fascinating…_

_But what will be my part in all this? Well, that's exactly what my father explained me today: I'll have an important role in this war as a spy, he told me. As a spy, can you believe me, my good diary? _

_Me? A spy? That's just too exciting! Finally my life will stop being a monotonous, never-ending routine and I'll have my chance to be a heroine. A heroine as those of the gothic novels! _

_But now, since this is going to be a dangerous thing, I'll have to be serious: I know that's no good to write all this in a diary, since it should be secretive the most, but I can't resist to the temptation! If I hadn't written, I'd have faced the chance to say it to someone and this would be worse, wouldn't it? So, I decided to take a diary with me. Here I'll write everything that will happen to me from now on and, you can swear on this, my life is going to be very exciting!_

_Let's start being serious now. _

_Why did my father assign to me such a mission? I'm sorry to say that it's not due to the trust he puts in me, but to an invite that came for me from Road Kamelot's part, the younger daughter of that famous English noble family. I know her from long ago and, though we rarely see each other, we have a strong relationship and we have exchanged letters for years. _

_Now, finally, Road__ has invited me to be her guest for some month at the house of her family, in England. I was so happy that I immediately told this to my father, hoping for his agreement, but at the beginning he refused to send me for apparently no reason at all. It's useless to say that I was very disappointed when he knocked at the door of my room, the same night. I'd cried all the day because of him and now he wanted to talk with me? Yes, I was very disappointed until he said that I could go._

_I couldn't understand the reasons of his suddenly changing of mind until he explained to me all those things about the Earl-of-I-do-not-remember-what and the holy Innocence. Then he added that the Kamelot family, Road's family, was suspected to be an ally of this terrible Earl ( my father describes him as a devil…) and that I could have gone to visit them only if I had swore to him that I'd be his spy, his ears and eyes in the hideout of the enemy. _

_Obviously I accepted. Finally I've the chance to win my father trust after all these years in which he ignored me! Stil, Road is a friend of mine. I should be ashamed of spying her, but I've to confess that I'm not. I'm sure that she and her family are all innocent and thanks to my inquiry their innocence will be proved, all the suspects about them will vanish as mist in the air and they will be grateful to me when they'll know what I've done for them. _

_I can't wait! I'd like to be in England already, and yet I've still three days before leaving…_

_Anxiously yours…_

_Christine Leverrier_

_March 26__th__, 1743_

_Today I'll leave for England! Oh, I'm so excited! Yes, I know that I've already said it, but I can't help but repeat it: I'M SO EXCITED! I'm going to England, can you imagine it? Me going abroad? I just hope my English is good enough (actually, I'm writing this diary in English to practise…)… I don't want to imagine the embarrassment I would feel if I wasn't able to communicate because of my accent! Let's hope that my English will improve during my stay…_

_Oh, good Lord, what am I worrying about? The difficulties of language? I should fear for my life instead, but right now I'm too happy and excited to think about such gloomy things, so happy that my cheerful spirit angered my noble father. __He was very angry indeed: he accused me to be a brainless girl unworthy of the mission he gave me. Actually he threatened me not to cause any problem to our Leverrier family if I hold my life dear. He shouted for I while, but, honestly, I don't care at all about what he told me. He never cared about me, so why should I worry about what he thinks? No, I've swore, during my stay in England I'll only think about my mission and the one thousand ways to enjoy myself there, I won't spare I single thought about him. I definitively won't. I'll carry out my mission and I'll gain his respect. I swear that one day I'll be celebrated as the most intelligent and brave woman of the Leverrier family!_

_Oh, my carriage has arrived. I'd better go._

_See you tomorrow, my diary, I'll tell you everything about my sea-trip. Wish me bon vojage!_

_Christine Leverrier_

_March 2__8__th__, 1743_

_Third day of trip. We've finally reached the sea and this night I'll set sail on the Pearl of the Ocean. It's a pretty ship, very small, elegant, I like it. If I'll succeed in my mission I ask to father to buy a ship similar to the Pearl. I'm in love with it. I'll also ask father to engage the old captain: he's such a sweet man, he told me a lot of exquisite compliments. If he hadn't been that old I could have fallen for him!_

_But now let's forget this thoughts, I want to think only about my shining future. I'll need four days of sea-trip to reach England. I fear that those days will be terribly boring, but fortunately I can cheer me up thinking about the exciting adventures that awaits me in England. It surely s a very interesting country and my role as a spy obviously makes everything even more exciting!_

_As a spy I'll have to hide you, my diary, so I'll write only at late night, when everyone is asleep. Am I not genius? I'll be the perfect spy with my angelic, beautiful face and my incredible wit, you'll see! _

_I'll write again as soon as I can!_

_Christine Leverrier_

_March 30__th__, 1743_

_Fifth day of trip. Soooo boring… Damn ship, it does nothing but roll. I hate it. I'm too bored to even sleep!_

_April 2__nd__, 1743_

_I'm finally in England! I've arrived early, this morning, and I was received by Road and her servants. Now I'm at Kamelot Manor, but don't worry, it's late night and I can write without fearing of being interrupted, so I'll tell you everything I saw today. _

_I know I should sleep but I'm just too excited to lay in bed and do nothing! So, as I said, __the Pearl of the Ocean reached the coast this morning at seven. It was pretty early, but when I descended I found that road was already there, waiting for me with some of her servants. She's such a sweetie! _

_I had seen her just once before though we have exchanged letters for all our life, but I already know that we'll become best friends! She's sweet, caring, talkative, pretty even if not as beautiful as me: the per fect friend for someone who always wants to shine among others as I do. Still, she's different from how I remembered her to be: she seemed more confident, even mischievous sometimes… Though this I like her veeery much. It would surprise me a lot if we won't become best friends. _

_Anyway she immediately took me to Kamelot Manor thinking that I must have been tired (and indeed I was! It's so uncomfortable to travel on ships, you know…) and there we talked all the day about dresses, boys… you know, this sort of things._

_I immediately felt at easy with her, really, I like Road a lot. She showed me part of the Manor, a real palace, and obviously the garden. Oh, they do have such a lovely garden! Roses everywhere of every possible shape and form… If only I could have showed them to my dear mother, she would have loved them!__ Now, my dear diary, you'll be thinking that surrounded by all those wonderful things I've forgotten my mission as a spy. Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I' haven't. It's just that today all the other members of the family were out and I didn't have the chance to meet them. No real bad since Road promised me that tomorrow she'll introduce me to her father and her big sister._

_I just can't wait for tomorrow to come… Still, I'm very tired so I guess that it's time for me to go sleeping. Goodnight, my diary, see you tomorrow…_

_Christine Leverrier_

_April 3__rd__, 1743_

_Oh, I've so many things to tell you! Today has really been a very interesting day._

_First of all, this morning, at breakfast, Road introduced me to her father: Lord Cheryl Kamelot. He makes strange faces sometimes but he really seems a generous, kind-hearted man. He's just a little too concerned about his daughter…It has been pretty embarrassing to hear him call her things as "princess of my heart", "sweet life of mine", ecc…_

_I have to admit that I'm a bit jealous of Road: my father was never sweet to me, he never seemed to acknowledge my existence but when I turned out to be useful to him, while Lord Cheryl spoils Road as if she really was a princess. She's so lucky and yet she doesn't realize it, she pushes him away as if he was a nuisance. She doesn't understand how precious his love is. _

_I told her all this the same morning and guess what? She was moved by my words and she cried! That sweetheart, she really cried and embraced me tightly to comfort me! She told me that I'm like a sister to her and that she and her family are going to give me all the love I never received. Lord Cheryl heard us (how embarrassing!)and he joined her saying that the already thinks of me as a daughter as well. _

_Of course, I know that these are only words, vain words if you want, but would you believe me if I said that they still affected me? Their behaviour, their__ words, were so warm, so gentle and comforting, co caring… They're exactly what I've been needing for during my long years of solitude and, as Lord Cheryl said, I already feel part of this family as I never felt about the real one. _

_Now, tell me, how can you think any evil of people like these? I don't care about what my father thinks, I can't think anything bad about Lord Cheryl and surely Road is too young to be involved in some plot. _

_This afternoon, instead, I met the famous Lady Lulubell everyone speaks about in high society. She's the big sister of Road, but they're nothing alike both in physical aspect and character: Road is not very tall, slim, with black eyes and hair, always cheerful and exited, while Lady Lulubell… Well, she's the most beautiful and elegant woman I've ever seen. She has long, straight, golden hair, gray piercing eyes, a sweet quiet voice and an unearthly smile hat makes you think: "She must be an angel". _

_And indeed she has such a way of speaking and moving that you can't help but doubt that she is a mere human. How can a common woman have such a sweet voice? How can a mere human be so shining, as an angel without her wings? Beautiful, pure, elegant: that's what Lady Lulubell is and her habit to wear only the while colour just makes it all even more evident. _

_When I saw her the first time I became speechless: I was so charmed by her, charmed and crushed by the evidence of my inferiority. My beauty, that everyone has always praised, paled unbearably in front of her, as an immature marguerite in front of a white rose in full bloom. When I seated next to her I felt that I was nothing, insignificant and meaningless, something that had never come to my mind before. _

_Do you know how could I accept it? I decided that she will be my model, my ideal to reach. Her ethereal appearance, that unearthly calm… Inside me I already know that I'll never reach her, but I can at least come as near as possible to h__er perfection. This is my goal._

_The more I know this Kamelot family, the more I'm charmed by its members: they're all so fascinating in their own way…_

_Tomorrow I'll finally meet Road's uncle, Lord Tiky Mikk and I can't wait to see him after having known his brother and his nieces. I should have met him today for he was going to return this evening from his voyage in Spain (he's an ambassador), but it seems that he had some problem with the carriage and that because of this his return has been postponed to tomorrow. _

_There are many other things I'd like to write about Lord Cheryl, lady Lulubell, Road, and their kindness, but now I've to sleep, otherwise I won't be able to meet Lord Cheryl's brother tomorrow!_

_Good night, my good diary…_

_Christine Leverrier _

_Leverrier's office, Headquarters, morning_

Leverrier closed the diary of his ancestor with a muffled sound. He looked thoughtful.

That Christine Leverrier… From the few he had read it was evident that at her time the Order had just been founded as much as it was clear her stupidity. She surely hadn't shined for intelligence, but she could have been an interesting source of information.

Leverrier was curious: curious to read about the origins of the Order, curious to know if that girl had ever found out that the Kamelot family she was so much in love with in reality was nothing more than the Noah family, curious to discover what had happened to Christine Leverrier of so horrible to oblige her family to cancel every track of her existence.

The commandant hid the diary in one of the pockets of his coat and left the office.

_Garden of the Headquarters, night_

" Quickly, Lavi! Don't spare unnecessary time." Bookman ordered sternly, but the young man didn't seem to hear him, for he remained unmoved, his head turned back to give a last look to the mistful shape of the Headquarters. His piercing gaze was focused on the familiar form of the strong walls, of the medieval roof, of the trees in the garden.

" Lavi!" Bookman scolded him once more. The young male silently said goodbye to illuminated place that had been his home in the last years and followed his grandfather on the dark path which awaited them. _A sorrowful heart hidden beneath calm eyes unable to shed tears: _Lavi had never felt the burden of being a bookman so heavy before.

The two men kept on walking in the dark, trying to get as far as possible from he Headquarters while it was still night.

" _I can't believe that we're really running away in this way," _Lavi thought, _" It seems just another nightmare to me…" _

His whole being was rebelling to the thought of disappearing like that, without saying anything to anyone, making everyone worry, but he didn't say it to Bookman. It would have been useless. For his grandfather, to be on the Order's side or the Earl's was the same, just a matter of chance, he wouldn't have understood Lavi's feelings.

Then, an unknown voice echoed in the dark:

" You two, stop! Don't dare to move a step forward!". Lavi and Bookman stopped immediately at these words, but a strange grim appeared on the younger's face. The newcomer came forward followed by five companions: it was a squad of the Crow.

" What are you doing here?" their leader asked.

" We're two exorcist," Bookman explained immediately without losing his composure, "we're leaving for a mission."

" We knew nothing about it. I can't let you pass. Please, return inside." The Crow replied. Bookman protested, but at the end he was forced to give up and him and his grandson returned in their room.

His plan of escaping had failed miserably.

_Bookman and Lavi's room, Headquarters of the Black Order, night…_

" What have you done?" Bookman yelled at his grandson, " What did you tell them? There is no other way the Crow could know about our plan, you _must _have told something to someone!"

Lavi took his time and seated on the cold floor without answering. He stared out of the window at the nocturnal sky and only then the fatidic words came out from his mouth:

" I sent an anonymous letter to Inspector Link and advised him that someone would have tried to enter in the Headquarters."

Silence.

There was no answer whatever from Bookman.

It was never a good sign when his grandfather was silent, it meant that he was angrier beyond any word or insult, so Lavi stiffened in worry even thought he had known perfectly well what he was doing when he had decided to obstacle his grandfather's plans. Now there was nothing left for the younger but to face the consequences. After all that's all life is about: facing the consequences of being born.

Bookman's voice interrupted the freezing silence:

"I thought you had matured, Lavi." He said with that calm, disappointed voice of his which was worst than any punishment, " I thought you were ready to accept your destiny as a bookman as a mature person should do, but it's evident that you're still a child. I thought better of you."

" And I thought you were human."

" That's the stupidest answer you could give me. What's the meaning of "human"? Exorcists are _humans_? Noahs are _humans_? Cruel people as Leverrrier are _humans_? The line which divides humanity from monstrous is very thin, I don't know what can be called human, but I know what a bookman is and I thought to have taught you this."

There was such disdain in his voice that Lavi couldn't bear to look at him in the face, he feared to, but he kept watching out of the window. It was full night, there was nothing to see for the darkness had already covered everything, only a half moon shined in the distance, far away from the obscure Earth. It seemed so magnificent, so full of dignity and beauty, and its vision seemed to give back to the young man the words he had thought to have lost:

" Look at the night," he told to the older man, " it's so hollow, so empty, I can't see anything but shadows. Just the moon reigns there as a beautiful queen, sparkling above the miserable things, but it's so far away, so far away that no man can hope to grab it. Your ideal is like that moon, Panda, we can't reach it. What there is for us out there, in that empty night? Just darkness and the dream of an ideal that we'll never reach. Our place is here, it's too late to pretend to be only impartial witnesses."

" What there is waiting for us out there?" Bookman echoed, "The whole world, Lavi, the whole world, the freedom no-one else would ever be able to bear but us! Have you forgotten the feeling of wandering from a city to another, from a country to another, completely free, no orders, no restrictions? If you don't come away now, you'll find yourself unable to escape from here for the rest of your life! Don't you fear the danger? What's happening to you?"

Lavi didn't answer immediately, he remained silent for a moment, thoughtful, and then he finally spoke:

" What has happened to me…? When I was fighting against the level four, while I was _dying_, my Innocence spoke to me, it really did it, I heard its voice echoing in my head with such an intensity I'll never forget. It asked me if I'd have been ready to follow it, to die for it, and I promised. I promised I would have followed it wherever it wanted if it had saved me in that moment. I wanted to live, Panda, I _still _want to, but I've made my promise. My Innocence saved my life and I swore loyalty to it. I can't turn back now, do you understand? It's not just a matter of having made a promise, it's that since the moment it spoke to me I had no other choice."

The muffled sound of the slap which reached Lavi's cheek was the only answer which came from Bookman at first.

" You swore loyalty?" the old man raged in a low, lethal voice, "What do you mean by _"you swore loyalty"_? Do you still remember the first rule I taught you, or did you bury it with your last name when you started to play the role of an exorcist?"

Lavi remembered it perfectly well, the first rule of Bookmen was branded on his mind and he doubted that it would ever fade away from his memory for even a second, but he decided not to answer, or maybe his voice just didn't come out. His grandfather told it at his place:

" _Never swear loyalty to anything, nor anyone, never put something ahead of the chronicle, never forget that humans are…"_

" _… your worst enemies._" Lavi concluded desolate.

" Yes," Bookman agreed, " do you understand, now, what is the rule referred to? It isn't other people your worst enemy, but the humanity inside you." He explained, hard and stern as steel.

" I understand." Lavi said, but his voice was still desolate, his face still contorted by a sorrow that couldn't be comforted. Suddenly, the old man seemed to be moved by that grief for he put a hand of Lavi's head and with a sweeter voice he said:

" It's the burden that every Bookman must face, Lavi."

" I know." He confirmed, " But I can't do it, I can't follow you on your path: I've promised and the worst part is that I don't regret it." Lavi looked up to his grandfather and now it was Bookman's turn to say:

" I know, that's why I can't allow you to follow me. This is your place, Lavi," he conceded, " but it's not mine. I can't remain here."

" You'll go away?" the young man cried out in surprise.

" I have to." Bookman explained gently, "This is not my world; I can't even breathe in this kind of universe."

Lavi nodded in understanding. He understood perfectly his grandfather's yearning for freedom and silence, for peace, but he couldn't help but feel an unbearable sadness at the idea that the two of them would have been separated. Bookman had been all his family, his whole world, until that moment.

" Don't make that face, idiotic grandson, you've chosen your destiny, I choose mine, there is nothing to be sad about. Follow your path till the very end. Never look behind. Never do things that you know you'll regret someday. Be happy, live long, choose a good woman and have a lot of children. Those are my last orders to you."

With these words, Bookman left the room leaving behind a very confused Lavi.

**Author's notes - **_**Will of the heart**_

**So, how was it? Please review! **

**Yes, all those authors notes are dedicated to one single message: REVIEW! **

**Really, I'd like to know how many people do read this fic… so please, review! It's a small request isn't it? **

**Of course you'd make me very happy if you told me your opinion about this chapter, but I'd be satisfied by a simple: "I read it". Since no-one review I started to think that maybe no-one reads this story and the idea made me soooo sad… **

**A review is very important for an author, so…**

**Now, about the chapter. How was Christine's diary? This is just the beginning, there will be a part of her diary I every chapter from now on, an interesting look on the origins of the Order, and her memories will explain many things about the past… I like her for she's a very stupid girl, one of those teenagers who thinks to be already adult when they're sixteen and thinks only about men. After Cassandra and Sara, I needed a stupid character to write about, though her experience at the Kamelot's manor will change her and made her a real woman with time. **

**And what about Lavi and Bookman? My fear is to have developed this scene to quickly… be kind, please, and review, absolutely!**

**Goodnight to you all…**

**Eris92**

**Rome, 10.04.10**


	26. Chapter 26 Strange meetings,weird memori

**Hi, people, here there is the 26****th**** chapter! This fic is going far, isn't it? XD **

**I can finally show Sokaro and Cassandra together and then, trough Christine's memories, we'll see Tiky again. I'm particularly happy of this since I love Tiky dearly but I never got the chance to show him, so here we have our gorgeous Noah how he was one century before the events of DGM! **

**Soundtrack for this chapter are:**

"**Will of the heart" from Bleach's soundtrack for the part with Lavi and Bookman and…**

**Almost all the songs of Within Temptation. I always think about these songs when I write about Cassandra, in particular I use to listen to " Aquarius", "Stand my ground" and "Ice queen", These three songs represent perfectly her nature I think and Aquarius always makes me think about her relationship with her Innocence….**

**Anyway, here comes the chapter!**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't know DGM, but I own the whimsical Cassandra and Christine. I love Christine's stupidity.**

_**CHAPTER XXVI**_**- ****STRANGE MEETINGS, WEIRD MEMORIES.**

_Headquarters of the Black Order, 4 a.m._

" It is necessary, isn't it?" Lavi asked.

" Yes, it is." Bookman replied with determination, " Try to understand, Lavi, I can't remain here. I never felt myself to be an exorcist, so I thought that the two of us wouldn't have been in danger if we joined the Order temporarily, but what happened to you has obliged me to face reality: I can't be an exorcist and Bookman at the same time and if I have to choose… well, I decide to remain loyal to my real nature."

Lavi nodded: " I understand. You know, Panda, I too never felt myself to be a bookmen. I thought I did, I firmly believed that it was my destiny, but then… then I realized that it wasn't true." At these words, the old man stared back at him thoughtful:

" You've never been the kind of man a bookmen should be, I knew it, but you were my grandson and I thought I could force you to become one. It seems that I was wrong, after all, a mere man can't change someone's destiny." He stated bitterly.

" I don't think so. I don't know that it was _destiny_ which brought me on this path. I thought it was more my character. If I was a different kind of person, I'd have refused the Innocence's help and I would have died as a bookman, but I'm not like this, I want to live more than anything else, so I chose this way. It's no destiny, it's character."

" You may say so…" The old man sighed in response, "but then wasn't your character chosen by destiny, Lavi? Couldn't it be that you were born like that because you had to follow this way? You don't want to believe in destiny and I can understand this, but sadly I do. And I trust Hevlaska's prophecies: follow that Allen Walker. There is something in him that makes me believe that he'll really be the one to destroy the Earl!" Lavi chuckled at these words:

" I would have done so anyway because Allen is a friend of mine. And, after all, being us all parts of the Heart, if we destroy the Earl, we'll do it together: me, Allen, Lenalee and that… that woman."

" Yes, that woman… Don't trust her, Lavi, there is something creepy in her. Even thought she is a chosen one as you are, her powers are infinitively stronger: try to find out why."

" I will." Lavi confirmed as if he was doing some terrible promise, and then a strange silence fell between them. Bookman observed his grand some with particular attention:

" Don't make that face, idiot, it's not as we won't ever see each other again! Life is long, we'll meet again, one day, when all this will be over." He said, trying to comfort his grandson, but it wasn't for this that Lavi felt terrible and at these words the young one exploded:

" I'm sorry, I'm really sorry to have deluded you, I'm sorry to have proved myself to be useless, I'm sorry to leave you alone, I absolutely didn't want to leave you alone, that's one of the reasons why I accepted the Innocence's help, and now for this, you have to leave. I'm sorry!" Bookman arched his inexistent eyebrows:

" You're sorry of what? Of being alive? Then you're even stupider than I thought… Really, you'd have been a horrible bookman." The old man smirked and Lavi stared at him in disbelief before starting laughing.

" Bye, then, old man!" the young exclaimed with fake cheerfulness.

" Bye, Lavi. That's your real name, from now on." Bookman replied with calm and literally disappeared before the other could reply anything.

The young exorcist remained in the garden for some long moments, reflecting on his grandfather words and wondering if he had done the right choice, but he didn't heard Bookman whispering him goodbye, he didn't suspect that the old man hadn't any intention of seeing him ever again.

_The following day, somewhere in France…_

Cassandra was following his general on the dark alleys of an unknown city. I say "dark" because it was night: Sokaro seemed to like far too much to sleep during the day and travel on night. She had asked him the reason why of that strange behaviour, but the only answer she had received was:

" Because I like so. Now shut up and walk."

After this the woman had ceased trying to establish a conversation of any kind with the rude general: if he wanted to talk with her, well, now it was his turn to speak first. To tell the truth, Cassandra was rather annoyed by the man's indifference, she wasn't used to that reaction, but a part of her still found it curious and interesting.

She was used to see men falling for her and she loved it (though they're so boring!), so that she was naturally attracted by this unknown general who kept his face hidden day and night. She wondered what kind of features there could be under that mask and she couldn't put that kind of thoughts aside, she couldn't help but dream about surprising him in his sleep and take that horrible mask off. She dreamed, but she didn't dare to.

That's how three days had passed, she and Sokaro alone, wandering across the world, without saying a single word to each other. Really, it was incredibly boring, and she was curious. So, being the selfish, childish bastard she was, she decided to take action.

"_Innocence?"_ She whispered mentally

" _What do you want now, my dear?" _the holy spirit answered, _"I hope that you're going to ask me something intelligent today because last time…"_

" _Take here two level four, please."_Cassandra interrupted it_._

"_What?" _the Innocence shouted in her mind_, " Are you mad? You wish so much to die that you want me to kill you?"_

" _Shut up!" _the woman answered slightly annoyed,_ "I don't wish to die nor am I mad. I just want you to take here two level four and make them attack the General so to take off that stupid mask of his…"_

" _Wait, wait," _the Innocence stopped her,_ "are you saying that you want two level four to attack you just to satisfy your curiosity?"_

" _Exactly, my dear love." _Cassandra answered with such sweetness to be disgusting.

" _Don't try to calm me down with such sentences, Cassandra, they don't suit you at all." _The Innocence protested.

" _Nor does all this severity suit you as well. Come on, make me happy!" _the woman replied in a strange mode, an half-way between a plea and an order.

" _But this is so stupid… Can't you just ask him to show you his face?"_

" _Are you going to help me or not?" _Cassandra replied angrily.

" _Uff…" _The Innocence sighed,_ " If you really wish so…"_

" _Thank you my soul!" _the woman said mentally, excited.

The Innocence didn't reply, but Cassandra would have sworn to have heard it sigh once again before turning completely silent. The woman smiled widely. Now she would have finally seen what kind of face that General Sokaro had.

Since he was walking in front of her, she could keep on staring at him and wondering without fear of being discovered. He had a tall and muscular body so, probably, his face had strong features as well, maybe elegant and beauty. Could it be that he kept his face hidden because he was too beautiful? No, she said to herself, this kind of things may happen only in books or manga ( Author: then, exactly, what do you think this is, Cassandra?). It was far more probable that he hid his face because it was monstrous, maybe grotesque, deformed, as the hero of a novel she had read some time before, a genius banned from society because of his appearance, obliged to wear that mask!

"_Yes," _the woman thought with enthusiasm,_ "it's certainly like this! It would explain his asociality also!"_

She had just decided that general Sokaro _had _to be a deformed genius, a sort of phantom of the Opera, when the two level four she had summoned appeared. Obviously controlled by her Innocence, the two monsters completely ignored her and flied directly against Sokaro. He didn't seem to be displeased anyway:

" Stand back and hide somewhere, woman!" he ordered with arrogance, " Just don't be a burden while I fight these two."

Cassandra arched her eyebrows in annoyance and remained unmoved watching him fight. He didn't seem worried at all, instead, she heard him laugh as a little boy at the Luna park. He was actually _enjoying _the fight. Cassandra sighed as he observed him: he was handling well the first akuma, but the second always caught him by surprise succeeding in hurting him. _Madness_, as he called his Innocence, didn't seem able to withstand two akuma of that level together. In a few words: he was loosing.

" _And a weakling like this should be my master? I wonder what __he can teach me…" _The woman thought arrogantly.

As I said, the General was loosing, but he didn't seem worried of it, he was still laughing happily in such a way that it sent chills down to Cassandra's spine. "_He is loosing and yet he is still laughing: so scary…"_ she thought shuddering for a moment.

Then the worst happened: one akuma immobilized the General while the other aimed at his head. Cassandra stiffened. Now she had two options: to let the akuma fire or not. The former choice would have provoked the General death, but it would have surely broken his mask, the latter meant that her plan of discovering his real identity would have failed. A normal person wouldn't even think about it, but Cassandra wasn't a normal person so she took her time to decide. At last she sighed, disappointed, and destroyed the akuma in more or less two seconds.

"_So boring…"_ she thought, coming near Sokaro. "Please, General, stand back and hide somewhere," she mocked him, " Just don't be a burden while _I _ fight these two." She declared arrogantly, a conceited smile upon her lips. She would have done anything to see his expression, but that damned mask hid his features so that she could just feel that he was staring at her, seated on the ground, before he started laughing like crazy.

" No bad, woman," he said, " no bad at all!" He said and Cassandra noted for the first time that his deep and hoarse voice could be warm and pleasant sometimes. She smirked back:

" My name is Cassandra, not _"woman"_, try to remember it."

" I'll remember it if you'll beat the shit out of the next akuma we'll meet." He challenged her.

"Fine by me." Her satisfied expression showed clearly that she didn't doubt at all that she was going to win and Sokaro laughed again.

" That's right," he said, " It's getting dark. We'll sleep here this night. Put down your bag and help me lighting the fire." She obeyed without a word and ten minutes later they were already sitting in front of the fire. It was a quiet night, there was nothing to be heard but the cries of the crickets in the abandoned country where they were. In their last day of their trip they hadn't met anything nor anyone, it seemed to Cassandra that they were wandering in a desert and it sure was strange. It was a beautiful country the one around them, the clime was perfect for agriculture, so why hadn't they met not even a farm worker?

" Tell me, General, why are we here?" Cassandra asked once he had finished eating.

" Why? I don't exactly know." He confessed, " Komui's orders were to reach this countryside and search for a squad of finders which disappeared three weeks ago."

" But there is nothing here! Why should have they come in this place to begin with?"

" Exactly because there is nothing here." He replied sibylline. Cassandra was annoyed:

" Would you mind to explain yourself?"

" There is nothing to explain. This zone was very populated once and then, all of a sudden, people began to disappear and the survivors left saying that _strange things do happen here_. That's why finders came there to investigate, but they disappeared as well. That's why we're here. I didn't like the idea of bringing you here at first, I hated the fact that I'd have to protect you, but now I guess that my fears were unjustified." He declared, but his voice was so indifferent, so calm, almost bored that Cassandra felt the urge to ask:

" Was that a compliment or not, General?"

" It's a matter of fact," he replied, " do not expect compliments from me for you'll never have. If you're weak, I'll abandon you to your destiny, if you're strong I'll make you become stronger. That's all there is between you and me." He stated with indifference, stretching his muscles. Cassandra smiled widely:

" I'm fine with it more than you can imagine, General."

"Better like this…" he replied with the same indifference of before and began to mess about his mask. Cassandra stiffened in excitement: was he going to take that stupid thing off, finally? He was, for he undid the ties and quickly got free of that object. When he finally showed his face Cassandra's eyes widened and…

And then they quickly returned to normal while a depressed expression was spreading across her face. His face was just…a normal face. The mask didn't hide the deformed features of a genius, nor the gorgeous ones of the hero of a novel. So deluding... Noticing her depressed face, Sokaro asked her of there was something wrong, but what could she reply? "Nothing, it's nothing", was actually the only reasonable answer she could give.

Time passed without them saying, nor doing, anything (since they're both the asocial type…) but then, just when Cassandra had thought that it was time to go sleeping, Sokaro destroyed all her plans of a peaceful nap:

" Wake up, woman, it's your time."

" What?" she asked surprised

" I mean that an akuma is directed here. I want to see how you can handle it. In other words it means that you've to fight it without using Innocence."

" Are you mad?" she shouted angrily in response, " What am I supposed to do without Innocence?". Sokaro stared back at her as if she was an idiot:

" If you're a real exorcist," he said, "you're supposed to be able to fight akuma even without your Innocence. Of course, you can't be expected to destroy it with bare hands, but you should be able to keep the monster back for sometime at least. Now, prove me that you're a real exorcist and I may even end up remembering your stupidly long name." He declared severely, completely indifferent to the danger she was going to be in.

Cassandra hesitated for a moment. She had never fought anything without Innocence and her power was not the type which requires physical strength. In short: she had no idea of how to fight something, anything, without using her Innocence.

" He_ may end up remembering my name, but _I_'ll surely end up dying!"_ She thought hysterically as she simply nodded at Sokaro. It was a folly, but she wasn't going to renounce and look as a coward, she definitively wasn't going to. Yet, it was a matter of fact that she couldn't possibly fight an akuma with bare hands.

She was still caught in this kind of thoughts when the enemy finally appeared. It was a simple level two which resembled a grasshopper, the metallic green of its body shined under the pale light of the moon in a threatening way. Cassandra shuddered instinctively: what the Hell was she supposed to do now? She wondered as the monster was observing her, flying around her.

The woman felt her hands tremble as they always did whenever she met an akuma or a Noah, she felt the pressure of the blood inside her veins rising while the tension stiffened all her muscles. All this was normal, just normal, it happened every time and it was natural for no sane person would remain emotionless while risking his/her life, but there was something different now and it was this which worried her.

This time she couldn't have the certainty of winning, this time she hadn't her Innocence defending her, she was alone, more alone than she had ever been during her lonely years of wandering across the world. This time she had no antidote against the fear.

Completely alone.

These words were still echoing in her mind when the akuma made its move and attacked her. Cassandra remained unmoved, not knowing what to do, she was certain to die, but then, just when the akuma's claws were a few centimetres from her, her body reacted on its own will. She avoided the monster; she turned and kicked it away. Then she paused, surprised by herself. What had she done? She didn't know how or why she had moved, she had just acted, without thinking. Still, as she was moving, a series of different images had filled in her mind, but they were out of focus, she couldn't understand what they were.

Again, the akuma attacked her, again she felt the fear peculiar of those who are helpless, but just when the worst seemed unavoidable that strange calm and the images had filled her mind once again and her body rejected the akuma on instinct, as she had done before. Now the images had been a little clearer: she had seen a face and though she hadn't been able to focus the features on it, she had noticed that the unknown person had long black hair.

Becoming more confident at every hit, Cassandra kept on fighting following that instinct and every time the images became clearer. She could see a dark room with white walls, a sword of wood, and then her mind showed her a particular fragment of memory where she herself was fighting against the man of before, the man with long black hair and a deep voice. She heard his voice, she saw him fighting, she guessed that he had to be someone very dear to her, but she couldn't see his face, she couldn't stare at him in the eyes and recognize him. It was so frustrating.

She hit the akuma once again as in trance, then she felt two strong hands on her shoulders and she turned in alarm. It was Sokaro, and his face, his voice, ended the dream.

" That's enough, Cassandra." He said before literally disappearing. A second later the akuma had already been destroyed and he was replacing Madness. Cassandra stared back at him as if she was still lost in some kind of dream.

" I said that's enough," Sokaro repeated, " make that stupid expression disappear from your face right now, Cassandra."

" You're calling me by my name now. Have I got through the exam?" She asked, still half-dreaming. The general observed her in a strange way before confirming: " Yes, you have."

" Good." Was the only answer she was capable of. The images she had seen, the voice she had heard, everything that she had experienced in the last twenty minutes had made such an impression on her that it would be hard to describe with mere words. Especially the man she had seen, all the images were about him, he was the origin of everything that had happened that night and he was important, she knew this, he was very important to her. She just didn't have any idea of who he could be.

But she wanted to see him again, she wanted to find out who he was, she needed to, and for the sake of this she was ready to fight akuma with bare hands for the rest of her life.

…_From the diary of Christine Leverrier…_

_5 April, 17__43 _

_This afternoon I met Road's uncle: Lord Tiky Mikk. Have I to confess it? I thought him to be a kind man about forty as Lord Cheryl, his brother, is, but I was completely wrong. _

_His carriage came at the manor at four and I and Road went to greet him. I must say that I was very curious and ready to admire him as I already do with Lord Cheryl and Lady Lulubell, but he didn't meet my expectations at all. _

_The man who descended from the carriage was young, twenty-two exactly, arrogant and… and terribly handsome. I'd lie if I said that I didn't remain breathless in front of his gorgeous features, and the smile he gave me! Seducing, conceited, self-confident and irresistible. I thought I was going to faint. _

_Still, I don't want to make you think that I'm love with him. Of course I was attracted by his look, but I don't like him at all. I almost despise him, truly. You'll be wondering why, since he's so handsome. It's not that he's not polite, he was courteous the most with me, it's just that his mysterious behaviour gives me a creepy feeling. When he looks at me he seems a predator staring at his prey, I feel in danger when I'm near to him, every sentence of his seems to have a double, obscure, meaning. It's absurd, but even words as "Goodnight" seem a threat when they come from his perfect lips. _

_I fear him, I don't like him at all, but I can't help but be charmed by this strange man. It's the middle of the night now, at least two hours have passed since I left him in the dining room, and yet I can't escape the feeling that he's still staring at me with that piercing, golden eyes of his. I never saw eyes like them before, if a close _my_ eyes I can still see them in front of me, half-opened in an intelligent and voluptuous expression. I feel like I'm his prisoner. I've just met him and I already know the gorgeous features of his face as my own, I already know by heart his languid movements, his slender silhouette, the line of his shoulders, of his back, all these particulars are branded on my memory and I can't escape from them. Oh, God, I feel like I'm a stalker! _

_I carefully avoided looking at him whenever possible and yet, you see, it was useless, I fell under his spell. And the worst part is that he knows I'm attracted by him, he knows, it's clear, the self-confident, seducing expression he has when our eyes meet tells me this! _

_What a horrible man… I hate him! I don't want to se him ever again! He looks at me as if I'm a puppet in his hands, I hate it! I hate HIM! I don't want to meet him ever again… He's nothing like Lord Cheryl, I can't believe that those two are brothers. Lord Cheryl is a real gentleman, perfectly polite, reassuring, elegant, while Lord Tiky Mikk… Only writing his name gives me chills down to my spine. He's a predator, that's the best world to describe him, a feline with piercing golden eyes, dark skin, and lips which tempts you all the time. He radiates seduction. _

_But now I've to stop, I don't want to think about his haunting presence anymore or I won't be able to sleep at all this night (Though I seriously doubt I will anyway…)._

_Time to go to bed, my dear diary… I'll tell you more tomorrow night._

_Confusingly __Yours…_

_Christine Leverrier_

_April 6__th__, 1743_

_What a day! I can't believe that I survived… and whose fault do you think it is if my day was terrible? Of course it was Lord Tiky Mikk's fault! That womanizer! I know that words as such shouldn't come out from a lady's mouth, but he's so annoying that I'm going mad!_

_I must confess that the day itself started in a bad way: I was very sleepy because I hardly slept last night and in the few hours of rest I got I did nothing but dream about golden eyes… Anyway, I descended for breakfast and found all the family already seated. I excused myself for being late and "he" suddenly started to say something about how beautiful ladies use to make men wait. I smiled graciously at his insinuations though I wasn't sure that they were compliments and ate in silence until the always kind Lord Cheryl asked me about my family and the lifestyle I had in France. He did quite save me interrupting the awkward silence which had fallen in the room! _

_Then Road and I left and I must confess that I felt relieved to have the chance to get away from Lord Tiky Mikk. His simple presence confuses me. Anyway, as I said, we left and Road took me shopping in the most famous ateliers of London. Lady Lulubell accompanied us and we had a very pleasant morning with her. She has a wonderful taste and she gave us some precious advice for our dresses. I gave orders for a wonderful blue dress which I can't wait to see finished. I want to wear it the soonest! Road promised me to give a ball within a month, so I guess I'll wear it in that occasion…_

_The problems started in the afternoon. Road had piano lesson and I planned to remain and watch her though it would have been very boring for me (I play since I was four and I don't have any need for lessons anymore, I can play everything), but my program was blown up by the annoying Lord Tiky. He came in the way saying that I would have been surely bored by attending at Road's lessons and that it would have been a crime if I was to remain home when I still had all London to discover. So he offered himself to make me visit the city._

_Obviously I refused (__as if I could accept such an offer coming from a man towards whom I feel terribly attracted and scared at the same time), but he insisted. I said that he surely had more important things to do (an important man as him!), I __plead__ him that it was not necessary for him to torture himself in such a way to make me happy (notice the irony…), but there was no way to dissuade him. The bastard. At the end he came to plead me and Lord Cheryl joined his insistence, so I HAD to accept. _

_And we left. Together. Just Lord Tiky and me. Alone. I was going to faint all the time. I'm not joking, that man is a danger for every woman, he's just too handsome and sexy for his own good! I almost died when he took my arm, I felt so hot that I was going to strip in the middle on London's streets. I swear, I'm not exaggerating, it's just the way he is: overwhelming. _

_I have always been a talkative, impudent girl and yet beside him I babbled all the time, almost unable to arrange a correct sentence. And while I was babbling and flushing he was there, staring at me with those piercing eyes, a seducing, amused smile painted on his lips. How have I hated him! He was actually enjoying my embarrassment, I know! _

_Every woman who passed by looked at me with jealousy and hatred, I clearly felt it, and normally I would enjoy beyond reason such a feeling, egocentric as I am, but today I was scared, confused, frightened. So unlike me… but that's a clear example of how Lord Tiky destabilize me. I don't even remember anything of what we saw today, the only thing I could see were his face, his eyes, the movement of his lips while he was talking… Oh, I continuously had to refrain from kissing him! And I know him only since yesterday. _

_Terrible, terrible, it's terrible, that man is terrible! It's not that he did something wrong, he acted as a perfect gentleman, it's just the strange intensity surrounding him, his deep voice, you can't help but be seduced by every word he says, by every expression on his face, by his languid movements. I never met someone as him before. _

_He's stunning. He says: "Are you feeling well, Miss?" and the tune of his voice is the same he'd have if he was saying:" I love you, darling". Do you understand what I mean when I say he's irresistible? _

_Still, I told myself to keep control and slowly, very slowly, I started to grow accustomed to his presence. For the end of the day I could almost have a normal conversation with him which is more than I could dream to obtain in just a day. We talked about Road (I discovered interesting things about her from him...hehe), about his diplomatic career, about London and the differences between England and France. He's been in France many times and I have to admit that his knowledge of French is optimal. _

_It was such a relief to hear my language now that I'm so far away from home that for a moment I was able to forget the thrills his voice usually gives me. I even started to think that maybe, just maybe, we could just become friends. Speaking with him I've found out that he isn't just handsome, he is funny and intelligent too, so I started to like his company, but I forgot: friendship between men and women can't exist, especially if the man we're speaking about is that gorgeous (The author does not agree with this though, but anyway…). And, infact, I had just started to feel at ease when he suddenly went dangerously near me and asked: _

" _So, do you like London?" An innocent question, if it wasn't that his voice was seductive the most and his face so near to mine that I could hear his breath on my cheek. His perfume, so masculine, made my mind numb and I barely found the control to answer with a weak: "Yes.". Thanks God that we were in the carriage in that moment and nobody saw us…_

_Anyway, at my answer Lord Tyki finally moved away and returned to his seat. Relieved, I managed to add:_

" _It's an interesting city. It's a real pity that it's often cloudy in this region."_

" _Often? Did you mean "always" perhaps?" he joked and we laughed at the same time. _

_Still, the atmosphere wasn't relaxed anymore. That strange intensity had returned. In spite of this, we kept on pretending that nothing had happened till we reached Kamelot Manor. Once we reunited with the rest of the family he kissed my hand gallantly and left me with one of his seductive smiles, without saying a single word. I must have made a strange face because Lord Cheryl said something about the strange effect Lord Tiky has on women. _

_I didn't see him at dinner and I have to admit that I missed him. I fear that I was wrong when I said that I've become accustomed to his presence: I've become addicted to him, which is different. _

_Oh, do you hear me, my diary? I've known him for two days and I already spoke as a romantic heroine! Next time I'll be complaining because he's far away and I'll swear that I can't live without him! Pathetic. _

_It's all his fault, I hate him! I hate him, I hate him, I hate him! He's joking with me, I know! Still, I miss him and it's been only three hours that I don't see him! _

_I'm so angry at myself. But I'm even angrier at him. Next time I see him I won't let him confuse me!_

_Christine Leverrier_

_April 7__th__, 1743_

_That bastard of Lord Tiky! He's gone! He's left for work and said nothing to me! Not that we have such a relationship that asks for him to tell me such things, but…_

_After yesterday I had expected to meet him today, during the night I had planned one thousand things I could do to defeat his influence on him, but when I woke up this morning a I found a note on my bedside table. It said:_

" I would have been honoured to spend another day with you, Miss Leverrier,

but work calls me away. I hope to find you still here when I return.

Tiky"

_What a message is that? And what's that signature "Tiky"? We barely know each other and you send me a message of the kind? That womanizer…_

_But where has he gone? When will he return? I wonder. _

_As you may easily imagined, such a message ruined my whole day, still I tried to be as cheerful as possible during the time I spent with Road even though his absence haunted me as a phantom. What the Hell is he? _

_Anyway, since "Tiky" wasn't there, I thought about concentrating on my mission. I asked something to Road about his family and their relationship in society, but I didn't found anything strange in her superficial answers. We passed a good day together, me and Road, we went riding all the day, but not even the horses could make me forget completely that _he_ wasn't there. Damn him. _

_**Author's notes-**_** Stupid romance**

**So? It seems that Christine has gotten in a few troubles because of Tiky XD That seducing bastard… I'm going to have so much fun with those two! Please, review and tell me what you think of them.**

**Second point: Cassandra and Sokaro. They're another funny couple to write about, but there won't be space for a romance between them, both because Sokaro is completely insensible to women and because she's too taken by the mystery of her visions. Well, it's obvious who the man she's seen is, but she hasn't recognized him yet and it will be funny to see what face she'll make when she'll find out… ^^'**

**Third point: Bookman and Lavi. I said that Bookman wasn't going to see Lavi ever again, but these are only his intentions, not what will really happen, don't worry! The problem is that there are far too many characters in DGM and it's very difficult to handle them all at the same time, some of them will be left behind, there is no other way, and Bookman is one of those who'll disappear for a while. **

**Other characters that I haven't showed in a while are Cross and Maria and the third exorcists. For Cross and Maria you'll have to wait a lot, I fear, but I've planned a great return that will shock everyone, while the third exorcists will appear soon. I'm sorry that Marie, Miranda and Timothy actually don't exist in this fic, but I don't know what their role would be, so I prefer not to show them than to mix them in the story uselessly and ruin their characters. **

**Uff, sure this fic is difficult to carry on, I swear… **

**But it makes me so happy to imagine it and to see that writing in English becomes always easier for me…that it pays back every fatigue. Still, what makes me happy the most are reviews, when there are reviews… **

**Please leave a comment!**

**Goodnight…**

**Eris92**


	27. Chapter 27 Accepting reality

**Hello people! Here I am with chapter XXVII! Some****how I'm keeping on writing even if the last days of school nearly killed me and theatre occupies so many of my days and my piano teacher always scolds me…Uff… At least my English votes have improved thanks to this fic…**

**Still, since no-one cares about my private life, let's stop with my ramblings and go with the fic! (It's just that I love having my personal little space to write on as mangaka have…^^'')**

**Soundtrack for this chapter: Nothing, because I don't remember the title of the song… sorry**

**DISCLAIMER: I give up, I don't own DGM (though I would like to own Kanda or Cross XD), but that frightening witch of Cassandra is my exclusive property! XP**

_**CHAPTER XXVII- **_**ACCEPTING REALITY**

_Somewhere far away from every city, morning_

"Come on guys! You sure are slow, you know?" Lavi turned back and made fun of his companions who were running up the hill after him.

" Please Lavi," Miranda pleaded, breathing hard for the effort, " no-one is running after us."

" She's right," Marie agreed, " we are here to enjoy a normal day as normal humans after all."

" You guys are so boring…" Kanda commented

" Go on, Kanda, put down the annoyed mask and smile sometimes, it won't kill you, I assure you!"

" Shut up, moyashi."

" Who did you call moyashi, straight fringe?"

" You're dead, shortie!" the _"straight fringe" _ answered and the umpteenth battle of the day began. Lenalee observed the two fighting and sighed with resignation. It should have been their first day off together since a very long time and she had hoped it to be peaceful and relaxing, yet she should have know that it was impossible as long as Allen and Kanda were in the same country. The Chinese girl finally decided to ignore the two young exorcists and reached the top of the hill with the rest of the group.

It was a wonderful spring day, the warm sun reigned above their heads making everything shine. It seemed a fairytale setting and they were there, finally enjoying a day without akuma, Noahs, Innocence, gods or devils. A normal day, just normal, banal, as those of common people, that's all they wanted: some moment to spend together deceiving themselves dreaming to be some powerless human as those they normally protected. Was it so much to ask for? Lenalee wondered observing the panorama from the top of the hill.

She could hear Lavi's voice laughing at her back as Miranda babbled some excuse for having inciampata and fallen against him. Lenalee looked down at Allen and Kanda and smiled: Allen's right arm was hidden by the coat and for once their group really seemed a company of normal people. It was so comforting that she was tempted to cry, but she resisted: she wasn't going to ruin such a beautiful moment with her show of weakness.

Her gaze stopped on the slim figure of Allen sitting in the grass next to Kanda (they had finally stopped arguing). Seeing him and running at his side was one thing. She was happy that everyone had come, but that wasn't what she had meant when she had told Allen that she wanted _"to spend a day together"._ With together she meant she and Allen, but it seemed that the boy hadn't get it, as always. Allen never got her hints, he had never recognized all the one thousand special attentions she had directed towards him, he had never understood that she was head over heels for him. Literally.

Allen was just Allen, so brave, so passionate, and yet so trustworthy, always caring towards everyone, so generous even with his enemies. He was as a fairytale prince should be according to Lenalee's imagination, but that arm… it didn't fit in the picture. No prince has parasitic Innocence, no prince has a cursed eye. Lenalee hated those particulars that distinguished him as an exorcist because they reminded her of their dark bloody destiny, something that she would have given everything to forget. She dreamed a world as that hill, without monsters nor curses, where she and Allen were normal persons with a normal life among normal friends. No Innocence, no akuma, no Noahs: she had had enough of monsters.

That's why she had organized that little trip: just one day, but it had to be a normal, boring day and everyone had been forbidden to take their Innocence along. Obviously, Kanda had refused to obey, but at least he had agreed to hide Mugen from Lenalee's eyes and that was enough for her. She didn't want to see abnormalities, but she was alright if they existed. That was how Lenalee's mind worked and that was why Angel had always despised her.

The Chinese girl came near Allen and seated at his side. The teen smiled back at her:

" Are you satisfied? Is this journey as you'd dreamed it to be?" he asked caring.

" It is," she lied, " it feels so good to know that for one day there won't be akuma around, isn't it?" the boy remained silent.

" Allen?" she called him.

" What?"

" I asked you if it's not good that for one day there won't be anything monstrous around." She repeated.

" I heard you, Lenalee, I'm sorry for not answering," he said in response, " I was just thinking."

" About what?"

" I was… wondering. The fact that akuma aren't here today doesn't mean that they do not exist. Is it really alright for us to be here relaxing while in the rest of the world there are people and akuma suffer-?"

"Stop it!" Lenalee interrupted him with a shocked look, " We are human beings as well, you know Allen? We have the right to spend _one, single_ normal day too in our life!" She scolded him. Allen looked at her for a moment, but since he was a very generous person he easily forgave her selfishness and gave her his usual sympathetic smile:

" I'm sorry Lenalee, I shouldn't have said that." He said kindly brushing her hair when she hidden her face in his coat crying a few tears.

" I just want everyone of us to be safe," she sobbed, " Is it that selfish to wish for a single day without worries?"

A more severe person (as the author, or Cassandra, Sara, Link, ecc…) would have said that yes, it was selfish considering that they were the only ones able to stop akuma, but Allen was never the type to judge the others, he was the kind of man who's always comprehensive, so he comforted her, even if he couldn't agree with her reasons.

Meanwhile Lenalee was enjoying that unexpected moment of intimacy. Her plan to remain alone with Allen had failed (considering that Kanda is sitting a few feet from them), but maybe something good could came out as well from that little trip.

" Allen," She began, " what are you going to do when all this will be over?" she asked. Allen stiffened: he remembered a night of some week before when he had answered to a very similar question. It seemed ages to him since that night when Road had came in his room to ask him what was his favourite colour and where he would have liked to live. And Allen answered in the same way of that time:

" I never really thought about it, but I'd like to live in a hot country where the sun shines all the year." He said wit a smile, but such a lame response couldn't possibly satisfy Lenalee.

" And what are you going to do?" She insisted, " Will you marry? And have children? Will you find a normal job and live as nothing of this happened?" Allen looked at her with a puzzled look:

" Marry? Job? Live as nothing had happened? Why all those questions?"

" Just answer!" She ordered.

" Well, I'll marry if I fall in love I guess…" he hesitated " But living as nothing had happened, I don't think it is possible nor I want to. No matter how you look at it, this war is an important part of my life, my whole existence until know has been dedicated to akuma, I can't and I don't want to forget about it. If things had gone in another way I wouldn't be the person I'm now, am I right? And, beside this, in these years I didn't see only sad facts, beautiful things happened as well. Isn't that so?" he asked, still smiling. Lenalee looked at him with a sad light in her eyes but said nothing. Allen really wasn't able to think about anything but their present situation, wasn't he? She wondered how he could manage not to break apart without dreaming about a better future, but her mind immediately got tired of such reasoning. She was like this, she didn't desire to know that she could face her destiny as an exorcist in a braver way, she wanted to believe that hers was the right way, the only way.

She rose on her feet and smiled at Allen drying away the last tear:

" Let's reach the others." She offered. Allen smiled in return and rose as well.

Noah's Manor, England, evening

"Alas, Road-chan, why don't you come out? Everyone is worried about you… Don't fear, I won't scold you for your failure!" The Earl tried, but he failed miserably for the girl quickly replied:

" Leave me alone!" she sobbed inside her room.

" Go on, Road, let me see your face. It has been four days that you're locked in there!" Tiky tried as well, but even the handsomest of the Noahs had to accept his defeat when the girl shouted a determinate NO! in reply.

" There are sweets for ya if come out, otherwise we'll eat them all!" Debit threatened

" Yeah, we'll eat them all! Them all!" Jasdero echoed stupidly.

This time Road didn't even bother answering, she just kept on sobbing not caring at all of the other Noahs that were all in the corridor, trying to convince her to show her face. She covered her ears with a pillow and buried her face in it, crying desperately without any shame. She just wanted to be alone, she just wanted to cry all her tears and act as one of those heroine of the novels. She believed she had all the rights to do so for she had lost her only love forever.

_Allen…_

She had had her chance to win him, to have him all for herself forever, and she had lost it, but this was not the worst. The worst was that now he would surely hate her after everything she had done to him. Good Lord, she had tried to _kill _him! Not that it was something new, but she had acted that way after having declared to love him. That was probably too much even for the generous, kind-hearted Allen Walker.

The truth was that deep, very deep inside her heart, Road felt ashamed of what had happened. The one who had treated Allen that way wasn't the real her: she had been carried away by her inner Noah, by her sadistic side, she had showed that part of her that the exorcist hated the most.

She felt miserable for having wasted her opportunity and she felt ashamed for having been overwhelmed by her Noah once again in front of Allen showing a part of her that wasn't the real her, or maybe she had come to the point where the inner Noah which possessed her had become more real that the outer Road Kamelot? The mere thought was disgusting.

She felt as if she was loosing herself and it was confusing, painful… Why painful? What would she have to lose if she submitted to the Noah? She would have avoided a lot of pain this way, but she would loose the last scrap of humanity she had left. Was it that terrible? She hated humans, didn't she? They were stupid, arrogant, selfish, as her mother had been, they were… No matter how they were, she hated them and that was all. She adored being a Noah and feeling superior to them, she liked torturing them and making them know how powerless and ignorant they were, so why did she fear to lost what remained of her human side?

She remembered perfectly the taste of Allen's salty tears, the memory was so vivid, she could see his apathic gaze in front of her in that very moment, she could almost feel his warmth, she could imagine her hands running on his shoulders caressing his skin… Would he tremble if she made her fingers slowly slide along his collarbone?

She wanted him so badly! Who cares if he didn't wanted to be hers, she wanted him, she desired him, she didn't care if he opposed. His cool gaze was a drug, his hateful smiles were beautiful in a horrible way, his cursed soul so tempting. Road hated him for this, but the more he hated him, the more she wanted him. Yet it was clear that he would never been hers, never, and he had failed to conquer him by strength.

It was so cruel.

She cried a lot as she realized for the first time that she and Allen really were irreconcilable. After all, he was so good, so pure, while she was… What was she? When she thought of herself Road couldn't tell to be good or evil. Being a Noah was her nature, it wasn't something about goodness or malice, and she didn't know how to classify herself. She felt out of place, so much that she couldn't be one with the rest of the world, as if she was the wrong piece in a puzzle, so wrong that she couldn't fit with anything else. She felt as if she was unrelated to all the rest, something out of the picture, something without a place to belong to.

That's why she couldn't be with Allen: she wasn't good as him, she wasn't good at all, but she wasn't even bad enough to win him over and conquer his soul. She hadn't been able to make him fall for her, nor to kill him and the reason for her failure was her being nothing definite. That's why she had lost him.

She hated it, but most of all she was tired and annoyed by her own self. She felt the devouring and obsessive desire of dirtying herself, of destroying herself in order to rise again more beautiful than before, shining with the charm of evil, glorious in her darkness. She wanted to damn her soul to redeem herself, she wanted to dirty herself to be pure, she wanted to hate so that she would have finally been able to love as a normal person. It was such a paradox, but it was also so true: she couldn't be nothing if she didn't take a definitive decision and she was so hurt, she held such a rage, she wanted so much to be bad till the very end, to forget every moral scruple and to live without regrets acting just as she felt to.

She wanted so badly to surrender to her inner Noah and the pain was so much… so much that she did it. In that moment, a meaningless moment as many others, she gave up the last scrap of humanity she had left. Immediately the Noah overwhelmed her and her skin became darker, her eyes turned golden as it had happened countless times before, but _this _time it was forever. As for Tiky after the Crown Clown's attack, she wouldn't have been able to return to her human form again, but in her case she had destroyed by herself the bounds which restrained her Noah. It had been her to free the monster inside her and he was fine with it.

"Road, you've finally came out!" Tiky exclaimed, both surprised and relieved, as he saw her advancing in the dining room. The disciple of dream came forward without a word of response and seated at the left of the Earl as she had always done, leaving empty the chair at his right. The Millennium Count observed her mutated appearance in silence, his eyebrows arched in doubt, and it took him a while to spoke:

" Welcome back, Road."

" Thanks, Earl." She replied with a mocking grim painted on her face, but it wasn't her usual grim, there was nothing childish in her behaviour, but a mischievous light shined at the bottom of her golden eyes. There was something more mature and frightening in her, as if the innocent malice of a child had transformed in the pure evil of an adult and it was scary. The Earl noted this and his smile became even wider than usual:

" Today another disciple has gained his true form. We must celebrate!" he declared, but his speech fell into an awkward silence for no-one but Road understood the meaning of those words.

"More importantly," she interrupted him, " what are you going to do with Walker now, Millennium Count?" The Earl noted with pleasure that she hadn't called the exorcist by his first name and it was with a mix of relief and satisfaction that he answered:

" Don't worry about him anymore. The Order will fall soon and we won't have to move a finger for it to happen. The Black Order will collapse, devoured by its same puppets. " he said solemnly among the general confusion.

" What do you mean by this, Earl?" Tiky asked.

" Wait and see, my dear children," was the response, " wait and see, it'll be a wonderful surprise."

_**From Christine Leverrier's diary…**_

_April 11__th__, 1743_

_There is such a peace in this Manor when a certain womanizer is not around!__ Really, it looks like Heaven, my good diary. Anyway, I'm not here t speak about him, I have more important things to say and that is: I finally received my first letter from home. It comes from my mother, naturally, but it's clear that my father told her what to write in more than one passage. I'll post the letter here:_

** My dear Christine, **

**how are you? Are you feeling lonely, so far from home? It has been cruel from our part to send you in such a distant country the first time you left home alone, but I hope that you'll understand the reasons which moved us. At any rate, if you feel uneasy, in danger, if anything's wrong, you just have to tell me and I'll immediately come at your recue, you can swear on it. **

**Here at home we're all fine. Your little sister Claire misses you to no end even if she doesn't want to admit it. It's funny how she makes everything to put you in trouble when you're home though she misses you so much to become depressed when you leave. I guess those are the mysteries of the family ties. You can imagine me smiling, if you want, you won't be very far from the truth, and, please, don't get angry at me for laughing at you and your sister, it's only that the relationship between you two is so strong that I, being your mother, can't help but smile.**

**For what concerns me I can say I'm fine, everything goes as usual, nothing strange has happened, but I can't say not to miss the presence of my elder daughter, my beloved Christine! Nothing is the same without you! There is no-one left to whom I can confide my thoughts, no-one to trouble me with her obsession for party and dresses… my life seems terribly empty without you. I have to confess that it's frightening to wake up the morning and don't find you around, walking in the garden with a book of romance between your hands and a rose among your hair. I never thought that the absence could be as haunting as a phantom, but so it is. I always have the feeling that there is something wrong and then I realize: "Oh, it's because Christine isn't here! I should write her a letter, but what should I say? Why should I bore her with my stupid worries and ridiculous problems?" I wonder.**

**I hope not to bore you as I fear, but know this: stupid worries and ridiculous problems are what a mother's life is about. You'll experience this too, one day. **

**Speaking about that I can't refrain from asking: have you met any distinguish young gentleman in England? I guess you certainly have, so I'll just ask: is he handsome? Is he worth of my daughter? I want to know everything! How silly I am, am I not? That's just one of the stupid worries I hinted at before…**

**Your father is beside me right now and he orders me to tell you to write nothing stupid, there will be time to tell us everything you've seen, but he urges me to ask you if you're fine, if things are as you expected them to be or if something strange happened. He's rather busy with work lately, you know, the association he's just founded takes him a lot of time and attention, but I think that a reassuring answer from your part would ease his work very much. **

**Christine, I can't wait to read your response, my dear, I want to know everything you can tell me right now! I know that I'm acting silly, but please, fulfil your mother wish and answer me immediately!**

**With love…**

**Your mother Marie Leverrier **

_Now, my diary, what should I think of such a letter? It's obvious that beneath the frills there was more than a hidden message, but what worries me the most are that "your father orders me to tell you to write nothing stupid" and the other sentence which says: "He's very busy with work lately, but I think that a reassuring answer from your part would ease his work very much"._

_It appears clear that he and his Order of madmen are having problems and that he wants to know if I've noticed anything strange, but at the same time he orders me to write nothing stupid (in other words: nothing dangerous). What should I do? Of course I noticed nothing strange, that's why I hadn't been writing anything in the last four days, and Road's family seems to me the gathering of the most beautiful and charming persons in the world, but I can't say that to my father who already thinks them to be an organization of monsters! Being a spy sure is exhausting… Anyway I managed to write an answer. I post it here:_

** My dear mother, **

**What should I say if not that I'm very happy? Everyone is so kind with me that I'd be a monster to complain for something! Road's father, Lord Cheryl, is a very distinguished gentleman, one of those persons you are never tired of, and Road herself is just as agreeable as I expected her to be by our exchange of letters. **

**I met Road's sister, lady Lulubell, as well and I have to confess that she's as enchanting as her suitors say. I'm sorry, but I can't compete with her so I have no news about handsome gentlemen for you and tell my father that he has not to worry about my reputation, I don't run any risk! **

**There are many things that I'd like to tell you, but for not it will be enough if I say that you and father don't have to worry: things here seems better that you've imagined. Don't fear for me and tell dad not to overwork or he'll end up ill for no reason. **

**I too miss you all very much, but I must admit that during the day I have so many things to do, so many places to see, that I don't have the time to feel lonely. **

**I'm sorry if this letter will appear short to you, but now I really have to go: Road and Lady Lulubell are waiting for me, we're going shopping. Give a kiss and a strong embrace to Claire from my part and advise me when the roses of the garden will bloom, I'm so sorry that I won't be here to see them when this will happen…**

**With love and respect…**

**Your daughter Christine Leverrier .**

_So, my diary, what do you think of it? Was this answer cautious and yet satisfying enough for my anxious parents? I hope it is because this is the best I can do! _

_Oh, I'm so tired, I've been writing for almost two hours and now I'm really exhausted. I'll be better go sleeping but tomorrow I'll write something more, something that happened yesterday and that I didn't mention in the letter because I honestly don't know what to think about it…_

_Goodnight for now, my diary…_

_Christine Leverrier_

_**Author's notes – **_**Apparent peace**

**Hi readers, how are you? It wouldn't kill you to leave a review sometimes, you know? ^^**

**Anyway, here in this notes I want to clarify something: the reason why I think Lenalee is no good for Allen while Road is. In appearance, Lenalee would seem the best choice, but have you read the first part of this chapter when she speaks about Allen's arm? I didn't invent completely that side of Lenalee. More than once in the manga appears this attitude of hers to hate everything related to their being exorcist and her love for common things (as making coffee for the scientific section), more than once she speaks about desiring to live in a place without akuma. She is not interested in akuma not existing, she is interested in not being an exorcist herself and those dear to her. And you remember the XXX night/chapter (fourth volume) when she confessed that she hates Allen's cursed eye? I started from there to speak about Lenalee's incapacity of accepting their role as exorcists. She loves Allen, but she would like him to be a normal person. She doesn't realize that Allen is Allen **_**because**_** he is an exorcist. Being e chosen by the Innocence isn't just a burden for Allen, as it is for Lenalee, for him it is a mission, an aim in life. He is an exorcist because he can't stand akuma and humans suffering, because he **_**wants **_**to do what he can in the sad reality he's accepted. Lenalee hasn't accepted all this, she fights by duty, to protect her exorcist friends and her brother, that's all. She will never be able to accept the exorcist side of Allen. That's why I think she's not suited for him. She doesn't really love Allen for what he is, unlike Road.**

**I think Road has understood him better than anyone. She is not like him, she doesn't have his "purity" but that's one of the ****reasons why she is attracted by him. I think Road is the only one who really loves Allen for what he is, for everything he is, unlike his other friends, both in the manga and in this fic. **

**Still, that's my personal opinion about it, many of you surely won't agree, but then please review and tell me what your opinion is!**

**P.S.= I'm creating a blog all dedicated to my fanfictions. Soon I'll post the link down here ^^**

**Goodnight to you all…**

**Eris92**


	28. Chapter 28 Am I in danger?

**Here I am with chapter XXVIII! How are you readers? I felt in a Link mood so this chapter is all filled of Link, Allen, and then there are the third exorcists. I'm sorry that they don't compare since a long time, but DGM has so many characters that it's difficult to give propter space to them all. It's impossible, at least for me. But I'm writing a little more about Allen lately, am I not? Maybe he will even become the main character…he ****should ****be the main character, but this idiotic author is madly in love with all the other characters so I forget him often ^^'' Sorry…**

**IMPORTANT: For the last chapter I had a review from SPENSERSBEST and I would like to reply to it. **

**TO SPENSERSBEST****: **_**thank you for the review, but it seems that there is something that I need to clarify: this is NOT a KandaxOC story. There are ALSO Kanda and Cassandra, but with this fic I wanted to imagine an alternative end to DGM, not to write a romance, otherwise the category would have been "romance" and not "supernatural-adventure". Still, I'm happy you like my story "generally" ^^. Can I now ask you to help me writing a better story reviewing and telling me what you liked and what not? It would help me and it would please you readers more I think. Anyway, if you're interested in KandaXOC, don't fear, there will be as soon as Cassandra comes back to the Headquarters after her training and when she appears…well, it's not like you can ignore her XD Do you like Cassandra? It would make me happy to read your answer…**_

_**CHAPTER XXVIII- **_**AM I IN DANGER?**

_Headquarters, Allen's and Link's room, morning _

Allen had woken up in a good mood that morning: he was relieved to be back. Of course he had enjoyed his day off with his friends, but he didn't yearn for other days like that: he was happy of having come back. He could understand easily Lenalee's dream of a peaceful life without responsibilities, but he couldn't be fine enjoying life when he knew that somewhere else people was dying because of something only he could fight.

So, in the end, he didn't miss the calm of the day before, but he felt more ready to face his duty after that little pause of relax. In other words: after that experience he had had the umpteenth proof that he wasn't wasting his life, that one day he wouldn't have found himself regretting that he had dedicated the years of his youth to the akuma instead of devoting himself to the pleasures of life as the other normal teens. Now he knew that he didn't care about a normal life, that it was ok for him to loose himself in his duty as an exorcist and he was happy of this, horribly happy.

Allen put on his coat singing in a low voice some cheerful old song as he hadn't done since ages and Link noticed it:

" Has something good happened, Walker?" he asked friendly. When Allen was happy the Inspector felt relieved as well for a strange phenomenon he still hadn't understood or named.

" Nothing, really, I'm just glad I'm back." The teen answered with a broad smile that would have dazzled anyone. Link felt like smiling in response: there was no way one could resist to Allen's enthusiasm; he was too contagious even for a serious Inspector as the blonde was. That was the boy's real power, even if he didn't realize it. Link wondered what kind of supernatural strength that kid had to be able to smile in a situation such as his.

"I envy you," the Inspector confessed without shame, "how can you smile like that? Aren't you afraid?" he asked seriously with a strange anxiety, his hunger for knowing and understanding the boy devouring him. He adored Allen, no doubt of it, he knew it, and he wanted to know the secret of his strength that he, Link, lacked tragically. _"Aren't you afraid?"_ The Inspector would have never dared to ask something so personal to anyone, but Allen, because Allen wad strong, Allen was the one who could bear all the strikes of misfortune and support the rest of the world in the meanwhile.

Still, the teen didn't answer immediately to his question, but just stared firmly at him in the eyes for some moment. Then, he smiled again and said:

"What would it be the point in making a tragedy out of it? Would it resolve things? The fact is that there is nothing I can do about it so I'll just stand tall and face things the better I can." Allen's smile was so warm, so honest, that Link felt something stinging in his heart.

He would have wanted so much to be like Allen, to have his purity, his strength, his faith in the future, but he hadn't. Such a sparkling essence didn't suit the black right wing of Malcom C. Leverrier. After all, the obscure path of a Crow was the only thing he could expect from life, the only possible destiny for a killer unable of remorse, a spy and a traitor as he was, because that was his real nature, though Allen's presence had actually softened him a little. Yes, he _had _softened a bit, but it would have been enough for Leverrier to snap his fingers and he would have returned the filthy, hateful demon he had been taught to be. He was a damned being, his very soul was tainted, and he had often thought that he had no right to stand beside normal people for the fear of corrupting them as well with his mere presence, but Allen… oh, he could remain near the boy without fearing to taint him because Allen was just too strong to be destroyed by him, he could ask him everything without panicking because he knew that none of his words would have ever been able to shook his faith. That was why he could ask without remorse:

"But in reality you feel fear, don't you?"

"You mean if I fear Leverrier's intentions about me? Yes, I do." The teen replied with calm, still smiling, "Of course I fear him, I fear that he will get in my way and obstacle my mission as an exorcist."

"But he doesn't want to obstacle you, he wants to kill you!" Link remembered him with a painful voice which mirrored his secret emotions, but which was also terribly out of place in that situation, almost ridiculous.

"I don't think he will kill me," Allen explained with the same calm of before, "I'm one of the Hearts, right? I'm necessary to win this war, am I not?"

"Don't be so sure of it," Link replied with concern, "It's not him the one who decides things, though I myself had thought so for a long time. If someone of higher rank was o order him to kill you…"

"Then he will have to face his own conscience." Allen replied with simple severity.

"It is not… that easy…" The Inspector muttered, almost not caring to hide his evident anguish, but the teen had had enough of his riddles:

"Link, if you want to tell me something, say it. If you can't, don't say it, but please don't put me trough riddles; at the moment I don't have patience for this kind of things." He declared sternly.

"I'm sorry," the Inspector apologized, bowing his head to avoid the teen's annoyed gaze, "I'm just worried about the whole situation. I understand that things and situations are changing quickly, very quickly, and I don't understand what's happening anymore. No-one knows what to do, the Commandant himself doesn't, and in the middle of all this there is you who I don't understand. I can guess that something important is happening to you, but you won't tell me a thing and that's just natural since I'm a spy who was send to keep watch on your movements. Still, it feels awkward to spend with you every minute of my life and know that you must think of me as an enemy. Plus, I'm annoyed because I've watched over you for so long that I probably know you better than anyone else, and yet I can't understand you. I may foretell your actions, but not understand your thoughts. That's very annoying." He confessed all of a sudden.

Link had never been so honest in his whole life and when he saw Allen staring back at him in a mysterious way, his honest gaze fixed on him, the Inspector panicked. Had he made an error speaking out loud a little bit of the affection he felt for the teen? He was so used to deal with falsehood and traitors that he didn't knew how to react in front of someone so pure as Allen. Everything he did seemed just so wrong when Allen was involved…

But then the teen smiled again in that gentle way of his and it was as if the winter had retired to leave his place to the spring. Link blushed slightly for the embarrassment of having showed such a weak side of his, but the teen ignored his confused reaction and began to explain:

"I don't think of you as an enemy and I'm sorry I made you feel this way. It's just that a lot of things are happening and I don't know what to think myself." Allen confessed.

"_Welcome in the club…" _Link thought bitterly, but didn't say it out loud. Instead he voiced:

"What kind of things? If it's something personal I won't tell it to Leverrier. I promise."

"Is there something that is not personal?" Allen joked with bitter irony, "Of course it is personal, but since the Fourteenth is involved it concerns the Order as well, isn't that right?" Link said nothing in response, but waited for the teen to continue:

"Everyday is presence becomes realer. It's not a problem to keep him under control, it hasn't caused me any trouble lately, but he's becoming conscious of his position and I'm becoming more conscious of his existence as well. He doesn't try to take possess of my body in any way, it's as if he's waiting for something, but I can feel his presence every moment, every second, always! It's frightening, knowing that there is someone else inside you. When I look at my image reflected in the mirror I always wonder: _"who's me? And who's the Fourteenth?". _Are we two different beings, or are we a monstrous chimera, a terrible experiment as those they made on the third exorcists? Did someone wonder: _what will happen if a fuse an exorcist with a Noah?_ Am I the result of an experiment of this kind? Or there is no-one to blame and all this happened for a mere case? I can't help but ask this to myself, over and over, every minute, every second. Who am I?" Allen stopped and looked at Link with a puzzled look as if he could have an answer. And the Inspector did have an answer, maybe not the one Allen was searching for, maybe not the right one, but did it matter? At least it was an answer:

"Does it matter to know who you are?" the blond Inspector asked, "And what will you obtain once you'll know if you're a pure exorcist or a fusion between that and a Noah? Will this resolve your troubles? Remember why did you become an exorcist, Walker, remember what your aim is and try to make your dream become true. That's all should matter to you." Link said, feeling strange. A member of the Crow wasn't supposed to say such things, but the look Allen was giving him! The teen was staring at him as if the Inspector had showed him the light. So ironical, Link thought, and yet the idea made him feel an inhuman joy: maybe he had really done something good for Allen in the end. It would have been more than he had ever hoped to accomplish.

The boy was terribly important to him for he was his saint, his guide, his faith in goodness, but what could Link be to him if not a useless burden? That's what he had thought till then, till that moment when he had realized he could actually do something for Allen as well: he could support him when no-one else could, because even heroes and saints have their moments of weakness and it's not a rare sight to see them abandoned by the world they've always protected. Heroes must be strong for the world, but who's strong for the heroes? No-one, that's why we love them, that's why they're so special: because even being alone they take on their shoulder the whole world. But Allen wouldn't have been alone anymore, Link decided.

_Headquarters, Allen's and Link's room, night_

Allen couldn't sleep well that night, but for once it wasn't because of the nightmares, or because of the Fourteenth. It was because of the man who slept in that same room of him in that moment, in the bed next to his. Inspector Link.

Though at the beginning of their acquaintance their relationship had been very, very, tense, with time they had managed to understand a bit of each other and the teen was happy that he could declare to be friends with the severe Inspector. He wasn't an evil person; there was kindness in him instead, though it had been buried somewhere at the bottom of his heart and forgotten there. Allen had understood that only recently, when he had started to notice many little signs which indicated that the blond man had started to think of the boy as a friend as well. The teen hid a chuckle at the thought of how goofy Link was trying to hide it.

After all it was only natural for the blonde one to act like this, since his work was to spy Allen, but the boy was happy anyway. He liked Link, though he couldn't understand him sometimes for he held too much secretes that he wasn't going to reveal to no-one. And Allen had his secrets as well. That morning he had revealed many things he had never thought he would have ever confessed, but he had preserved for himself one, last important detail: not only could he see the Fourteenth reflected in mirrors, lately he could hear his voice as well and it wasn't rare anymore for him to have real fights with _him_. That alone was more frightening than anything else and it just increased his confusion. Plus, Allen had realized another important thing: he was weaker to the Fourteenth's assaults when the Innocence was activated. When the holy weapon was separated from his body he was less protected against the dark matter of the Noah.

Terrifying. Now Allen was scared to fight. Every time he activated it was a battle to preserve his soul, his identity, his existence.

Still, it wasn't this which was keeping him awake that night: the fault was of Link's words. The way the Inspector had tried to comfort him… it was all very strange from his part and thought his words didn't contain all the truth, the Inspector had still managed to show him a way. What mattered wasn't _who_ was inside Allen's body, but the aim he had. In other words, if the Fourteenth shared the same aim of the exorcist, to destroy the Earl, then it didn't matter if he was a Noah. For the first time Allen had realized that maybe it was possible for him to cooperate with "his other self" in order to reach their aim.

"_It was time for you to realize it…" _An annoying voice whispered inside his head.

"Shut up," Allen replied, "I said I can cooperate, but that's not the moment. Till then shut up." He ordered.

"_You're so harsh, Allen Walker…__Try to be gentler next time if you want my help…" _The Fourteenth answered and then fell silent. The teen sighed, answering nothing, and at the end he lied on the bed, finally falling asleep.

_Headquarters of the American branch, __evening_

Kiredori walked slowly across the long corridor which would have taken her to Renee's office. She hadn't intentionally gone that way, she had just found herself walking towards it and as soon as she had realized it, she had understood that yes, she really longed to enter in that office, to seat in front of Renee and ask her all the questions that were floating in her head forbidding her any sleep.

She wanted to hear Renee's confident voice telling her that it was all ok, that she would have been allowed to see Goushi soon. That was the thing she wanted the most: to see Goushi. No-one had been able to see him since the day when he had gone insane and the security had taken him away (Author: it's referring to chapter XIV) and she was worried, more than worried.

Renee had kept on saying that he was fine, that they were curing him, but Kiredori had noticed more than once how uneasy the doctor felt every time she repeated that and how Tevak's face used to become a mask of anguish anytime Goushi's name was brought up. Kiredori could be still young, but she was no stupid: she knew that something was wrong, she felt that Goushi was never to come back and yet she still hoped… She hoped that they were all due to her imagination, the dark signs of ruin she perceived everywhere lately, even in her own mind. But the cruel demon of suspect wouldn't stop whispering in her ear terrible scenarios.

That's why she needed Renee's comforting words, even if they were a lie, she didn't care: she wanted her dream of _"normality"_ to last a bit longer, just a bit longer she wanted to conserve the illusion that they could still live and be happy, even if they weren't humans anymore, that the world could accept monsters as them. She reached the door of the office and was going to knock when the sound of Leverrier's vice kept her from doing so. He was saying:

"So, what do you want to do with them?"

"What do _you _want me to do, commandant?" Renee's severe voice answered.

"It depends on them. If they're a danger for the Order, destroy them."

"Are you really asking me to kill them?" Renee's voice was surprised, but she didn't seem scandalized by his proposal. Kiredori stiffened as she listened: who were they talking about? The same suspect of before suggested her a horrible hypothesis, but she decided to ignore it. It couldn't be.

"Kill?" Leverrier was ironical now, "Can it be called _killing_ destroying a machine we created?"

"Of course not." Renee replied with calm as if they were talking about the weather and not about the life of living beings, "You said it," she continued, "they're machines we created, they belong to us as the akuma belong to the Millennium Count."

"Well said, doctor Epstein," Leverrier answered with a courteous smile, "we are their constructor and we can destroy them whenever we want."

Kiredori began to shiver and tremble as she heard more of that devilish conversation. If she could have had any doubt before, now it was clear who were those machines they were speaking about. The akuma of the Black Order. That's all they were, nothing more, nothing less, they were also souls constricted inside a monstrous body, obliged to kill following their constructor commands. Really, was there any difference between them and the akuma?

Her little body was shaking always more violently and at the end she decided she couldn't bear anything more as she heard Leverrier concluding:

"So, did you already destroyed that one which had gone crazy?"

"Goushi?" Renee asked in response, "Yes, we disposed of him more or less a month ago. As soon as he lose his mind we realized that he couldn't be cured. We thought about sectioning him. Right now we're still studying his organs to understand what went wrong."

At this point Kiredori felt she was going to vomit and she ran away, praying silently that no-one had seen her eavesdropping.

_A few minutes later…_

As soon as Kiredori ran inside the room, painting and slamming the door behind her, all the eyes of the members of her _"family" _were focused on her. Madarao was the first to notice that his sister was unnaturally pale and that a veil of sweat covered her features. Still, he said nothing waiting for her to speak, but from the younger's lips came out a single word:

"_Run." _

She murmured, her eyes wide in shock, and yet that word couldn't have startled them more if she had shouted.

" Calm down, Kiredori," Tokusa said immediately coming to sustain her for it seemed that she was going to faint. She avoided his gentle touch and advanced in the middle of the room on shaking legs, staring at her brother and Tevak:

"I heard them talk," Kiredori began, her eyes still wide in shock shining unnaturally on her pale face. She looked feverish. "They think that we're dangerous, they said that we'll loose our mind as Goushi did, he said that they must eliminate us!" She shouted at last.

"Calm down immediately," Madarao ordered severe, "Who do you mean by they? And who's he?" he asked thought it was easy to imagine the answer. He wanted to hear it from her lips, but she ignored his words:

"They've already killed Goushi, they have cut him into pieces! When I called Renee for help, I sealed his fate, _I_ killed him!" She paused, as if she was surprised by her own words, "And now they want to dispose of us, TO DISPOSE! As if we're machines that can be dismantled and reassembled as they like, as if we were not… living things." She whispered at last and fell silent. It was only at this point that her knees finally gave up and she would have fallen if Tokusa hadn't caught her. He took her to the nearer chair and worried only about her as if the news didn't concern him, while Tevak just stared at Madarao as she always did anytime there was a decision to be taken. But no answer came from the man and he kept on gazing at the nothing in front of him, lost in his thoughts.

Then he turned his gaze on Kiredori and Tokusa, but still he said nothing. The young girl didn't seem to have recovered at all, no matter how her companion was trying to reassure her, she wouldn't listen. Then her little body stopped trembling all of a sudden, but it was no good, because she started weeping miserably instead:

"They've killed Goushi the same day we trusted him to their care… and during all this time, they said nothing to us, they lied and lied and lied. Now they want to kill us as well. I hate them." She confessed through gritted teeth. In that moment she didn't seem the rebellious always ready to criticize and condemn, but she looked very much like an helpless child. Tokusa, being the warm-hearted man he was, felt the urge to protect her to whatever cost, that fragile creature who was weeping between his arms as if nothing else existed in the world.

Madarao wasn't of the same opinion: "How can you hate and weep at the same time?" He asked harshly, something similar to rage spreading across his features, "If you really think all this it's monstrous, then stop crying and stare at the horror in the eyes, fill your heart of these terrible images, of these feelings, so that the rage can give you the strength to fight back when the times comes." He ordered and there was a strange finality in his words. Kiredori suddenly stopped crying and gazed at him as if he had enlightened her. Tokusa instead put himself between the two brothers protectively, unable to understand what exactly was going on and why was Madarao angry with the girl.

" Have you heard when are they going to act?" Madarao asked with the same severity of before. When Kiredori answered her voice was weak, but also controlled, lucid and professional:

"No, but they said that they're going to act soon, next week if you want my opinion, but it can't be sooner for they need warriors of a certain level to destroy us."

"Fine. We'll use this time to prepare a strategy. We'll definitively fight back." Madarao answered in a loud voice and it's words couldn't be mistaken: it was an order directed to them all. Tokusa arched his eyebrows in suspect, but said noting not to upset Kiredori more than she already was.

"Tevak," Madarao ordered again, "take Kiredori in her room and make her rest." The blond one obeyed without any hesitation leaving Madarao and Tokusa alone in the room. A tensed silence filled the air.

Tokusa had never liked Madarao and yet, for peace's sake, he had always avoided to pick up a fight with him and acted in a friendly way. Still in that moment, when they were alone in the dark room, overcame by a feeling similar to a resigned desperation, Tokusa felt the old antipathy rising up inside him once again. He stiffened and looked at the redhead with resentment and coldness wondering why he was so cruel towards someone who had never done anything wrong to him.

Anyway he would have never expected Madarao to say: "I've a favour to ask you" and yet he did, he said exactly these words and he pronounced them with such a dignity and a honesty that Tokusa felt he wouldn't have been able to refuse, no matter what his companion was to ask him.

"Please, take care of Kiredori." The redhead declared with such a humility Tokusa had thought him unable to feel.

"Take care of Kiredori?" The blond asked in response, "Why should I? Aren't you her brother? Are you tired of taking care of her maybe?" he challenged him with cruel sarcasm.

"Leverrier is going to kill us. You must have understood this at least." Madarao said, his voice infused once again of that arrogance which was his main characteristic, "They won't let us ran away, but I'm not going to give up without fighting and I don't want Kiredori to die here. She's too young, too innocent. Do you understand this? Do you agree with me on this?" He asked. Tokusa nodded ignoring the arrogance in his voice.

Of course he didn't want Kiredori to die. Madarao had said well: she was too young, too innocent; her life had already been twisted enough by the Black Order. There was no need for her to feel more sufferance, Tokusa thought, and yet it seemed there was nothing he could do to spare her this umpteenth strike of fate. The mere thought filled him of sadness. Since the day he had known that rebellious girl, he had liked her: she reminded him of how he had been in the early years of his youth and she was strong, she was determinate. He had never seen her cry before that day. He had loved her strength, her courage, the way she kept on walking down the painful path other people had drew for her. That was why he had always forgiven her for her useless rage, for the innocent cruelty she had showed towards him sometimes, for… for everything.

If Madarao wanted to protect Kiredori, he would have definitively helped him: that was the first thing Tokusa thought after having heard the redhead's words and when his companion asked him: "Will you be my ally?", then Tokusa simply nodded and his gesture was more meaningful than one hundred words.

_**From Christine Leverrier's diary…**_

_April 12th, 1743_

_Here I am, my good diary, to fulfil my promise of yesterday to tell you something strange which happened to me the day before yesterday. As I already wrote, I didn't mention it in the letter I sent to my parents because I'm not sure of what I saw and, even if I was, I wouldn't know how to explain it. _

_The fact is very simple: it was night and I had just finished a drawing I was working at, when I stood up and watched out of the window. It was a beautiful spring night, very clear and warm, and it was very pleasant to gaze at the half moon which shined in the dark sky while the nocturnal breeze was messing up my hair. It would have been a very pleasant moment, indeed, if something creepy hadn't happened. _

_I looked down at the Manor's garden and I noticed two figures walking together, holding each other's hands. I immediately recognized them as Lord Cheryl and Road, so I relaxed and started to think about how strong their relationship is, when I observed them more carefully and I realized that Road was wearing a very improper white dress, short, without sleeves, something that a lady isn't supposed to wear. _

_I had been very surprised by this and I was thinking about the possible reasons behind it when both Road and Lord Cheryl turned towards my window and it was then that the upsetting thing happened: her eyes! They were golden, as Tiky's are( while they're usually black) and yet they were different from his: they were cold, cruel, threatening, and they were staring at me! _

_I was scared, so I hid myself behind the curtain and when I looked out again she and Lord Cheryl were gone. _

_I was pretty far from her, so I can't be sure of what I saw, but something inside me tells me that I haven't been tricked, that she was really staring at me and that her eyes were really of that strange colour. How could have I seen them otherwise if they weren't shining unnaturally in the night as those of a feline? No, no matter what my rationality says, I'm sure of what I've seen: there was a strange creature in the garden that night and it wasn't Road though it was in her body! I'm sure of it as I'm sure that I'm not dreaming now. _

_But, even if that's so, what's the meaning behind this? What conclusion should I obtain by it? Road's eyes change colour and they seems cruel when they're golden, so? Should it change something to me? Of course what happened was strange, but what also? _

_The following day, I must admit that I was a bit scared of meeting her, but when she ran towards me with her usual, warm, smile on her face all my suspects fell. I can't doubt Road, she's my friend, she's my only real friend, how can I doubt her? Still what I think to have seen frightened me so I felt the urge to write it down. Somehow it comforts me, the idea that everything has been written down, and I already feel better, as if the dark shadow that had been hanging over me has passed over._

_Writing sure is a great comfort in difficult moments…_

_Now I leave you my diary, time to go to sleep! _

_Goodnight…_

_Christine Leverrier_

_April 15th, 1743_

_The last two days have passed in a rather comfortable way, my diary: Road and Lady Lulubell took me visiting the city and making acquaintances with some of the other important families of London. It was pretty fun, and I fear young Lord Strings has fallen for me… but let's forget stupid things, I've to speak about mooore serious ones. _

_As I said, the last two days have been completely peaceful and I had already started forgetting the strange incident with Road, but today I happened to overhear something which destroyed completely my calm as, probably, my sanity as well. _

_I had descended for breakfast a little earlier than usual because I had troubles sleeping this night, and guess what? Road obviously was nowhere to be seen, but Lord Cheryl and Lady Lulubell were already sitting in the living room and they were arguing. More exactly, Lady Lulubell had a tune of voice strangely high, something very unusual for her, and that's the main reason because I stopped by and listened to their conversation. _

_I know, someone like me, a guest, shouldn't be eavesdropping, but I'm a spy after all and I just couldn't suppress my curiosity. What could make someone as the always quite Lulubell shout? And why Lord Cheryl seemed so strangely calm, instead? You must admit that it was a veeery interesting riddle. _

_I had just started listening when Lord Cheryl said: _

"_Just calm down, my dear Lulu. You know how the Earl is: when he decides something, that is, there is no way we can persuade him to change his plans." He declared, with the same smile he'd have if he was speaking about the dinner. Still, Lady Lulubell didn't seem to share his calm for she shouted:_

" _But we have to! He can't want that man to come here! We worked so much to realize the Earl's scenario and now he sends here "him"! He'll ruin everything, everything, I know. It's always like this with him, he's the most unstable, and he doesn't know how to control himself. Cheryl, if that troublemaker comes here it will be our end." She declared fiercely, as the heroine of a romance. I had never seen her so passionate. To tell the truth, I had never seen her passionate at all, but it didn't surprise me as much as to hear her call the one who was supposed to be her father by his first name. _

"_If you fear him so much," Lord Cheryl began, "just ask Tiky to come back. He's the only one able to contain Amatus' energy and he'll surely understand if you ask him to return." He suggested, but once again Lady Lulubell didn't seem to appreciate his advice:_

"_I should plead Tiky help? I won't! He's as unstable as Amatus, more or less. If they both come here that it won't be just the end of the Earl's plans, it would be the apocalypse!" She shouted hysterically and at these words Lord Cheryl began to laugh as if she had said something very funny instead of having predicted the world's end. But who is this Amatus? And how is he related to Tiky?_

" _Oh, my dear, don't exaggerate! Now you're overestimating them. It's true that they are troublesome, but they still are our beloved brothers…" Brothers? How can they be all brothers? I've missed something… I swear: I don't understand anything anymore._

" _Speak for yourself." Lulubell replied fiercely as if she was denying her relationship with the three men. _

" _But that's what the Earl wants!" Her "father" replied and this sentence seemed to silence her, "He's our dear master, Lulu, we can just follow his orders faithfully. If he has decided that Amatus will come here, he will. And we'll greet him as if we'd missed him. Clear?"_

" _Clear. But I'm doing this just because the Earl ordered me to." She answered with a touchy voice that seemed terribly unlike her._

" _Of course. After all, he's the one who will lead us to a new world, the new world that will resurge from the ashes of this corrupted one." Lord Cheryl concluded. _

_After this I couldn't hear anything anymore because Lady Lulubell advanced towards the door as if she wanted to left and I had no choice but to run away. And I ran, indeed, as fast as I could, towards my room. I didn't want to eat breakfast anymore; I had lost all appetite after what I've heard. And here I still am, locked in my room, writing everything I heard and noticed before the memory becomes less accurate. _

_I don't know what to think of this. What are they plotting? Is all the family involved? So it seems from what I heard, but who is the Earl? "Our dear master", that's how Lord Cheryl called him, but what's the meaning behind these words? And what did he mean when he said that this mysterious Earl will lead them to a new world, a world that will resurge from the ashes of the actual one? _

_I'm scared, my diary, I'm really scared. What are they plotting? May it be that they're going to overthrown the actual king of England, King George II? I know that such an idea is absurd, it seems so even to me, but it's the only hypothesis which came to my mind. If that's what they're plotting, I'm in serious danger, my diary, and I have to advise my father, but how? What if they control the letter I send? I can't risk; I've to wait for a more favourable chance. _

_Meanwhile I'll examine the situation and I'll try to understand something more about this strange family and their plots. Wish me good luck…_

_Christine Leverrier._

_April 17th, 1743_

_My diary, you'll be thinking that I must have some interesting news to communicate you about the "conspiration matter". Well, sorry to disappoint you, but I don't. More exactly, I do have some interesting news indeed, but they don't concern that argument. I'm going to write about the ball we're organizing. _

_A ball! I've been waiting it since my arrive so this morning, when Road told me that we're going to have one here at Kamelot Manor, I almost fainted for the excitement. A ball, here, next week! It would be impossible for me not to be involved in the preparations and, infact, the organizing part has been entrusted to Road and me. We're doing a wonderful work. _

_I'll probably wear that blue dress I've ordered the sixth of this month. Since my parents aren't here, I could make it more like my style and I'll surely be astonishing with those clothes on: the blue colour recall my eyes and the line exalt my thin waist. I can't wait to see it finished, I'll make everyone fall for me, I definitively will! _

_This takes me to another, more serious, topic: Tiky. I don't know what his role is in the plot which is going on beneath these walls, but he surely is involved and it's clear that he has an interest of some kind in me as well. So, assuming that what I've said 'till here is correct, can you imagine what I've planned? I'll seduce him. Yes, don't be scandalized, my diary, I'm doing this just for the sake of my mission (Author: And you think we can believe you, Christine?)!_

_I'm going to make him fall for him and to extort from his perfect lips everything he knows about his family's plans an the mysterious Earl. Am I not a genius? This is my opportunity to find out the truth without running to many risks and I don't dislike the idea of being with Tiky, honestly I don't dislike it at all. _

_Unfortunately he's still away because of his work and I won't have the chance to meet him before the ball, it seems. I must confess that I can't wait to meet him again._

_With love_

_Christine Leverrier_

**Author's notes: **_**The useless princess of the manor**_

**Hi guys, I have some awesome news for you! I've opened a blog just to speak about the chapters of my fanfictions and to post the drawings of the characters. Here is the link: **

**.**

**Please, go and see it. I just started**** it so there isn't much to say, but I've posted some drawing of Tyki, Cassandra and Sara I made and, obviously, the notes and my comments to this chapter. Will you go reading it? Will you see the pictures? Oh, please, do it!**

**And leave a review, of course, both here and on the blog! I want to hear your opinions! Now: GO!**

**Goodnight to you all,**

**Eris92**

**Rome, 11.06.10**


	29. Chapter 29 HIDING IN THE SHADOW

_**Hello readers, here we are with chapter X**__**XIX! This is a nostalgic chapter, but I liked writing it the same for I made Cross and Maria appear after a very long time ^^ Hope you'll like it!**_

_**Soundtrack for this chapter:**_

"_**Thousand words" the English version from Final Fantasy X- 2**_

"_**Call me when you're sober" by Evanescence**_

"_**Jesus" by Gackt **_

_**DISCLAIMER: I don't own DGM, if I did Kanda would have been the main character, Leverrier wouldn't have been an hopeless bastard and Allen would have ended up with Road after a few chapters. And Cassan**__**dra would have ruled them all XD **_

_**CHAPTER XIX—**_**HIDING IN THE SHADOWS**

_Morning, place unknown_

Cross' health was getting better: now he wasn't obliged to remain in bad all the day, but he could even walk for while and sit beside his gentle nurse as he was doing in that moment. He adored to brush her long hair with his calluses hands and feel their softness against his rough fingers; that simple gesture was able to make him forget all the difficulties and the pain that was surely waiting for him once he would be able to fight again.

Yes, he wanted to fight again, he starved for action and yet, even if his body was going to heal, what would he be able to do? His weapon, Judgement, had abandoned him, and his other weapon, Maria, wasn't his tool anymore: she had come back to real life and he couldn't say to be displeased by it. He kept on caressing her hair, noticing that she had never complained for it since she had come back to her real self. It was strange.

When he had met him the first time, she was a stubborn, proud, woman, she never allowed him to touch her at that time, not even to kiss her beautiful hand, nothing. And now she was there, letting him do more or less as he pleased without voicing a single word of complain. Unable to suppress his curiosity, Cross asked her the reason of her changing.

"Do you remember the first thing you told me when we met?" she asked in response.

"Of course I do," he answered, "I told you: Miss, you surely have a broken heart, I can understand it just by looking at the way your eyes are gazing out of the window. Please, let me fix that lovely broken heart of yours. That's what I said and you walked away without saying a single word, refusing to dedicate me a single glance." He accused.

"And do you know why did I walk away?" She asked with patience, her controlled voice similar to a soft melody, "I ran away because you treated me as a broken doll. You didn't want to understand my feelings, you just wanted to "fix" what you thought was wrong in me. You were no different from my father or the villagers, You were a ridiculous, dangerous, banal man to my eyes and I had no interest at all in you." She made a little pause, as to allow him to reflect on what she had just said.

"But many years have passed since then, many, many years, and I saw other sides of you. You changed since that time and my opinion of yours changed as well. That's all there is to say." Cross smiled involuntarily at her words: "Are you trying to say that you like me now?" he asked with that boldness which was a peculiarity of his womanizer side.

"Don't think so high of yourself, Cross Marian," she replied with her habitual coldness, "to me you'll always remain a mere commoner." She declared haughtily, but the ex-general could guess the shadow of a smile skim her lips and he smiled as well.

"Why are you smiling like an idiot now?" she asked annoyed.

"How can you know that I'm smiling?" he replied with suspect, "Aren't you blind since birth?"  
"Yes, I am, but I can perceive the change of the aura surrounding you." She declared and quickly moved to rest her hands on his face, caressing his deformed profile which wasn't covered by the mask anymore:

"See?" she asked, "I was right when I said you were smiling. I can still perceive the corner of your lips turned upward."

"How shrewd of you." he commented, a wide grim painted on his face, and then he lowered his head to kiss her fiercely. Maria didn't stop him, but she didn't even kiss him back. She let him do as he pleased, unmoved and cold as a statue. Cross wondered with sadness if she had ever known the passion, if she had ever lost her composure. he asked to himself for the umpteenth time if he could be the man able to awaken her from that horrible calm. He hoped so, he had thought so the first time he had seen her, and yet there were moments when he doubted he could ever succeed.

He knew that even if he had pinned her down she wouldn't have opposed; even if he had begun to kiss her everywhere, even if he had undressed her rudely, she wouldn't have said one word of complain, she wouldn't have moved a muscle to stop or encourage him. She would have undergone it in silence feeling nothing. Oh, if there could have been a way to make her feel what he felt! Cross would have done everything to see a genuine laugher escape from her red lips, he would have surrendered the whole world to feel her shiver with passion, just for once, only once...

His Maria, his princess, his doll, that's how he had always thought of her, but was she really his? Had she ever belonged to someone? When he gazed into her blind eyes and lost himself in that deepness without end, he realized that she could never be own by anyone because she had never belonged to herself in the first place. It was painful, so painful that he just couldn't keep that thought for himself:

"You never thought of your life as something you could dispose of as you wish, didn't you?" he asked sadly.  
"I'm not like you, Marian," she answered with the same coldness of before, "I've never been that arrogant, but you compensate me with your selfishness. You claimed for yourself the right to dictate other people's life besides yours."

"Again with that story?" he sighed, "You will never forgive me, won't you?" he asked.

"You destroyed me, Marian, you cursed me and condemned me to this Hell. Do you think this is something one can forgive?".

"I saved you," he replied stubbornly, "otherwise you'd have died."

"You should have let me die." she declared and there was something definitive in her voice. Cross shivered at those words and the worst was that there was no rage in her, not even while she was accusing him; all he could perceive in her was a cold logic and indifference. Yes, she was accusing him, but he had the feeling that deep inside she didn't really care about what he had done to her and that was worse than anything else. Still, he replied the same: "I couldn't let you die," he said, "because you were beautiful, you were young, and you knew nothing of the world. I couldn't let you die before you could find out how wonderful life may be. I don't care if you hate me or if you want to kill me: I won't regret it. If I was to choose now, I'd do it again." He confessed with a solemnity which was extraneous to him.

Maria didn't care to answer back.

_In a secret palace, Rome, evening_

Leverrier turned around him his worried eyes feeling everything but at ease. It was always like this when he came to that place, the palace where every question could have been answered if only its owner would have liked to. The problem was that the man who lived there was jealous of his secrets and would never reveal them, but after so many years at his service the Commandant had gotten used to take into action orders that made no sense to him.

He was in the waiting room now, walking and walking on a precious carpet, unable to sit down and calm down himself. The more he read the diary of Christine Leverrier, the more he felt his doubts increasing: was he really doing the right thing? Why had that girl disappeared without leaving a single trace? Did something really right and holy exist? Not that he really cared about it, he didn't regret anything of what he had done until that moment, but he couldn't help but wonder. He hated to have doubts. Of course, if the owner of the palace had received him immediately, he wouldn't have been there torturing himself with his own anguishes, but he knew that he still had an hour or so of waiting before a butler would appear and say: "Monsieur Leverrier, you can enter."

The commandant knew that the man he had come to meet wasn't busy or something, he was just making him wait because he thought it appropriate and that was all. The time he had to pass in the waiting room had the aim to remind him _who _he was going to meet and how inferior he was to him. A sadistic habit, if you want my opinion, but if you're the Pope, well, then you can allow yourself to do more or less everything and no-one will have the courage to blame you. Indeed, it was the Pope himself that Leverrier had to meet.

Finally the butler entered the room and said the exact words he had expected him to say. The man quietly instructed the Commandant to follow him and Leverrier obeyed. Always the same words, the same scenes, since the first time he had come there twenty-five years before. He couldn't help but find the whole matter a bit ridiculous.

He finally entered a dark baroque room decorated in the Italian style of the seventeenth century. At the end of the room there was a golden throne and seated on it there was an old man. He must have been more or less seventy, Leverrier thought, but he seemed exactly the same of twenty-five years before. He had some more wrinkle, but for the rest he didn't look older than last time he had seen him, the Commandant observed. He bowed in front of his superior and waited for a response of any kind.

" Commandant Leverrier," the Pope ordered smiling gently, "can you imagine why you are here?"

"Because you called me, and I'm only a faithful servant of His Holiness." He answered, obedient.

"Oh, please, Malcolm!" the old man laughed in a low voice, "Why are you so formal? We're here to discus a very private matter, aren't we?" Leverrier nodded in response for he didn't trust his voice.

"Have you get rid of Allen Walker already?" The Pope asked.

"His Holiness, I understand you're worried about that boy, but he's one of the Hearts, I can't kill him! If I do, we'll have no chance against the enemy!" He protested, but the old man made an annoyed gesture to order him to be quiet:

"That's no true and you, as my faithful Commandant, should know this. God won't let us loose, don't worry, but we have to eliminate the dangerous elements." He said with decision and Leverrier had no choice but to lower his head even more, symbolizing submission.

"Besides this, aren't you forgetting something, Malcolm?" the Pope added after a brief silence, the quiet smile shining on his face once more. Leverrier stiffened: he knew this moment would have come.

"There is a pact between your family and the Order, don't forget. Every woman born in the Leverrier family will be given to the Order as soon as she becomes eighteen. How old is your daughter now, Malcolm?" the old man asked with a smile of fake gentleness.

"Seventeen." The other answered with a faint voice while he kept on staring at the pavement of cosmatesco marble.

"Oh, so she has just some months still and then her moment will come."

"Yes." Was all the Commandant was able to say. He wanted to add something, but it was as if he had something struck in his throat which was strangling him.

"But you know we can avoid this if you were so gentle as to eliminate a dangerous element for the peace we're trying to reach."

"I know His Holiness and his generosity." Leverrier said, but his voice trembled as he was pronouncing the last word. He was sweating hard and he felt something like anger rising inside him, anger towards the man his family had swore loyalty to! Unthinkable. There was no way he would have broken an ancient oath, but he also didn't want to sacrifice his young daughter! He had seen her when she had just born; he had heard her when she had pronounced the word "dad" for the first time, her first word; he had seen her smiling at him when she was just an innocent baby and heard her light laugher; he had seen her growing and becoming a beautiful young woman; he had comforted her when she had cried because mother had disappeared, and now he had to betray her and give her up to death?

Can exist something worse for a father than to know that he has to sacrifice his daughter for the sake of the people he has to protect? Now Leverrier knew how Agamemnon felt when he was asked to kill Iphigenia by the oracle of Delphi. He knew and he would have liked to never known such a horrible thing.

He had swore, he had swore to serve the Black Order to protect humanity and the life of his daughter was part of that oath, a means through which they would be able to save more people from the Millennium Earl, but how could he swear to protect the world if he couldn't protect his own family? Was the world worth the sacrifice of his beloved ones? Leverrier wondered, but there was no answer to that question, no solution he could grasp. New questions, instead, came into his mind:

Was the Order really able to save the world?

In all honesty, Leverrier didn't care what means the Pope was going to use if they would guarantee success, but if the result was uncertain then things changed. He didn't want to sacrifice what was dear to him for nothing, he didn't want to loose anything to an hopeless cause. He was the kind of person who acts only when they have a reason to do so, one of those people who don't do anything for nothing and he was fine like this. He had never wished to be a better person as his dear subordinate Link did; he just thought that this was the best he could be in that kind of world and he didn't wish for anyone to pity him, or to forgive him. Redemption held no meaning to him, for he never regretted anything.

Meanwhile, the Pope had started laughing merrily: "You're always so obedient, Commandant Leverrier! It's a pleasure to speak with you." He declared and the French man bit his tongue not to remind to his superior that he had been the only one talking while Leverrier had just nodded in agreement.

"You can go now," the Pope ordered, his blue eyes sending lightings of intelligence, "but make sure that Allen Walker won't be able to harm us. Better, wait for my instruction: I'll personally plan something about this delicate matter." The old man added. Leverrier could do nothing, but bow and left the luxurious palace. He just wanted to get away from there as soon as possible and to keep on reading the diary of Christine.

_From the diary of Christine Leverrier…_

_April 20__th__, 1743_

_Today a mysterious man arrived at the Manor who claimed to be Lord Cheryl's nephew and Road's cousin. Can you imagine who is he? The terrible Amatus, obviously! Yes, the same Amatus Lady Lulubell and Lord Cheryl were secretly speaking about some day ago and that's not all: you won't believe me, but he's very young and beautiful too. _

_I wonder why do all the members of this family be terribly charming in a way or another (be it because of their physical appearance or because of their charisma), this fact alone would be enough to make them look suspicious and I now understand the reason why my father and his Order of madmen fear them. They're powerful, far more powerful than any other noble family can expect to be and that's because their influence isn't due just to their social position. There is something else in all of them, something indefinable and yet overwhelming that conquers people. _

_Returning to Amatus, I guess you yearn to hear more about him. There is not much to say: this morning, when I descended for breakfast, he was already there with the other members of the family and the atmosphere surrounding them was very tense. Anyway, as I entered in the room they all smiled widely and Road graciously introduced me to her cousin. _

_He's a veeeery beautiful man of twenty with blond hair and blue eyes, just like me, but what makes him irresistible are the angelic innocence, the purity, painted on his face and his smile! When he bowed and smiled to me I believed that Heaven's door had been opened and that an angel had descended among us mortals. His eyes are clear and wide as those of a child, deprived of any shadow of deceive or guile, and his smile is so warm, so beautiful, that makes him shine as if he was something more than a common human being, something that I never believed could exist in this word. His manners were perfect as well and his voice very pleasant, it remembered me of the roar of a cascade for it has the same intensity, the same force and the same genuine freshness. I'm sorry if my description seems extravagant, but I really am at loss of words, there are no human's expressions apt to define him._

_Why have all the members of this family be this astonishing beautiful? And how can someone demand that a girl in the bloom of her youth as I am should remain unmoved by such a show? Impossible. And indeed I didn't look at anyone but him for all the morning, unable to take my eyes off. At the beginning I thought that Amatus was a strange name, especially for a man, but now I must admit that it's completely justified in his case (Author:"Amatus" in latin means "beloved". It's ironical for him to have such a name considering that he's the disciple of hate ). _

_Like Lord Tyki Mikk, Mr Amatus possess a charm that goes beyond the physical appearance, but though they're the most beautiful men I've ever seen, they're very different from each other. Lord Tyki Mikk is fascinating, gorgeous, his presence contaminates you as a poison and captures you, seduces you, so that you can't help but love him. Sensuality escapes from every word of his tempting lips, from every pose of his, his smiles evokes confidence and arrogance, his voice makes a woman's blood run cold inside her veins. _

_Mr Amatus instead seems innocent and pure. It's not his charm that makes him handsome, his beauty resides in his perfect features, in the kindness of his voice, in the warmth of his smiles, in the purity reflected in his clear eyes. If I can say that Lord Tyki incarnates the fascination of evil, then Mr Amatus is the reassurance of goodness. An angel and a devil. How can these two be related by blood? It's one of the mysteries of life, I suppose. _

_Anyway, let's abandon my stupid metaphors. I need to return to the facts. _

_When Road introduced him to me calling him Amatus, a ring belled in my mind and yet I couldn't believe that beautiful young and the troublesome man Lady Lulubell feared to be the same person. The information I had of the two just didn't coincide, the angel in front of me looked the opposite of how I'd imagined Amatus to be. _

_Still, of course, that was only the first impression, and one should never trust the first impression. So, when he asked me to accompany him for a walk in the Manor's gardens I gratefully accepted both because he was handsome and because I was curious. _

_You must think that during that walk I found out something terrible about this mysterious man, something that would justify Lady Lulubell's fears, but I didn't. Honestly, I didn't find anything suspicious about him; instead I discovered we have a passion in common: the love for the roses of every form and shape. My personal favourites are the blue roses, while he prefers white ones. It seemed weird to me to talk with a man, a stranger, about flowers, but I have to admit that it's been pleasant and he seems a very agreeable person, kind and ready to listen to others. I like him a lot and I hope so much we'll become close friends soon! Maybe even something more than friends, I'd like to add, but I must not forget the reason why I'm here in England, and at Kamelot's Manor in the first place. I must remember that I'm not here to seek for a husband, but to clear all suspicions upon Road's family. _

_Dear goodness, I said it as if it's an easy task! Well, in the case you misunderstood, it is NOT an easy job, not at all! It's a real Hell: everyone is so gentle towards me that I feel like a traitor to spy on them, I feel as if I was stabbing them at their back. And yet I'm not, I'm doing my best to help them instead, am I not? Don't you agree with me, my diary? I'm helping them, right? _

_I should stop once for all with this mental mess, I should just do what my father ordered me to, but I can't stop wondering if what I'm doing is right or wrong. I'd like to cry out "who cares?" and yet I don't, I can't, I won't! I DO CARE for my acting to be rightful in front of me and God and it's not enough for me to know that these are my father's orders. Who cares from where the orders come if they're wrong? _

_But are they really wrong, or not? Which side I should line up with? I wonder. _

_Abandoning my mental crap and returning to Amatus, I don't have anything more to say about him for he had affairs to look after in the afternoon and I didn't had the chance to meet him, but I'll surely see him again in the next days and he will surely attend to the ball! I'm so excited…_

_My battle plan for the future now consist in asking some information about Amatus and Tiky to Road and to wait for what will happen next. It's not such a great battle plan, I have to admit it, but it's still better than nothing, right? _

_Christine Leverrier_

_April 21__st__, 1743_

_Dear diary, _

_this morning I spoke with Road about the matter I introduced last time. Road was doing her piano exercises and the two of us were alone in the room, so I took advantage of the situation to ask her something about her gorgeous uncle and her awesome cousin. _

_I began the conversation casually asking if they often return to Kamelot Manor. You'll be wondering why I used such caution. It's not that I fear her to suspect the real reason I'm here, but I didn't want her to believe I have some interest in her relatives: I don't want her to think of me as one of those low class women who go searching for a rich husband! _

_So I started the conversation with a question I believed to be innocent and reasonable enough, but she made a fool out of me, literally, for she smiled knowingly and asked:_

"_You already are in love wit them, aren't you?" she asked with sparkling eyes and can you imagine how did I react? Since I am an idiot, I blushed. Good Lord, Christine, you could have done or said one thousand things, so why did you blushed as little girl facing her first crush? Because I am an idiot, of course. _

_Anyway, immediately after I blushed, Road started to chuckle, entertained by my embarrassment. The worst part is that I couldn't blame her for I'd have done the same if I was at her place! Still, she said something of the kind:_

" _Don't worry, my dear Christine, it's just natural, everyone falls in love with them, both women and men! It's almost embarrassing to have people like them as relatives: no-one ever notice me though I'm not half bad!"_

" _What are you saying?" I immediately replied with courtesy, "It would be impossible not to notice you! You are always in the middle of people's attention."_

" _Not when they're present." She sighed as if she thought she had no chances against those two, " But I'm fine with that because I love them both very dearly, especially Tiky. Who do you prefer instead?" She asked me shamelessly.  
Now: it's true I like Road very much; it's true that she's probably my best friend, but sometimes I really think she is too straightforward. We are in the eighteenth century, it's true, but it still exist some moral! Where have the secret lovers gone? What's about romanticism? Still, I managed to answer to her, somehow, but all which came out from my mouth was a: "I still don't know them well, I don't know what to say… I'll tell you as soon as I have an idea, right?"_

_Road seemed satisfied with my promise (thanks God! She can be very nosey sometimes…) and closed the conversation assuring me that: "she would have been very happy if I ended up marrying one of them". _

_It's useless to confess, my good diary, that I felt very relieved thanks to her words. I don't have to worry about her disliking me for flirting with Tiky or Amatus: that's sure a relief and it will help me a lot with my inquiry as well. I need freedom for acting! _

_Still, the most interesting part of the day didn't took place this morning, but in the afternoon. It was a sunny day and since Road was busy with her lessons I decided to spend some time occupying myself with my favourite pastime, which means wandering in the big gardens of Kamelot Manor. This is where I met Mr Amatus. He was shining, as always, the light of the sun falling gently on his golden hair making him even more astonishing than he usually is. _

_He greeted me with the cheerful kindness which is one of his main characteristic and we started walking together and talking. We spoke about English literature and I have to admit that it was a very interesting argument though I don't know much about the matter. Most of all we debated about Shakespeare. We absolutely don't agree about which among the Shakespearian tragedies is the best. I think the Othello is absolutely the most intriguing, but he kept on speaking of Richard the Third. _

"_There is too much blood and hate in that tragedy." I told him, but he immediately replied:_

"_Too much blood and hate? Isn't the Othello the same? The jealousy, the suspicions and Iago's hate take the main character to strangle his own wife! Isn't this the most terrible proof of the power of hate?"_

"_It is, but it also shows that innocence always wins at the end: Desdemona's purity is proved and…"_

"_And they all end up dead and happy," he interrupted me, " is this that you wanted to say?" he mocked me with kindness, but I replied angrily:_

"_No, they surely are not happy but they're still innocent! Richard never was good; there are no innocent characters in Richard III!"_

" _And Othello is innocent instead to your eyes? He, who killed his wife refusing to hear her prayers?" he asked with curiosity._

"_But he was fooled and he recognizes the truth at the end! Only his body is guilty of the crime, his soul was saved the moment he killed himself." I answered. Mr Amatus looked at me with a funny look in his eyes. He seemed so strange to me in that moment, but I have to confess that even then he was unnaturally beautiful, so much that it took my breath away._

_Not even on__ the comedies we could find an agreement: he prefers "A midsummer night's dream" while I think the "Twelfth night" is better. _

_We argued a lot, but the atmosphere was never tense between us and he was always so pleasant, even when he didn't agree with me, that I just couldn't help falling in live with him. The passion he shows when he speaks enlightens his eyes in a charming way and every word he pronounces proves his intelligence and his education. He's adorable, just adorable. If Road was to ask me now, I wouldn't have any doubt about who's best between him and Lord Tiky. _

_You know why? If Lord Tiky had invited me to walk with him in the gardens I would probably accepted, but I would have been frightened the whole time by his seductive manners, by his imprudence, his self-confidence, while with Mr Amatus it felt just natural, as if he was an old friend. His beauty doesn't make you feel uneasy as Lord Tiky's does. Mr Amatus is not frightening, he's not scary, and he makes you feel safe instead. Something I didn't feel since a long time. _

_You know, my good diary? I think I can love him. I know that it may sound awkward since I've known him for only two days it's undeniably true: I can love him._

_Confusingly yours, _

_Christine Leverrier_

_**Author's notes—**_**Tragedy against comedy**

**In this author's notes**** I wanted to speak about the choice of the Shakespearian works Christine and Amatus argued on. I didn't choose them by chance. There is a reason if Christine loves the Othello and Amatus Richard III. There is a meaning hidden in their choice. Try to find it and send me a review or an e-mail with your supposition! I'm so curious to hear your opinion… Still I felt vey uneasy while writing that part because I still hadn't read all Richard III (though I've read all the others I've spoken about and many others) and I fear I wrote something which is not correct about that play. **

**Concerning the link of my blog, instead… I found it's impossible to read the link, so I posted my drawings on ****DEVIANTART! **

**Please, go seeing them: my nick is "ErisMalloy". I'll try to post new pictures at every chapter, so please, go seeing them! Here I post the link (WHICH I'LL POST ON MY PROFILE AS WELL):**

**.com/**

**Till now I've posted a picture of Cassandra, one of Angel's face, and one of Sara.**

_**REVIEW!**_

**Goodnight to you all…**

**Eris92**


	30. Chapter 30 Echoes of memories

**Hi, readers! Here we are with chapter XXX! Yes, you've heard well, we already are at chapter thirty and it's almost an year I've been writing this fic… I must confess I'm a bit tired, but I've no intention to abandon this story until it's finished. **

**Now, to celebrate the XXX chapter, this update will be entirely dedicated to Christine's diary. This chapter is more or less an omake which will divide the story in two parts: after this, things will start to get pretty serious and the final part of the story will began where will find out the truth about Kanda, Cassandra, the fourteenth, the Earl, Leverrier and all the others… finally…**

**Anyway, I had a lot of fun writing this chapter: Christine, Amatus and Tiky together. Can you imagine what can come out of this? XD**

**DISCLAIMER : I obviously don't own DGM, only Christine is, in part, a creation of mine. If I did own DGM, the Noahs would have been the good ones and all the characters would have played together at a new joke: "Kill Lenalee without Komui finding out who it was". ( I just hate her…^^''') **

_**CHAPTER XXX- **_**ECHOES OF MEMORY**

April 25th, 1743

I know my diary, I haven't been writing in a while, and I'm deeply sorry for this, believe me, but so many things have happened in these last four days that I really didn't have nor the will nor the strength to write and describe everything. Don't worry, nothing terrible has happened, I just had the chance to get closer to Mr Amatus and I didn't want to miss the chance. I am childish, am I not? But he is that interesting, he is so… there are no words to describe him properly, he is just a dream. He is a fairytale prince. I want him to be mine. I can't be fine with no-one else now that I know him.

But let's go in order: in these last four days I often had the chance to stay alone with him, to walk with him, to debate with him about social problems, or literature, or music and I get to know him better. Guess what? He's even better than I could ever dream; though our taste in music is completely different as in everything else (he loves Bach while I hold an undying love for Vivaldi). Even for what concerns art we can't agree on a single thing: how can he have a preference for the gloomy works of Caravaggio when there are masterpieces as those of Tiziano or Andrea del Sarto? Sometimes I really don't understand him, and it's not unusual for us to argue for hours, but at the end we always end up smiling at each other and forgiving everything to the other. He's just too beautiful and gentle for me to hate him even if he has such dark tastes.

Lately we're spending a lot of time together and, though I'm deeply happy of this, I fear road is feeling abandoned because today she made fun of me asking if I had already forgotten Lord Tiky. Honestly, I haven't and I'm a bit scared. Tomorrow is the day of the so long whished ball at Kamelot Manor and Lord Tiky will be there as well, of course. Now I seem so sure about liking Mr Amatus, but I haven't forgotten the effect Lord Tiky has on me and I'm scared at the idea of meeting him again. A part of me wishes to see him so much that my heart almost hurts for the longing, but the other part of me is frightened to death at the thought that he'll be staring at me with that golden eyes of his. Oh, dear God, I don't know what to do! I feel so weak… as if I'm a mere victim of the charm of these two.

Well, it's not completely so, I don't feel a victim when I'm with Mr Amatus, but with Lord Tiky Mikk is another matter, completely another matter. When I'm with him I don't understand anything anymore, I just can't resist and I can't do anything about it. That's why when Mr Amatus invited me to be his partner at the ball I accepted immediately. I would like if I said that I acted so because of Tiky but it's also true that an angel should be able to keep a demon away, shouldn't he? So I hope that Mr Amatus will be my antidote to Lord Tiky's charm. Sorry Road, but I'm not strong enough to deal with your gorgeous uncle.

Still this evening something strange happened. To tell the truth, everything started this morning when Road declared that Lord Tiky was going to come. I was speaking with Mr Amatus then, but when Road made the announcement I couldn't help but be distracted from him and ask a few questions of courtesy about the demon's health and this sort of things. Road gave me a lot of details as if she believed that they would interest me very much (actually they DID INTEREST me very much, but anyway…)and Mr Amatus suddenly got very cold with me from a moment to another. It was strange, but since he left us a few minutes later I didn't pay too much attention to it, I only mention it here because this evening something even stranger happened.

When I returned to my room, after dinner, I found a bunch of blue roses waiting for me. On them there was a card which reported three words:

"You are mine."

That was all. I have been wondering about it since then and I still don't know who sent them to me. The most plausible answer is that Amatus sent them to me because he got jealous after hearing Road speaking of Lord Tiky to me (after all he's the only one knowing that blue roses are my favourite), but it seems an act so out of character from him… I never thought him to be the type who sent such possessive and threatening messages. He's always been more the kind and affectionate type, the one who consoles you when you're sad and makes you laugh with jokes. That's how Amatus is. I can't recognize him in such an act.

And, despite this, this message terrified me a lot and it would scare me even more if it came from him. I mean, I have always joked around with men, but I never allowed no-one to say such things as "you're mine". I don't belong to no-one, I never wanted to, the idea of being seriously tied to someone frightens me more than anything else. Belonging to someone for all my life? Not me, thanks. I know that I shouldn't say such a thing, a good marriage should be everything a girl of my age may ask for, but I can't lie to myself this much. I don't want to belong to no-one. I want them to belong to me, to be my slaves, but I will always belong to myself only. If Mr Amatus thinks that he's won me over, well, he's deadly wrong and I'll have to put an end to our relationship/friendship or whatever it is. It would hurt me immensely to cut all the ties with him, but I'll do it if he obliges me to.

Still, I'll wait the ball of tomorrow before deciding anything. And tomorrow I'll have to face Lord Tiky. May I admit it once more? I'm scared.

Christine Leverrier

27th April, 1743

Yesterday the ball, finally, and so many things happened! Oh diary, I really don't know since where should I start speaking, I felt so confused and so troubled. I discovered horrible things, things I'd have hoped to never find out, never! Oh, I'm that shocked, and yet I have to regain my composure and describe everything as it happened. I'm betting my sanity on this!

As I said, yesterday I went to the ball with Amatus. I hadn't forget at all the accident of the roses, still I chose to act as if nothing had happened since I couldn't be completely sure that the guilty one was Mr Amatus. I wore the blue dress I had already spoken about some day ago and – I say this without vanity- I looked really beautiful. Not even Road could compete with me with her nice gothic dress. For the first time I thought that maybe I was worth of walking beside Mr Amatus. He was sparkling, ethereally beautiful as always, and the expression on his face was so kind: he was smiling widely as if it made him really happy to have me at his side.

We headed towards the ball room (we're a bit late, but anyway…) and we found it already full of people. I knew some of the noblemen and noblewomen so I spent the first hour of the party greeting them along with my wonderful partner, feeling wonderfully under the envious gazes of the ladies, but then something attracted my attention. I was dancing with Mr Amatus (we're at a ball after all) when I noticed a familiar figure in the opposite side of the room. Can you imagine who it was? It was Lord Tiky Mikk, obviously. He was gorgeous, even better than how I remembered. We're very distant and yet I could notice every feature of his face, even the mole under his left eye and his golden eyes… They sparkle in the distance as nothing else.

It was then that our gazes met for a second and his eyes widened for a moment in surprise and annoyance. I figured that he had to be jealous seeing me dancing with another man and I expected him to come near us and try to bring me away from Mr Amatus, but he didn't anything like that. He just turned and showed me his back. I mean, he IGNORED me! How could he be that rude towards me after everything he wrote to me the day of his departure? Didn't he say that he was anxious to spend some time with me? So why was he ignoring me!

I felt very offended by his rude behaviour and I decided to ignore him for the rest of the ball as a punishment. Yes, I wasn't going to reserve him a single glance for the whole day! That's what I said to myself, but you know that I'm such a liar… And infact I wasn't able to keep my promise for not even ten minutes and a few moments later my eyes were already searching for him at the top of Mr Amatus' shoulder as we're dancing. It would have been so much better if I had kept on ignoring him, but I just couldn't. Don't worry, my diary, I was severely punished for my weakness since I had to witness to his attempts to seduce almost every woman in the room. The worst part is that he succeeded wonderfully in his perverted plan and whenever he did go, girls and women followed him as a shadow. A very interfering shadow, I have to say.

I felt very insulted in my pride as a woman. In that moment I understood that for him I was like them: he had been only joking with me, nothing more. In that moment I hated him as I had never hated no-one in my whole life. Still, I couldn't let it go, I wanted to speak with him, to shout right on his face my indignation, my hate for him. Only if I had done it I could have felt fine with my conscience and my pride. If I had acted this way then I would have proved to him and to myself that I wasn't like those other women, that I was free from his spell.

I wanted so much to go to him and speak the truth, so much that it hurt in an almost physical way. Still I couldn't do it in front of Mr Amatus: it would have been embarrassing and rude, almost offensive, to act that way when he was present. So, when Mr Amatus left me for a moment to kindly take a drink for me, I took advantage of the situation and I went searching for Lord Tiky Mikk. I found him and, good Lord, I wish so much I hadn't! He was speaking with another man behind a curtain and he was… he was blackmailing him! (Author: you did believe something nasty was happening, didn't you? XD)

Thankfully, I stopped as soon as I heard his irresistible voice. Can you imagine the embarrassment and the dangers I would run if I had found out I was there? Still, I heard everything he said:

" Are you sure of what you've just said, Mr?" Lord Tyki was asking with threatening gentleness, "Think carefully before giving me an answer. I saw your daughter the other day, she's such a beauty… It would be really sad if something happened to her… especially if she was to die or, may this never happen, if her reputation was ruined…" he suggested, his words more poisonous than a snake's bite. I was shocked. I had believed Lord Tyki to be a womanizer, a danger for every woman, but not THIS! I never expected him to be a criminal, an hateful blackmailer! I wanted to run away and so I did, I left that horrible place feeling somehow dirty, contaminated by the scene I had witnessed to.

While I was escaping, I ran into Mr Amatus who was searching for me with our drinks. It was such a relief to have his angelic figure in front of me that I was tempted to cry, but I resisted stoically. I apologized for having disappeared saying that I had believed to have recognized a dear friend of the past. It wasn't a real lie after all. Still Mr Amatus, being the kind man he is, noticed that I was shocked and tried to reassure me with his gentle words, but there was nothing he could do to stop the anguish and the fear that was devouring me from the inside. For a moment I thought that I had to write to my father and tell him what had happened but then I reflected and I understood that it would have been meaningless. I hadn't heard why Lord Tyki was blackmailing that man, nor did I know who the man was so where was the point in telling this to my father? I would have surely avenged my hurt pride causing troubles to that womanizer, but I would also put Road's innocent family in the fire-line and that was the last thing I wanted. Really. So at the end I decided to do nothing for the moment and I regained part of my usual composure, to Mr Amatus' relief.

The music started once again and we danced for a while. Mr Amatus' presence calmed me, relaxed me, as it always does, an for a moment I could believe that maybe, just maybe, the day hadn't completely gone to waste. But it was just an illusion: of course the day was ruined! And the proof of that came after an half an hour. From the other side of the room, Lord Tyki Mikk looked in our direction and our eyes met once again. This time he didn't ignore me, but I could see his eyes wide in surprise and something similar to worry. What was he shocked about? He had already seen me and Mr Amatus together, hadn't he? So what was with that sudden behaviour?

I saw him making apologizes to the man he was talking to and then he came towards me and Mr Amatus, his expression tensed as he was forcing himself to smile. My partner noticed him coming and we stopped dancing. Lod Tyki bowed in front of me with chivalry, his golden eyes fixed on me, and said: "Good evening, Miss Leverrier. You're especially charming today. That shade of blue surely suits you more than any jewels. It makes you shine of your own wonderful light."

I answered with a very cold "Thank you" at his compliments, but my voice couldn't help but tremble slightly. His deep voice, his gaze, the way he carried himself… It's just impossible not to be affected by him, no matter how much you can hate him, his charm is not something you can forget.

After having greeted me, he turned towards his nephew and smiled friendly: "Amatus, you've finally become a man!" he said and he forced himself to look sincere, but it was evident that they weren't in good terms. Infact my partner stiffened and had a much tensed expression on his beautiful face. His mouth twisted forcefully in a grimace as if Lord Tyki had said a not very funny witty remark.

"Lord Tyki Mikk." He replied simply. I could almost see his muscles contracted under his suit for the tension and I wondered what kind of story there was behind their unusual behaviour. Anyway, Lord Tyki didn't give up but kept on saying a lot of sentences of circumstance to which Mr Amatus replied with monosyllables. At the end the womanizer looked down at me and asked me to dance.

It was obvious that he had come just for it, but I was suspicious and deluded by him so I refused firmly without a second thought: "I'm sorry," I lied, "but I promised to Mr Amatus that I would dance only with him this evening." I smiled politely. Truth to be told, I remembered far too well the way Tyki had flirted with almost all the women of the room and I didn't want to become one of his many preys. Besides this, I was frightened of dancing alone with him for I knew that his mere presence has terrible effects on me.

I looked up to Mr Amatus, as if I was searching a confirm from him, and I found him smiling widely in a nasty way to Lord Tyki. It was as if he was saying: _"I've won"_. It surprised me. I didn't believe that angel to be able of such a horrible expression, but what startled me more was his uncle's reaction: he just smiled warmly with a sort of satisfaction, but I could guess a worried light at the bottom of his eyes:

"I understand," he said to me, "It was very generous from your part. Then may I ask you to exchange a few words with you in private?" His voice was kinder than usual, but I shivered the same: I was terrified at the idea of speaking alone with him. What if he had found out that I had heard him blackmailing someone before? What if…? Three thousands questions were in my head leaving me unable to formulate a coherent answer. It was here that Mr Amatus intervened.

"She said she doesn't want to," my blond angel declared, "go somewhere else, she's mine." He said with a possessive tone. If he had embraced me tightly in front of everyone he couldn't have made it cleared that he thought of me as his property. It scared me. It scared me to no end and I suddenly felt the urge to escape from him. I would have done everything to go away from Mr Amatus in that moment.

"I think exchanging some words is fine." I said hesitant and smiled at my partner reassuringly while I was leaving with Lord Tyki. We didn't go far anyway, for we just stopped in another corner of the room and seated on some adorable carved chairs. The womanizer had a confident, happy grim on his lips and suddenly exploded laughing: "Poor Amatus, he still has much to learn! He would have won if he hadn't said those last words!"

"If you think of me as a joke then I'll just leave, right now." I replied coldly. I felt deeply insulted.

"No, please, don't go!" he replied seriously, "It's just that I had never realized before how much do you fear to belong to someone." He smiled and I was tempted to forgive him everything just for that smile, a sincere smile finally.

"It's strange that you've noticed since you've seen me only three times." I replied trying to remain cold and failing.

"Four times." He corrected me.

"And when was the fourth?" I asked curiously.

"You didn't see me, but I saw you. Do you remember the note I left for you when I departed?"

"Yes?" I asked fearing what would have come next.

"Well, who did you thought had left it on your bedside table?" He asked with a malicious grim.

"You?" I yelled, "You entered in my bedroom as I was sleeping? How could you…" I raged. I felt so ashamed and angry that it's hard to express it into words.

"No need to be worried. Your face is adorable while you're sleeping, and I just left the note and went away." He apologized

"Why should I believe you?" I hissed trough gritted teeth.

"If I had done something you'd have noticed, believe me." He answered with malice, a seductive smirk on his perfect lips. I blushed and remained silent for the embarrassment and the anger. I wanted to return to Mr Amatus, even if that meant that I would have had to clarify the "you're mine" matter, I didn't care, I just wanted to be far away from Lord Tyki.

" What do you want from me?" I asked at last, still terribly angry. His expression turned serious all of a sudden. I'd never seen him that way before and I must confess that it really took my breath away how his usually playful gaze could become intense, how frowning could make him look more mature, almost trustworthy. Almost.

" I know it's none of my business, but I want to tell you something about my nephew."

" Then speak, I pry you." I challenged him and he hesitated.

" It seemed to me that you and Amatus are pretty close," he began, "that's why I felt it's my duty to advise you: he is dangerous. Normally he seems a normal person, a perfect gentleman, but that's just a mask which hides his real nature. He's dangerous, Miss Leverrier, believe me." He repeated.

"On which basis do you say this?" I asked coldly. I didn't believe a word of what he had said. To me it seemed obvious that he was lying to separate me and Mr Amatus. I didn't trust Lord Tyki at all. I mean: how could I believe anything ill about my precious friend? I just couldn't.

"I say this because I know him," Lord Tyki replied with impatience, "I can't reveal you in which occasions he proved not to be a… trustworthy person, but please, listen to me, it's not safe to be near him."

"And so? What do you mean by this, Lord?" I asked again, pretending that I couldn't understand him. He sighed with annoyance:

"I mean that you shouldn't hung out with him. You shouldn't dedicate so much of your time to him, you shouldn't make him believe hat he's important to you. In other words, you shouldn't be close with him." He said quickly.

"And are you going to suggest me someone else with whom I should spend my time instead?" I replied with cruel sarcasm. I was too angry to be polite.

" Well, this wasn't my intention," he began, "but it would please me infinitively to accompany you wherever you want." He answered with an irresistible smile, but I had reached my limit. I couldn't bear another word from him and his falsehood. He disgusted me though all his handsomeness.

"You're the worst." I told him and his eyes widened in shock at my words, "Only the most infamous rascal would insult his nephew at his back as you're doing now. Don't you feel ashamed of yourself?" I said with fury, but he kept on looking at me as if he couldn't understand my words. "You," I continued, "you accuse Mr Amatus in front of me without proofs, you try to convince me that he's dangerous, that it's not safe to be near him, but who are you to say such things? You, a womanizer and a blackmailer!".

That's it. I said it.

It was the last thing I should have ever brought out and instead I shouted it at his face. It's all due to my impulsive nature, it has always caused me troubles, but I just can't help it: when I'm angry I always speak the truth. As soon as the word "blackmailer" escaped from my lips, Lord Tyki frowned and half-closed his eyes in suspect.

"I heard you before, threatening some poor guest, and it was disgusting. You are disgusting!" I told him trying not to shout. He stiffened and for a moment I thought he was going to hit me (his golden eyes seemed even more unnatural than the usual, they terrified me), then he smirked and returned almost natural though his pose remained very rigid:

"If those are the facts, I imagine you can't have a good opinion of me and that you won't ever listen to me, no matter what I say." he declared defeated, "But let me say one last thing, even if you won't believe me: I acted as I did only in your interest, because you're a precious guest to Road. I don't know what you thought of me for having spoken of Amatus as I did nor do I care, but I ask you to be as indulgent as not to call me a "blackmailer". It was very rude from your part." He said with apparent calm, but under his measured words and movements I could perceive the dangerous emotions that were shaking him. Still I answered:

" Technically, it's what you did. You were blackmailing that man. Or would you dare to deny it?" I challenged him once more. Something inside me advised me that he was very dangerous in that moment, that I should have been careful, and yet I couldn't hold back: even if I was scared to death, insulting him gave me a strange excitement. It was as if I was trying to wake up a sleeping lion: it was dangerous, but also exciting. I couldn't renounce to it. But Lord Tyki managed to keep his calm mask:

"Technically yes, I was… blackmailing that man, but from the ethic point I dare to differ from your opinion, Miss Leverrier."

"So?" I asked, " How are you going to justify yourself?"

"I have nothing to justify in front of you," he clarified, " I'll just say that everyone has his duties towards his family, isn't that right Miss Leverrier?" I stiffed at his words, for the first time I was really terrified.

"Everyone has to do his best to help his own family. I'm just helping mine and I don't care about what a naïve girl as you may think of my methods." He said with disdain, looking at me as if I was something disgusting that had stuck to the sole of his shoe. My indignation covered my fear and I felt the rage rising inside me once again:

"I'm fine with this. Now, Lord Tyki, I imagine we have nothing more to say to each other. I'll give to your advice the respect it deserves. With your permission…" I excused myself and left him there, seated alone on the chair, but as I was escaping from him I could still feel his eyes focused on my trembling silhouette. Somehow, I reached Mr Amatus once again and the rest of the night went on without other shocks, but the day had been irremediably ruined by that demon.

I couldn't forget the way he had looked at me as he was saying: "Everyone has his duties towards his family, isn't that right, Miss Leverrier?" In that moment I believed I was dying. I believed he had found out the reason why I'm here in England, I believed I was going to die! I was terrified, I still am, but the more I think about our little argument, the more I feel strange. The problem is that no matter what happens, I can't imagine Lord Tyki to be a liar. Of course he's a womanizer, he's a blackmailer and many other things, but I can't think of him as a treacherous person. I don't know how to put it in words, but the point is: he's not a good person, but I can't think him to be bad either. And this isn't because he is handsome: it's something about his eyes, something about the way he looks at me in the eyes. He's not a liar. He's many things, but not a liar. He just doesn't fit with that adjective.

And though I'm sure I was right, I felt bad after that argument. When I returned to my room, I cried for the rest of the night and I don't even know why. I just felt so bad… The cold way he had looked at me was so cool, so horrible, it sent me chills down my spine. And the worst part is that I still feel so bad, as if I have stabbed someone. But I only said what I think, I just said the truth! Then why do I feel so horrible?

I'm so confused…

Yesterday night, when I returned to Mr Amatus, I tried to look normal, but he surely noticed that there was something wrong tough he said nothing. It was better like this, I wouldn't have the strength to argue with him too and since I talked with Lord Tyki I couldn't be at ease around that blonde angel. Even if I don't believe to his uncle, I still feel the need to be on my guard around him. I'm afraid. I doubt. I don't know what to think. I would like to ask Road for a suggestion, but I simply can't since I'm speaking about her uncle and her cousin!

What should I do, my diary? What's the right thing to do? Is there something I should do?

Christine Leverrier

29th April, 1743

I'm back, my diary, I'm finally back from a day a thought I wouldn't have survived to! Honestly, I'm not exaggerating; I really believed that I would have died today. The tension, the sadness and the delusion were just too much to bear.

Everything began yesterday evening, when Lord Cheryl declared that the day after (in other words today) he'd have hosted some important people of the political world. He preannounced us that the atmosphere at the Manor would have probably become very tense, and he suggested us to leave for an excursion in the country and have a picnic. Everyone thought it to be a wonderful idea except two persons. Can you imagine who they were? Me and Lord Tyki obviously.

Since the day of the ball we hadn't exchanged other words but those strictly requested by courtesy and none of us were enthusiastic of being obliged to spend a whole day together. We weren't going to be alone, of course, but still the prospect of having his annoying figure under my eyes all the day was enough to make me desire I was sick. A fever would have been perfect, it would have spared me the pathetic show that me, lord Tyki an d Amatus offered to Road and Lady Lulubell this afternoon.

Anyway, I didn't get any fever, though I tried the impossible to have it, and courtesy obliged me to follow the others on their journey. We left the Manor at nine in the morning and we got into the carriage that would have taken us to the designed place for the picnic. The journey took us almost all the morning, but it wouldn't have been that bad if I didn't happen to have to take seat between Mr Amatus and lord Tyki while Road and lady Lulubell were seated in front of us. Really, I have no idea of how it ended up like this, but it's a matter of fact that I spent the whole morning between a sulking Tyki and an adoring Mr Amatus. I mean: what's so wrong with me? Do you hate me, God? Why did you put me in that situation? You were having fun of me, weren't you?

Still, the journey would have been bearable if Mr Amatus had stopped complimenting me for one, single, moment. Your hair are so beautiful and shining, Miss Leverrier, he began, You're even more beautiful than usual in This colour, it suits you wonderfully, he continued noticing my dress of pale pink silk which I dearly hate, and he kept on saying this kind of things the whole morning.

Now, you know that I'm a vain woman, a very vain woman, but it was too much even for me and I had to use all my self-control not to shout at him to stop it. If this was my reaction, you may easily imagine how the others reacted: Road laughed all the time smiling at me with encouragement, Lady Lulubell remained in silence all the time biting her lower lip in disapprobation and Lord Tyki… He went on sulking for a good hour giving out low roars, then he decided that ha had had enough and spoke with rude honesty:

" Stop it," he said to his nephew, " you're ridiculous and you're ruining the journey to everyone." Amatus' face turned ugly at those words:

"You're the one who should stop, Tyki," he said, "we'll know that you're just jealous because she has dumped you." The blonde replied with a malice I had never seen in him.

"Please, Mr Amatus," I said trying desperately to stop the coming quarrel, "what's with these childish words? I pray you not to argue and to stop with the previous argument since it's bothering our companions."

"Whatever you want, angel," he replied with a disgusting sweetness, "I just wanted to avoid that bad character to insult your purity in any possible way, now and in future."

"There is no need for that," I replied quickly, interrupting Lord Tyki who had opened his mouth to answer, "I and your uncle just don't get along very well, that's all. I don't think he ever had any intention to insult me, so it's fine, please."

"As you wish." Amatus replied looking somehow disappointed. I heard Lord Tyki groaning at my back and I couldn't help feeling some sympathy for him as well as for me for being stuck in that kind of embarrassing situation. You would think that after this Amatus would have stopped from complimenting me, but he didn't. Somehow he found the courage to keep on testing everybody's patience. I think I wore all the shades of red for the embarrassment that morning.

Anyway, we managed to arrive more or less safe to the meadow where we had planned to have our picnic. The place was simply charming, a masterpiece of nature which would have surely deserved the attention of one of those painters who claim Nature as their goddess. It's a pity that we ruined that earthly paradise with our awkward presence.

I tried to help Road and Lady Lulubell with the lunch, but unfortunately it seems that Lord Tyki and Mr Amatus ust weren't able to get along fine for some moment and speak about the weather as gentlemen often do when they are all but friends. No, they had to argue even in the few moments they had to spend by themselves! But let's tell the facts as they went: we women were preparing everything, when we heard the voices of our two male companions. Since they were a bit far away from us, we couldn't understand the words, but it was clear they were shouting.

"Oh, my gracious Lord," Lady Lulubell began, "those two really worry me!" she exclaimed.

"You're right, sister," Road answered immediately, "please, Christine, would you go to them and calm them down? They'll listen to you though they would never dedicate me a single glance…" my friend prayed.

I would have protested and said that there was no reason why they should have listened to me and not to her, but since she had asked me with such courtesy, and since I was their guest, I just couldn't refuse in any polite manner, but I had to go. Can you imagine how did I found them? They were almost fighting physically or, at least, Amatus looked like he'd have liked very much to punch Lord Tyki on his beautiful nose while he was shouting at him. His uncle instead stood near him, unmoved and was listening to the younger one with an expression of disgust clearly written on his face though he maintained a bit of his dignity, unlike Amatus.

My angel in that moment seemed everything, but an angel. I haven't seen him furious many times, but the little experience I have is enough for me to know how rage can transform him in a monster both in appearance and attitude. He becomes childish, cruel, he says inappropriate things and he has a violent behaviour; in a few words he's scary and I must confess that I hate this side of him: it destroys the imagine of the perfect chevalier that I have of him.

"Please, gentlemen," I interrupted them, feeling the panic rising inside me, "this scene is the most despicable from men such as you. Wouldn't you rather stop and join the rest of the company?"

"Thank you, Miss Leverrier," Lord Tyki answered me with the same formality, "but I fear we'll have to decline. We still have to discuss a few important things and then we'll be free to follow your kind suggestion. Now, if you excuse us…" he continued with unexpected rudeness asking me to leave. I didn't replied anything and I left alone, but at the first chance I had I hid behind a tree to overhear their quarrel.

I would like to say that I did so to follow my father's orders, but it would be a lie. I'll tell it just to you, my diary, I was deadly curious: that's all.

"You're being stupider than usual," Lord Tyki said, "your behaviour is unacceptable, do you realize this? And what's with all this fuss about this Leverrier girl? Why are you so obsessed by her?"

"I am obsessed by her? I thought you had interest in her, Tyki…" Amatus challenged him

"Oh, please, spare me! She is nothing but a normal girl, nothing special. I've been courteous to her as I do with every woman. That's part of my role, as you should know. What's _your _role in the Earl's plans instead, Amatus?" he asked. Tyki's words offended me and I secretly swore to myself to conquer him and destroy him, no matter what.

"You say so," Amatus replied, "but I don't believe you. I can't care less about the Earl's plans, as you surely know, but I like this girl, she's pretty. I want her." He stated simply and my heart skipped some beat as a consequence.

"And tell me," Tyki attacked back, "how long are you going to play with her before abandoning her, destroying her? You know, usually I don't mind about your savage acts, but she's Road friend. We MUST avoid scandals."

Amatus laughed in response: "Don't worry there won't be any scandal…" the blonde said with inappropriate malice, "I'll be careful, but I'm not going to take orders from you. I'll joke with her as much as I want. You just don't interfere. She's old enough, she doesn't need your protection." He laughed again and Tiky suddenly turned in my direction, gazing directly at me.

I shivered and for a moment I thought that he had caught me, but he said nothing and wait for Amatus to left. Once the blonde was gone he came near me.

"Are you satisfied, now, Miss Leverrier?" he asked once his face was a few centimetres from mine. I couldn't answer anything, both for the embarrassment and his gorgeousness, but that face! He stared at me coolly as if he hated me, but he was still breathtaking, terribly beautiful even against his will.

Then he left as if I had never been there, without waiting for my reply. I remained there, seated on the ground; my back leaned against the tree, trying to recover from the shock. I didn't know what shocked me more: the possibility that Amatus was joking with me projecting my ruin, or the fact that Tiky had caught me eavesdropping? Probably what hurt me more was the indifference Lord Tiky had showed towards me. _"A normal girl, nothing special"_ he had said_. _Oh, how much have I hated him when he had pronounced those words! And he had known that I was listening in that moment? The only way was to ask him but there was no way I would do that.

Somehow I returned to the meadow where all the others were already sitting. Only Lord Tiky was still missing, but I couldn't care less. For what concerned me, he could have become a bear's lunch, I wouldn't have cared. But that's a lie! Of course I would have cared because since I knew him there is no-one else who really matters! Amatus? Yes, he's a good companion when Lord Tiky isn't here, but when I see them side by side I have no doubts about who of the two would I choose.

I thought that blonde angel could become my antidote against his uncle's charm, but I was wrong: his beauty pales in front of the other's smiles and his light is easily devoured by Lord Tiky's dark sensuality. This must be the charm of evil everyone always put me in guard against when I was little. Anyway, let's return to what happened that afternoon

We had a quiet lunch thanks to Lady Lulubell who started a banal conversation asking news on the most important families of Europe now to Amatus, then to Lord Tiky, and discussing the information with me and Road. Thank you, my Lord, for Lady Lulubell existence! She has been my saviour today, but the situation couldn't last long for it seems that some man just can't help but make themselves ridiculous.

We're speaking about the situation in France and about the French style of living when Mr Amatus asked me:

"Tell us, Miss, are French men more educated than English ones?" he asked giving a mischievous glance to Lord Tiky. I was going to answer something in order to pacify the situation, when Road exclaimed:

"Oh, Tiky, it seems that he's not going to make you forget your rude behaviour towards our guest! And it seems also that you have lost your last prey…" she suggested chuckling and I blushed with embarrassment. I wasn't angry with Road(if I had been at her place I would have probably made fun of him the same way), it was towards his uncle that I felt my anger increasing for he nodded and simply looked away as if he couldn't care less about me. Oh, how did I hate his indifference! Indifference is an evil against which you have no weapon, there is no way to fight it back.

Thankfully, Lady Lulubell immediately reminded to those childish persons that they were acting in a very inappropriate way and a little while after we left heading towards Kamelot's Manor once again.

Right now I'm in my bedroom and I'm actually sighing with relief at the idea that this terrible day has finally come to his end. How can it be that I love so much those two absurd men? For it's undeniable that I love them, though in a different way. Amatus can easily become a sort of adoptive brother for me in future and Lord Tiky… I don't want to think about him: it's terrible to dream of staying with him while we're actually avoiding each other because of our stupid quarrel and Amatus' jealousy.

I'm soooo tired that I can barely keep my eyes open and my mind is strangely numb, be it because of the absurdity of today's events or whatever else. I think I'll go to bed now. Thank you for listening to my troubles, my good diary.

With love…

Christine Leverrier

_**Author's notes- **_**The conquered princess **

**How was this chapter? Is it enough to celebrate the XXX chapter? I hope it was. I had a lot of fun writing it, so I hope you had too reading. **

**Here's the link to see my deviantart channel:**

**.com/**

**I've added a Tyki's picture to my channel.**

**Love you all, readers!**

**Goodnight to you all…**

**Eris92**


	31. Chapter 31 REUNION

**I guess that I don't really know where I'm heading to with this chapter, but it just came out of my mind like this, no rewriting, or anything like that. I wrote it all in one night because I fe****lt a little troubled. Religion has always been a delicate topic for me and here I gave a little piece of my mind trough Cassandra; I didn't do it consciously though… I just found out what I had done while re-reading it. Anyway, enough with my obsession and go with the chapter! **

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own DGM, if I had Tyki would have been intelligent. And nobody would have ever loved him **

**-_-''**

_**CHAPTER XXXI- **_**REUNION**

_Four months after the facts of chapter XXIX_

_Headquarters of the Black Order, morning_

The quick, seducing, rhythmical sound of heels hitting the floor echoed in the corridor bringing surprise and disbelief among the innocent passersby. Some of them literally stared with their mouth open to the woman approaching and his companion; someone else ran away, other people began to gossip in a low voice while they passed.

The woman just ignored them as if they didn't exist, her cold eyes fixed on the end of the corridor, uncaring, unfeeling, determinate. Her face was serious, full of dignity, brave. The man behind her, instead, gave some threatening smirk to the crowd as to say: _"don't interfere, you trash"_ before following his beautiful companion. The people in the corridor moved to let them pass.

The woman finally reached the place she was aiming to.

She stopped in front of the door and knocked two times.

"Come in." said a light, youthful voice from inside. The scary male who had accompanied the woman till there took it as a permission to do whatever he wanted obviously, for he kicked the door open.

"We are baaaack, Supervisor." Cassandra singed from the door staring in amusement at the very confused Komui Lee who was looking back at her and Sokaro.

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"General Sokaro," Komui said serious a few moments after, "you hadn't advised me you would return this soon. You could have sent a message of some kind at least. That's what golems are for." The supervisor was obviously trying to scold the giant general, but, in all honesty: can you imagine the slim innocent Komui Lee standing up against the ex-criminal scary Sokaro? Can't you imagine this scene? Neither can I, so let's forget about the miserable attempts of our dear supervisor to gain some respect from his subordinates and let's return to our story.

The general didn't even try to justify himself, he just said: "Cassandra wanted to come back the sooner" as if it explained everything. He did even shrug, as if disobeying the orders and literally attacking the Supervisor's office was nothing. Nothing to worry about, at least.

Komui wondered what had gotten into him. Sokaro was famous for his coldness towards his disciples, he had never thought of them as human beings in the first place, not even once. All they were to him were warriors and since their job was fighting he judged them only by their strength. They are strong? Good for them, they'll be useful and they may gain some respect from the others. They were weak? Then they were nothing to him, they had more or less the same value of shit because they were useless. That's how Sokaro's mind worked and he had never made any exception: his disciples could have been men, women, children, adults… This all made no difference to him. The only think he cared about was strength. He was alive because he was strong and strength was everything which mattered: that's what life had taught him.

And that's why Komui was shocked seeing the general being considerate towards one of his pupils. It wasn't like him. Being a curious, intelligent (?) man, the Supervisor could make only two hypothesis to explain that strange behaviour:

Sokaro had a crush on Cassandra;

She had proved to him to be so strong that he had come to respect her.

Komui tended towards the second hypothesis. The idea of the general being in love was just absurd; he could have believed it possible for anyone else, but Sokaro. It was impossible. Still, the second hypothesis was almost as scary as the first one. That woman was dangerous. In just five months (the time which had passed since her arrival at the Headquarters) she had succeeded in catching the attention of the two most unsocial, stubborn, dangerous, elements of the whole Black Order: Kanda and Sokaro. It was enough to scare anyone.

"So," he began, trying to hide his surprise, "have you got along well?" he asked to both his guests. They nodded at the same time.

"_Stupid question," _he said to himself,_ "it's enough to see how at ease they are around each other to understand that they have become close." _ He noticed and he was right. Normally, everyone would have stiffened in front of the general scary appearance, but Cassandra seemed perfectly relaxed and sometimes she had even exchanged some accomplice glance with Sokaro. They were probably laughing of the Supervisor surprised/suspicious attitude.

"She's the best disciple I've ever had," the general said as a response to Komui's question, "she's more talent of all the other idiots I had before all together." He declared and before the Supervisor could say anything, Cassandra interrupted him:

"That's not nice at all, Winters." She scolded him, "Those people _died_ in order to protect something, they put their life on the line and lost them. They gave everything they had for the Black Order cause; you should show a little more respect." She said seriously.

"I really don't get you when you're like this," the General replied annoyed, "they couldn't even protect their own life and they went around pretending to be able to save the world. This sounds just stupid to me. A mere show of useless arrogance to my eyes. If you think you're great, prove it and then you'll have the rights to shout whatever you want."

"You think so badly of the ideal? Don't you think that sometimes an idea is all people need to keep going?" She challenged him on response. There was a smile on her lips.

"An idea is nothing but this, a thought, unless you have the strength to protect, or impose, it." The general replied.

"I don't think so," she answered, "but I must confess that the ideal scares me a lot, as a concept. Nothing has ever brought more death and destruction to human beings than the ideal, and the religion is the same…" she began with a emotionless voice, but she was interrupted by Komui:

"Please, Miss Cassandra, watch what you're saying." He advised her.

"I'm saying things as they are," she replied stubborn, her voice finally shining with indignation, "Tell me: how many life would have been spared if religion had never existed? What about the human sacrifices ancient made towards cruel, primitive gods? What about the crusades? What about the women put on the stake as witches? What about _the people you used as guinea pigs here at the Black Order for your experiments?"_ she provoked him, fearless.

"Stop it!" Komui said, rising on his feet, his eyes hidden by the long bangs of hair. "Everyone does mistakes," he declared after a brief pause, "but that's just how humanity goes on and keeps on improving." The Supervisor's voice was shaking.

"That seems just a miserable excuse to me." Cassandra answered pitiless, "To my eyes, that's just a lie you created to survive to your conscience, something necessary to you all because otherwise how could you catch any sleep at night if you were conscious that thousands of innocent died because of your selfishness?"

"That has nothing to do with the present topic, please stop." Komui said, trying o preserve a scrap of dignity , but she didn't listen to him:

"Humanity improves thanks to his errors, thanks to sufferance? Don't make me laugh. That's the lamest excuse for pain I've ever heard. We keep on doing always the same mistakes, and you know why? Because only our power increases, day by day, but our capacity of understanding is always the same. We're always here, at the same point, everyday we create the illusion that we've become a little better, that we may overcome the horrors of the past, but that's a lie. Those who died are still death, the pain they suffered still lies on our conscience and nothing can change that. We can't brand everything that happened as "past" and forget it, but we do. And we repeat always the same mistakes. Humans are such sad creatures." She ended, breathless for the passion she had infused her speech with.

Komui didn't answer anything. She was right, she was far to right and there was nothing he could reply to that. The proof of what she had said was under his own eyes everyday. First: the project to create artificial apostles by forcing their synchronization with the Innocence. It had been something monstrous, people had died and the Black Order should have known better than to interfere with the Innocence's will once again, but they had. They had carried on the second exorcists' project and once again it had been a disaster. How many had died at that time? How many? How much had the survivors been hurt? They should have learned not to mess with human nature ever again and here they were, nine years later, creating an abnormality as the third exorcists. People fused with akuma. What would have come next? Could exist something worst to what they had done to those five? He doubted.

An awkward silence fell on the room.

Cassandra shook her head as if she was trying to clear her thoughts. She had won their little argument, hadn't she? She should have felt intelligent or something like that, shouldn't she? Then why did she feel so bad just by looking at the Supervisor's depressed face? She would have liked to hit him and shout at him:

"So? Why don't you reply? Please, please, prove me that I'm wrong, prove it to me!" But he couldn't. He couldn't say anything because she was right. And there the ancient desperation came back to her: the feeling that no matter what she could do, they were all doomed. They were not destinate to fall because of the Earl, a catastrophe or something like that: they would have fallen because they were just humans. Weak, pathetic, humans: nothing more. Apostles? Saints? Holy warriors? What was the meaning of all this if they couldn't even avoid to destroy each other? What was the meaning of their life?

She felt the old rage rise inside her and fill her completely: _"Oh God," _she thought,_ "you surely have the answers, you surely can end this horror if you want, so why do you remain silent? Why did you abandon us? And you dare to call yourself a father? And you claim that we should listen to you and obey to your confused will? How dare you? Are you really good? And if you're not, because that's what I suspect, then is it right to try to serve you?"_ She sighed while she sunk in the old hate, the old rage, the eternal desperation in which her heart had been caught long before. It was always the same question which kept on floating in her mind:

"_Do things as good and evil do really exist? Is there someone who surely knows the difference between what's right and wrong? Or are those just fantasies of the human race, a fragile illusion they couldn't get rid of, weak as they were? Does it really exist a truth of some kind in the world, or even out of it?" _Those were the moments when she felt more than ever the slight difference between hope and illusion. They were always the same questions she was asking and even the answer was unchanged:

"_I don't know". _

"_What should we do? Where is the truth we've been searching for? If I find it, will it set us free?" _she asked, more to herself than to any God. The question still echoed in her mind endlessly causing the ancient wound to ache:

"_**Will truth set me free?"**_

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_From Christine Leverrier's diary_

_6th May, 1743_

_My good diary, _

_It's been a week since the last time I wrote something on you and I'm deeply sorry for this, but I was just so confused that I couldn't trust myself to write anything. One moment I was thinking a thing, a second later I was sure of the opposite; my mind was divided between thousand different impressions and there was nothing of which I could be sure. Being in such a situation, what could I have said to you, my diary? Whatever I had written on you, I was sure I would regret it. That's why I decided to remain silent until I'd have known what _I_ think, at least. _

_In all honesty, I must confess that I'm still not sure of anything, but the weight on my shoulders has become just too heavy for me to bear it all by myself and so I've turned towards you for help. I'll write down everything I feel and think with the hope that this will help me clearing my confused mind._

_I think I should begin from the origin of my fears. This origin is a man, a very beautiful man, as you may easily imagine. Who is he? No, it is not Lord Tyki, for once, but Mr Amatus. I'd never thought he could represent a danger to me. I've always seen him as the perfect gentleman: gallant, beautiful, intelligent, elegant, as easy-going as a respectable person may be without being a scandal, funny, very agreeable and sometimes a bit childish, but everyone must have at least one vice, don't we? And if I have to choose a vice for the man I want to be at my side, a guess that a little of childishness isn't a big deal. That's what I thought and, in all honesty, can you find anything wrong in my logic, can't you? _

_Still, I was dreadfully wrong, my diary, dreadfully wrong indeed. I didn't catch all the little signs that should have advised me that he was not as he seemed. I worried too much about the evident danger represented by Lord Tyki to think that such an adorable person as Mr Amatus could be dangerous as well. How foolish of me. I can't help but ask to myself what did I do wrong this time and though I can't find an answer I know that my peace here at the Kamelot Manor is ruined forever. Mr Amatus ruined my blessed peace in the fairytale I had thought to be living here in England. Waking up from a beautiful dream is always shocking, I guess, but when the one who wakes you up is a living nightmare, well, then things really get awful. _

_Oh, look at me my diary! I'm losing my concentration again: I keep on talking and talking about nonsense and I'm describing nothing of what did really happen! But I'm going to remediate to this here and now. Let's speak about facts which are the only thing that really matters. _

_After the fatal day of the picnic I did everything I could to avoid Lord Tyki since I was terribly embarrassed for what he had caught me doing. He'd seen me overhearing a private conversation! I was frightened he would tell it to everyone and I was embarrassed: two good reasons to stay away from him. This was no problem since it seems that he wanted to avoid me as well: we never met each other in six days. Considering that we've been living in the same house all the time it's pretty amazing. _

_I can't say the same thing of Mr Amatus instead. I had been shocked to hear him say that "he wanted me" and from what he had said to Lord Tyki I deduced that he was really in love with me. From their fight I had understood that Mr Amatus had provoked more than one scandal in the past, but the way he'd said "there won't be any scandal" had made me hope that his intentions were honourable towards me at least. I'm a member of the famous Leverrier family, after all. _

_Even after our return to the Manor, every action of Mr Amatus seemed to confirm my hypothesis: he was in love with me, madly in love with me. He dedicated to me every minute of his day, so much that Road went mad at him. I was glad, amused and annoyed by his behaviour at the same time. I was happy to know he was in love with me, but there were things which disturbed me, things as his jealousy. Once he beat up a gardener just because I had exchanged a few words with him; another time he insisted I shouldn't have gone to London with Road and Lady Lulubell because he was afraid that other men could conquer my heart. The only way we had to leave that time was permitting him to accompany us, but a single man just ruined the atmosphere in an all-girl outing. _

_You see? There were signs that I was going to be in troubles, but I just ignored them saying that it was not big deal, that I could forgive him those little things. I shouldn't have forgiven him anything, I know it now and yesterday I had the confirm of what I'm saying._

_I was walking in the garden, as I'm used to do while Road is taking her piano lessons, when Mr Amatus joined me in my wandering. We started talking casually as we often do and between there was that relaxed air I like so much about him. Everything around him seems calm and gentle, the opposite of Lord Tyki. Anyway, as I was saying, we were talking normally when he asked me out of the blue:_

"_What do you think of me, Miss Christine?" he asked passionately. I remained silent trying to assimilate his words. How was I supposed to answer to such a question? What was he actually asking me? What I thought of him as a man, as a gentleman or as a possible husband? Strangely enough, I decided to be cautious:_

"_You're a dear friend to me, Mr Amatus. You and all the rest of your family has been terribly kind towards me, I won't forget it." I declared smiling._

"_I'm asking what do you think of me, not about your gratitude towards my family." He replied and he was serious, threatening. That was an order, not a question._

"_I think you're a good man," I said, my voice shaking slightly, "a real gentleman. You're funny and kind. The woman who will marry you will be very happy." I said without thinking. All of a sudden I didn't knew what to answer him._

"_Would you like t be that woman?" he asked seriously._

"_What woman?"_

"_The one who will marry me." He answered with decision. My mind went numb. _

_You know me, my diary, I get scared when men are so serious around me, I'm scary of belonging to anyone, I fear that they will treat me as my father does treat my mother. He loved her a lot when they were young and now? They barely speak to each other, they can't stand each other presence even if they try to hide this. No, I won't end like this! I don't want to marry and be caged into an household. I want to be free, always, not to depend on anyone and for this I'm ready to sacrifice my beauty, my heart, my honour, on the altar of freedom. That's why I'm so scared when I see guys becoming too attached to me and can you imagine how afraid I was of a proposal of marriage from such a possessive man? No, you can't have an idea._

"_Mr Amatus," I began, my voice shaking, "I'm deeply honoured with your proposal, really, really honoured, but Have you spoken with your parents about this already? That's a very delicate matter and…"_

"_It doesn't matter." He interrupted me._

"_What doesn't matter?" I asked_

"_What my family thinks is no problem. If I marry you they won't say anything. Whatever I do they shouldn't care and they don't."_

"_But…"_

"_There are no but," he declared, "I want an answer, now: will you marry me?". That was too sudden and in a too short a time. It was not gentleman-like at all. _

"_I should speak about this with my family first…" I tried, moving a step back unconsciously._

"_I don't care," he said, "I want your answer now." Once again his eyes are like ice, cold, cruel, uncaring, the light which shined in them had nothing gentle at all. Absolutely nothing gentle. I was scared, so much scared that the mere memory makes me tremble even now that I'm safe in my room. _

"_If that's how thing are," I cried as fear was overcoming me, "then my answer must be: no, I won't ever marry you." I needed every little remaining of my courage to say those words while I was in front of his cold eyes, but he just smiled in return. I relaxed immediately thinking:_

"_Now he'll say that it was all a bad joke, won't he?"_

_I was so sure he would say that… but he didn't. All of a sudden his expression changed again turning furious, savage, scary! I let out a little yell as he was embracing me tightly in a possessive way. I began to cry for the fear. _

"_I knew you'd say that," he told me furiously. In the position we were I couldn't see his face and I was grateful for it, but his voice was enough to provoke such a fear in me that I thought my heart was going to collapse for how fast it was beating. _

"_I knew it," he repeated, "but remember: you're mine. No matter how you struggle, you're mine, MINE! I tried to be gentle, but it doesn't matter: it just means that I'll have to use violence instead." He declared. Oh, my diary, the rear in me was just too much to bear! Suddenly his smell, his golden hair, his beautiful face, everything of him became repulsive to my eyes! I fought to get free of his embrace and he immediately let me go, but just to slap me on my face. He slapped me! He slapped a lady's face! That's unforgivable, but at that time I was too scared to complain. _

_I ran away, as fast as I could, I ran without looking back not even once and I didn't stop until I was locked in my room, safe and ALONE. I wanted to be alone and I remained there, seated on the ground, my back against the door as my breathing was returning normal. Slowly, very slowly, I stopped shaking. _

_Since then I still haven't went out from this room. I'm too scared to open the door, but I know that I'll have to do it sooner or later. _

_Still, do you know what's the worst, my diary? It's that Lord Tyki was right. And I was wrong, obviously._

_Christine Leverrier_

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_Headquarters of the Black Order, training room_

"Go on, Kanda, you can't stay here sulking all the day!" Marie scolded the swordsman, "Why don't you come at lunch with us, instead?" he blind man asked gently, but the Japanese man just hissed something rude in reply.

"Why not, Yuu?" Lavi insisted. One should know when it's time to give up, but Lavi never did and Kanda was very pissed that day. That's why it didn't end well: after less than five minutes the swordsman remained alone in the training room with a very frightened Miranda and a pissed Lenalee while Marie was taking the redhead to the infirmary.

"You're too rude to them, Kanda." Lenalee stated bravely, cool under the swordsman's famous glare, "They were only trying to help you!"

"I never asked for help." The unsocial warrior replied simply while practicing with a bamboo sword.

"You're always the same," the Chinese girl repeated, "and we thought that you had calm down a little!". It was true. There had been a time, when Angel was there, when Kanda had appear a bit more sociable and they all had hoped it to be the first sign of a changing from his part. It seemed they were wrong: as soon as Cassandra had appeared, Kanda had turned even worse of before. Everyone had noticed it but till then there had been no-one brave enough to tell him:

"Go on, Kanda, you can't get so depressed over a woman! Not you!". At least, no-one was so stupid to provoke him so openly and the more the time passed, the more the swordsman was becoming nervous and violent, almost beast-like. They couldn't help but worry for him.

Lenalee was actually thinking about this when the door smashed open and Allen ran into the room:

"You won't believe it," the teen said, "but Cassandra and general Sokaro have just returned!"

"Yes," Crowley echoed, "and she seems more evil than usual! The general is already her puppet and right now she's speaking with Komui! All the Headquarters are speaking about her and…" Crowley immediately stopped when he finally noticed that Kanda was in the room as well.

"Oh…" he hesitated, "well…" he began under the murderous glare a certain someone was giving him, "I think I'll be going…" the vampire ended and literally vanished.

An awkward silence fell in the room. Everyone was staring a Kanda, worry clearly written upon their faces.

The swordsman continued his training as if nothing had happened, ignoring everything and everyone, but when his punch met the wall breaking it, it was clear that the news had hit the wrong nerve. His companions exchanged some nervous look and left him alone. It was only then that Kanda seated in a corner holding his knees, as a child.

The demon was back, the nightmare was about to start again. Not that it had ever ended: even if Cassandra wasn't there, he could still feel her presence, or should I say her absence? It was the same thing. Her absence made the memory of Angel stronger, the lonely feeling deeper when he hadn't a object towards which he could direct his rage. But all of this didn't matter now that she was back, the evil witch.

How did he really feel towards Cassandra? He didn't exactly knew. He should have considered her the guilty one for Angel disappearance, he should have hated her, but he didn't. The murderers of Angel in his mind was the Innocence and himself. Cassandra instead scared him as nothing had ever done. He couldn't help but feel attracted by her, he was a man after all, but he despised her way of acting. She was so full of herself, so selfish, so self-centric… And yet he couldn't deny that there was something in her which had aroused his interest since the first time he had seen her in Rome.

During her absence, he had wondered many times what it was which made her so interesting, almost irresistible, and he thought that it had to be something about the way she carried herself. When she was walking, or even just standing, there was such a dignity in the way she moved, such authority, as if she was a queen or a goddess, that one could just stare at her in awe. And the way she looked at you in the eyes! Her green eyes were so clear, and yet there was no way to understand the light which shined in them, something similar to the fire of determination. It was simply enchanting. Kanda wondered how it could be that one may find charming a person who one wants to hate with all this might, but so it was.

He had hoped never to see her again, I wanted to wait for the memory of her to vanish completely from his mind, but she had come back and he felt like he couldn't avoid her even if he wanted to. He'd have liked to run away.

"_Since when have I become such a coward?" _he thought angrily.

"_But you've always been a coward…" _another annoying voice reminded him. Kanda groaned feeling furious towards himself.

In that moment, the door of the training room opened and a woman entered. He recognised immediately the long brown reddish hair which descended in waves, the languid elegant way she used to move her arms by her side while walking, the dangerous aura which surrounded her. It was her.

She noticed him immediately and smiled: "I didn't know you were here." She declared. Kanda didn't answer but observed her. Her smile was pleasant, but fake, obviously fake. Why was she trying to be gentle to him, after all she had shouted at him last time? (Author: it was chapter XXV)

"You were making a pause?" she asked , still smiling.

" What do you want?" Those words literally escaped from Kanda's mouth. He hadn't wanted to start a fight, he had thought to answer with distant calm, but I guess that old habits hardly die and a rude bastard can't transform in a nice guy in two seconds time. The smile suddenly disappeared from Cassandra's face.

"That's very rude of you." She stated, "I was being gentle."

"Says the murderer" he replied coldly. Why was he attacking her? He had never wanted to in the first place, but he was. Was that a defence mechanism? He was attacking her because he felt weak and vulnerable? Probably.

"It was not me who killed Angel, you know," she replied coolly, "she decided on her own free will to leave me her place and guess who's responsible for her choice?"

Kanda gritted his teeth in response, but said nothing. It served him well, it was his fault for starting the argument after all.

"It's a pity," Cassandra commented after a brief silence, "I hadn't came here to argue with you." She declared and there was a strange light in her eyes. Was it sadness? Kanda thought, already falling under her spell. That's the way she was, selfish and charming beyond imagination. An horrible combination, but still irresistible.

"Why did you come here then?" he asked with an _almost_ polite tone.

"I wanted to know you…" she admitted, "I wanted to know why you loved Angel that much, so much that you hate me." Again, that sad light in her eyes.

" I didn't love her." Kanda replied stubbornly, but at the same time he realized he hadn't pronounced her name. He couldn't.

"You loved her." She insisted gently, seating beside him. The light made her hair shine of a thousand reflex: brown, copper, gold, and what else?

"Fine, I loved her, but not in the way you think." Kanda admitted feeling uneasy. He wasn't used to have people that near to him, especially not women; the cold of the akuma's armours was more familiar to him than someone else's warm skin and now she was too near.

"Then, please, tell me: in which way did you love her?" she asked and there was genuine curiosity in her voice, but there was something else as well, something he could not define. Kanda shook his head nervous: he wasn't used to speak so much, especially not about himself and his feelings. He felt trapped, and when he felt trapped he was always rude, not to say violent. This time he didn't make an exception:

"Why the fuck do you want to know? She's dead, that's all. It doesn't matter anymore. Stop with all this questions, you're a pain, ya know?" he shouted at her rising on his feet violently. She didn't answer but looked at him with that piercing eyes of her. She was not angry, nor scared, nor anything of the kind. She was analyzing him.

"I'm sorry, I realize I asked too much all at once. You're still not ready to speak about that, aren't you? Still, that's very important for me and I won't give up. I'll wait for when you'll be ready to tell me." She said rising on her feet as well. She smiled to him once again, weakly this time and left alone in the room an upset Kanda.

"Don't dare to come back! Understand? I have nothing to tell you, DO NOT DARE TO SPEAK TO ME ANYMORE!" he shouted after her. She waved her hand to say goodbye without turning and left, but the swordsman had the strange impression she would have come back, regardless to what he had said. How annoying she was!

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_**Author's notes- Scaryyyyyy!**_

**Hi people, here we are with chapter XXXI! **

**I want to ask you something… WHY NO-ONE REVIEWED LAST CHAPTER? One works for four or five nights over a chapter and what? No-one cares to stop and say: "I liked it", or "It was a disaster!"!**

**I was depressed for three days because of this, you know? Then ****MommyCloud**** left a comment on deviatart cheering me up a lot, so I thank her. She has made some wonderful AllenXRoad pictures… Now I want to write some RoadXAllen once again! Thinking about it, they haven't met since chapter XXI ^^'' Chapters with Allen and Road (XVII and XX) are my favourites… I think they are those which I wrote better, but my opinion on this counts nothing, so tell me what your favourite chapter was if you want, please. I'm curious… **

**Now, go and ****review****, please! _**

**Eris92**


	32. Chapter 32 Funny days

Hi people!

Sorry for the late upload, but I was in vacation… Yes, sometimes I also have holidays, sorry, but now I've come back! An since from now on the story will become very serious and tragic, so I decided to give you something funny before that… to cheer you up ^^

In a few words, this chapter shows what happens at the Black Order when the baka usagi is pissed... I hope you'll enjoy it! XD At least, I enjoyed writing this, but I don't think I'm good at writing funny stuff… Please, let me know what you think!

Soundtrack for this chapter:

"We" from Bleach soundtracks (the one singed by Yachiru, Ken-chan, Ikkaku and Yamichika… Love Kenpachi's and Ikkaku's voices! ^^" )

DISCLAIMER: I don't own DGM. Now go enjoy the story while I cry in a corner (Tamaki style…)

_**CHAPTER XXXII—**_**FUNNY DAYS**

Reading this story you may have gotten the idea that the Black Order is full of serious people… Fortunately, this idea is completely wrong: there are also true idiots, like Lavi, but one idiot is enough to cause a lot of troubles, as the exorcists found out during a very troublesome day…

The story I'm going to tell you this time happened more or less a week after the return of Cassandra and Sokaro at the Headquarters and I can assure you that no-one in the Black Order will forget it for a long time. Can you imagine how did it all begin? It was Link's fault in a way.

The day before the poor Inspector, tired of hearing a certain someone calling him "two pimple", had avenged himself by stealing Lavi's teddy bear (yes, I know it's shocking, but Lavi still sleeps with a teddy bear) and putting it on Kanda's bed. The result? The following morning the redhead had found in front of his door the leftovers of some stuffed animal of unknown provenience…

Now, to be honest, Lavi didn't really care about the teddy bear (he was eighteen after all), but he felt terribly bored that morning, bored and pissed off because "Two-pimple" had finally reacted to his pranks. And that's how the troubles began because if a normal Lavi in annoying, a bored and pissed off Lavi is something near to pure evil. Still, being him a very childish person, the revenge he had planned wasn't _that _terrible, but the unforeseeable consequences of his action were. As it often happens, from a stupid joke was born a real Hell.

It all began with a childish prank which Lavi had supposed to be his revenge against the poor Link. Infact, knowing that the Inspector was addicted to cakes, the exorcist decided to _"poison"_ his sweet breakfast with a stinking, green fluid he had found in Komui's garage. He didn't knew exactly what that green thing was, but it couldn't be lethal, isn't s that so? Not even Komui would have conserved a poisonous potion between his things in a garage where everyone could enter just by breaking the lock, right?

It was with this kind of thoughts echoing in his mind that Lavi added the stinking ingredient to Jerry's cakes before the cook could give them to Link. The redhead had thought it to be a silly joke, but he would have never imagined that his prank would have leaded half of the Order to the infirmary. He couldn't have imagined that the green thing was actually a potion which made people super-angry after all, but it was.

So, when Link went to Jerry to complain about the stinking smell of the cakes, he found himself angrier any second till his face became green and he started to shook violently the innocent Jerry after having grabbed him from his shoulders. From then on things just got always worse. Yes, because Allen was in the room as well as he couldn't stop himself from intervening to help Jerry.

Nothing really wrong till there, the problem is that, while he was trying to block Link's violent movements, he ended up hitting Kanda… Do you think that our short tempered swordsman left it at that? Obviously **not**.

"Can't you stand on your own feet, moyashi?" he provoked the teen.

"That's not the moment, BaKanda!" the other replied, "Can't you see that I've some problem right now?" he added annoyed while he bowed to avoid Link's kick.

" Of course I see," Kanda said with an evil grim, "but I'm enjoying this sight too much to avoid tormenting you a little more…"

At this point Allen snapped and let Link go to attack Kanda. The swordsman was ready to attack back and what had been just a joke quickly transformed in a brawl. That's when Lenalee arrived.

The other people at the Headquarters were used to see the two exorcists fighting (they secretly supported Allen) and just ignored them, but the Chinese exorcist, since she was a little stupid kind girl, wasn't able to let them do and she began to shout at them:

"Kanda, please stop."

"Allen! What are you doing? Stop it immediately!"

"Have you heard me Kanda? I said to stop!"

"Oh, Allen, that was dirty!"

"If you two don't put an end to this immediately, I'll call my bro and tell him to set Komurin IV free, ok?"

Lenalee went on like this for a little while, but it's useless to say that no-one cared to listen to her: Allen and Kanda were too absorbed by their fight, and the spectators were inciting the two so loudly that they wouldn't have minded even in a group of akuma had broken into the Headquarters. At this point, a normal person would have given up and let them do, but not Lenalee who kept on crying out useless orders. Then a punch accidentally hit her.

The science section froze as both Komui and Bak Chan (who was visiting the Headquarters with his underlings) became of various shades of red, purple, blue...(I leave this to you to imagine). Both the scientists had the same thought in mind: avenging Lenalee's offended cheek by killing the two barbarians who had dared to hit her.

The surprising thing is that if things had been left at that, Kanda and Allen would have died, but it would have ended there at least. Still, do you honestly believe that something so simple and logic may happen inside of the Black Order? Things just can't be simple when a maniac overprotective brother is around and infact…

Komui misunderstood Bak violent reaction towards the exorcists and believed that the head of the Asian branch was going to kidnap his beloved Lenalee, so he ordered to his new creation, Komurin IV, to destroy the _"evil"_ scientist.

Can you imagine what happened at this point? Obviously the Science section of the Asian branch intervened to protect his boss, and the same did the people of the Headquarters. It was a matter of seconds before the finders decided to take part in the brawl.

At the end, the only persons present in the Cafeteria that weren't fighting were: Lenalee(perfectly unarmed), Cassandra and a chuckling Lavi(the culprit of this all!).

"What can we do?" Lenalee asked weakly looking at the absurd sight. At the centre of the room Link was trying to strangle poor Jerry; beside them there were Allen and Kanda fighting a death match; all around there were the two science sections going all out against each other using every kind of scientifical weapon and supported by the finders (someone was even launching golems as if they were bullets…). Meanwhile poor Bak Chan was running everywhere shouting in horror and trying to escape from Komurin IV which was destroying everything around him.

Lenalee really felt miserable. She couldn't help thinking that she was a little guilty as well for what had happened.

"Lavi, please, do something! They won't listen to me!" she pleaded.

"I'm absolutely not going to!" Lavi said helpfully, "I won't loose such a sight, no matter what!" the idiot replied laughing hard as Komurin IV trampled on Allen's feet causing the British boy to swore in a low voice.

"I'll put an end to this. Don't worry, Lenalee." Cassandra said reassurantly.

"Really Cassandra? Would you?" Lenalee asked hopefully, her eyes wide.

"Of course," the older woman answered, "they're ruining my breakfast and they must be punished." She declared, an evil grim spreading across her face.

"Punished?" Lenalee and Lavi asked with one voice weakly as Cassandra was speaking to an unknown someone through her golem:

"Hello, Winters, are you still here at the Headquarters?" she asked casually, "Yes, you are? Good, because people here is fighting in the cafeteria and I thought you could have wanted to join them… Please, be quick… Yes, I'll wait there." She said concluding the call. The evil grim was still painted on her lips and seemed even wider.

"Ehm… Cassandra?" Lavi asked hesitant, "Who exactly is _Winters_?"

"It's general Sokaro, obviously." The woman replied with nonchalant.

"Don't worry," she added when she realized that both Lenalee and Lavi had paled visibly at her response, "I assure you that it will end in five minutes once he's here." She said.

It would have been better if Cassandra had not sworn, for she was wrong: after only _three_ minutes all the people who had joined the brawl were in the infirmary. The only unarmed was General Sokaro which protested in a loud voice because it had ended too soon.

"They are such weaklings!" he declared pissed to a very scared Lavi and Lenalee.

"I know, I know," Cassandra comforted him with a compassionate look, "they can't be a worth match for you, Winters". She said patting his shoulder. That's when Lavi swore to himself to never speak a single word to his new fellow exorcist for fear to make her angry in some way. She was too much for him.

"Lenalee," he said instead, "I have to confess you something…"

"What, Lavi?"

"It's my entire fault I fear… It was me who put a strange potion inside Two-pimple's cakes..." he whispered and Lenalee covered her mouth showing the horror she felt.

"I know, it's terrible," Lavi tried to justified himself, "but I'd never thought it could end this way…"  
"It's not that," Lenalee interrupted him, "it's that…"she couldn't end the sentence, but pointed at something at Lavi's back. The exorcist turned slowly feeling already condemned. Jerry was there.

"H-hi, Jerry!" the redhead gasped, "Are you feeling well?"

"Do you think I can possibly feel well?" the cook roared in response. He was covered in blood.

"Ehm…" was all the answer Lavi could give him.

"I heard something interesting, a moment later," Jerry continued in a scary way, "I heard your voice confessing it was your entire fault if Link-kun got mad at me…"

Lavi took a step back. Jerry ran after him.

"I… will… not… FORGIVE YOU!" The cook shouted hitting Lavi on the head with a pot.

A few minutes later, Lavi was taken to the infirmary as well where his angry companions were waiting for him.

The end.

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**END OF PART ONE OF "FALLEN GODS"**

**Author's notes**

**Sorry guys, I know that's a very short chapter… I'll try to make myself forgiven with the next one, I swear! Ç_Ç**

**I hope it was funny (I don't know…) and I hope you'll review and tell me what do you think of this! ^^**

**As you have probably noticed, this chapter is pretty different from the others, but I wanted so much to write something funny for Fallen Gods for once! I guess I'm too serious… **

**Would you make me a great gift and review?**

**Love you all**

**Goodnight…**

**Eris92**


	33. Chapter 33 The prisoner

**Hey people, did you realize that on the 2****nd**** of August FALLEN GODS had his first birthday? Yes, it's a year that I'm writing this fic! A whole year! And the interesting parts have just began with this chapter… (happy author!)**

**About this chapter I will only say: "it's time for Allen to face his destiny". ****Finally the story has ended the first part and here becomes the second (and final) part. I hope you'll follow me in this voyage till the end, readers! **

**Now, let's end my ramblings and go on with the fic! Here's where the second part of this story begins!**

**DISCLAIMER****: I don't own DGM. If I had people wouldn't be complaining because they think that the latest chapters suck, they would say that the WHOLE story sucks and nobody would have read it. ^^" **

**PART TWO OF "FALLEN GODS"**

_**CHAPTER XXXIII- **_** THE PRISONER**

_Headquarters of the Black Order, morning_

Nor General Cloud nor her disciple Sara had any expectation for their return to the Headquarters, but they surely hadn't expected to be ignored in that way! When they had came in front of the gate the guardian, usually so annoying, had let them pass with a sigh without even asking who they were. Sara was pretty sure he hadn't even really looked at them to see if they wore the uniform of the Black Order or not.

Anyway, that hadn't been the only strange thing: once they had entered into the main building they didn't met anyone. All the corridors were desert. Cloud began to fear something bad had happened.

No-one had come to greet them and that was strange, but finding the whole place desert and silent was really something to worry about! What had happened of the security system of the Black Order? That, at least, should have been effective. What if there had been two akuma instead of her and Sara?

"Mistress," the young disciple asked, "are you sure is all ok? Last time I came here the place was pretty lively and now…" she stopped without knowing how to continue.

"It MUST be all ok." Cloud answered though there was a hint of anxiety in her voice, "The Black Order is not a place that can be destroyed easily and, besides that, the building doesn't show any damage. They've not been attacked if that's what you fear. You've seen the ruins akuma usually leave behind them." The General reminded to her disciple and Sara nodded with more decision than before. Of course she remembered.

The two advanced for some other minute in the enormous palace. The silence was frightening and the way their paces echoed in giant rooms and corridors was enough to make them fear everything. Then they heard the sound of someone else's quick steps. Sara quickly put herself between her mistress and the unknown object, her Innocence whip in her right hand, ready to activate.

Then a familiar face came out from behind the corner:

"Oh, you've already arrived General!" Reever exclaimed, "I'm sorry no-one came to greet you, but we're in a strange mood this morning… I guess you have chosen a difficult moment to come back, General Cloud, Miss Sara…" Reever smiled with courtesy trying to overwhelm the tired, defeated look he had painted all over his face, but he hardly succeeded.

"Mr Reever," Cloud began with kind severity, "What has happened? Why are the whole Headquarters desert?" she asked, the worry filling her voice.

A tear of pure rage fell from the scientist's eyes.

"Allen… " he paused to control his broken voice, "Allen Walker has disappeared this night. Commandant Leverrier has prohibited us to do any research on his disappearance." He paused again and then added: "Probably it was the Commandant himself who made him disappear last night… and we can't do anything."

At this point Reever's voice broke definitively and he covered his eyes with the left hand in a tired gesture of desperation. General Cloud was shocked by the news, but she quickly recovered and embraced the scientist to comfort him.

"Do you know if he's alive at least?" she asked, gentle and comprehensive as always. He shook his head in response:

"He might be prisoner, or maybe Central has already given orders to… you understand?" he asked

"Yes, I do. But he's so young… I'm sure they would never do something like that." She tried to comfort him.

"You are?" he said bitterly, "I'd like to have your confidence." He replied feeling miserable.

"But you must be confident at times like this!" she said to him. Her voice was severe, but was also gentle. Reever almost smiled to the woman who was his superior and was still comforting him as if he was a child. Sara instead said:

"Please, Mr Reever, would you mind to take us to where the other exorcists are?" she asked.

"Of course," the scientist replied immediately, "I'm sorry, but I was so shocked I forgot it…" he tried to explain, but General Cloud gave a threatening look to Sara and the young woman understood she had done it again: once again she had been too direct and impolite reminding to the poor scientist that he was neglecting his duty. It was a thing Cloud had often made her notice, the fact that she had too little consideration of the others' feelings, and Sara was doing her best to actually become "sensible", but after a life spent by avoiding people and being hated it was difficult for her.

Anyway, she followed the embarrassed scientist and her mistress down to the umpteenth corridor with a thoughtful expression.

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_Headquarters of the Black Order, morning_

Everyone, exorcists, scientists, finders, everyone, was in the chapel that morning. No-one had the strength to work nor did they want to. They were too angry with the Order, with Leverrier, with the whole word. Allen, their companion, had vanished, probably betrayed by those he had served, and they couldn't do anything. The feeling of helplessness was worse than anything else.

Lenalee had cried the whole morning. She had been the one who had found Allen's and Link's room deserted when she had come to wake them up. She had been the one who had obliged her brother to call Commandant Leverrier to ask if he knew something about Allen. She had been the first to hear the Commandant terrible judgement:

"_Further researches on the traitor's destiny are prohibited."_

The word "traitor" alone said everything: Allen had been kidnapped by the Order itself. She had no doubt about it, at least, and many thought the same. Reever had tried to comfort her the whole morning (he was the only one who could get near Lenalee without Komui chopping his head off), but what could he had said? That there were some probability that Allen was still alive? That wasn't exactly supposed to cheer her up, especially the _"still"_ part.

From his part, Lavi didn't even have the courage to stay beside Lenalee and try to comfort her. He had been so happy when he had convinced his grandfather to let him remain at the Order, he had hoped so much that he could find the place he belonged to there, but… in the same place his best friend had just been kidnapped, imprisoned, killed, or who knows what. That was not right, that was absolutely not right. Could he really consider the Order his home if Allen wasn't there?

Next to Lavi there was Miranda, sobbing on Marie's chest. She was overprotective over Allen (though she had never been able to do much for him), she had always felt responsible for him because she was older, because she could almost be his mother. The boy's disappearance had literally destroyed her.

More or less everyone had been terribly struck by the boy's cruel destiny and everybody was bearing the pain in his own way: someone was crying, someone else was occupied by comforting others, someone else was just silent as Crowley and Kanda. What could they do? Nothing, so it was useless either to cry or to do anything else, they could just stay silent and hope that Allen was still alive. But how much hope was left for them? There were many persons in the Black Order who were thinking of taking action and rebel against Leverrier and Central in order to rescue Allen, but was that really possible?

On the other hand there were also those few who had interpreted Allen's imprisonment as a relief. One of them was Chaoji. He couldn't help but think of the young boy as a demon. Maybe it was not Allen's fault if he had been born that way, but he still was dangerous and he still deserved to be disposed of if his real nature was that of a Noah. Chaoji was a simpleminded person: for him the world was divided in good and evil, there were no shades. If Allen had a Noah inside him he was evil and nothing else mattered to him. He was sorry, maybe, but for the sake of the Order, in order to get revenge for Anita-sama and all the others, he had to die. End of the story.

Obviously, not even Chaoji was that stupid as to say it out loud, but everyone could easily imagine those feelings as if he had them written on is forehead: _"I think it's right to kill Walker"._ Kanda had been tempted to kill him the whole time since he had seen the smile Chaoji had when he had heard the new.

Though they shared different feelings, all the members of the Black Order were in the chapel that morning for one thing only: to hear what the Supervisor Komui had to say about that matter. And Komui was there, behind the altar, drops of sweat falling down his forehead and under the uniform. What was he going to say? He wondered as he looked down to stare at every one of the faces in front of him. What lies was he going to tell them? Would they believe them?

But that was not his biggest problem, the problem was that he felt a failure as a supervisor, a failure as a man, and he was wondering if he was really fit for that role. He had sworn to protect the exorcists and here he was, declaring that one of them had disappeared and that he couldn't do anything to save him. How was he going to look at Lenalee in the eyes again, knowing how dear Allen was to her? He was a failure as a Supervisor, as a man, but more than anything else he was a failure as a big brother: his sister was crying. Lenalee's beautiful eyes were red and her cheeks wet, it seemed that her tears were endless and what he had done to prevent that? Nothing.

He felt as if he had betrayed both Lenalee and Allen and all the people who had trusted him when he had sworn to protect all the exorcists with everything he had got. It was so despicable…

"Exorcists, finders, science section, companions," he called feeling his voice weak, "that's a very sad day for the Black Order, maybe the saddest of all times. One of us, someone we all loved, has disappeared and that was not because of the Earl, of the Noahs, or the akuma; the guilty ones for this crime are our superiors who betrayed him instead of being his shield, his most powerful protectors. They abandoned him and that's clearly unforgivable." Komui paused catching his breath and trying to cool down. He hadn't come there to provoke the Black Order and make it rebel against Central.

"I understand how you all must feel," he declared sincerely, "and I share your feelings, believe me, but we must not forget in what times we happen to live and what our role is. Our duty, a duty we have towards the whole humanity and ourselves, is that to defy the Earl evil plans. In order to reach this noble aim, we can't let go to waste all the sacrifices which has been done till now by countless exorcists, finders and supporters; it would be a shame to do something like that. That's why I'm asking you: even if you're disgusted by the present way of acting of the Order, please, remain by its side till the day the Earl will be destroyed, do not let personal matters get in the way! I am… as sorry as you are for what happened to Allen Walker, but to rebel against the Order is not the right way to act in our present situation: it would just let the Earl free to move as he wishes and what will happen to our world if no-one will remain to contrast him?" Komui paused again waiting for everyone to completely understand the meaning of his words.

"Please," he pleaded, "I pray you to understand. _Maybe _the Black Order has been blessed by God as the high ranks say, but one thing only is certain: without your help and your will to fight no Black Order would ever exist, regardless of God's will. That's why I'm praying you to remain by my side and to keep on fighting the Earl. On my part, I can only promise you that I'll always be at your side no matter what, and that I'll try everything I can to rescue our companion." Komui ended with a sigh and his gaze soared over his audience: someone had been moved and was crying; someone else was incredulous; and there were even those, as Chaoji, who hadn't appreciated at all his speech. Komui stared at them all firmly. He had known that it was inevitable, now he only had to face the consequences.

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_Headquarters of the Black Order, afternoon_

Lenalee, Lavi, Crowley, Miranda, Marie had more or less secretly gathered in Miranda's room. Obviously they were the more determinate to do something for Allen. They had tried to involve Kanda as well, but the swordsman had refused immediately. They should have expected this, that wasn't his way of doing things, yet they were positive that if hey ad really decided to do something he would have been beside them and that was enough. They trusted Kanda. But in such times was it really ok to trust someone like that?

Under Allen's insistence, they had decided to trust Inspector Link as well and what had happened? Allen had been kidnapped and Link had disappeared. They were certain, or at least Lenalee was, that _"Leverrier's dog"_ was the main responsible of Allen's disappearance. Who knew what he had told to the Commandant about Allen! The memory of how much the teen had come to trust the Inspector in the last weeks made them all furious against Link. He had took advantage of Allen's good nature and betrayed him with some trick, they were all sure of that.

"I never liked him," Lenalee stated, "There has always been something mischievous in his eyes."

"That's true!" Crowley confirmed, furious. Even the shy vampire could become aggressive when he was angry obviously.

"Well, that was only to be expected from him though," Lavi commented, "it's not like we didn't know he worked for Leverrier…"

"But Allen trusted him so much…" Marie began to protest.

"Get real, Marie!" Lenalee raged, "Does someone exist who Allen didn't trust?"

"You're making him sound like an idiot, Lenalee," Lavi put her on guard, "and Allen was never stupid, just optimistic."

"Don't refer to him at the past!" the girl shouted at him, "Don't speak as if he's already…" she didn't end the sentence, but the meaning was clear to them all. Lavi muttered some excuse in a low voice.

"Maybe we're all wrong." Miranda quiet voice broke the silence, "Maybe Link-kun never betrayed Allen and is actually trying to save Allen while we're here. It's a possibility, isn't it?" she proposed, but she immediately turned mute under Lenalee cold gaze:

"Do you really believe that?" the Chinese girl asked, "Do you really think that someone like him would do that? He's probably having a celebration with his beloved Leverrier right now…" she suggested evilly. Miranda shivered.

"Now you're being too negative." Marie calm voice intervened, "You have no proof to speak so bad of him. For what we know, Miranda's opinion is as valid as yours."

"Maybe…" Lenalee murmured and there wasn't anger in her voice anymore. She looked at her companions. They would have remained in the Black Order, she knew, and that wasn't because they trusted their superiors in any way. They would have remain because they had swore to destroy the Earl, because they couldn't waste the sacrifices of those who had died for it, as Komui had reminded them before. They would have remained because the Black Order was still the only home which was left for them.

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_Headquarters of the Black Order, meditation room, afternoon_

After Komui's speech, Kanda had gone directly to the meditation room. He didn't want to be disturbed by anyone; he didn't want to hear to other people's fuss about what had happened to the moyashi. Of course, he was sad as well for the destiny of that annoying brat, things were livelier when he was around, but more than anything else he felt angry: he had warned him! He had told him to run away, he had said it:

"_If you remain here you'll be killed"_, but no! That stupid bean-sprout never listened to him and did things his own way. Yeah, he had done as he pleased and that was the result: death or worse.

Stupid idiot.

He was tired of Lenalee's endless tears, he was tired of Lavi's defeated look, and he was annoyed even by Crowley's rage. He just couldn't stand anyone in that moment and that was why he had headed towards the meditation room: he wanted some peace and silence in a place where no-one would have disturbed him.

But he was wrong.

As soon as he opened the door, he noticed an unmoved figure sitting in the middle of the room, eyes closed, a serene smile on her lips. Cassandra. That woman looked like a curse to him: whenever he went, she was there, tormenting him with her mere presence.

He thought about turning and going away, but in that moment she opened her eyes suddenly and noticed him. Now retreat was impossible, it would have been as saying: "I'm scared of you".

Kanda sighed cursing his strange life and sit in a corner, as far away from her as possible. He decided that he would have ignored her. It shouldn't have been that difficult, wasn't it? He would have been meditating and she would have done the same as if they were two strangers. Simple. Perfectly simple. But nothing in his life had ever been simple and that time was no exception.

"You're all pretty shocked at the Order…" Cassandra said in casual tone. Kanda kept his eyes shut. He didn't want to see her face.

"Was that Walker-boy such an important person?" she asked. Kanda continued to reserve her silence treatment.

"Everyone keeps on saying: "Walker here, Walker there…", but if he was so loved then why was he arrested? If he was innocent, then why… ?"

"That's nothing a newcomer as you can understand." Kanda finally snapped, "The moyashi was a sort of symbol of the Black Order and everybody loved him for reasons I still don't fully understand. And if he was arrested that's because the high ranks are corrupted and not because he was guilty of something, so shut the fuck up and don't speak about things you don't' know."

"But I do know many things about that." Cassandra protested quietly, "In the last three weeks I spoke more than once with Allen and even had a mission with him. I know how good and adorable he is. I just wanted to know what _you _thought about it." She declared innocently.

"And why should you care?" Kanda raged back. He couldn't understand her.

"Nothing much, really." She replied distant. Kanda felt angry, as angry as he had rarely been in his life, but even like this he couldn't avoid to notice the elegance of her posture, the beauty of her features, the passionate light which always shined in her eyes, the aura of dignity and powerfulness which surrounded her. No, not even for an instant he could forget all that and still he was angry at her even knowing that he would have never been able to come to hate her.

"Why do you joke with me?" He raged furiously. He couldn't bear to be manipulated by her and yet he wasn't able to get free of her charming, cursed influence. He WAS being manipulated by her, by every word of hers and he could do nothing to fight back.

"Isn't it obvious?" She replied, arrogance spreading all over her face, "It's because you're beautiful."

"And that's all?" Kanda shouted at her incredulous. How could she be that shameless and absurd?

"What else should have driven me towards you? Don't be so arrogant." She mocked him. The swordsman felt anger rising always higher inside him:

"I mean, that's the only reason why you decide to get near people, to joke with them and to torture them? Their beauty? What's beauty, what value does it have for you?" He asked. He was angry, so angry that it was a hard task to speak without shouting, but a part of him really wanted to know, to understand her. There was something in her which had caught his curiosity since their first meeting and he couldn't deny that.

"Everything changes and fades away, only beauty remains, shining eternally. Beauty is the only thing which matters." She declared absently, gazing out of the window. That sound as nonsense to the swordsman.

"What the hell are you saying?" Kanda replied furiously, "_Only beauty remains?_ Are you stupid? Beauty is the first and only thing that really fades away, the only quality that the mere time alone can destroy completely. There is nothing eternal in beauty!" He shouted "What is beautiful today, tomorrow will be destroyed and trampled on, forgotten by everyone. Beauty is nonsense." Kanda raged bitterly, but Cassandra laughed in response:

" You're such a fool… How many lies of this kind have those religious fanatics implanted inside you? They told you that beauty is nonsense, something absolutely negligible, haven't they?" she raised on her feet in a outburst of passion as she spoke: "Oh, but they've lied, Yuu, they have lied!" She said sweetly, a warm light in her eyes, as she captured his face between her hands forcing his face near to hers. Kanda felt his face growing hot under her touch and redrew furiously:

"DON'T CALL ME BY MY FIRST NAME!"

"Oh, but _Kanda_ is such a cold way to address someone…" she protested, "Everyone calls you that way, but I'm not _everyone, _Yuu." She said staring back at him in the eyes. He felt as if he could get lost in her sea-green irises and diverted his gaze towards the floor, afraid by the strange intensity which surrounded them. Cassandra sighed:

"Everyday people does betray every bond they may have, be it a bond born by friendship, brotherhood, trust, loyalty, love… Everyday humans do betray all their principles, but one: beauty. The idea of beauty is the only one which never looses its charm. No matter who you are, where do you live or what kind of past lies on your shoulders, you never stop to be affected by beauty. That's why I say that it's the only eternal thing in this world, that's why I'm convinced that beauty is the only thing that matters, our only certainty. I'm the living proof of it."

Cassandra's voice was now faint and controlled, there was no trace of the passion she had put in her sentences before, yet Kanda didn't loose a word. Every syllable was branded on his mind. He would have liked to close his ears and avoid her, but every time he had thought about going away, a magnetic force had maintained him in place, forbidding him to leave her. He would have liked to ignore her words, but his ears drank every syllable which came out from her as if they were holy commandments. He would have wanted to brand her speeches as absurdities, but there was something undeniably true in her words.

At the end, he said: "I can't see how is this connected to what happened to the moyashi."

"But it's not connected, obviously!" she answered with a surprised smile, "You asked me why I had come near you and I answered, that's all. Allen has nothing to do with that."

Kanda shook his head in confusion: he didn't understand anything anymore.

"I have to go." He said moving towards the door: he had to get free of the strange influence she had over him. He was already passing the door when her voice called him back:

"Yuu?" she asked.

"It's Kanda."

"Right," she conceded rolling her eyes, "Kanda, you still have not answered to the question I asked you the other day." She reminded him.

"What question?" he asked pretending not to remember.

"What did you love in Angel? And why do you hate me?" she declared and it seemed more a judgement than a question. Her eyes were firm, almost cruel, but there still was something in them which made them shine of a consuming fire, something that told him clearly: _"you can't ignore me"_.

"That's nothing of your business." Kanda replied coldly and went away. She laughed hard in response:

"If that's nothing of my business, then whose is?"

Kanda didn't replied and went away hoping that she wouldn't have run after him.

She didn't.

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_Place unknown, time unknown_

Allen Walker was alive, but he was nothing more than a prisoner since the night before when five members of the Crow had entered abruptly in his room, tied him and took him away with the accuse of being a spy and a traitor at the Millennium Earl's service. Allen could still remember Link's protests: he had said that he didn't know anything about that and that since he was in his custody he wouldn't have let the Crows have him. Still he was alone against five warriors as expert as him and he had had to give up, but he had put a condition: he would have followed Allen whenever they were going to take him.

Yes, Allen thought in his cell, Link had been a friend till the end, but there was nothing he could have done to save him and that was the real end, wasn't it? Leverrier wouldn't have let him escape no matter what and Link's opinion was valued almost zero. Allen was condemned, wasn't he? And what would have happened to the Heart? What about the Holy War against the Earl? He wondered what would have happened to his companions, but he had to be honest: at a time like this he couldn't care less about the Order. He wanted to know what would have become of_him_. For once Allen Walker could think only about himself.

Well, that's not completely true because there was also someone else he had to worry about: the Fourteenth. After having been imprisoned, it seemed that the Noah had decided that he couldn't stay quiet anymore and he was giving Allen no peace. He was always there, in his mind, speaking to him, telling him what he should have done and what not.

Allen had been locked up inside that cell for only twelve hours and he had already thought to have lost it more than once. Maybe he was really becoming mad in the end, for what else could await someone who was an exorcist and a Noah at the same time? God was cruel, Allen thought, so cruel… He even wondered if it could be alright for him to forgive Him. Does someone who abandons his children deserve to be forgiven?

"_Of course not," _said a voice inside Allen's head, _"that's exactly what we Noahs have always declared, but you exorcists are so stubborn… You always forgive everyone but us… You forgave the God which condemned you and abandoned you, but you can't forgive us who are human as you are?"_

"Shut up!" Allen cried out, "I didn't ask your opinion!"

"_But you MUST listen to me, for I am a part of yourself and you can't ignore me…"_

"You're not a part of me," the teen protested, "you're an intruder who was placed inside me."

"_Maybe," _the Noah admitted, _"but I think you'd have become a Noah even if I didn't exist. You think as a Noah, Allen."_

"I don't! " the teen protested, shocked. Noahs were those as Road, Tyki, Skin Boric, Lovely, those people who enjoyed making people suffer, weren't they? What could he have in common with these people?

"_Idiot," _the Fourteenth answered, _"do you really believe that a Noah is a sadist and that's all? You have know Road, you have heard what's in her heart; you've have seen Tyki's human friends; you've listened to Lovely's desperate crying when she thought Wisely had died. Do you really think they're just sadists? They're full of hate and pain of course, but they're not mere assassins. Think about it: who was the one who filled their heart with such feeling? Wasn't it the God you all at the Black Order worship? Wasn't Him the one which gave to you exorcists and to us Noahs this burden and destined us to fight each other?" _the Fourteenth paused and Allen said nothing.

"_You know it, Allen: all Noahs __have a heart which is filled with virtues and vices as those of every human. The only real sadist is God. It's no use to say: "we can't comprehend his reasons so we can't judge him". Sufferance is there and it's real, no matter what priests say, and God was the one who tried to transform something so ugly in something positive. He said: "if you suffer for a right cause I'll give you reward one day", but what's the meaning of this? Once you have lost something, you've lost it, there is nothing that can give you that back. Whatever God has in store for you, will that give you Mana back? Will it repay the sufferance you felt when he died? Or when you killed him? You know it better than me, Allen: it won't. Nothing is worth sufferance. Paradise, God, or whatever it is: they're not worth sufferance." _ The Fourteenth concluded.

Allen said nothing for a long while. It was partially true, he knew: sufferance was terrible and God cruel and then? He had never fought for God or for a holy war, he had always fought for the people around him, for the pitiful spirits of akuma that only he can see. That's it, Allen thought, he had done his best to fight the pain of those around him, that was all: the little dream of a little boy who had had enough of sufferance.

"_Exactly!" _the Fourteenth added, _"That's exactly what we Noahs do as well: we destroy you humans because you are the weapons God created to destroy us, our little family. We have always been the ones who opposed God and his evil plans. That's all. All we want is a world without sufferance for those dear to us, for our family. We fight for our family as you do for your friends. Aren't we the same? That's why I said you think more as a Noah than as a human: because you fight for those around you and not for God."_

"But why should God be evil?" Allen asked, desperate.

"_And why should he be good?" _was the immediate response, _"To tell you the truth,"_ the Fourteenth said, _"I think God is so far away from us that things as good and evil holds no significance for him. Probably for him it makes no difference."_

"But that's absurd!" Allen protested,

"_It is, but it probably is the truth. __Why should something absurd be impossible? Look at you: you believe God is cruel, you don't trust him, and yet here you are in a cell waiting to be killed. For who are you doing this? Of course not for you and surely not for your friends, so? For who are you doing this? Do you believe He will give you a reward if you don't disobey to His Order?"_

"Of course not!" Allen protested once again.

"_Then why are you still here? Why didn't you ask me to take you away from here? I thought you had decided to rely on my strength if that could help you reaching your aim."_

"I don't want to run away! It would be as to say: I'm guilty."

"_That's not a matter of innocent or guilty, that's a matter of living or dying."_ The Fourteenth declared.

"It's the same, at least for me," Allen answered with decision, "I won't run away!"

"_We'll see that…"_ were the last words the Noah pronounced before disappearing once again.But he would have come back, Allen was sure of it.

It was always like that: the Fourteenth came, he tempted him with that kind of speeches and then he went away leaving him the time to think about it for a while before returning. And it was always worse, always more angry. And Allen could understand him, but he knew that wasn't the right way to do things and he didn't care if the word right meant nothing to God for he meant a lot to him: the human boy Allen Walker, exorcist and Noah at the same time.

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_**From Christine Leverrier's diary…**_

_8__th__ May, 1743_

_My good diary, _

_I'm in such a deep state of shock that I MUST write something in order to preserve some rationality. I never really felt fear before in my life and that's probably why I'm so weak in a moment when I should be stronger than I usually am. May God damn the blessed luxury in which I've lived till now, ignorant of all the perils of the world, ignorant of what it means to be chased and threatened by an unavoidable and dangerous someone. _

_You have surely understood who this someone is. Of course I'm talking of Mr Amatus! He, who was my blonde Angel, my saviour, my antidote against Lord Tyki, he is now the demon who threatens my freedom, my honour, my sanity, my life._

_After what had happened yesterday, I spent all the day in my room trying to avoid being alone with him, though I couldn't escape from things as breakfast, lunch, tea, and so on. In those occasions I actually obliged myself to look normal, but obviously there wasn't a trace of the ancient intimacy which had tied me and Mr Amatus before. All the family noticed (and here you can see how bad I am at acting. I wonder if I'm really fit for the spy role), but fortunately no-one guessed how tragic my situation was and they spent the whole morning joking about lovers' fights. I mean: lovers's fights. Since when did I and that beast become lovers? Maybe he thought of us this way, but I never did and I tried to explain this to Road, but I'm not sure she understood for she chuckled and said:_

"_Don't worry Christine. I know your heart is devoted to Tyki till the end of times". No, diary, I really think Road didn't understand anything at all. _

_Anyway, that was a good excuse to keep on avoiding Mr Amatus and so I did till the afternoon, while Road was taking French and German lessons. I took the precaution not to walk in the garden all by myself, but I decided to spend that spare time in the living room with Lady Lulubell. She's a quiet woman, but she's very sharp and I didn't mind spending some hour with her. Plus, I thought Amatus would have never dared to hurt me when such a lady was present. Well, I was wrong for he did dare instead. _

_Me and Lulubell were gossiping about the last crazy idea of King George, when he entered triumphantly in the room. I had never noticed before how theatrical his gestures are, but this time I found just ridiculous the way he was advancing in the living room, as if he was the hero of some tragedy. He greeted us saying: "Hail!". I mean, how many centuries has passed since the last time someone said such a thing? "Hail"… Where did he pick such an obsolete word from? Was he trying to imitate Shakespeare? How ridiculous…_

_Anyway, he came towards Lady Lulubell and asked her if she could kindly leave the two of us alone since he had to speak with me about a very serious matter. I tried to protest, but it was no use: Lady Lulubell left and I remained with him in a locked room. Yes, because he locked the door also while I was unable to speak a single word as scared as I was. It was terrible. After having locked the door, Mr Amatus looked at me with those cold, scary eyes I've recently learned to recognize and his blue-ocean eyes seemed to me the dwell where I was going to sink if nobody would have come to my rescue. His long, blond hair, which I have admired so much in the past, seemed now to my eyes sterile straw which would have soon be burned, reducing me to ashes along with him. His face was a barren land where I couldn't find any comprehension and pity. _

_The moment I saw that expression, I knew that he wasn't reasoning anymore and that I was lost. He could have done whatever he wanted to me in that locked room and no-one would have even known. I began to tremble._

"_So, miss Leverrier," He said coming closer, his eyes fixed on my scared face, "did you think over what I told you yesterday in the garden?" he concluded, towering my tremble figure. I didn't answer anything, fearing his reaction, but this only had the effect to make him angrier probably because he grabbed my chin with his right hand and took my head near his face obliging me in a very uncomfortable position._

"_Why do you answer nothing, Christine?" He asked using my first name, his hold more violent. I got angry._

"_Let me go…" I gasped under him, but it was no use. His hand on my skin gave me a horrible feeling and nothing in __him could seem beautiful to my eyes in that moment. Nothing. The hateful face came nearer:_

"_I don't care about your opinion anymore, you know?" he asked me, "In all honesty, I never cared in the first place, but now it has become useless even to pretend… So boring…" he declared before forcing me down on the sofa and pushing his lips on mine. It was horrible, even if he was so beautiful that it would take anyone's breath away, it was horrible. I felt invaded, violated, destroyed, just by feeling his lips on my skin. There are no words to describe the horror and the fear I felt. I rejected him back. _

_I still don't know how could I manage to push away a tall big man, but I did. Maybe it was the fear. He looked back at me and what I saw in his eyes were the depths of Hell. The grim on his face told me clearly he wouldn't have stopped. _

_I screamed. _

_In that moment the door slashed open and Lord Tyki entered the room. It was evident that he had kicked the door with all his strength. How else could he have managed to break the lock? I looked up at him: his handsome face was fierce, furious and I felt so relieved that I thought I would faint. I still wonder why did I felt so relieved: I had no certainty that he would have saved me; after everything I had said to me he should have left me there and lock me up with Amatus inside that hateful room once more. But he didn't. _

_Lord Tyki remained there, near the door, unmoved, his fierce gaze focused on Mr Amatus. His nephew quickly understood that he was not going to let him do as he pleased and left the room shrugging, without giving me another glance. I buried my face in the pillow or the sofa. _

_I did honestly thought that at this time Lord Tyki would have left leaving me alone, but once again he surprised me coming near me and gently obliging me to rise my head. He stared at me for some moment, searching for any injury probably, but he said nothing. I thanked God he didn't ask me something as stupid as: "Are you feeling well?". I stared back at him with all the pride and the bravery I could scrape together at a time like that. He smiled and for once his smile was warm, not threatening. _

_I thought he was going to say: "I told you this would have happened, and you refused to listen to me!" but he didn't say anything of the kind. I would have liked to thank him, but when I spoke other words and other feelings found their way:_

"_Why did you save me?" I asked and my voice was full of rebuke. _

"_Did you wanted me to let him do?" he asked, "I'm sorry, next time I will."_

"_No!" I shouted before realizing what I was doing and I grabbed his arm. He smiled again and this time his expression was more similar to the seducing grim I knew. I felt like I was finally able to breathe once again after a very, very long apnoea. So ironical, I thought. I had been close to Amatus hoping that he would be my antidote against Lord Tyki and now it was him who had saved me from Amatus' claw. If the situation wasn't that tragic I would have laughed out loud at my own stupidity. And yet, I would not repeat the same mistake twice. It was true that Lord Tyki had saved me, but I knew far too well that he was everything but a knight in shining armour. And he clarified it immediately: _

"_Don't fool yourself," he said, "I didn't do it for you, I just hate that bastard's methods." He smirked and my heart jumped against my will in response. I wanted to be angry at him for his rude words, but the truth was that I didn't care. He was smiling at me and that was enough, I didn't care for his words, he always tells lies anyway._

"_So, you did it only because you hate him?" I answered and once again my voice sounded more severe than I wanted it to. _

"_No," he assured me quickly, "I did it also to gain my reward." _

"_Your reward?"_

"_Yes, I want a kiss from you as payment." He declared shamelessly, am innocent smile on his lips._

"_No way." I answered_

"_Go on, that's not big deal!" he told me._

"_No way!" I repeated. At this point he quickly brought his face near mine and stole the kiss I refused him. He stopped on my lips for a long time but I didn't reject my stalker. _His_ lips upon mine didn't seem out of place, it just felt so right... I wasn't scared, nor horrified as I had been of Amatus. And he was gentle and determinate at the same time. I know I shouldn't say it, but I would have liked that moment to go on forever! Really, I don't know what had gotten into me, but I felt terribly hot as if flames were consuming me and his kisses were… I have no words to describe it. Is this love? Is this passion? If it's not, then it's a good imitation of it I guess._

_At the end I pulled him away, but it was more to regain a bit of dignity than anything else. I knew I HAD to push him away, but I didn't want to. Still, I performed my duty as a respectable lady of this century and I gave him a threatening glance:_

"_Don't dare to do anything like that anymore, or I'll kill you." I said putting in those words all the determination and the courage I had left, but he just laughed and its sound made my heart lighter. I would have liked to ask him why was he laughing, but I didn't have enough breath to speak any more words. Then he shook his heard and walked away, leaving me alone, before I could add anything._

_My diary, I fear I'm in love. When did it begin?_

_I can't help but think continuously about him and his soft lips… but I SHOULD be angry with him for what he did. And I am, I'm mad at him indeed, but the problem is that the desire I felt for him is much more intense than anger. I don't know how I should act towards him, towards Amatus and so on. I'm not as stupid as to believe that the bastard will leave me alone from now on, no, he will surely try to hurt me again and I should concentrate about what I can do to avoid it. Still, it looks like my mind isn't going to work: it's all numb. _

_I'm scared as Hell by Mr Amatus threats, but I would be a liar to deny that the mere thought of Lord Tyki is enough to make me forget the fear. And yet I know, for I'm not THAT stupid, that he's not going to save me as if I was a damsel in distress. I know that everything he'll eventually do will be for his own advantage and not for my sake; I know that he'll probably use me as Mr Amatus would like to, but… I can't do anything about that. More exactly, I'm not sure I want to do something about that. I know it's stupid, but I almost don't mind being used by him._

_Oh, diary, do you hear how I speak? I must be a total idiot, a complete failure, but that is. He charms me as no-one was ever able to and I just can't resist. He's a liar, a bastard, he uses me, he hides his real cruel nature under t__hat fabulous appearance and yet I think that that's why I can love him after all. If he was a good person I would feel terribly guilty at the thought that I'm using him to accomplish my mission as a spy, but being him no better than me… I feel that I can face him on equal foot. I don't have to feel remorse while lying to him, I don't have to think of myself as a monster because I'm using him for he's doing the same. Do you understand what I mean, my diary? There is a strange, perverse symmetry between us and that's what makes him irresistible to me more than his gorgeous look or anything else._

_Now it's time to go to sleep… I'm so tired after everything that happened today!_

_Christine Leverrier_

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**Author's notes—the beauty and the beast**

**This chapter was 11 pages long in the old Microsoft word. Do you think it's enough to make myself forgiven for the previous, short chapter? I hope it is. It took me three days to write this and I'm so tired… Uff…**

**From now on there will be a lot of Kanda and Cassandra… Tell me if you like them! I do love them, but I wonder if Kanda isn't a bit too OOC… I fear so… **

**Please review!**


	34. Chapter 34 Unfortunate mission

**Hi people, here we are with the XXXIV chapter!**** The other day I re-read the first chapter. I wanted to cry. How could I be so bad at writing? It has passed only a year since then! But what worries me more is that I'm probably still horrible at writing in English! I'm depressed… I know: I'm boring you to no end with my crisis of depression, but I am this annoying even in real life so think of yourself as lucky because you don't live in the same city I do! ^^ Ok, now I have exaggerated… Maybe…**

**Still, enough with my mental crap and go on with the chapter! **

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own DGM. If I had innocent people like Allen would have never existed because my characters are all twisted ^^" (Author: "No, Cassandra dear, I didn't mean you're twisted, really, please don't call Sokaro! Don't kill me! - Author dies - Cassandra IS actually twisted -)**

**Soundtrack for this chapter:**

**The "Jubilee" album by Versailles, all of it, and **

"**Mad about you" by S****ting**

"**Bad romance" by lady Gaga**

_**CHAPTER XXXIV—**_**UNFORTUNATE MISSION**

_Headquarters of the Crow section, morning_

After another sleepless night, the last in a series or many others, Link seated in a corner of the room which had been his once, before he had started working at the "Walker case". It was a very simple room with white walls and a bed of white wood as its only furniture. The floor of equally white marble was covered in dust, but Link couldn't care less: he had more important maters to deal with.

The general impression the room gave was simply… white. It communicated an idea of emptiness and distance which suited very well a member of the Crow. Link had loved that room once, the perfect order which reigned in that surreal world, an illusion of purity, and the transparency of such a place where nothing could be hidden. Now the inspector found himself hating that space.

Someone knocked at the door of the room but Link didn't care to answer or maybe he didn't hear it in the first place. It has been all day that people of lower rank than him came to compliment him for his accomplished mission. They said things as:

"_Good work, Link-san, as always"_, or _"You're great, a model for us all!"_

They were expression of genuine admiration that the Inspector was used to hear and they usually didn't disturb him (he was the first ranked among the Crows after all and it was only normal for the younger members to wish to imitate him), but this time was different.

This time things just didn't feel right.

But how could they be? Allen had been arrested all of a sudden, without any proof against him, and he- Link- could do nothing to avoid it, because he had known nothing of what was going to happen until a special squad had broken inside Allen's room with a signed document which authorized them to arrest the exorcist. Link's protests had no value. What was the meaning of being the first ranked among the Crows if his opinion about the case _he _was following meant nothing at all?

Link wanted to feel angry, more than angry, furious, but he couldn't: he was too hurt to feel anything else. He was hurt because Allen, his friend, his "personal saint", the person he had learnt to love, had been captured and would have probably been killed soon, but that wasn't all. At the end things had gone as his pessimism had predicted long ago: he hadn't been able to do anything for Allen while the boy had revolutionized everything in his life, but that wasn't the only reason why he felt hurt.

What was really driving him mad in that moment, what had hurt him the most, was that Leverrier had told him nothing. The Commandant had signed the document which allowed Allen's arrest and had said nothing to Link. And yet he had known how Allen was an important person to him! Why hadn't he advised him of what would have happened? Could it be that Leverrier hadn't trusted Link? Could it be that the French had doubted his loyalty and thought him able to betray him? He, Link, who had dedicated his whole life to please Leverrier?

The mere possibility that such a scenario could be true was enough to drive the Inspector crazy. Had he wasted his life dedicating it to a man who hadn't been able to recognize the undying loyalty Link felt towards him? All the effort he had made to become the best and serve him, had it been useless? The inspector couldn't accept it and yet he didn't know what he should do. (Author: is that expression correct in English? I have some doubt… Please correct me if there is bad grammar in the chapter!)

Had he to remain there pretending that everything was alright? Or should he had gone visiting Allen? The boy surely felt miserable in that moment and he should have gone seeing him the sooner even if he wasn't sure the guards would allow him… but there was also a third option and it was _this_ option which tempted the Inspector the most in that moment. He could go asking Leverrier what was the truth.

He was dying to do so, but was it ok with him doing such a thing? He feared the moment he would have to face the Commandant, he feared both his answer and his silence, but he had to do it: just waiting and doing nothing had never resolved things. If he wanted an answer, he just had to go there and ask his question; he didn't want to stay in silence and kept within him the diffidence and the sorrow Leverrier's behaviour had created inside him for fear that those feelings would destroy their bond one day.

That's why Link stood tall and directed his quick paces towards the Commandant office.

While walking he didn't allow himself to think about what could happen for fear to loose his courage, but when his right hand knocked soundly on the impressive door he felt all the fear of before coming back.

"Come in." Leverrier deep voice ordered and Link obeyed, as always. He obeyed as he had always done and always would do if only he was given the chance to. He entered ignoring the tremor of his hands shaking uncharacteristically. But once he was in he doubted his eyes: was the man staring back at him really his beloved Commandant?

Leverrier could be loved or hated, but he was always respected because he was fierce, determinate, always on the first line. He never redrew, never hesitate, he always struggled till the very end, never surrendering. One could appreciate his work or think of him as a bastard who had to be killed as a rabid dog, but no-one could avoid feeling some amount of respect towards him. You're wondering why I'm saying such things now? Because Link could hardly recognize the person in front of him in that description.

Leverrier eyes were red and wide as if he was under the effects of some drug , his gaze was anxious as it wandered restlessly in the room and his hands were trembling slightly. Dark, deep shadows underlined his tired eyes.

"Commandant?" Link greeted him hesitant as if he had some difficulty recognizing him. As soon as his eyes met those of his subordinate Leverrier showed a sorrowful expression and for a moment the Inspector believed he was going to cry. The Commandant didn't answer to his greeting, but said instead:

"I knew you'd have come." There was an apologetic smile on his face as he was saying so, something so unlike him! He was the wild man who never regretted, never forgave, never apologized no matter what, but there was no trace of such a person in him now.

"What happened to you, Commandant?" Link asked as his worry overcame the anger.

"Nothing much." He answered with an half smile, "That's just what three days without sleeping can do to a man who's turning old." Link didn't know what to say and, before he could think of a delicate way to ask more, Leverrier continued:

"What about you, Link?" he asked instead in that confidential way which usually made the Inspector so happy, "I hurt you terribly, didn't I?" he paused for a moment, but Link was too slow to deny it before he started talking again: "I won't say that I'm sorry or that I regret it, I won't apologize," the Commandant declared fiercely though the tiredness, "it would be stupid and, more than this, it would be a lie for I'd do it once again if I had the chance, but… I'm sorry to have hurt you Link-kun."

The Inspector's heart stopped for a second. Since when had Leverrier become considerate towards his subordinate? He never was, but Link didn't doubt a word of what he had said for the Commandant he knew would never lie, no matter what, he'd have stated the truth in all his cruelty, mercilessly. So, if the Commandant had said he was sorry for having hurt him, it was true and Link was stupidly happy that he had thought of him as something more than a mere subordinate for even a second. It was enough.

"Don't misunderstand me," Leverrier said immediately after, "I'm not apologizing, I don't think to have done anything wrong, I'm just saying I'm sorry you have to suffer for all this."

"Don't worry about me, my Commandant" Link answered with the usual loyalty and sincerity.

"I do not worry," Leverrier explained, "it'd been useless to worry, I know you're stronger than this, but I still hurt you, didn't I?" Link was silent for a second and then almost shouted:

"Why didn't you tell me, Commandant? Didn't you trust me?" He had finally said it! The question which was driving him crazy: he had said it! Leverrier eyes widened in response as if he hadn't expected that question, but something else:

"That's all you have to ask me?"

"Yes, it is." Was the immediate response.

"I never doubted you, Link-kun. It just happened all of a sudden. It wasn't me who ordered Walker's arrest. I just had to sign the permission and take all the blame on myself." The French explained and there was a strange shade of kindness in his voice, something the Inspector had never heard before. Link felt so relieved that he wanted to cry, but he worked hard to suppress his feelings.

"I received a letter two days ago: it was a direct order of the Pope. I had to arrest Allen Walker that very night without telling anything to anyone. It had to look like he had vanished. No-one but the Crow had to know the truth about his disappearance. I didn't have the time to advise you, Link-kun. I shocked you that much?"

"No, my Commandant," The Inspector lied with a half-voice, "Whatever you decide is fine with me: I'll follow your orders at any costs. I've always followed you and always will, personal matters won't stop me. Whatever you decide is right to my eyes." Link confessed and it was all true. He could try to convince Leverrier to change his decisions, but if his attempts failed, he knew, he would follow him regardless of anything else. He had always existed only for that man: Malcom C. Leverrier.

"Whatever I decide is right to your eyes?" the French asked kindly, "Are you sure of it?"

"I am."

After Link's response there was a brief silence. Leverrier was thinking.

"I thought so once," the Commandant confessed tiredly from the other side of the desk, "I honestly thought that I'd follow _his_ orders my whole life, but then… I began to doubt. Tell me, Link-kun, if you were to find out something horrible, if you were to discover that the man you serve probably is more of a devil than your enemies, what would you do?" he asked with real interest. The Inspector felt his eyes staring back at him expecting a response. Link wondered what he should answer and at the end he decided to spoke the truth:

"There are cases where right or wrong means little. Sometimes all that matters is if we love this person. If we do, it may happen that we can't care less if he's right or wrong, we want to support him and protect him the same because we would be ready to face everything for him, even the depths of Hell if it was the case. But if we don't like that person, then right and wrong assume great importance and we base our decision on them."

Leverrier laughed: "Well said! That's absolutely true, Link-kun, but don't say it out loud: people here would kill you if the were to hear you because following your reasoning one could really end up serving a demon!"

"I'm sorry if I spoke too much, Commandant." Link excused himself.

"No, it's all right: you gave me the honest answer I wanted." Leverrier smiled mischievously, then added: "One last question Link-kun: what would you do if two people you love were to fight each other as enemies?" there was a sad light in the Commandant eyes, but Link was tempted to smile: he had understood! Leverrier had understood perfectly in what kind of situation the Inspector was and didn't blame him for it!

"I still haven't find an answer, my Commandant, all I can say is that it is difficult. Very difficult. It's hard not to betray ourselves and those persons we love at the same time." He confessed. Leverrier nodded in agreement. He seemed a little more himself now: his hands weren't shaking anymore and his gaze had regained a little of the determinate, cruel light they possessed.

There was a long moment of silence when Link didn't have anything to say and Leverrier wasn't sure if he had to speak what was in his mind. At the end the French broke the silence with a low, confidential voice:

"I've discovered something very particular Link-kun. Something which is destroying all my ancient beliefs. I'm reading the memories of a person who witnessed to the very origins of the Order and then disappeared, a person who knew more than any of us about what the Order and the Noahs are."

"_He _knows that you have such a thing?" Link asked.

"Of course not. If the Pope knew I'm reading such a thing he would take it away from me and destroy it, but I can't allow it. It would be too cruel. They made her body disappear, they cancelled every trace of her existence, the only thing left is this diary, the only desperate testimony which proofs that stupid girl ever existed. Destroying that diary would be too cruel, it would be like killing her twice and this time… it would be definitive."

"She was killed?" the Inspector asked surprised.

"I don't know, I still haven't finished reading, but she knew too many things, her name was erased by every document and her room walled up along with all her belongings. Don't you think there are high chances that someone made her disappear?" Link nodded in response.

"What I want to know," Leverrier continued, "is who killed her. Who's the killer: the Noahs or the Order?" He asked to no-one in particular and both him and Link remained in silence, wondering.

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_11th May, 1743 _

_I'm sorry, my diary, for having written nothing in the last three days. I'll only say that I __had neither time nor sanity to fulfil my duty and describe what happened. To tell the truth, nothing really happened in reality, but in my mind and heart a lot of things changed without me really realizing it until it was too late. _

_Lately I've been strangely successful in my attempt to avoid Amatus, but I suspect someone helped me to reach this goal. In all honesty, I firmly believed that Tyki told everything to Road and that she did her best to keep him away from me, but I have no proof so… All this remains an idea, a phantom of my excited mind._

_Still, I couldn't avoid the strange, terrifying looks he gives me now and then every time that our eyes meet by chance. And do you know what Lord Tyki did in all this? Nothing, absolutely nothing, he just keeps on staring at me with that smirk on his face, as if he knows everything about me and he was sure I'm already head over heels for him. Well, it's true, I can't deny I like him, but from where did all his confidence come from? It annoys me beyond reason. _

_Sometimes, when I stare at him I feel so angry with him… I would like to rise on my feet and slap him with all my strength; I'd like to tell him that he understood nothing, that I'm not like those ugly bitches that ogles over him. Sometimes I seriously think about it: I would go in front of him and cry out that I hate him so much and I would take such a pleasure from the sight of his upset face! Then I would tell him something like this:_

"I never loved you, you know? Do you really think anyone can love someone as cruel and selfish as you? You only used me, you bastard, and I'll make you pay from this, trust me! No-one in the world can hate you more than me so stop with that seductive glances you give me. I won't fall for your idiotic tricks. You think you've understood everything about me, don't you? Well, sorry to disappoint you, but you're so wrong! I'm a spy at the service of my family, you knew? And I'm here to watch your movements as well. I'll tell everything about your blackmailing to my father, trust me: he only waits for the right opportunity to crash you and I'll give him the excuse he needs. You were so wrong when you thought you could play with me…"

_Yes, I want so much to tell him something like this, I long so strenuously for a revenge of some kind on him, that I think I can actually do it, that I can really say it to him, that I can really cry it out on his very face. That's what I think, but then he turns towards me and he smiles in that confident and yet kind way of his. And his smile would be able to move Death itself to compassion. I stare at the lovely way his lips curves upward, I notice how his eyes are enlightened by kindness as he looks at me and then… Then I smile in return with more passion than I'd like to and all my plans of revenge shatter into pieces. _

_That's how it is: I'm constantly defeated by him. _

_I can't help it, I l…like him. I still can't bring myself to pronounce that word: "love". I don't like it, it makes me feel as if everything is already decided, to me that word means "surrender". I hate it. And that's why I like Tyki. I know I don't have to surrender to stay with him, I don't need to belong to him in order to love him and be loved as well. When I'm with him I never think about a long-lasting relationship, he doesn't make me feel caged. I guess that's another of the reasons why he looks irresistible to me. _

_I know that as a lady from a noble family I should be interested in marriage and refuse any other kind of relationship with men, but I'm not like that. I don't want to be a prisoner of a hateful husband as my mother is. I don't want to become like her. I want to be better; I want to be free, even if this obstacles every common sense and decency. I don't care. To me, Lord Tyki represents all this: the contradictory, the mystery, the rebellion against society, the passion, the adventure, everything that's prohibited everything exciting. _

_I long for rebellion, I long to destroy myself and everything around me, I know, I've always known. I must be mad… but that's me and I can't repudiate myself to accept common sense. I'm not going to. That's the first thing which changed in these last three days: I understood I don't care anymore about what people thinks. I like Tyki, I desire him and whatever will happen between us two, be it so. I'm not going to regret anything of the time I'll spend here in England from now on._

_The second thing I realized is that I really care about my mission instead. From now on I'm not going to be a spy to obtain my father approbation (I can't care less about a man who always refused to see me as a human being in the first place), but for myself, to gain a place in this world. Since I'm not going to be a normal married woman, I have to find a role of some kind that I want to perform and the idea of being a spy of profession doesn't displease me. With my beauty and my fake innocent smile I can do it, I can seduce men around me and obtain every kind of information I want. Yes, I want my life to be like this._

_Someone may say I've chosen a lonely, sad path, but I'm fine with it as long as I'll be special and loved by everyone around me. I don't care if it's all a fake: if I can't have real happiness then I want at least an everlasting, sweet illusion. _

_Christine Leverrier_

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_Headquarters of the Black Order, evening_

It was true that Cassandra had decided to torment Kanda, but she hadn't expected destiny (aka Supervisor Komui Lee) to give her a hand. That's why she was far more than surprised when she entered his office and found out that the swordsman was already there, seated on an old woody chair, waiting for her.

Somehow she managed to hide her surprise as she entered and she seated next to him with nonchalance without giving him a single glance. Kanda dedicated her a murderous glare but she didn't even flinch. He was annoyed by her, his dark aura was enough to make her sure of it, but she only smiled to herself: teasing him was so amusing! She bet he was still thinking about what she had said the week before, the day of Allen's disappearance. Maybe she had exaggerated when she had told him she only wanted him because he was beautiful. That was not the real reason of course, but it had been still funny to see the expression he made. It had been worth it, or so she had thought at that time, but knowing that he was still mad at her made her wonder. Komui's voice interrupted her childish thoughts:

"Do you know why you're here, Cassandra-san, Kanda-kun?" the Supervisor asked with a fake smile (even Kanda could read the anxiety which lied at the bottom of his eyes). Both the exorcists shook their head in deny, though it was easy to imagine what the matter was: a new mission. And infact they were right.

"I have a new mission to trust you," Komui said directly, "and I don't want to hear any complain from your part." He ordered, but to say "do not complain" to Kanda is the same to make a hippopotamus perform a classical ballet: impossible.

"What do you mean by: do not complain?" the swordsman immediately interrupted him, "What if I don't want to go anywhere with this freak?" he asked pointing rudely at the woman beside him. Cassandra almost smiled in amusement: she had been called in many ways, but "freak" still wasn't in the list; until she had met Kanda of course. It was terribly funny how that guy was undeniably attracted by her though he hated her; it was almost irresistible. It made her want to make a little more fun out of him, just to see if he would have come to the point when he would have tried to kill her. Still, Komui didn't give her the time to satisfy her curiosity:

"Kanda-kun, I'm tired of telling you, but I'll repeat it one more time: missions are not for personal enjoyment, they are _your _duty. And now that we are at it, let me tell you one thing once for all: I can't possibly care less if you don't enjoy your partner's company. This is work: you don't have to be friends at all costs; it's enough if you don't kill each other as far as I'm concerned. End of the story, and I won't hear another word about it. Clear?" Komui was obviously exasperated and even Kanda realized that it wasn't the right time to push his luck, so he just let out a low noise which sounded as a "tsk" before turning his gaze away. Cassandra watched the whole scene in silence and couldn't help but chuckle in secret: they were so childish! Even more than her.

"So," Komui continued tiredly, "I was introducing you your next mission. The country is Sweden and your aim is the ancient city of Örebro. A squad of finders has studied that city and the strange legends about it for three years, but it has been four months since their last report arrived. I want you to check out the situation, but I warn you: the probability of finding anyone still alive is very low. Instead you must expect a huge amount of akuma, even if there is also the chance that they already found what they were searching and left…" Komui added sadly.

"In that case, you must return to the Order the sooner: we're lacking exorcists and we can't afford to send you where you aren't needed, right? Did you understand everything?" he asked nervously.

The two exorcists nodded in response.

"Well, your train will leave tomorrow at five in the morning. That's all. Good luck." With these words Komui quickly dismissed them and the two exorcists found themselves standing in silence in front of the Supervisor's office. The usual awkward silence fell on them.

"So," Cassandra said after a little while, "it was an impression of mine or he was really nervous?"

"Are you idiot or something?" Kanda replied harshly, "Of course he's nervous, everyone would be at his place." Cassandra just shrugged in response making him furious:

"Tell me one thing," he asked, "do you really don't get in what kind of situation we are, or you simply don't wish to comprehend other people's feelings?" Cassandra stared back at him with her big terrifying eyes and he regretted every single word which had escaped from his mouth. He had to learn how to keep quiet one day or another. Not that he had ever had any trouble at staying mute till then, it was just that she annoyed him so much that he always ended up saying things he didn't think. She scared him and he reacted telling idiocies. It was something very, very difficult for him to accept. He was used to _scare _people, not to_ be scared_ by others. He was still reflecting on that when Cassandra gave him her answer:

"I just find you're too complicate." She stated, "You people can transform something very stupid in something terrifying and without any reason. You just surprise me, that's all. It's not like I want to make fun out of you." She lied.

Kanda groaned with irritation because he hadn't gotten the answer he wanted:

"Then," he declared, "We would better go sleeping, knowing what tomorrow has in store for us." He ordered.

"Do as you want," was the uncaring answer, "but I'll join the others in the Cafeteria." She informed him and walked away without giving him a chance to reply. Kanda was tempted to shout something at her, but then he realized it would have been a very, very stupid reaction, so he just groaned once more and went to his room to sleep like the good boy he was. He couldn't hear Cassandra chuckling at the other side of the corridor.

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_City of Örebro, Sweden, morning_

Seated under a tree in the garden of the inn where they were staying, Kanda you was thinking over his last mission. It hadn't been difficult for a pair such as him and Cassandra to find the few last survivor among the finders, take the Innocence and destroy the akuma. He had to admit that had been the easier of all the missions he had ever had and not because the enemies were few, but because Cassandra was even stronger than him in a way. There wasn't much to do while she was around: she just had to want the akuma's destruction to obtain it. Her power was something frightening, they both knew it, and that's probably why she had done everything to hide it.

Kanda had witnessed her fighting before, he knew that she didn't have to move or avoid bullets, water would have protected her anyway, but this time she hadn't just stood there waiting for her Innocence to fight for her. He had been surprised to no end when he had seen her forging a sword of ice out o nowhere and attack the akuma the same way he could have done with Mugen. He didn't understand the utility of it: why should she risk and toil that much when it was not necessary? Wasn't it easier to give orders and let her Innocence do all the work for her?

In that moment, when he had seen her fight like that, for the first time he had really respected her…

_Kanda __was staring at Cassandra fighting in amazement, surprised and charmed by her endless courage: no matter how many times Death had brushed against her, she never flinched, she never hesitated, she never feared. _

_Having been so many years in the Black Order, Kanda had thought to be used to witness acts of courage, but in that moment he realized he had never known what courage was before. What his fellow exorcists used to show was not courage: in Allen's case was abnegation; for Tiedoll, Cloud and Marie it was right to speak about devotion to an ideal; Lenalee fought to defend what remained of her family, but… they all were fighting because they were somehow obliged to do it by their own feelings. They were all fighting for someone or something, they hadn't really made a choice and of course it was the same for him: he just had nothing else in life. _

_That's where Cassandra was different from them, that is where he could recognize pure courage: she wasn't fighting for someone, there were no ideals in which that cynic woman could believe, she was fighting only for herself because that was all which mattered to her. Her life was all she had and all she cared about, and yet she was risking it like that without fear or hesitation. _

_It__ was not like she didn't know what would have happened to her if she had done one single mistake. She knew perfectly what death was and she didn't expect to have another chance in another world like the members of the Order who fervently believed in God's existence. She thought that was the only opportunity she would ever have to live and yet she was joking with it, running unnecessary risks. Wasn't that real courage? Wasn't that thing so near to stupidity what should be called "being brave"? _

_She really didn't have any fear, or was it just an impression? She was not stupid, and she was not fatalist, he knew it. Probably she was just so far away from every feeling of fear that cowards like him could not even imagine what could be in her mind. He could only watch her and see the calm which her eyes mirrored while she avoided a mortal hit, but it was enough. It was enough for him to know that something like that existed, it was enough to know that there were people better than him who were never caged by fear. _

_Sometimes Kanda was really convinced that Cassandra was a better person than he wasi: beautiful, brave, powerful, with an aim in life probably, but as soon as he thought of that the fear returned. Her strength, her lack of fear, her mix of cruelty and kindness, that naivety which was so often fused with recklessness, it all scared him._

_When he stared at her fighting or doing things like that, it was like her full nature was exposed and he was frightened by her because it was clear that such a being could not be controlled by anything or anyone. Like a wild animal, she couldn't be tamed, she couldn't be turned to obedience, and she would have always remained horribly free and unpredictable. Sometimes too much freedom is dangerous and often there is no difference from absolute liberty and solitude. The sw__ordsman wondered if that was the reason why of the sadness he had seen in her in Rome, that night: the consciousness that she would have never been able to merge with the rest of humanity because she was stronger, she was braver, she was… simply something more. Was that the nightmare which was devouring her heart making her act cruel sometimes? _

_Still, it didn't matter the cause, the result was always the same: he was scared by the mere idea that someone like her could exist and that was probably why he was so aggressive against her: the more she proved to him her superiority, the more he felt the need to keep her away from him. Her courage, her recklessness scared him for they made him wonder if there wasn't another way to live, something different from his apathy, by his eternal surrendering to the way things were. _

_Now that he thought about it, that was also probably the same reason why he was so annoyed by the moyashi's naivety. Both of them made him think: "maybe all the sufferance I have inflicted and suffered was not necessary, maybe there was another way I didn't see because of fear, a way that would have saved many life". _

As always, the present Kanda under the tree thought, it was a matter of fear. He looked so brave and cool to others, but in the end he was a coward, he had always been, and fear was the main cause of all the things he regretted in his life. Damn it. He hated it, that feeling of self-compassion, that fear he had of everything. He wanted to put an end to that endless circle of misery, but he felt like caged in the Order. He couldn't escape, he couldn't change things. He wanted to believe that he was doing something good for the world at least, but in all honesty he couldn't care less about that abstract concept: _"the world". _

At the end it was clear to him: the only reason why he was in the Order was that he had nothing else in life, no alternative. He wondered if everyone felt like this eventually, but no answer occurred to him. It wasn't like people used to speak with him about their feelings very often anyway so there was no way he could know.

While he was in the middle of such melancholy thoughts he saw someone running towards him: it was one of the finders. Brief and efficient, the man clothed in white communicated him the day and the hour of the departure of the ship which would have taken them back to the Headquarters.

"_Maybe I should advise Cassandra…" _ Kanda thought as he raised on his feet and went inside the Inn, searching for her room.

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_Cassandra's room…_

If Kanda had known how much he'd have regretted it, he'd have never entered in that room.

The scene which was taking place under his eyes was something unbearable for his upset mind: in the middle of the room there was a bed and on it there was Cassandra, but she wasn't alone. She was sitting on the knees of the finder who had accompanied them in the mission and she was embracing him in an intimate way, her uniform unbuttoned, while he was kissing greedy her bare neck.

The man didn't even noticed that someone had entered in the room: his attention was focused on the woman in front of him and his gaze was full of blind adoration. The finder was looking at her as if she was an angel, a goddess, but he knew he was only her occasional lover.

The man didn't notice that Kanda had entered and seen them, but Cassandra did: she turned her head slowly towards the swordsman, but she didn't care to move from her embarrassing position. She stared at Kanda for some moment without any shame: her gaze was emotionless and impudent. It was obvious that she wasn't attracted at all by the man who was holding her and this, more than anything else, shocked and disgusted Kanda. His mind was telling him to leave that place immediately, but his body refused to move. It seemed so unreal…

He wasn't able to get free from Cassandra's gaze: he could only remain there and stare at her in the eyes without knowing what to do or say, as if she had casted a spell on him. And it really seemed that he was prisoner of some spell for as soon as she looked away the magic was broken and he ran away, though it was too late to avoid the sight of Cassandra kissing that man.

He knew it was a stupid reaction, but he walked away quickly, almost running, till he reached his room. He locked himself inside and only then he allowed himself to catch some breath. He knew that he was ridiculous, but he couldn't avoid being shocked.

What had him been thinking? Did he have thought that Cassandra would have been as pure and innocent as Angel was? No, of course, he already knew the perversion that woman hid under her shining appearance, but what he had just seen was too much for him.

To see Angel's body between the hands of one of those filthy men he had always abhorred! He couldn't bear that, and yet he knew he shouldn't have cared since Angel wasn't in that body anymore. Yes, his mind knew that Angel received no offence from Cassandra's behaviour, and he was firmly convinced that what that woman wanted to do with her body was her business only, but it still annoyed him to no end to witness to such a scene.

Was that jealousy? He asked to himself, but he answered immediately to his own question with a determinate: NO! Why should he have been jealous of Cassandra? He barely knew her and of course he didn't have feelings for her, he couldn't have. He was interested and curious about her, but that had nothing to do with such things as "love"! It was different from what he had felt for Angel: that was not love, nor jealousy. Yes, he concluded, he was only annoyed and embarrassed for having been obliged to witness to that scene. End of the story.

Then someone knocked at the door.

Kanda rose up and went to open, but the face he gazed at wasn't the one he was expecting. Not that he was waiting for someone in particular to come, but he would have never imagined she would have come that soon. Still, Cassandra was there, staring at him with an amused look on her face.

Kanda's first urge was to close the door and ignore her, he knew he wasn't strong nor intelligent enough to face her (he was always defeated during their little arguments), but he refused to do such a thing. After his reflection about how he always feared everything he didn't want to run away. He didn't want to act as a coward and refuse the confrontation.

He clenched his fists and prepared himself to listen to her, but he didn't let her come inside the room. Now Cassandra was _clearly _amused:

"Why do you act like this? I came all this way to apologize and you don't even let me in?" her voice was ironical; she was making fun out of him. Kanda stiffened feeling angrier than it was wise to.

"Oh, go on," Cassandra said before he could have the chance to reply anything, "Don't get angry so easily! Really, I came here only to apologize." she added. She was trying to calm him down, but there was a strange light in her eyes, something which advised Kanda not to trust her. Once again he didn't answer anything, so Cassandra just sighed and kept on talking:

"I know I've shocked you and I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. It must be hard for you to see someone else in the body of the friend you killed, and doing such things no less!" She said and gave him a little, mischievous smile. If she had stabbed him it wouldn't have hurt that much and she was conscious of it: she had said those things with the purpose to hurt him! She had lied when she had said that she was sorry; she had lied since the very start and she was enjoying her cruelty towards him.

Kanda was defenceless in front of her, as always: she knew exactly how to hurt him, while he knew nothing about her. He would have liked to say something to upset her and hurt her as much as he was, but everything he could think of sounded so stupid that he chose to remain in silence. As it was to be expected, he wasn't a man of thought, he was a man of action, and this kind of cruel jokes didn't suit him. He was always destinate to loose to her in that sort of psychological contest.

Kanda cursed himself. He had known he couldn't win against her since the very beginning, but still he had challenged her. What the Hell had passed through his mind? He should have closed the door as soon as he had seen her. Yes, he though, he should have done it since the start, but he was always in time to remediate. He tried to close the door on her face and for a second it seemed he was going to succeed (the woman had been too surprised to react), but as soon as he locked in, the door exploded in a thousand pieces.

Kanda's eyes met the furious gaze of Cassandra.

"What's going on?" she asked, her voice deeper than before, threatening, "I won't allow you to ignore me, Kanda Yuu. I won't let you." She raged. Kanda was tempted to chuckle: the whole situation was just ridiculous. She was acting like a little kid and, besides that, how was he supposed to ignore someone who had just blow up his door? He wondered.

"I wonder how you are going to accomplish that since I'm going to do my best to avoid even seeing you." He provoked her.

"And why is that so?" she mocked him, "Let me imagine: right now you're wondering why I'm trying my best to hurt your feelings, don't you? Tell me: are you cursing me? Do you hate me?" she asked, but once again she was not serious, she was just joking with him.

"I don't hate you," he confessed, "but I have no interest in you also." He added and it was only half true. He HAD interest in her, but being with her was so painful that he wasn't sure if the miserable results were worth the effort.

"You're lying." She declared immediately seeing right trough him. "You are interested, but the truth is that you care only about what you _want_ to see and I disappoint you. I've watched you: your eyes search for me continuously, I dare say I'm at the top of your thoughts lately, and yet the me you see isn't the one you want and desire. So you're disappointed and try to ignore me. But it's useless, your searching will always guide you towards me, isn't that so?" She asked and he had to confess to himself that she was right even if he didn't say it out loud.

"You look at me, but the one you want it's her: Angel." She declared. A terrible silence fell on the two as soon as she pronounced _her_ name.

"That's right," Kanda confessed realizing that it would have been stupid to deny, "sometimes I search in you some similarities with her, but I still couldn't find any."

"I'm not her." She pronounced slowly as if that sentence was the key of everything, "Still I know, because I could hear Angel's thoughts when I wanted to," she added, "that even when you were with her you were not satisfied. Even she wasn't enough for you: when you looked at her you searched for the reflexion of someone else in her eyes, as you're doing now with me. At that time it was _me_ you wanted to see and now that I'm here I'm not enough: you regret Angel. It was because she knew that the one you wanted wasn't her that she sacrificed herself in the end and now your aim changes so easily? How selfish of you…"

"Get out of here!" Kanda raged. He was tired of hearing her accuses. She didn't have any right to blame him, and he was also tired of her habit to speak about him and Angel as if she knew everything. It was too much, she was too arrogant, she was too…

"See?" she continued instead, "You're rejecting me again and that's because of your _cowardice._ If only you could defy the fear you felt, then you would be able to get free of the beloved lies you built to protect yourself; if you had that courage you'd break the chains you created and you'd be free to stare at the truth in the eyes. You'd not need to search anything anymore, you'd find the answers you want if only you were brave enough!"

"I don't understand you." He said and it was true. What was she desperately trying to communicate to him?

Then happened something he would have never expected.

She kissed him.

Kanda was surprised, so surprised he didn't react. A part of him, probably the instinctual one, had always desired to hold her between his arms and to kiss her, always, since that night when he had seen her for the first time and had witnessed to her desperation. Since that time, he had always longed for her, even if he hadn't been conscious of it, and he knew that the shock he had felt before was in great part due to jealousy, but now…

Now she was finally between his arms, her skin warm against his; now her lips were really on his. It felt like Heaven and yet he knew there was something wrong. It was supposed to be a romantic moment, but then why was that kiss so cruel and bitter? Why could he perceive such sadness and rage in the way her lips brushed his? Did her words of before taint even that precious moment of intimacy?

Maybe they had, or maybe not, but of one thing Kanda was sure: the pain that was turning him apart, the solitude and the bitterness he was experiencing, the mute bottomless desperation which covered everything, the madness and the frightening awareness which filled everything… all those were _her_ feelings, feelings that now she was communicating him trough the kiss because words just weren't enough to explain all that.

It felt like Heaven to finally have her with him, against him, on him, and yet there was something so wrong in that kiss! It wasn't like it was supposed to be, but Cassandra was still urging on his lips, her tongue slipping inside his mouth, and Kanda couldn't oppose, or maybe he just didn't want to. After all, who cared of how it should have been? That was what the present was giving him so why should he have refused it? What else could he expect? After all, she was what she was and it didn't matter what _he _wanted: he would always be only one of her three thousand puppets who were slaves of her beauty and charm.

It was at this point that Kanda's pride resurfaced and he pushed her away. She stood in front of him triumphantly. One of her three thousand puppets: he really was like that? Maybe he had been, but he wasn't going to tolerate it any longer. He wasn't going to be that woman's slave.

"You're awful." He declared brushing his lips with the right arm in a gesture of disgust.

"Then why didn't you reject me first?" she asked.

"I was surprised."

"Surprised?" she chuckled, "Do you expect me to believe that? The truth is that you're stupid and the only way I have to communicate with you is this." She declared. Kanda didn't understand a word of what she had just said, once again she was talking trough riddles, so he simply glared at her.

"I'll be going now," she declared with calm (she hadn't been even slightly impressed by his glance), "but you must do something for me."

"I won't do anything for you, you whore." He offended her, but she ignored his words completely and said:

"You must think over what I've said. You MUST get free of those chains." She declared solemnly and then left after giving him one last sad smile. The same smile she had given him that night, the same smile which had obsessed him for months.

The door was closed and Kanda cursed in a low voice. There was no need for her to say it: he would have been tormented by those riddle-like sentences anyway. What were the chains he had to break? He stupidly looked around him, but found no inspiration. He sighed and fell back on the bed. His fingers brushed his own lips. Had she really kissed him only a minute before? He had the impression it all had been only a dream, but he knew it hadn't. It was always like this when Cassandra was involved: everything seemed so strange and unnatural that he got the impression that there was nothing real.

Her words kept on tormenting him:

"_I've watched you: your eyes search for me continuously,_

_I dare say I'm at the top of your thoughts lately,_

_and yet the me you see isn't the one you want and desire._

_So you're disappointed and try to ignore me. But it's useless._

_Your searching will always guide you towards me, isn't that so?"_

It was true, he thought, so true that it was ridiculous she had realized it before him.

"_When you looked at her you searched for the reflexion of someone else in her eyes,_

_as you're doing now with me. At that time it was me you wanted to see_

_and now that I'm here I'm not enough:_

_you regret Angel._

_Kanda, what do you want?"_

It was terrible that she could see right trough him that way, but what tormented him more was something else: why did she care? Why was she joking with him? Was it a mere show of cruelty towards him? He didn't believe so though it was obvious that sometimes she enjoyed hurting him. It was as if she was searching to get a revenge of some kind on him. Revenge for what? He didn't know, but he had never understood her in the end, never. Never.

He felt that she wanted him to realize something, but what? She was waiting for him to understand that something, but then why couldn't she tell him herself? She was far too complicated for his taste; everything around that woman was just complicate. Why? Things had always seemed so simple to him, but when she was around… It was as if everything was transferred into another dimension where even facts of no importance whatsoever became fundamental.

No, he repeated to himself, there was no way he could understand her and her chains and her lies and… everything.

"_See? You're rejecting me again and that's because of your cowardice!"_

He was a coward? Yes, he had always been, he knew, cowardice was the reason why he had become an exorcist, the reason why he was still there at the Black Order, but no matter how much he hated it: cowardice was also the reason why he was still alive while all the _"others"_ had been disposed of. In his life, cowardice had always been the key of everything.

Kanda's mind was chaos in that moment, but of one thing he was sure: despite everything he couldn't feel angry towards Cassandra.

_**Author's notes- **_**MISERABLE**

**I guess it's true, lately I've felt really miserable for one thousand reasons. Plus, lately I read an interesting guide on "how to do terrible fanfictions" and I fear I've done almost everything that author c****omplained about in FALLEN GODS… So sad… I'm in such a bad mood lately that I can hardly bear someone else's presence. I must thank a friend of mine, Cristina, if I'm still a decent person because I'm just so angry and somehow desperate in these last days that it's as if I've gone insane. Maybe I am. I cry and laugh no stop for basically no reason. **

**Think about Cassandra's madly changing mood, now cruel, then loving and so on… Well, that's me. This is more or less the only thing Cassandra has of me fo****r I'm ****not**** beautiful, nor powerful, nor loved. Usually I'm hated though.. Does it count? I don't really care. Concerning Cassandra, I guess you've hated her in this chapter, haven't you? XD As I already said some week ago: hate the author, not the character! So, hate me, but love Cassandra for she's so much in need for love…**

**Anyway, what I wanted to say was that I' so****rry if this chapter is not well written (not that the others were, but still…), but for once this was long (twelve pages on the old Microsoft word).**

**Love you all guys, and review! You may end up making me happy if you do.**

**Goodnight to you all…**

**Eris92 **

**P.S.****Go to see my deviantart profile for pictures of FALLEN GODS' characters! (the link is on my profile also!)**

**I added a picture of Kanda and Cassandra together!**

**.com/**


	35. Chapter 35 Desperation and comfort

**Sorry for the soooo late update… I don't know how to make myself forgiven, so I'll just say one thing: This chapter is 15 pages long! Is this enough to explain why it took me so much to update? I hope so…**

**WARNING: When in this chapter Link speaks of love towards Allen, there is ABSOLUTELY NOT romance involved. ****His is a love born from friendship, respect, admiration, ecc… nothing to do with love between lovers, ok?**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own DGM. If I had, everyone would have loved Link and Leverrier the most. ****(Well, I hope I'm making you love Link a little with this fic still..)**

_**CHAPTER XXXV**_**- ****DESPERATION AND COMFORT**

_Vatican's prisons, evening_

After his last meeting with Leverrier, Link hadn't been able to think about anything else but Allen's fate. Once he had cleared his suspicions about Leverrier distrust, now that he was sure of the Commandant's feelings once again, there wasn't space for anything else but Allen in his mind.

Allen, Allen, Allen, Allen, Allen, Allen, Allen, Allen…

Till that moment Link had always felt divided between his loyalty to Leverrier and his love for Allen, but now that the Commandant himself wasn't sure of what was right, the Inspector felt authorized to side with the exorcist without feeling a traitor. After all, his loyalty had never been towards the Black Order or the Pope, but only towards the man who had saved the helpless child he had been.

Allen a traitor? No, Link knew better that this: he knew that the teen would have never been able to fight against his companions and friends, and he knew also there was no way that boy, who had only lived to save akuma till his childhood, would join the Earl. Not Allen, he wasn't like that: the Vatican was wrong, the Pope was wrong! But what could Link do? Should he had come to Rome, ask to speak with that man in person and tell him:

"Your Excellency, you're doing a huge mistake: free Allen Walker immediately. I know he's innocent even if I have no proofs."

The mere idea was ridiculous. He wouldn't have never been able to meet the Pope in the first place, let aside convincing him to let Allen go. Still Link wasn't going to give up; he wasn't going to let the exorcist die, but how? He had no plan and he had no intention to ask the Commandant for help. Link knew the situation of the Leverrier family, he knew of the oath they had made a century before and he didn't want to damage the French man in any way. Besides, even if he had, Leverrier's authority had no value against that of the Pope.

What could he do to save Allen? Organize a revolt at the Black Order? Convince the exorcists to rebel until the teen had been let free? It was an idea, but their "enemy" wasn't a comprehensive person and it was well known how heartless he could be towards the exorcists. They were_ his_ tools, _he_ could dispose of them as _he _wanted and _he_ would never tolerate disobedience. If the Pope had decided to put down in blood the insurrection, Link wouldn't have been surprised and the Inspector wasn't going to risk that. It wasn't right.

So, in the end, the Inspector had no idea of what he should do (author: what a change, eh? XD), but at least he knew what he wanted to do: he wanted to save Allen, and he wanted to see him. Now. That's why he was travelling in train in that moment, heading towards the Vatican to visit a certain white haired prisoner. The trip was slow, annoying and boring beyond imagination (especially considering he was using his days off to do that), but he was still going to see Allen! That was enough to give Link the strength to keep on thinking of a way to get the young exorcist free.

After a week of travelling, The Inspector finally got to reach Rome, the capital of the catholic empire governed by the Pope. Of course Link had been there many times before, but every time he gazed at the cupola of St Pietro projected by Michelangelo, and the huge piazza Bernini had built, whenever he saw Castel Sant'Angelo at dawn in all his splendour… in those moments he couldn't help but think the popes had done something good. Still, he knew that under the shining appearance there was something rotten that would have hardly been eradicated in that century or in the next one.

Shaking his head as to send away dangerous thoughts, Link moved on towards the offices of the Switzerland guards. It was enough for him to show the document which proved him to be a Crow to obtain the permission to go wherever he wanted, but the Walker case was something special. There was only one guard, appointed but the Pope in person, allowed to see that prisoner and even that guard wasn't allowed to speak a single word to that strange boy.

At these words Link felt the rage and pity rising inside him at the same time. Rage because Allen less than anyone else deserved such a treatment; rage because in that way no-one of the guards would have been able to recognize the deep goodness carved in the exorcist's soul and he would have remained a monster to their eyes for all the time of his stay. And then there was pity for that boy who seemed condemned to suspicion and loneliness despite all the good qualities he had. It was so unfair.

"Listen to me carefully," Link declared to the guards in an arrogant tone, "I've been in charge of the Walker case for a whole year under the orders of the Commandant Malcolm C. Leverrier. I'm the one who sent Walker here." The Inspector lied, " And I've travelled for two weeks to get here and ask to the prisoner a few more questions. Two weeks, do you understand me? I'm Inspector Howard Link, a member of the Crow, and I'm not going to accept a "no" from the likes of you. If you've understood what I've said let me pass im-me-dia-te-ly, otherwise…" he threatened them. By this time many of the guards had already paled visibly and a few more threats were enough to win any resistance.

He was taken down in the dungeons under the offices. His guide was making a bit of light with a fire torch for everything was utterly black down there. No light came from the outside. The awful smell advised Link that probably they were near the drainage. Horrible.

"Are all the prisoners all in these condition?" Link asked to the soldier.

"Of course not!" the young man replied shocked, "Here there are only the most dangerous elements: all those you'll meet down here are waiting for the death sentence because of unforgivable crimes as treason." Link gulped at hearing those words, but conserved a rigid composure.

Finally they reached Allen's cell and here Link's interpretation of a faithful inspector was seriously tested. Even inside the cell there was no light and the fire only allowed him to guess the exorcist's silhouette lying on the filthy ground, the face hidden behind his arms, the snow-white hair dirty as what remained of his clothes. Allen's bare arms looked so tiny… Evidently he wasn't eating as much as he should. Link's features stiffened with rage and indignation.

"Open the door." The Inspector ordered in a ruder tone to the guard.

"Sir…" the young hesitated, "Are you sure…?"

"I said: open the door."

"Sir, really, it may be…"

"What part of the sentence is too difficult for you to understand? OPEN THE DAMN DOOR RIGHT NOW!" he shouted and the trembling guard did as he had requested. Link entered without a second thought. He had never been that angry in his whole life.

"I'm sorry sir," the young man added, "but I'll have to close you inside with the prisoner…"

"Do it. And leave."

"But sir, I can't leave you here alone with the prisoner! He's dangerous!" the guard protested.

"If there is anyone in danger right now it's you," Link answered recovering his usual calm, "if you don't leave right now I can't assure I won't try to get rid of your annoying presence. I'll use violence if necessary. I have to speak of very secret matters with this one."

"Oh, right sir. I'll leave right now it that's the reason. I'll be back in fifteen minutes to get you out."

"Fine". Link said quickly without giving a second glance to the young guard who left in a hurry. Once the echo of the paces had vanished in the dark, the Inspector got neared to the unconscious exorcist, the torch still in his left hand. He turned the boy on his back so that Link could finally gaze at the teen's face. There were bruises all over Allen's elegant features. Who could be so brave as to injure a face like that which expressed innocence and goodness so clearly? Only a beast would do that.

Link felt once again the rage, but this time there was something wild in his emotion, something which told him that he would have liked to kill slowly whoever it had been to do such a thing to Allen.

Allen, the innocent Allen, the boy who always thought about others first not because of a stupid desire of "being good", but because he couldn't be fine seeing people suffering. Allen, the teen who had the power to change the life of those around him just being what he was: pure, comprehensive, positive. Allen, the saint who always forgave and never condemned no-one, not even the Noahs, not even Leverrier who he thought to be his persecutor. Allen, the only one in the world who was really able to "offer the other cheek" because he felt to act this way and not because a book recorded that a man in Jerusalem centuries before had said that it was right. Allen, a living paradox, the most extraordinary person Link could have hoped to meet, his hope, the proof that there was something good in humanity.

Who could hurt someone like this? Who?

Link looked around but found no bed, not even a piece of wood where he could lay Allen. The Inspector sighed in indignation as he took out from his bad a bottle of water. He moistened his cotton handkerchief and dampened Allen's face to wash the bruises and the dirt. Link's hand hesitated as he washed the side which was covered by the cursed scar. The Inspector wondered if it was because of that evil scar that the boy had been condemned to all he had suffered, of if things wouldn't have changed even if Mana had never existed and he had never been cursed.

Maybe what had really condemned Allen had simply been his character. Even if he hadn't transformed his father into an akuma, wouldn't he have felt the need to help those pitiful creatures the same? After all, Allen was Allen and no scar, no Mana, no Innocence could change that. Link smiled sadly at the thought.

It would have been a problem if Allen had woken up in that moment, for the Inspector really was a emotionally mess then. Allen didn't need to know how dear he was to Link. Though it was humiliating to admit it, Link needed Allen as the sun and he yearned to be at his side always. He just wanted to live at his shadow, next to the light which Allen emanated, hoping that some of its rays would reach his darkness and warm up is broken soul. Allen gave him such a sense of peace, as if everything he had done could finally be forgiven.

It was not love what he felt; he had wondered about it, it was something much deeper and intense than that, something like adoration. Yes, what he felt was a mix of the adoration one can feel towards a saint and the love towards the dearest of the friends. It was pathetic, that was sure, but Link always found himself searching for Allen's company and almost pleading for it, because it made him happy just to look at the teen's smiling face. His being always around Allen had few to do with his work lately. The exorcist had conquered an important place in his life, a place no-one else could supply.

That's why Link wasn't going to let things be: if the Order killed Allen, he would return to his eternal darkness, to the cursed path of an assassin, he would have turned once again in the cold spy who doesn't believe in nothing, the pone which doubted Allen's innocence at the beginning of their relationship. Link didn't want to return like that, especially after having found out how it was to be illuminated by the light.

He wouldn't have ever let Allen die because the teen had been the one to open his eyes even if he wasn't conscious of that. The exorcist never realized what effect did he have on people around him and Link had never expressed a word of his feelings to everyone except Leverrier. There were many reasons for that and they were all very simple and horribly true.

Someone pure as Allen would have never understood what he meant for an hopeless creature as Link was. If he had known he would have felt embarrassed and their relationship would have become awkward. Such a thing would have made the Inspector gone insane. There was no way he would have let that happen. No way.

The other reason why he couldn't tell him anything was that he would have been unforgivable from his part to say the truth. It would have been the most egoistical thing Link could do and even if he had always been an egoistic person, he couldn't allow himself that much of a freedom. The point was: Allen was so important to him, but what was the Inspector to the exorcist? The easy answer was: just an annoying Inspector that waits for my fall. That was probably what the teen thought and it was fine with Link.

It was better like this because there really wasn't anything he could do for the boy, no matter how much he longed to have the chance to. Allen didn't need him, never had, never would because Allen was so much better than him! That time had been just an illusion (Author: chapter XXVIII). But what would have happened if Link had said things as they were? The boy would have come to love him as well for that was how he was made, he would have been moved and then? And then the Inspector would have become an useless burden to him. Then he would have been not only useless, but even dangerous.

No, it was much better to hide in the shadow of insensibility and help the exorcist the little he could. That was all he could do.

It was then that the present Allen, the one which lied in a cell under the offices of the Switzerland Guards, slowly opened his sleepy eyes.

"Link?" The teen's weak cracking voice echoed on the filthy walls of the prison.

"I'm here." The Inspector answered reassuringly. Allen stared blankly at him for some second before abandoning his head on Link's knees; it was a gesture which said much about the trust the boy had in the Inspector. The blonde felt his heart aching for the pity and the relief at the same time, but then the unexpected happen.

Allen raised all of a sudden, his eyes wide open, feverish, and he started screaming:

"What are you doing you here? Go away from here Link, run!" there was real panic in Allen's eyes.

"I'm not going anywhere Walker, calm down. I came to check on you."

"NO!" the teen screamed even more loudly surprising the Inspector. Could it be that the permanence in that cell had altered Allen's sanity? Being imprisoned in a cold, dark, filthy, completely silent place alone would drive anyone mad and Link knew it well since he had experimented something of the kind once.

"You must run away Link, run!" Allen keep on screaming loudly, "_He_'s coming!"

"What do you mean? Who's he? Is he the one who hurt your face?" The Inspector asked worried. Allen shook his head in deny: "No, I caused those bruises myself hoping that he would go away, but you have to escape Link! He's coming!"

Confusion filled the Inspector's mind. Allen had hurt himself? Why? Who was he and how could he scare Allen that much? Who?

Then Allen's whole body started shaking, a strange expression appeared on his features and Link understood everything as soon as his eyes met those of the stranger in front of him.

The Fourteenth.

While possessed by the Noah, Allen's face lost the entire childish, innocent look it usually had. He seemed more mature, mischievous and charming. Nothing to do with the cute boy Link knew.

The Inspector didn't know how to react. He remembered far too well last time the Fourteenth had taken possession of Allen's body: he had transformed the teen in a beast who had attacked and nearly killed two Noahs, unable to control himself. The monster Link had seen that time wasn't able of reasoning, still he had called for Allen and then, slowly, the teen had reverted to his usual self. Link didn't knew if it had been a coincidence that time, or if his voice had really helped the exorcist to come back, but he believed it was worth the try.

"Allen," the Inspector called grabbing the teen's shoulders, "Allen, wake up! Allen!"

There was no reaction. The Noah inside the boy keep on staring at him with an emotionless expression. Exasperated, Link started to shook that thing even if he didn't know himself how was he expecting that to work. Maybe he was hoping it was all a nightmare and he had unconsciously believed he could wake the teen up in that way. Anyway, it obviously didn't work.

The cold yellow eyes of the Fourteenth were fixed on the Inspector anxious figure, the white hair contrasting in a shocking way against the dark skin, he black stigmata on his forehead were the signature of a demoniac contract Link couldn't ignore any longer. Then, the monster quiet voice echoed in the darkness:

"Would you please stop shaking me? It's uncomfortable."

Link stiffened all of a sudden letting him go, somehow surprised and shocked. What the Hell was with that? The Fourteenth he had known was no more that a beast, untamed, uncontrollable, savage, dangerous. The man speaking now was horribly calm instead, his figure filled with a unknown dignity, and his voice conserved Allen's British accent. The whole scene was frightening.

"Besides," the stranger continued ignoring Link's stupefied expression, "I'm not Allen, not anymore."

"You're the Fourteenth, right?" The Inspector asked warily.

"Not exactly." The stranger asked with the politest of the behaviours, "To tell the truth, I'm the fusion between what remained of the Fourteenth's character and Allen's. I'm not Allen Walker nor the Fourteenth, but both of them and yet none of them. Do you understand?" he asked. Link just _had _to shook his head in deny. How was he supposed to understand a sentence like that?

"Oh, well, that's not important." The stranger replied bored passing a hand through his hair in a very Allen-like way. Now that the Inspector could look at him more attentively, he noticed there was also some light in the eyes of the stranger which resembled Allen, but the innocence the boy possessed… that was gone. It was not like the face of that new person transmitted him a bad feeling, not at all, but he didn't shine of that light which only the exorcist had possessed.

"Then…" Link tried to attempt a conversation, "what are you going to do?" he asked. As soon as he pronounced those words every trace of cordiality vanished from the stranger's face:

"Why do you care? And why should I tell you? I don't know you." His eyes were narrow and threatening

"But I knew Allen Walker and the Fourteenth so I know you a little as well, don't I?"

"Not at all." The stranger answered recovering his bored expression and lying sown on the ground in a relaxed careless way. He didn't seem to mind the filthiness around him or the stink. Link couldn't help but stare at him, somehow curious to examine that strange combination of the pure Allen and an evil Noah.

"Would you tell me how did you replace Walker's personality?" The Inspector asked formal though it was easy to read the curiosity at the bottom of his eyes.

It was a matter of a fragment of second: the stranger's eyes narrowed in a dangerous way, then he stretched out his arms and grabbed Link's throat strangling him:

"Why should I tell you'" he asked, "Who are you? What do you want? You're annoying, you're disturbing and you're an assassin. I should kill you…"

At the last second, the Inspector grabbed some magic spell from under his coat and used them against his attacker managing to get free. Free of the his hold, but not of his words:

"How do you know I'm an assassin?" he asked out of breath.

"The way you move, the light in your eyes. _You're not a good person. You should die_." The stranger answered looking away, bored once again. In that very moment Link heard the sound of footsteps coming closer. The stranger surely heard them as well, but nothing in his behaviour could suggest he had noticed.

"It's time, Inspector Link." The annoying guard of before declared. Then he gazed at the prisoner and remained breathless, noticing the transformation.

"Open the gate quickly!" Link ordered him and the guard obeyed, unable to take his eyes away from the man in the cell. The Inspector escaped quickly and locked the gate himself making sure no-one could escape from there. No human at least.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

_Headquarters of the Black Order, morning_

Link wondered why he had to be there at the Headquarters once again now that Allen wasn't there anymore, still that was where Levellier had sent him _"to control the situation"_. If that was true, the Inspector couldn't help but wonder how could he control the situation when everybody there hated him. That was to be expected after all: it was only natural for everyone else to suppose that it was Link's fault if Allen had been captured. He was surprised, instead, that the other exorcists still hadn't come at him threatening him and trying to find out where their companion was; infact Lenalee had just taken the habit to give him murderous glances while Lavi ignored him with coldness unusual for him.

After all, Link could think of himself as lucky that they had decided just to ignore him since he couldn't care less about that. He had got affectionate to Allen, but all the others meant nothing to him and since he had grown up as an assassin he was used to coldness and reject. Still, it felt terribly awkward to be there once again, and without Allen. He felt his absence more than anything else, but it would be a lie not to say that the words he had heard in the cell in Rome hadn't impressed him.

"_YOU'RE NOT A GOOD PERSON. YOU SHOULD DIE."_

Even if Allen wasn't in that body, it was still his lips that had pronounced those two lethal sentences; it had been that face, that voice, those eyes which had stared at him with indifference! The eyes of the one who had made him felt as if he could be forgiven, the one he had been sure would have never condemned him. Still, that person had said that h should have died, that he was no good… Link knew it was true, that everybody thought so, but Allen… not Allen! It was no use to tell himself: _"that was not him" _for inside that thing, somewhere, Allen must still be there and he had allowed that thing to say such things. The pain inside the inspector was something strong and stinging which made him helpless and passive, for what he could do?

He didn't have any idea about how he should act and that was why in that early morning he was walking across the garden of the Headquarters. At the end he seated under a delicate young tree and watched the dawn sky as the sun began to show up little by little. He lied his back against the tree giving a noisy sigh. That was when someone else happened to walk by the same path of the garden. It was Sara.

Her appearance confused Link. It had passed some time since last time he had seen the girl and he didn't remembered her that pretty and fragile. Her lucid black hair were still short by the shoulders, but it looked like she had finally started to take care of them, and her expression was gracious and emotionless as he remembered it. Her deep blue eyes seemed to stare somewhere far away thought they were clearly focused on him. She wore a short skirt almost completely covered by a large blue blouse which made her look even more delicate than she already was and exposed her long elegant neck. A pair of green and blue leggings hid the long legs. In conclusion, Link found she was very cute though she was wearing awful colours (honestly, everyone knows you can't wear a blue shirt over a black skirt!).

The Inspector stared at her warily as she came nearer.

"You're the one who accompanied the exorcists who found me, aren't you?" She asked. Her voice was a soft quiet melody which didn't show any feeling, but there was something harsh in his tone, a severity which probably derived from the habit. "I'm sorry I don't remember your name…" she added.

"That's not important." Link replied gently, but firmly, as to say he wasn't going to tell her. He hadn't time not patience for her in that moment. There was a moment of silence, then Sara seated a few paces far form him and asked politely:

"You seem grieved. Did something bad happen to you?" there was no kindness in her voice nor curiosity, but the Inspector perceived she was really going to listen to him carefully if he wanted to talk. Considering that since he had arrived there he had been ignored completely by everyone, that seemed more or less a miracle to him, still he answered evasively:

"It's just a matter of work." It was a lie, but what else was he expected to tell her?

"What matter?" she asked with her quiet voice, little more than a whisper.

"Nothing much." He said determinate not to reveal a word of what he was feeling to a stranger. Sara didn't answer anything, probably guessing it was not her place to ask, but she remained seated where she was watching the sun rising. If they had been just a bit more of a romantic person they would have find it a perfect setting for a romance, but in that moment the Inspector's thought were far away from anything of the kind and Sara had never been what you would call a sensible type, so they remained there enjoying the comfortable silence. That was when Link started to feel like he really wanted to say something, to speak a bit of his mind out loud for a change, and all of a sudden Sara seemed the perfect person to speak with to him.

"I said it's nothing much," he confessed, "but it I instead: it's a big, very big deal to me." He said out loud with a determinate and harsh tone. Sara didn't answer anything, but now her strange eyes were focused on him and there was no doubt she was listening attentively. Link felt encouraged and continued:

"A friend of mine is in big troubles and I want to help him, I really want to, but I don't know how. Besides, he has changed all of a sudden and he seems another person, completely different from the one I loved, and I don't know if I should support him anymore. I mean, I'm not sure I'd do the right thing helping him, I fear he would take advantage of that to do something bad. If he was his old self, I wouldn't have any doubt, but now… I can't recognize him anymore. Plus, I'm not sure he would accept my help anyway…" he muttered.

"He's very important to you, isn't he?" Sara asked quietly with an half-smile.

"Yes."

"May you be in love with hi-…"

"_Absolutely not!"_ was Link firm response. He denied with such a ridiculous energy that Sara found herself chuckling silently. Link stared at her as to scold her and she stopped immediately regaining her usual dreamy expression, but there was something hard in her eyes:

"You know," she began, "after my grandfather's death I changed so much my own mother could hardly recognize me. She didn't know if it really was still me and the circumstances were so bizarre she must have wondered if it hadn't been me the one who killed her father. I knew it, but I never said a word to her about that, never. I just couldn't, or maybe I egoistically didn't' want to speak about it and that's all, I wonder, but one thing is sure: I was very cold to her at that time, almost cruel, but she never stopped supporting me in that anxious way of hers, she ever stopped having faith in me. I never told her, but her support was very important for me; if she hadn't been there helping me without asking anything in return, I wouldn't have been able to fight like I did." She made a pause.

"What I wanted to say," she added after a little while, "is that maybe it's the same for your friend: he may be just confused, or maybe he has something he can't tell you. He makes you worry, he knows and acts like he doesn't care, but you can't know what's truly in his heart. He may look different but it's still him. You shouldn't leave him alone. Maybe he will refuse your help, but he surely will appreciate it secretly even he doesn't tell you. At least he'll remember he's not alone and even if it may sound stupid, that's important, don't you think so?" She asked as if she wasn't really expecting an answer. Link smiled at her against his will.

What she had said was simple, logical, and it could really sound stupid, but it was all true. The Inspector remembered the moment when months before he had decided to support Allen in his moments of weakness, since there wasn't much more he could do for the teen. She had said the same thing: he had to support him and be next to him, no matter what the appearances where, because that was all he could do for him and even if it was a little thing… it could mean much for someone who completely alone and confused.

"Thank you." He said bowing slightly in a formal way to the delicate woman beside him.

"Of what?" she asked shrugging. Link smiled once again.

"May I tell you something?" the Inspector asked after a while.

"What?"

"I don't want to offend you…"

"Of course not." She assured.

"… but you're wearing awful colours today." He concluded with rude honesty. Sara blushed slightly:

"I know," she confirmed shyly, "those leggings are horrible, but my mistress chose them for me and I couldn't refuse to wear them…"

"Yes, but that's not only them," Link continued, "it's also that you can't wear a blue blouse on a black skirt. Never put black and blue together."

Sara hesitated: "You won't believe me, but that's her doings as well… she said she's tired of seeing me wear only black, so from now on she's the one to decide how I wear…" she blushed even more for the embarrassment. Link was half exasperated, half amused:

"Really General Cloud has such bad taste?" he asked trying to suppress a laugher.

"Don't speak ill of my mistress." Sara advised him a little pissed.

"Ok, I won't." he assured laughing hard secretly.

Finally he had decided what he was going to do.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

_Headquarters of the Black Order, training room, morning_

It was seven in the morning, but Kanda was already in the training room, practicing with a bamboo sword. He needed to find something to relish his uneasiness, a feeling that Cassandra was provoking him almost continuously lately. She was always around him, always teasing him and making him pissed, anxious and fearful. He hated that, the fact that she had the power to make him act so unlike him.

Still, he knew, for he was no stupid, that he was getting better at facing her. Every time they argued, and it happened more or less thrice in a day, he could answer to her sophistic speeches always more easily: he was getting used to her. Maybe it was because he had started to recognize some of Angel's childless and impulsivity in her once in a while, but he was finally able to act a bit more like himself in her presence once again and that was a great relief.

He didn't fear to loose to her anymore, he was finally ready to accept whatever the outcome of their little arguments was and that wasn't because he felt superior, but because speaking with her had started to feel natural, though the embarrassment which had followed their mission in Sweden. It sounded absurd even to him, but being around her was almost natural now, as if she was an old annoying friend and not the fiend which had hunted him till then claiming he didn't know what from him. And, somehow, he knew that the fact that she had kissed him had a role in that matter. He had rejected her that time, even if he had taken his time to do so, and after that he felt able to challenge her. It was as simple as that.

Still, it was strange, it felt so fucking strange, every time she came out of nowhere claiming absurd things, as she was doing in that moment.

He was practising, when he had turned and found her staring at him from the door. His eyes widened for a moment, but he kept on doing his exercises as to tell her that he had noticed her since the very beginning and that he had just decided to ignore her. Still, Cassandra chuckles advised him she hadn't fallen for his performance.

Feeling terribly pissed and humiliated, Kanda stopped and gave her a threatening glance:

"What the Hell do you want?" he questioned rudely.

"I came here to ask you a favour," she answered immediately, confident, "something I can ask only to you."

"What? Be brief, I don't have time to loose."

"Neither do I," was the quiet response, "I was just wondering if you'd have accepted to fight against me for once."

All Kanda's ideas about getting used to her shattered miserably. He would never get used to that, never: her continuous testing him, making fun out of him, and those sentences which remembered him so clearly of Angel. There had been another time before, many months ago, when that person had come to him in that very room asking for someone only he could do: train her.

The feeling of déjà vu was so strong Kanda was taken aback, but more than this there was the doubt rising inside him: was it just a coincidence? Or was she trying to communicate something to him once more in that strange, incomprehensible, awkward way of hers? Knowing her, he decided that the latter was far more probable, but he couldn't be sure. And there was no way he could ask her for it would mean losing to her.

That's why he just shook his head in deny:

"I won't do it." He declared firmly.

"Why?" she asked annoyed.

"Nothing of your business, I'm just not going to."

"I knew it," Cassandra said, "you hate me!"

"It's no true." Kanda denied tiredly asking to himself why the Hell did he care to tell her. If she believed he hated her it was fine with him: there were more chances she would let him be. But he had denied. Why? Basically because he was stupid, he guessed.

"If it's no true, then you're doing your best to make it look like it. Why do you avoid me if you don't hate me?"

"I said I don't hate you, but I do not like your whore-like attitude either." He declared with his usual rude sincerity.

"Whore-like attitude?" she chuckled imitating his deep voice, "That's what you think of me? May I know why?" Kanda hesitated for a moment. Was she stupid? Wasn't it obvious what he was referring to? Or maybe she was just trying to make fun out of him? Still, something in her gaze told him that she really didn't get the insult.

"I'm speaking about what you did the other day with that… man, for example. You didn't feel anything for him, didn't you?"

"No." Was the honest, shameless answer.

"And he wasn't the only one you allowed to touch you, wasn't he?"

"No, he wasn't." she replied once again as her gaze was finally filled with comprehension. Still, Kanda didn't stop asking, even if he knew she had got it now.

"Well, don't you call it a whore-like thing to do… such things with everyone?" He asked feeling slightly embarrassed. It wasn't like him to speak about this kind of things and the fact that Cassandra answered to his question laughing didn't help him to wipe out the embarrassment. Why the fuck did he always felt as a little uneasy child in front of her?

"Tell me Kanda," she asked, "how would you call a man who cheats on many women?"

"A womanizer?" he replied hesitant wondering what he should answer.

"And do you think people means the word _womanize_r as an offence?"

"Many people probably do, but… I guess there are also many others who take it more or less as a compliment." He thought out loud.

"But when you call a woman who does the same thing a _whore_ you mean to insult her, don't you?" She asked again. Kanda just nodded in response.

"Would you kindly explain me where is the difference between a man and woman doing the same thing? Why the man is almost complimented while the woman is insulted?"

"I…" Kanda remained at loss of words in front of her argument. Cassandra smiled triumphantly acknowledging her victory in silence. Refusing to accept the defeat, Kanda charged once again:

"The point is not what people think! Right now the point is what _I _think and I believe that acting as you do is awful, no matter if the one who does so is a man or a woman." He declared seriously.

"Oh, so you believe the opinion of the famous exorcist Yuu Kanda is more important of that of the rest of the world…?" she provoked him.

"Cassandra." He warned her. That had NOTHING to do with the topic of their argument and she knew it. Still, she didn't seem particularly scared by his glance.

"Amazing!" she cried out happily, "It's the first time you're calling me by my name! Good work Kanda! If you keep on like this you'll actually be able to socialize one day!"

"Stop it." He replied pissed.

"I won't!" she replied stubbornly, "You MUST socialize with people, otherwise you'll become some unsocial, disagreeable guy! I already told you before; you can't act as a monk!"

Kanda stopped at these words, frozen-like.

"You… did tell me those things before?" he asked remembering a conversation he had had with Angel months before ( Author: It was chapter XII and Angel told him the same exact words).

"Didn't I?" Cassandra asked vaguely, looking away, "Well, if I haven't, I thought it and that's the same!"

"That's not the same!" he protested.

"Whatever."

"Don't _whatever_ me!" he shouted at her, now completely pissed off.

"If you want to obtain something from me," she challenged him, "you'll have to beat me."

"Fine." He answered grinning evilly at the prospect of beating the shit out of her.

In his anger, he didn't realize he was giving her what she had wanted since the very beginning.

And the fight began.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

To say that Cassandra enjoyed the fight was to say the least. Every strike, every swinging, every slight touching of their skin while they blocked the other's kick was a real pleasure. Even the pain of being hit was nothing compared to that. It made her feel so… alive.

She had heard it before from older fighters that battling gave a wonderful feeling which eclipsed everything else, but she had never understood what there could be of so enchanting to make people give up a normal safe life in exchange of the assurance of pain and an early death. Now she understood.

_If you don't fight, if you don't risk __loosing everything, you'll never know what life is._

She had understood it months ago when Sokaro had made her battle against an akuma the first time. She had been bare handed against a monster and for some eternal minute she had firmly believed she was going to die and that nothing would have saved her. The fear was there filling every heartbeat, the blood pressuring in a dangerous way inside her veins, her mind frighteningly empty and conscious of every risk she was running.

She had felt like dying before being even slightly hit, but at the same time she had felt an awareness of everything surrounding her, a perfect understanding of the importance and preciousness of every small particular. Every strand of grass, every fragment of second had seemed priceless and irreplaceable to her eyes in those moments because she had believed she was going to die. But she hadn't died.

She had been saved by those fragments of memories, those images that filled her head a moment before the attacks could reach her. Her body would react on instinct, following who knows what kind of forgotten lesson, and her mind would show her memories and feelings she had never believed to possess.

_Strong calluses hands, warm hands…_

_A man clothed in black attacking her with elegant quick movements…_

_The pain for a hit which had reached her…_

_A mischievous smile on the face of the man…_

_that __face she couldn't recognize because it was surrounded by mist…_

_the deep harsh voice of the man…_

_and the love she had felt for him despite everything…_

All this had been carved somewhere inside her brain and there it had remained waiting for her to call those memories back, waiting for her full awakening, for the day she wouldn't have feared to face the complexity of truth anymore. Had she reached that day? Was she already there? The two sides of her… had the connected? Had she ceased to be a cursed picture of herself? No, she still hadn't, but the time was close, so close that it was frightening.

But she didn't have the time to think about it right now: she had to fight and Kanda was her opponent. She wasn't going to loose, she didn't want to. And once again what was helping her, giving her the right instructions, were the weird images in her mind. If fighting that way against akuma had felt good, that was something more like paradise. If her movements were good, Kanda's were perfects. The excitement running inside her vein made everything more precious. Time didn't slow down, but still her awareness of every particular of the room, of every imperfection in her opponent's movements had increased drastically.

She _knew _what she had to do to contrast him, someone had taught her long ago, but she was too slow, too weak. At the end, after what seemed ages, she lost.

Kanda immobilized her on the ground.

Her cheek felt the cold of the marble ground and she tasted the shocking contrast between that coldness and the warmth of the hands which had caged hers in an iron hold.

She could hear the man upon her breathing heavily for the tiredness. She would have wanted to see his beautiful, determinate, victorious face; she would have wanted to study the way he was looking at her in that moment, but her face was pressed against the floor.

"I won." Kanda declared emotionlessly, but didn't move. Cassandra understood immediately that he wanted a sort of acknowledgement from her part and she sighed in annoyance. Really, she was such a child sometimes!

"All right, you won." She admitted pissed. Sometimes she really was much of a child as well.

Kanda moved setting her free and Cassandra raised on her feet at once.

"Again." She said simply challenging him to come at her once again.

Kanda smirked:

"Such a bad loser you are…"

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

_**From Christine Leverrier's diary…**_

_13__th__ May 1743_

_My diary,_

_My decision of the other day has been tested far too soon, I think, by the facts which happened today. Guess who's fault it is for it? Amatus' and Tyki's obviously. _

_After dinner Road said she wasn't feeling well (she ate too much candies if you want my opinion) so Lady Lulubell and I took her to her room so that she could rest. To tell the truth I wanted to remain beside her, but she sent me away: she said I could fall ill as well if I was near her too much. So, my company was rejected and I'm sure Road did it with the best intentions of the world, but seeing what the consequences were I think it would have been better for me if I had caught some kind of fever. _

_I should have gone to sleep too, but I felt restless that night and I decided to go to the library to search for some English book which could help me with the language (I have to improve!). I chose a collection of Milton's selected poems and I had just ended reading the "Pensieroso" (I loved it!) when someone entered the room._

_Who could it be if not my stalker? I'm not stupid so, as soon as Amatus came in, I closed the book and ran towards the window searching for an exit, but the giant openings were all closed and he was reaching me too quickly! I was still trying to open one of those useless windows when his rude hand grabbed my wrist._

"_Please, Miss Christine," he said, "don't react this way or people will think I'm a monster." He smiled innocently but I didn't fall for it, not this time. _

"_And they would think well," I answered, "because you are a monster." I hope my voice was cool and my gaze firm and they probably were because he drew back for a moment, shocked. I took advantage of his stupor to try to reach the door, but he caught me once again:_

"_Don't run away," he ordered, "I decided I want you with me, so, please, stay by my side." He asked and his voice was as gentle as it was at the beginning of our relationship, when he fooled me, but his eyes were cold, cruel. I didn't believe him and even if I did… I wouldn't have accepted. To me Amatus is only a monster now, nothing more, nothing less. I fear him! _

_That's why I moved suddenly and hit him on the face with the rigid cover of the book. I guess I hit him in the left eye. He shouted. I got free and ran away as fast as I could. I heard Amatus paces after me and I thought I would loose my sanity. I even thought it would have been better to die than to feel chased all the time. I ran and ran but his paces were always behind me, I could hear perfectly the curses he was pronouncing in a low voice, I could imagine the threats he was shouting at me. And I ran, desperately, hoping in the help of someone, but who? Even if I was to meet a servant, he/she wouldn't defend me against their lord! _

_In my mind I started to pray: "Tyki, Tyki, Tyki, please come! Tyki…" but I knew he wouldn't come: he wasn't at Kamelot Manor that night in the first place and even if he was… I didn't think he would defend me. Still, I prayed him silently knowing that he was the only one I could rely on even it seemed absurd. He was the only one who had admitted to know Amatus' perversion so he was the only one who wouldn't have doubted me if he had witnessed to that scene._

_Then, as an answer to my silent prayer, I saw an open door. Someone must have left it open. I entered in there and closed it, I locked myself in as much as I could hoping and praying that Amatus wouldn't try to force the entrance. He shouted for a while, but he didn't try to smash the door. After a while he went away. I was safe. _

_I breathed heavily trying to get hold of myself, but I was still so scared! I could still feel Amatus voice in my head and I was…just terrified. There are no words to describe the horror of being chased: the fear overwhelms you till the point when you can't think at all and the moment this happens you're lost, you'll be captured. And I had a vague idea of what would have happened to me if Amatus had taken me. _

_I don't know how much did I remain locked in that room, but I guess that it had passed more than an hour when I heard the noise of paces approaching. I began to tremble once again, I couldn't control it, and I hoped with all my being that they would just fade away, that they were just servants passing by. Every pace was a blade stabbing me. I'm ashamed to say it now, but at that time I only wanted to crawl under the bed and cry all my tears. I prayed and prayed for those sounds to fade away, but they didn't. They stopped exactly in front of the room where I was. _

_I started to think of all the possible and worst scenarios. What if it was Amatus once again and he had gotten the key in the meanwhile? Or what if the owner was another man, maybe one of those oppressed servants who would have loved to torture an upper-class girl as a form of revenge if only they had the chance? What if the owner was instead a servant or a maid faithful to Mr Amatus? They would take me to him, wouldn't they? You'll be tired of hearing me saying it, my diary, but I was scared, so freaking scared!_

_Then I heard a low male voice whispering something and a woman laughing. Great, there were two persons out there! And they were going to open the door. Terrified I hid behind the door waiting for the chance to come out from there. Slowly and without a sound, the door opened and the couple entered embraced. Thankfully the light was out and they didn't see me, but they closed the door too soon for me to be able to escape._

_I barely had the time to grasp in what awful situation I was before the man spoke and I recognized his voice: it was Lord Tyki. I mean, Lord Tyki of all people! There must be something deadly wrong for me… I seriously don't think any other seventeen years old girl ever managed to attract so many troubles as I do! No, to be exact, I think that no-one else ON THIS PLANET ever managed to do it beside me! I must be something like a natural catastrophe, or maybe there were simply the worst planets in conjunction the day I was born…_

_My mind was running furiously searching for a solution. Should I have come out and say: _"Ta-daaan! Surprise! There is someone else in your room so, please, stop doing lovey-dovey"?

_Maybe I should, but it was way to embarrassing so I didn't. I just remained there trying to look away and don't knowing if I had to hope for them to catch me now and make me exit or not. Meanwhile I was conscious, even in the dark, that Tyki was kissing that woman and had started to undress her. I moved uncomfortably where I was feeling a little jealous and angry at the same time. I would have liked to shout at him:_

"Where were you when I needed you? No, don't say it, I already know: you were seducing all the young women around you, weren't you? You bastard…"

_Still, once again, I said nothing. _

_Then all the noises stopped suddenly. I thought to see Tyki's eyes staring at me and I sweated hard. _

"_Darling," his sensual voice echoed in the room giving me chills down my spine, "I'm sorry, but I fear that we'll have to put off our moment to another day…"_

"_Why?" the woman asked panicking, "you don't like me anymore?"_

"You finally got it, you bitch!"_ I hoped he would say, but unfortunately I was wrong. Tyki instead said:_

"_That's not it, sweetheart, I just remembered that I had some work to do by tomorrow morning… your beauty made me forget it, but now that I see the paperwork on the table I remembered. I'm so sorry, my love…"_

_The woman seemed deluded but didn't protest: "You sure are a workaholic, aren't you? Lord Tyki…"_

"_It's not that I want to…" he excused himself, "it's my duty."_

"_Fine, fine," the bitch (who I believe was the countess of S. I saw the other week at the ball…) said. Tyki kissed her another time and she set out of the room saying: "You'll better call me as soon as you're free, Mikk." She declared. He promised and she finally went away. _

_As soon as I heard the door closing I relaxed a little and thought the worst had passed, but I was so wrong! _

_Half naked and still lying on his bed, I heard Lord Tyki calling me:_

"_Would you mind explaining me what are you doing in my room, Christine?" he asked me, his eyes staring directly at the place where I was standing. I jumped for the surprise, but said nothing. Words simply didn't come to me. What was I supposed to say in such a situation? I remained I silence and Tyki turned on the light sighing:_

"_Would you come here at least?" he asked, "I can't here your voice from there."_

_He seemed relaxed and, for once, not dangerous, so I came nearer and stopped a few paces away from him feeling uncomfortable at the sight of him lying on the bed, but he wasn't looking at me: his gaze was wandering somewhere in the opposite direction, out of the dark window. Then he turned to face me:_

"_So why are you here? You won't answer? Are you embarrassed? Really I didn't thought you'd come this far…" He said studying my figure. In a moment I realized what he was thinking:_

"_It's not as you think!" I said immediately, "I know it sounds improbable, but I entered here by chance and…"_

"_And do you have the habit to enter into other people's room by chance?" he asked smiling in amusement. He obviously didn't believed me and I understood why, I would have done the same if I was him, still he was so full of himself that it was unbearable. _

"_I swear it was a mistake! And then I got struck in there and…"_

_He stopped me with a sudden gesture and caught my hands between his in a strong hold which was anything but romantic:_

"_No need to push it so far, Christine," he said, "I'm not angry, you know? You freed me of that annoying countess…but you also ruined my plans for the night… how are you going to repair for this?" he asked mischievously into my ear. I knew what would have come next and tried to free myself from his hold, but I couldn't. He kissed me fiercely. I wanted him to kiss me so badly, but I also didn't want him to think I had come into his room because I wanted to seduce him! It wasn't like me, and those weren't my intentions, they weren't! I wanted to say it, but he wouldn't let me go. He was insistent, fierce and delicate at the same time. I wondered how many women he had touched like that before me and I understood I didn't want to hear the answer. _

_But his insistence, his hands blocking mine remembered me of Amatus and of the fear I felt before when I was running to escape and I was praying for Tyki to come, the same Tyki who was now acting the same way Amatus did, without listening to me, using me, touching me… I started to cry against my will feeling caged and helpless, so terribly helpless… So stupidly weak…_

_Tyki stopped. _

"_What's wrong Christine?" he asked. Finally he was asking because he really wanted to know and not for empty courtesy. Hearing that the words quickly returned to me:_

"_I was escaping from Amatus… He almost caught me in the library," I confessed, "but I ran away and find the door of this room opened so I entered locking myself inside. I didn't know it was your room, really, I just wanted to escape!" I cried out at last and I could see Tyki's eyes opening wide in realization of what he had done. He immediately let me go and I redrew away from him in an instant._

"_I'm sorry." He murmured sincerely though in such a low voice I barely heard him, "I'm really sorry". I shook my head as to say it was nothing, but it was a lie. He had shocked me. He had made me remember things I wanted desperately to forget. And somehow he understood everything. He sighed face-slapping himself as to say: "How stupid can I be?", but when his eyes looked back at me still crying silently he said:_

"_Please, sit here and calm down. I promise I won't touch you."_

_I trusted him. I seated and I tried to calm down, but at first I failed: I was releasing all the stress I had accumulated before when Amatus had been chasing me. Then Tyki began to brush my hair gently and I ended up sobbing on his chest. His scent calmed me down; his hands made me feel safe against my reason. _

"_Do you want to return to your room?" he asked me. I shook my head in deny. _

"_Do you want to remain here?" _

"_If it's not a problem…"_

"_No problem," he assured, "I'll just go in another room."_

"_No!" I shouted. He was surprised and I blushed:_

"_I mean, if I wanted to remain here it's because I feel safer with you around… Otherwise I would ask Road to let me sleep with her, but I guess Road wouldn't be of great help against Amatus…" I murmured and Tyki laughed:_

"_You don't know Road then. She's probably the scariest of us all." _

_I stared at him in response, unable to comprehend how little, delicate Road was more dangerous than Amatus._

"_And Amatus would never dare to enter there, regardless of the fact that I'm here or not." He added._

"_That's no true!" I replied, "You should have heard before how many times he shouted and kicked the door. I thought he was going to break it." I said and Tyki's eyes narrowed in what seemed rage to me_

"_Anyway," he declared, "we can't both remain in there. I don't want to break my promise of before." He said and gave me a seducing smile. I blushed as soon as I got what he meant._

"_I bet you only want to return to your Countess…" I teased him._

"_That's not true!" he protested offended._

"_Prove me." I challenged him in response. He remained in silence for a little while, then he decided:_

"_Fine, I'll remain here. But you sleep on the other side of the bed far away from me! If you touch me even by chance…" he threatened._

"_A gentleman would offer the whole bed to a lady and sleep on the floor." I provoked him._

"_No way I'd sleep on the cold floor." He answered immediately pissed._

"_You should try someday," I proposed, "there is people who does it everyday because they can't afford a bed."_

"_One day I will," he replied grumpy, "one day I'll prove how does it feel to live out in the great world and to sleep under the stars. Satisfied?"_

"_You would really do it?" I exclaimed excited._

"_Someday…" he repeated without enthusiasm lying on his side of the bed. _

"_Then that day you'll have to call me." I ordered._

"_Why?" he seemed curious._

"_Because I want to know how does it feel to be completely free."_

"_You call that miserable and obliged life-style "being free"?" _

"_Of course." I replied, "Think about it: we are slave of our position, of our luxurious habits. As we are now, we wouldn't be able to survive in the world without our money and an army of servants. We wouldn't even be able to cook our meals. People out there are poor, but they don't depend on anyone. They're free. I want to feel how it's like." I confessed in an outburst of sincerity. It was a thing I had always dreamed of and never said out loud. I nearly blushed. Tyki was studying me as if he was trying to understand why I was saying such things._

"_But if you were poor and you desired something you'd never obtain it. You would be happy that way?" He challenged._

"_Maybe." I answered wondering, "Probably real freedom doesn't exist and we're always slaves of something, but I want to try it, otherwise I won't ever know."_

"_Maybe." He conceded and turned the other side. "Goodnight." He added after a moment._

"_Good night Tyki." I replied. It was the first time I called him in that familiar way and I almost regretted it, but he didn't seem to care, so after some minute I had already forgotten it._

_Do you know what happened after that? Nothing. I mean, not that I wanted something to happen (or maybe I did…?), but I was surprised when after less than half an hour I heard Tyki snoring. Snoring! I didn't expect that… it was pretty embarrassing…_

_Still, since there was no way I would be able to sleep that way, I opened you, my diary, and I began to write. I'm still here, seated at his desk, writing under the light of a little candle. I'm tired, I'd like to sleep and forget everything for some hour, but I like being here, it's comforting being near him. So strange. After Amatus, he's probably the most dangerous person for me, but seeing him now… His face is so gentle, so relaxed in his sleep, and he has such long eyelashes! I didn't expect that. He his even more charming while his sleeps because he seems so innocent… If there is something I thought I'd have never said about him was innocent, but he gives me this very impression now. _

_Here he is: now he sighs, he turns his head stretching his neck in an elegant way… He's such a temptation! What would happen if now I'd go near him and kiss his forehead? Would he awake and call my name, his lips half-opened, still sleepy and confused? What if I caressed the strong muscles of his back? Would he hug me in his sleep, or would he awake? Would he get angry? Or maybe he would smile in that characteristical way of his, awake already, and say that he wants to break his promise? _

_It's awful of me to have such thoughts I guess, considering my position, but I can't help it. He's just so…_

_Wait! He's moving. I think he's going to wake up. I have to hide you now, diary. Goodnight._

_Christine Leverrier _

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_**Author's notes—Sleeping beauty**_

_**OMG, THIS CHAPTER WAS AWFULLY LONG! 15 PAGES! That is too much even for me.. it took an eternity to write it… but there are too many things I wanted to say:**_

_**1- Link and Allen/Fourteenth's scene (I just HAD to write that part. Though I fear Link was a bit OOC even for my standards…)**_

_**2- Link and Sara scene (I think they would make a great couple… They're just very similar in a way. Don't you think?)**_

_**3- Kanda and Cassandra scene. I've died to write that moment when he calls her a whore and she replies that way… I agree with Cassandra completely though. Men often calls us women that way for stupid things and then what? Everything is allowed to them? Ahahaha… hypocrites. What do you think about this?**_

_**4- Christine and Tyki scene! Finally they got a little serious. I liked the idea of Tyki having a double life in DGM because of something Christine said. It's because of what she said here about freedom that in the real DGM he has a human, poor life with human poor friends. He's trying to understand what she said that night. This is it, in my head at least ^^''**_

_**Now I'll begin writing next chapter, so…**_

_**Goodnight guys!**_

_**Eris92 (excited because she has written everything she wanted to for once XD)**_


	36. Chapter 36 Gothic tale

**Hi, people, here there is chapter XXXVI of "FALLEN GODS"! **

**It took me ages to write this chapter, a sort of gothic tale within the main plot, but that's not the reason why I'm so late with the update. Put all the blame on school which is killing me along with another two thousand things. So, here there is the past of Cross and Maria! **

**WARNING: If you easily get shocked then don't read after the fourth page, ok? Cannibalism involved. **

**Soundtracks for this chapter:**

"**Sail me away"**** by Elton John from the "Lestat" musical. (I watched it on you tube and there are some songs of this musical I just adore… "I want more"; "I'll never have the chance"; "After all this time" and this… I loved them infinitely. "I want more" enchanted me: it describes Claudia so well! Oh, so well!)**

**Other soundtracks were:**

"**Evenstar"**** from the "LORD OF THE RINGS" soundtracks;**

"**Gocce di Memoria"**** by Giorgia (an Italian singer finally…)**

"**Across the stars"**** the love theme of Anakin and Padme from Star Wars II, "the clone wars".**

"**When stars are born are they cast out**

**To wander cold and lonely lost in space,**

**A loveless point of light that can't return,**

**Forever fixed in one place?"**

"**Sails me away" from the Lestat musical.**

_CHAPTER XXXVI - _**GOTHIC TALE**

Whenever Marian Cross thought about his past, he couldn't help but ask himself if he had ever done something right. Probably that was the kind of feeling that always assails middle-age people who has began to rethink the times of their youth with the dethatched eye of the old age, but such a thought didn't dismiss his trouble.

There were days, like the one I'm speaking about, when he really felt old though he was only forty-five. He thought about that and decided that he wasn't that old after all, but the annoying feeling was still there and he couldn't annihilate it. Why was it? Maybe his years weren't much, but the events that had crossed his life were and it was easy for him to feel old when he thought of the past and of the countless experiences that had transformed him. And now that she was beside him, of what else could he think if not of the first time he had met Maria?

It had been twenty years before, when he had just become a general in the Black Order. It was a strange period for him at the time: the Fourteenth had already died and he had promised to watch over Mana who seemed unable to recognize him and wandered across Europe with a travelling circus. It wasn't a nice situation, but things were horribly simple for it was the quiet before the tempest: the Earl had decided to let him be for a while and the Fourteenth wasn't causing troubles for once.

Of course Cross knew that such a peace was only temporary and he wasn't sure he would be fine just waiting and waiting for his old friend to come back to him and Mana, but he was also tired and he needed desperately some time of peace which could help him close the wounds the Fourteenth matter had cause to his heart. That was why he had entered the Black Order and he had accepted to become a general. The missions distracted him and offered him the opportunity to live without worrying about money too much, while being general allowed him the freedom he needed.

He had accepted to enter in the Black Order imagining it would have been a temporary solution, but before he could realize it, being an exorcist had become his life. He had ended up imprisoned by the luxurious life-style he had, and before long he had realized that being a general was the best he could do to be of any help to his old friends and carry on their primitive plan.

After all those years, sometimes Cross looked at the mirror with disgust scolding himself for what he had become, but at the very end he didn't care much. He had done what he had thought best and he had put everything he had in fulfilling his aim; so, even if the ways he had chosen to carry on his plan were questionable he didn't feel sorry. The only thing he felt sorry about was Maria dark destiny and he had some responsibility for what had happened to her. To tell the whole truth, the woman thought it was his entire fault if she had turned to be the unnatural creature she was, but he couldn't agree.

He still remembered the first day he had heard of her…

_At that time he was a new-appointed general of the Black Order researching for Innocence as usual. He was travelling across Germany when he had heard of a blind princess who could perform miracles, a saint whose voice was so powerful it could destroy impure beings. The story of the princess was more or less a local fairytale, but it had attracted the general's attention for two reasons:_

_the rumours about miracles had made him thought about Innocence;_

_said princess was told to be unearthly beauty. _

_Being a general and a womanizer, Cross was attracted by the legend and went searching for the source of that tales. This way, after two months of researches, he reached an ancient medieval city among the mountains. The city had probably known better times and seemed to be rotting, but there still were people living among those ruins and the ancient castle stood tall on the hill as in the old times. Still, the people of that city were strange: they ran away from him as soon as they saw him and there was something wrong in the way they moved. It was like seeing puppets without cords so unnatural their movements seemed._

_Cross had been in__ the city for an hour or so when he heard a female voice singing. There was something extraordinary in that voice, something which was related with the intense purity of the sound and the powerful, impressive way it echoed throughout every alley of the city. For some moment the general had been left breathless and he had stood in the middle on one of the main street listening to the amazing sound, then he had slowly understood that the voice came from the castle area and in that moment he understood the reason why of all the legends he had heard: whoever had ever heard a sound like that couldn't doubt it came from an angel or something very similar to that. _

_Without thinking, he had turned his paces towards the cast__le in a hurry. It wasn't just curiosity what was moving him, there was something more now: after hearing the voice he felt the need to see the singer's face. No, it was more than a need; it was a powerful urge he couldn't suppress: a miracle was happening somewhere near him and it wasn't something he could just ignore. He had to see the princess singing, he had to lift his eyes on her face and observe her lips modulating those magical sounds. He had to. _

_Once he had reached the castle's doors he had expected guards to stop him or at least __that someone would have questioned, but the main gate was open and there was no-one to be seen. The general had approached the entrance warily expecting some trap, but once again nothing happened. The castle was desert and the voice kept on singing an unknown melody so pure and intense that it would have hypnotized a beast as Orpheus's lire was said to in the ancient times._

_The sound guided the general to the white marble stairs and made him reach the East __tower where a half-closed door awaited him. Nobody stopped him when he opened said door or when he stepped inside only to stop suddenly as soon as his eyes met the silhouette of the singer. _

_She was looking out of the window, or so it seemed, __clothed in a white silk dress embroidered with golden patterns. She was giving him her back and she didn't acknowledge his presence in any way, she just kept on singing with that extraordinary voice of hers. The only thing Cross could see of her at that time were her golden hair descending in waves till the ground, but the fairy-tale look of the whole scene was enough to charm him. _

_He didn't know how much time he did remain in that position, gazing at her figure and listening to her heartfelt singing, but after what seemed a long time the song ended and the spell seemed to break for some moment. Then, slowly, she turned and asked:_

"_Why aren't you dead as all the others?" _

_At first Cross couldn't answer. Her voice while speaking was just as intense and piercing as when she was singing, but it wasn't this what shocked the general: it was her white eyes' fault. She seemed to have no iris and her gaze was blank, inexpressive. Even though she was looking at his direction, he could tell she couldn't really see him. She was blind. _

_But her face was beautiful and fierce, her expression cold and a bit arrogant, while her empty gaze, her white dress and her slim appearance made her look so fragile and beauty as a rosebud. So, Cross thought, she was the treasure hidden in those ruins, a refined jewel which was worth all his searching of the last two months. She was the princess of the fairytale he had heard, she was the angel gifted with a destructive voice, she surely was an accommodator for Innocence and she was beautiful and young and alone. She was a damsel in distress to his eyes; she was everything he had searched for. _

_While he was thinking about all this, her magic voice echoed on the stonewalls:_

"_Why aren't you dead like all the others?"_

_Her face was inexpressive and her voice cold, but her question couldn't be misunderstood, not by a general of the Black Order._

"_So everyone who's near you while you sing gets killed. It's horrible, isn't it?" he asked without any concern while lighting his cigar. There was no answer from the princess' part, not even a changing whatsoever in her expression. _

"_So?" Cross asked with impudence "Now you can't speak either? I terrify you that much? Believe me, lady, if there is someone on this world that may help you it's me." Once again there __was no answer from the princess and the general decided to change his plans turning in womanizer-mode:_

"_Miss, you surely have a broken heart, I can understand it just by looking at the way your eyes are gazing out of the window. Please, let me fix that lovely broken heart of yours."_

_At these words the princess just passed by him without giving him a single glance and disappeared into once of the corridors__ leaving behind a stupefied Cross._

"_Wait!" the general tried to stop her, "Where are you going? You're living here alone? I need to speak with you!". It was all useless. The princess was no-where to be seen: she had vanished as if she had never really existed. Young Cross ran across the unknown corridors, but he couldn't find her. Then he turned a corner and he met two guards who arrested him. He didn't even fight back for the surprise: those guards were the first human b__eings he had met in the castle and they were not __alive!__ Of course they moved, they talked and their appearance was that of humans, but there was no life in their clouded eyes and their movements were somehow rigid as those of puppets. Their voice was emotionless and their words were like part of a ritual more than the result of thinking. _

_Closed in a cell in the underground, the new-appointed general couldn't help, but wonder what was wrong with the whole place. A blind, parasitic-type princess whose Innocence kills humans as well, puppet guards at her service, a desert castle, and what else was in store for him? Cross wondered if he really wanted to know something else about that__ place, but at the end curiosity won over the natural fear of the unthinkable. He was a scientist after all, and no scientist could be worth of such title if he fears the unknown. _

_In that moment the guards appeared on the other side of the bars. The princess was behind them, hidden in a deep blue cloak. Cross stared at her warily as the two puppets managed o open the cell. One word alone escaped from the princess' mouth:_

"_Come"._

_And Cross followed her out of the cell till the tower where they had first met. None of them said anything till they reached the balcony but once they reached the place the princess spoke:_

"_Look down here. What do you see?" she asked with her melodious voice. Cross obeyed and stared down at the city:_

"_I see an ancient city slowly rotting into ruins where people are afraid of everything. Whenever you go there is fear, diffidence and suspect." He said wondering if she would have felt offended, but the woman just nodded with gravity. _

"_There is a reason for their being afraid. This city was founded four century ago by one of my ancestors and since then there has never been a moment of peace for the demons have never stopped attacking us."_

"_Demons?" Cross asked while he started to understand what the matter was._

"_Yes," the princess confirmed, "huge monsters which turns people to sand. They have different shapes, but they all prey for humans' souls. To contrast their powers one member of my family at every generation is born with special power that can defeat the monsters and actually the burden graves on my shoulders. This is our secret, the reason why the city was never conquered by anyone for four centuries." The princess paused for a moment and Cross wondered if she was expecting an answer whatsoever from him, but then she continued:_

"_This is a cursed city, impudent foreigner, whoever lives here is damned. Escape from here till you can, I give you one day to leave the city. If tomorrow I'll find you still here I'll kill you." She threatened and walked away, but Cross stopped her before she could really leave:_

"_And you don't wonder why I was an exception? You don't crave to know why I wasn't killed by your singing? You're not tired of this forced loneliness in which you live?" She stopped at these words, but when she replied her voice was colder than ever, cruel:_

"_You're like a child, foreigner, you don't have any sense of what is appropriate and what is not. Of course I wonder, but that's not important, while it's important that you leave the city today. Probably tomorrow there will be another attack. And one more thing: I wasn't forced to loneliness, I chose to live in solitude myself." _

_Cross was a little taken aback, but then he answered with arrogance: "I'm not going to leave and for more than one reason. I'm a general of the Black Order and my work is that of killing those demons you also fight. You and I are the same and there are others out there with the same ability of us: they're called exorcists and they fight those monsters, the akuma, guided by the Black Order." He stopped and he noticed that the princess was listening to him attentively for the first time. So, he continued:_

"_As a General it is also my duty to find new exorcists and teach them to use their powers before taking them to the Black Order. When I said I can help you they weren't empty words." He declared with that arrogant calm which marked his persona. The princess stood silent for a moment, then she answered with her usual determination:_

"_I don't care. I don't have any use for you anyway since I already know how to use my powers and I don't have any intention of leaving this city and its castle__ ever." She murmured._

"_And what if I taught you how to use your Innocence so to kill only the akuma and not the humans as well?" Cross asked with a mischievous grim and the princess, who was already leaving the tower, stopped suddenly. Slowly, she turned towards the general and she declared coldly:_

"_I don't believe it."_

"_What it is that you don't believe? That I can teach you how to spare humans?"_

"_All of it. I don't believe a word of what you said." _

"_Then let's make a deal. You think that tomorrow there will be another attack, right? Let me fight the akuma tomorrow and if I win you won't have any choice but to believe me, isn't that so? If I can't fight them, instead, I'll probably be killed and it would be fine with you anyway. Am I right?" Cross asked calmly._

_The princess thought about it for a little while, then she answered:_

"_Very well." she said, "You__ can remain till tomorrow and I give you permission to fight the demons at my place tomorrow. If you'll destroy them all, every one of them, then I'll allow you to teach me how to control my power. But I have one last question before accepting."_

"_What question?"_

"_What do you want from me for your help? What's your aim?" she asked her voice as cold as ice. Cross smiled mischievously:_

"_Let's put it this way: I'll teach you to use your Innocence and you'll tell me what's wrong with the people of this city and you guards. I want to know what they are and how did they become like this. Does it seem fair to you?" he asked._

"_Fair enough." She answered, "See you tomorrow" she added and finally left. Cross didn't see her for all the remaining of the day, but he didn't really miss her absence since the guard guided him into his new room and advised him he could go whenever he pleased inside the castle except the princess' chamber and the throne's room. Cross liked the place and loved the high ceilings, the marble pavements and the magnificent stairs; but most of all he admired the wonderful paintings on the walls which transformed the palace now in a unknown forest, then in a oasis in the middle of the desert where gods and angels and heroes wandered, forever trapped within the colours of the pictures. The princess wasn't that different from them, the general thought, she also thought of herself as a part of the scenario and was condemned to remain there, trapped inside that city of horrors. _

_()()()()()()()()()()_

_The day after akuma attacked the city, just as the princess had predicted, and it was Cross to defeat them, as he had promised. When he communicated her he had defeated all the akuma, the woman didn't give any sign of surprise but she looked away whispering that she already knew before literally vanishing under the general's eyes. _

_That night Cross didn't sleep well for his dreams were agitated by strange creatures and characters which appeared out of nowhere to torment him. At the end a nightmare forced him to wake up. In the dream he was in the tower, waiting for the princess, when he had seen a shadow moving towards him. "Princess?__ Is it you?" he had called, but no-one had answered and then he had understood that there was more than one shadow: there were thousands of them, shadows of human form, ghosts, which had attacked him and overwhelmed him, screaming and screaming and screaming. Cross had took Judgement and fired one, two, three, four times, but nothing, the ghosts wouldn't go down, they were grabbing him, hugging him, screaming: "HELP! HELP! HELP…" …_

_That was when Cross had woken up, passing his right hand over his forehead wet with sweat. He breathed heavily. The dream had ended, but the crawling feeling of horror approaching was always there beside him remembering him… what? He felt there was something he had to remember and understand, but he couldn't find what it was. That was why he raised in the middle of the night and went towards the princess' bedroom._

_He knew he was breaking the promise he had made to never attempt to enter inside that door, but he couldn't care less. There was urgency in him, the feeling that he had to see her in that exact moment if he wanted to understand the missing pieces of the puzzles. So he went to her and knocked at her door, but nobody answered at first. He imagined that the princess was sleeping and didn't hear the knock._

_Suddenly, Cross thought it was very stupid for him to wake her up with basically no reason but the nightmare he had had. What was he? A child needing his mommy's attention? Hell, no! All of a sudden he couldn't bear the thought of the princess finding him standing there and he decided to return to his room, but the moment he was turning away he heard a low scream coming from inside the princess' bedroom and then the sound of someone sobbing. Now there was no way Cross could return to his room. Instead, he knocked once again and once again nobody answered. _

_Slowly, very slowly, Cross opened the chamber's door and what he saw left him horrified and spellbound. The moment he looked inside he knew that he was witnessing a secret he would have never been able to tell __to any living soul, no matter how long he would have lived._

_The princess was there, lying almost naked on her bed, and she was crying silently for the pain and who knows what else as the ghosts, the same ghosts of Cross' nightmare, were eating her alive. The General couldn't trust his own eyes as one of the creatures bit her left arm and eat her flesh. He stared perfectly horrified at the bloody remaining of what had been an arm, at the exposed bones which shined sinisterly under the light of the moon coming from the opened window. Cross did his best not to throw up. _

_Then another ghost bit the princess' abdomen and she let out a cry of pain. The general was going to walk inside the room and try to stop whatever was happening, though he didn't know how, when a sudden realization stopped him: The left arm which had been eaten was reforming itself! He watched in amazement and terror as __the blood stopped flowing and the flesh covered the bones once again, as if nothing had happened. She was being eaten, but at every bite her flesh would return as it was only to be bitten again. What was she: a new Prometheus? What kind of sin could she have committed to be punished so harshly? _

_She shouted once again and Cross entered into the room. He took Judgement and shot many and many times, but the ghosts didn't seem to be the least affected by it, but they noticed the General and attacked him. As it had been in the dream. But then the princess' voice echoed in the room as she was pronouncing words unknown to Cross. And at her words, the __ghosts vanished leaving the General lying on the floor, terrified and shocked. _

_But his shock didn't last long for the princess rose from her bed and slapped him on his face._

"_What the H-" the General began, but the woman interrupted him:_

"_What did you think you were doing?" she raged_

"_What was it? What kind of creatures were they?" He asked in response with the same rage. _

"_That's nothing of your business!"_

"_Of course," Cross replied sarcastically, "a woman is being eaten alive in front of my very eyes and that's nothing of my business, sure! I never thought of myself as a gentleman, but I still haven't sunk that low as to abandon a helpless woman in danger." He declared_

"_A helpless woman in danger? That's what you think that I am? Sorry to remind you, but the helpless one is you who knows nothing of nothing!" she shouted back and Cross growled:_

"_I want to know what is happening, NOW. This is my condition for teaching you, don't you remember? Keep your promise now and explain." His order was followed by an utter silence, but exactly when Cross began to think that she would not answer to him, the princess spoke: _

"_That's not the kind on tale that can be told at full night. It would be better to wait for tomorrow morning, now go to sleep." There was a gravity in her voice Cross had never heard before, but that didn't shook his determination:_

"_I'm no going anywhere, I want to know now. Please begin." He insisted and the princess sighed in annoyance, but it was obvious she was too tired to argue._

"_Very well," she said, "follow me." She ordered and Cross Marian obeyed. _

_The princess took the general out of the room and down the stairs. There was no light in the long corridors, but that wasn't a problem for her blind eyes though it made it hard for Cross to follow her. Marian was a scientist, he had never been the type who's scared by shadows, but after the experience he had__ just had he had began to fear everything, to imagine every sort of danger behind the blue velvet curtains. He followed her warily till they reached a huge door. _

"_Behind those doors there is the throne's room." The princess explained melancholy, "I never thought I'd ever allowed you to enter here, but since you're so eager to know… go on and welcome the horror." She told him bitterly. Cross looked back at her hesitant, then his hands grabbed the handles and he pushed on the gigantic doors. _

_There were torches burning inside the throne room and their light showed a human figure hidden behind red curtains. A metallic voice came from the figure:_

"_Maria, my beautiful daughter, how are you this night?" the unnatural voice asked without acknowledging Cross' presence at all. Princess Maria didn't answer but came forth with decision, the high heels of her silver shoes echoing rhythmically in the silent room, till she reached the curtains. Then she opened them with a determinate gesture and Cross almost took a step behind when he saw what had been hidden till then. _

_The king seated on the golden throne as every king is supposed to do and the crown lied on his white haired head__, but his eyes… the general had already seen eyes like those: they were the lifeless eyes of the guards, the eyes of a living puppet. _

_The metallic voice echoed inside the room once again:_

"_Maria, my beautiful daughter, why don't you answer?"_

_()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()_

"_Don't tell me…" Cross whispered in a low voice, "don't tell me they're all dead…" The silence which came from Maria in response was a guilty one. _

"_Is it really true?" the general asked, unable to look away from the king immobile figure, "You're really the only one alive in this city? What about the guards and the citizens? Are they all puppets?"_

"_Yes." Maria answered simply and her face was emotionless as always, her empty gaze unchanged as if she wasn't the only living one in a kingdom of dead people. "It was my voice which broke them: they couldn't withstand its intensity and everybody near me died. It was… too strong. I wanted to save them, not to kill them, but the power doesn't obey to my will, it only cares about the demons. My power doesn't exist to protect, but only to destroy." She stated in front of a shocked Cross._

"_But if they're dead, then why do they move and talk in that way? What's wrong with them?" the general asked. Maria didn't answer immediately, but after a moment of silence, she finally started explaining:_

"_It was the first of October of four years ago. The demons attacked us, as had already happened countless times before, but they were so many… There were much more of them than anytime before: probably they had decided to erase the city once for all. They flied inside the city and began to fire. I could feel the smell of the smoke of the explosions, and I could hear the cry of men and women and children. They were dying and they were crying out for help, for my help. My father came to me and ordered me to sing and wipe out the demons, but I didn't want to. I knew that if I had sung everyone would have died. I just knew… But my father insisted, he said that if I hadn't sung everybody would have died anyway and so I… I sang. I sang and sang, but my usual songs weren't enough and I increased the intensity of my voice. My father, who was next to me, was the first to die, but he was only the first of many, many others." Princess Maria paused as if she was lost in thought._

"_At the end," she whispered, "there was only silence. A terrible, frightening silence covering everything as a curse. There was no-one crying anymore, no-one was shouting or anything. There was only that horrible silence. And I understood I was the only one left alive. The only one…"_

"_And then?" Cross asked, impressed against his will. "Then what happened? Why did they return in this form?"_

"_It was me." Maria explained, "My mother was a witch and she taught me magic when I was little. So, even if my power killed them, I could take them back to live thanks to magic. I used an old spell in my mother's book to reanimate their bodies and I called their souls back. What you saw this night is the price I have to pay for it: every night the souls of those miserable people drain me of a day of my life… That's the only way I had to call them back." She stated sadly and somehow fiercely at the same time as if she was challenging him to blame her for what she had done. But Cross was simply amazed:_

"_But, if that's so, then… then why do they look like puppets? Why do they talk and move as if there weren't real souls inside them? They look like machines."_

"_I could recall their souls back and they surely are in those bodies," Maria confirmed, "but their conscience is lost forever. They're there, but they don't know it, they can't make use of their bodies as they did once, the only think they can do is obey to my orders, to their master's orders."_

"_You're telling me they're prisoners inside their own bodies? That they're there and that's all? They're no better than the souls imprisoned inside akuma!" Cross shouted._

"_THEY'RE NOT!" Was Maria's angry response, "Akuma were born to kill and were killed before their time, but them… I'm only giving them a second life whatsoever to pay them back of what I took from them! If I hadn't done it, they would have been gone forever and I would have been left alone as a punishment." She murmured and in that moment Cross understood:_

"_So that's the real matter," he said, "you feared to be left alone. Everything you did was for yourself, wasn't it? Isn't that so, Maria?"_

"_No! It was for them! They had died, if I hadn't acted that way there would have been nothing left for them, they would have vanished! This way, instead, they're alive…"_

"_No, they're prisoners, prisoners of your fear of being left alone, prisoners of your selfishness." Cross stated at last. A second later Maria was slapping him:_

"_Who do you think you are?" she raged in a low voice, "You came here and altered the equilibrium; you came here to tempt me, to fill me with useless vain hope. And, at last, you came here to blame me, you who know nothing about nothing!" She said venomously at him, her voice filled with such hatred Cross though she would have killed him if only she could. But she hadn't, she had left him standing there instead and went to her room. _

_Cross seated on the cold marble stairs thinking over what he had just seen and heard. Somehow, the icy pavement under him gave him a comfortable feeling, a sense of reality in a moment when everything seemed terribly out of place and utterly absurd. _

_()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()_

That was how Cross had met Maria for the first time and how he had come to know the horrible secret her existence had kept hidden for years. At the beginning Cross had despised her, though he loved her voice, he considered her spoiled, arrogant, selfish, even stupid in her refusal to admit the truth: that she had practiced her magic only to ease her solitude.

Still, he had promised her he would have taught her how to use her Innocence and so he did, but during the time he spent there in her company he realized an important thing: maybe it was him the stupid one, maybe it was him the one unable to comprehend the feelings of the others. Even thought he kept on thinking that she was doing something monstrous keeping those persons imprisoned, with time Cross began to understand her and her fear of solitude. He started to accept her and with the acceptance came also respect, admiration and… love.

He was uneasy at first, it was just ridiculous for him to fall for her, but he had, though in his own way. He wanted to take her to the Black Order and make her become an exorcist; he wanted to take her away from that frightening place and give her a new life where she could have freed herself from her cursed past, a new life in a new land far away from that city of darkness. But as she was then, she would have never followed him, never.

She was severely bound to that place where she thought to belong and she would never left it. She believed that it was her duty to remain there, a sort of punishment she was inflicting to herself, and nothing Cross could say would have convinced her that it was unnecessary. She had become the city itself, she couldn't left that land more than a tree can do: strong roots anchored her to that ground. But with time, at least, Cross has started to understand it, to comprehend everything of it: her guilt, her conviction she couldn't left that place, her needing for those conscienceless ghouls, till one day he stopped asking her to let them go.

This may seem the perfect starting for an unconventional, sad, but perfect love story: he falls for her, she falls for him, and they live together happily ever after, it would sound nice, but no! This is no fairy tale and they didn't live in a kingdom far, far away. They were near instead, near to war, death and destruction and those things were doomed to reach them sooner or later and they knew. There was no time for affection and there wasn't space for love inside of Maria's heart either. Her ability to love was all dedicated to dead, lost souls and she had no interest in living men.

Sometimes Cross despaired and wondered what should he do, but there was no way out: he knew that one day he would have had to abandon her and return to the Black Order and he knew, or he just believed to know, that she wouldn't have followed him. Still, destiny works in strange and unknown ways and it would have surprised even Cross' darkest previsions.

Cross lived together with the princess for a year and an half during which Maria learnt how to control the Innocence and Cross learnt magic from her, then the worst happened.

Maria died.

You're asking how did she die? No, it wasn't because of an akuma attack and no, the souls of her victims didn't destroy her. It was a fever. She died because a stupid common fever in a cold rainy day of October. She was sure it would pass and Cross had thought it was nothing to worry about, everyone catches a cold in winter, but it didn't pass. She passed away instead, and the general felt grieved beyond measure and guilty, guilty because he had underestimated her malady, guilty because he hadn't known how to console her when she was desperate and dying because the ghouls would have disappeared with her.

Then she was quiet and Cross looked out of the window. He saw that the souls had been freed by the spell and he knew she was gone.

He first thought that she was finally free as well, free of her remorse, of her anguish, free from that gruesome life, free form that cursed place. Then he realized that in her life she had known nothing, but THAT and the pain returned more intensely than before. That wasn't the end of her sufferance, just the end of her chances and hopes to have a better life. She had been young and beautiful, she had been intelligent and shrew and what was left of her? Nothing. What had life given to her? Nothing but horrors.

These thought filled Cross with an insane rage he had never known before: that more than anything he had seen on the battlefield as an exorcist seemed so terribly unfair! Why had it to happen? Why couldn't he do anything about that? Because he couldn't do anything, couldn't he? Or maybe he could? Maybe he could overthrown the destiny and defeat death at its own joke. He started to think about it, about making Maria a ghoul, but not like the citizens, something better… He had studied magic a lot with her, he knew far more than she knew at that time and maybe… maybe he could really bring her back to life.

Since he first had this thought, he couldn't thought about anything else.

"_It's wrong!" _His old self shouted at him,_ "She'll become a puppets in your hands and then? Isn't that the same despicable thing you blamed her for?"_ He thought about that and swore inside himself that he would never, never do such a thing, but then his new self was there to convince him:

"_Oh, but think of it! Wouldn't it be wonderful to defeat death? Who cares if she'll be a puppet __**for now! **__You'll keep on studying, you'll improve and you'll come to perfection the technique till you'll be able to really bring her back to life. It's only a matter of time. But now you have to hurry and call her back, hurry!"_

And Cross wondered and wondered what was right for him to do. It was not only "what was best for her" to worry him, but also a primordial fear. If he decided to transform her into a ghoul, he would step in a land which was severely forbidden to humans. He would have altered the equilibrium, as Maria had said one night, he would have challenged God himself with a single dreadful act. Calling someone back to life wasn't a single thing to do: it was like declaring war to whoever rules the universe, if someone as such does exist.

General Cross wondered, hesitated, despaired and who knows what else he cursed during that faithful night, then he took his decision. He lied Maria's body in front of him inside a bloody circle trailed on the ground; he knelt in front of her corpse and he pronounced the words which sealed the faith of them both. Cross transformed her and you know why? You know what won over every scruple? It was her beauty, her potential, all the gifts nature had given her which had gone to waste: it was too unfair, too unfair for her to die so young without having felt nothing of the joys of life. It was because of this that Cross fell, because of this and of an obscure desire Cross himself refused to acknowledge even to himself.

She had refused to follow him while she was alive, she had been independent and wild, and Cross knew he would have never convinced her to come with him. And yet he had wanted her desperately, so much that he had remained in that cursed castle for a whole year only to stay with her. But no matter what he could do, she had never softened towards him, not even a little. She had been too proud, too arrogant, too independent. And now she was finally his. Willing or unwilling this way she would be his, at last. She had refused to be his woman? Well, now she would become his puppet at least.

It was with such dark thoughts in mind that Cross conquered his second Innocence, the parasitic weapon Maria, and since then they had never parted: master and puppet, exorcist and weapon, always together, for twenty long years, till the night Central had tried to kill him. That night everything had changed and the equilibrium had been broken for the third time…

_()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()_

_Headquarters of the Black Order, Cross' room, night_

_The wounded General lied against the window of his room trying to save his last breaths. He felt like shit in that moment with his mind going numb for the blood loss ad too many thought running across his head, thoughts as:_

"_Why Judgement didn't fire when I ordered it to?"_

"_Who ordered the Crow to murder me? Leverrier? The Central? Or maybe there is someone else involved?" _

"_Why did the Innocence betray me? There were no signals of this happening, weren't their? Or maybe… maybe…" _

_At the end Cross stopped thinking. His mind was too crowded and he was too tired, so damn tired… maybe he could just take a nap, couldn't he? No, of course he couldn't for he was dying, at last. What a joke to die now that the Fourteenth was so near after more than twenty years of waiting… and how sad that he never succeeded to bring Maria back to live. After all, he had failed assuming the role of God, he had fallen and now he was dying and Maria was dead as well. That wasn't the fairytale ending he had hoped for. _

"_What a shame," he thought, "what a shame to die now that I was so near, so near to victory. And now everything is lost, for me at least, but not for her." He said to himself as a crazy idea jumped inside his mind._

"_Grave of Maria" he called weakly hoping that his second Innocence hadn't abandoned him as well. And Maria appeared, despite all his fears, she came out as beautiful as always. _

_Slowly, weakly, panting for the pain, Cross dirtied his right hand with his own blood and began drawing strange symbols over the doll's face. At the end he brought his hands together upon the bloody traces and he pronounced unknown words. That was his last spell, he knew, the result of twenty years or researches, the spell he had never tried before. He could only pray desperately it would work. If it worked, maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't have minded dying. _

_He felt his life-force becoming weaker at any second and at the end his _**lids?**_were too heavy and he closed his eyes. The last thing he saw was his beloved Maria blinking in confusion, staring at him with a puzzled look over her beautiful face dirty with blood. She was confused, lost, but alive, definitively alive. _

_Cross' experiment to exchange his life-span with another's had worked. He closed his eyes gratefully for what he thought would have been forever._

_()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()_

_Author's notes: _**Embrace it!**

**Strange chapter wasn't it? Really, it looked odd even to me who was writing it… I hope it's not too much for a T ra****ting. If you're disappointed with it review or PM me. If you liked the chapter, review or PM me anyway ^^ **

**I'm sorry this is a little shorter than the last updates (it's 10 pages), but really: I couldn't make it otherwise. **

**I'm sorry to say this, but from now on FALLEN GODS will be updated monthly. I'm really sorry, but that's to be sure to make a decent job. **

**Besides, I have started reading "Orlando" by Virginia Woolf. It looks so strange to me… Is it me that can't understand English well, or is it really strange? If you've read it, please tell me. I think I'm going mad…**

**Now, there would be thousands and thousands things to say about this chapter, but I'm really tired, so… nothing. I just wish you all goodnight, readers! **

**Eris92**

**Rome, 29.08.2010**


	37. Chapter 37 Waiting for Apocalypse

**Here I am, people!**** Forgive me if I'm late. **

**As someone remembered me, it's time to return to Allen, don't you think? Well, don't worry because Allen is returning in great style! And Road as well… Read and REVIEW!**

**Soundtrack: for this chapter:**

"**Loving you keeps me alive" From the german version of the "Dracula" musical with ****Drew Sarich (I love this man!). Please, please, really, if you like Fallen Gods listen to this while you read the AllenXRoad part. It's something completely different to read while listening, believe me! Do it and you won't regret it. **

**DISCLAIMER: ****I don't own DGM, otherwise Road's sadism would have appeared in every situation. **

"_**A savage kiss is all he'd need to change his life and make this night victorious.**_

_**What princes of moon would we'd be!**_

_**Desire drives me to take him now, **_

_**No force on earth will ever tear him from my heart.**_

_**So why do I go back and forth? **_

_**Don't waste the chance and let the night pass by… he's mine to take, **_

_**He's right before my eyes…**_

_**He's out of reach, but right before my eyes."**_

"_**Right before my eyes" by Elton John from the "Lestat" musical**_

_CHAPTER XXXVII_- **WAITING FOR APOCALYPSE**

Two months had passed since Road had given up what remained of her humanity and accepted completely her Noah side. In appearance she hadn't changed much and no-one of the family treated her any different from before, but inside she had completely transformed, or so she thought.

When she was still divided between her human nature and the Noah, she often felt the need to test herself and torture humans just to prove herself she could do it, that she was different from common mortals. But deep inside she always felt insecure, she always thought: "what am I really?" and could never find the answer.

Now, those days were gone. She was sure of herself, sure of her superiority, and she didn't need to stupidly test herself anymore. She didn't find it satisfactory to torture humans anymore. It was boring, terribly boring now because they were so easy to manipulate! Their first reaction seeing her was that of being gentle with the new helpless girl; then, when they finally guessed what kind of monster she really was, they ran away, they shouted, they pleaded. So damn boring…

Even her feelings towards Allen had changed after her transformation. Once she had been obsessed by him and by the idea of making him hers, now she could think of him freely without feeling anything. She could think of him kissing another woman and she was fine, no jealousy, nothing. She had overcome that moment, she didn't need Allen anymore. No, not Allen, but Walker the exorcist. Since he meant nothing to her it was stupid to call him by his first name as if he was an old friend.

Still, when the Millennium Earl had told her that Alle…. Walker had been imprisoned, something had awakened in Road's heart: the awful thought that maybe she wouldn't have had the chance to see him anymore. Still, it wasn't _that_ what worried her, but the fact that she had to face him one last time before letting him be killed. She had to look at him in the eyes and be conscious he really meant nothing to her now, otherwise it would have been useless to give up her humanity, otherwise the thought would have tortured her all her life: the doubt that in the end she really loved Allen and nothing could change it, not even her inner Noah.

She wondered it sometimes, because she couldn't stop thinking of the exorcist even now, even if her thoughts about him were different from before. If once she had dreamed of having him as her lover, now she wanted him to be her slave. Now _he_ was the one and the only one she wanted to torture, the only human she wanted to defeat, the only man who could still made her doubt her superiority. Even if she knew it was impossible for her to be in love with him anymore now that she was no longer human, she had to face him one last time before saying goodbye. She had to be sure!

And with these thoughts in mind Road left Noah's Manor and directed herself towards Rome or, more exactly, towards the cell where Allen was imprisoned. It was easy for her, thanks to her power, to come there in an instant just by desiring it and it was easy as well to walk across the corridors unnoticed by the guards till she reached the cell.

There she stopped.

The stink was awful, but she didn't care and entered inside. Allen was sleeping on the cold, filthy ground and he seemed exhausted. She stared at him. Despite everything, his face conserved the angelic pure expression she remembered, and his big eyes still gave him an aura of naivety which was often only apparent. Though all his kindness, Allen was no stupid, he had seen how the world was, and he wasn't ingénue as other people thought. But Road knew the truth, she had always known it, and for this she had loved him even more, because he could be that good and pure against everything life had done to him.

Road passed her fingers across the exorcist's soft hair and she sighed in relief. She felt nothing, absolutely nothing: no pity towards that miserable human who was lying at her feet, helpless and hopeless, completely lost. She stared at his fair complexion under the old clothes and caressed slowly his chest. Once again she felt nothing, but that quiet pleasure so similar to comfort that warm flesh always offers. The teen sighed in his sleep and she felt absolutely nothing.

"I've overcome it," she complimented herself; "I've done it." She repeated and smiled confidently to herself, but along with the confidence, another feeling made its way in her head: the thought that she could finally destroy him now that she didn't need him anymore. Giving in to her sadistic side, her nails harshly scratched Allen's skin and the exorcist woke up violently. As soon as his eyes met Road's both the teen and the Noah felt scared to death though for different reasons.

The reasons of the girl's shock were surprise and delusion: she had been wrong all the time. She had thought that just because she had felt nothing caressing him she had overcome every feeling she had had for him, but she had forgotten the power his eyes had on her. Allen's physical appearance meant nothing if compared to those big wide eyes which seemed to reflect a world completely different from the one _she_ saw. She had been in love with those eyes since the first time she had met his gaze, and even now she was enchanted by their involuntary honesty. She was attracted by the fear she could read in them in that very moment. Every comforting illusion of hers about being pure evil disappeared. What had been the result of losing her humanity? She had got rid of the love she had felt for him, but love wasn't everything she had felt towards him. Admiration, physical attraction and other things mixed up which she couldn't name: there really was no way she could get rid of those as well?

For Allen, things were different and his fears were of another kind.

"I can't believe it!" he murmured shocked, "at the end you've really come to take me with you. But I won't follow you, I'm not a Noah, I still haven't surrendered to the Fourteenth, you won't make me join your side! I'll resist, no matter what, somehow I'll conserve my sanity and I will defeat him! Now, go away!" he shouted at her. Road gazed at him surprised while she quickly understood the reason of his fear of her. He had believed she had come to take him away as a Noah! She smiled:

"No way, Allen, I'm not here because of the Fourteenth. I just wanted to see you." She said cheerfully while lying on top of him. The exorcist seemed confused as if he couldn't really understand what she was saying.

"To see me?" he asked, his voice unsure. Oh, his voice was surprisingly deep when he was taken aback! So seducing…

"Of course," Road replied with sick sweetness, "I wanted to see what effect had on both you and me THIS!" She cried out as she stabbed his normal arm with one of her candles. Even if she still was attracted by him, she didn't love him anymore, he meant nothing. She could still overcome what remained of her feelings and kill him for she was a Noah now, not an helpless girl manipulated by her own feelings.

Allen shouted in grief as the candle pierced his soft skin. He tried to move away as Road stabbed him once again.

Some drop of his blood hit the Noah's cheek and she suddenly stopped hitting him.

She stared at Allen's painful eyes.

What was extraordinary about him was that even in that moment there was no plead in his gaze; his expression wasn't asking her: _"Why?"; _he simply accepted and suffered everything she wanted to do him. There was no rage, no hate in his eyes, no condemn. And Road remembered why she had loved him.

"Oh, Aren…" she murmured softly while kissing him, seated on the top of him, her face still covered with his blood. The teen didn't move, he didn't push her away. That was the Allen she had loved, the one she had desired and still desired.

But even so, it was over.

She could spend some moment with him one last time, but then it would be over because she wasn't the same Road of before and soon he wouldn't have been himself as well.

She sighed with mute resignation. Her fingers joked with his filthy hair, with his neck, his shoulders, while the teen was breathing heavily to suppress the pain and the weakness. He was dirty after two weeks of imprisonment, but she couldn't care less. It all made him look as a fallen angel even more. No, she thought, he was more like a fallen god casted away from those who had once served him, prayed him for help.

"Does it hurt?" Road asked him softly, her fingers brushing every line of his face. He nodded, half unconscious, his eyes clouded by the sufferance. She wasn't sure he could still understand what she was saying, but she spoke anyway:

"That's a scar I leave on you so that you won't ever forget about me, Allen. Never forget me, right?" she ordered sweetly.

"Never…" was Allen faint answer, "I try so hard to never forget anyone, I'll certainly remember of you… till my dying day…"

"Good boy." She replied softly feeling an unknown pleasure at his answer. That was the first and only time the exorcist had ever obeyed her, confessing her something similar to affection. Not that she really cared about his affection now…

"And why shouldn't you forget about me?" She asked curious.

"Because you are so fragile… and so strong at the same time…" He was lost in his deliration now, "you bear such a burden with such strength… even if I can't agree with your doings, I've always loved your strength…" he said and he smiled, but it was a strange smile and his voice was strange as well. Road lied a hand on his forehead. He had a high fever. Probably he didn't know what he was saying anymore; still he ignored all her orders of shutting up and kept on talking as if it was terribly important:

"I have to say it now, I won't have another chance," he pleaded and Road was too astonished to protest, "I loved your strength… Even when you killed humans and laughed at their corpses, I could still see them: the tears you couldn't shed. I respected you for the way you kept in balance between your humanity and your role as a Noah, putting your family at the first place and trying not to betray your heart at the same time… It was hard for you, I knew, but I loved your determination in doing the best you could in a situation you hated. And you were always smiling and laughing despite it all… I thought you were a little like me… I too wanted you at my side, if only I could…"

At these words Road jumped back getting away from him, her hands on her mouth. What had she done when she had given up her humanity? She had loosen everything Allen loved in her and he… he had liked her in a way? He hadn't said he loved her, but he had said that he would have wanted her by his side if only it had been possible! He had wanted her despite everything she had done to him and he was still confessing it after what she had just done? How stupid could he be? How stupid and adorable at the same time…

Road only wanted to cry and hug him tightly and slap him on his face for telling those things only when he was unconscious and it was too late.

Then everything changed in a few seconds: Allen stiffened all of a sudden, he began to tremble, and when Road called out his name worried, his hands reached her throat and tried to strangle her. The Noah looked back at his attacker and what she saw wasn't Allen.

Road had vague memories of the Fourteenth previous aspect, but she immediately recognized his will in Allen's distorted features. She tried to fight back, she wanted to order her candles to stab her opponent to death, but that was Allen's body and she didn't want to hurt him anymore. Every desire of torturing him had vanished from her mind long ago.

She tried to call out for Allen's name, but she failed. The hands on her throat were too rough, too strong.

It hurt.

Exactly when she felt she was going to loose consciousness she thought it was ironical for her die by Allen's hands (even if it wasn't really him, technically speaking), and all of a sudden it all seemed too cruel to her. Everything Allen had suffered as a man and as an exorcist, everything they couldn't have admitted out loud, every scar they had caused to each other, her being unable to feel any love towards him anymore, it all was unfair, it all was so damn wrong.

The world was so damn wrong.

God was so damn wrong.

And the Earl as well, the Millennium Count was so damn wrong as well.

That was when the rough hands of the Fourteenth let go of her all of a sudden. Road fell on her knees and took her hands at her throat breathing hard and coughing. Then she looked up at her attacker and the face she saw was Allen's once again. Relieved and curious against her will, Road rose up on her feet and came near the tired and feverish exorcist. She knelt beside him and tried to push aside his hair so that she could look at him in the eyes, but Allen rejected her hand avoiding the contact and hid his head between his arms.

"It's painful, I know," Road said, "it was like that for us all before…"

"No!" Allen replied, "It wasn't like that for you and it won't end the same way for me. I'll die before I become the Fourteenth."

"But if you were the Fourteenth, you could be with me, Aren… You know, a part of me wants you to transform. It would be so interesting to have you near me everyday…" She admitted. There was a strange aura surrounding them in that moment, something gentle and sweet. Probably it was because Allen was too sick to reject her then, or maybe it was because Road was finally trying to really understand him, but for once they didn't seem an exorcist and a Noah striving for a moment of intimacy before they would have to fight each other again. For once they looked like there was something more between them, something deeper: a sort of understanding that wasn't going to fade away.

"I won't transform," Allen protested fiercely, "I'd disappear. It wouldn't be me. Besides, the Fourteenth won't join the Noah family. He wants to kill the Earl."

"I know." Road admitted.

Silence fell between them.

"Aren…" Road called out after a moment.

"What?"

"Do you want me to take you out of here?"

Allen thought about it for a moment. He really did, but his answer wasn't something really for him to decide: "No," he declared with decision, "I won't run away. I'll stay here as long as it takes for me to defeat the Fourteenth will and prove them I'm not an enemy". Road smiled widely at his words:

"That's the Allen I know." She said and kissed him lightly on the livid lips. "You know," she continued, "I'd not have freed you even if you asked."

"Then what would you have done if I had said: All right, free me?" he wondered curious.

"I'd have gone away and let you rot in there. It would have meant you weren't my Allen anymore. I wouldn't have found you interesting anymore"

"Your Allen?" The exorcist laughed, "When did I become your property, Road Kamelot?"

"Well, I've always thought of you as mine, but I guess you officially became my property just some minute ago when you said you'd have wanted to be by my side as well, if only you could."

"When did I said such an idiocy?" He asked chuckling.

"What? You forgot already? That's no fair, Aren!" she protested and the exorcist laughed even harder. Still, he wasn't mocking her, it was a heartfelt laugher as if he was enjoying those moments.

"You know, you should really rest. You look like you just came out of Hell." She murmured.

"I'll do my best to catch some sleep." He assured her smiling, but it was a fake smile now. He had no intention of going to sleep, she knew, she remembered how it was like to be chased by your Noah: you lived with the constant fear that you couldn't relax a single minute. If you did, the monster would devour you before you could realize it.

"I'll be going Aren." She declared rising on her feet. He just nodded. She turned ready to leave, when his voice stopped her:

"You know, Road, despite everything, it was strangely nice to see you."

"Even thought I stabbed you?" she asked with bitter irony. She almost regretted it.

"If you hadn't I'd thought: that's not my Road anymore, isn't that so?"

"Then I should stab you every time we meet?" she joked.

"… Maybe you should refrain from this in future…"

"Maybe I will. Bye."

Allen said nothing and she left, disappearing as her usual.

As Road had feared, nothing had really changed between them. Even if she had thought that giving up her humanity would have saved her from her nasty feelings, there was no way she could escape from Allen. Even if she didn't love him anymore, Allen's eyes, Allen's smile, Allen's voice, all those particulars of him were just so precious to her. The sound of his voice calling her name was priceless; the expressions of his face, his honesty, everything of him was irreplaceable and adorable.

She was so greedy when it came to Allen! She wanted him always more, only for herself. Both the human and the Noah inside her were longing for him, that was the absurdity, and no matter how many times she could cast away a side of herself, the remaining one would desire Allen the same way the other did. Still, all she could wish for was that kind of moments. Some minute of peace, an hour or two of a forbidden romance, and then they would return to the battlefield and try to destroy each other until one of them would necessary die. Every time, they passed by each other, they barely met and then they lost each other to the cycle of eternal war where they were fighting in the first line.

But now, she had lost him forever. From then on, even if he had finally fallen in love with her, she wouldn't have been able to love him back. She was a real Noah now, she could find him terribly interesting, she could desire his body and wish to have him near her always, but love was another thing and there was no space for that thing in her anymore.

It was the end. Or was it just the beginning?

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

_Cafeteria, Headquarters of the Black Order, lunch time_

Kanda and Cassandra seated all alone at one of the Cafeteria's tables. It was lunch time and yet most of the tables were strangely deserted. Kanda studied the room suspiciously almost expecting something upsetting to happen, but Cassandra just sighed in annoyance:

"How stupid can they be?" she wondered out loud surprising the swordsman.

"Who is stupid?" he asked curious.

"Your missing exorcists friends: Lenalee, Lavi and co. You know why they're missing? They're still conjuring against poor Link-kun and they're refusing to speak with that Sara either because they saw her talk with him some day ago. Aren't they stupid?" She asked.

"It's only normal for them to despite the Inspector, I guess." Kanda replied in defence of the exorcists, "After all, he betrayed the moyashi."

"I don't think so," Cassandra replied with confidence, "I think he tried to save your friend instead, but failed."

"Why so?"

"Instinct. No, seriously, I deduce it from Link-kun face. Since Allen has disappeared he looks terribly down and I know he spoke with Leverrier in private many times. Every time he came out of that office he was more depressed and tired. I think he was as affectionate to the boy as you are."

"I am not affectionate to the moyashi." Kanda protested in a calm voice.

"You are." She insisted.

"I am NOT."

"You are."

"Fine, think whatever you want. Like I care about what you think…" Kanda concluded. Cassandra smiled victoriously at him. There was a strange friendly atmosphere between them as if they were two old friends used to argue over every little thing. Kanda would have never thought it possible just a week before, but the two of them had gotten along really well after the mission in Sweden and when they had fought against each other in the training room they had finally found an equilibrium. Having won against her every time they had fought bare-handed, Kanda had recovered a little of his hurt pride and he didn't feel inferior to her anymore. She won over him whenever they argued with words, but at fighting he was still better so you can say that they had stopped seeing each other as a rival and found their equilibrium.

Now that they could be at ease around each other, they had discovered that they didn't mind being together for the most of the day: she would read some odd book while he meditated and then they would train by fighting each other; after this they would have had lunch and argue about something (it was inevitable) and then they would train again or just seat in silence somewhere. It had become a routine and neither of the two seemed to dislike it. When she wasn't obsessed by something Cassandra could actually be a nice, quiet person so at the end Kanda didn't find her presence a torment, while _his _presence had the strange power to relax the woman so she appreciated him as well.

They were a strange couple and they themselves didn't know how to definite their relationship for they were not lovers, nor friends, nor rivals, but maybe all of those things and something more; still they liked the bizarre atmosphere there was between them. It was comfortable usually, but not when Cassandra was in her polemic mood. When she was obsessed by something she would become aggressive and rude, and she would provoke him into an endless argument which was destined to leave both of them strangely hurt. When she was like this it couldn't be helped: she destroyed everything and everyone near her with her cruel words, her sophistic reasonings...

It was as if she held a hunger for self-destruction inside, something which grew terribly and painfully inside her till she couldn't bear it and let it out on those near her. Kanda hated this characteristic of her and yet he knew that it had been THIS characteristic he had noticed when they had first met and that it had been THAT very characteristic that attracted him like a magnet to her sufferance since their first meeting.

"Oh," Cassandra noticed all of a sudden, "the Thirds have arrived."

"And then?" Kanda provoked her, annoyed. It disturbed him the way she seemed very interested in the Thirds. She always noticed when they were there and it annoyed him in an odd way.

"How strange," she continued, "Tokusa always walks side by side with Kiredori. He looks like he's ready to shield her from every danger. Truth to be told, they always argue, but he also acts as an over-protective brother around her. To think that her real brother, Madarao, does never look in her direction instead! What a strange group they are."

"How come you're so interested in them? I never thought you were one to gossip." Kanda accused her.

"I'm not gossiping!" Cassandra replied offended, "But it's true that I have some interest in them. They have had a strange life and who knows what awaits them… They must feel uneasy and lonely considering that most people at the Order avoid them. It is so unfair! They're not bad guys, especially Tokusa. I know him better than the others and I like him: he's a funny one."

"They're not normal humans." Kanda replied with severe cruelty, "They're half demons, unpredictable, who know when they'll turn against us? The Order shouldn't mess with such things." He declared. Cassandra stared at him with disgust:

"I agree that the Order should never carry on such experiments, but they did, the Thirds exist and you can't ignore them. Besides, what's human? If you put it this way, you and me probably aren't perfectly human as well. To me everything who has feelings is worth of being called human and I can assure that they have an heart as you do." She explained coldly before looking away from him. He had deluded her, he knew, and tried to explain:

"You don't get it," he said, "You can't get it, Cassandra. The problem is not their abnormal bodies, the problem is what their minds suffered while they were the Order's guinea-pigs." Kanda said and paused. Cassandra looked at him once again. He had regained her attention, so he continued:

"The likes of you can never understand what it means to be the subject of experiments. You, who have been always loved and admired by everyone can't even imagine how it is to be abused in every possible way. Do you think scientists have any scruple? To them you're a thing, a toy they will rape till it's completely broken and useless by any means. And I'm not speaking only about your body: it's your mind the one which suffers the worst damage. What kind of thoughts can pass trough your mind while you're abused and reduced to nothing? What ideas and aims do you mature when you don't even know what to hope and the whole world is your enemy?" He paused again. Cassandra eyes were fixed on him. It looked like it was one of those rare times when she was _really_ listening to him, body and soul.

"When I say that they're monster now," Kanda continued, "I'm not saying it's their fault, I'm not saying that it's because of what they did to their bodies, what I mean is that is very probable that their minds have been corrupted by the desperation and the horror of those years as guinea-pigs. I mean that I don't know if they can really feel the "human feelings" you spoke about anymore." Kanda concluded and looked at Cassandra in the eyes. He read such an intensity in her gaze which frightened him and he understood she was already far, far away from him, analysing every word he had pronounced so deeply that she would probably understand more than he had said.

"Tell me, Kanda," she began, "you said I can't understand because I was always loved and adored and all that shit, but by saying this do you mean that you can understand it, instead?" she asked. Kanda froze mentally. As he had feared she had understood more than he'd wanted.

"Maybe" he answered nervously and looked away. Cassandra surely noticed his reaction, but didn't insist and the swordsman remembered why he liked her company after all.

"Still," she said, "your reasoning makes no sense."

"What do you mean? He asked surprised and grateful she had changed subject.

"If their minds have been corrupted by the horror they have suffered, then we people as their companions should help them overcome it and not isolate them making them even more lonely and hurt than they already are." She declared. Somehow, her words sounded so childish that Kanda couldn't help but make a face:

"You think that every wound can be cured, but it's not like this. There are things that hurt us so deeply that just stitching up the wound is not enough. On the surface it may seem ok, but under it the injury is still there, pulsing and hurting, and someday it will open up again. There are things that can't be cured." Kanda declared with conviction.

"Prove it." Cassandra challenged him and her eyes were luminous and determinate as they always were when they were in the middle of an argument. Kanda sighed:

"Of course I can't prove it, but it's just obvious. Get real, you're not almighty."

"Maybe, but if I don't try I'll never know. Many things seem obvious, but how many of them are really so?" she asked and Kanda sighed once again, now severely pissed off:

"I've had enough of your optimism, I'm tired of it," he said, "Do as you like and get burnt if that's what you want. How can it be that you can't accept reality until you get almost destroyed by it?" he asked aggressive.

"And how is it that you're so afraid of trying? How come that you always think you're defeated before even fighting? Tell me, Kanda, where do you find the courage to look at your own reflection in the mirror at morning?" she asked bitterly and furiously. She wanted to hurt him, they both knew it, and she succeeded.

She had known well that if she had pronounced those words she would have destroyed the strange equilibrium between them, she had known that her words would have tormented him and broken him into pieces, she ad known that something between them had been annihilated when she had said those things out loud, but her urge for destruction had overwhelmed every feeling which may had retain her from speaking.

She had just finished speaking when she had noticed Kanda's expression and her eyes had widened in shock and guilt. What was reflected in the swordsman's eyes was that strange calm he possessed every time something hit right trough him piercing his very soul. His gaze was clouded, numb. The moment Cassandra saw him like this she understood she had done something irreparable. She bit her inferior lip.

She wanted desperately to say something, the silence between them was so horrible, but what could she say? That she hadn't meant it? Of course she had meant it and they both knew. Even if she had cried excuses he wouldn't have heard her. He was far, far away from her, somewhere in a place where she couldn't reach him in any way. She cursed herself. Her mind had known this would have happened, but her mouth had acted on her own.

She clutched her fists under the table as Kanda rose on his feet without a words and left, tall and steady as always. While he was going away, even his back turned on her seemed so full of dignity, while she felt as miserable as she had rarely felt in her life. What she had said was true, she believed it, so why was it so wrong to say it out loud? Why couldn't he realize it and accept it? Why was he so hopelessly stupid?

Oh, if only he could understand, for once! She thought.

_()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()_

_Rome, Vatican prisons, night_

Link walked across the filthy corridors under the Vatican's prisons. He had come once again to see Allen one last time and this time he had come in secret. No-one knew he was there, but Leverrier. After speaking with Sara, Link had decided to go and free Allen, even if that meant betraying the Order and the Crow, but there was one person he couldn't betray like that and it was the Commandant.

After their conversation (Author: it was in chapter XXXIV), when Leverrier had proved himself so comprehensive towards Link and showed clearly he trusted him more than anyone else, the Inspector had understood that he had finally reached his childhood dream: he had become someone important for the man who had saved him, he had become his support, one he could trust. He had finally become a person to Leverrier's eyes and not only a subordinate, just as the Inspector had dreamed as a child while he trained endlessly at the Crow academy.

That's why Link had felt he had to tell Leverrier what he was going to do, even if the Commandant would have probably tried to stop him, but the French had surprised him for the umpteenth time…

_/ A week before, inside Leverrier's office /_

"_Commandant, I'm going to the Vatican to free Allen Walker. I'll make him escape and take him somewhere safe" Link declared with a determinate gaze staring at a very distracted Leverrier. The Inspector sweated hard feeling every muscle of his body stiffen, from then on everything could happen, but the commandant didn't seem to get the meaning of his words for he didn't react in any way. I mean: he didn't shout in rage, nor did he call the guards, nor did he assume a worried look, nor anything Link would have expected from him as a normal reaction. No, the commandant just kept on staring out of the window with calm while saying:_

"_All right, Link-kun, do as you want."_

_Link was breathless for the surprise. He would have never imagined THAT. _

"_Emh, Commandant…" he hesitated, "that's all you're going to say?" he asked worried. Leverrier sighed patiently in response:_

"_Tell me, Link-kun, why exactly did you come here?"_

"_To tell you what I was going to do…?" Link answered doubtful. _

"_And why did you wanted to tell me that?" Leverrier asked once again with patience._

"_Because not telling you would have meant a betrayal! I mean, I know that I'm already betraying the Order planning to make a prisoner evade, but I really want to free Walker, I HAVE to, and I don't want to betray you at the same time, Commandant! So I thought that, maybe, if I…"_

"_That maybe if you had told me I wouldn't have felt betrayed?" Leverrier concluded for him._

"_Yes!" Link confirmed. Silence fell in the room._

"_What do you think I should do, now, Link kun?" The Commandant asked after a moment._

"_I do not know." The subordinate answered honestly._

"_Did you think that I may stop you and imprison you?"_

"_I did."_

"_And you still came? Why? Did you think I'd have spared you in an urge of compassion?" Leverrier asked with bitter sarcasm, a cruel light in his eyes._

"_No," Link answered almost immediately, "but I thought it would have been your right to do so if you wanted. I didn't know what you'd do, but I had to come. For the first time in my life I felt like I knew what was right to do and I couldn't do anyway else." _

_At this words Leverrier rolled his eyes and sighed, but every trace of malice had disappeared from his gaze:_

"_You did well," he told Link at last, "I'd have never forgiven you if you had gone without telling me anything." He confessed and then added tiredly: "Now you should go, and quickly. Vatican's prisons aren't exactly the best for the health. I don't know how much your friend can last down there."_

"_You're saying you're letting me go? You won't stop me, Commandant?" the Inspector asked, still not believing him. Leverrier rolled his eyes once again. What could he say to make it clearer?_

"_If you're going to go, I won't stop you." He said looking very tired now. Link was so moved he was going to cry, but instead he bowed so much that his forehead rested on the pavement:_

"_Thank you, my Commandant." He said._

"_Do not thank me," Leverrier warned him darkly, "because I have one condition: if you succeed and your little friend was really innocent there will be no complications, but if Walker or the Fourteenth gives us a problem whatsoever, you'll be executed Link-kun. Is that right with you, Inspector?"_

"_It's fine, my Commandant." Link answered with decision._

_/Back to the Vatican's prisons…/_

That's how Link had come till Italy with the silent approval of Leverrier, and no-one knew of his mission but the French Commandant.

The Inspector had reached Rome that very afternoon and had taken a room in a little hotel far from the middle of the city under fake name. He had planned to make Allen evade that night and take him there to rest for a couple of days before escaping from the city. As he had said to Leverrier, for the first time in his life Link knew he was doing the right thing and nothing was going to stop him now. Nothing, but the fear for what he would find down there, in the cell where Allen was supposed to.

There were butterflies in Link's stomach and I tell you: it wasn't a pleasant feeling. As much as he wanted to see Allen and starved to see him, to look into the teen's innocent eyes once again, the fear of meeting the Fourteenth instead wouldn't stop torturing him. The memory of when the Fourteenth had accused him to be evil still haunted him every time he thought about it.

Still, Link thought, he had taken his decision and he wouldn't have let the fear stop him. With this thought in mind, he advanced across the dirty dungeons till he reached the one where Allen was kept. Then, he looked inside the cell and what he saw, what he didn't see more exactly, filled him with a new fear he didn't know to possess.

The cell was empty, the gate destroyed as if an incommensurable strength had crushed it. There was no trace of Allen or of the Fourteenth in there.

Whoever possessed Allen Walker's body in that moment had escaped a few hours before.

_()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()_

_ 15__th__ march, 1743_

_My good diary, _

_Finally I can finish telling you what happened the other night, after I had to hide you. As I said, I was still writing when Tyki began to move in his sleep. It was so beautiful to watch him stretching his athletic body as he opened his closed fists… He turned for a while, then he opened his lips slightly and, still sleepy, he murmured my name like I had dreamed him to. _

"_Christine…" he called with his husky voice and in his tone I could avert something similar to a need. The handsomest womanizer, Lord Tyki Mikk, had just woken up and I had been his first thought. I felt so strange at the thought, almost moved, but why should I had? He's… he means nothing to me. Of course I'm attracted by him, of course I desire him, of course I enjoy is company and I rely on him more than I should, but thankfully I'm not in love with him. So, why should I care if he thought of me as soon as he woke up? _

"_Christine" he repeated and I acted without thinking. I rose from the chair where I seated and came next to him feeling a strange tenderness towards that man, tenderness and something else…_

"_I'm here" I told him as I stared at his open shirt, at the dark skin under it, I studied his strong neck and the force of my own need of him startled me. It was a feeling similar to emptiness, an horrible emptiness which was crawling inside me and I knew for sure that touching him was the only way to ease the sufferance._

"_According to my plan it had to be him the one falling for me and not the contrary!" I thought desperately, then Tyki opened his golden eyes and there were no space for clear thoughts in my mind anymore. He stared at me with decision for a moment and then he kissed me. I realized what he was going to do a moment before he would actually do it and I tried to keep him away from me. _

_It's not like I didn't desire it, of course I did, but I was scared: I knew that if I surrendered in that moment it would be over. I wouldn't be able to reject him anymore and I wasn't sure I wanted such a close relationship with him. I mean, being unable to reject him sounded too much as "depending from him" for my liking. I was frightened that a willing kiss would be enough to make me loose my independence. In my mind that kiss would have had the same meaning of a tattoo marking me as his property and there is no way I'll ever be anyone's property! I… don't want something like that to happen. I don't want to become like my mother, the servant of an uncaring husband. I want to dominate and not to be dominated._

"_You're breaking your promise." I reminded Tyki with a severity I didn't really feel and he let me go all of a sudden. _

"_It's true." he admitted looking shocked, but then his expression changed in a mischievous one: "Still," he added, "I know you want it as much as I want." He provoked me._

"_How do you know?" I asked trying (and failing) to look severe._

"_Your feverish eyes…" he murmured into my ear before biting it. I couldn't help but sigh in an embarrassing way._

"_See?" he asked me, "You're as rigid as a piece of wood," he commented chuckling silently, "but it's obvious you want me, Christine Leverrier…" he declared and I couldn't deny it. _

"_But I don't love you." I confessed and I was sure of it. I didn't love him, it was physical attraction that's all. I thought I'd diminish his ego this way, but his replied surprised me:_

"_There is time to remedy for that." he said in a low voice while kissing my neck slowly. I shivered and he added: "Besides, it's the same for me. What's wrong with it?"_

"_We shouldn't be so carefree…" I tried to protest, but he silenced with a gesture and next thing I know I was kissing him back. If my family know this, and especially what happened later, they will kill me, but at that moment I didn't care. Honour? Respectability? Marriage? True Love? What's the meaning of these words? They hold no importance whatsoever to me compared to what I felt that night. All I know is that what happened is something precious and irreplaceable, something I'm not going to regret. Why should I? I was happy with him and who cares if the rest of the world think it's wrong: they were not at my place that time, they'll never know what did it mean for me._

_I'm not going to add a single word to describe what happened for I think the situation is clear enough to let you imagine it, but there is one more thing I really want to say: in that moment I thought I had really understood Tyki for the first time, I had the feeling his body could tell me the words he will never able to say, the secrets about him he himself doesn't know. And I think it was the same for him, though it may be just an illusion of mine._

_When I woke up the following morning, he was still sleeping, holding me tightly against him. His skin was hot against mine and his heart was beating slowly, is smell was something familiar. Everything of him comforted me. At the beginning I felt uneasy at the thought of what we had done, then I remembered what it all had meant to me and I smiled to myself with satisfaction. It may sound awkward but, in contrast with my previous thoughts, I didn't feel imprisoned, I didn't think of myself like a property of his. Instead I felt free. I had just broken the biggest taboo of our society, I moved my first pace on the path of rebellion. _

_I felt as if my life had just started, as if that was the first day I really lived free as I was of all conventions and fears. For a night I had been really free and it was all thanks to Tyki. I didn't care if he had only used me as he did with all the other women he spent his nights with for he hadn't been the only one gaining something from our time together. It had been wonderful. I didn't regret a single minute of it. And I loved him for all that. _

_I kissed his forehead and sneaked out of his room, returning to my own. There I found a letter for my family. It really was the worst moment ever to receive a missive from them; still I opened the thing and read it through. As always it was my mother writing, but here and there I could feel my father's presence manipulating the sentences so that there were hidden meaning only I would get. It was annoying to read all that mountain of false affection, but somehow I managed to understand they wanted to know if there had been suspect strangers visiting Kamelot Manor lately. _

_In my response I told them, among all the stupidities I wrote, that while me and Road were having a picnic there had been a meeting at the Manor though I didn't know what kind of people had taken part in it. I hoped that was enough for my father, but the truth is that I couldn't care less about him. That letter had made him look more hostile and distant than ever to my eyes. _

_When the eight a.m. finally came I went to visit Road. She felt better than the previous day and she seemed to be ok. She said I looked strange and tried to make me confess what happened, but I denied everything. I wasn't ready to tell her and honestly I didn't know what she would have thought of me. I feared her opinion while I didn't care of anyone else's, but after all she is my best friend and Tyki is his uncle. She had said she hoped to see us together before, but words are one thing, while facts… _

_Anyway, the day went on quietly without anything strange happening and I passed the whole day joking and laughing with my adored best friend. Absorbed as I had been by my problems with Amatus and Tyki, I had neglected her lately and I wanted to make myself forgiven. We had a great day, but as night fell and I was alone in my room I began to feel lonely and wondered… I wondered if Tyki had lost interest in me after the previous night. Maybe from then on he would have ignored me. It could be a possibility and I couldn't avoid the thought though it made me terribly sad. I still desired Tyki, no matter how many times I had had him the night before. _

_Then I heard someone knocking at my door. I went to open and as soon as my eyes met a golden gaze all my doubts vanished like mist. I let you imagine what happened after that, my faithful diary, for I have no intention of writing it. _

_I'm happy, my diary, so stupidly happy. Still I wonder if I can be fine considering that such happiness was born from my impulsivity and his lust… Something born from such despicable things should be horrible and destroy my life, but then why do I feel happiness instead? Why am I so satisfied for the first time in my life? _

_I could have had a "perfect life", I could have married a kind respectable man who would have loved me till his dying day and have children, I could have become a real lady respected by men and taken as an example by the young ladies of high society, but then? What would have it been for me? I know far too well that such a "perfect life" would have never satisfied my starving soul. I long for something more and that something more is Tyki and everything he represents. _

_I'm free, I'm living among people who love me, and I have a wonderful lover who I can love without feeling condemned. How could I feel bad in such a situation? How can I regret such "perfect life" I'll never experience? And yet a shadow is over me: the consciousness that this won't last forever. _

_Christine Leverrier_

_()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()_

_**Author's notes- **_**Love, love, love, I want your love!**

**So? A pretty intense chapter, wasn't it? ****I fear Allen was OOC. If he was, please, tell me. It's enough if you digit the three letters "OOC" or "No OOC" in your review, don't worry, your lazy fingers won't melt for the effort! =)**

**For the first time, I didn't k****now what to write about Link. Really, so strange! Among all the characters, Link and Cassandra are those who resemble me the most so usually it's easy for me to write about them and especially about Link's feeling towards Allen and Leverrier. I have my Allen and Leverrier as well after all. Today instead, I don't know, I didn't feel inspired to write about him. **

**Now, enough with my ramblings which don't interest anyone**

**I wish you all good night and a happy new year!**

**Eris92**

**p.s.: check on my dA profile for new updates!**


	38. Chapter 38 Unexpected

**Hi people! I was eager to publish this chapter which was to me more or less a torment to write. I was tired, school was killing me, and I had to write something sad I'd have likely postponed another ten chapters, but I couldn't do anyway else, so here there is the chapter. S****till, there is AllenXRoad! I enjoy a lot writing about these two. Now, stop with my ramblings and go with the chapter!**

**Soundtrack for this chapter: **

"**Le ciel" by Malice Mizer for what concerns Allen and Road. That's the song I always listen to while writing about them;**

"**Russians" by Sting for the part with the Thirds. I love this song soooo much. The music makes your very soul tremble…**

"_**How can this be?**_

_**This demon leaves and God abandons me![…]**_

_**The vessel that I used to be is tainted now and ripped apart,**_

_**Bathed in madness by that fiend who's robbed me of my human heart…**_

_**My life is gone, but I live on**_

_**Dead, but still alive**_

_**Lost to those who loved me once, a demon now inside!"**_

"_**The thirst" by Elton John from the "Lestat" musical**_

_CHAPTER XXXVIII_—**UNEXPECTED**

_A barren land, somewhere in the world, evening_

Allen advanced tiredly across the fields. It was hard for him to keep on walking, after all he had been doing that since the night before when the Fourteenth had made him evade. Allen was still mad at his inner demon for having imposed his will on him that way after all the countless times the teen had declared that no, he wouldn't run away from the cell, no matter what. The Fourteenth had tried to convince him for almost a month, but all his reasons had been casted away by the young exorcist: running away was wrong, regardless of the situation, he didn't want to run and declare himself guilty.

The truth was that deep inside Allen had been sure that someone among his friends would have come at his rescue. He was sure of it, sure that Komui, Lenalee, Lavi and the others would have come and took him away from there. Still, none of them had come; the only ones who had showed up were Link and Road. Not very comforting, especially considering that the first _couldn't do_ anything for him and the second _didn't want_ to do anything for him.

The Fourteenth had made it clear long ago: if no-one was going to rescue Allen within a month, he'd take possession of the teen's body and evade for he had no intention to die in that _"shitty place"_, to use his words. When the Noah had told him so for the first time, Allen had refused to agree with the deal, but he hadn't really paid attention to that for he was so sure someone would come to help him… but nobody had came, a month had passed and his health was getting always worse since Road had stabbed him.

That's why, the previous night, all of a sudden, the Fourteenth had exclaimed:

"_I'm tired of all this and of your hesitation. I'm going to take you out of here."_

"Wait!" Allen had replied, "you're going to do what? I won't allow it!"

"_Do you think you're still in the position of making the rules? You should have guessed it by now…"_

"Guess what?"

"_That I'm the real owner of this body now. Really, the only reasons why you still exist is that I like you and you're useful to me."_

"Oh, please!" Allen replied arrogant, "the real reason is that you can't get rid of me without being eaten alive by my Innocence!"

"_Your Innocence? If that was the problem I'd just cut away that annoying arm and I'd be fine. No, the fact is that your powers are useful to my aim."_ The Fourteenth replied with nonchalance. There was a moment of silence during which Allen made a very Kanda-like "tsk", and then the Noha declared:

"_Prepare yourself, Allen, we're getting out of here."_

That sentence was the last thing the exorcist remembered of that night. After that there had been only darkness and silence. Utter silence and complete darkness. Allen had wondered if that was what happened to you once you're dead and had began to despair, horrified at the thought that one may spend what remains of eternity in such a state. He would have cried and cried if only he had had a body to weep with. Then the Fourteenth's voice had come bringing a light in that endless darkness:

"_Don't worry, Allen, I do not know how death is, I never really died, but you won't remain that way forever, I'll give you your body back tomorrow morning. Meanwhile, try to deal with the Emptiness."_

"What is this? Where am I?" the teen had asked both relieved and desperate.

"_That is the place where I am confined normally, when I don't want to take possession of your body, I mean. All the spirits without a corpse which for some reason haven't died are confined there, but you won't meet any of them. You can't perceive them for there is __neither time, nor space in that place and both you and them have no body, no sight, no hearing, et cetera… That's the Emptiness." _The Fourteenth explained gently.

"It's horrible!" Allen had declared, unable to hold himself back, "how can anyone live here without light, no warmth, no perception…? All alone…"

"_I did,"_The Noah had declared in response without arrogance. He was only reminding the boy who he was talking to, _"do you understand now why did I want to possess your body so badly?"_

"I do." Allen had answered sadly.

"_And that's also part of the reason why I don't want to get rid of you," _the Fourteenth had continued,_ "after all this time I came to like you. At least, you were one to talk with sometimes… A brief candle in the Emptiness, doomed to die while I'd live forever, and yet sparkling more than I'd have ever done."_

Allen hadn't answered immediately, so the silence had fallen on them once again, till the teen decided to break it with a little promise:

"If you swear me you won't do anything funny, I'll let you have my body once in a while…?" he had proposed hesitant. The Fourteenth had chuckled in response, but said nothing and the horrible silence had returned returning Allen to utter desperation.

Then, the morning after that, Allen had suddenly awoke in his own body once again, master of his own limbs once again. Surprised, he had opened and closed his first many times, studying every movement of his body, then he had smiled and said:

"Thank you".

"_You're welcome…" _the creepy, warm voice of the Fourteenth had answered him, chuckling once again, and Allen had been so happy as he had rarely been in his whole life: happy because he was alive, happy because he was inside his own body again, happy because he had began to understand a little more of his "demon inside".

All these things had happened a day before, and since then Allen had never stopped walking, following the Fourteenth's orders trying to get as far away as possible from Rome, from the Vatican and from its prisons. But even if he was an exorcist possessed by a Noah, the teen was still an human being, maybe, and walking for a whole day had exhausted him beyond words. He didn't have even the strength to complain and the fever was rising once again. The wounds Road had caused him were infect since no-one had cared to treat them.

"Confess it," Allen said to his inner demon while he somehow managed to keep on walking, "confess it: the reason why you gave my body back was that you didn't want to suffer all this stress…"

"_You've caught me…"_ the Fourteenth replied joking and Allen was tempted to smile. He would have liked to punch the Noah in that moment, but since that thing didn't have a real body… the only one he could punch was himself and he was already tired enough, he didn't need more injuries.

Then, slowly, the night fell on the country while he was still travelling across the rice fields and at this point the teen refused to go on despite the fourteenth protests and he settled on the ground to rest. Finally he could sleep and he was so much in need for a good night of restoring sleep! So much he wanted to rest, but still his injuries were torturing him forbidding him to close his eyes. He couldn't relax. And he was lucky to be in such conditions, because if he had fall asleep he would have never noticed the soldiers of the Vatican approaching, searching for someone. Searching for him.

Allen heard the sound of paces coming closer and looked in direction of the torches. There were soldiers, many soldiers indeed, coming towards him. There were dogs with them, dogs which barked towards him.

"_Run away, quickly!"_The Fourteenth advised him and Allen ran, he ran and ran, but he was tired, so tired that he almost didn't care anymore if he would have been caught or not, too tired to be scared by death even. He had high fever. At the end he fell on the ground and he found out he couldn't raise on his feet. It's over, he thought, hearing the soldiers approaching, it's over.

It was when Allen was on the verge of loosing consciousness, that he heard an acute, familiar voice chuckling and saying:

"How is it that I have to save you, Allen?"

Then the teen fainted because of both tiredness and fever.

_()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()_

When Allen opened his eyes it was morning and the sun coming from the open window hurt his tired eyes. He covered them with his left hand till he become used to the light. At that point he slowly lowered his arm and he was finally able to recognize the silhouette standing in front of him, a triumphant smile on her lips.

"Road…?" he asked doubtful. She nodded in response. She was in her human form and her eyes sparkled because of the excitement she obviously felt. What Allen couldn't understand was the reason why of her excitement and that made him anxious and worried.

"Why am I here?" he asked before correcting himself: "Where am I? And why are _you _here?" he demanded confused. Road worked hard to suppress the fit of laughter which came to her as soon as she saw his face. He seemed so childish when he was confused, like a little boy exploring his surrounding curiously!

"That's the first time I nurse someone. You should feel honoured." She said instead of answering him. At these words Allen relaxed in his bed and looked at her. He had to admit that when she was in her human shape Road could look very cute with her big dark eyes and her luminous black hair shining in a thousand reflexes under the light of the sun. He liked her dark skin as well for it contrasted so much against his own pale one. He would never admit it out loud of course, since he was an exorcist and she was a Noah, but Allen was attracted by Road. Sometimes he had come to think that he and the Noah had a similar character deep inside while their physical aspect was so different and he loved that illusion of apparent differences and hidden similarities. Everyone at the Order was easy to understand to his eyes, but Road was so different from anyone else! Every time he got to think he had understood something about her it was the moment when he discovered he hadn't understood anything at all. He had to admit, to himself at least, that he was strangely and perversely fascinated by her.

"So? Aren't you going to answer?" Road pouted annoyed.

"What?" Said Allen awakening from his day-dreaming, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking…"

"And what were you thinking?" Road asked mischievously coming closer.

"Ehm…" Allen gulped almost blushing, "I was thinking that there is so much sun…What time is it?"

"You're a bad liar," Road declared bored rolling her eyes, "but it's ten a.m." she said and seemed terribly depressed now.

"Road…?" Allen called out uncomfortable.

"Yes?" She asked, still depressed.

"May I ask you what happened yesterday night?"

"Of course!" she said livelier, "You were going to be caught and I saved you. I took you far away with my door and cured you."

"Oh…" Allen hesitated, surprised, "Thank you."

"You're welcome." She answered cheerfully once again and the teen thought strangely that it was the second time in a day that he thanked a Noah for something. There was something wrong with that situation, wasn't it?

"Ehm, Road?" he called out once again, "Why did you save me?"

She shrugged while saying: "Since you had promised me you'd never escape I guessed it was because of the Fourteenth that you had evaded and I felt obliged to help a colleague." She concluded simply. Allen felt a little strangely deluded, but then she continued:

"That's why I took you away from there, but if I cured you it was because it was you, Allen. Without you I don't have fun." She said at last and Allen smiled stupidly. Why was he smiling? He asked to himself. It was completely unreasonable for him to feel happy because a _Noah_ had been considerate towards him. It didn't count that the so-called Noah was Road, she was still an enemy of the Black Order and he was still an exor…

"_Wait,"_ he thought, _"can I still call myself an exorcist? Now that the Fourteenth is completely awaken and that the Order imprisoned me, can I still think of myself as an exorcist? What am I now?"_

"Something troubles you, Allen?" Road asked calling him back to the world. He raised his gaze and met the girl's eyes. She was so near him that his mind got very confused all of a sudden and once again he couldn't help the thought that she was really cute. There was something hard in her gaze, and yet he could guess the honesty at its bottom.

"Nothing, really, I only feel strange. A lot of things happened lately…" he confessed.

"Then I have something for you," Road declared victorious with a broad smile, "something I want to show you which will make you forget all troubles." She was excited once again and Allen would have bet that she had waited for that moment for hours while he slept.

"Raise on your feet and come with me!" she ordered taking him for his normal human arm and taking him out of the little house where they were. Once again Allen had to protect his eyes from the sun, but after a few moments he opened them wide for the surprise.

His mouth hanged open for the shock.

Road laughed hysterically at his reaction and muttered something like: _"that's funnier than I thought…"._

"T-this is…" Allen babbled uncertain before turning his eyes on Road once again.

"Does it look like the place where you dream to live one day?" She asked. The sun shined warm in the sky and in front of them there were the endless waves of the sea, a green sea whose colour changed abruptly to blue just a little further from the coast. Slowly, Allen sunk his human arm into the cold water and… it was so beautiful! The water was cold, but incredibly pure. To see his hand under it seemed something like a miracle. Never, never in his life Allen had seen such an amazing sight, never he had looked at nature's work with such admiration.

All his life he had heard the tales of the travellers about the ocean, but he had never seen it if not while in mission for the Order and under those circumstances he had never had the chance to enjoy it for they travelled mostly by night. But now… now he was free, free of the Order, of his burden as an exorcist, temporally free of the fear that the Fourteenth could overwhelm him, and he was there, in front of the sea, Road at his side. It looked like a dream.

"It's wonderful." He said amazed looking back at Road who stood behind him, observing all the strange amazed/happy faces he was making. She almost laughed. He had never thought Allen could be so childish, but, again, she had to remember that nobody ever spoiled him before; nobody had ever satisfied one of his whims before. Even if it was about something as stupid as seeing the ocean, Road felt proud of herself for having succeeded in making him so happy. And then she laughed hard when Allen turned once again towards her to ask if he could take a bath.

"You don't have to ask for my permission, you moron!" she said laughing heartily as he quickly put away his shirt and shoes before launching himself in the cold water with his pants still on. She observed him while he sunk under the surface only to resurface a moment later, panting for the unusual effort to hold his breath under the water. She laughed again. He really looked like a child, and as a child he seemed to fear to go further where the water was deeper, still he seemed happy just by seating there near the shore, examining the way the light of the sun shined on the surface and on his body under it, amazed. All of a sudden he turned towards her with the strangest of the expression:

"Thank you, Road!" he shouted and his face was a mix of tenderness, gratitude, surprise and doubt. Road smiled widely in return and came near him till the water began to wet her bare feet.

"Is it as you dreamed?" she asked gazing at the horizon.

"Better than any dream I may have ever had," he assured following her gaze, "I mean: this is _real_!" he exclaimed as he still couldn't believe it, then he assumed a suspicious expression:

"Because this _is_ real, isn't it? That's not one of your dreams, right?" he asked worried. Road slowly shook her head in deny, still smiling:

"You don't have to worry, everything here is real. I only used the door to take you away from there to another place, that's all."

"Oh, right… "The teen said remembering all of a sudden, "You took me away from _there_…" he murmured and silence fell on them. It wasn't an awkward silence though; they were fine like that, no need for useless words. The sound of the waves breaking on the shore, the noise of the wind flying across the air, those were the only things they could hear.

At the end Allen rose up on his feet and looked at her with a strange intensity. He took her hand between his. The water dropped from his wet hair on his handsome face, the light shined beautifully on his pale skin as he said:

"Road, I am… confused, but very, very grateful." He declared with a serious look on his elegant features. Road's heart skipped some beat. All of a sudden the child who was playing in the water just a moment ago had turned in the exceptional man she had always seen in him. The transformation left her at loss of words for a moment.

"No need for thanks," she exclaimed after a while, her voice colder than she had wanted, taking away her hand from his, "I just did it because I felt like doing it. End of the story."

"But still you saved me," Allen replied, "even though you knew that tomorrow I'll probably return to be your enemy on the battlefield."

"Probably." She confirmed and yet her voice was telling him she hoped in a different ending. Allen sighed. It was always the same heartbreaking situation. There was nothing he could do for her, no way he could find a solution for the paradox their very existence was. He had deserted the Order more or less willingly, that was true, but it didn't change things between them. They still fought for different things, different ideals. More exactly, she fought for an ideal, while Allen struggled to save those her ideal would have destroyed.

"Road…" he began.

"Shut up, Allen, I don't want to hear excuses from you, I don't need your excuses. I only want to know the truth, all the truth: having been possessed by the Fourteenth changed something in you and in your role in this war?" She asked without hesitation. Her gaze was strong and direct and once again Allen admired her for that terrible strength he could perceive in her sometimes. Such a person didn't need lies, such a woman didn't _deserve_ lies.

"No, I still think that following the Earl is wrong and I'll still do my best to destroy him and…"

"And those who follows him?" Road concluded for him.

"Yes." Allen confirmed firmly. They stared at each other in the eyes for some moment in complete silence. It seemed there was nothing they could add, it looked like that had to be the final end of their relationship and yet… there was a whole world of things to say still, an universe to explore, know and understand. And there they were, at its doors, wondering if they should walk away and forget about it or...

"Return inside," Road said coldly to him after a little while, "your wounds are still not healed and if you don't put something on the fever will return."

"Oh, right…" was Allen's brilliant answer before following her inside, but as they walked he managed to grab her hand once again. She didn't retrieve it.

Why couldn't things be simple? Allen thought. If only he could he would have kissed her that very moment because she fascinated him, she held him captive even when she had no intention to. Road's hair shined under the light of the sun showing a thousand reflexes, reflexes which changed every time she moved or just inclined her head.

Allen's white hair was always of the same colour instead no matter which kind of light shined on them. White is always white, it can be dirtied, but it never really changes. White has no reflexes.

Road's dark eyes reflected the whole world in them, Allen thought he could discover a new universe just looking into them, and he couldn't help but wonder what she saw in _his _gray eyes. Yes, he thought, his eyes could look beautiful with their strange colour, almost silver, but were they at least half as engaging as hers? After a whole life spent by desiring fervently to be less showy, for the first time Allen longed to be strange and beautiful, yes, beautiful as she was. For a moment he thought he knew why she appeared so engaging to him: it was because she was complex, much more complex than him and everybody else he knew.

He decided he loved her strangeness and complexity, the complexity of evil which was unknown to him, and he followed her into the little house on the shore without any hesitation.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

_Headquarters of the Black Order, very early in the morning…_

"Run, quickly, run, Kiredori!" Tevak shouted at the little girl while holding the door open for her. The littlest of the Thirds entered just in time before Madarao crashed the door closed. Meanwhile Madarao and Tokusa had already started to barricade the entrance of the second for the second part of the Headquarters, the one where the members of the science section had their private chambers.

"This won't put them off for long…" Tokusa muttered worried. That was their last stand, he knew. That was their last night. The thought echoed incessantly in his mind as if he was concentrating to understand these words, but it was like their real meaning couldn't pierce his brain. It was as if he still couldn't surrender to the unavoidable, as if he couldn't accept the horrible prevision. But still, even if his heart refused to understand, his rational mind knew far too well that they had no chances against that group of Crow who had been trained for months with the only purpose to destroy them, the defective machines.

Obviously Tokusa had seen it coming, they all knew that they would have been attacked sooner or later, but to experience the real thing was far more shocking than he had thought. His knees trembled despite all his efforts to calm down himself. After all, only those who haven't really lived can stand in front of Death without fearing it.

"It's time," Madarao whispered suddenly to Tokusa and he stiffened for the surprise at hearing his captain's voice. He immediately got what he meant, he had known for months that it would have come the day when he'd have to hear those words and yet now he didn't want to obey despite all his fears.

"Madarao," he started pained, " I can't… It must be you to take her away!"

"Silence!" the leader of the Thirds started, "We already discussed it, it's settled. Now take Kiredori with you and run away while I and Tevak hold them back. That's your last mission, exorcist, and if you fail may you be damned till the end of time." Madarao pronounced his curse in a low but firm voice and Tokusa knew there was no way he could escape that fate now.

Once again he'd have been the survivor, once again he'd have carried on his shoulders the horrible regret of being alive while others had died for his sake.

But still, he thought, he wasn't the one who mattered, the only one really important was Kiredori, the young Kiredori, the doomed Kiredori who deserved at least some month of happiness before the mutation would have taken them down one by one slowly, silently and surely. It was because of her that they'd run away when they knew they didn't stand a chance in the first place, it was because of her that they all would fight till their last breath, but she didn't have to know. She didn't have to feel responsible for what was going to happen to them, any other way their efforts would have been useless.

That's why Tokusa grabbed her for her small waist at the very last minute before starting running.

"Wait!" the girl shouted, "Wait, Tokusa, where are you taking me? Why are we leaving them behind?" She shouted over and over again, but she couldn't get free of the man's hold.

"Brother!" She shouted at Madarao desperately, but then, as always, he didn't have time to look at her, his attention was all focused on the barricaded door and he didn't even gave her one last glance. Tevak instead smiled gently at her and made a gesture the girl couldn't possibly misunderstand: she was saying her goodbye!

"Wait, Tokusa, wait! Why aren't they following us? Brother! Tevak! BROTHER!" She called out again and again, tears flowing down across her cheeks, but Tokusa didn't stop running. The silhouettes of the two Thirds who had stayed behind became always littler to her eyes, till she turned behind a corner and they disappeared completely from her sight. Kiredori couldn't stop crying. She believed she had begun to understand what was happening.

Meanwhile the barricaded door was getting worse under the brute force of the Crow trying to get in. Madarao kept on watching it attentively as he heard Kiredori's cries growing fainter at every step Tokusa was taking. He didn't look back. He didn't want to see her face stained with bloody tears as those akuma do cry.

"Why didn't you wish her goodbye?" Tevak asked him gently and there was no accusation in her question. The door trembled once more, this time more violently. How much time did they have left before it would fall?

"Why should I?" Madarao replied stubbornly, "If I waved her goodbye would that make our separation less bitter? Do you think she would forgive me just because I silently said "goodbye"? You know it better than me: Kiredori will never forgive me despite everything she may say and believe. She will never forgive me for having become what I am now, for having refused willingly the normal life which was stripped away from her and it's fine this way, I guess, as long as I feel like I have atoned my sin against her."

"You're always so selfish…" Tevak told him smiling, but there was a silent scolding in her eyes.

"Besides," Madarao continued, "it's not like I have ever showed any consideration towards her, so what would it be the meaning in being considerate only at the very last moment?" he asked. His voice was so plain, so emotionless, but he knew he didn't have to express his emotions for Tevak to understand them anyway.

"It's not like she'll never forgive you, the truth is that _you don't want her to forgive you_, isn't that so?" Tevak asked in response, "Do you really believe that it will be good for her to remember you as a bastard, or maybe is it good for you? Can it be that you think that making her hate you you're already atoning for your sin?"

Madarao said nothing, but bloody tears fell from his right eye, bloody tears as those of the akuma, but the emotions behind them were the most human in the world.

A moment later, the door fell.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

_Headquarters of the Black Order, meanwhile… _

"Please, Tokusa, stop it!" Kiredori cried on his shoulders, "Please, please, let me return to my brother!" she pleaded, but the Third didn't listen to her.

"Tokusa, Tokusa, Tokusa, STOP!" She shouted.

"I can't." was the only pained response which came from his mouth.

"Of course you can, you big idiot! Just put me down!"

"I can't. I have to take you away in a place where you'll be safe and happy."

"I don't want to be safe and happy," the girl cried out desperately, "I just want to be with my brother and Tevak, and you and Goushi! I want us to remain together, our family…"

Finally Tokusa put an end to his helpless escaping and put her down holding her firmly between his arms, looking straight into her devil-like eyes, modified eyes as his:

"Our family has been destroyed and Goushi is dead. I'm sorry Kiredori, but that's why you must live. Please… please, live and give me a reason to keep on fighting…" He told to her and he wasn't the sarcastic friend who used to make fun out of her anymore, but a man pleading for her help even if the only thing she could do for him was to allow him to save her life. She breathed in sobbing and tried to suppress her tears without success. She had to be strong, she had to do it for Tokusa, but how could she when there was only one thought in her mind:

"_Why did brother ignore me while I was calling out his name? Really, can it be? Can it be that even at the very end he didn't consider me worth of his attention? Even at the last moment, wasn't I worth of your love, brother?" _She asked silently in her mind and shut her eyes, as if she was expecting some sign to come to her with the response.

In that moment, Tokusa heard the sound of paces approaching.

"_Damnit, they're already here!" _he thought furiously and started to run once again though he didn't have any idea of where he could find a way to escape or to hide. Even so, everything was better than getting caught by the Crow. The Third forbade to his mind to remember that Madarao and Tevak should have held them back, he refused to accept that if the assassins were already there they must have already gotten rid of his companions, but he kept on running furiously.

Then, just before entering into the third section of the Headquarters (the one where the exorcists had their rooms), he quickly turned back and casted an explosive spell on his and Kiredori's persecutors. Tokusa skilfully took advantage of the mist produced by the explosion to make a run for the entrance of the third section and barricaded the door. The moment he finished he heard the sound of the assassins trying to force the door down.

"What are we going to do now?" Kiredori asked and though fear filled her voice her gaze was clear. Just the slight tremble of her hands which held tight on Tokusa's shoulders communicated him how scared she actually was. He wanted to say something to reassure her, but his mind was all numb, frantically searching for a solution he couldn't find. Meanwhile the Crow's attacks were growing more violent. Tokusa cursed himself over and over for his helplessness, he would have never forgiven himself if he was to make Madarao's and Tevak's sacrifice go to waste, and yet there was no-where he could run. Around him there were no doors or windows, but stairs, many stairs, countless stairs, and yet he knew they would have taken to other floors just like the one where he was. He wouldn't have found an opening to the outside, no matter how many stairs he was going to climb.

Then the door of one of the exorcists' rooms opened all of a sudden.

Tokusa stood protectively between Kiredori and the new "enemy".

A tall man with long black hair came out from the room and pointed his right arm at them: "Are you going to come in, or are you just waiting for the Crows to come and kill you?"

Without thinking Tokusa followed Kanda Yuu, the most unfriendly of the exorcists, inside his room.

_()()()()()()()()()()()()()_

_Kanda's room, Headquarters of the Black Order, night._

Kanda cursed himself mentally. What the Hell was he doing? Helping the Thirds escape? How could he had done that? He had betrayed the Order, he had disobeyed the Order to save two creatures he didn't even think to be worth saving and why? Why had he done such a thing? He didn't really know, but he had done it. He had made them escape through the broken window of his room.

Why?

Deep, deep inside Kanda feared to know the reason why of his uncommon behaviour. It had been because of Cassandra's words of the previous day, hadn't it? He hated to admit it, but that woman had ended up conditioning his whole life and this thing seriously pissed him off. It pissed him off so much he wanted to go searching for her and beat her up to dead, but he already knew he wasn't going to do it, wasn't he? After all he had avoided her since their last argument and he had refused to waste a single word on her.

It was childish of him, he knew that as well, but he couldn't help it. She had said those words knowing that they were exactly what could hurt him the most and he wasn't going to forgive that arrogant bitch any sooner, even though he knew that she was dying because of remorse in that very moment.

"_How come that you always think you're defeated before even fighting? Tell me, Kanda, where do you find the courage to look at your own reflection in the mirror at morning?"_

Those words had hit on the mark. It was always the same old problem: he could fight akuma and Noahs all over the world, but he wasn't brave enough to live his live properly, he had never been. After all, that was the reason why he had never tried to escape from the Order and the main cause for him still being the faithful dog of the Dark Religious. Really, how could such a creature have the courage to look at his reflection in the mirror? How could he live without being ashamed of himself, he who always gave up before trying? The real reason why he was able to fight during missions was that he had nothing to loose, it had nothing to do with courage.

He knew all this perfectly, but he liked to forget it and he had spent many, many years actually trying to stop thinking about this at all. And then Cassandra had arrived, forcing him to face his real coward self and remembering him that he couldn't keep on escaping from reality, that there were things for which was worth fighting just because they were precious and not because someone had ordered him to protect them. Cassandra, the beautiful witch, the cruel goddess with a human suffering mind… How was it that she could understand him so well, but could never act in the right way? That's what he had thought the day before while leaving her alone in the cafeteria, but now he had started to think that, maybe, for once she had said exactly what he needed to hear to wake himself up.

"_I'll show you!"_ That's what he had thought after hearing her words, he had considered her insults as a challenge and he had wanted to prove her that he wasn't like she thought that he was better than that, but how? How was he going to demonstrate her anything?

And then, as he was thinking over this, he had heard Tokusa's voice speaking to little Kiredori and he had understood the Crows were chasing after them; he understood that they probably were the only survivors of the original five Thirds and something had changed inside him all of a sudden. Maybe it was that the situation reminded him of what he himself had passed when he was only one of the many guinea-pigs at the Order's disposal, maybe it was that little Kiredori reminded him of Heiko, or maybe he just thought it was the right occasion to make Cassandra repent of her words, but he had been driven out of his room by a mad urge and he had showed Tokusa a way to escape.

How foolish of him. The old Kanda would have never done such a thing, he would have just minded his own business, but now there was something inside him that would have never allowed him to keep on acting like that. And the worst was that he knew what that "something" was. He had thought to be helpless, he had thought that he was just unsuited to be good and that it was ok for him to be a bastard if that was the way things were, but then… hearing Cassandra, who was nothing like good, speak of the righteous way of acting, sensing her faith in goodness if nothing else, all this had made him desire to be good once again.

The childish dream had returned: everybody can be good if he wants to, everybody can be saved from darkness, nothing can condemn you to evilness if you don't want to, and even for him, even for the coward Kanda Yuu there was hope. God or not God, good and evil truly existed, though they were inventions of mankind, and Kanda had always thought to belong to the latter. He had never thought he could _decide_ for he had never had the chance to decide anything.

Cassandra had opened his eyes about this, she had convinced him to believe in that goodness she herself thought to be a mirage, she had convinced him that he too had the chance to be good and the first act Kanda had made to reach such an absurd goal had been to help the Third escape and betray the Order. Was it really ok for him to act like that? Probably he had just gone crazy, he thought.

He suppressed the urge to laugh out loud as a madman.

Then someone knocked at the door and Kanda knew exactly who it was.

The Crows were still searching for the Thirds.

Ready to face everything, Kanda went to open the door and what he found was a short man covered with the mysterious clothes of the Crows.

"We're searching for the criminals." The assassin said without introduction.

"Criminals?" Kanda asked arrogant, "How could criminals enter inside the Black Order? And why are you searching them inside my room?" he asked threatening.

"I'm speaking about the Third exorcists," the Crow explained defending himself from Kanda's murdering glare, "We've been ordered to arrest them and…"

"I don't give a fuck about what you were ordered to!" Kanda raged, "And I didn't see nor hear them since I was sleeping until you came to wake me up. Now, since tomorrow morning I'll have to wake up early, I want to sleep so go pissing off someone else!" He shouted at last and smashed the door closed in front of the Crow's face. Kanda remained there, his back pressed against the door, until he heard the sound of the assassin's paces fading away. He had never really pretended to be angry before (author: he's always angry anyway…) and he hoped fervently that his acting had been convincing. He had a lot of problems already without the Crows accusing him of betrayal.

Still, a part of him felt stupidly proud of himself: he had acted against every conviction he had and tried to save some people he believed beyond any possible help and all this because of the idealistic whim of a woman he wasn't sure to like in the first place. _"Well done, Kanda, really well done"_, he congratulated himself bitterly. All of a sudden the room seemed too big for him and the silence of the night horrible and frightening. That wasn't like him. That room had always been his sanctuary, the only place which belonged to him and to him alone and the silence, oh the silence, the silence often was everything he wished for. But not there, not in that moment when he seemed able to understand perfectly how small and useless and fragile his existence was.

In that strange night for a strange moment Kanda wished he wasn't alone.

_()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()_

_**From the diary of Christine Leverrier…**_

_18__th__ March, 1743_

_Dear diary, _

_I knew it, I knew it couldn't last since the very first time I felt Tyki's lips on mines, but it would be a lie if I pretended it doesn't hurt me to know it has really finished. In this world of lies, unavoidable, eternal lies, this diary is the only space where I can show what my soul is really made of, so I won't lie, not here, to please an insignificant moral which I refused and rejected long ago. _

_What are you going to say now, my diary? That I couldn't expect a womanizer to really love me the way I dreamed? Yes, you would say it and you would be wrong for the problem isn't Tyki's love towards me. The problem is the Kamelot family, all of them, and the secrets they keep from me because of the mysterious Earl they worship. _

_But, once again, I'm speaking in too much a confused way for you to understand, my good diary. Everything began this morning when I descended for breakfast and found a very excited Tyki waiting for me. He was smiling so brightly that I had to fight hard not to kiss him in front of the servants. He's so beautiful when he smiles innocently like that! Still, he took my hands between his and spoke quickly and eagerly, anxious words mixed with tenderness:_

"_There is a great guest today at Kamelot Manor." He began, "The Millennium Earl is here!"_

"_And who is the Millennium Earl?" I asked faking complete ignorance while I knew something. I knew that my father believed such Earl his great archenemy and I knew it was under his orders that Tyki had threatened that man at the ball. To my eyes the Earl was the source of all the evil my father wanted to fight, of all the troubles I feared would destroy the perfect fragile happiness I was experiencing. Still, I knew nothing more about him and that was the perfect chance to ask Tyki, but he deluded my expectations:_

"_No time for that now, I want you to meet him!" he told me enthusiastically, "I want to introduce him to you. You'll see, he'll adore you and your beauty!"_

"_Really?" I asked half scared, but the happiness on his face annihilated my worst fears when he was next to m smiling in that way? For a moment I firmly believed that no monster, no horror would have ever dared to ruin such a beautiful expression over his perfect face. _

"_Really." He told me and took me inside the familiar dining room, the one with the high ceilings I adored. A big man with glasses seated in the middle of it, and everyone of the Kamelot family was around him as if they were starving and he was the only one able to placate their hunger. Only Tyki wasn't there, he was next to me, holding my hand firmly, excited. Everyone turned towards us when we entered and for the first time since I was in England I saw my hosts looking at me as if I was a despicable monster, a black spot on their perfect existence. In an instant I understood and I knew for sure they were shocked that Tyki had brought me there in front of the Earl. The Earl was theirs, their guide, their master, and I didn't have the right to set my eyes upon him, only they had. _

_That was what they were thinking, I could read it on Lulubell's face which was a mask of hatred, and Cheryl shocked expression as he turned his gaze from me to Tyki and vice-versa. I lowered my head embarrassed understanding I had stepped inside something very private and intimate, but Tyki seemed not to realize anything of it. He brought me forth and bowed in front of the Earl without letting go of my hand. I imitated him. _

"_Millennium Earl," Tyki said triumphantly, his eyes shimmering, "allow me to present you our guest." He said pointing at me with an elegant gesture. The earl smiled back at Tyki and me with a broad smile on his ordinary, insignificant face. It was a pleasant face, there were no evident faults on his features, and yet he gave me a disgusting creepy feeling. I would have wanted to run away from his so much I found repelling his common face. Still, the Earl bowed back at me politely and complimented me:_

"_Such a beautiful lady do you keep hidden here. Isn't a woman's natural beauty the most rare and precious of the treasures?" he asked gallantly. I replied with some common courtesy and he asked for my name._

"_Her name is Christine Leverrier," Tyki said for me, "She's an old friend of Road and now I hope I can think of her as a friend of the whole family." He said smiling to both me and the Earl as if asking for permission to think that way. Still, as soon as he pronounced my name, the Earl's face was covered by a dark shadow:_

"_Christine Leverrier?" he asked for a confirm and I assured him it was my name._

"_So, you're the daughter of Paul Leverrier?" he asked and once again I confirmed him he was right. _

"_Your father is doing strange things in France, he's messing with things no-one should mess with. I hope nothing bad will happen to him." He said and yet something told me that he dearly hoped the opposite and my repulsion towards him increased. _

"_My father is an intelligent man; I trust he'll succeed in everything he's trying to do as he's used to." I replied and my words sounded as a war declaration to my own ears. Why was I taking my loathed father's part against this creepy stranger? I still don't know, but I firmly believe I did so because of instinct. _

_I heard Road laugh and say: "Christine is always so passionate about everything she does and say! I love this characteristic of her." She said as to excuse my behaviour. It hurt me that she had thought necessary to justify me, but I remembered one more thing: when everyone was glaring at me, Road only seemed worried about what could happen to me while Tyki noticed nothing and the others were ready to kill me. _

_At this point Lulubell began to speak with the Earl with an excitement I'd never seen on her face and everyone but Tyki completely forgot about me. They all were too enthusiastic about the Earl to mind about me, but Tyki didn't let go of my hand the whole time till me and Road were gently ordered to go away while the adults were speaking. It was at this point that I understood that the Earl presence had caused me a terrible headache and I pleaded to be taken to my room where I could finally rest. I had awakened only an hour and an half before, but it seemed a whole life to me. _

_There was something strange with the whole situation, something which scared me to death, something related with the Earl's presence. The Millennium Count. I had never heard his name in France, but since I had come in England it seemed that people couldn't help but mention him every few seconds. How absurd. Everything about the situation was absurd and what about his comment about my father? Could it be that he knew about the Order and its suspects about him? I had to write to my father. I had to communicate him everything I could and to investigate more, I was conscious of my duty, and yet my heart grieved as I thought so._

_I wanted to live my romance with Tyki, not to investigate about plots and mysterious Earls! Who cared about what the Earl and the Kamelot family wanted to realize, I didn't want to think about them. More exactly, there was only one member of that family I wanted to think about and my thoughts about him lingered on his naked body on my bed more than about his connections with the puppeteer who manipulated his family. _

_Then I heard someone knocking at my door. I rose eagerly hoping it would be Tyki and when I opened the door I was deluded to see Road's excited face. I know, it's cruel from my part to say such a thing, but after having known his uncle it was difficult for me to bear her company or anyone else's. I wanted only Tyki. Still, I forced myself to smile when I saw her and she ran into my room and jumped on my bed with feverish eyes. On her face there was a grimace which promised me nothing good would happen. _

"_Tell me, dear Christine," she said sweetly, "what did you do to Tyki?" She asked and there was an accomplice smile on her face. I stiffened instinctively._

"_Me? I did nothing to your uncle." I said innocently, "I just happened to discover we can get along really well. It was a surprise because, you know, at the beginning we did nothing but argue…"_

"_Yes, yes," Road interrupted me rolling her eyes, "I can imagine how well do you get along… in bed." She added at last mischievously and I assumed a very offended expression. She made everything look far worse than it really was._

"_Oh, please, Christine, don't make such a dark expression! I'm not accusing you and, besides, I would be very happy if you ended up marrying him. It would be very funny to have you as a member of my family…"she added dreamily, but I had other things to think of, more serious things than her ramblings:_

"_May I know from where did you get the absurd idea that I'm your uncle's lover?" I asked severe, but my heart still skipped a beat when I pronounced the word lover. _

"_Absurd idea, eh?" Road replied smiling mischievously, "I have proofs." She said confident._

"_What kind of proofs?" I asked with slight worry._

"_Just ten minutes ago, Amatus said something unpleasant about you and Tyki punched him in response. Isn't that incredible? Tyki never cares about his lovers after he has had them, but he protects you to this extent… Really, what did you do to him? I'm curious." She said and seemed genuinely pleased and entertained by the situation, but I wasn't. I was worried._

"_And then what happened?" I asked cursing mentally Amatus' stupidity._

"_Nothing much unfortunately… The Earl stopped them and Tyki is still locked with him inside the dining room. I think he wanted to speak with him alone."_

"_Speak about what?" I asked worried._

"_About his absurd behaviour, obviously!" Road replied laughing hard, "Really, Christine, as a friend I suggest you to search for a more intelligent man. Tyki is handsome and tender and everything, but he seriously lacks of intelligence… He can't spend a day without getting caught in new troubles." She said smiling, but I wasn't listening to her anymore. All my mind could focus on was Tyki, Tyki getting caught in troubles because of me, Tyki being scold by a man he respected because of me!_

"_Road," I told her, "I have to go."_

"_Where?" she asked with the most delighted of the expressions. She seemed to find the whole matter terribly funny. _

"_I have to go there and make it clear that Tyki isn't in fault. Amatus is always stalking me and this kind of things, Tyki only wanted to protect me, he's not a violent person." I declared fiercely, but Road laughed hard:_

"_You have such a strange idea of what Tyki really is… I wonder if you know anything about him." she said staring at me with her calculative eyes. _

"_I know him better than you think," I lied, "and I tell you I have to go." I insisted. Road studied my expression for a moment and then said:_

"_All right, go if you want, but don't think they'll let you enter. The Earl won't allow you to interrupt him."_

"_You're probably right, but I still have to go." I said giving her a grateful smile and then leaving the room. _

_I don't know how much did I run, but the stairs had never seemed that long to me and my legs had never been that slow. I measured the time counting my quick heartbeats and it seemed to me that I needed an eternity to reach the first floor and the room where Tyki and the Earl had locked themselves. Embarrassed, I reached the door. I still didn't know what I would say, but I knew that I had done the right thing coming. I raised my hand to knock when… when I heard Tyki's voice shouting and I stopped in shock. _

"_I can't bear it, Earl," Tyki said, "he's tormenting her and I won't let him do as he pleases!"_

"_Tyki, Tyki, how troublesome you are… Really, what does she mean to you? She's only a pitiful human, really." The Earl replied in a sweet voice. And yet, under the sweetness I could hear the silent threat. _

"_Well, you know, I'm weak in front of women." My Tyki replied embarrassed and I smiled against my will imagining the expression he must be wearing in that moment. _

"_You're both two of the chosen ones, my child," the Earl declared, "you're both Noahs and you shouldn't allow yourselves any weakness. Love and compassions are human weakness which you don't need. Remember this well: you are NOT human."_

"_I know!" Tyki replied annoyed, "I know it, but it doesn't change things. I like her, Earl, why can't I spend time with her if this doesn't threaten your scenario? Why can't I protect her from a maniac?"_

"_Now, now, reflect on your words. It's not nice form your part to call your brother a maniac…" the Earl scolded him. His BROTHER? Since when Amatus is Tyki's brother? My mind went numb when I heard those words. This wasn't what I had been told. And what was that crap about them being not humans?_

"_But he is!" Tyki replied stubbornly, "I myself am not a nice person, but he's a monster Earl, he can't control himself."  
"I agree, and yet we need him while we don't need the human girl. Why do you care if he hurts her? Our role as Noahs is that of fulfilling God's real vision and destroy this world: you can't allow yourself to be distracted by an hopeless human? You know, sooner or later they all will die, who cares if it happens now or the next year? We are the only ones to last, Tyki, do I need to remember you this?"_

"_You don't, Earl," Tyki replied obediently, but there was bitterness in his voice I had never perceived before, "I understand everything, I know everything, but while I still have to pretend to be human I want her to be at my side. Is that so wrong?" He asked and his question looked like a plead._

"_It isn't," the Earl replied hesitant, "It isn't as long as you don't fall for her." _

"_I won't," Tyki replied confident, making me angry. How could he be so sure of it?_

"_Beware of that girl," the Earl continued, "she's the eldest daughter of Paul Leverrier. I'm not sure that the reason of her presence here really is her friendship with Road."_

"_And what do you think, Earl? That Christine is a spy?" Tyki laughed hard making me always more angry, "Really, Earl, if you knew her you'd never think such a thing."_

"_Beware of her, Tyki!" The Earl repeated with a calm, determinate voice. That was when I heard the sound of paces advancing in my direction and I had to leave quickly. While running, I thought it was ridiculous that the only way I had to get any information in that house was to overhear things, but nonetheless I kept on running towards my room. It would have been very embarrassing if anyone had caught me there. I reached the door breathless and once I locked myself inside the room I tried to calm down. _

_It has been quite an interesting afternoon. From the conversation I overheard I could understand many things:_

_My father is right suspecting the Earl and the Kamelot family of being involved in something strange, they certainly are;_

_Whatever their aim is, the Earl believes that what they're doing is related to God;_

_they believe to be special chosen ones, more than normal humans;_

_The Earl thought of my father and me as dangerous elements;_

_Tyki really loves me even if he still doesn't realize that. _

_I can't help but admit that the last point makes me more than happy, but the others seriously worry me. There is no time to loose: I have to gather more information and send them to my family. The part about the world's destruction in particular worries me more than all the rest. Still, though my researches have finally gathered some result, I feel hurt and desperate. How is Tyki involved in all this? Does he seriously believe in the Millennium Earl? What is he trying to do? I have to know more! I'll try asking him something tonight, if he'll come to me. I bet he'll come, and you?_

_Anxiously yours,_

_Christine Leverrier_

_()()()()()()()()()()()()()_

_**Author's notes- **_**Goodbye**

**All right, quite a few interesting things happened in this chapter, isn't that so? First of all, Allen's situation changed completely. He was a prisoner of the Order, now he has been saved by two Nohas and he's living together with Road, or should I say "alone with her"? From now on everything can happen between these two. **

**Second point: In this chapter we have finally said goodbye to the Third exorcists. Too sad, really, I didn't want to write this! But it's not all over yet, we still have Tokusa and Kiredori to worry about: Kanda made them escape though they seem doomed to die because of the mutation, but they'll appear again sooner or later, there are still things they have to do. And I want to add something about the relationship of Kiredori with her big brother Madarao. I feel the need to explain more about these two. The few lines of this chapter are far from enough and you should know by now that I'm very prolix. I can't be satisfied with this few. So, Kiredori will appear again and Tokusa as well because I like his character. He's a man of feelings and action who wanted to be cool and cruel and take revenge, but he can't possibly perform such a task because he's just not the type. Of course he's angry and full of hate, but there is also so much love and goodness in him that he can't be the bastard he would like to be, the avenger he thinks he should perform. I'm in love with this kind of character, so, that is, he will appear again and in his sweetest side probably. **

**Third point: Kanda Yuu, what the Hell are you doing? He's terribly OOC here, I fear, but I realized it only once I had finished the chapter and I was too tired to re-write it. Plus, I like this rare, reflective mood of his which will allow me to make something very funny happen in the next chapters. **

**Then, at last, we have Christine finally discovering something important. It was time for her to do something! This part was born only because I wanted to show the Earl, but honestly, it turned out befitting the general plot of this side-story. Nobody in the reviews says anything about Christine. Why? Don't you like her? Do you find her boring? Well, I have to admit she's a bit boring, but when I think of who and what she really is and about how all this will be discovered at the end… I just die from he desire of writing about her. What really interest me about this character is her relationship with her family and with her father in particular. This last thing is something which is going to have a lot of space soon. Soon for me, anyway, you'll have to wait for some more chapters still. **

**Well, for this month, that is, readers! I'm so tired you can hardly imagine, so, please, would you make me happy and review? I write, you review: it's only fair. **

**Goodnight, **

**Eris92**


	39. Chapter 39 Heartbreaking truth

**Here we have chapter XXXIX! ****Sorry for the wait, people, but it'll be worth it, you'll see! I'm ashamed that I disappeared for more than a month, but I was too occupied living to work on the fic. Really, living is the most complicate thing one can ever try to do. **

**Are you ready for some intensive AllenxRoad? Are you ready to see Kanda super embarrassed? Have you been wanting to see all this for a long time? Then go on reading, this is the chapter you've been waiting for! Otherwise… Well, read it the same, please!**

**Soundtrack for this chapter:**

"**Angel" by Westlife**

"**Let me be your hero" by Enrique Inglesias**

"**Le ciel" by Malice Mizer**

"**Ich leb nur weil es dich gibt (Loving you keeps me alive)" from the musical "Dracula" with Drew Sarich ( love him *_*)**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own DGM, otherwise women would rule and Allen would have been Road's love-slave (How evil of me! XD )  
**

"Spend all your time waiting for that second chance,  
for a break that would make it okay.  
There's always one reason to feel not good enough

and everywhere you turn there's vultures and thieves at your back.  
The storm keeps on twisting  
you keep on building the lie that you make up for all that you lack…  
it doesn't make difference escaping one last time,  
but it's easier to believe in this sweet madness, oh,  
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees."  
"Angel" by Westlife

_CHAPTER XXXIX_ - **HEARTBREAKING TRUTH**

_Somewhere near the sea, evening_

Allen was having a strange dream: all around him there was pure white. He looked down at his feet, but he couldn't find any ground under them. And yet, he thought to contrast the panic, he was definitively standing on something, though he didn't know on _what_, otherwise physics wanted that he should have fallen down. But fallen where? There was nothing, no space there.

Normally Allen would have been freaked out by something like that, who wouldn't, but after all he knew that was only a dream and that calmed him a lot reducing the panic to uneasiness.

Then he turned and all of his anxiety disappeared like mist: Road was there, seated beside him on the inexistent ground. She smiled widely at him:

"Do you remember when I took you as a hostage?" she asked (Author: it was chapter XX). Allen nodded furiously. How could he ever forget? Besides, the space where they were now resembled the one where Road had taken him captive that time.

"If you had followed me then…" the girl began sadly, "If only you had came with me at that time this place wouldn't be so miserable empty: it would be full of everything you like, images, music, smells, and I would be with you. You would have avoided so much sufferance… and we would have been together and happy."

"Happy maybe, but surely guilty." Allen interrupted her.

"Guilty? Why are you so obsessed by this word? If we were to stay together and love each other, tell me, what evil there is in that?" Road asked angry. She really couldn't see his point.

"What evil there would be?" Allen repeated surprised, his gray eyes wide, "If we were to be together than we would necessary betray our ideas, our very selves! How can I love you when I hate everything you do, when I loathe your ideals? Would you really be fine with me loving you despite all this?" He asked gravely.

"Is this everything you have to say? Are these the only reasons?" she said calm, her voice cold as she stared determinate into his eyes. Allen was taken a little aback from her intensity, but nodded.

"Do you still consider yourself a member of the Black Order, Allen?" She asked harshly, "Even if you're an half-Noah now, even if they tried to kill you, even if your ancient companions did abandon you?"

"They didn't abandon me!" the teen replied angry, but inside him the doubt was still there. Did they really…?

"Answer me, Allen," Road repeated with the same severity of before, "do you still consider yourself as a member of the Black Order despite everything which happened?"

Allen didn't answer immediately to her, but he kept on staring at her deep black eyes, endless dwells which sucked out his will to fight. He wondered: did he still felt part of the Black Oder? Did he still think of the Headquarters as his home? The moment he realized the answer was the moment he violently woke up from the strange dream Road had forced on him.

Allen opened his eyes abruptly and anxiously looked around him. He was still in the same place where he had fallen asleep, he still was in the little house on the shore where Road had taken him and cured him. The teen tried to calm his accelerated breathing, but as soon as he tried to relax he felt that there was something, someone actually, resting comfortably on the right side of his body. He turned and saw Road, asleep against him.

He relaxed immediately and focused on her rhythmic breathing which brushed his neck. So comforting. Enemy or not, having someone near him gave him such comfort! He stared at her sleeping figure and smiled at the defenceless expression she had. She really didn't seem a Noah, a murderer of innocents, in that moment. She looked exactly as the young girl she was. Did he look as the boy he was, instead? Allen wondered. White hair, a monstrous, deformed arm and a red scar marking his face with the sign of the cursed; no, he decided, he really didn't look like a seventeen years old teen.

Two years had passed since he had joined the Order and since then life had been somehow easier for him: nobody at the Headquarters would have held prejudices against him because of his look and sometimes Allen had even come to the point of forgetting how unusual he was. But then, when he was among "normal people", the consciousness of his paradoxical existence returned to him heavier than before. Road surely wasn't normal, and yet seeing her sleeping innocently like that made him feel dirty, out of place, a joke of nature who should have never been born.

"Stop with that crap!" Road ordered him opening her eyes wide all of a sudden.

"You weren't sleeping?" He asked uneasy and embarrassed.

"I was, but your gloomy thoughts woke me up… I can perceive them not only when I'm in my Noah form, but also when I'm sleeping." She explained staring right back at him. Her face was so near his that Allen would have blushed if she hadn't looked so angry that it left him astonished and surprised. Once again the teen couldn't help, but study with admiration the delicate features of her face. He would have liked to brush her hair kindly with his human hand and feel if they were as silky as they looked, he wanted to caress her cheek and surprise her, but he did nothing of that.

"Then?" Road asked, anger still filling her voice, "You still haven't answered to the question I made before."

"What?" Allen asked surprised for he had gotten distracted, and he noticed that she still was on top of him.

"Do you still feel part of the Black Order?" She asked him for the third time, the light in her eyes shining because of an emotion Allen couldn't guess. But this time he knew the answer:

"No." He said abruptly, "I don't feel an exorcist anymore if that's what you mean, I think I stopped caring about the Order the day my Master disappeared, but this doesn't change anything."

"Why do you say so?"

"Because I still consider it my mission to hunt down akuma and their creators, I still think what you're doing is wrong and I'm still going to stop you by all means." He said determinate, but his conviction fell for an instant when he saw Road's sad smile. She passed her arms around Allen's chest and held tighter onto him:

"Do you remember when we first met? You hated my doings, but you couldn't hurt me when I was human, you thought it wrong even if the Order says that we Noah are your enemies. It was my demoniac side you wanted to destroy, not Road Kamelot, am I right? Then tell me, Allen, did you return to be that boy? Can you still think and act like then now that the Dark Religious bloody orders can't reach you anymore?"

"What kind of question is this? It's obvious I can't hurt you when you're human , no matter what the Order says! I won't kill a human being!"

"Is this all?" Road asked him pressing against his body. Allen blushed when he felt her hot hands grapping his shoulders with force, her face coming near, "Are these all the reasons why you can't hurt me? Don't you love me even a little bit? Don't I arouse you, Aren?" she caressed his face delicate as she ended her question and Allen stiffened. Something inside him was rebelling, telling him he couldn't confess the truth. He had the feeling that if he had admitted it then there would have been no turning back from that situation. Admitting the truth would have meant surrendering to her, exactly what he wanted to avoid at all costs.

Then Road kissed him fiercely and all of a sudden his perception of things changed completely. Her lips, her hands on him were like a drug. He didn't want her to stop. He thirsted for her touch and that thirst, that thirst was worse than anything he had experienced in his life, it could overcome all right and wrong he had believed in till then.

"_No passivity now"_he told himself and kissed her back with the same intensity, without hiding his hunger for her, finally…

Road was slightly surprised when she felt Allen's hands caressing her back and holding her tightly and possessively, she shuddered when his Innocence-arm made contact with her skin, but then she smiled widely while keeping on kissing him. Who cared about the Innocence now? That was Allen's arm, no more, no less than the other one and she wanted him to be entirely hers, Innocence included.

Then, all of a sudden, the teen stopped and forced her to look at him in the eyes:

"Road…" he murmured. She waited or him to finish the sentence, "I can't remain here with you, you know? This doesn't change anything, isn't that so? I… If I were to meet you in your Noah form…" he couldn't finish the sentence and Road concluded it for him:

"If we'll meet again as an Innocence-wielder and a Noah we'll fight each other to death, I know it perfectly Allen, but do I look like a Noah to you now?" she asked him and Allen sighed:

"It's wrong…" he said with a defeated look in his eyes, "I don't know why, but I feel it's wrong."

"Same here," she agreed without smiling, a dangerous severity in her eyes, "but honestly: who cares about what's wrong now? I don't. And you?" she asked one last time and she knew that was definitive. She stared at his silver eyes and she knew that if he was to reject her now it was all over forever, but if, on the contrary, he was to accept her, instead…

All of a sudden Allen turned so that Road was lying on the bed under him. He stared at her for a long moment in which she feared everything: she feared that he would let her there alone, that he would have gone away as well as she feared that he would have stayed.

Allen stared at her for another long moment as his human hand brushed her hair gently and then descended caressing her cheek, stopping on her delicate neck for a moment before continuing. Road held his breath for what seemed eternity, and then Allen kissed her on his own will for the first time. His hands explored her body with an anxiety which seemed unnatural in him, forging her body while caressing it, and Road understood for the first time what it meant to be a woman. Clothes disappeared before she could fully realize what was going on, but it didn't matter. There was Allen there, warming her with his skin, covering hers with moist kisses she had never dreamt of, and they were united by a pleasurable urge she couldn't explain. All the rest didn't matter; there was no place for it in her excited mind.

Allen hands descended lower on her skin and from then on Road didn't think about anything anymore and so did her lover.

_()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()_

_Headquarters of the Black Order, 10 a.m. _

Kanda was a very ordinate person: when he didn't have missions he _always_ woke up at six in the morning and he _always_ went down for breakfast at half past six before going to train till ten o'clock. His live was divided by this severe routine and though you may think it boring, he had never really wished to break the precise rules he had build for himself. He liked that order; it calmed him down when everything around him was covered by uncertainty.

So, according to his schedule, Kanda should have already finished training by that hour, but not that morning. That morning he was still sleeping. If something like that happened, normally he would believe to be gravely sick, but not that day. There was a far simpler explanation for his unusual behaviour: the night before had been a pretty troublesome one. First, the Third exorcist had to come panicking exactly in front of his door step; secondly, he had felt morally obliged to help them though he was sure he'd have been in big troubles if anyone was going to find it out; thirdly, the Crows themselves had come to search for the runaways in his room.

What were they ESP? There were more rooms than they could count in that corridor, and which one had they chosen to enter in? His, obviously. Fortunately, Tokusa and Kiredori had already escaped by then from the broken window, but Kanda had still accumulated some stress while sending away the private assassins of the Black Order and he had hardly caught any sleep for the rest of the night. He had spent the whole time trying to sense the sound of the approaching paces of the people who he was sure would have come to arrest him. Obviously, no-one had come and his rational mind already knew that he had nothing to fear, but to keep the heart quiet was another matter and rationality had no said in that.

These were the reasons why he was still sleeping at ten in the morning and he knew nothing of the rumours about him which had been spread in the Black Order by that time.

"_Such a dark person… we should have known there was something wrong with him!"_ Some people were saying at his back in the Cafeteria.

"_Even if he doesn't speak about it, it's well known that he's not perfectly human. My cousin told me he resurrected after having been beheaded some years ago! No surprise that he helped other monsters like him…"_ said another one answering to the first.

Quickly, rumours and suspicions which had been only thought at first transformed into murmuring and then into open accuses. In the middle of all this, the exorcists, even those who called themselves Kanda's friends, didn't know what to think or do.

"Do you really believe that Kanda…" Lavi began speaking in a low voice to Lenalee.

"Of course not!" the Chinese girl replied annoyed, "he would never help out the traitors of the Order." She told to the read-head. Lavi shook his head in deny with an intelligent expression on his face:

"I remind you Allen was considered a traitor as well. Maybe the Thirds are also innocent. "he said serious staring at his companion and searching for a pained expression over her face which immediately appeared even if only for a brief moment. She had been desperate after Allen's disappearance and it still hurt to remember the teen's cruel fate, but time can cure every wound and the same was for Lenalee. Every day which passed made it easier for her to think about the cursed boy without feeling too much pain.

"Maybe they're innocent, but that's different form Allen's case." She declared firmly after a moment, "He was human, while the Thirds were… who knows what a half-akuma may do?" she asked voicing the thoughts of many people at the Order. She didn't even realize she had spoken of Allen in the past as if she already considered him dead. She didn't notice it, but Lavi did and an uncomfortable burden came to make his chest heavier.

In that moment an angry voice echoed in the high ceiling of the room reclaiming everyone's attention:

"Stop it!" Cassandra shouted and all the voices went quiet immediately as the eyes concentrated on her figure standing tall on the table where she had been eating till a moment before. Someone laughed thinking her ridiculous, someone else was fascinated by the sudden gesture, others just stayed quiet waiting for her to continue. It was obvious that she had something else to say and infact…

"How is it that everything is ok for you while people fights and dies for your sake while you're so eager to condemn them as soon as some idiot has the courage to doubt them? Aren't you ashamed of yourself?" she raged glaring at everybody around her. Low murmurings filled the room for some second, then she continued speaking and the others silenced once again:

"The only thing which is sure till now is that Madarao and Tevak were killed, you all saw their corpses, and what about you? Instead of feeling sad and indignant for their end, instead of investigating over the incident, you're here blaming them and for what? Because they've died? You have no proofs that they betrayed the Order, we don't even know if it was really the Crows haunting them down, but you're already sure they deserved it! Shame on you, people!" she raged from her station. All the eyes were fixed on her and many were even laughing, pointing at her as if she was mad, but she didn't care. Someone instead bowed their head as if recognising some truth in her words and on those she focused her attention, glaring at them threatening. Somehow she really looked dangerous.

Lavi let out a soft whistle: "I knew she was hot-headed, but this overcome every expectation of mine…" he confessed to a Lenalee who simply had nothing to say. There was a bit of admiration and some fear as well in the red-head eyes. Cassandra worried him, she always had since Angel's disappearance, and he wondered if she was really going to be of any use as a part of the Heart.

"Next time I hear someone speaking any ill about those people or Kanda, be sure that this gossip-freaks will have to deal with me." Cassandra ended rather dramatically before descending from the table and walking away in a hurry. As she disappeared the room was newly filed with voices shouting all sorts of things.

"What impression did you get from her?" Lavi asked Lenalee while his eyes followed the woman's shilouette disappearing out of the room.

"She was… very sure of what she was saying, but I think she hardly convinced anyone… There was too much passion in her speech; she seemed more a caricature than a leader speaking." The Chinese girl said out loud reflecting. (Author: even though I can't bear her, Lenalee is supposed to be intelligent, so here she goes!)

"Same thought here." Lavi answered absent-mindedly.

"Where do you think she's going now?" the female exorcist asked.

"Dunno…" Was everything Lavi managed to say, but his mind was already far away.

"_What a pity…" _he thought, "_All the interesting people look like they're mad."_

_()()()()()()()()()()()()()_

Cassandra was furious, simply and terribly furious. What was stupid Kanda thinking? Letting people gossip about him in such a way… it was dangerous! Didn't he know he'd be in troubles if he didn't stop the rumours immediately? What if the voices reached the Crows or, worse, the very Leverrier? What had happened to Allen proved that no-one was safe now, no matter if innocent or guilty: they couldn't allow themselves to be suspected.

And yet Kanda was doing nothing to put an end to those ridiculous rumours. Kanda exposed himself to save someone else when nobody had ordered him? Absurd, the Kanda she knew would have never done such a thing; he was way too apathetic to do so. Even his famous rage was nothing but a mask to protect himself, nothing more, an habit he couldn't get rid of. And yet, if that was true it wouldn't have surprised her as much as seeing him doing nothing about those gossiping idiots. What had happened to the old Kanda, to the hot-headed Kanda, the easily annoyed Kanda, the one who was always angry and threatening? Why was he saying nothing allowing the suspicions to grow unreasonably?

Cassandra kept on walking furiously down the corridors till she reached the exorcist's room. She opened the door and barked in without thinking. She wasn't surprised to find the door unlocked, he never locked it usually (who would have had the courage to enter anyway?), and she didn't even think about knocking.

"What the Hell are you doing, stupid Kanda?" She shouted instead as a good-morning as soon as she entered; she was only slightly surprised by the utter darkness covering the room. A low curse was the only sound which came from Kanda, his head hidden somewhere under the blankets.

"That's not the moment for sleeping!" She raged taking away the dusted curtains from the broken window, letting the light inside. Sunlight illuminated everything and fell exactly on Kanda's silhouette hidden under the white blankets of the bed. The only sign proving he was alive was the slow mantra of curses escaping from his mouth.

"WAKE UP!" Cassandra shouted with more decision taking away all of Kanda's blankets/shelters.

"Fuck you!" was the response of the swordsman, now far beyond pissed, "What are you doing in my room? How is that I can't even fucking sleep!" he protested with murderous rage. Despite his foul mouth, Cassandra had to smile while looking at his face. Most people look awful in the morning, but Kanda… Kanda looked like a gothic hero! The sleep made his face harder and more threatening and there was something glorious in his sparkling eyes, in his awesome rage. His eyes were extraordinarily clear and luminous. He was almost breathtaking.

How many men look like this when they've just woken up? Cassandra thought with a sort of unreasonable pride. She wanted to kiss him just because he was gloriously handsome and she wanted that beauty and the passion of his rage all for herself. She wanted to see what face he'd have made if she was to really kiss him.

Still, her romantic/erotic thoughts were quickly cut off by their "muse's" coldness:

"Get out of here," Kanda ordered coldly, " I don't remember allowing you to enter."

At first Cassandra was a little taken aback from his icy words, then she remembered they hadn't talked since the day she had said those nasty things to him in the Cafeteria. She cursed herself mentally: she was so angry that she had forgotten it! Still, what was happening now was more important than any quarrel of theirs, so she tried to assume a serious, professional voice:

"Kanda, you can't stay here sleeping while…"

"That's nothing of your business!" He interrupter her furious, "Now run away before I cut you into pieces with Mugen." He threatened.

"Yeah, yeah, fine, do as you please," she challenged him with nonchalance, "just allow me to say what's happening down there as we're speaking before killing me because, maybe you didn't know it, but in the Cafeteria there is a lot of people gossiping about you helping the Third exorcists escape." She said and as soon as she concluded the sentence she could _feel_ Kanda's body stiffening with tension and sudden realization. All of a sudden he had forgotten every menace he had threatened her with.

"Do you get it?" Cassandra provoked him, glaring at him, "if those rumours reach the Crows…"

"Then I'm finished." Kanda concluded the sentence for her with a bitter grim on his face. Something in his expression scared the woman:

"What are you waiting for?" she exclaimed angrily, "Why are you standing here? You have to go there and prove you haven't done it!"

"How can I?" Kanda asked calmly staring at her. There was no fear in his eyes, he wasn't pleading for a suggestion from her part, his expression was just so bitter and calm, as if it wasn't him the one in danger, as if they were discussing over a hypothetical situation and not the frightening reality.

"What's the meaning of _how can I?_ ? You must have an alibi whatsoever, so go there and tell them!"

"How can someone who's guilty have an alibi?" He asked with the same awful calm of before, staring at her in the eyes. And Cassandra understood, all of a sudden, that what she had thought impossible had actually happened.

"You did… you really did help them?" She asked baffled.

"Wasn't this what you wanted me to do?" Kanda asked calm, almost apathetic, his shining black eyes still fixed on hers.

"Why…?" Cassandra asked hesitant, still surprised

"Wasn't this what you wanted me to do?" he asked again. Again, that strange indifference over his face.

"But why?" Cassandra repeated more lively and that's when Kanda snapped:

"WASN'T THIS WHAT YOU WANTED ME TO DO?" He repeated furious for the third time. Cassandra took a step back:

"You did it because of me?" she asked puzzled and somehow scared, "Because of what I told you the other day?" she asked. Kanda said nothing, but he didn't deny as well. He regretted to have confessed it to her, and yet he knew there was no other way to settle the situation. Still, she seemed afraid of him and he couldn't understand why. It annoyed him to no end.

"Why are you frightened? Didn't you wish for someone to trust them and help them? Well, I did it, and now you're running away from me?" he asked and as soon as the words escaped from his mouth he realized for the first time the truth in them and it hurt. It hurt him so much to see her take another step back, far form him and near the door, as if she was waiting for the right chance to escape. The bitter smile resurfaced on Kanda's face:

"It was to be expected after all," the swordsman declared in a low voice, "it was a failure right from the start… me trying to understand you, I mean." He confessed.

"You idiot…" was all Cassandra was able to say and there was a strange emotion reflected in her eyes. What was that? Was she hurt? Angry? Did she pity him? What was she trying to tell him? As always, he couldn't understand.

Then, before any on them could add anything, someone knocked on the door and before they could move someone slashed it open and four Crows entered with an arrogant pace and stopped between the swordsman and Cassandra, dividing them. A crowd of people of the Order was staying by the door to see and listen what was going to happen.

"Yuu Kanda," one of the Crow began, "people says that you helped the traitors escape last night. If that was true it would make a traitor out of you as well. Do you have anything to say that may prove your innocence?"

A grim appeared on Kanda's face. He was laughing inside at the pompous manners of those assassins who believed to be saints. He was laughing because they had no proofs against him but prejudice and yet they were right, he was guilty, and at the end he was laughing at himself because he was condemned and yet he didn't care, somehow, someway, his coward self wasn't afraid anymore. The words of the Crows kept on echoing in his mind:

"_Do you have anything to say that may prove your innocence?"_

"I don't." Kanda stated calmly.

"Then you have to follow us," the Crow ordered, "you're under arrest for conspiracy against the Order and the Holy Father."

Kanda stretched out his arms and handcuffs were put on him. Was it really over? He wondered. He was already on his feet, ready to follow his captivators, when a voice he hadn't expected to hear echoed in the room:

"My, my, aren't we a little too precipitous?" Cassandra asked smiling at the Crows in a mysterious and yet seducing way, "You asked if he had any proof, but you didn't ask _me_."

Kanda stared at her with a puzzled look. What was she plotting now?

"Explain yourself." The Crows ordered to Cassandra, but the woman didn't seem to hear them. Instead she embraced Kanda intimately making him blush:

"Stupid Kanda-chan," she said sweetly, "there is no point in going so far to protect my reputation!" she declared chuckling and then she let him go and turned towards the Crow:

"You know, this man here is a gentleman as there are few in this age.. .He would let himself be arrested instead of ruining my reputation and admit he was with me last night… but I can't let him do this, can I?" she asked searching for comprehension in the assassins' eyes. The crowd of gossiping people by the door went wild for excitement at the new development. _"Kanda and Cassandra were in such a relationship?" _They were asking each other and as always there was someone who'd declare that he had always known it, while someone else would show his false surprise.

"Is that true? You were… with this woman last night?" the Crow asked Kanda with a hint of embarrassment in his voice. Kanda hesitated for a moment, then he met Cassandra's furious gaze and gave up:

"Yes, I was." He declared with an exaggerated sigh of annoyance. What had she obliged him to do this time? It was _his _reputation which was being ruined anyway, not hers! He said to himself furiously, but thought better than say it out loud.

"Well," the Crow hesitated as well, "if you have an alibi… I guess there is no way you can be guilty. Sorry for everything." The assassin said and took away the handcuffs.

In a few moments the guards left, followed by various people who had come to witness to Kanda's arrest, but someone stopped by a little more to compliment an astonished Kanda. One even came as far as to go beside him and whisper: "Good job" to him while pointing at him and Cassandra with a knowingly smile. It took all of Kanda's self-restraint to let that brave guy alive.

At the end Kanda remained alone in the room with Cassandra without knowing what to say.

He stared at her, so nervous that he had to make an effort to even breathe. What the Hell had happened just a moment before? She had tried to run away from him, the Crows has come and he had almost got arrested, but someone had saved him forging some stupid, unbelievable alibi to protect him. Cassandra had saved him, Cassandra of all people! He would have never expected that, especially after her behaviour of before, but now she looked completely comfortable. Indeed she was seating on his bed and was yawning as if it had been her to spend a very troublesome night and not him.

"Since we are here, we may as well fulfil everyone's expectations…" She proposed giving him a seducing smile.

"Stop joking, please." Kanda answered with all the calm he had left. Normally he'd have kicked her out of the room, but she had just saved his life probably, so he thought opportune to show that little courtesy he possessed. Cassandra laughed hard in response:

"I was sure you'd say something like that! Otherwise I'd have never asked…" she declared and she smiled again, but this time it was her usual mocking smile he was used to so he just sighed in annoyance. She sure was troublesome and all the more because he couldn't understand her at all.

"So?" he asked irritably.

"So what?"

"Why did you protect me? Why did you invent such a ridiculous alibi?"

"Ridiculous? I don't think so, really, it was the most likely excuse I could have said. Besides, you shouldn't think of it as ridiculous either since it saved you ass…"

"Who asked you to?" Kanda growled annoyed in response.

"I thought it was my duty since you went in troubles to please me." She said and this time there was no smile on her lips and in her eyes he could see the fear resurfacing. Fear of what? He couldn't help but wonder and yet there was no way he could understand what was going on in her mind.

"I didn't try to please you." Kanda stated stubbornly.

"Then why did you do that? Didn't you say you couldn't trust the Third? Didn't you believe they were dangerous? Why did you save them?" She asked and the firm light in her gaze made him understand he couldn't get away with an _"it's none of your business response". _ Kanda sighed:

"I did it because I took pity on them. They were going to kill them as if they were beasts." He uttered the half-truth. He _had done it for her_, but now, thinking about it with calm, he couldn't help thinking he had really pitied them. They had reminded him of the way he and Heiko were once.

"Didn't you say that they weren't humans?" Cassandra smiled.

"I was wrong, right? Are you satisfied?" Kanda asked annoyed. What did she want? Did she wish him to bow in front of her and declare that she had always been right while he had been a hopeless stupid? Like Hell, he would do such a thing!

"Yes, I'm satisfied." Cassandra declared, surprising him, "And I'm happy you didn't do it for me." She whispered and kissed Kanda's cheek before leaving. The swordsman didn't protest, nor did he say anything at all. He was almost shocked. Was that Cassandra? The one who seemed to wish to have everyone at her feet?

He didn't know what to think, but of one thing, at least, he was certain: their argument of some day before and her cruel words of that time… they didn't mean anything anymore.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

Morning, somewhere near the sea, on a deserted island…

Road woke up late that morning. The first thoughts she had were filled with a strange satisfied happiness though she couldn't understand why. Then she felt Allen's body pressed against hers and she remembered. She smiled though the confusion, unwilling to open her eyes. She felt so well, so extraordinarily well, that she absolutely didn't want to open her eyes for fear of breaking the magic.

At the end curiosity won her over and she opened her eyes to observe her lover's figure. As she had imagined, Allen was still sleeping. She stared at his pale face, noticing for the umpteenth time the elegance of his features which seemed to conjure to give him that angelic expression, so pure, so innocent, something which seemed out of place in that miserable world unless he was meant to be some sort of saviour.

"_But this world already has a saviour-to-be,"_ Road thought, _"the Millennium Earl is waiting… waiting for his chance to return this world to his primordial state of peace." _

She wondered in which way her relationship with Allen could interfere with her mission as a Noah. There was no way it could, that was the answer she gave herself: she was a Noah, she followed the Earl and she was in love with a human named Allen Walker, where was the problem? Tiky's human friends had never been a problem, so why should it have represented a danger? The fact that her lover was a human _and _an Innocence wielder seemed of no-importance to her in that moment. She would have dealt with the problem at the right time, she said to herself.

She tried to distract herself, she didn't want to ruin the perfection of that moment, but she ended up thinking about what Allen's mind had involuntary told her the night before. He thought to be somehow dirty because of his unusual appearance. Road shook her head in annoyance. She knew that even during that night Allen had took care to avoid touching her with his Innocence-arm. What had he thought, that she would reject him if he hadn't refrained to? Sometimes he could be so stupid…

She looked at the mirror in front of them and the image reflected in it didn't please her. Once she had transformed into her Noah form, her real form, the contrast between had and Allen was evident. As much as Allen appeared gentle and angel-like, her demon nature was clearly evident in her golden eyes. There was something evil in that cruel, savage golden colour, those were the eyes of an heartless beast, not those of a loving girl. She looked at the stigmata on her forehead.

They looked painful, a symbol of sufferance, a memento of cruelty, a curse from another world.

Road took her eyes away from the mirror and looked down at Allen as if searching for an oasis where her own darkness couldn't reach her. It wasn't like she didn't know that she hadn't a reassuring aspect, she had always known and had never cared about it. What bad there was in that if she was meant to be a Noah, a messenger of destruction for a corrupted world? In the past she had even loved those characteristic, she had thought them cool.

While she was with her family she had never had a reason to complain about her stigmata or her golden eyes for they were like her, no-one of her family would have ever thought that those characteristic looked like something evil. But when she was with Allen, she herself couldn't help but think so, even if Allen had never said a word about it. It was obvious: Allen always cared about feelings and souls, he would never say something like that, but for her it was different. She _was _dangerous, sadistic, selfish, greedy and all the rest, she didn't only appear like that. She knew Allen wouldn't agree, but that meant nothing.

Allen had thought to taint her with his touch? It should have been her to worry about that! She should have feared to look him wither and die while she was holding him between her arms for she was a Noah, she was a despicable person and all the more because deep inside she loved her cruel nature. She should have stayed away from him and preserve him from her darkness, but she hadn't. What if she had really corrupted him? What if he wouldn't have been able to be the same Allen anymore after being with her? She should have stayed away from him, but… She wanted him to be hers too much, so much it was hard to breathe without him around.

She knew that was not an excuse: her mind was telling her that if she had really loved him, she would have found the strength to stay away from him, but at this point she didn't care. She didn't care if hers was love or not, she didn't care if being with her would corrupt him: she wanted him only for herself and she would as long as he wanted it as well. But then, again, wasn't she being selfish? Wasn't she proving for the umpteenth time that she wasn't worth of Allen?

Road shook her head in disbelief: it wasn't like her to think like that. As long as Allen would have wanted her by his side she would have been there. She let her fingers run across Allen's back softly, but he didn't awake. She dreamed for him to open his eyes all of a sudden and smile as soon as their eyes would meet, but he kept on sleeping soundly. Road smiled none the less. He still hadn't completely recovered form the injuries he had suffered while he was held captive, he needed to sleep.

Se had just decided not to wake him up when she heard a presence approaching. An akuma. Surprised and annoyed, Road dressed quickly and came out of the little house to meet the newcomer. It was an akuma indeed and she was all but pleased to see him there. What if it saw Allen? Or, worse, what if Allen saw it? She was determinate not to let that happen. She transformed in an instant and greeted the creature:

"What the Hell are you doing here?" She said releasing her annoyance on the akuma.

"I'm here under the Earl's orders: he wondered where you were and wants you to come home immediately." It answered acting a little too highly and mighty for an akuma which stands in front of a Noah. This angered Road even more:

"And you came all this way to disturb me for that pathetic reason?" She raged at the creature and she was going to go on, if the akuma hadn't cut her off:

"Pay respect, spoilt Noah," the supposed loyal-machine scolded her, "you were only a helpless child when the Earl himself directed me to my first execution!"

Road's anger rose at these words, but along with the rage there was curiosity as well:

"Really?" She asked sarcastic, "And who did you kill of so important that the Earl himself decided to assist?" she demanded, but as soon as she heard the answer she froze and she regretted everything. She regretted her arrogance, her sarcasm; she regretted even being on that very island because if she hadn't come there she would have never known.

"_Who did I kill under the Earl's direction? It was your father."_ The akuma said proudly.

Road's world began to crumble under her feet.

_()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()_

_Some hours later…_

When Allen awoke the sunlight was penetrating violently from the two only windows of the single-room house. He turned comfortably in the little bed and he slowly began to remember what had happened the night before. A strange anxious expression showed on his face as the memories came back to him. He really couldn't decide if it had been a dream or not. It wasn't like he hadn't dreamt of… being intimate with Road before and thought he was almost sure this time was real, he couldn't really believe it.

In all honesty, he didn't want to believe it because if that was the case he knew he'd have felt guilty. Surely, he would have felt guilty towards Road for many reasons:

He would have been the worst to seduce her when he knew he couldn't remain with her (Author: I thought it had been Road to seduce Allen, but it seems that the poor boy has a different point of view…);

He knew it would have been very unpleasant for her to have to deal with his Innocence-arm;

It would have been awful of him to surrender to his feelings since he knew perfectly well that if they were to meet on the battlefield he would kill her without hesitation.

Yes, for all those reasons and many others that his sleepy mind couldn't grasp at the moment, Allen promised himself that he'd have never, never give in to Road. And yet, as he swore, he knew that he had already broken that promise and that he was going to break it again. Slowly, Allen opened his eyes and looked at his naked body under the blankets. He could still feel Road's perfume filling the air though she was nowhere to be seen.

The boy face-slapped himself and sighed. Yes, he had done it and, despite everything, he couldn't regret it at all. What they had done was wrong by all kind of ethic, but he couldn't even think of it as wrong now. He had been happy. He smiled when he remembered how Road hadn't tried to avoid his left arm and, instead, had grabbed it with her right hand and let it rest on her back. She had surprised him, as she always did. Even his fellow exorcists tried to avoid contact with his left arm, they thought it creepy, and she, a Noah, wasn't afraid or disgusted by it. Allen sighed and fell back on the bed, still smiling stupidly and somehow relieved.

He hadn't thought about it the night before, but he had actually run a great risk by being with Road: there had been the chance that the Innocence would have interpreted it as treason. Allen had risked becoming a _"Fallen". _Thinking of it now still gave him cold sweat, but it had been a real possibility. Fortunately it hadn't happened, but now he couldn't help but think about why it hadn't happened. He wondered.

"_Maybe the Innocence spared you because you'd already clarified that you two would have still remained enemies on the battlefield…" _The Fourteenth whispered in a corner of the teen's mind, surprising him.

"Oh, you're here…" Was all Allen could say.

"_Yes, I tried to leave for a trip, but they didn't let me out…" _ The Noah replied sarcastic.

"I hope you haven't seen… last night…" Allen mumbled embarrassed.

"_Of course not! Really, your sexual life doesn't interest me… though it could have been fun to take your place for a while… She's quite cute…"_

"Ehi! Don't dare to even say…" Allen started to threaten.

"_Joking! I was joking, I swear!" _The Fourteenth cut him off laughing, _"Are we touchy on this subject, aren't we?"_ he teased.

"Shut up!" Allen replied grumpy as he started to dress himself.

"_Anyway, I think you should give a look at the table. I think she left something for you…"_ the demon suggested making himself forgiven. Still in a bad moon, Allen reached the table and grabbed the little scrap of paper. Road's message contained what follows:

"_**I'm sorry I wasn't there when you woke up, but I had to leave for a little bit, family business, you know. I can't allow them to find you, especially now that Cheryl would be as eager to kill you as the Earl is (father's jealousy is really something embarrassing…). Still, don't worry; I'll be back as soon as I can. It will take me a day at maximum to return, so please wait for me! If I won't find you **__**there at my return I'll personally search for you and kill you myself, ok? **_

_**Road**_

_**p.s.: I love you even if you're a goddamned exorcist! ^-^ "**_

The smile returned to Allen's face as he read the message and he even had to refrain form laughing when he looked at the post scriptum. He let the message on the table and went out of the house to seat on the shore. He stared at the horizon, unable to stop smiling.

"_What's with that ridiculous smiley-face? You look like an idiot." _ The Fourteenth advised him. Allen's smile suddenly disappeared:

"Really," the teen said bitterly, "sometimes you remind me of my master… You two have something in common."

"_Of course! After all I and Marian grew together. He's an old friend, I trust him more than myself, which means more that I don't trust myself than that I have all this confidence in him…" _The Noah answered doubtful. Allen became even more serious. And here there was, another enigma he couldn't solve: what connection there was between his Master, the Fourteenth… and Mana. Mana, Mana, always Mana: why was he mixed with those strange people? Wasn't he a normal clown, a street artist?

"_I'm not going to say anything to you now." _ The Fourteenth advised him, _"You'll know when you'll reach Marian. He'll tell you everything you need to know, that's sure. He has always been the talkative type…"_

Allen arched his eyebrows doubtfully. Since when was Master Cross a talkative person? With women, maybe, but he could easily guess that even in that case he preferred action to words. Allen sighed at the thought of his master bad habits, but he was one to talk now, wasn't he?

"May I ask you a question?" the teen asked to his inner demon.

"_Maybe…"_

"What's your aim?" He said straightforward.

"_Kill the Earl"_ the Noah declared without hesitation and Allen could almost see him shrug as to say that it was obvious.

"Why?" The teen asked with a very serious expression and the Fourteenth's answer was as serious as he had been, for once:

"_Everyone has something he wants to protect Allen, even a filthy demon like me, and in order to accomplish such a stupi__d dream I have to kill the Earl. Is that enough for you?"_

"It is. It's enough for me." Allen assured and they remained in silence, staring at the horizon and waiting.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

**From Christine Leverrier's diary…**

_26__th__ May, 1743_

_As I had promised, my dear diary, last night I asked Tyki about the Earl and everything I heard in the morning. Still, I couldn't say: "Sorry, but I overhear something about the world's destruction today and I'd like to know more about it", so I had to be more astute and I actually used my brain (sounds like a miracle, doesn't it? I hate using my brain…). _

_This night, while Tyki was still in my chamber I thought about a way to make him confess something more. I was laying on his warm chest and I suddenly wondered how could he possibly be not human, so I spoke all of a suddenly:_

"_Strange, isn't it?"_

"_What's strange?" he asked back brushing my hair with his right hand. He does so often, I guess it's a sort of habit, and it seems to relax him. Surely it relaxes me. _

"_Sometimes I __think that maybe you're not really human." I declared and observed his expression carefully while I said so. His features stiffened slightly, but I didn't notice any other changing in him at my question._

"_And why do you think so?" he asked pretending to be uninterested._

"_I don't really know… It's only a feeling… Or maybe it's because you're so perfect it seems unreal." I said and Tyki smiled at my flattery. He's so much in love with himself, almost as much as I am! The problem is that it wasn't just flattery; I do really think it sometimes._

"_You know," I continued, "sometimes it seems that you don't have any faults," and here his smile became wider, "unless you're one of those who think of love as a weakness. In such a case I would be your weakness, right?" I concluded and he looked very uneasy. He looked at me worried:_

"_Christine, you know that I don't really love you in that way…"_

"_I know, I know," I said though his words did hurt me a little, "but at least you don't hate me, right? While I know for sure you hate Madame and her friends." I pointed out and Tyki mumbled something about "nosey beings"._

"_Tyki," I pleaded melodramatically at last, "promise me one thing!"_

"_What?" he asked cautious._

"_Promise me that as long as you like me you won't leave me!" I said and I fear that the desperation in my voice wasn't because of the acting. His eyes grew wide:_

"_Why are you asking me this?" he demanded._

"_Because… When we just started knowing each other you disappeared for a long time and I fear you'll disappear again all of a sudden from my life. Don't do it. As long as you have any interest in me, please, tell me what happens! I don't want to wake up one morning and discover that you've left without telling why and where you've gone…" I said and I hope it was a believable excuse. I wanted him to took pity on me and confess. _

_Until the day before I'd have never risked such a strategy for fear he would think I was madly in love with him; I knew far too well that the moment he would think so it would be the end of our relationship. As I said, until the day before I'd have never risked such a strategy, but now it was different. After having heard Tyki speak with the Earl I was sure _he_ loved me madly, even if he couldn't realize it himself, and I knew he wouldn't leave me even if he thought me to be head over heels for him. _

"_Tyki, please, promise me!" I pleaded again and he finally gave up, more or less._

"_Christine," he said, "there is something I want to speak to you about." My eyes widened in surprise and excitement, my whole body stiffened. I could almost feel my ears growing bigger for the effort to hear whatever he was going to say. He took a great breath in and started:_

"_As you have surely understood, the Earl is a very important person to my family. You may say he's our leader and we respect and honour him more than anyone else. He's more or less as a god on the Earth for us." He paused and I nodded pretending to understand something which I really couldn't explain to myself. All this loyalty towards someone seemed something absurd to me. Still, Tyki didn't doubt my understanding and kept on speaking:_

"_The Earl is no common person; he has great dreams for the world: he wants to put an end to every injustice and to save this corrupted land. He acts following God's will." He declared triumphal and stopped, staring at me in the eyes, waiting for a reaction whatsoever from my part, but at first I said nothing. To me all this looked like pure madness. God's will? I've always heard people speaking about what God may want or not in Church, every Sunday, but I've always found them so silly. Did any of them see God? Did any of them talk with him? They didn't and yet they declared they could understand a superior being basing their opinions on books. Books, do you hear me? As if written papers may show truth to people… _

_Books are nothing but ink and paper: they may say all kind of wonderful things, but they don't think, they don't act, so they can't have an answer. Books may explain a problem, but they can't solve it; they may say that God exists, but they can't prove it, they can't show us the right path: only our heart and conscience can. _

_That's how I think, so you can imagine my delusion when I heard those words came from Tyki's mouth. God's will. _

"_And how is the Earl going to solve all the problems of the Earth, Tyki?" I asked, trying to seem polite and not polemic, "And what's the role of your family in all this?"_

"_I can't tell you this, Christine, it is a secret!" He said trying to act mysterious, but he only looked childish to me. "Still, since you're here, I can tell you something you may have already guessed." He added thoughtful._

"_What are you speaking about?" I _

"_I'm speaking about a family that's not really a family by common means. You may have already guessed it, but me, Cheryl, Road, Lulubell and Amatus aren't really related by blood."_

"_What?"_

"_Yes, you've heard well: we are not related by blood. We are just special people that the Earl discovered and grew up together. He gave us a place in the world and a family and everything we have now, but that's a secret and it has to remain a secret, right?" He asked, expecting from me a promise I immediately agreed to. _

"_But Tyki, what do you mean when you say you're special?" I asked and he smiled with bitter satisfaction:_

"_What would you say if I were to tell you that we're not perfectly human? If we were something more than humans?" He asked with anxiety. I didn't answer and I don't think he was really expecting an answer from me. He kissed me with a sweetness I had never known in him. It was so tender the way he caressed me I was going to cry. There was something heartbreaking in that tenderness, as if he was telling me goodbye. Then he said:_

"_You must not tell a soul, not even Road must know that I've told you this. You know, the others wouldn't be happy if they discovered you know all secrets."_

"_I promise I won't tell a soul" I repeated, tears in my eyes, and strangely I didn't feel guilty for lying, because I was lying indeed and I knew it: I am going to tell it to my father as soon as I can. I am going to betray Tyki whenever I have the chance. I should have felt horrible, I should feel horrible, but I don't. And you know why? It's because I'm scared, scared as Hell of the Earl, of the influence he has over Tyki and the others. _

_I understand it now, the strange feeling I have always gotten from this place, from this mysterious family. I wanted to see in Cheryl the loving father I never had, in Road the perfect friend, in Amatus the perfect lover, but I was wrong, I've always been so wrong and so immature to ignore the many silent warnings I have received in the last months. Under the shining appearance, this family holds many secrets and some of them are probably wilder of anything my imagination may dream. I'm not as stupid as to believe that Tyki told me everything that matters, more probably he told me everything but what really matters. I know he fears to scare me. _

_My heart tells me to give up on the whole matter, to trust Tyki, and dear Cheryl and lovely Road and I really want to! I really want to trust in them and protect them from my father, I want to close my eyes and give myself up to this love story which was supposed to be a joke and is instead becoming something so serious that sometimes I can hardly bear not to run away. _

_Still, I can't, I just can't trust them and let them do what I fear would be… Oh, words fail me and I don't know anymore what to write or think. In all honesty I didn't know what to think from the very start of this wonderful mess. I call it wonderful because if that hadn't happen I'd have never been friends with Road, I'd have never had Cheryl acting like a caring father towards me and, finally, I'd have never met and loved Tyki._

_I've been here two months, but please, my good diary, believe me when I tell you these people means more to me that my family, more than anyone I've ever met! I love and hate my father who never appreciated my efforts to make him love me, I despise my mother who has never been nothing but my father's slave, and my sister… my little, annoying sister! I don't hate her, you may even say that she's the only one I love in that Hell which is my family and yet our bond is weaker than the one I have with any of these people here. _

_I love them, this Kamelot family's members, I love them more than anyone in the world, I respect them as I've __never respected anyone, but I fear them. I fear what they are, I fear what they may do. I feel like I ought to protect them from themselves, but isn't it a stupid thought? How can this stupid, little, merely human me protect this inhuman powerful beings? And from what should I protect them? From the Earl they adore?_

_I've always known there was something wrong with them, but I never real cared, it was only a joke for me then, and even now I don't really care what they are for I'd love them the same, but I fear their power over people, I fear what that Earl may make them do. I must tell everything to my father. I must… what? Will I really betray them and give up their secrets to my father's stupidity and fears? Oh, here there is, finally I can confess myself the truth: yes, I'd do it if it would allow me to conquer his love, if it could ever get him to look at me in the eyes, for once! He's cruel, he's strong, he's using me, but I want him to love me! I swear, I want it!_

_All of this is so unfair, so heartbreaking true… I feel like a puppet in the hands of these powerful beings which can control me not by their strength, but for the grip they do have on my heart. _

_Tragically yours,_

_Christine Leverrier_

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

**Author'****s notes- Tainted Innocence.**

**Here we are readers, finally, after a very long time. I shouldn't say it, but the thought it's haunting me so I'll tell it anyway: I'm sorry that nobody tried to contact me when I disappeared for more than a month. After all, you know, I'm pretty regular with the updates and when I found out I wouldn't be able to update for a month I felt guilty thinking: **_**"Oh, no, I'm disappointing my adorable readers! They'll search for me and won't find me! I'm really despicable…"**_** LIKE HELL THAT IT WENT THIS WAY! NOBODY SAID A WORD. All right, that's a stupid thing, but I still feel hurt. Now, let's speak about the chapter. **

**How was it? A pretty intense chapter I think… It was a pain to write the last part on Christine and I'm not even satisfied with it, but the other parts just came out so easily… It's as if they were waiting for me to write them down for a long time. **

**It looks like Allen and Road have become serious, haven't they? I must say this, I never planned to make them come this far, but they have. All of a sudden I realized it was the perfect moment, now or never, and so it had to be now. I don't know if you've noticed, but Allen has somehow aged in this chapter. Somewhere I say that he's seventeen now. I didn't plan this as well. I mean, in the beginning of DGM he's fifteen, but while planning this chapter I though that it must have passed some time since then… and it has also passed a lot of time since I began this fiction, so let's say he's two years older. I think it's reasonable, isn't it? **

**I enjoyed a lot writing about Cassandra and Kanda though it's always difficult to maintain Kanda in character. I can easily imagine he and Cassandra arguing (they're bickering in some corner of my mind right now as well), but then I always wonder: is he too OOC? He's not lost his adorable grumpiness, right? And so I wonder, I wonder, I cancel all I've written and I write it again and… So tired XD**


	40. Chapter 40

**Warning: Devilish Cassandra and OOC Kanda. Sorry. I'm a failure as a writer and even emotionally instable. **

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own DGM otherwise it would have been in hiatus forever since how late I am with the last updates… (Sorry U_U'')**

"_**My need to go is hard to fight**_

_**I want to gaze upon this world just like the Northern lights**_

_**And of all the things about you**_

_**What I'm going to miss the most is the bond**_

_**We formed together through the crimson kiss."**_

"_**Crimson Kiss" from the musical "Lestat"**_

_CHAPTER XL – _**TOGETHER FOREVER, MAYBE**

_An unknown island in the middle of the Ocean, night_

"Do you think she's really going to return?" Allen asked with a strange melancholy in his voice. He was alone in the empty room and one who didn't know about his absurd situation would think he was speaking to himself, but Allen knew better than that and the same did the Fourteenth:

"_She said she'd come back, didn't she? So stop mumbling over her being late as an idiot. Probably she had something better to do than to return to keep company to a injured little boy like you…"_ The Noah mocked him, but Allen didn't seem to catch the irony:

"Yeah, probably she's obeying to the Earl's orders in this moment while I'm trapped here like the weakling I am." The exorcist muttered darkly. He hated inactivity and the thought that she could be out there killing humans and ordering akuma while he was there, helpless and useless, made him mad.

"_She's a Noah,"_ the Fourteenth stated the obvious as if it could explain everything, _"What else do you expect her to do? She may really love you, we've a heart as well, but she's also a Noah. You said she's your enemy, maybe it'd be better if she decided to not return. It would be easier for both of you. You know you can't remain here forever. Or did you think you could forget being an exorcist and live here with her separated from the real world?"_

"I never thought that." Allen replied with a coldness which didn't suit him, staring at the low ceiling, "I never thought we could remain here together. To tell the truth, I never thought I'd have allowed myself to go this far either, but… I want to leave tomorrow morning, if I don't leave then I won't ever do it, but I also wanted to tell her before disappearing. There are things I want to say to her clearly before going away, things I need to understand, and things I need her to understand…"

"_Are you going to be stupidly romantic?"_ The Fourteenth asked interrupting him.

"I hope not. Why do you ask?"

"_I just wanted to know if I could listen without risking vomiting because of your sickly sweetness."_ The Noah declared with cruel irony.

"Idiot." Was all the answer Allen was able to give him at first, then he added: "You don't even have a body to do that."

"_I can always take yours."_ The demon joked.

"Don't dare…!" Allen's threat was interrupted by the sound of the door opening. A familiar shape entered inside the little wooden house.

_()()()()()()()()()_

Road felt horribly strange, there was confusion in her mind to which she wasn't accustomed to. Life had always been simple for her in a way, since she had become a Noah: she desired something, she obtained it, then she started craving for something else. End of the story. As a little spoilt princess she had used, and abused, her powers, her family's status, everything just to satisfy her whims. She had always thought of it as right and natural, a sort of compensation for what she had suffered from her biological family. She had lived into Hell until the stigmata had appeared on her forehead and the Earl had come to save her. Like in a fairy-tale, she had been an ill-treated innocent child who had been rescued by a magic god-father, and following that god-father she had become magic herself and she had acquired brothers and sisters, beings who were the same as her, with the same powers, the same despicable desires.

The god-father had saved her and sooner or later a prince would have come, her prince, who would make a woman out of the helpless child she had been. And then, protected by the god-father and loved by the prince she would finally achieve her long wished happy ending. That's how every fairytale is supposed to end, that's how her fairytale should have ended, but what if the prince and the god-father are mortal enemies? What should the princess do, but try to transform the two of them from enemies into allies? She couldn't do anything else for the prince was her soul mate, while the god-father was her saviour.

That's how Road had always though till an evil akuma affected by honesty had revealed her one horrible secret and all her castle of dreams had crumbled miserably.

The Earl had ordered to kill her father.

Then was it the Earl's fault if her mother had gone mad with grief and started to drink? Was it the Earl's fault if the two of them had ended up suffering that much? Had all that happened just because of one of the Earl's whims? Road didn't know, but the question was there, haunting her mind and refusing to let go. It wouldn't let go. The doubt was there, merciless and without solution. She didn't know what to do or think and it annoyed her, this confusion…

"_Confusion is unnecessary." _She reminded herself.

Maybe, she thought, just maybe, if she could talk with someone and confess what she had discovered, it would have cleared her head; it happens often that saying things out loud helps to make order in our thoughts after all. Still, she had nobody to speak with. To whom could she reveal that secret? Tyki? No, he would have never been able to give her a useful suggestion and he was too stupid to keep it secret. Should she speak to Cheryl, her loving adoptive father? No, he would have never taken her seriously: to him Road was just a cute adorable child.

No, Road thought, no matter where she turned, there was nobody in her family who could understand her and help her. They were all useless when it came to use their brain; that was why the Earl had such a strong grip on them all. The only very intelligent ones were Wise and the Twelfth, but she had never been close to them. To tell the truth, the former was too worried about Lovely to listen to anyone else and the latter scared her with his highly and mighty attitude. The Twelfth was even scarier than the Earl and he was always so busy with his absurd duties… In all honesty, Road hadn't seen him for ten years and didn't miss him at all. He was one of those people who are useless to anyone but themselves.

It was in this state of mind that the little Noah had joined her family for dinner the night before. Obviously she couldn't have possibly felt well, yet she had tried to smile and act as her usual to not arouse suspects. She had tried hard not to show the melancholy and the sadness she felt, she had tried very hard, but the Earl understood there was something wrong. So at the end of the dinner he had come to her and had asked if there was something she wanted to speak to him about. What could she possibly answer if not something which really did trouble her, but that wasn't her main problem?

"_Earl, where are we from? How is it that we were born humans and then were transformed? Were we born like this, or were we chosen after because of some characteristic of ours?" _She had asked him.

"You were chosen by God to fulfil his plans, but how can I know if it was before or after your birth? Only He knows." The Earl had answered with a smile, but Road had perceived something hard in that smile, something which told her that it was only a half-truth. Yet, she hadn't replied. It would have been useless. If nothing else, the Count's answer made it clear to her that he wasn't going to reveal anything more than she already knew.

That night Road had been obliged to sleep at Kamelot Manor (the Earl was observing her movements), but the morning after she woke up early to reach the island where she had left Allen. She wanted to see him badly and it wasn't just because of a lover's anxiety. She really needed to see him: it was as if she hoped his presence could bring some sanity back in her disastrous existence. Allen's smile, Allen's kindness, Allen's faith in morality and justice were like poison to her Noah nature, but she loved them all the same. To her Allen was as surprising and astonishing and pure as a miracle.

When Road entered in the little house she couldn't help but feel an unreasonable relief seeing her lover. Against all predictions, the "prince" had waited for her. She stared at him proudly as the teen turned his neck to look at her and when he smiled Road thought she could cry. Of course she didn't do that, but something in his behaviour moved her.

"You're back." Allen declared in a strange way, as if he had doubted she would.

"You've waited." She replied in the same way. Again they just stared at each other in silence and, again, there was that overwhelming atmosphere which belonged only to them. Road wondered if it would have been the same between them if they were normal people. If she hadn't been a Noah and he hadn't been an exorcist, the bond between them would have still been that strong? Or could it be that the idea of _forbidden romance_ had given new force to their feelings? She wondered for some moment, but at the end she realized she couldn't care less. That was how things were and there were no buts or maybes to add.

She looked down at Allen waiting for her and she suddenly understood she had found the person she had searched for, the one who could listen and understand her troubles, it was nobody but Allen.

He already knew her story, she didn't have to explain everything to him, and he could have understood her! Hadn't he felt the same when he had discovered that Mana, his father, his saviour, was the Fourteenth's brother? Hadn't he felt unsure, betrayed and confused as she was and had to bear that burden all alone? Hadn't he felt angry and defeated, regardless of what the truth really was, discovering how fragile his faith in Mana could be? Who could understand her if not that young man?

"Allen," she said all of a sudden, rigid, "I have something to tell you, something I've just discovered. May you forget for a moment that you're an exorcist and listen to me without prejudices?" She asked. The teen stiffened and looked at her suspiciously, but nodded with decision after an instant of hesitation.

Road began to tell him the whole story: she spoke about the akuma's confession, about her doubts and discomfort, about the dinner at Kamelot Manor where she had tried to ask the Earl what the truth was. She kept on talking for more than an hour. During this time Allen never interrupted her, he let her speak and speak without questions; in a way, it looked like he expected all that, for he never gave a sign of surprise whatsoever while hearing. The only things which proved he was actually listening to her were the light that shone in his eyes now and then and the way he nodded at some of her stating.

"He's my saviour. I've always loved him for that, but what if he's also the reason of my fall?" Road asked ending her story. Allen remained in silence for some moment, and then he spoke carefully:

"If you're sure of this," he began, "then it means he has been using you from the start. Road, you must leave that monster alone!" He concluded with passion. She loved the way he had pronounced her name and in another situation she would have teased him about that, but it wasn't the right moment.

"Are you speaking as Allen Walker or as an exorcist?" She asked instead, severe.

"Both!" was the teen's furious reply. Silence fell and left them like they were, frozen in their positions, each of them standing on their positions at the opposite corners of the room. That's until Road's faint voice was to be heard again:

"I can't." She said, "If I had joined him only for gratitude I could, but there is much more: I love my monstrous family, I love them as much as I do love you, that's why I can't choose. And yet, even if love would have brought me to stay with you, I would still be tied to the Millennium Earl because of this wicked nature I own. It's something which resides in me, it belongs to me regardless of what he could have or not have done to me and it condemns me to stick with him forever. I may not like what I am, but I love myself nonetheless." Road declared and thought her voice sounded broken there was determination in her eyes. Allen stared at her and an unbearable sadness overwhelmed him: nothing he could do or say would have changed her mind, that's what her gaze was telling him.

Did he looked that way too when he had refused her countless times? He wondered and for the first time he fully understood why Road had felt so desperate and violent at those times: he himself was so tempted to oblige her to follow him, even if he had to kidnap her. But he didn't do that, he just sighed.

The moment he hadn't wanted to come had arrived, it was now or never, he had to tell her in that exact moment:

"I have to go." He confessed looking out of the window. His noisy words shattering the pure silence seemed blaspheme even to him. He didn't want to look at Road; he didn't want to read the painful consciousness in her eyes.

"I know" she said instead. The smile on her lips was sad, but still she looked strong and determinate as before. "Where are you going to stay?" She asked.

"I don't know still," Allen answered staring at her amazed. Would it have ever come the day when she would cease to amaze him?

"I'll go searching for my Master, the Fourteenth should guide me to where he is, and when I'll find him… I'll oblige him to tell me all the truth about his past, Mana, the Fourteenth, the Earl and you Noahs. I'm sure he knows more than I can imagine." He declared with confidence.

"Then this is a goodbye?" Road wondered out loud. Her voice was sad, but there was no accusing in her words, she was just trying to accept it herself. Allen clenched his fists:

"It's not." He assured, "When this war is over, we'll meet again, we surely will, but until that time we won't see each other. You understand this, don't you?"

She nodded in response. Of course she understood, she knew it as well as him: if they were to meet on the battlefield they would have had to kill each other, that's why it was necessary for them to be separated till the nightmare was over.

"Then, bye bye, Aren…" the Noah said with a serious voice, confirming the oath, then she bowed to kiss him lightly on his lips. Allen closed his eyes and when he opened them she was gone as if she had never been there.

The exorcist remained alone in that room, again, alone with that frightening silence he had come to hate. He felt strange. What he was experiencing was an emotion more powerful than pain, but it was also different. It was impossible to define. All he could have said to describe it was "emptiness".

"_Aren't you going to cry?" _The Fourteenth asked with a comprehensive tone which was unusual for him.

"What would it be the point in doing that?" Allen asked. His voice sounded cruel to his own ears.

"_None at all, but it would be very poetical…" _The demon noticed returning to look a little more like himself. All the reply which came from Allen was a heartless laugh which echoed sinisterly in the desolate room.

"_Don't be ashamed," _The Fourteenth told him _"don't you think she's also crying right now?_"

"Who, Road?" The exorcist shook his head in deny, "She won't, she would never cry idiotically over something like that. She knows better, she's stronger than this. She's even stronger than me." He declared with confidence and with these words he rose on his feet and left the little house wishing a silent goodbye to the little dream he and Road had experienced for a few days.

_()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()_

_Headquarters of the Black Order, lunchtime…_

Kanda was seated at his usual table like always, but he and his companion were still attracting quite a lot of curious looks.

"Stop scowling like that, Kanda! We must look like a couple for a little while if we want them to stop suspecting you!" Cassandra scolded him. The swordsman looked away from her sea green eyes which were flashing with annoyance.

"Why must we keep on pretending?" He protested in a low voice, "The Crows have left already!"

"Are you forgetting that it was because of the rumours that they came to arrest you? What if the rumours started again? Don't you think they will return? For once, please, try to act as an adult…"

"Are you saying that I'm childish?" He asked offended.

"Yes, you are. All this is as annoying for me as it is for you, but it will save your life, you idiot, so make an effort! It's for you that I'm doing this, you know?" She replied dryly.

"Who asked you? You're always there pretending to do things for the others, but nobody asked you in the first place! You could just have left me like that and now I wouldn't be troubling you."

"Of course not, since you would probably be dead. Do you really regret that?"

"That's not the point…"

"And what's the point?" she provoked him, obliging him to look at her face.

"The point is…" Kanda began, but was interrupted but the arrival of Lavi, Lenalee and Reever.

"How cute! The sweethearts are already fighting… Yuu-chan, you mustn't treat ill your girlfriend!" Lavi joked causing the swordsman to snap and evolve into the murdering-rage-mode. Meanwhile, said "girlfriend" face-slapped herself and swore silently that she would never, never again argue with Kanda in public since those seemed to be the unavoidable consequences.

While the Japanese exorcist was still running after his insolent comrade, Lenalee and Reever seated next to Cassandra. For a moment an awkward silence floated in the air. The truth was that Cassandra hadn't really tried to socialize with anyone but Kanda so she didn't really have a relationship of some kind with the other exorcists. Normally they just made sure to maintain the distance from her, the scary woman, the witch, the one who had made the well loved Angel vanish. It was actually the first time someone tried sitting near her.

Lenalee smiled while sitting, but the smile died on her lips as she saw Cassandra staring back at her coldly. It wasn't like she hated Lenalee or something, being diffident and suspicious was simply her nature and even then she was wondering what hidden reason could have brought the Chinese exorcist to sit next to her. She didn't even spare a second on the reason why Reever was there as well: it was so obvious that it took her not even half a second to realize it.

"You seem to get along well." the girl said, avoiding Cassandra's piercing eyes.

"Who are you speaking about?"

"Of you and Kanda of course!" Lenalee answered immediately surprised, "I've never seen him being so open towards someone but Angel."

"Really?" the woman asked with the same coldness of before, but a strange light shined in her eyes, a light which made the other exorcist shiver. "We do nothing but argue and you still think he gets along with me better than with anyone else? He must really be more incompetent at socializing than I thought…" Her words provoked a strange annoyance in Lenalee:

"I can say the same of you," the Chinese girl replied with unusual malice, "you don't seem to have any friend but men with whom you have a curious kind of relationship…"

"That's none of your business." Cassandra replied with a dark smile. She felt angry and annoyed at the insinuation, but didn't want to show it. That girl speaking to her in such a way… it was unforgivable. Who did she think she was to say such things to her? She wouldn't allow her to do that, not to that coward spineless imitation of a woman.

"If you're jealous of what's going on between me and Kanda," she declared and Reever choked in his tea at her words, "then try to take him away from me, but I tell you: you have no chance."

"How in the world…" Lenalee's words died in her throat and she rose on her feet angrily, "I don't have that kind of feelings for him!" she declared.

"Then why are you so against me?" Cassandra asked back with gelid fury in her voice.

"He's a childhood friend! I don't want to see him being manipulated by someone like you! He doesn't need to suffer because of you, he doesn't need you!" Lenalee shouted attracting more attention than the supposed couple had before. It took Cassandra some second to answer. _"He doesn't need you!"_ Lenalee had said and she was right, the woman knew she was and that was the problem. It was her to need Kanda, but was the opposite also true? She doubted that. But then, she thought, was there anyone else able to bring him back to live? Was there anyone else who could make him realize that he was living a lie? Was there anyone else who could give him back his freedom? She knew this answer as well: no, there wasn't anyone else able to do that, because nobody had guessed the weakness in is soul hidden under that strong appearance.

"You're wrong," Cassandra stated calmly staring at Lenalee in the eyes, "what he doesn't need are pathetic companions like you who would only hold him back. You all have held him captive for too long." The woman said and walked away before a shocked Lenalee could reply anything to those words she hadn't understood.

Cassandra's voice had been calm, but as she walked away there was a thunderstorm going on inside her. She couldn't bear it anymore.

She had waited for Kanda to realize, she had waited for him to understand, but he was so slow! If it kept on like this he was going to die before understanding the simplest of the secrets she had kept from him. She couldn't tolerate that situation, there was no time and she wasn't strong enough.

"_So, what are you going to do? Are you going to tell him?" _The Innocence asked her.

"Why not?" Cassandra replied, "I put too much trust in his wits, I overestimated him. He's never going to realize it if I leave him by himself. Besides, I'm bored of waiting and waiting and waiting. I want to act. I need to take action."

"_Maybe it's not that you overestimated him, but that you are too complex yourself. How is someone supposed to understand what you think if you don't say it?" _

"If he was the man of the dream you showed me he should…" the woman replied with bitter sadness.

"_Cassandra," _the Innocence called her name with a protective tenderness,_ "my dreams don't reveal any truth. They simply show you a possibility, to realize it is up to you two, maybe. Besides, don't you think you're forgetting something?"_

"What?"

"_You made a deal with me, remember. I gave you my power but you promised me something in exchange. Do you really think it's wise to keep on with your plan knowing that one day you'll have to fulfil that promise?"_

"Is it worth to live knowing that one day you'll have to die?" Cassandra answered sibylline.

"_You love to run all the risks you can, I love you for this also, but don't joke with feelings. It will destroy your heart eventually."_ The Innocence scolded her.

"I'm not joking at all," was Cassandra stubborn answer, "if I was, I wouldn't be in this mess right now."

"_As you wish, my dear."_ The Water Innocence replied, _"But how do you plan to tell him? Are you going to stand in front of him and reveal him that you are the same of…"_

"Absolutely not," Cassandra replied with a mischievous smile, "do you think I'm going to make it that easy for him?"

"_I guess not…"_ The Innocence sighed with a voice that seemed to say it pitied Kanda.

"Of course not! That idiot has made me go insane for months, no, even years, and now I'll take revenge. I can't wait to see the face he'll make when I'll tell him that I love him…" Cassandra almost laughed while saying so. The whole thing seemed to amuse her: "Do you think he'll get angry? Or maybe he'll be too stupefied to even talk and he'll remain unmoved and silent as a statue… it would be so like him! But there is even the chance he'll run away…"

" _Cassandra…?"_ The Innocence interrupted her.

"Yes?"

"_Are you really going to confess?"_

"Yeah."

"_Are you sure of it? I mean: Are you sure you're doing this because you really have feelings for him, or is it just because of the vision?"_

"What a stupid question! Because of both, of course: my feelings are the consequence of the vision and the vision was a consequence of the feelings I'd have had for him one day, isn't that so? Your question really has no sense."

"_Do as you please, then. I know you too well not to know that nothing I can say can stop you when you're like this. You're so arrogant…"_

"You're one to talk. When you revealed yourself to me you made me promise that thing even though you knew very well that I would fall in love. After this you have no right to say anything to me." Cassandra said coldly to her Innocence. It remained silent with what the woman supposed to be guilt and she regretted her words, but said nothing.

"_Try not to overdo it." _ The Innocence said at last with sadness before disappearing:_ "That man will have to live on after you're gone."_

"I know" Cassandra said biting her lower lip and walked straight to Kanda's room.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

When Kanda entered in his room he was frozen with shock noticing the figure of a woman seated on his bed. Though he couldn't see her face- she was staring out of the broken window- he immediately recognized her. Nobody else at the Order had such ridiculously long reddish hair.

"May I ask you what the Hell you are doing in my room? And, please, don't tell me it's another part of the "let's pretend to be a couple" plan!" he was beyond pissed and Cassandra clearly recognised that, but she turned smiling in that mocking cold way which was characteristical of her.

"No, it isn't." She said with calm. "Why don't you seat down, Kanda?" She proposed making space for him at her side. The swordsman rolled his eyes thinking of the absurdity of her inviting him inside his own room, but he came forth and seated on the ground in front of her.

"What's wrong now?" He asked staring at her with determination. The woman smiled seeing that he had overcome the rage and was now serious. Judging from his short breath and clothes, she understood he had just come back from the training room.

"Then?" Kanda asked again, "Are you going to remain here in silence for long? Are you dead?" He provoked her.

"Sorry, I was lost in thoughts," she said stroking her hair with her left hand to wipe them off from her face. She looked back at him with a devilish smile:

"I wanted to ask you one thing Kanda… It's nothing much, really…"

"Yes?" He said already trembling at the idea of what she could ask him despite her reassurance.

"What do you think of me?" She enquired with a strange light in her eyes. Kanda froze, surprised.

"_And now what?" _The swordsman wondered feeling that whatever he could say would have been the wrong answer. _"Is she asking me what? If I think she's a good exorcist? No, it can't be! She doesn't need to ask me to know she's good and she never gives a damn about the missions. Is she asking me if I find her beautiful?" _he wondered panicking,_ "No, she would never ask something like this, especially to me! Or maybe she would? Yes, she could do this if it was to torment me… No, it can't be this." _He decided at last._ "Is she asking what? If I find her a good fighter? A good person? What?"_

Cassandra could almost read on his forehead the sentence: _"I __really__ don't want to be here in this moment"._

At the end Kanda made a little cough before asking neutral: "What do you mean?"

"What's the meaning of _"what do you mean?"_ ? I asked you what do you think of me, what else can this mean?"

"Oh, yeah, what else?" Kanda murmured under his breath rolling his eyes.

"So?" Cassandra urged, her eyes almost shining with expectation. The swordsman was taken aback by that intensity and redrew. He rose on his feet and reached for the door without thinking.

"Kanda? Where are you going?" the woman enquired with an annoyed expression.

"Who? Me? Nowhere, obviously. It's just that… I think better on my feet."

"Then answer me!"

"Yeah, the truth is… the truth it's that I don't know what I think of you and I don't get what the fuck you want to hear me to say!" He exploded at last. When he was under pressure he always ended up getting angry without fail. His eruptions were as easy to predict as those of a geyser. Cassandra had expected that, but she still had to work hard to suppress the laughter looking at his puzzled/angry face.

"I don't want to hear you say anything but the truth. What do you think of me as a person and as a woman? Don't worry, I won't kill you…" she mocked him, but the smile on her face was almost sad. Kanda shook his head as to clear his thoughts and seated once again in front of her.

"You want the truth? I'll tell you, but then don't tell me that I'm mean or something, right?" He asked and the woman nodded. The swordsman took a deep breath and then he began: "I… think you're a complicate person, I don't really get you, maybe I'm stupid I don't know, so I don't really think of you in a particular way. It's just you, that's all. It's not like I can put you in some category. You're absurd, sometimes you seem terribly evil, other times you act as a paladin of justice; sometimes you look so childish and arrogant that I'd like to slap you to remind you we're not joking here, other times you look much more mature than me. Normally you're so strong and your strength scares me so much that I attack you without a real reason, but once in a while there are moments when you seem so weak and desperate that it's heartbreaking. And I can go insane, but I just can't understand what's in your mind. You're so far away as if you belong to another universe and I don't get you, I really don't, but I know this makes you sad. I'm sorry, maybe, but I can't help it. It's as if you're walking down a path where I can't follow you. I don't understand who you are, if you're a supernatural being or a human, if you're good or cruel, I don't understand anything. If someone was to ask me how you are I wouldn't be able to answer. It's not that I hate you, I just don't understand you. That's the truth, all the truth, nothing but the truth." He said mocking the act of swearing. He looked up to gaze at her face, but it was hidden by her hair.

"That's what you meant back then when you said it had been a failure right from the start you trying to understand me?_(Author: it's referring to chapter 39)_" Cassandra asked with calm without looking at him. She was staring out of the window once again and Kanda knew something inside her had shattered, but he couldn't help that. That calm wasn't like her, that coldness towards him also was unusual, but he couldn't help that either.

"More or less." He admitted. She nodded and the swordsman wondered what she meant through that. Was she saying that she understood and accepted what he had just said? Or had she just recognized that it couldn't be helped as well? Kanda didn't know, and maybe he didn't want to know.

"Are you sad?" He asked with the usual distant calm, looking away from her. He didn't want to sound as if he pitied her, she would have gotten angry if he had.

"A little bit." She admitted and he thought that she would have remained silent for some moment before leaving the room without a word; instead she surprised him when he understood she wasn't going to move at all. She remained there, staring at something he couldn't see, and he wondered what her eyes were seeing, what she could be thinking. The light of the setting sun illuminated her hair making them shine of a thousand reflex and she looked even more unnatural than the usual. She was a statue of fine porcelain with eyes of transparent light green glass, dressed as only a doll could. It wasn't a beautiful image; really, it was more frightening that anything else, it was like staring at a corpse. Again, Kanda thought, Angel had never looked like that though she had possessed the same body. When she was there, she wasn't able to stay quiet a single moment, she was always moving, running, singing, asking absurd questions, making him angry all the time. There was no trace of that Angel in the statue in front of him. It was no novelty, but it hurt him the same the way one regrets what's lost forever. And the worst was that he wasn't able to hate Cassandra for that, he wasn't able to wish for Angel to return and cancel the woman in front of him anymore.

Everything was so complicate, and Kanda hated to be confused. He started to move uncomfortably in his position and at the end he rose on his feet once again unable to bear that immobility. That was when Cassandra spoke again:

"Yes, why should I deny it?" She said all of a sudden, breaking the spell, the light of vitality returning in her eyes, "Yes, it hurts, it hurts being considerate a monster, you should understand this. But can you imagine what's that really brings me down to my knees?" she asked and painted over her face there was that heartbreaking expression he had mentioned before. It was with that face that she turned towards him, a note of desperation in her voice: "Look at me, Kanda, you also have admitted this: I've the appearance and the powers of a goddess, I can do what the others can't do, I know things you all can't even dream of and I seem so distant, so unreachable, do I not? I scare others and they're right to be scared because my personality more than my powers will surely crush them if they were to come after me. But even so, despite all this, I'm not even an inch nearer to the Truth than you all are. I can be powerful, I can be in contact with the Innocence, but I don't have any hint about why I'm here, why I have to live and why I'll have to die one day! I don't know if a God exist, I don't know if I could love him if he existed, I don't know why He should have allowed the existence of pain. If there really was a God, shouldn't I hate Him? Shouldn't I crave to bring him down and accuse Him and oblige Him to admit that pain was always wrong, that death can't be turned in a rite of reborn? And if He existed and I should hate Him, then why am I here fighting under His standard? I _hate _Him, for something inside me tells me He exists, but I long for the truth He's said to know, I… I would like to love Him and to be sure I'm doing the right thing, but I can't. I know nothing more than a human does, and yet I'm much, much more than a human!" She paused and covered a side of her face with her right hand as if she was ashamed of her confession.

And for once Kanda could understand the reason why of her desperation. A common person who believes in the existence of God can choose to reject Him or to accept Him and submit his doubts to the conviction that He, who's so superior, must know what He's doing, but she couldn't do it, she couldn't do either of the two. She was too intelligent and angry to simply reject what she didn't like, she wanted to understand, she couldn't just trust in Him without proofs.

She was arrogant, her powers had made her so, and she couldn't just hope that everything had been done for the best, she had to know it! She had to because she knew she was more than a human being. Probably all she wanted was to be just human, but she wasn't, so what was left for her if not to cover up her weakness with pride? What was left for her to do if not to protect those frail beings she would have wanted to be like? If she couldn't be human, she had to be a goddess, if she couldn't be protected, she had to protect others and how could she if she didn't know anything more than them? She had to know. She needed to know. She needed to understand why she had been born like this, who had decided it, who had wanted this and why! She had to, but she couldn't and here she was. No goddess, no human, forever rejected by both sides, unable to realize what she really was. So far away from humans that they couldn't understand her, so far away from God she couldn't understand him. How many times had she felt as a new Satan and how many times had she actually wished to really be him so that her existence could have had a meaning and a role to fulfil even if an evil one?

Kanda almost smiled while realizing all this because her problems which seemed so enormous to her were those that every normal human has, because she was no different from humans and yet her problems were born form the fear she wasn't. At the end he smiled because for the first time he had understood what she had in mind, he smiled because her pride and her dreams of damnation where so innocent in the end that they ended up contradicting themselves.

"Cassandra," he said, calling her with her name, something he had done only once or twice before, "you are human, no doubt of that." His voice had been cold and calm, but if he had shouted he couldn't have made a biggest impression on her. She took her hand away from her face and said:

"Why are you saying this?" she asked and there was no trace of her previous weakness anymore. Her gaze was threatening, almost challenging him to say something, anything, to her.

"Because you have the same problems of every human being, you have the same emotions any person may have. If, as you said to me some time ago, everyone who has human feelings is human, why should you be an exception?" Kanda asked and again there was no unusual kindness in his voice, just logic, but she understood his intention anyway. Still, she shook her head gently in deny:

"Even if I was, it doesn't change anything. I'm still more than a common human without having the knowledge of a god. I'm still isolated from anyone else, as you confirmed before. It's a half-closed old wound which stings all the time. I should be used to it by now." She murmured without sadness or rage. She sounded only a little bitter.

"That's because you don't explain yourself. You never do that. If you don't speak, how can you expect others to understand you? Really, I never understood you, I've told you that, but when you said those things before I thought I had had a glimpse of you. People will understand if you care to explain them. The problem is that you refuse to 'cause you are convinced they can't comprehend anyway. Come down from your pedestal, you're no different from anyone else, the distance you feel is the one you've put between yourself and anyone else!" Kanda accused her with calm, but he had to look away. He couldn't bear the way she was staring at him. There was something daring and fearless in the way she used to look at people, something which made him feel uncomfortable.

"But Kanda," she said with a strange honesty which made her look helpless for a moment, "I have to put that distance. If I didn't, if I revealed my nature, people would be scared by me! Finders already don't want to go on missions with me, they're terrified by my powers. That's why I had to learn to fight in a way which could look more similar to those of the common exorcist. You know I don't have to forge weapons from ice to destroy my enemies, but I have to if I want to avoid scaring those who work with me. That's only an example, but it shows that I'm not as free as you think to reveal myself. I have to choose from being misunderstood and being feared. For now I prefer to be misunderstood, but you Kanda… you have to understand!" she said and it seemed both an order and a plea.

"Why me?" Kanda replied showing some annoyance. She always had to make things so complicated and here she was: as soon as he had thought to have resolved the enigma, she was there posting new problems he couldn't completely understand!

There was a sudden silence. Then Cassandra spoke in a low voice:

"Kanda, you must understand, you're the one who has to understand. You, only you have to."

"Oh, please," Kanda began sarcastically, "this is ridiculous, it sounds too much like a confession for my taste! Now don't tell me you love me because I'll die of laughing if you do!" his expression was threatening. He hated when she joked like that.

"But I do love you." Cassandra replied with calm, a curious look on her face, staring at him with that shameless expression once again.

"Stop joking!" he ordered almost panicking, "We both know far too well you love yourself only. Spare me this silly idiocy." Kanda stated disdaining, looking away as if he was offended.

"It may be true that I love only myself, but then how do you think I feel about those who resemble me? Shouldn't I love the part of me I see reflected in them also? I assure you I love you, Kanda-chan. You've said a cruel thing." She declared looking away and Kanda felt both horrible and painfully surprised. He felt horrible because he had been bitter and mean when she didn't deserve it and painfully surprised because of the way she had called him. How much time had passed since the last time those lips had pronounced that name? _Kanda-chan…_ that name also reminded him something else:

"You're not her." He murmured emotionlessly avoiding her gaze.

"Are you so sure about it?" Cassandra asked him.

"How could it be otherwise?" He raged, "Even if you do share the same body, that means nothing! You're completely different from her." He declared. He was furious with her for joking with him about Angel. Why did she amuse herself confusing him more than he already was?

"Did you love Angel?" The woman asked him, hard, her eyes sparkling in that captivating way of hers. Kanda turned his gaze away and when he spoke his voice was bitter and tired:

"What do you mean by love? And what's the meaning of love in a world such as ours?"

"Do you wish to stay with that person all your life? Do you feel you would do anything to protect her? Do you think that person is more important to you than anything else? Would you put aside your pride for her? Would you sacrifice for her happiness? That's probably the idea of love people usually have." She explained.

"Really? And what's your idea of it then?" The swordsman provoked her.

"Did you love Angel?" The woman asked once more. Kanda took a deep silent breath:

"I… probably did. I don't know, I'm not used to these things!" He exploded, but she didn't seem to notice:

"Do you love me?" she asked instead.

"You didn't answer to my question of before. What's the meaning of love for people such as us?" He replied avoiding the enquiry. Cassandra seemed to think about it for some moment:

"Do you remember when you said you could understand me because I explained myself? Well, I don't think that's the reason why you did. I think it's love that allows people to understand each other: I can comprehend someone if I care to. In others words you can understand other people only by loving them. Do you get what I'm saying?"

"More or less." Kanda admitted. It made sense, but everything else was blurred and difficult to put in a logic order. "You're saying that people can't comprehend each other unless they love each other. But how can they love if they don't know?" He asked polemic.

"Good question. I've also wondered that and I've come to a silly solution that it's obvious even to children: love is not rational, we don't need a reason to love, we don't need to comprehend. Understanding comes later, maybe, sometimes it never comes at all." She said with self-confidence. Kanda answered her with a long awkward silence.

"I'll ask you one last time, if you deny it now I'll let you go forever, I promise. Kanda-chan, do you love me too?" she asked with a much sweeter voice than the usual.

Kanda didn't know what to think or say, he was literally panicking. He wasn't a man of thought, he wasn't able to understand his own feelings so well as she wished. Of course he was attracted by her, he could even say he liked her, but from this to declare his love! It wasn't like he thought he couldn't love her, there were times when he had thought that if there was a woman in the universe he could bear to be with would be her, but there was something missing in her, something which made him fear her and held him back.

Exasperated, Kanda turned towards her to say it all out loud, but as soon as he saw her face he stopped. There was something wrong with that face now that the ferocious cynic expression had vanished form it, there was something deadly wrong with her, with the light in her eyes, with the way her lips curved, with her very essence. For a moment it seemed incredible to him to finally see the tiger stripped out of all her defences, then in a moment of extraordinary lucidity, he realized. What he realized he himself didn't really know, but a terrible suspect was born inside of him. As if guessing what was going on in his mind, Cassandra smiled triumphantly.

"Could it be that you are…?" he asked, his voice uncertain, his eyes widened for the surprise at the revelation. Cassandra smiled once again, in a different way, a familiar way, a comforting one. In that moment Kanda understood everything.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

_27th June,1743_

_The more I go on, the more my situation seems hopeless to me. Now that he's convinced that I understand his mission, Tyki spends less time with me every day that passes. And yet I can't blame him of not caring about me anymore: somehow, it's like he loves me even more now that I know what's going on (what I know, I wonder, if not a miserable percentual of the whole truth?). I've become precious for him for I'm the only "normal"one that knows the truth about him and his family, the only one who has accepted him nonetheless. That's what he thinks, and I can't help but feel a monster at the thought that I'm going to sell him to my father. What he's going to do to this family? Why does my father think them so dangerous? I don't dare to think what he has been planning all along while I was here and I wonder if I'll really be able to consign them to him, to that demon. I wonder, but in reality I know very well the answer: the question is not if I'll be able to betray them, but if I'll be able to resist to the power my father has over me. I fear I won't. I KNOW I won't! Will it be me who will give up my beautiful Tyki to that monster? Will it be me who will strip him away from this Manor, from his adored family, from his luxurious habits, from his dashing and daring style to consign him to my merciless and insensible father? Will it be me who will cast him in the dust and condemn him? And why? What has he done to deserve it but having loved me? _

_No, may I be damned for all Eternity if I do something like this! I won't, I swear I won't, I don't want to, it's not right to! But I feel so tired, so lonely when he's not here. When he's next to me I forget everything about my mission, about my father suspicions, about the menaces of the Earl to this world, I forget everything, I'm just inhumanly happy. But when he leaves me, the dark shadow covers me once again and I feel I can't put p to the situation. I'm weak and, that's the worst, I'm weak now that I should be stronger than ever. _

"_You must understand, Christine," Tyki tells me every time he's going to leave, "we owe everything to the Earl. I must do what I can for him." He says so, sure that I understand, and he disappears for days, weeks sometimes, while I don't know where he is, what he does, and I remain here in the castle, alone with Road who tries to comfort me. She's so kind. She knows there is an affair going on between me and Tyki and, surprisingly, she's keeping the secret perfectly. She's the best friend I could have hoped for (though she's so childish sometimes!). Also Lord Cheryl, who knows nothing f me and Tyki, is always so gentle, so caring towards me as a father should be. More than once he told me I've become like a daughter to him and I doubt his words not. I believe him, I trust him, the gentleman Lord Cheryl, the always elegant, always appropriate Lord Cheryl. Lulubell keeps me company too whenever she feels like it and it's surprising, considering her reticent character. She really obliges herself to speak while I'm there and she even smiles sometimes! They're all so kind with me. Amatus is gone, thankfully, he left two weeks ago all of a sudden without even saying goodbye to me. I can't say I regret it and Tyki said that he would have killed him if he'd come near to me once more. _

_What I wanted to say is that this last moth has been strange. I feel lonely without Tyki, yes, I feel insecure, and there are moments of dark desperation when I think we're all hopeless, that it won't last long, that soon we'll be all condemned, but despise all this I would be a ingrate to complain. For once in my life I'm in a beautiful place where everyone seems to love me, so why should I complain? It's a bad moment, but I shouldn't worry, Tyki hasn't left me, instead I think he's growing more affectionate to me now that he can't see me everyday. When he returns he doesn't have eyes for anyone but me, and he's so eager to tell me everything about the places he's seen! _

_Last time he brought a gift for me: the seeds of an oriental kind of rose I knew nothing about. He told me it's very beautiful for when it blooms the colour of the inside and the outside petals is different. Isn't it wonderful? I can't wait to see these roses grow, but where should I plant them? _

_I know why Tyki brought those seeds to me. He wants me to plant them in the garden of my house in France so that I can remember him when I'll see the roses bloom. He didn't tell me this, but I understood it, his eyes were saying this so clearly that I couldn't misunderstand it. _

_He's right, maybe, after all even he knows that we won't be able to remain together for long. It's not like we plan to marry. I thought about it once or twice, but I just can't see me like a married woman, I hate the idea, and even if I wanted to I doubt Tyki would say: "Yes, why not?". Both of us are not the kind of person who can settle down and choose to live a life "together forever and ever, in good and hard destiny until death do us part". Yet I can't bear the idea of leaving him now and I don't think I'll feel able to do it anytime soon. _

_Still, my family becomes more anxious every day, they want me back home, my mother because she feels lonely, my father because he wants the information he needs to fulfil his plan, whatever it is. I expect their orders to arrive soon and I fear that day. I know it's almost time, but I can't accept that for that day I'll be obliged to make a terrible choice: my family or the Kamelot family. It would be easy to decide for my heart, really, but there is some sense of duty left that prevents me from doing what I wish to do. _

_Damned moral, damned ethic and sense of duty! That's what humans are: helpless puppets whose actions are leaded by useless values, chains we have created to keep our infinite potential suppressed. _

_I'm so troubled, my diary, I change my mind all the time and sometimes I fear I'm losing my sanity. I see things, I hear strange things, I… I will say nothing more for now, I have to believe myself first._

_Christine Leverrier_

_()()()()()()()_

Author's notes- **Coming back**

**I'll say nothing, I won't even try to excuse myself. I was away for too long. But I decided to start to write this fic once again. I want to end it one day, though I don't have any idea of how much time it will take. So… I'm back. Will my readers be back as well? Please, review!**

**Eris92**


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